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Part 1: You want to captivate your man. Is that even possible, you may ask? Am I captivating?

It was a process for me to move from thinking my sexuality (body + “Ressa”) was gross to then accept and embody my sexuality as a gift from God to walk out (exclusively) in my marriage. But as I did, I found my confidence and identity began to shift into a woman who knows her value, who is fiercely aware of the jewel she is…and how that informs and transforms her marriage.

How do you walk this out? How do you become a woman who knows her value and allows that to inform her intimacy? How to make your husband get distracted with fantasies of you, his own wife?

Ultimately this is a God-honoring podcast that moves you closer to him by empowering you to become the woman God designed you to be when he gave you your sexuality.

Specific things discussed:

-What embodying your sexuality DOESN’T mean

-Understanding what your body means to men

-Why our lady parts are ignored

-How lady parts need a new name and identity in your heart

-How to start today to honor and walk in the conviction of the masterpiece you are (and why that’s so vital to your sex life!)

Check out 161-Embodying Your Sexuality (Seduction), Part 2

 

Interested in going further? Become a woman who has the intimacy you (and he) crave. Sign up for coaching with Belah.

 

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Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.

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Hi, there. Welcome. Thank you for joining. This is Bella. And this is a show where you get empowered to live, a wonderful marriage, whether that’s in physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy, emotional intimacy, this podcast is to give you insight, inspiration, and empower you with wisdom and truths, to live out in your marriage. So specifically, we are talking about how to embody your sexuality. Now, from the onset, this is a podcast for wives, I don’t know if you’ve listened very far into the dy M show at all. But I have had quite a few men reach out to me, since we’ve been going two and a half years now. And in fact, I frequently have more husbands and wives reach out. And generally it’s because the husbands want their wives to be listening to the podcast, and they want to, you know, they’re desperate for this kind of material, because sexuality is so important and to their heart. And so, you know, as a woman, myself, my desire is to empower wives with this understanding of how important their intimacy, their physical intimacy is with their spouse. And so all that to say that often men listen to these podcasts. And I wanted to just give a little note about that. And so one of my coaching clients told me that she’s not totally comfortable with her husband listening to the podcast, and I really took some time to think about it. And I think it’s because ultimately, in our hearts when we see others, or we listen to others, that seem to have something that our spouse doesn’t, it’s easy to compare, and it’s just what the heart does. And, you know, you might not struggle with this. So maybe this isn’t directed to you necessarily. But if it is something that you’re struggling with, comparing your spouse to maybe something that shared on this podcast, maybe it’s time not to be listening to this, I just wanted to kind of give a mention of that, you know, a couple of weeks ago, I was specifically speaking to husbands because again, I get so much feedback from husbands. And so I thought I would direct a couple episodes directly towards them. And like I said, you know, then it can easily make wives feel, you know, dissatisfied. So, whatever side of the fence you are, just remember that your spouse is your spouse and to do what you can do, the focus should be on what you can do in your marriage. That’s what I really want to focus in on today is what you can do as a wife in your marriage. Alright, so today is living out your sexuality, learning to embody your sexuality. Now, ultimately, my goal today is to really, first of all talk about the fact the truth that your sexuality is divine, and how to share that sexuality with your spouse. So when you live out this truth that your sexuality is divine, and then what does it mean to live that out in relationship to your spouse. So ultimately, we’re going to go through a lot of truths that I think will kind of get us to this place of sharing your sexual adult with your spouse, but ultimately, it kind of is going to come into how to seduce your husband in a way of fullness in a way of feeling fully valuable, and teasing and enticing and captivating your husband. So that’s the end game we’re going to get there. So I just wanted to kind of let you know where we’re going. So let’s dive in.

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So embodying your sexuality. What it doesn’t mean is that every minute of every day is about sex. You’re thinking about sex, your body’s ready for sex. That’s not what it means. But it does mean that truly knowing that you are a sexual and glorious being and that understanding exudes confidence and freedom in the rest of your life. I mean that understanding that confidence in what God’s made you to be is very important as a as a woman, as a wife, it’s a very key to how God’s made you in your marriage. Interestingly, just a little background about me is this was not my reality, my whole life. So growing up, I was always the chubby kid, I had this conception of myself that I was gross, my body was just disgusting. And my husband would, you know, eventually, my little girl dreams of being married was like, well, the only time he would see my body is after we would get married, and then he’d be too late, he would have to, he couldn’t leave after that. But I had an older sister who’s two years older than me. And growing up, we were often compared because we were just so similar and in ways and she was just naturally thin, and I was naturally chubby. And so we would just, my older brother would tease me all the time that I was the tomato, and my older sister was the carrot, or just these things. And that really put a stamp on me of identity of my being, unattractive, undesirable, never amounting to anything but ugly, and fat. And even I remember in grade school, this was elementary school, as young as that I remember looking around the room, and sizing up everyone else to find out am I the fattest kid in the room. And generally, I would decide in my head that yes, I was the fattest in the room. And that’s just the way I thought about myself for years and years. And then, you know, high school was kind of the same thing I was. I generally wore T shirts and baggy pants to school every single day. And at one point, my mom told me that as a joke, but I don’t even know if it was joke, it was an off handed comment. But by the time I think I was 17, at the time, she said that I dressed like a, like a tall, 12 year old or something, because I just didn’t branch out. It was It wasn’t that I liked that style. It was just I was uncomfortable in showing anything of anything more of my body, because I felt it was so undesirable. I wouldn’t want to put anyone through that I just, that’s how I felt about myself. And in college, I was bulimic. And that continued for a while after that. And so just to let you know, kind of my background has not been one that valued my sense of beauty or sense of sexuality in the least. So fast forward to today, God has really taken me on a really amazing journey through that. And this happened just the other day, actually. It’s kind of nice, my church, who’s got is just such an amazing community. If you’re not part of a church, I really encourage you to go look for one, just go church shopping, just go to different churches in your area. They are amazing, amazing places of community and family, just as a little side, but anyway, my church, the few ladies in the in the church decided to have a swap at clothing swap. And so that kind of means a party where ladies come together, and they each bring some clothes that they want to get rid of. And then the whole point of the swap party is that we all try on the clothes, and we just get together and have fun. And it’s a good excuse to hang out with each other. And so that’s what we were doing a bunch of us there. And it was interesting, because during the party, there was a lot of just like girl joking, you know, things about oh, you’re, you know, that’s really shaped just different things that women will say when they’re talking just to each other, like, Oh, that makes your boobs look good, or those kinds of things, you know, but eventually we got to this, this place where

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so I so we’re all trying on different things. And I was trying on something and I came out and I guess I was one of the tallest women there. So they thought that a specific dress would be really good to look on me. So I went to try it on. And the the back I guess was really low. So he would like touch the ground, the back of the the bottom of the dress. And then the front of the dresser was interesting. It was like a scoop. It would like scoop up and so the actual front of the dress would actually be pretty far above my knees, almost like short shirts, short skirt, but it was part of this dress. So anyway, I came out And I saw the mirror and I was like, oh, and and I was like, Well, it’s because I’m tall, you know, this probably would look good on these people. But, you know, I’m tall. So it’s all the way up here. And, you know, one of the girls is like, I don’t know, looks pretty good on you, those legs look really nice. And I was like, Yeah, I know, but I save those for my husband. And it was so funny, because the lady seemed to kind of give an uncomfortable laugh. You know, when it was funny to me, because it’s almost like the ladies didn’t get it, like, here we are talking about your boobs look good, or this part of you looks good, and it’s sexy or whatever. But you aren’t realizing like, this is the kind of jewel that you have for your spouse, rather than this is what something would look good to kind of be for others, you know, kind of in public. And you know, not to be any kind of judgment judgmental of these other ladies, but that’s how a lot of us feel a lot of women, probably yourself and myself at different times, we feel like, we need to be so beautiful for the world. Whereas our own spouse, our own husband doesn’t receive that kind of kind of beauty, that feeling of beauty inside, we don’t reflect that on the inside. So that’s really what I want to focus on. So that was the first thing that I found really funny. The second thing I found really funny about that situation was that I knew my value, I knew my beauty, I was aware of it so much so that I was like, Yeah, my legs look great, but I save those for my husband. Because I know, it was so interesting, because it was like a confirmation like, wow, I really know how beautiful I am. I really know how sexy my body is. But it doesn’t mean I’m going to broadcast that to others, because that’s not they don’t have ownership, they don’t deserve my sexiness, my beauty, you know, my sexuality is for my husband. Alright, so that is kind of just that story that I wanted to kind of mention and kind of move on from there. That that’s truly what I had to learn was that my curves, my specific physique, the way that God made me as a woman is wildly interesting to a man. And dear sister, you are out there, and you have no idea how exciting your shape is to men. It’s just the way God made men. It’s just the way God made women. It doesn’t make any sense to us. But that’s exactly how interesting it is. Ultimately, I want you to get to a place where you know, your body, your sexuality, the worth and the value of it. But truly to understand what God has made your worth your value your body to be an attractive, captivating, amazing woman, for your spouse in your marriage, for physical intimacy. So here’s a couple of things I want to talk about when talking about you, valuing your body valuing your sexuality. When you talk about a woman’s sexuality, right, the thing that makes her female is her female lady parts right? Now, I’ve come to a place where I really don’t like the terminology that we have for Lady Parts, I really think that there’s

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a void of good terms. I think that lady parts is not is not a good one. I don’t think vagina or vulva or any of the other ones are really attractive words that I would prefer using. And so instead I use the word ReSSA, R E S S A, which is very similar sounding to essence, you know, it’s a beautiful word. And so when you think about your ReSSA as being something that God designed, and God ordained, you know, that’s the essence of your womanhood. Ultimately, that’s what defines a woman against a man. Certainly there are other aspects there’s even in the womb, what happens is there’s like a wash of hormones that happen that determine whether or not the baby’s going to turn into a male or a female. And so that affects voice and it affects different shapes shape of the body and it you know, affects whether or not you have a ReSSA or a penis and whether you have the ovaries or testicles. And but again, I believe that is is ultimately what defines a woman is whether or not they have that beautiful, divinely designed parts. And I think women are taught to ignore their ReSSA their entire lives, they’re taught to one, don’t be dirty, so don’t touch it, or, you know, it’s private, or it’s shameful, you don’t even look at it, you don’t get pleasure there, women are just taught, it’s dirty. And the sad thing is, it’s very easy to believe that because there’s so many problems that can happen, you know, there’s just a constant, if it’s not a yeast infection, or a urinary tract infection, there’s, you know, period, there’s all this stuff that seems like this is such a negative part of growing up. And for a lot of us women, you know, our periods, for example, that probably has cost you multiple embarrassing moments, just from sleepovers to you know, mistakes here and there growing up, you know, you just, it’s caused so much negativity around that. And yet, then you’re supposed to get married and and wildly become erotic and exciting and wet, on command practically. And so what I encourage and what I want you to be able to embody is this ultimate conviction of the value of your ReSSA of the beauty of the Divinity, that truly God made it, that he made it beautiful, he made the lips, he made the inner workings of it, he made it pleasurable for when the swelling when you get turned on, when it swells up with blood, when it turns into something that looks very different, and pink, and very different color and texture, and all of those things. That’s God’s handiwork. This is not dirty. God knew what He was doing when he designed you when he designed your ReSSA. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. And so for you, as a wife to understand how valuable your recipe is, how truly divine it is. And I say that with passion, because you cannot truly enjoy and get to the depths of intimacy that God wants you to have in your marriage. If you don’t embrace your recipe, if you don’t realize how wonderful it truly is, if you can’t be wildly free in it, you’ll be missing a lot of what the sexual experience is supposed to be about in your marriage. It’s about freedom. It’s about joy. It’s about excitement. It’s about passion. It’s about fun and teasing, and sexiness. And that has to happen when you feel free to enjoy what God has given you as a woman. It’s not dirty, it’s not gross, it’s divine. It’s glorious. It’s on purpose. This obviously, you know, I talked about curves, and I talked about ReSSA. Both of these together, this is what you’re bought, your husband is so attracted to. This is what he is desperately desires. He was so funny, it was just the other day that my husband loves soccer, right. So he goes just around the corner to play at the park. And he goes maybe three times a week now. And as a side note, before I read surrendered life, which I highly, highly, highly recommend, before I read that I would kind of grumble about you know how he had to spend so much time playing soccer. And it wasn’t until I read that book that I surrendered this piece of our marriage and was like, you know, if that’s what he wants to do, whatever you think, honey, just, you know, go for it, whatever you whatever you think. And it turns out, it’s been a huge blessing to him huge blessing to our family or marriage. And he has been able to do God’s will more so because he actually brings young men, often with him, you know, one young guy doesn’t have a dad and his dad died. And, and so my husband gets to, you know, be that kind of role model for him. And there’s another young man who, you know, has kind of comes from divorced parents and some other things and just to give him some more confidence, and it’s just amazing how God has used that and because I surrendered, so I, again, just encourage your wife to read that book, too. I don’t get any proceeds. I just am amazed at how her work has really changed my life and lives of many I know And anyway, so aside from that, we’re talking about when he went to soccer, and he told me later that he was like I was playing, and I usually am really focused on the game. But suddenly, it came into my mind what we did last night.

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I was like, Whoa, where did that come from? And when he told me that I kind of blushed and I was kind of proud that Hear my husband is distracted by this amazing thing he really loves but he is distracted by our lovemaking he’s distracted by my body and my beauty and and that’s what you want. You want your husband to be distracted, fantasizing about you, you know, and that’s really where you can get. And you might be wondering, well, if I had $1,000 body or a million dollar body, right? Then sure I could make my husband fantasize about me no problem. But here’s the thing that actually is the case is when you know, the value of your body, and then you present it as such, then it becomes desirable. But if you are unconfident about what you have about what your body is, or looks like or you’re not confident about that you are, you’re insecure, then it’s not as desirable. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy. Take this, for example, let’s say there are two women, one woman is just gorgeous, head to toe. Beautiful dress, beautiful hair, beautiful lips, beautiful figure, you know, amazing high heels. And then this other lady is fine. She looks put together. She’s just fine. She looks, you know, lovely, and just fine. And let’s say they’re walking down the runway, one after the other. Let’s say we’ve got first that gorgeous woman. And what if her head is kind of tilted down, her shoulders are stooped down. She’s looking down, she’s kind of shuffling her feet. She’s clearly uncomfortable. You know, it looks like she can’t wait to get this off her body because she just doesn’t like people looking at her. And she’s kind of looking to the side and she’s just very uncomfortable and very insecure. And she gets off the stage and you’re you’re almost glad she got off the stage because you are getting uncomfortable looking at her. And then we have this normal looking lady in a in a lovely dress, just a very normal, nondescript dress. And suddenly she is walking down that runway, with her head held high with her shoulders back with a big smile on her face. She is clearly enjoying the attention. She is looking at everyone and smiling and she is so worthy of their attention. You can tell she is just soaking it up. This is wonderful. And by the time she gets off the stage, you feel refreshed. You feel excited about life. My goodness, this is a good day. Can you I mean, did you see that was that completely two different experiences. Yet it really had nothing to do with how beautiful or not beautiful those ladies were. It had everything to do with whether or not they were confident. Everything. And so that’s where I want you to get where you are so in touch with your sexuality, with your beauty, with your value with the Divinity of Your ReSSA that you truly feel like that lady with the confidence that it doesn’t matter what you think, or you have or haven’t been given or how many pounds you should or you know, need to lose or, you know, whatever what curves you wish you had, or it just isn’t the point. The point is what God has given you is wonderful and it’s enough to captivate your husband, if you truly believe it is. That’s where I want you

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to get. So the truth is that every single one of us could be insecure about something on our body. I mean, plenty after that. And even the supermodels in the world will eventually have plenty of insecurities because they’re going to get old and wrinkly, and they cannot outrun that. So it just is not the question of having perfection. It’s impossible. But choosing and becoming a woman who knows her value, who knows and values or sexuality who really lives out what God has given her in her body in her ReSSA knowing the value and knowing how wildly attractive they are. That’s the kind of woman I want you to be for your marriage. That’s what’s going to just insert passion and zeal and excitement and confidence and love in your marriage if you have that confidence. So I’m going to talk in the Next part about how to really get that more practical things. But I want to just give you one thing today to do, so that you can start this. So I’m going to emphasize this on the next podcast as well. But first, just start. Today, by the when you look in the mirror, look for beauty, search for the good search for the beautiful things you love about your body. Don’t look for the bad stuff anymore. Stop it, alright. Don’t look at you. And look for the the muffin top or the you know, saggy skin or what no stuff that look for the beauty look for the gorgeous clavicles that’s something I happen to love about my body. So if you ask me, I’ll tell you, or your your lovely lips, or your wonderful hips or whatever it is, you know, and and start to believe that what your husband has told you about your body is true. When he tells you the beauty of it, when he tells you about the curves he loves. It’s true. It’s really true and start to receive those compliments. Start to just say thank you, when people compliment your beauty. Don’t say, Oh, this old sweater, well, it’s blah, blah or whatever don’t but receive them actually accept those compliments. Yes, that is the body and the beauty God has given you you can receive those compliments. Absolutely. That’s not arrogance or pride that’s receiving what God has given you. That’s that’s, you know, you receive compliments and you give the glory to God. I mean, that’s exactly what the whole name of the game is. You’re giving the glory to God. But don’t say like, oh, no, no, no, it’s not beautiful. No, what is beautiful. And God gets the glory for that beautiful beauty. You didn’t make it that way God did. So, again, look for the beauty. give the glory to God. walk this out. If there’s any things that specifically spoke to you this podcast, I hope that you will. Yeah, walk those out in your life again, next week, we’re going to be talking about practically what does this mean in your marriage? How do you seduce him from a place of fullness of a place of empowered and embodying your sexuality rather than a place of insecurity essentially. Now, if this is something that you’ve struggled with, if you’ve struggled with being secure in your bedroom, or even having the light on when you make love, or maybe understanding how his body works, maybe understanding how you are actually sexy, maybe you’ve had some really challenging experiences in your past that have made you really doubt that I really would love to work with you as a coach, I’ve worked with women and work them into a place of feeling secure and confident in their marriage bed in their intimacy, and this is vital for your marriages is vital. I talk about, you know, I often say how much did you spend on your wedding day, for one day? And then how much have you invested in your marriage, that’s a lifelong, I so encourage you to make an investment and coach with me so that we can move you into a place of joy, of intimacy, of passion and spice in your marriage,

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for the glory of God, and for the joy in your family in your marriage. So I’d love to work with you. You can go to delight your marriage.com Click on Resources. But like I said, I would love to work with you and go there as soon as you can. Well, I will talk to you next Tuesday for the second half of this podcast. I am really excited about it. I think it’s going to give you a lot of insight. And we’ll talk then God bless Bye.

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Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion

Transcribed by https://otter.ai