0:02

Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wise sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.

0:16

Hi there and welcome. I’m belah rose, if this is your first time listening to the podcast, I want to say I’m grateful you’re here. And today we’re going to be focusing in on romance. Now, I have got an amazing woman, by the name of Debbie Walter, and she was actually on the podcast before, but this is her second time really focusing in on how to make romance, something that happens in your marriage, a lot of us, you know, kind of get out of the practice of romance once we get married. And a lot of us kind of feel like our husband’s job is supposed to, I mean, he’s supposed to romance us, right? Well, I Debbie has some really good ideas, really good insights that I think will help each of us get out of the rut of the status quo. And remember why we fell in love with our husband in the first place. So let’s dive into this conversation and find out how to revive the romance.

1:22

So thank you so much for joining me, I’m excited to have Debbie Walter on today to talk about reviving the romance at first I was going to have the title as how to keep the romance alive. But for a lot of us out there. And you might be one included, it’s really sometimes about just starting over starting that fire fresh. After however long you’ve been married, it might be time to revive it. So Debbie, thank you so much. I’m so glad you’re

1:49

here. Thank you for having me, Belle, I’m really excited about this today.

1:53

I am too. And if you are a listener that hasn’t yet listened to Debbie’s first interview with me that was actually episode 56 and 55, I believe. And that’s where Debbie really talks about her story of the most challenging are it notes, 56 and 57. So you can go back and listen to that. But that’s really talking about the hardest times in her marriage and what she’s learned through it. And I really love those episodes, because, as I you know, was interviewing you, Debbie, I just remember being so impacted by your heart for Jesus and the Lord and just, you know, the difficulties that you all have faced and how you really, you know, put your heart before God in that and and I think, you know, you just have such a beautiful spirit. And so I’m excited to talk about reviving the romance when some of us might think, well, that’s not a very spiritual thing. But how does that, you know, yeah, how does that work in marriage? So I think the first thing I want to ask you, along those lines is if there’s a scripture or a verse that has meant a lot to you, that we can kind of launch off from

3:06

well, actually, there is Song of Solomon, chapter two. I love the headings on Song of Solomon, because it helps you keep in, in track to who’s saying, What is this him speaking? Or is this her speaking. And the part that really gets to me starts in verse eight. And it goes all the way through the end of the chapter. But verse eight, it begins the the heading for that chapter is, the bride adores her beloved. And just realize so often, we we think it’s the husband’s responsibility to grow man says, Well, that’s true before you get married, they’re there to be the ones to pursue you. But once you’re married, you know, all of that is over. And it’s both of you, you both pursue it. So this the Song of Solomon, the way goes back and forth between the bride and the, and the husband, they just go back and forth. And they’re both full throttle pursuing each other with passion. And I just, I’m not going to read the whole thing, you can go and read it, but it starts in verse eight. And then at the very end, it says, starting verse 16, My beloved is mine, and I am his, he grazes among the lilies, until the day breeds and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved be like a gazelle or a young stag, on the cleft mountains. And I just, I love that picture of, of me being the one to call to him. So, so often, I have more time than my husband does to think about it. He’s so caught up with work and, and, you know, all that’s entailed with that, and I know many women work as well. So it can be a touchy subject. I don’t mean it that way. But for us, I have more time. So it fell on me because I wanted to I wanted to keep romance alive. So I was the one that said, Can I do this? And he said, Sure, go for it. So that’s That’s kind of how it started with us. But I’m on a rabbit trail. So let me know. It’s wonderful. See what your if you want to say anything about the Scripture, I’m sorry.

5:09

No, no, it’s perfect. Well, and see, that’s kind of I’m glad we’re going in that direction, because that’s exactly where I want to go is really thinking about. I think the first question that comes up about romance is regardless of kind of where you are in your marriage, whether you’ve been married 20 years, 50 years or two years, I or two months, really, I mean, romance is something that easily can kind of fall away. And I guess my first question is just Why do you think that happens?

5:37

I think, because life takes over, and we get busy. And so the urgent it urgent takes over what’s important, if you’re not intentional, and most couples don’t sit down and talk about, okay, what’s romance gonna look like for us after we get married, because you make the assumption that, you know, we’ve been romantic, you know, all this time before we got married, it’s just going to continue after, and it may for a season. But then when you start having children, you start having your career starts taking off, and the pressures grow with that. If you have not made a commitment to each other to continue pursuing each other romantically, it’s not going to happen. And it can be, it can be months, it can be years before you even realize it. And that’s one of the reasons we started doing our blog, because so many couples forgot what it was like to romance each other. And then it feels it almost feels awkward to try. Because it feels like you’re you’re playing something or I don’t know, I’ve seen I’ve I did a whole post about about why romance is not hokey. It’s not it’s not a hokey thing. I think of romance as a safety net. That’s, that’s the thing that when the hard times really do come if you’ve if you have cultivated romance in your in your marriage, then you’re going to be better equipped to handle the storms when they come.

7:00

Hmm, that was so good. Okay, well, I want to first dive into the awkward to try. I think that’s so true. It’s so easy to get on our patterns in marriage. And it’s hard to kind of break out of that. So I guess, let’s say there’s a pattern that’s just been established where romance isn’t really part of it. How does a wife just make some movements towards romance? Well,

7:25

first of all, you have to know your spouse, you have to know them well, and what works for one person may not work for you. So you can’t just cookie cutter romance. Because what my husband thinks romantic, your husband may think that’s ridiculous. And you don’t want to plan something that you obviously know is going to be you know, like, if your husband is huge into sports, you don’t want to plan something on the night of the Super Bowl. You’re you’re gonna you know, you just know, you know, your husband. So first of all, you’ve got to establish that and then once you have a good idea of what they would enjoy. We always say, dinner in a movie is out. Because that doesn’t that doesn’t count for romance. I don’t even call it that. I don’t even call that a date night.

8:07

And why not? Why not? That’s a very normal date night for others, right?

8:11

Because there’s no talking. You don’t you don’t connect now the dinner time. Yes. But you know, then you go to the movie and you just sit there, you can do that at home watching TV. So we I mean, we’ll still go to dinner and a movie, but we don’t call that our date night. So I especially if you’re having to get babysitters for a date night, I would strongly encourage that maybe forego the movie and take the time to connect in a in a more meaningful way than that. And of course, there are some people that are huge movie buff. So you know, what doesn’t work for us may work for you. But that’s just our conviction. So I would say start slow. Maybe even let your spouse know what you’re planning. Let them know that you’re planning something so that you’re not catching them unaware. And say I really one thing that really helped us is my husband told us from the day we were married that he because his parents got divorced on his 18th birthday. And so he was had a conviction when we got married that that would not happen to us. Because they were they’d been married 20 years, and they got a divorce after the kids were grown. And it just it broke his heart even though he’s 18 years old. And most people think, well, they’re adults. Now they can handle it. And yeah, you know, he adjusted. It wasn’t like him being six years old, but it still hurt. And so he had a conviction that that’s not going to happen to me by the grace of God. It’s not going to happen. So he always had a conviction that we would continue to pursue each other even after we had children. Because we were primary and the children were secondary, even though the children were very important to us. We knew that we were first in each other’s heart. So that helps because I knew that he he would. He would meet me halfway. You know, when I was playing something. But that doesn’t mean that there weren’t times when I planned it planned things that he thought were corny, but those those date nights ended up being one of our favorites because we ended up cracking up laughing. Because it was so stupid that we just laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. What was it what happened? We found an idea on a blog somewhere that said 50 different ways to kiss. And, and so you have to. So I forget a cinema, a Hershey Kiss to work and told him tonight’s gonna be a kissing date. So that piqued his interest. He liked that idea. But then when he got home, and he found out it was 50 different ways to kiss. And you had he had cards that he had to pull out and read each one. It’s like, last time we got to the 12th. One, we were just we were dying. That was really funny. Yeah. So you remember whose blog had that idea? But she could probably if you want to find it, you could do it. And you need a good laugh. Right, exactly.

10:55

Maybe I’ll try to pull that up and put it on the show notes. That’s really funny. But I like that you’re saying, you know, the corny, why why not do the corny, you know, like, just go for it, it’s gonna be a fun time, no matter what I mean, is that,

11:09

just because you’re having fun, you think about when you’re dating, you’re willing to do anything just because you’re together. So it doesn’t matter what the venue is that you’re doing or whatever. So taking the time to do something out of the ordinary, is the best way to get yourself out of a rut. So I would suggest, I mean, we’ve done put date nights, where every hole has a challenge, and a different challenge. And so you have this game that you’re playing in the game. So it makes it for a romantic puppet. And so that might be a good place to start, you know, to where it’s not too much themed. I mean, we’ve gone all the way to that. We love Downton Abbey, we’re huge Downton Abbey fans. So when it was coming to an end, we did a Downton Abbey date night at home, and I was are you familiar with Downton Abbey?

12:00

A little bit, I was enough to probably go along with what you’re saying, say the names.

12:04

I was the cook and Tom Butler and we were getting ready. I was cooking and he was preparing. He was setting the table formal with China and everything. And then we all we stopped and then we changed. I got dressed and in a really nice dress. He got dressed in a suit, and we became Lord Grantham and Lady grant. And then we sat down and had our dinner. And then we watched Downton Abbey when that was over. So I love some people could look at that and think it’s corny, but we had a blast doing it. It was fun just pretending together. Yeah. So

12:37

yes, you know what the pretending thing I think is really, really fun. And I’ll share a because this is I would love to kind of share stories of things that you’ve tried and because I think that piques all of our interests, and even if we’re not Downton Abbey fans, we can we can always make it into our own thing that is special for our own exact marriage. Exactly. So I think it was a year ago, I did share this on a podcast once but I’ll go into it a little bit more. But I think it was yeah, it was about a year ago was on Mother’s Day. We had babysitters for our kids. And I went got myself already. And I went downtown because we live in New York and and there was a jazz place that I wanted to go to. So I went and I ordered a glass and I just kind of enjoyed myself. I love reading and that kind of thing. So I just was, you know, reflecting maybe talking to Jesus a little bit and it was just so nice. And then I moved to the bar. And there was this handsome man that happened to be sitting there. Pretty soon we get to talking and go to dinner. And so the whole point is that my husband I pretended to be strangers and sweet.

13:42

We’ve done that, too.

13:45

It’s so fun, isn’t it? We had

13:47

a blast. But he didn’t know was coming. I sent him I just sent him a text when he was getting off work telling him where to go. And he didn’t know why he was going there. And so it was a hotel that’s not far from our house. They have a really nice lounge bar area. So when he got there, I was all dressed up and sitting there waiting for him. So

14:05

Oh, love that. And then what did you do? How did you make sure he knew that? You guys were pretending to not know each other?

14:11

Well, I just I hit on him as soon as he got there. Oh, so I didn’t give him a whole lot of time. I was ready for him by the time he got there. But and then it was just it was only like an hour date and then we went home. I mean, it was just that appetizer, you know? So you can it doesn’t have to be an all nighter. You can just make four an hour of romance if that’s all you have. That’s a great idea, Bella. I love it. What else? What else have

14:38

you done? I mean, I really I’m taking notes here because I need I need ideas. Well,

14:42

one of my favorites. This is probably the biggest thing I ever did. We were probably we had three kids at the time and they were little and I Tom was having a really hard time at work and I knew he’d had a bad week. And so I arranged for a babysitter on Friday night and I he worked, he worked for a place that his service manager for a company that provides parts and service for commercial cooking equipment. So he’s since he was in the service industry, we ended up buying the company. But at this point, he was still service manager. And it was very stressful. And so I went to the local Embassy Suites and rented a room. I’ve been saving up money from the grocery money for a few months. So he had no idea that I had the money to do it. And so I talked to his boss, and I talked to his boss and told him what I wanted to do. And so they were all in on it. They loved it. So I said, but I need you to get him to the Embassy Suites, somehow, he needs to get there without knowing. So they, they went to him at four o’clock and said, we have this part that needs to be delivered to the Embassy Suites. Could you take it on your way home, and then you can take off a little bit early? And he was? So he said, Sure. I’d love to. So he took it up there while he gets there. And you know, the front desk was all in on it. So they were all excited to so I gave them the room key with a note from they Tom knew when he got there to the front desk to ask for Gladys, that she was going to have a check for them for for him for the part. So he got to the front desk and asked for Gladys and they said oh, she had to leave, she left this note. And so he opened it and a room key fell out. Well, he freaked out. At first he’s thinking okay, who is Gladys? But then he read the note and it was for me, and I told him to meet me on the fifth floor or whatever. And then I said love Gladys, aka Debbie. So then he came up, and then we had a night, but I got him good. He had no idea. And so that was probably 30 years ago, we did that. And we still talk about that one. It was so fun. Love

16:45

that. Oh, that’s so good. And that’s actually a great point that you bring up is these experiences that you have fuel so much of the rest of your life, you can talk about them, they give you excitement. I mean, I’m sure you had butterflies waiting for him to come up to the elevator. You know, I was

17:01

so excited. And then he came and knocked on the door. It was great. It was it was one of our favorites. I call it that was our kidnap date night because I kidnapped him. He hadn’t got no idea. Yeah. And then the cool thing is, is that we the people that were watching the front desk, people, everybody I mean, you’re making a statement for marriage that is, is compelling. So that’s another an added benefit of loving your spouse this way. It’s not only for us, but it’s for the people who are watching that you may not even have any idea that you’re having an impact on. So another favorite one, this is one Tom did for me. i My favorite movie in the whole world is you’ve got mail. And I was I watch it every November. And it’s it’s a tradition for me and my husband, you know, he watched it with me once maybe, and he would watch it in the afternoon when the kids were busy doing something and he was still at work and I’d watch it and I’d cry and just enjoy myself and in New York in the fall. So you live in New York. I love that. I’ve never been to New York in the fall at the sea.

18:06

Yeah, that would be one. So next one.

18:09

So anyway, my husband decided he he texted me one day and said tonight’s a You’ve Got Mail date night. And I went, what I mean, I was just like, really, I was so excited. So he told me I couldn’t I had to leave. And I couldn’t come home until such and such a time. So he had gone to a local deli that would been similar to the deli that that they went to in New York. And he he Well, first of all, he went on the internet and found the menu of the actual restaurant that’s in the movie. And he printed it off. And then he went to the local deli here and picked to two dishes that he thought that I would order on the menu. And so he figured he was safe one or the other. He knew I’d pick one of those. So so then I come home and he has a table set up in our bedroom card table with a tablecloth and a red rose waiting for me. You have to know the movie to know all the details. The red rose. Yes. Important in the movie. Yeah, yeah. So he had all the little details. And so then first we sit down and he has me do a trivia contest that he had done up trivia questions about the movie. Well, I got them. All right. And so that kind of got special. That’s very cute, special. So then he gave me the menu. And I did pick one of the two things that he had. He had gotten so then we had dinner in the bedroom and then we came out. We watched the movie. He said I’m going to watch the movie with you tonight. So so it was very special. He went way out of his way on that one just because he knows I love that movie. So and so it kind of it sparked us. I did a whole series of posts on planning a date night around your spouse’s favorite movie.

19:52

Oh, that’s very nice. Well, yeah. And and just as a little reminder, I didn’t share your website name in the in the beginning I meant to It’s the romantic vineyard.com. So that’s where you blog and all these ideas are pooled there. So you can go right there. But so now for the wife that’s listening, and you know, is imagining this amazing date that your husband created for the two of you. And she’s just kind of grumbling in her own heart, like, Well, my husband would never do that, you know, what would you say to her,

20:25

I would say, to not judge too soon. Because if this is something you haven’t practiced before, that I probably have done 75% of the planning have really special dates like that, you know, my husband’s really, really good. He took it on himself to make sure we had babysitter every week. So we could go out on a date. And a lot of times those were just dinner and talking, you know, but the the really creative ones, I’ve been I on the creative side of our relationship, my husband just doesn’t think that way. So he loves it, he loves it when I do it, but he just doesn’t think that way. And if I’m putting an expectation on him, for him to be like me, I’m going to be disappointed. And so you just have to realize who your husband is, and not expect him to be like you. Because then you’ll miss the good things that he is, because that’s what happens when we start critically judging our husband, then I heard Dave Ramsey just said this, this past or one of the speakers at the smart conference that I went to on Saturday, I guess it’s okay to plug that here. You hold up a credit card, you know, arm’s length from you, and you see it, but you can still see everything else in the room, you know, the credit cards there, it’s obvious, but everything else is still visible. If you take that credit card, and you put it on your nose, right in front of your eyes, you can’t see anything else. And that’s what being critical to our spouse does, it blocks out everything else, all you see is what you’re not happy with. And so the place you start with that is you just have to repent, you and I just did that to my husband on Monday night, we got into, you know, we got on that cycle where and I think women we have a tendency to judge our husbands and we they disappoint us or they don’t do this, or they don’t do that. And, and we start thinking of all the things they’re not doing, and we miss all the things they are. And one time the Lord just challenged. And I think I said this in the last interview, the Lord challenged me and said, Who made you the standard? I’m not the standard of, you know, I don’t know what it’s like to be a man or to be a husband. So who am I to judge what he’s doing. And usually what we get in our mind is we’re comparing our husband with somebody else’s husband. And that’s never a good thing to do, because your husband’s not them. And they never will be. And if you knew that husband, you probably wouldn’t want them. It sounds really careful what

22:51

you ask for. That’s right. You know, and I love that you’re, I love that picture of you know, while you’re saying the credit card up to your nose, I just took my hand and put it on the edge of my nose. Maybe every listener can do that. I mean, look, you can see nothing, nothing. It’s just, it blinds you from all that God wants you to enjoy and your spouse if you got that critical eye and the thing is our society with Facebook and every other social media, I think that it’s almost like this competition of who can be the most critical. A lot of times I see that. And it’s very sad, because that’s not at all what God calls us to do and be about we’re supposed to be about the good things that God has given us. And if we ask the question, I love the quote that was on our podcast a while back, but the quality of your questions determine the quality of your life. So if you’re asking the question, what is amazing about my husband, then you’re going to get a wonderful amount of life giving encouraging answers, but if you ask the question, how is he not measuring up right? Or why can’t he do xy and z? Then the your answers are going to be filled with a lot of bad stuff.

24:00

That’s excellent. I’m writing this quote down. I love that who said that?

24:03

You know, it was actually quoted by someone else who was on the podcast, but he quoted someone else, but he didn’t know who it was. So I bet if we googled it, maybe I’ll try to figure out

24:12

okay, that’s really really good. Yeah,

24:15

yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that’s actually like, I was just telling someone this morning who’s having some trouble and in love life land. She’s single but she’s she’s looking for marriage eventually in any way. So that was the that was a big part of what we were talking about is what are you asking yourself? What is the question you’re posing? And God, you know, what, what is your prayer life look like? How are you praying for your husband? Exactly. How are you being grateful to God for what he is? I mean, what would you say to

24:46

that? I would add, I would suggest that you pray and ask God to help you see your husband the way he does. That’s good, because, you know, the Lord would say to you, I believe that he is my son. You will love him and you will treat him with respect. Because Jesus died for him in the same way that He died for you. But if you put the gospel at the center of that, then it brings everything down to because no matter what you’re critical about, it’s covered on the cover to the cross. So who are we to put him back up there and crucify him for something because we’re not happy with it, when what Jesus did was enough. So that, you know, only God can change a heart, and, but even repentance spoken sincerely, but only half felt. If that makes sense. You know, you really want to repent, but you don’t feel like repenting, still repent, do it. Because the enemy wants you to think that. You know, you have to, you have to jump all these hoops in order to repent sincerely. And yeah, and because if he can’t get you to not repent, he’s going to do it every I mean, if he can’t get get you to sin, out and out, he’s going to do whatever he can, just to mess up your relationship to make it not glorify God. So if you realize we do have an enemy, that’s against us, at the same time that we have our own sinful tendencies that cooperate with the enemy, it taught from time to time, you know, identifying your who your enemy is, it’s not your spouse, you know, we’re our own worst enemy, when you really think about it, because a lot of the issues we have with our spouse is because of the way we’re viewing them. So I yeah,

26:37

that is really good. A lot of the issues we have with their spouses because of the way we view our spouse. That’s brilliant. Yeah, that’s so true. So so when I mean, I love the stories you’ve shared so far, about romance, because it’s very clear that you take the bull by the horns, and you’re gonna plan it, and you’re gonna figure it out, because you know that romance is vital in your marriage. So, you know, how do you kind of start that process? Is there habits involved or schedules involved? Or how do you kind of do that?

27:07

Well, when it really, really hit the fan, so to speak, for me, was our 25th. Now we’ve done a lot of dates, you know, throughout our 25, first 25 years, but as far as the creative side of it, not as many I mean, those were fewer and farther, far between. But on our 25th anniversary, I didn’t have a lot of money. But you know, it was a big anniversary for us. So I wanted to do something really special. And I was racking my brain trying to think of something then I got this idea. I know, I’ll give him 25 dates over the next year. And then I’ll have a year. That’ll be that’ll be easy. I can do that. And so I gave him this card. And I actually went to the store and I picked out a teddy bear with it had like a red heart pouch that he was he was holding it was a zippered pouch. And so I bought him and I called him Tommy bear, because my husband seems Tom. And so I gave him Tommy Barron in the heart was a note that explained the 25 dates over the year. And so I was all excited. So whenever Tommy beer shows up, you’ll know that’s a day of one of your romantic dates. And oh, so you would never know when it was coming. And just Tommy beer would show up? Well, I thought it was a great idea. And it was gonna be easy. But when I after I gave it to them, it dawned on me 25 dates in a year is every other week.

28:23

Wow, that’s so true.

28:25

What do you sound like much until you think oh, my goodness, there’s only 52 weeks in the year. That’s every other week? Well, it’s I thinking. And you can’t really repeat yourself if you’re giving him you know, you’re making a big deal. 25 romantic dates. So yeah. So I got busy Scout This was before we had the blog. We didn’t have the blog was born as a result of this. So we started I started scouring the internet, what’s going on in Orlando that’s free. What were the cars, concerts in the park were a new thing. And so were movies, you know, movies on the lawn, how everybody’s doing that now, but back then we that was 12 years ago. So back then it was fairly new concept. So you had to search and find so I checked out the gardens. I checked out when free nights were when they had open houses at museums. I mean, I was busy that whole year, finding out what we could do. And so Tommy berry ended up getting shipped ups to the office and Tom opened in there. I mean, I did all kinds of fun ways for Tommy to show up. And so after that, I had people coming to me all the time saying, you know, I know you know, everything is going on in Orlando. What? What can I do? I’m planning this for my husband. And so then I because of that I decided to start a blog. I asked my husband, I was doing a blog with our church, our women’s group. And so that’s how I learned to blog and so I asked him what he thought of starting a blog for romance to where I could put all of this stuff there for our friends. Matt’s I started it. And we were also doing marriage counseling. So Tom wanted to also make it a resource for, for notes and things that we find on the internet for couples that we were counseling. So that’s how it started. That was in 2008. And so that’s kind of how I, I dove headfirst into it. And it gave me lots of ideas I came up with, with date ideas for using board games in the home. Lots, lots of at home date night ideas, you can do a whole I’ve got a whole series on the blog of alphabet, date nights, to where you, that’s 26, you know, you just start the year if you want and take as long as you need. If you didn’t want a month, that would be two years of dates. Oh, that’s so great. So you just go through and you do one letter, a date. And everything in that date revolves around that letter. And it can be anything you want. But I do stuff I give ideas to kind of get you.

31:02

Well, I’m so grateful that you shared that this, this. Just fantastic resources, because I definitely encourage the romantic vineyard calm to go there and get ideas. So I guess, you know, as we’ll have to wrap up soon, I’m so sad that our conversations going to an end. But just in terms of if you could talk to the wife who’s having trouble in the beginning stages, what are some, you know, maybe practical piece of advice that she can just slowly start to implement. To get started,

31:36

I would start doing just romantic acts, you know, just just doing kind things for your spouse throughout the day, if you haven’t really been romancing each other, send him a note at work and just tell him the things that you appreciate about him. Maybe get up in the morning and bring his coffee, you know, you may already do things like that. But if someone has not been practicing romances, it’s probably likely they haven’t been doing those special things, either. Especially if they’re crossing their arms and waiting for them to go first. Somebody has to go first. So why not let it be you because it’s going to be for the benefit of your relationship. And your husband will respond, he will. Now I’ve heard of some women that they do and their husbands reject them. And you know, I think their issues are a lot more than just not having romance in the home. So romance is not going to be the answer to every marital problem Someone may have. So if you have deeper issues, you know, I would recommend that you get counsel, you get help, you know, do what you can go after that it’s not going to go away, it’s just going to get worse, even if the symptoms go away. It’s just buried, it’s going to come back and bite you. So get the help. And now while it’s not too late, and but the romance part for someone who’s who’s just busy with life, then I would start with small steps. And then maybe plan a surprise and let your spouse know you know, Mark this date on your calendar, I have something I have a surprise planned. And, and then just plan a neat, a fun date that your spouse would enjoy. And there’s there’s so many ideas on the blog, just go on there. And I have a search box about halfway down on the right column. And just type in romance and it’ll pull up all kinds of or romancing your spouse. Then we also have at the top, I have a section called only wives, and only husbands will under the only wives tab. If you click on that. It has all the holidays of the year romantic ideas that you can do for your husband on those holidays.

33:44

Oh, that’s so great. So I love

33:47

you. And if you’re ever coming to Orlando, I have a romantic Orlando guide things to do some of our favorites. So

33:53

Oh, fun, fun, fun, fun. Well, I think my final question for you is something we touched on in the beginning. But just to kind of full circle. When you said the romance part of your marriage is serves as a safety net in the hard times. What did you mean by that? Well,

34:10

I have a blog post that I pulled up in case you asked that question. Oh, so I actually first posted this on the engaged marriage blog I was I was guest blogging for him for a season and but I replugged it on on mine as well. But let me see if I can pull some it’s talking about it was using the analogy of the high wire in relating at the high wire of conflict. Because when you’re in the midst of a conflict, it’s a balancing act. And you know you’re trying your best to stay balanced and not say something that you’re going to regret this gonna knock either you or your husband off the wire. You know you’re trying to walk this road but it feels wobbly. And you don’t have your barings well if, if you’ve been romancing your spouse prior to that conflict, even if you fall, that romance acts like a safety net to catch you. Because deep down your spouse knows, she really loves me. Look, you know, all you have all those memories of things that she’s done. So it helps, I think it helps you both think the best of each other. Because you’re not only just seeing the pressures of life, but you’re seeing the good times you’re embracing the fun times, too. So that’s what I’m, that’s the picture that’s behind that idea.

35:38

I like that a lot. I like that a lot. That it’s almost like you’re, you’re investing in, right? What you’ll need later, right? It’s like a retirement investment. Right? You know, the hard times are gonna come? Yes. So right now where you’re able bodied or whatever, where even if you have, you know, five minutes, we all can spare just a handful of minutes here and there to do. Invest in the most important relationship in our life, you know, human relationship. Exactly.

36:09

There’s it says here in this post to says romance gives you a tangible reminder of why the relationship is worth fighting for. It helps you remember the good times when the bad times are screaming at you.

36:22

Isn’t that true? Isn’t that so true? Yep.

36:26

So that’s the safety net of romance, that there’s actually a blog post with that title. So if you go and search, you’ll find it.

36:34

That’s really great. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much. I know this is a quick conversation. But I think that we got a lot of resources and ideas and stories and things to get us started. And I think that’s the most important step is to start and there is something there

36:49

is one more, I did mention the board games, if someone’s just starting. I think that my my romantic scrabble game would be a really good way to start. Because I’m not going to tell you about it. You just got to go and look. It’s called romantic Scrabble. And it uses a Scrabble board, but it uses completely different rules. And it’s not kinky, you know, which, if you haven’t been real romantic, you don’t even necessarily want to go there. Because that evens out even more out there. It’s it’s very fun. And it makes for a memorable night, so

37:25

Oh, fine. Okay, we’ll also have that linked up. I’ll find that and have that on the show notes. So for people to just easily click on. OK, cool. Well, again, thank you so much for everything and where can they find you online to get a hold of you? Or to follow you?

37:40

The romantic vineyard.com?

37:42

Perfect. Okay. All right. Well, thanks again.

37:45

Thank you, Bella, it was a, it was a fun conversation. I gotta go plan something. That’s right.

37:53

Well, I hope that that was a inspiring, shot in the arm, for most of us to just be like, yeah, let’s get some romance back in our marriage. Remember the times that were really amazing. And that’s what romance does. It really does. I mean, I think about that date that I went on last year. And that has fueled a lot of my relationship excitement. And just think about if that was something that you all did monthly or weekly, it sounds like, and I didn’t ask her specifically, but it sounds like Debbie really prioritizes this every week and a lot. If you’ve noticed a lot of the interviews really talk about weekly date nights. So I’m sure there’s a lot more that Debbie has on her blog, I think, you know, think about free dates and all these things. I mean, it’s just a little creativity. And if you don’t have that, you’ve got a blog that gives it all to you. So go to the let your marriage.com Click on the show notes, and I’m going to have the links directly to a lot of the ideas that we had, you know, batted around today. So, thank you for listening. I’ll talk to you next Tuesday. God bless you praying for you and plan a date night.

39:08

Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.