—

transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy. Learn not only the practicals but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi there and welcome. This is Bella, thank you so much for joining. I’m really grateful that you’re tuning in because if you’re tuning in, that means that you want something in your marriage. You want some encouragement, inspiration, if you’re a wife listening, bravo to you. Dana is in a situation or was in a situation maybe like you where she didn’t want sex. It was a duty it was it was a high expectation. There was all sorts of things that was preventing her from intimacy. And then by God’s grace, everything changed. Everything changed for her. You’re going to hear that God took her on a ride a journey. And the catalyst for her transformation was a free masterclass, I put out. You know, God used that. And you have access to that same free masterclass, it’s going to be available just a short amount of time. If you’ve heard me talk about it before. I’m opening enrollment again, but it’ll be closing very soon. So go to delight your marriage.com/sc to get that free women’s masterclass. If you’re a husband, and you’re wondering, How in the world can I get my wife to do something like a masterclass? Well, I’ve got resources for you as well. I think the best way to start out is to actually get you to fill out a application for kind of like a consultation. It’s a free clarity call with somebody who’s been through the process himself. And because he changed his wife changed through a delay your marriage program. So we’ll find out what’s the right fit for you go to delight your marriage.com/cc if your husband. Alright, let’s dive in and hear Dana’s story. All right. So again, Dana, thank you so much for doing this. I’m really excited.

2:20
Thank you for having me. Yeah.

2:23
Wonderful. So just starting out, would you tell us a little bit about your, just your marriage history, and up until kind of before you met dy M and that sort of thing, how have things gone?

2:37
I’d be happy to I’d be happy to we will, my husband and I will have been married 19 years in July. And it’s safe to say that we’ve spent at least 17 of those years, at opposition. Not in not nothing terrible, we have not had any major, you know, just life choices that have have ruined our marriage. It’s just we entered the our marriage with two very separate lives. And we lived our marriage with two very separate lives. So that is not conducive to, you know, happy marriage and all the things. So we just we just made do we survived, we had good times, I’m not gonna say that it was all terrible. But it just, we just we survived. We raised really great kids, we’ve got kids, our kids are 15 and 11. Now, but as time went on, I just, we just grew more and more apart, we grew. Communication started to become really, really difficult. My husband is he works very, very hard for us. And a lot of that time he’s away. So there’s a lot of travel happening. And that’s difficult. Because when you’re not in the same house, you there’s, there’s just not it’s just not good. So we tried everything, I think, under the sun to better our marriage. And I felt like that was always driven by me that I was always looking for the next best counselor or I was looking for the next best course or, you know, marriage retreat, whatever it is, and we did all those things. But it was always me pulling him into this and saying this is what we’re going to do next. And every single one of those opportunities really did it. Well. First of all, it didn’t do anything for us. It might have worked for the first couple days once we got back home but then we just went right back into you know, our two separate ways of communicating and living and so it really just didn’t, it didn’t do anything for us. We were both believers. But I was very, very new to what being in walk with having a relationship with Jesus, it’s just not something I grew up with, you know, I believed in God, but that was about as deep as it went. But I was learning, you know, as I go, my husband was different. He was raised in the church, very strong believer. So it kind of, you know, envied that of him and just started to seek My own journey. We, but we never, even though we got married in the church, we never brought Christ into our marriage. And you couldn’t have said that you couldn’t have said to me, you, this should be a part of it, then because I really didn’t know what that meant. So he, although he I know now that he has blessed us all of these years, because even in the hardest times when I’ve literally wanted to just run away. God has always been in the back of my mind saying, I don’t believe in divorce. And I don’t believe that that’s an answer. Because if you leave these problems with that solution, you’re going to have all new problems. So you got to say, Okay, I’ll say but, you know, it really, I knew, eventually grew to know that there that God had a promise for our marriage that I just couldn’t grasp. And so I’ve been on a very interesting ride with God in the last year and a half. It started first with my business, but but he brought me into a community that promised help in my marriage, and not specifically but just because of my connection with Christ and letting him take my business and take the reins my business. And that to me was like, okay, Sign me up. Because if it’s gonna help my marriage, then I’m in I need my marriage needs help. And on that crazy roller coaster is how I found you. And your podcasts.

6:56
Oh, amazing. Amazing. Well, I’m curious, you know, 17 years. You know, on the other side, sometimes it’s easy to like, not have a whole lot of emotion, but I’m sure in the midst, like, I mean, how did that feel? 17 years of, you know, separated lives or what? Tell me more, tell me what that

7:19
just was. That’s just the way it was. And, you know, for the longest time, that was okay, I was a perfect, I was still performing professionally with ballet companies. We moved here to Tennessee, but I was still performing in Atlanta. So I would drive to Atlanta for the weekends and perform. And he was, you know, a an engineer. So he’s busy with work. But he also loved adventure racing. So he would go to the mountains and do his thing. And we just live that way. It’s how we were when we met. And it continued to be how we were when we got married. And as you know, as I was here, and you know, we started to have kids, but he was traveling a lot. I had to rely a lot on the community, and finding friends here in the community. So again, I had my friends and, you know, he had his, so it was, it was just never delightful. It was it was terrible. Like I said, I’ve never been harmed. He’s a very, very good man. We just didn’t have you know, the marriage that I saw in many of my Christ following Christ loving friends. I envied that. And I still have, you know, very close friend of mine today, who I have always envied her marriage, and it’s just so sweet. And they just, you could just tell when they’re in the room, how much they love each other. Whereas when, when my husband and I were in the room Yeah, so I just, I just always knew there had to be more. I couldn’t quite figure out how to get it. Yeah, yeah. Wow. You’re teaching God’s timing. And your teaching showed me that I was the problem. Now. We’re too it’s a marriage. It’s a combination. And he, he is a you know, born of sin, just like I am. But I learned things from you that about biblical marriage, and about my role as a wife to serve my husband and honor God doing so that I never knew. I just just wasn’t part of it. You know, we got married and in church and under God, and that’s about as far as he went, you know? So it it’s just started, I just needed I knew that when I found your podcast, I knew that I was God had brought me on this wild ride to the right place with your compassionate teaching, for me to hear it the way that I needed to hear it. Because I’ve heard all the things before, and it never registered. And when I say the things I mean literally, like, how I am to be in my marriage and how I am to serve my husband in an urge, which ultimately delights me too. Yes.

10:33
Amazing. Okay, so So yeah, so, you know, all glory to God. Absolutely. Like, this is just amazing. So so. So from the pandemic, from this shift in career from, you know, going on this journey, this roller coaster finding the podcast, what? Do you remember what it was about listening to something that kind of either caught your attention or caused you to listen, or, I mean, a lot of women I say that because men listening, many men come to me and, you know, are like, I don’t know how to get my wife to listen to you. I’ve tried to forward her stuff, or what have you. A curiosity I’m sure they have.

11:16
Yeah, definitely. I was while I was directed to your podcast, it was the sherry Jennings episodes. And I’ve met Sherry, on that wild roller coaster ride, met her through zoom. And he sent my friends and I her podcast with you. And although Sherry’s story was more extreme than mine, there were a lot of similarities in her story with my marriage. And so, um, but it was the way that you spoke with Sherry, it was I don’t know, it’s hard to describe LA, you have a gift that I’ve never experienced before. And I just felt like you were speaking to me. And so I just kind of went where the Spirit led me within your podcasts, because there are a lot to choose from, which is awesome. And I love the fact that your your titles are exactly what you’re going to speak on. That was very helpful, because I could go through there and I felt like I needed guidance in, you know, a certain area. And I could just scroll through the the titles and find what I needed. And so listening to you, was that it was just, I didn’t have to think about it. I mean, that had become my number one podcast, because, again, remember, I had been promised that I that my marriage could heal. And I can’t remember if it was you or Sherry, who said in the podcast that as long as we have breath, we have hope. And that’s all I needed. Like that is all I needed to cling to. And so with that piece of wisdom, I knew there had to be more, I just had to uncover it. So I became very, very hungry for more of that and more understanding of that had a lot of healing to do. I’ve got, you know, a promiscuous pass, I’ve got passed that I’m not proud of and pass that really now looking back on it, put a lot of deep hurt in me. And so it really truly became my own journey. Like, I love my husband and I want our marriage to work but I needed to there was a lot of stuff that I needed to work on for myself and your podcast again did that for me. And then you introduce the masterclass Yes.

13:54
Oh my gosh, I’m so excited.

13:57
So the free masterclass, I was like, Well, yeah, I mean, that’s kind of how he’s got his lead me anyway, when I find a podcast that I really enjoy, and then there’s a little bit more, I’m like, Okay, I need a little bit more. And so I was all about it. Um, I love the video series. I love the fact that I get to listen to you. I’m very much an audio learner. I do that much better than I do reading. So I loved that I could just sit and watch you talk to me and hear what you’re teaching. Again, the compassion in your voice and your, your passion for marriage comes through in all of those videos. So I knew again, I knew I was in the right place. I needed somebody who could compassionately bring me into this, this place I needed to be. So it was within that one week of time and my diligence in not letting go of what of God’s promise for our marriage, that the Holy Spirit 100% took residence in me and the things that you suggested we do for homework done like there is truly no other explanation then the Holy Spirit. And that’s not something I’ve ever experienced before. That’s, that’s new for me. Although my journey and my growth, you know, in my relationship with Christ has grown significantly over the last many years. That was something that I just didn’t know what that was, until now. Because there’s no other explanation for the things that I’m experiencing in this in your teaching than the Holy Spirit. Because, I mean, I was repulsed by touch. I was repulsed by even thinking that I needed to touch my husband and I’m talking about hug. Like, it was it’s his love language. And it became my it just became very, very, very difficult for me because it really was the enemy’s chokehold on me. And that’s gone. That is 100% golden. Yeah. So within the masterclass if I were, if the Holy Spirit could move that deeply in May in the masterclass when your offer to join the community came up. My my bargain by bargaining self was like, oh, you know, there’s that there’s a financial aspect to that. I’m not sure I can do that. This if this has been really good. Maybe I’ve got all I need. And then the Lord spoke up and he said, I’ve provided financially for you ever since you gave your business over to me? Why would I not provide financially for you to continue healing your marriage for My glory? Okay, so I’m Yeah. And that was it. I mean, that was it. I was like, like, Okay, you’re right, because I knew what I knew, but I knew it was only the tip of the iceberg. And I knew that I needed to I needed support. Like, I needed to be with other women and jumping into community, with women, I don’t know, with with strangers is not hard for me, because that’s part of my business. So thankfully, that was already in place. But I needed to be surrounded by women who, who were doing scary things with me. Guess who were working on their own courage? And I could find confidence, more confidence in that. And that’s exactly what it’s been and I think it’s only been three weeks I think yeah, it is. It is it is it’s it’s amazing. I have if you don’t mind me sharing I’m very much as I said, I’m an audio learner and worship. Music is is touches my heart very deeply. And one of my favorites on my Spotify list only recently became very clear in the meaning behind it. And if you don’t mind out, we kind of read a couple verses. Okay, so it’s grace alone by kings kaleidoscope, and I was in darkness all of my life. I never knew the day from the night, but spirit you made me see, and I swore I knew the way on my own. A Head Full of rocks and a heart made of stone that spirit you moved in me and that your touch my sleeping spirit was awakened on my Darkened Heart the light of Christ has shown called into a kingdom that can be shaken heaven citizen by grace and grace alone.

19:11
That sums it up right there. It’s like the old me in my old marriage and the new me in the promise that that promise that God has for us and my husband said by the way, I really like the new you Yeah,

19:39
okay, so let’s let me ask you if you if you’re open to it, even like practically what was it like? What was it like an intimacy before and what is it like now? Do you mind sharing?

19:52
I don’t mind sharing it all because there was none. We were sex less for Two or three years, I’d lost count, to be honest with you, because remember, I didn’t, I was repulsed by touch. So that that sex intimacy that no one’s going to happen, I literally when the alarm went off, I’m out of bed, you know, I got to get on to my, my routine. You know, sleeping in, you know, different places of the house is very, very disconnected. It just didn’t accept, um, and I, it was a visceral feeling that I had that I just couldn’t get rid of that I couldn’t get past. I had mentioned earlier it was that’s the end. And that’s the way the enemy had me. He had me under his control that way. And one week in a masterclass with you. And I just, it was taken from me, I really can’t take any credit for it, Bella, I can’t say, I did this. I was excited about your teaching. And I just went for it. I just went for it. And we’ve had more sex in the last through two or three weeks than we’ve had probably, well, two or three years or more, for sure. Because I get like, I get why I need to love him. And that part of it. You know, sex is like the the culmination, but that’s not all. You know, I get now I, I longed for his touch. And I want to touch him. When he comes in the door, I want to wrap my arms around him a hug. I, I just see him as because you taught me what at why God made men and man and, and how and what his desires are not because he is hungry for it. But because that’s what God laid on his heart and he can’t help it. Like it’s just in him. And I realized, within your teaching how much hurt I was causing in our marriage, by not being affectionate. By not just laying my hand on the shoulder and being close. There was I was putting a whole lot of hurt on him. And remember, this was now on a Mac I was at that point where I knew that it was I could only work on me. I cannot work on him. It’s that’s up to him to do him and God that’s that’s their thing, not mine. But what I’ve been able to do by by the by the Spirits power is changing. I’ve had three very close friends of mine and their their confidence of mine that I get to speak to they speak into me. They pray for me, they pray for us. And all three of them in separate accounts, separate occasions have come to me and said he’s different. He talked to me now he’s a very friendly person. So it’s not like, you know, ignoring people wasn’t, wasn’t himself. And I was rude to that. And that wasn’t okay with me anymore. Like I needed that to, I needed that to stop. And I’ve got two we have two kids. I have a daughter who’s 11 and a son who’s 15. And I don’t want them to grow up in the household that that they’ve spent the last tons of years and I want them in a household where they see mommy and daddy totally in love with each other and respectful to each other. And I needed that I only have three more years left and my son’s you know, it’s gonna go off to college. Three years like this now or never. And God’s timing, your podcast or teaching and my diligence. I just wasn’t going to let go. I wasn’t going to let go. I didn’t know what it looked like and it was big and scary. But he’s he’s shown me all that it’s an it to the

24:37
day No, this is utterly amazing, utterly. Um so so it sounds like you know God really opened your eyes softened. Your heart really changed you in single teaching. I mean absolutely. Holy Spirit is incredible. how, like, how do you feel towards your husband now?

25:06
I can’t I, I just love him. But I’m excited to see him. I’m sending him little text messages, you know, throughout the day. Yeah, flirty, just fun like that there was a tension in this household that was palpable, hated weekends, hated weekends, because we were going to be stuck in here all together. But that’s just gone. Like I can breathe again. I I have compassion for the minutes time he has to spend at work providing for us. I’m excited to you know, get him out of his his habits and his routines and into the bedroom. Like, who am I? Yeah, it’s very new. It’s new. And really, truly, it’s like, we’ll be married 19 years in July. And I feel like we’re beginning to feel like we’re at the beginning. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

26:23
Um, so I work with so many men that are really in your husband’s shoe we’re wearing your husband was by God’s grace, not anymore. But, um, do you have a sense of how you got there? Like, was there a downward progression that somehow he, you know, attributed to that kind of got you to that place,

26:49
I came into my marriage with a lot of expectation, not realizing that I came into my marriage with a lot of expectation. I expected us to move into this house. And it’d be, you know, the way I wanted it to be. And I’m not an overly particular person, or kind of a slob myself. But you know, just, I had a ton of expectations. And I’ve learned over all these years that that’s bad. But I couldn’t. It just it just I wouldn’t, I would say I didn’t have any more expectations. But clearly, I still did, clearly there was, it was still in the way. So I didn’t feel like I was being loved the way I needed to be loved. And I was unable to love Him the way He needed to be loved. And because we were at opposite ends, that’s just what we lived in. We just lived in this cycle of hurt, where you’re not going to and we nobody ever said well, if you’re not gonna do this, then I’m not going to do this. Like we weren’t childish about it. But that was the that was the attitude that was the raw, you know, in our house was just complete completeness. And, you know, I, that’s really the only way I can explain it is that we just expected certain things of each other. And those expectations were never met. And it really, they really backfired on us. Because he didn’t do anything specific, you know, to hurt me. And I’ve always known that he’s loved me. And I’ve always known that we were brought together for a reason. But we just grew so far apart that there was there was very little hope for loving each other. The way we were supposed to be loving each other. And I take a lot of ownership and just not knowing I just had never been taught that things that you teach in your course about marriage about biblical marriage and, and intimacy and what God actually intended it for. I’d heard those words before, but that’s as far as it went. You go into a much better explanation then I’ve ever heard before. I just I didn’t know that I was not honoring God by not giving my husband affection. Just didn’t register. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

29:34
You know, it’s just it’s it’s amazing. It’s it’s just amazing to hear your story. I’m sure there were some things you had to get over before being able to listen to someone about sex, right for having that perspective for so long, right. Were there certain things that you were like, I don’t want to listen to that because how was it?

29:58
It wasn’t that way. Wow. It wasn’t that way. Again, this has been a long journey for me, like, I’ve been, I’ve been seeking. I’ve been seeking this for a long time. I just didn’t. I just didn’t come across it until I heard you until I heard your podcast. Um, there wasn’t, there hasn’t been any of the content that you deliver to us that I’ve pushed back on. Quite the opposite. I listened to Module Five, the other day on language. Oh, and then promptly spent an hour shopping online for nice pieces of clothing. And I don’t excuse me, I really it I just want it I guess I just wanted to be here. I wanted to be at peace with him because we’re supposed to be doing this life together. And we hadn’t been. And yeah, they’re everything that you that you present is a challenge to me. And maybe that is something I like a challenge. I like a challenge. I’m no, I’m not saying everything you’ve said. I’ve jumped into just yet. I’m working on that. But I do. i There’s a thrill now. Like, and maybe it’s it’s the piece that he doesn’t know about this, that he doesn’t know that I’m participating in your course right now. I did send him back in the workshop. Other masterclass skews me, I sent him one of the emails that you had sent to us. And it was didn’t say a whole lot. It just kind of the gist of things. And I had said to him when I heard, as long as we have breath, we have hope, when I’d heard that in the podcast. And we had were at odds with each other. I told him that, that that was what I was clinging to. So I kind of went back to that statement and used your email. And I just forwarded it and said, By the way, this is what I’m studying now. And that was it. I didn’t. I didn’t have questions I didn’t. I didn’t look for a reply. just sent it. And then I’ve also been reading your book. And I started reading your book before I joined the master class. Okay. So within that week of the master class, I took a picture of the front of the book. But I normally keep a sticky note on the front of the book, because it sits next to my bedside. And so I took the sticky note off, took a picture of the book and sent it to him and said, This is my new book. But I never I’ve not told him that I am a part of your community. I will when the time is right, I will because i It’s not that I don’t want him to know that I’m working on this. But I didn’t want there to be any expectations of okay, she’s doing another thing. Because I’ve tried everything. Right. I said that. I didn’t want him to think that this was just another thing that I was trying to do to fix him. For. Right, I I wanted to just I just needed it to be mine. Maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t think he’s complaining. I don’t think so if so now, you know, as I continue on, and things get a little even more flirty and a little more fun. It’s kind of like my best kept secret. Because the community, your your teachings in the communities can they keep giving me new ideas. And so I keep you know, forwarding those ideas on to him. And I almost don’t want the mystery to end. Yeah, I will see he’ll find out one day. I kind of thought maybe by doing this interview, he might have to come home and I’d have to spill the beans. Okay, I like it. I like that. There’s some there’s some, you know, some mystery in it. And there’s no harm being done because like I said, I guarantee you that he is not complaining at all with whatever it is I’m doing.

34:47
Oh my gosh, amazing. Well, Dana, I’m curious. Um, if you would, you know mention what you would say to your, you know, yourself maybe a couple years ago or many years ago, you know, because there are women who are going to listen who are in a spot where they don’t want their husband to touch them. They don’t want him to initiate they don’t want. They just, they’re out of spot for whatever reason. And it sounds like you don’t, you didn’t even have strong reasons necessarily as to why. And I think a lot of women are in that boat. I mean, what would you say to them, I had

35:28
stubborn reasons. I was very stubborn, I thought that I deserved to be treated a certain way, regardless of how I acted. But the one thing that I, again, I knew there was a promise for our marriage. And I wasn’t willing to let go of that. And so I’ve been very, very diligent about lead about following God on the path that he’s led me on to get here. And like I said, it started in my business, it didn’t even start right away with you, I don’t know that I would have been ready to, to hear or to do the things that you suggest we do. If it if it had come earlier, because I wasn’t fully trusting God. And fully trusting him and being coachable. Like, I’m fully aware that I don’t know at all. And I am fully aware that there are people out there who have a gift that I can learn from, and you’re one of those people, and it was just very, very apparent to me, right from the beginning that you, you were in this to heal marriages. And I needed I needed a good strong leader like that, like you to get me to where I am. So I stayed in the word, I have a very strong morning routine. Now, it’s slipped a little bit in the last couple of weeks, but I think God’s okay with it. So, I stayed in that mode, the morning routine and, and at different times, I’ve studied different, you know, different aspects of my life, there’s a lot of personal development, I believe very strongly in that. And I just kept, he just kept leading me back to working on myself, and praying for my husband. I have a dear friend who just happened to send me a prayer that she wrote for husbands. And I printed that prayer. And I have been saying that prayer out loud, every day, for the last probably two months. Even when even in the beginning when I didn’t believe it. I still said it out loud every day because I needed a new heart. That’s that really was I needed a new heart for my marriage. And I needed to be blinded to the things that kept me intention in my marriage. And I’m gonna say I’m gonna be honest with you a lot of the things that that cause tension in me are chaos and clutter. Well, this is my office, this is my home office. It’s, it’s not cluttered. But the rest of my house is still cluttered. So see, like, it’s not like I’ve, I’ve, I’ve come to this place, and I’ve adapted your learning, and I’m doing the things which I am doing. But I’m not there’s I’m not expecting even what I’m doing now, to make an immediate change in our marriage when it comes to that space. So it makes sense. Like, I at times, I find myself reverting back to oh, these piles are just, you know, like, drives me crazy. But then I have to stop. And I have to think like, you can’t let that rule you anymore. That’s not what’s most important here. And so now I’m able to recognize where I’m losing control and can reel myself in faster. Not quite fast enough yet, but it’s getting there. And I can put that to the side. And I just, I see little things that he’s beginning to do without me asking to do them in their little, but they’re big to me. They’re big to me. And so again, I have to trust that God has me right where he needs me to deliver that promise. So I can’t let go. So I still have I still hold on to that as long as we have breath we have hope. Like I still hold on to that theory.

39:59
Yeah. Yes. And I have to credit that to one of my dear mentors, she is wildly wise. And that is where I got it.

40:09
Clarify that because yes, it was one of you

40:12
know, she is just amazing. And at one point, I’ll be able to give her full full credit if she gives me leeway to do that. But she is unbelievable. But, but you are. So you are so right. There is hope. And so if you know, there’s a husband out there listening who just at this point probably is in tears, you know, has been believing for your wife to come to this sort of Revelation. If it can happen for Dana, it can happen for your marriage. And we we do have to trust and and continue this journey. And, you know, if you’re a wife listening who has been in Dana shoes for maybe as long or longer. You know, what would you say if you were speaking directly to her? Dana, if you were just wanting to give a heart to heart, what would you

41:07
I would just say don’t give up. Don’t give up. But don’t stay where you are either. If you stay where you are you your your heart may not be ready for change. My heart was ready for change. I just wasn’t capable of accepting it on my own. And know that there is there’s a lightness and a life beyond where you are right now. That is unmatched anything else. And it but it takes it does take some I hate to use the word work because that makes it sound hard. I think if you if you trust in the process, if we trust in your process, Bella and and what you teach us as women, there’s a lot of Gosh, courage, and confidence. And those are things that I never would have. I never would have equated with myself in my marriage, maybe outside, maybe in my entrepreneur side. But not in my marriage. And to be able to have alignment there is like the sky’s the limit. Like, um, bring it you know, I don’t know what’s next. But don’t give up. That’s, that’s the biggest thing. That’s the biggest thing. Don’t leave these problems for new problems. Pray, pray for your husband, pray for your marriage and your family. Get in these teachings and learn learn that there’s that there’s just simple steps, little steps that you can take day by day, that make a huge difference. And if I if, if the Holy Spirit can do in me what he’s done. He can do it for anybody. Because I did not think I did. You would never have convinced me that I would be here. Never have convinced me of that. But it’s possible. Anything. I mean, he’s the God of the impossible. Right? I was pretty impossible. That was pretty impossible.

43:42
That’s amazing. That’s just awesome. If you Yeah, if somebody is considering the the program, the women’s course. Was there any final advice you

43:56
signed up yesterday? Don’t Don’t hesitate. And I am fully aware Bella that I know that I’ve only been in your program for a short amount of time. And I would maybe guess to say that, that this is a bit unusual that that something might happen this quickly. Because I do see the other other women in there and they’re they’re taking baby steps as just as I am. But that’s okay. Because that’s the other thing that’s beautiful about this is that it’s on your timing and it’s God’s God’s gonna lay on your heart if you’re willing to listen and if you’re willing to just try a little bit harder each day. It’s a process. It’s a process. And even though my, you know, dy M process is short, my lifelong process. It’s been a longer process than that. So, it doesn’t matter where I don’t think it matters where you are. I think it matters where that you just come in with an open mind and an open heart.

45:04
Yeah, that’s awesome. And to your point, you know, for those who who really are at a at a spot of Yeah, fear, just really being unsure if you know, a community like that. I mean, what? What am I getting myself into? What? What are your thoughts on that?

45:27
Um, yeah, I kind of wondered that too. I did wonder that I mean, you know, we’re talking, you’re real. And you call things like they are. And so there’s no shying away from certain words, or certain behaviors or certain acts even. And, you know, at first I was like, Oh, my God, we’ll handle that. But because of the context that it’s in, and because that I know, and I trust that I’m in a confidential space, I have no problem being me, The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly. Like, I expect trouble. And don’t don’t get me wrong. Just because we’ve come to this place here. Doesn’t mean that we’re not going to face trouble. Because life is hard. And we’re parents, and you know, it’s gonna get difficult, but I know that I can lean into that community. And I can be honest about what’s what’s going on. And there are women who have been in there longer than me, who are going to be able to speak to where I am. And, and help me through that. So yeah, maybe I was a little apprehensive at first because it’s new. But I wasn’t willing to, I needed to go full in if I was going to make a change. And I’ve been waiting a long time for me to change. So there wasn’t, you know, in me, there wasn’t any more like, oh, well just kind of hang out and see, no, I’m done with that. I just needed the change, I needed my heart to change. So I stayed on the outskirts, you know, if I stayed in the fringes, then maybe I wouldn’t have come to this as quickly as I did. I don’t know. Yes, but I’m comfortable in there. And I don’t feel threatened. And I don’t feel intimidated. And I love when other women share, you know, the things that are working for them. Because then like I said before, that gives me ideas, some things that might work well for us. So there’s, there’s just a lot of good,

47:34
amazing, safe space. So for somebody who’s wondering, like, how was this thing set up? Can you kind of break it down for them how the program set up?

47:45
The yes, we’re so when you first start, you’re given a module to learn. And those are video trainings that come with PDFs if necessary. Or you can, you know, follow along on the screen and read. And then those modules I think, are designed for you to take your time in. I burned through them all very, very quickly. Because, again, I I worked for myself, so I have, you know, lots of quiet time. And I really wanted this just to be me. So I didn’t want to do any of this in times when I had to, like go somewhere else and be quiet or not listen out loud. So the modules are set up for any rate, do you want to burn through them, like I did go for it. But if you want to take your time and really dig deep into those, then that’s fine too. And then the I love the fact that we have community in a separate app, where we can communicate and encourage each other. It’s set up in such a way that if I have a little thing that I did that I’m kind of proud of myself about that I get to come in there and share it. And, and those other women are going to celebrate right alongside of me. Because they get it. Yes, get what a big deal that is like for me to shop online for an hour after module five, like, I went in there and I shared that. And you know, again, and everybody comes in, and it’s good to be celebrated, especially when you’re in a vulnerable place like this. Any confirmation you can get that, that I can get that I’m you know, doing the right thing is, is good. So, again, I love that that’s tucked into its own separate app, the the meetings, the Zooms that we do every week there that are going to be really good, you know, the wheels are just we’re just the train is just starting to leave the station. But I see it as just a deeper level of encouragement than the app where we get to chat. It’s just face to face. You know, help me or celebrate me, let me you know, see what speaks to me for you and it’s very loving

50:01
Awesome, awesome. And that’s a group of, you know, five to six with a dy M trained mentor. Yes, I’m so grateful you describe that. And the other only other piece of it is the the monthly coaching or the monthly kind of get together of all the ladies. So

50:21
we’ve had one, we had one of those right in the beginning. And then one is coming up soon. So I’m super excited about that. Yes, yes, yes. And I love the little extras, the dance class that that you guys had, unfortunately, I couldn’t take part in it, but I’m waiting for the next one. So there’s just, it’s just fun. Yes. A lot of different avenues to go down. And there are different ways to come out of your comfort zone.

50:46
Yes, yes. And I love also that you said it’s also some, some women are brand new moms and like, you know, in the throes of it with many, many children and like they’re in the throes of just busy, busy lives. So this is, you know, the program is really set up for women who are busy, you know, it’s not an overwhelming program. It’s a one hour a week, once a month, it might be two hours, you know, just the support that’s needed. I love it. I love your Yeah, I love your heart here, Dana. Yeah, is there anything else that you want to make? Sure you mentioned, kind of wrapping up.

51:30
Um, the only other the only other piece that I have that I don’t think I’ve mentioned is the community that I have surrounding me here. In life, I think it’s incredibly important to be surrounded by women as women who you can confide in, and who understand your heart for Christ. And I’ve got some really strong warriors, standing up for me and standing up for my marriage. None of them they weren’t necessarily privy to what I had stepped into before I stepped into it. But now that I’m in girls, but it’s it’s deeper than just girlfriends. Like these are women who, who will just step in from my heart, and help me protect it and help me grow and share their own experiences. So multifaceted. But covered, uncovered, uncovered up in everything, I need some training from you, and community from you to support outside of that. And a really strong desire in my heart to to have a great marriage. And to have fun. Yes,

52:45
yes. I feel like every time I see you post, it’s just like, you are enjoying your marriage now like this is this is good. I love it. Well. Would you be willing to pray for the the woman listening who again may have been in your shoes kind of pray for us as well. We’re on the call here. Okay.

53:07
Be happy to your Lord, thank you so much for your kindness, and your compassion toward marriage, and toward the hearts of women who just longed for more. Stay steady in our hearts, Lord. Give us opportunities to seek you more. And to understand the depth of marriage and and what you created it for and what you created man and woman and how unbelievably special we are in our own bodies. But how coming together is just, it’s all that you’ve desired for us. Lord, please, please bring that into the hearts of the women that might be listening today. Give them courage. Give them courage and strength to just hold on and to seek you and to seek Bella and her teaching. And then to be willing to listen and to just give in to you and to listen to your guidance and, and go where you’re leading us Lord. We have we as women have so much to give so much to give. But if we’re in our own way, then we’re not honoring you in what you created in us. So Lord, just I just pray for those women. I pray for the women who were in the space that I was in for so long, where I just knew there had to be more but I couldn’t bring myself to find it. it, and I just I pray that you help them, I pray that you help them more to see what, what’s out there for them that that your promise and our marriage really, truly is alive. And it can be good, it can be so so good lord. So just speak to those women, speak to them and give them courage, give them confidence. And just let them know, let them know that, that they’re loved in you and that they, they can be loved in their marriage so deeply that that it feels that it fills them up rather than scaring them away. Lord, thank you so much for for all that you’ve done in that in my heart and in the hearts of the women who are listening to the podcast or who have invested in in Bella’s course, just thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you for showing us through Bella’s gift, what you have in store for us in terms of marriage. We’re so eternally grateful for your love and your compassion. In Jesus name, amen.

56:21
Amen. Thank you so much, Dana. This was amazing. My pleasure. My pleasure. Okay, we’re done. It’s great. Yeah, that was awesome.

56:39
I’m just so happy to share. More people need more women just need to hear. They just need to hear from you. And that anything is possible to just open your heart.

56:52
It’s incredible. It really, really, really is. And I’m not I’m not joking. How many man I just the heart cry that you are sharing of like, this is what they’re praying for their wives, you know, this transformation. And if it can happen for you, it can happen for their marriage, you know, and like you said, it was this journey that God took you on? Like, you’re not responsible for any of that, like that was God’s work in all of these things. So yeah,

57:24
yeah. I just had to be willing to get out of the way. Say one more time. I had to be willing to just get out of the way and and learn. be coachable? Yes. And an open. Yes. Elegant.

57:42
It’s amazing. Again, Dana. I’m so thrilled. Thank you. Really.

57:47
I’m honored. I’m honored that you’ve asked and that I could share here today.

57:51
Oh, yay. So welcome. So welcome. Okay, well, I will be seeing you soon.

58:00
Definitely.

58:02
Awesome. How much? All right, have a great weekend. Thanks again, Dana. Thank you. Alright, bye. Hi, it’s just amazing to hear Dana’s story, isn’t it? Wow, praise God. I want that for you. I want you to have that kind of transformation of intimacy, encouragement and confidence and even desire. Like you can hear it in her voice. She’s just completely transformed in her heart around sex and understanding. It’s very different than what she thought it was. And so I’d love to invite you to that same free masterclass that she went through. Again, it’s a limited time. So if you would go to delight your marriage comm slash sc. And you can get access to that. And if you’re a husband, and you’re wondering, how can I do my part, I would encourage you to go to delight your marriage.com/cc and you’ll have the opportunity to apply for clarity call and we’ll walk through with you. How to Yeah, how to do next steps for you. All right, let me pray for you. God, I ask that the woman or husband listening would not lose hope, God that you can transform your marriage you can you can transform their intimacy and you can make it more connected and loving than they could even imagine. Just like Dana pray that give them that hope that it could happen for them and give them the ability to to take those the brave steps needed for them to make those important changes and get help and do what they need to do. In Jesus name, Amen. All right, go to delight your marriage.com/sc Sign up for that free masterclass. I’ll see you on the inside. God bless bye