Podcast: Play in new window | Download

---

transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi there and welcome. Thank you for joining. So, obviously, I’m in the middle of launching these two programs, the masculinity reclaimed men’s program and the intimate Freedom program. So if you’re curious, you know, you’ve listened to delight your marriage for weeks, months, years, and you’re wondering what’s available. What’s what’s next steps here. These are the two programs so it’s a men’s program or a women’s program. They’re both launching right now enrollment actually closes tomorrow evening. 1159. Eastern Time, and I would love to have you. And both of them 14 Day Money Back Guarantee you can try it out risk free. I want you to have hope in your marriage. Too many men are are feeling like this thing will never change. And yet, you heard from Paul, you heard from Jeremiah, you heard from Kyle, you heard from Glenn, you’ve heard from Captain you’ve I mean so many testimonials just on my podcast. But there’s more on my podcast. But also, if you go to delight your marriage.com/enroll you’ll be able to click and find out all these other video testimonials and actually see these people’s faces and, and trust their words. You don’t have to suffer like this. For women, too. There’s so much more. And you’ll hear today from norm, who just a year ago, his wife said she was done. She wanted to leave. She wanted it to be over and he was scrambling, trying to figure out what to do next, he listened to all my podcast. But that wasn’t enough. He needed the tweaks that are included in the program. And the support alongside in order for this incredible transformation where you know, sex was once every two weeks, maybe once a month, and it would usually end in an argument and she was cold and you know, rejected his hugs and his attempts at moving towards their connection. And now by God’s grace, she’s coming to him, she’s initiating up to three times a week I get this is incredible. But he had to go through a process of of healing that marriage. And that’s what I want to guide you through. You know, I coach marriage counselors that some of the most prominent ones if I told you the the ministries, you’d know them, but but obviously it’s confidential, so I won’t. But you know, same with women, you can transform your marriage, you know, just like hope did. And so norm and hope are not married. They have different situations, but similar starting places and similar results. So I want you to hear their stories and have hope for your marriage. Yes, this is an advertisement, if you will for these incredible programs, but it’s because it is worth it. These things change. And in terms of the investment, if you went to three months of Christian counseling, it would be even more expensive actually, then the men’s three month intensive program and definitely more expensive than the women’s, the women’s program. So go to delight your marriage.com/enroll enrollment closes tomorrow evening. So all your questions are answered on that page. And feel free to email me or my team to find out any questions that you have. Alright, let’s dive in. Get some hope. Speaking of hope, and and, and faith that God can do this transformation. If you can do it for others, he can do it for you. Let’s dive in.

4:05
So Norm, thank you so much for spending the time to chat here today. Why don’t we just dive right in and you just tell me a little bit about the challenges you’ve had prior to the masculinity reclaimed program?

4:22
Okay, so the challenges I had I had a lot of Unforgiven issues, I didn’t really know that I wasn’t giving her or us or our relationship. So it was causing a lot of arguments. And I think I was trying to work through it. You know, reading the Bible and praying and listening to podcasts and doing everything I could. But there’s just a few really key ingredients that you you’ve kind of narrowed in on that got me over the line, you know, It was quite challenging the last year of marriage, and it was pretty rocky for a while there. So I’m in a good place now.

5:11
I mean, amazing, amazing. Well, what? What was the thing that kind of made you decide to take the leap and say, you know, this course is for me, let me let me give it a shot.

5:24
Mm hmm. That’s a tricky question. Because I’ve contemplated a lot. And I heard a lot of your home. A lot of these kinds of encounters with men that have been through your program. Yeah. And I think I actually listened to one guy, I listened to a lot of them. But one guy said, pretty it was an older gentleman, he said pretty well, what I did, he thought he had it all sussed out. But then there’s just a few key things that he just didn’t have, that you kind of helped him with that made the difference. And I guess I was thinking I needed to make the difference. So yeah, and I listened to all your podcast anyway. So anyway, and yeah, I knew needed things needed to change, you know, they couldn’t keep going the way they were, it was just who it was really quite difficult. And it’s just yeah, I think doing the course, has really, like, accelerated things in a good way. You know, like, not having arguments, forgiving, forgiveness, meditation, you know, being mindful and prayerful and respective listening and all these wonderful things that I wasn’t quite getting right. You know. So that’s, I’m glad I did it. And I’ll recommend that everybody.

6:57
Awesome, awesome. Thank you. Well, so, um, so tell me, um, Norm, if you’re open to it a little bit about just the, you know, maybe you’ve been, if you’ve been if you want to, you know, share kind of an estimate of how long you’ve been married? And oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, a little bit your history a

7:22
little bit. Okay, so what if they married 18 years, we’ve got three daughters will both raise in a Christian home? We raised the girls, you know, in a biblical gospel way. They’re all 1715 and 12. I’ve always thought marriage was awesome. You know, I never had any points. And I guess I just got lazy, you know, lazy husband, and just thought would be married forever. And it wasn’t intentional. Really, you know, I was more interested in fishing and just living life, but as like with a partner, I suppose. And I guess it just it it wore down on in the end. And kind of blindsided me when at all caves were a bit of a head on at one night. And she just told me she didn’t like me anymore. And basically, you know, it was pretty close to being over. And I had no idea. And from then on, it’s just on a search and discovery, how to be a better husband and a father and be more. You know, emotionally involved. I wasn’t very emotionally attached. I guess that’s, that’s probably what it was. So, yeah, now I’m just an emotional mess all the time.

8:58
Oh, my gosh, well, lover, you know, what, you mentioned a little bit of your takeaways. What were some of the other major things like for a gentleman who was in your situation that you’re like, this was the lesson that I needed to hear what were a couple of the major things that a gentleman listening could could say, Yes, that’ll help me right away.

9:19
Yes, sure. So definitely. Not having like in your course, you run through a program where it’s all kind of stepping up, stepping up, stepping up, but the non sexual touching, you know, then she can feel respected and loved and then in another way without one, like you always want something from her. And the intentional listening, the non arguments, you know, because when you argue it’s all back, back to square one, and I think there’s a there’s such a combination, that you’ve kind of fine tuned into a course, it’s really hard to explain unless you do it because I guess you genuinely genuinely you think that you can’t change someone by your, your actions yourself. But even though I could see my wife was fighting it, you know, if she knew something was up, like there was some kind of change in me, but she loved it anyway, you know, and then responded accordingly. So it’s good to see the results in in myself and her and the gratitudes you know, the daily gratitudes that’s good. I think that changes your mindset. Because you can you can get down on yourself if your relationships really in a hard spot, but then to try and find value in God and yourself and, you know, without relying on someone else to give you that value. Yeah.

11:00
That’s amazing. So, um, so if you don’t mind sharing, so say your wife didn’t know about the program while you’re in it?

11:13
No, no, she doesn’t know. Just.

11:17
Okay, well, did you feel like that was a positive or a challenge, or what did you think about that?

11:24
Yeah, that was a challenge. Yeah, definitely. Um, yeah, it’s still a challenge. As far as I know, I don’t know if she’d ever want to know. You know what I mean? Because then she’ll go, oh, well, you just did all this, because it was a course that you had to do or so? Yeah, I don’t know. I think. I think it’s just something that I’ve done. And yeah, yeah. All their relationship.

11:54
Right. Right. That’s awesome. Well, and you said, you know, when I and I’ll just as a as a comment there, you know, a lot of men will go through the program, and have great success. Partially because they changed. It’s almost like them reading a book on their own. They did what the book told them to do. And then by God’s grace, things changed, you know, so this is a bit more structured, a bit more intentional accountability along the way. But if it causes you to change yourself, and she loves the changes, so what makes you think she loves the changes? What, what do you? What do you,

12:33
she told me verbally? A lot, you know, she told me that she loves what she calls it the new me or, you know, oh, my gosh, she’s in love with me again now. And she, you know, she’s really like, for like a honeymoon, kind of, it’s everything is completely different now. And she misses me when I work, sends me a text. And then of course, there’s all the, you know, emotional aspects and sexual aspects. And everything’s increasing and becoming, you know, more amazing and more open. So, it’s pretty awesome. If I love being married for Oh, praise God. Isn’t that incredible? Yes. Yay. And norm.

13:29
I mean, I just remember you. I mean, you endured. There was a lot of work that you put in and you’re like, I don’t see. I don’t see things shifting. I don’t see it changing. And it was just, you kept it up, you kept going. And here we are months after the program. And clearly, you’ve kept it up. You’ve kept up the work. She has been able to trust that this is the new norm.

13:56
Yeah. Yeah, free repetition and time, you know, that this isn’t a fad or a phase. You know, it’s not something that’s for a quick gain of any kind of,

14:14
you know, greedy task or anything like that. You know, it’s the committed. Yes, intentional attitude. Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s it, isn’t it? Once she once she believes what I’m doing the changes can occur.

14:35
Yeah. Yeah. It’s actually having that ability to trust you. That this is this is this is this is who you are.

14:45
Yeah, yeah. That’s fine. Yeah. Yeah. And, and then that opens up every other door, you know, in the bedroom, everywhere else. Yeah, it’s never been like this our entire marriage. So you know, that’s how I know there’s been such in depth change in her and me. Because even isn’t it never in the bedroom has been as open as it is now? You know, half a dozen years or 20 years. Wow, praise God. Really good. Yeah. It’s really, really good. Thank you. Oh,

15:25
you’re so welcome. You’re so good. And I imagine you know, your daughters and all the people in your lives that this impacts. Yeah, I have such a strong connection between you two. Yeah.

15:36
Yeah, definitely. Yeah, that was definitely, I mean, I knew something was going on. And I’m getting, you know, as teenage girls, but now they have become, you know, really family orientated. While spending a lot of time with them and guiding them through life. You know, it’s really good.

15:56
Amazing, amazing. And, you know, norm I know, just, you know, through the course, I know that you are a man of God, you pursue Him and pray, sometimes hours. And it’s just incredible that you know, just some of these little like you said, little tweaks, little tools, little skills could make such a huge transformation for you all. So that’s awesome. Yeah.

16:23
Yes, yes. Praise God. Yes. Yes. I think it was a miracle. Definitely. It was definitely a miracle. Things were not looking good. And now things are looking magnificent. Complete one it.

16:41
Really?

16:43
Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. From April last year now, what are we February now? Yeah, it’s a whole whole new outlook. Our marriage is completely reborn. You know? Everything’s wonderful.

17:04
Isn’t that incredible? Yes. Um, yes. Great. Awesome. Any? Any. So for gentleman who was in your shoes, let’s say, you know, before the program, if he’s listening, and he’s kind of not convinced that this is for real, that this is a free oil change? Or this really is the case? Can you give him any maybe additional? Either, it’s up to you, if you want to share specifics, or of before and after kinds of things that you’re like, This is how it used to be. And today, this is what it looks like, a little bit more color around it. So that makes sense.

17:47
Yeah, sure. Um, so J before the course. Oh, wow, there’s so much that has changed over time. So it’s almost every aspect has become better. So to try and isolate one or example or something. Let’s go for, let’s say, if I go to hug her, and it would be almost like she would stiffen up, she wouldn’t relax, you know, she wouldn’t kind of embrace it. Because before the course, I would obviously start, you know, grabbing or kissing or, you know, trying to pursue something. And then, you know, it wasn’t, it wasn’t going to change unless I did the course and learns to, you know, respect the boundaries and keep my hands off. Let her come to me and not me, always pursuing her, I guess. Yeah, that’s probably the main huge one was always to her all the time. Whereas now she’ll pursue me and I’m okay with that. That’s the you know, that’s the mindset of it is your mindset changes. To be okay with that and to embrace it and love it. You know, when she does come to me, it’s it’s almost more wonderful. Because I haven’t gone and tried to seek it out. Yeah, that’s probably one good example.

19:24
That’s amazing. Yeah. So So hugs her are warm and what are hugs like?

19:33
Oh, yeah. Hugs a really warm, you know, she’ll come to me frequently during the day and just want a hug or a kiss or just tell me she loves me and you know, she loves me so much and misses me and, you know, it’s it’s really quiet, loving and warm and everything. It’s a blessing every day, you know, to be with her and I don’t think I could ever We’ve long enough just to really love to live with a more, you know, I could live for 100 million years.

20:09
Oh, that’s amazing. And, yeah. Again, no, if, if you choose not to share, feel no pressure around it, would you be willing to share a little bit about what frequency in terms of intimacy was? Like before it now?

20:28
Yeah, before it was very difficult, you know, there wasn’t much happening, you could, I could, it would be J, one time, a month, maybe a fortnight, even then it’s it, it might end up in an argument or something like that. And now she’ll, she’ll come to me, and it will be really open and free and loving. So wonderful, you know, and it would be three times a week. Yeah. And that’s, you know, that’s what a lot of visuals as well, like, she never used to ever kind of do that. Because you’d be afraid it would always go to something that she wasn’t ready for, you know, but now she knows I’ll just, you know, love what she’s showing me and I won’t want more. And so yeah, it’s a real blessing. You know, I think that’s how God designed marriage to be like, kind of free and each other and, you know, you know, enjoy each other’s bodies and minds and hearts and souls and try and connect them all. I think that’s the biggest trick we have as husband and wife. Oh,

21:49
so great. Wow, praise God. Isn’t that awesome? Isn’t that awesome? Well, um, I feel like if you could talk to a gentleman who was in your situation before the course. Like I said, I mean, I just remember there were so many times that I was like, Norm, it’ll happen. Just keep keep going. Um, if you could talk to a gentleman listening who might be in that exact same spot? Maybe is there some encouragement you could give him around? Maybe he’s, you know, praying about making a decision, like joining the masculinity reclaim program? Ladies?

22:32
Yes, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I think if any guys are listening, and maybe, you know, sex was hard. Talking about it’s really hard. You want more but you don’t know how to get there. You know, you think you’re doing all the right things. But if you do Bella’s course, it’ll really fine tune it’ll change your heart, which will change her heart and his commitment. It’s work. It’s dedication. It’s not an easy thing. It’s not a quick thing. You know, it takes time. And yeah, I recommend it very much, because my marriage has never been how it is now. And you know, that’s kind of proof of what the course is done. So, yeah, do it guys.

23:30
That’s awesome. Okay, well, um, would you be willing to pray for the listeners, and possibly a gentleman who’s in a similar situation you were in? If you would?

23:42
Yeah, yep. Sure. Absolutely. Thank you, God, Father in heaven. Thank you for having this course available for men who have a willing heart and intentional mind and spirit to become closer to their wives and Lord, help them to or create in them a pure heart God renewing them this spirit if they’re weary, help them to feel hope and peace and love. And thank you for what you’ve done in my marriage and in our hearts. Crazy God I mean

24:31
it’s absolutely amazing. Thank you norm for sharing your heart and your bravery and and let’s dive right into hope story, which also I think will give you hope and faith that things can change for you. Well, welcome hope I’m so glad you agreed to do this with me.

24:54
Yes. Thank you. Yes. So

24:57
just to kind of start off Can you share a little bit of how, how much you’ve been involved with delight your marriage and kind of what it’s meant to you?

25:08
Yeah. So I found Bella listened to her podcast actually about four years ago. And yeah, I found you and I heard you on a podcast and you were like, Hey, if you’re in a place in your marriage, where you’ve just tried everything, and aren’t quite sure, the next step, come, you know, call me. Let’s chat. See if we can figure it out. That’s what I did. So I emailed you, and we started meeting. Yeah. And honestly, Bella, you have changed my life changed my marriage, my family. So I just couldn’t be more thankful. But yeah, I, I did one on one with you for a year or two even? And, yeah, just really You dove in to really, let’s get to the root. Let’s, you know, really, you gave love to my marriage? So yeah, through what I’ve learned just my life, my life has totally changed. Oh,

26:04
thank you. Well, that’s amazing. I mean, I know, hope that we have been through so much. I mean, even since then, we’ve kept in touch. And then, you know, you came back and did some coursework with me again, and then also grad groups. And what does that been like? Maybe Maybe it would be helpful even to just share maybe some of the major lessons you’ve learned throughout the time. And I know, you’re, you’ve listened to probably all of the podcasts at this point, do you think most of times it’s amazing. Thank you. So yeah, but maybe some of the major lessons that have been helpful for you that might be helpful for a wife listening? Yeah.

26:54
I would say one of the main ones kind of from the get go, that changed me was to allow myself to be the wife that I want to be. So all responsibility off of, you know, anyone else, let me just look at myself, and I want to be a great wife, who do I want to be. And so that really just gave me freedom kind of set that boundary of, hey, regardless of expectations, regardless of how disappointed I am in myself, or I am in anyone else, like let me just be the wife I want to be. So and then from that. Just respecting and honoring and encouraging. My husband has been just where it’s at just seeing the good, pointing out the good in him praising the good in him seeing the good enough and just get into a really good positive spot. And then from there, things have just kind of flowed they really just had a nice, yeah, positivity. And if we, you know, get in hard spots, we’re able to keep doing that. Just you know, we believe in our love now you such a stable love. Now, and yeah, it’s good.

28:02
Wow, praise God. That’s amazing. That’s just incredible. It’s been, it’s been amazing to, to walk this journey with you and see you grow and see you just mature in so many ways. And, and like I said, I mean, now you’re involved in the grad groups. And I’d love to hear what you maybe maybe give a little introduction and what it is and then how it has been for you.

28:29
Yeah, so the grad groups, we’d log on via zoom, and a small group of ladies, and we’re just able to share, be open and honest. And it’s that comfortable space that you might not have with other girlfriends. You have to talk about sex, let’s talk about marriage. Let’s talk about just all the stuff that might have to do with loving our husband well, and being the wives that we want to be. And yeah, it’s really been incredible. I’ve been involved for the past about five or six months. And it’s been I mean, the biggest support my marriage even thinking about since five months ago, has just really guy rocketed sentence. I mean, because every week we’re there to encourage each other and to keep each other accountable. And we can. Yeah, just lay out hey, here’s how we did last week. Here’s we talked about celebrations from our week. We talked about goals for our next week. And so, you know, we’re able to start fresh that day, encourage each other, share wisdom, someone will ask, pose a question, hey, I have a question. You know, can you give me some advice and we share advice we learn from each other. And what I love the most is we’re all like minded and so we all have that same goal, we all value and respect our husbands, their sexuality, and you know our own and just really know that it’s good. You know, God made them to desire it and it is so good. Yeah, so it’s really bad with the biggest like blessing you know, my girlfriends, I feel like I, you know, have these no girlfriends, we get to chat once a week, and just really encourage each other in this most important part of our lives.

30:09
Oh, amazing. Amazing. So if somebody is listening, and they really have never shared things about sex with anyone, do you think this is something that they would be comfortable in? And why do you think?

30:25
Yeah, I do. First of all, it’s anonymous. So if you feel, you know, you can see each other, but we just total, totally confidential. You know, we’re trustworthy women just chatting, and, you know, keeping it all there. So that’s a little privacy factor. I’m a super private person. So I really appreciate that. Yeah. And it’s been cool. There’s been different women. And some are very uncomfortable about just different words, different concepts, and things like that. But we’re sharing it there. And it just kind of is this comfortable place? Someone might say, hey, kind of too much information. And we’re like, No, this is where you do it, you know? Yeah. Like, it’s not TMI for us. And so, yeah, it’s been really cool to see people of all different comfort levels, to really be able to even you know, yeah, like I said, See these words, talk about these things. That they really might not otherwise it really is just comfortable, safe. Yeah, it really gives that just atmosphere.

31:20
Oh, that’s amazing. That’s so good. So if somebody is listening to this, and they’re thinking, you know, I never have really ever thought of, of being in a group, with women talking about sex, that’s seems unusual, you know, what would you say to someone who is feeling that way?

31:39
Yeah, um, I would say that’s okay. To feel that way. That makes a lot of sense. Because in this world, we don’t usually talk about it. But what a great opportunity to do that. And it is, it is just so important to do, and I think just had about what a cool chance to do it. And to see, it’s even cool to see the impact on other people, even to almost, you know, be part of the script and see how does this change in people’s lives. And you can really see, you know, how your work by law really changes lives. And so you can kind of see other people’s testimonies like, wow, this is a real deal. Like, this person, you know, just had this this issue last week, and, you know, with some intentional intimacy and action, wow, such love and such peace in their home. And it just, it really sees this stuff is real. Yeah, you can really just see it with all these women. Yeah. Opportunity. Oh,

32:35
praise God. That’s amazing hope. Well, if you know, again, if somebody is thinking about whether it’s coursework, or at, you know, joining into the grad group, what maybe what final advice or encouragement would you want to give them?

32:52
I would say, just the real the real impact that they could have on their marriage. So just say, you know, we matter us women, we are so important in our families, and that we matter, and we can impact our husbands like crazy, they want to love us. Well, I think that’s also a thing that just I’ve learned throughout this, you know, this work is like, he wants to love me, well, he wants to make me happy. And so allowing him to do that. Yeah, it just, it really it matters, it changes the dynamics of your home, I’m able to I took a bath last night, actually. And I was like, this is probably the best bath I’ve ever taken. Because I know when I stepped out of the bath, my home is just as peaceful. And before it might have been like, I’m just gonna hide in this bath for a while because, you know, there’s just, it was hard. But now it’s like, it is so good out there in my home. And I am so loved. And yeah, it just, it matters. It’s huge changes lives. My kids are loved better, they get to be in a peaceful home. And now, you know, we can all go out and just serve God and love well from a peaceful home.

34:06
Amazing, amazing. Hope I thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate it. And I appreciate you.

34:13
Oh, thank you. Thank you for everything

34:25
awesome, thank you hope and norm. It’s incredible to see God make these awesome changes. And I know that various programs have utterly changed my life. It took faith, it took an investment financially, emotionally. I had to believe that it could impact me in a deep way. And it truly has I mean, I can point to specific programs. And it took me to stretch myself to do it. And yet God that I mean, the fruit is in the results. It’s so clear that it was God’s will for me. So, yeah, I want to encourage you take the step of faith, go for it. God may have incredible things on the other side. Let me pray for you father, I lift up this person listening God they may be grasping for hope right now. They may be in the midst of pain, loneliness, sadness, feeling discouraged feeling like you have left them to fend for themselves in this marriage. That they’re the only ones working they’re the only ones pulling for it God and that might be true, father, but I have seen it so many times. Hope and norms testimonials are just a tiny smattering of it can truly change with one person doing the work wisely, strategically carefully with the right hearts with the right insight Insite so God I pray, Lord, for those that you have picked out that need this program, Lord, that there would be nothing holding them back. Nothing that could hold them back. Lord, we love you. We bless you and praise you in Jesus name. Amen. All right, I am praying for you your marriage, everything going on in your life. And hope to see you on the inside go to delight your marriage.com/enroll And yeah, do it now. Let’s go. God bless. Bye