DYM Ep9: It’s About Pleasure, Not A Performance with Joyce Penner

4 Mar

It's about pleasure not performance

Joyce Penner, coauthor of The Gift of Sex (passionatecommitment.com) and her husband Cliff Penner, are internationally recognize sexual therapists. In this episode, she gives her 3 secrets to her marital success. Listen in to hear the vital differences to how a man and woman gets turned on.

A woman delights in her sexuality

You’ll Discover:

  • Ensure your marital success through 15 minutes a day
    • emotional – something positive
    • spiritual – prayer or scripture
    • physical – full body hug and passionate kissing
  • Women and men are on different tracks and what tracks they are on
  • The tip she learned before marriage about her own sexuality that helped her marriage
  • How women need to get their needs met in marital intimacy so that they can be fully able to give for the benefit of their whole marriage
  • How being uncomfortable in our body actually undermines the enjoyment we should be having in sex
  • How a short and simple exercise routines she has done for 20 minutes a day has helped Joyce stay fit and vital for 47 years
  • How to be intimate even when you’re a mom

no need to fight with your husband

Resources Mentioned:

Couple is Newly Married or Preparing for Marriage:

  •  Getting Your Sex Life Off To A Great Start
  • The Way To Love Your Wife

Couple is Married and no major problems:

  •  The Gift Of Sex
  • The Way to Love Your Wife

Couple Needing Guidance on Specific Barriers:

  •  Restoring The Pleasure (how to and behavioral tools)
  • The Way To Love Your Wife

a woman gets turned on when she feels good about herself


  • Leave the negatives unsaid.
  • There is nothing more elating for him, than a woman who delights in her own sexuality.
  • A man gets turned on to a woman when he sees her. A woman gets turned on when she feels good about herself.
  • The more a man tries to fix her the worse she feels about herself.
  • Be intentional for intimacy, not just sex. But intentionally plan for connection.
  • As the woman, if we think about what we need and then get those needs met, then we’re going to have more to give. And when we have more to give, he’s going to be happy too.
  • Penner’s P’s: Plan, Prepare, Pursue enjoyment (rather than do your duty), Pleasure rather than perform and Pucker up & kiss!

Thanks for listening! I hope you are encouraged to live in wholeheared intimacy!



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