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This is part 2 of the amazing transformations (rapid-fire style — only 5 minutes each) that we get to see in DYM programs! Love for you to listen!
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi there, this is belah and I’m releasing another rapid fire intimacy transformations because I want your faith to grow. We so often see families and marriages break down all around us. Where is it that we’re hearing things transform in the positive? Where is it happening? And you know, the enemy sometimes lies to me and is like, oh, Bella, you can’t make this all about you. And you’re just duct duct full of hot air and, and the truth of the matter is no. This is a testimony of Jesus. I’m his tool. I’m imperfect, I mess up. But man, God is using this work to change lives to change husbands, their wives, their families, their kids. In generations, literally, it’s impacting not only the kids, but their grandkids already. And so what I want to do is give you more stories, to say you can have hope you can have faith and we’ve got two giant wins I want to share with you one is that the most men we’ve ever had have signed up for the free men’s masterclass the most the most, which is just amazing. And so if you are not a good fit for the masterclass, maybe because you’re a woman, or because you’re already a graduate of my program, I invite you to pray, I invite you to listen to the stories, grow your faith by listening to them, and pray that more men would have these heart realizations, these transformations, as well. And the second big win is that I keep hearing men are joining the program. Enrollment closes Monday night 1159, Eastern Time, October 18. So we’ve just got two more days. And so what I would love is, you know, that Bible verse, where the story is about the disciples, and they are fishing and fishing and fishing, they’re doing their very best to get the fish all night long. And it’s not until Jesus shows up and tells them fish on this side, which of course they’ve been doing that before. But when Jesus shows up, all the fish come in to the nets, so much so that it’s almost too much for them to bear. So I want to invite you to pray that God would do that, that there would be so many men that are hungry for transformation, just like these men. And there are many in my programs that they literally heard the Holy Spirit, say they need to sign up for this, no matter what’s the cost, no matter what happens, they need to do this work. And by God’s grace, you’ve heard many of their testimonials on either this or another recording. And it’s impacting so many lives. So I call this the Family Edition because there are many children represented in this in the success stories here, so So let’s dive into these rapid transformations.
3:42
Not long after our first child, we actually went from one to four babies, and only for 14 months. If we had twins, and then 14 months later, we had our fourth child after that. So our family grew very quickly. Early on, around that time is when I graduated with my master’s degree. And then I was trying to look for work and it was kind of a it was a stressful time for us. For both of us. If you were to ask either one of us about it. We were basically surviving during those early years. And it really kind of killed the emotional connection that we had, you know, the things that were great when when we very first started, got married. And the things that were good about our relationship, even when we were dating before that we lost. Basically the emotional connection kind of died, because we both felt alone and separate in our own ways because we were both trying to take care of our responsibilities. And we really didn’t have bandwidth to love each other or take care of each other. What I was doing wasn’t working, you know, and so I needed some help I needed someone else to be able to help give me some guidance on What, what in the world to do to repair our relationship? I started, you know, looking online, you know, the biggest library in the world, okay? And trying to, okay trying to find, trying to find articles and anything that I could find that would maybe be helpful perspective. And there’s a lot of garbage worldly advice out there. There’s a lot of unhelpful advice. And you know, you got to sift through that you’re looking for help on marriage. And you got to sift through all that. There’s some Christian resources out there. There’s even some good Christian resources out there, but there’s not very many. And the majority of them do not go very deep. A lot of them just skim the surface and say, well, here’s what the Bible says, Good. husbands should love their wives the way the Christ loved the church and gave him some for it. Yes. Now, how do you do that? How do you do that? You know, I’m, you know, God doesn’t want us to literally have ourselves nailed to a cross for our wife, that’s not, you know, that’s not the application of it. You know, I did find your website, the dy M website, after probably about a year of looking for, for resources. After you know, a couple years of following your podcast, I saw the masculinity reclaim program, I looked at I said, I know that this is what I need. And I listened to enough of your podcast now that you got a lot of wisdom that you share. And I was starting to understand some things about my wife, I was starting to understand some good things that I could do. But I knew that this class was going to go a lot deeper, you know, than just being able to listen to the podcast, but I learned that you know, some of my attempts in the past, okay, yeah, I knew they backfired. Well, now I kind of learned why did they backfire? Okay, why was that not the right way to address it with my wife, during the early part, the first couple months of it, it was really hard for me. But after a couple of months, she started acting a little bit different towards me, you know, you know, she she started being more friendly towards me. And not just, you know, not just friendly, okay, she was, she was being more friendly intimately. Also, you know, the first real nice gesture that she made, I kind of chalked it up as well, this is the kind of thing that happens, you know, every year or so. You know, so I wasn’t I wasn’t really convinced right away that she was really changing yet, you know, because these kinds of things everyone smiled happen. But then after, you know, about two or three weeks of her being consistent, she changed. Okay, I was doing the work in this class, okay, I was learning little things that I could do differently. And she responded to it, and change towards me dramatically. You know, she started, she started to relax around me and get more comfortable around me. You know, she actually started to act like, she was attracted to me again, like when we were first, you know, when we were dating or when we were first married. You know, she went from, from rejecting me 90% of the time to now she’s initiating on average, once a week, you know, we went from her having a bad and resentful attitude about it. To now she’s excited and passionate and energetic about it. Now, she’s not only doing some of those things that I had asked about in the past, she’s coming up with new stuff on her own that I hadn’t even thought of. So
8:38
we’re having, we’re having a great time and that aspect of the relationship. My stress levels are a lot less than they were when I started the class. I sleep better now. Okay, I’ve got better emotional health than I had, then. I mean, it was really bad when when I started when I when I came to the program, I felt like I was pretty much on the bottom. I mean, I really, I really wanted God to take me home. If I could just be done with it, I hurt really bad. That’s where I was when I started the class. And that’s completely different now. God’s God’s helped me tremendously. And you know, he used the use this class use you to, to to help me. This class can help us men in a way that I didn’t find any other resource that couldn’t.
9:37
We’ve been married 25 years, the first few years of marriage. There were good, but my wife had been in a previous marriage where there was some infidelity on her ex husband’s part. So she was kind of like holding back from me. So we come to figure out there was trust issues there. So we had to worked through that. We were both Christians, you know, when we got married, but I brought porn into the marriage she didn’t know about. And so I kept that hidden for several years. And Bill, you know, the Lord was always convicted me about it, but he’s like, how to tell her you know. And so I did tell her and it just shattered her world once again, because it’s the same as having an affair, you know, even though it’s not necessarily physical. And so, but we worked through that. But intimacy, we both got pleasure out of it, even though the physical was being met the emotional, what wasn’t being met, you know, we just went on with life. Four years ago, it had gotten to a point where we were more like roommates. And I told her this, and once again, it just crushed her. But I said, that love you, but I don’t like you. And so that was just like, just another wound that I that I put up on her. So we ended up going to counseling, and the counselor helped us work with a lot of issues. But we still never dealt with that sexual intimacy piece of the puzzle. He was always good to have sex with me. But it was duty sex, he was honoring God by she felt like that’s what God would want her to give up herself, you know. And, and I thank her for that. Because, because it was physically it was satisfying, but it still was emotionally. It still wasn’t there. You know, there’s got to be more that took us up to where we are now. Or well, a couple months ago, you know, we had been reading some different books with us looking deeper into the bedroom, you know, what goes on in there? And because the church doesn’t talk about it, Sama Solomon is there. But is that really what it means? You know, and so, anyway, we just kind of started searching. Somehow I happened on your podcast, I was like, wow, this is good stuff. You know, she’s hitting the nail on the head. You know, first, I did a wild romance. Okay, of course. And so I started implementing those things. And things started to change. I was like, wow, then she decided to do the intimate freedom with you. Yes, yes. Yes. So she’s been very, and this is not like her, you know, been very generous with giving me visuals, and flirting, and, and just all that good kind of stuff. And so things have really changed. I was just doing some amazing things. So thankful. And I knew that God had brought me this far. And so I knew that I needed more. And I needed struggle with discipline in my life. And so I needed somebody to keep their finger on me, somebody that wasn’t my wife, you know, now that I’m in it, wow, there’s just so much good content, and it’s and the methods, the way that you have it laid out. It’s just great. And to see where these guys have come from, from the beginning to now. It’s just amazing. And I’m just so thrilled and so glad to be able to be a part of it, and just celebrate with everybody else. It’s just, it blows my mind. There’s just so much good stuff in there. And it’s something that I’ll have and I can keep reverting back to you know, to make sure that I’m keep things on track. My wife, she glows now, because I’m doing you know, I’m doing what God
14:36
commissioned me to do, you know, and she’s like, lighter on her feet. And it’s, it’s amazing. Obviously, God has always helped Burke’s ball, but also you just have to step out in faith and and go ahead and take that chance. But I know for some the money might be an issue. But divorce is a lot more expensive. You know, I would say that every man should take this course, I would say, what are you waiting for, you know, get signed up now. Just say go for it, you know, and trust God and, and give your own heart to it. And you’ll be amazed at what you’ll see God do in your in through you
15:38
so I guess for us my wife and I have been married for about 28 years, we don’t fight. We don’t argue sometimes I do. But she does, we always get to this point where and you know, much to my embarrassment, I would get very frustrated with something that she would do. Typically it was around sex. And then I would shut down, you know, I didn’t want to come outwardly. And just say something nasty, or something like that, is I knew that’s not right. So I’ll do the very passive aggressive thing. And just kind of, you know, not communicate for a few days. So I was on a town and we had, we started an exchange on on text messaging. And I didn’t agree with the direction that it was going. And so it was a Monday. And as we were texting, this had gone on for a few hours, where I was, you know, back and forth and things like that. And finally, and I could felt myself getting kind of ramped up, just almost like I was being challenged with everything. And I felt like she was not hearing me, she was hearing me, she was just trying to express a different opinion. And finally, towards the end of this exchange, I got the text in one day, I hope to forget it. But right now it won’t and and it was just the words, I give up, you win. And I’ll be honest with you, as soon as I read those, it crushed me. Because I realized what I was doing. I just it’s just the Lord worked on me hard, just right there. And he showed me you just damaged your relationship. But Tuesday was when I just told her I you know, I knew of the the MR course. And that’s when I just said I, I need to I’m going to sign up for this course, I wanted to understand that process better. So I can fix it, because that’s what I do, because I’m a guy. But then also was to better understand and how to relate to her. And so and then the last thing was, hopefully to better understand myself, and why I do some of the things I do that hurt our relationship. I knew I could trust your teaching. If I’m going to go to somebody for counsel, I want to know that we’re, you know, we’re serving the same God.
18:26
Right, right.
18:28
So that was one of the reasons that I felt like, Okay, you’re a trusted source that and so and if you’re putting this course together, I’ll you know, I’ll take for granted that that’s you know, is going to be reflective of those, you know, seaching teachings and values. I didn’t feel like I was coming in with this broken on the rocks relationship where my wife doesn’t look at me if I you know, unless I’m yelling or something. Like, you hear some of the stories of some of the men, you know, some of them, they, you know, they hadn’t been intimate with their wives for some years. And I’m like, That’s not, that’s not us. So there was that nervousness at first, like, is this really, like, did I come to the right place? And then once I started listening to some of the other guys, you start figuring out now you know what, everybody’s at their, at their own place. And we could say comparatively that, well, you know, I have a better than him. And, you know, that’s really easy to say. But in some ways, it opened my eyes that no, you know, there’s guys here for many reasons. There are common reasons but what a lot of it comes down to is their relationship with their wives and wanting to build that deeper, richer relationship. And regardless of their starting point you’re already Pull into that for the same goal. And I’m kind of amazed at the hear from where they came from and where they are in just over two months is pretty amazing. And a testimony, it’s a testimony to, to God’s power when we get out of our own way sometimes and let him Let him work with the things I have learned. I’m finding more peace, not only in my home, but just also in my own mind. I’ll be honest, we I question was the, you know, the the price attached to the course I wondered, Is it? Am I really going to get that out of it? Because that seemed like a lot. But then I also thought, you know, what, you wasted more, on less? I think you could probably go through this a few times. And I think you would learn something each and every time I think I would use it because it’s not, though the materials are the same. It’s, I think the power is in the reflection in the power is in the just diving in with God and saying, like, show me what, like, what do you want me to see here? And that’s where I think, you know, yeah, he’s never seems to tire of, you know, teaching us if we’re willing to be taught, follows leading, because this can be life changing, if you let it.
21:39
Yeah, so we’ve been married, five years now, from day one, it was just kind of like, things were off. Specifically, sexually, which I think was important to me. But there were a lot of other issues that that we had to work through. For me, it was like, kind of like, porn and last thing, as well as some childhood things. And so I actually found your podcasts, probably within a few months of being married, because I was like, Something’s just not right. And I kind of listened to your stuff on and off for a while, after four years, and we got pregnant at the beginning of the year, I was like, you know, I don’t want my marriage to keep going like this. It’s got to change because I want to have a godly marriage that that might, my children can grow up to see and, and I was like something, something’s got to change. And I kind of thought for such a long time, I was like, I don’t want to change. She’s not going to change. You know. I’m like, Alright, that came brought me back to your podcast, which brought me back to your site, which brought me to masculine at reclaimed. I mean, communication was a huge thing. I would, I would say, like, we bickered, a lot, the bickering and arguing it wasn’t like major arguments, but it was there had had been major arguments that I think as those built up and kind of this this stasis level of unhealth in the communication, it kind of we both were just defensive all the time, what I’ve heard in your podcast, about your own marriage, and about all the other marriages that had been just miraculous healing, it was just like, okay, it gave me the hope. First and foremost, one of the things that have been major for me, and changing things, which I didn’t really expect, is just growing closer to God, and just leaning on Jesus to be able to love my wife, like, Jesus loves me, has been huge. I started the program, obviously, with a goal of being more intimate and always, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and I’m definitely seeing a growth on the emotional side between us and, and just from all my understanding, it makes sense that that would have to come first. It’s inspiring to be able to see what other guys go through. And change and also awesome do blood. I mean, you get ideas from other guys, too. So it’s like, oh, you’re doing that. Okay. Cool. Or, or even, it’s like, if they have a challenge or a struggle, it’s like, oh, yeah, that applies to me. That applies to me. It’s, it’s, it’s awesome to be able to learn as a group at Yeah, absolutely. Hands down. I recommend that that other guys do this program, even listening to the podcast, it’s like, you pick up things. But when you get the framework as a, as a guy, having that framework of like, this is what you do. Really, really helped in and it at first, it’s, I think, a temptation to feel like you’re just checking a box. But as like, the more you kind of look at it, and it’s like, even for me looking back at like what made our dating, dating life back before it married, so passionate and so easy and so natural. And it’s like, oh, yeah, it’s because I did that, and that and that, and that and that every single day. And so, you just become complacent. I think and You know, our sin nature, you start to bicker, and whatever and having that that framework to have the healthy and necessary relationship with Jesus Christ and make sure and prioritize that first. And then all of the other like, little things that you recommend not little things, but I guess they are but on their own. But as as you stack them all together and realize, you know, these are important to do daily, simply because you love your wife. And not with any ulterior motive, not with any hope of getting something back. The only reason you do these things is because you love your wife before doing this program, I guarantee you I’ve been I would have been like, man, maybe we’ll have sex. And then now it’s like, when I can eliminate that expectation, I was able to enjoy that so much more and just like revel in how much she enjoyed it. In fact, the way I’m approaching this is like, over the three months, I’ve learned what I think I would have loved to learn five years ago, but this is a lifelong work, you know, and I think this is an amazing kickstart, and introduction to that to that process. Like, I feel like I’ve gotten my money’s worth and more because I have the framework now. And it’s and I don’t like to like I’m not thinking of it as like, I need to check these boxes, you know, because it’s really what I’m wanting is a change in heart. Yeah, why didn’t I do this five years ago? I mean, do it, do it
26:48
we had good solid marriage on many fronts. We, however, I grew up in a in a family, which experienced multiple divorces. And so I was more sensitive, sensitive on on this aspects. I thought, Okay, we have to be, I want to be extra careful to make this work. And it’s not just going to work by Landen random luck, you have to put some effort into it to make it work. So last year, when I joined the course, was it two years ago, I think it might have been already two years ago, we were very close. Spiritually, close emotionally. On an physical intimacy was frequent. So I’d say you know, once twice a week so that I’m very, very grateful for that. However, I didn’t feel the the sizzle if I’m if I may say, and that was a thing, I thought to myself, I need to up the game or change something, the change that happened within me was you gave me great tools on how to get back into the charming prince mode, more or less. And, you know, few people like discipline, but most people will like the fruit of, of the result of discipline. So it you know, it just gets you into and got me into a new mindset of being much more intentional about pursuing her and for example, for me was doing she was much more into chores. I felt you know, so what if the garbage is here for another 12 hours, I’ll do it tomorrow morning. And but for her that was something she really didn’t feel respected and loved and cherished through that so that these were one that was one of the changes I did and it made the world of difference for her. There’s some secret sauce you have Bella which makes it work did take those couple of weeks or months till the till she felt okay, this is not just a fad, this is a real change. And when that happened, then it unlocked you know keys in your heart doors in your heart. So that helped us move on and get deeper in our relationship and build a stronger relationship. So so that’s that’s a real success story. After I graduated and she had seen the changes she came back to me and said okay maybe this would be some something I should consider. Let’s try this. I’ve seen that you’ve made several major changes I’ll be happy to give it a shot myself, which I really enjoyed really fun really supportive and a great team of ladies on the on the on the grad groups of she never said told me the names but she always said all these are very encouraging discussions, etc. So
29:47
and so what do you think Where’s is the sizzle there? What do you think
29:51
we’re seeing quite dramatic improvement on that side. So very significant changes. It’s a it’s a step by step process. It just takes time and it takes the effort, that’s something you have to you have to get into, as you said, Bella, I did the homework, I did the, you know, put my thinking cap on, did did the chores and more etc, it, it’s work, it’s no silver bullets, not just you know, signing the dotted line. And that happens, you have to put in also the effort, there’s no secret about this, but you know, it is great help, fantastic support, etc. So I’m really happy how that how that improved everything. And also one thing, which is great is that, you know, during COVID time, you know, most half of the planet has been locked down. And I’ve seen quite a few jokes circulating on on WhatsApp, it’s on Facebook, where they say, Oh, I’d like I’d like to be locked down with anyone apart from my family. And thank goodness, that’s something which is not the case in our home, you know, it’s we’re happy to spend time together, we’re etc. For many people, it was a very challenging year for us to, but I lost my job, etc. But on a personal level, we really have a stronger relationship than we had two years ago, there’s really been a step forward a real step forward in this, although people will think that divorce is an easier solution, just on pure purely financial terms, divorce is a way that beats middle class people into the lower class, you know, if you don’t water a plant, it will die. So invest in your marriage, and you’ll have a fantastic time at home. Not just on the intimacy level, but you know, on, on friendship, on chores, on cooking, etc. People believe in the fairy tale and the lives happily ever after. And in real life, you know, you’ve got everyone’s got his baggage, everyone’s got his issues, you have to work on it. And but it’s so much so worth to work on it rather than just let it slide and slip.
32:08
So from my wife and I were married now 26 years, um, you know, we waited five years after marriage to have kids, we’re kind of planners in that regard. And we’ve always had, in certain regards, a connected marriage. We were never sex less, I guess you would say, but the connection for us had waned over the years and struggled over the years. And you know, this past summer earlier in the summer, it really felt like to me that we were drifting closer to being total roommates, than we were being a total couple. That didn’t mean that we weren’t committed to one another, that that was not true. But our connection for one another was not where I know, I would like it to be or where she would like it to be. And so with that, you know, having had other counseling, and different things, really never hit the mark. Being able to do your course, and the things that followed from it. I think the biggest thing that really grew in me, and then that transferred into my wife was a softer heart, I remember sitting outside, and we were just chatting and visiting about some stuff. And she actually brought up in talking that she just kind of was feeling like her heart had softened towards me and towards us. And that she was she was feeling happy that we were together. And you know, that was really the tipping of the first, you know, real, what I felt to be real evidence that this is, this is working. This is going somewhere. And you know, different things happen in God’s timing. And, you know, that was definitely a piece of this for both of us. And I still know I have work to do and ways to grow. And so having that softer heart for forgiveness for one another, just gives you so much more hope, so much more strength, to persevere, to overcome. And to really go back to the basics of loving one to one another. And when I heard you speak, not only could I hear you talk about what women need, and understand you and relate to what you were saying, because I’ve learned a lot being married for this long. But I really felt like hearing you talk about what men need. It was like you were talking through me. And I know for the longest time I had tried to communicate with my wife. You know why I thought sex intimacy was such an important piece of our marriage. Um, but I it always came out across like I was needy, or I wasn’t, you know, putting God in the proper perspective. Looking for strength and looking for my own worth, and that I was putting too much pressure on her. And that was none of it. It was all about saying I love you. And that in the togetherness of being a married couple and having sex and intimacy, I not only feel like I’m expressing love towards you, but it also helps me feel a great amount of love expressed back. And I could just never explain that. I guess I tried. But I know in her listening to some of your podcasts, I really think that has opened her perspective for sure. For our relationship when I was feeling like we were roommates, I didn’t feel like she was invested in really us growing and improving. And, and definitely, this program has changed all that it was Christian based. That sex wasn’t a bad word, that intimacy wasn’t a bad thing. I really feel I mean, I think the end of the course, we ended up on five weeks of no arguments. We did not argue really being on five weeks with no arguments. That’s, that was big. I mean, five weeks doesn’t sound that long. But I would I’m sure that there’s a lot of fellas and a lot of gals that would, would love to go five weeks without an argument. And when there’s no arguments, there’s no rough seas, there’s no rough waters to navigate, you know, you still got to paddle the boat. But it’s a whole lot easier if you’re not arguing. So yeah, it’s you know, you still want to get to short, it just doesn’t mean you have to practically drowned in the process. But I, I just feel my wife and I’s future. It has a new not even a new beginning, but just kind of a new energy, a new, you know, just togetherness that we haven’t felt for quite some time. And yeah, I just I just love my wife, I can’t say no way. I, I mentally love my wife.
37:04
I think we can all just spend a moment in awe of God’s transformations in these men. And in these marriages, marriages that could have fallen apart. They were hard. So hard living like roommates and now in love. This is God’s miracle. I invite you to have hope and faith that this can happen for you. And if you don’t need it, I ask humbly that you would pray that the man that needs this would take the action would get up and decide, I can make this change. All of these men did this before their wives did anything. All of these men, every testimonial I’ve given you from a man in this one in the last podcast as well. Their wife did not do anything. A lot of their wives did not even know he was doing it. Because it was a clearly natural response for her. When he found out when he learned when he got the support when he got the accountability, the tailored advice. That’s what this is all about a heart change. And man, your wife is really attracted to that. Let me pray for you father, the man that’s listening, I asked that you would stir in him. A desire and even a dissatisfaction with where things are that he could make a change. If he could make the change if he could lead this transformation, would you move in his life and his marriage, Father God, and I pray, give him resourcefulness. To be able to do this program. If this is where you want him God let it not be something he could wiggle his way out of. If this is his story that’s about to be written his testimonial on the next go round. God let him not lose this opportunity to make this change. Father I am asking you for the fish to jump into the boat. I am asking you, Lord, that this podcast that will reach around the world, God that it would give hope and faith to men who have lost it for years and maybe decades got that are suffering. Lord, give them faith that this could change in Jesus name. Amen. Gentlemen, I am so excited to have you on the inside. Go to directly if you know it’s your turn. It’s your turn to get in this thing. delight your marriage.com/m Invite am invite delight your marriage.com/invite it’s going to be available until Monday 11:59pm Eastern Standard Time and then it all closes down. So I invite you to join right now. Join us