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transcript

0:00
Hey there. belah rose, thank you so much. Sorry, I acted like I was talking to belah rose. I am belah rose,

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I am talking to you. And I thank you for joining me. So, what I’m doing here is reading an excerpt of my book, in hopes to encourage you in your marriage and your intimacy in your walk with God. I’m doing that every Tuesday. So I thank you for joining me, this is a little unusual, if you are a new, new to the podcast, I took a couple months off for the summer to focus on what I think God wants me to focus on at this point. But we’ll be back in August back to dy M. And so you can go ahead and check out the many interviews 130 Something interviews maybe more than that. So go to delight your marriage.com to listen to all of those wonderful interviews with amazing women and couple men and different topics. So lots and lots of different topics. Alright, so today’s reading, though, to encourage and inspire you. Are you unintentionally hurting him? Your insecurities pain him? Are you the kind of lady who likes roses on Valentine’s Day? Do you enjoy a special date planned for your anniversary? Or do you expect a surprise gift for your hubby on your birthday? These may seem like no brainers for you. But for him, it can be very scary. It feels like his abilities as a husband are on trial. I misunderstood my husband in this area for a long time. I thought that he didn’t want to bring me flowers or celebrate special days for me. But further, my mind would make up a story that he didn’t think I was worth these niceties. These are important to me. So it hurt when he missed an occasion or put no thought into a celebration where the day we eventually were able to uncover the truth. He felt vulnerable every time these occasions came around. He was so worried about whether I would like what he prepared. So often he would choose the safer route of doing our normal routines instead of anything special. Of course, these routines I’m typically satisfied with, but on these days, they would make me very disappointed. What he couldn’t understand was the pain he caused me he was or his quote unquote forgetting was avoiding the risk of being judged or letting me down. Plus, he unconsciously thought that ignoring them would make the expectation go away. Instead, it caused significant pain for me. He didn’t understand the pain, his insecurities were causing me. We are similar. As a woman, I fail to realize the pain I was causing my husband by withholding my body from him. Whenever I gained a few pounds, or maybe had a bad eating day, it was hard for me to indulge in a sexual experience because of my own insecurities. I was self conscious about my body and thought it wasn’t a big deal. If I didn’t engage intimately with him for a couple of times or a couple of days or for a while. I fail to realize the pain he went through by my disinterest in sex. For me, I thought he couldn’t possibly be attracted to someone who had gained those extra pounds. That’s the issue. We think our body is just about us. And our choices around sex are about our feelings. However your husband longs to see you and to be with you intimately. It does cause him pain if you cannot bring yourself to engage sensually. Just like my husband was causing me pain due to his own nervousness. It was not intentional selfishness that was stopping him. He was concerned that I would judge him. Your self consciousness is most likely causing your honey pain. At the least it’s robbing him of a more fantastic and fulfilling love life. self consciousness isn’t reality. Movies have messed up our understanding of what it feels like to be sexy. It seems like only women with perfect bodies and faces can be confident in bed that could not be further from the truth. God made you with a unique sexual appeal

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that no one possesses but you everyone feels vulnerable taking off their clothes. The only reason actresses and movies don’t seem self conscious is because they’re professional actors. It’s their job to make it look effortless. Even the skinniest, most proportionate women feel nervous about their bodies. The Hottest Women on magazine covers today will age just like the rest of us. Eventually, they too will have worries about the state of their appearance. If they’re putting their trust in their looks now, their feelings of body confidence will melt into self doubt. Everyone feels nervous at times. Most of us feel inadequate and a saucy Teddy. That doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t enjoy it. Even while you feel nervous. If you could see through his eyes, I bet you’d agree that you look great. Have you ever felt you looked terrible at an event. then weeks later, a couple of pictures from the party revealed a darn good looking lady. Our feelings about how we look are not to be trusted. self consciousness is a robber, it vandalizes all that we hold dear. If we start feeling self conscious, and our husband gazes off into the distance, we can come up with a story in our heads that he is disinterested or worse daydreaming about someone else. Both are probably ludicrous. I have wreaked havoc on my marriage. During a time when I felt particularly uncomfortable in my own skin. I that he had a wandering eye when we were out walking together. It was a beautiful summer day. And we were really enjoying each other’s company. I tried to shake the concern, but eventually I just asked him, he was surprised and immediately felt attacked. A storm clouds seemed to roll over our previously delightful afternoon. He felt like all the good he was doing in our relationship, which was plenty was totally irrelevant, that he could do nothing right in my eyes. Eventually, the upset subsided and he clarified that in fact, he had not been checking out the woman with the booty shorts, then it hit me. My own insecurity caused me to make this up in my mind, then his defensiveness or his defensive response made me feel even more discomfort and insecurity. This was a trap laid by the enemy. Both of us felt pain. Here we were enjoying a wonderful time together. And the enemy wants to steal that he wants to turn us against each other and insecurity is a very effective tool. So I go into that quite a lot more but just again, to reiterate, self consciousness is not reality. And it steals what God wants to do in your life. So don’t let it don’t let the enemy do that. It is it is just not okay. You have to fight that you have to fight that. To fight that this week. And fight that when you are seducing your husband we you are being playful and sexy and taking off your clothes fight the self consciousness because that’s not what God wants. God wants you to feel fully confident with your husband. All right, we will talk next Tuesday. Love you talk to you later.