Oral sex. Does it have a negative connotation for you? It did for me, for many years and I know it does for other women like me, married Christian women, that is. What I’ve learned through experience and Biblical study is that the stigma surrounding oral sex is absolutely misplaced. It’s a stigma that is keeping people from having the level of married intimacy they need and deserve. It is holding back lukewarm married folks from becoming passionate lovers. I mean, isn’t that what we’re all after? Couldn’t you love more, serve more, and give more if you had an incredible and satisfying marriage to come home to? There are huge reasons oral sex should be celebrated rather than shamed. It is a gift you should be giving this holiday season and all year round. Here’s why —
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1. It Makes Him Feel Like a King.
Your husband has dreams of conquest and adventure. His little boy ambitions of slaying dragons and saving the day are still in his heart. He wants to win on the field, at the poker table, in his business, or any other place his spirit can thrive.
When you serve him this way, his “winning meter” goes way up. You serve him in his most intimate place. You meet a deep and vulnerable desire. When you choose to learn exactly what he craves and serve him happily and enthusiastically, you make him feel manly, sexy, and powerful.
2. It Helps Meet His Emotional Needs.
Our husbands love us through sex. Due to health reasons, my husband and I went through a season where we couldn’t make love. I remember asking him how he was feeling about it. After some prodding, he genuinely shared he felt like he couldn’t “love me as deeply” without making love to me.
Your husband’s need for sex is not wrong. On the contrary it is part of God’s plan. The sexual experience fills him in the areas of his heart that can be filled no other way. God designed sex to draw a couple together in unity like nothing else can. With a healthy diet of generous sex in a marriage, he feels emotionally satisfied.
3. It Frees Him From Distractions and Temptation.
Men are visual creatures. They just are. Women’s clothing styles accentuate curves, “assets”, and beauty because that is what is attractive to men. Men’s clothing styles are much more modest, looser, and practical because women care a lot less about such visuals. When you are intimate with your hubby and give him lots of sensual views, you satisfy his need. He feels more able to control thoughts and wandering eyes because he is satisfied by you. (FYI – this isn’t just my idea. See 1 Corinthians 7:5 where Paul instructs married couples not to abstain from sex, except maybe short periods. He warns that this deprivation can make these couples prone to temptation outside the marriage.)
I encourage giving him a seductive dance, strip show, or wearing sexy lingerie to start things off. Your curves excite him in ways that do nothing for you. Even if you don’t feel sexy in the moment (you may feel downright ridiculous actually), but he appreciates your body and your ways of enticing him. Everyone has insecurities about their bodies, but don’t let that hold you back from giving him the ecstasy he so desires. Trust me, you’re more sexy than you think you are!
4. You (Might) Get More Done Around The House.
It’s true. When I serve my husband in this way more regularly, the trash gets taken out, the dishes get done, and I do a lot less housework. (We can let this be our little secret). Unfortunately, this is not a guaranteed benefit. But I bet you would be surprised what your hubby suddenly feels motivated to do when you are giving generously in this important area.
5. Make Him Fall In Love With You All Over Again… and Again… and Again…
Remember the early days of your marriage, when sex was so frequent you were going at it like donkeys in spring? Those days can come again with a jolt of enthusiasm from you. Push through the possible discomfort you may feel, learn what you need to, forgive the past, get over your insecurities, and surprise him with an amazing oral experience. He will be deeply grateful and feel like he’s the luckiest man alive… because he is!
6. It’s a Great Foundation to Much More Discovery and Pleasure.
Though there are other areas of marital intimacy that we could focus on, I specifically focus on giving him oral because it provides a foundational understanding. When a wife is confident, enthusiastically sensual, and understands how her husband’s member works through oral sex, she has all the tools to discover many other intimate pleasures. Once you master the principles of his mind, his body, and yours, your creativity is the only limit to what your sex life can become. A great sex life makes for a great marriage and a great life.
7. It’s Budget-Friendly Fun!
No need to pull out the credit card for this one!You can make any occasion very special for him by including oral sex. Consider waking him up with this savory treat. Or take a shower together before a big event–after the suds are cleared, drop down and give him a fresh thrill. At the event, it’ll be fun to steal knowing glances at each other. Why not congratulate him on a promotion with a 4-course sensual, oral feast? These all cost nothing, but they’re priceless to your husband and your marriage.
8. Serve and Serve Alike.
This is also not a guaranteed benefit, but it certainly provides an opportunity for intimate generosity to be returned. To be clear: giving him oral is not a favor. You are not doing him a “solid” when you serve him in this way. It is your delight to honor and serve him in this intimate way. That being said, when you model such behavior it can be a great example for him to follow.
9. Unity Comes Through True Vulnerability.
Yep the gross feeling of vulnerability are necessary in the oral (and every other intimate) experience with your husband. One night stands and short-lived relationships can get away with half-hearted vulnerability in the bedroom. We all can pretend for a while. Eventually though, our true colors shine through and should in a life-long relationship. Oral sex is an intimate experience that will expose you both to each other. Both of you grow in trust, knowledge, and honesty as you learn to give amazing oral. It is a vital key to a unity that makes love last a lifetime.
10. It’s Better To Give Than Receive.
We hear this around the holidays all the time, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true! Jesus’ encouragement to do good to others does not stop with friends and family, and no matter what your faith background, being generous and treating others the way we’d like to be treated is pretty much a universal golden rule (see Acts 20:35). It also applies to the bedroom. When you fully engage and present your husband with a sensual feast, your own heart and capacity for love increases. He will be delighted by your generous advances. And you will feel more in love with him through it too. Consider how lucky you are to give him this amazingly satisfying gift. Enjoy!
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What are the reasons you serve your husband in oral sex? Or what is keeping you away?
Share your thoughts!
This is a fantastic post about oral sex. I don’t think most wives get how amazing it is for their husbands, physically *and* emotionally. Linked here: http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/christian-sex-links/best-christian-sex-links-of-the-week-6/
Thanks so much! There’s so many insecurities women have that keep them from these understandings and they need to be addressed! Thanks for spreading the word!
I must agree. You’ve got some great tips here.
You really struck a nerve with “he felt like he couldn’t “love me as deeply” without making love to me.” I have TBI from multiple concussions. Part of that is anxiety and lack of confidence. I can’t control my thoughts well.
So I can get an erection for short periods of time but can’t keep them. Right in the middle of action, no matter how turned on I am, my mind wanders to my to-do list or something inane that shouldn’t be there while my wife and I are doing the bedsheet tango.
I usually have no problem keeping it up when she’s performing oral. She hasn’t figured that out yet. It’s hard (pun not intended, but not a bad one) to let her know. She’s never been a fan of oral sex, other than when I’m between her legs … then she’s a HUGE fan. If I say something, I still don’t feel like her heart is in it.
She usually goes for a few minutes and then wants the full ride.
We’re working on it. Thanks for the article. I’m planning to re-blog this one on my site, http://www.marriedheat.com.
Thank you SO much for your comments!
I so wish it was more understood…which is my work :)
So, happy to connect! Thank you for sharing!
These are all great thoughts! I personally had a difficult time offering oral; I just couldn’t get comfortable with it and I was intimidated. Of course, it was something that was missing. I eventually read a book (Jack’s Blowjob Guide) which explained technique in such a way that I felt more confident. It completely changed what happened for us in the bedroom… and subsequently, our relationship.
I rebogged this on my site. Thanks for all the help in all our marriages. You’re awesome!
Will you be doing another webinar on Oral Sex? like you did last year in the fall?
Hi, thanks for the question. Nothing is in the works yet but I’ll keep in mind since you’re interested!
I appreciate that thank you! I just found your website and it has been helpful.
I listened to one of your podcasts and in them you suggested that we ask our husbands “Do you want me to learn more about oral sex” my husband said yes. I was thinking about ordering your book. Was the stuff that you covered in the webinar last fall on oral sex in the book?
Hi, yes! It’s all in the book and MUCH more. I hope it blesses you and your marriage!
Hi Belah, Have you ever done a podcast on what to do with a husband that is addicted to gaming?
Have you ever done a podcast on Enmeshment in a family between children and parents?
Hi there, sorry just seeing this. No we haven’t done one that yet. But it is a problem in many marriages.
We have done an episode that touches on this: delightyourmarriage.com/26 DYM Ep26: “Make Your Marriage a Priority”
Well as a man and a husband of 14 years let me first say that I truly thank God for you that you are teaching wives some vital truths about oral sex and all the dynamics which go along with it. And I often share these same concepts with my wife and I counsel other couples from the Song Of Solomon ” a highly Biblical Erotic & Intimate Love Letter. I hope that many churches big and small will allow you the opportunity to teach on this vital subject. Keep up the excellent work.
What about husbands giving wives oral sex as well?
Morgan, if all couples would equally practice oral in their relationship, there would be very few divorces! Its very important for BOTH men and women to include oral every time when they have relations. Its not just for one partner but BOTH!
Great article. Have you noticed that intimacy is spelled wrong on your header image?
thank you!!