0:02

Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.

0:18

Welcome, and thank you if this is your first time with the podcast, I want to say, I think that the conversation today, between me and another wife, her name is Kimberly Ray, she has got phenomenal insights in thinking about our lives in light of eternity. I think today in the US, or pretty much around the world, wherever you’re listening from, we have more pressure on us in this generation than any other generation, we’re more connected. You know, before sunup to sundown, kind of limited what we could do. Now you can talk to everyone in that you’ve ever encountered in life, you can get connected to them immediately. The only limits on your life are the limits you put yourself. And now for me, I’ve been thinking about this topic for at least over a year, or maybe two years since I read a specific book that I’m going to tell you about. But you know, I’ve been thinking about limiting my life and saying I can’t two things that were just too much, it would just became too much. But then I had a really serious health crisis. And it started to erode. I just wasn’t able to do what I used to be able to do. And so that’s who I have on the podcast, Kimberly Ray, it’s her second time on, it is such a good message I think I need to listen to over and over again. Because ultimately, you know, God asks us to abide in him. He doesn’t ask us to do a million things all the time. So let’s listen in and be inspired for the journey ahead. Also, just to let you know, the audio quality isn’t that great. So just be aware that we had some technical difficulties, and it wasn’t the best audio that you’ve heard on the show. So sorry about that.

2:20

All right, well, welcome back delight your marriage listener. This is belah rose, and I am joined once again by lovely Kimberly Ray. And this is her second time on the podcast. Welcome, Kimberly.

2:32

Thanks. It’s great being back.

2:35

Yes, I’m really glad to have you. You know, Kimberly, the first time that we talked that was back episode 93 and 94. And I have found myself thinking about some of the things that you talked about, just over and over and over again. And, you know, today, we are talking about priorities and how to kind of get our life more aligned with what God wants our life to be about. But I really wanted to talk to you about it, Kimberly, is because you talked about on Episode 94, about the illness that you live with. And I guess that would be helpful to kind of talk through a little bit. So the listener knows kind of a little bit about you if they haven’t gotten a chance to go back, which I really suggest that they do. But if they haven’t, you know, can you kind of tell a little bit about your story so that they can kind of come up to speed with where we’re starting this conversation? Yeah, sure.

3:36

Um, I have what’s called Addison’s disease. It’s a very rare condition, it means your adrenal glands don’t work, right. And kind of because of that, probably, I’ve also got asthma and type of icy Mia and scoliosis, and it’s just on my brain. And I just got diagnosed this year with this weird or Los Danlos Syndrome, which I’d never heard of in my life. So it’s kind of like my part time job dealing with living with a condition living with a disease, having health problems. And it’s been a good experience for me, as I know, that sounds really, really weird. But when you think in terms of eternity, it’s been a good thing. There’s a verse in Psalms that says, It’s good that I’ve been afflicted that I might learn your statutes. And I used to be in missions, our family was overseas, we plan on spending our lives over there. And when God shut me down, I really didn’t know what that meant. I kind of felt like, you know, why are you putting me on the shelf I was, you know, I wanted to do all these great things for for you except, better, etc. And he taught me through all of this that I had been trying to find my identity in doing something significant. And he wanted me to find my identity in him alone. And apparently I didn’t learn it the easy way. So he had to shut me down completely and sit me down, put me in ICU for a few weeks, you know, have these life threatening issues so that I would learn Find my identity just in him. Justin him just in him. And I love that you’re bringing up this topic today. Because it’s interesting in the places we lived overseas, you kind of learn about the culture, you learn about the people and you get to know people, and then you come home. And America is a strange place. It’s kind of like I forgotten how to act or be. And one thing I noticed when I came back, was that American women are the most stressed out people I’ve ever met. And that’s, I find that convicting because it’s the same in the Christian circles and the non Christian circles in. Overseas, they have this well, in Bangladesh, one of the places I live, they have this saying where to be spiritual, the most spiritual thing is just to be, wow, to be able to stop everything. And just be and it’s funny, because in America, we think the most spiritual thing is to do everything, and do it really, really well. And, you know, not get stressed out and not need to sleep and not needed not need to rest and not need to be just to doo doo doo doo doo. And I think that’s really interesting. Because if we go back to the Bible, I don’t read that anywhere in the Bible. But I read a lot in the Bible about resting in the Lord and, you know, waiting patiently for Him, and I’m not gonna waiting patiently. So he keeps testing me and growing me and, you know, I live my life with pills and schedules, and, you know, try this and try that and go to the doctor. Here. And, and, you know, it keeps me humble, and it keeps me meeting him. And it keeps me questioning what this life is all about. And, you know, life and death and eternity. And that’s, that’s not a bad thing. It’s really unpleasant sometimes. But in a spiritual sense, it’s not a bad thing.

6:37

Yes, well, I mean, I love your you know, you’re definitely you’re in this journey, and you’ve gone a long way already. And it’s clear, because you can see the ways that God is glorifying himself through it. And I feel like, you know, I’m in the middle, but also at the beginning of a health journey myself, and it landed me in the hospital for about 11 days this summer. And just, it’s just, it’s a very difficult thing to go through. But it’s interesting, like you said, it really strips away a lot of the, a lot of this crutches that I have to live this life that I say, you know, well, I’m a mother, and I’m a wife, and I have, you know, I work this job, and I do this thing, and that’s what makes me who I am. And it’s like, you know, what, no, I ultimately am a child of God, ultimately, I’m in his care. And that’s, that’s what I have in this life. And I love also when you said, when you think in terms of eternity? So I guess, can we talk about that a little bit? How do we live and think in terms of eternity? How, how does that happen? How do you do that?

8:01

You know, it’s interesting, because I really thought about it was when I was in ICU, and I was gonna have major surgery the next day, and my husband was overseas. And it was, it was funny, because the surgeon came in, he was hilarious. And he was like, Okay, we’ve got to scrape your lungs and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do you give permission to have this surgery? And I said, Well, what happens if I don’t? And he said, you die, like, Oh, give me a minute, think about it, you know, but I was, you know, you’re laying there, and you’re thinking about life and death, you know, and all of a sudden, all the excess stuff just goes away, you know, you know, when you thinking you might die tomorrow, it’s not like, you’re thinking about, Oh, I need to be the best cook in the world, or, you know, I need to lose 10 pounds, or I need to, you know, do work in the grocery more, I need to do more stuff at church, or I need to whatever, whatever, whatever you think of you and God, and then you think of you and the people you love. And that’s about it. You know, am I living thing for God? And am I loving the people he gave me to love. And it’s interesting, because I remember thinking, another time when I was in the hospital, and they sent me to get an MRI on my brain said fluid on the brain. And these doctors came in, and they were trying to decide which of two options to do because either one might help me or they might kill me. So they’re trying to pick my and I’m laying there thinking, you know, this might be my last day. And I remember thinking if it’s my last day, I don’t want to spend my last day worrying about if it’s my last day, what would I want to do? And I realized I would want to spend it loving God and loving my husband and loving my children. And God struck me with that. And he basically said, I mean, he didn’t say it out loud. But he said, If that’s how you spend your last day, why isn’t that how you’re spending all your days, and I was so convicted because I personally am kind of a workaholic. And you know, I love writing and I love spending time on the computer, you know, creating things. And sometimes I can do that to the neglect of my children during I don’t enjoy playing in memory, you know With a little kid, you know, it’s like it’s so boring and tedious. Okay, I gotta go do something else or something, you know, there’s always that something that needs to be done.

10:08

No, I just, I just love that. And you know, you’ve already made me cry. I just can’t. That’s exactly I mean, that’s exactly it, isn’t it? I mean, that’s exactly it, when we’re on our last day, what matters what is going to matter in this life.

10:26

And it’s interesting, because I remember laying there thinking, because that was right at the beginning. And I wanted so much to be somebody important. That was, that’s been my goal. Since I was a little kid, I was going to do something really amazing, you know. And, God, it basically, the I promised God, I laid there. And I thought, you know, I may never be healthy again, I may live with this verse. To my life, I may be stuck with this. And I pretty much promised God while I was laying there with this thing, taking pictures of my brain, if you let me live, if all I can do is love my husband and raise my children, I still want to stay. And for me, that was a really big deal, because I didn’t want to stay if I couldn’t do something amazing. And that it changed that day. And since then, I have to admit, when I start feeling better, I start adding all this other mess, trying again. And it’s almost like the Lord says, You promise? Do you remember what you promised? You know? Are you loving your husband and raising your children? Are you doing that? And so I have to step back again and start all over again. Say, Okay, okay, okay. Stop. Stop trying so hard to make it about everything else.

11:32

Yeah. Yeah. i So hear that. I feel like that’s exactly my heart is this. Like this, this urgency to do something that matters for God, like, that’s, that that’s exactly what I have felt in my heart is that what I wanted to do in this life that there was, you know, so much need and so much hurting? And, you know, I’ve gone to overseas and my heart’s been broken by the poverty and misery of others. And, and then here I am, you know, in faced with my incredible limitations that that. Now, my health is before I thought, you know, I don’t even know how my pride thought that I could figure out a way to do something enormous that would solve all the pain in the world and like, and now my health has, has put me into a place that says, No, you might not even be able to live tomorrow, you might not be able to, to, to, to to even do the most minimal thing.

12:37

Yes. And one thing that God is showing me when I’ve left Bangladesh, I remember thinking, but what about all the street kids got? What’s gonna happen to them? And it’s kind of like I was saying, you can’t fix all the street kids, even if you’re laying here, there’s millions of them, you know, you can’t do it, you can’t fix it. And God is the only one big enough for all of that. And basically, he’s teaching me if he took me to heaven tomorrow, it’s not like the world would fall apart. Yeah, you know, and God would still be God, and God would still have a plan, and God was still taking care of things. And so what I’m learning is my job in the life that I have, however much left there is, is to do exactly what he’s given me to do, not to do everything, but just to do exactly what he’s given to me to do whatever that is, and it may be really small. But if it glorifies Him, the one thing I keep thinking of is the little kid with a bunch that fed 5000 people. And I think, you know, that little kid had enough to feed Jesus, I think he gave it to Jesus. So Jesus could have lunch. And Jesus took it and fed everybody, including him, the little boy got to eat as much as he wanted. I love that. But what if that little boy had been like, you know, what, there’s 5000 People who are hungry, I’ve got to find enough food for them. And he leaves and he goes, and he tries to go fishing, and it would take like, years, you know, and he tries to find out the spread. And he’s totally stressed out, and all this kind of stuff, trying to fix the problem, when all Jesus wanted was for him to give what he had. And it wasn’t enough. I mean, it was ridiculously not enough. And Jesus took it and it was enough. And there’s this first Second Corinthians 812, I take it as my own instead of the whole, you know, we like the verses like calling to me, and I will do great and mighty things, you know, are, you know, beyond your comprehension, I will do these wonderful things. And this verse says, if at first there is a willing mind, it is accepted that according to what one has, and not according to what he does not have. So, and I have this picture on the wall with that verse, and it’s got a picture of the scrawny little bird that just looks so ridiculous, and I just love that picture. Because sometimes I feel so pathetic and so weak and so helpless. It’s like, that’s okay. If, because if God only wants what I have, then what he’s given me is enough. So limitations are only limited patients. They’re relative compared to everybody else, you know, but if I have my little lunch, and I get my little lunch to Jesus, he can use it and do something amazing with it if we’d stayed over seas Like I’d planned, I don’t even know what we’d be doing. But because we came home, um we got involved in this internet ministry that only asked us to do two hours a week, and it’s on the internet. So I can do it in the middle of night in my pajamas when I don’t feel well or whatever. But it it answers questions from people all over the world that come to this site called Peace with god.net. And we get questions from people in countries that are totally close to mission, please, we get questions from people in the middle of villages that are totally oppressive. That they’re saying, they’re going to kill me if they find out that I’ve come to Jesus, and we get to, we get to tell these people about Jesus, I get to talk to more people about Jesus every month than we did the whole three years, we were overseas. And that, you know, what I thought was a limitation and being put up on the shelf was not it was God adapting things so that we could do, actually more in a sense, but better, I guess not more or better, maybe that’s a good way to think of it is that our limitations make us do less. But we have to choose, we do better instead, if that makes any sense.

16:08

You know, that makes so much sense. And it’s so funny. I actually have been re rereading this book over the last year and a half called essentialism. And it’s, it’s written actually by a Christian. And it’s just brilliant. He doesn’t, he wrote it for the marketplace. So he doesn’t have any kind of faith stuff in there. But what he really focuses on in this day and age where there really aren’t limits, like there used to be, he doesn’t say this exactly. But this is just what I’ve been thinking about is just that there’s really not limits on who we can stay in contact with anymore. Like there is every kind of connection possible. So every person that you have met, since you were five, you can have a relationship with today in and they can they can get you any time of the day or night. I mean, literally the only limitations you have on the things you’re doing are limits you put yourself or, you know, in health cases that are imposed on you, but you really don’t. So I think that’s part of the reason we’re so ragged because we just we get to see everyone’s lives, we get to intimately know people that we really should have no idea about, there should be no reason that we know what someone that we met in third grade had for lunch today. That I mean, it’s just bizarre. No, their political views. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And, and and all the suffering

17:37

they’re upset about? And yes, we get. Yes. It’s constant sorry, like, you find out that about the typhoon in Japan, and you find out about all the sadness in China. And it’s like we’ve taken on the entire world, and what do you what are you supposed to do about it?

17:53

Right, that’s exactly right. What are you supposed to do about it? That’s exactly it. So so this book essentialism, I highly recommend it. Even if you can get it on an audiobook, I’ll have that in the show notes. But like I said, I’ve listened to it a couple times now. And it just gets me it’s just this. You know, it’s it’s going back to basically exactly what you said. It says the disciplined pursuit of less, but better. And that’s basically the point.

18:22

I like that that belongs on the wall. Yeah, right. Because I feel like it’s on the wall all the time is more and more and more and more, you know, I go and I speak on human trafficking. Sometimes you know, when I can. And it’s funny, because I remember hearing a woman speak and basically she was saying, if you’re a Christian, you need to be involved in this. And if you’re not involved in this, you’re not you know, you’re not glorifying God, which it’s funny because everybody’s soapbox can be that way. If you’re not homeschooling, if you’re not doing essential oils, if you’re not doing organic food, or if you’re not, you know, working in the nursery or in the choir, you’re not glorifying God. And it’s like, what God has given me a passion for it does not mean everybody should have a passion for it, we can’t have a passion for everything, we’re going to go crazy. That’s so I tell people I’m like, here’s the information. And if God tells you to do something, do it. And I said, if he doesn’t throw the papers away, and don’t feel bad about it, you’re not supposed to do it. Because yes, we can’t. We can’t just keep doing this. This is in a way it’s pride. Because we’re saying we can be God or we can help God you know, I’m gonna give him a hand here and it’s kind of a Peter syndrome. You know, I will die for your Lord and then we’re like, I can’t do all this. Jesus is like, Oh, yeah.

19:30

So true. I love that Peter syndrome. Yeah, true that, but like,

19:35

we got our trees in the backyard trimmed, and they cut those things down to just about nothing. And I read somewhere the coolest things they’re saying when a bush or plant or whatever spreads out too far. All the nutrients have to go to those branches that are sticking way far out, and the tree suffered. And it made me think about you know, abiding in Christ and how we’re supposed to be bearing fruit just because we buy, not because we’re trying so hard, you know, like, Yeah, us at the tree brain can’t do anything. It’s just a biting. And if we start spreading out so far that all the nutrients are going to the things we’re doing, we and our relationship with God starts to suffer. We don’t have time to spend with God because we’re doing so much for him. And in the end, it’s really not for him, it’s for us, it’s to make us feel better. And it’s to make us feel worth something. And if you would just stop and abide in Him, we would feel worse something and we would recognize that and then we would bear fruit. Naturally, like it would come from doing what God wants us to do not from stressing ourselves out trying to find the magic thing that’s going to, you know, that’s going to make it happen.

20:45

Yes, yes, that is just such wisdom. So I want to just underline that a little bit, that bearing fruit is not about stretching ourselves so thin and trying to go for everything that we, you know, feel like we should be doing. But it’s abiding in Christ. And when you abide in Christ, he’s the one that bears the fruit. He’s the one that bears the fruit. So I want to give an example for some things that I’ve done that, honestly, I was raised completely against this. So it’s just kind of silly, but I’m going to give some practical examples. This might have nothing to do with what a listener needs to do. But it’s just what’s worked for me in terms of pruning some things that really have nothing to do with what my what I feel like God wants me to do. I’ve developed about five outfits that I feel really comfortable with, that I feel are modest, I feel I am confident in it. In this summer, I I just don’t have the mind weights to do it. I don’t. And it’s just become easier because I, I don’t have to think about it. I know I feel good in it. I don’t have to think about what I look like. Another thing I’ve done is I stopped looking at my reflection for the most part, I really tried to discipline myself to not look at my reflection in store windows or in the mirror. Aside from my first getting ready, I’m just because I just don’t care enough about it when kind of like what you’re saying on my last day. What is going to matter what. So I bet you have things like that. Yeah, exactly. I bet you have like a bunch of like little things that you have just cut out what things have you cut

22:28

out. I love I love what you’re saying I love the thing with the outfits. It’s like I wear makeup much less often. And sometimes I even force myself not to on purpose, because that’s another identity thing. Well, I you know, I won’t look as nice and people will think whatever. And it’s like, you know what, kiddo? Read. And I read somewhere that like, you think everybody’s thinking about you. And it’s like, probably nobody’s thinking about you. Because they’re all too busy worrying about what everybody else is thinking about them. Like, wow, we are so self absorbed. So another thing I like purses, my mom loves to collect verses, she has a ton of them in all these different colors. And that just totally stresses me out, like having to make a decision and switch my purse out. Yeah, way. So I have like a black purse. I have a round purse. And Okay. Yep, yep. Shoes, I’ve gotten much more practical with my shoes, because my back and everything. And so that’s just gone by the wayside. And you know, I have a special thing for every once in a while, when you really just want it, you know, go for it, that’s great when you have the energy for it. But when you don’t, like not requiring that of yourself, not saying this is who I am. So I have to look this way. Or I have to do this. It’s like no, no, no, no, no, that can be for when you want to go all out, but who you are, like right now I’m talking to you in my pink, black polka dotted pajama pants. And I love them. They’re fleece and they’re super comfortable. And it’s okay, you know, I may even go out to the mailbox, and I’m not gonna go to Walmart and I won’t I won’t go that far. But I will go out to the mailbox is like, you know what this is okay. Um, or sometimes, you know, getting over that idea that I have to have these perfect meals for my family or I have to have this perfectly clean house. I remember asking my husband once because I was so stressed out and I was like, I can’t do everything so that when you go home, everything is perfect. And so I was asking him, what’s the most important thing? You know? Is it having food on the table? Or is it having a clean house? Or is it having what I don’t even know. And he totally shocked me. He said, What would be the most important to me is that you’re happy to see me when I come home. I was like, well, that’s like way harder than getting all this other stuff. Because at that point, and thinking you need to come in and help me do all this stuff. And I thought whoa, oh my goodness. I never thought of that before. And so now I try really hard instead of thinking okay, I have to have all the stuff done. Because he gets home now I don’t he’s not paying attention to most of that anyway. When he comes home, I need to stop whatever I’m doing even if I’m writing which is really hard and go and greet him like you’re saying greet him and be happy to see him and hug him and tell him welcome home or what Ever and stop reading all these books. That’s another thing. All these helpful books how to have the most wonderful marriage, how to have the most wonderful children how to have the best house in the world. My sister was talking about that and saying she was getting so stressed out with all these ideas and requirements. And she realized whoever’s writing the book that’s like their life focus right then. So whoever’s doing the housework book is thinking about housework all the time, whoever’s doing the family books, think about family, and you can’t do all of like, you can’t have a passion for all of those at the same time. And I would read these ideas about marriage and be like, Okay, you have to have a hot meal on the table when he comes home, because that’s what men like, and my husband would get home. And he was like, I’d really like to just sit here for a minute, can you not, you know, he didn’t want to be rushed to be forced to have dinner? And it’s like, no, no, the book said this, you have to do this. And I had to just like, stop reading those books, because they were making things worse instead of better. And just like, Okay, God, what’s today for? What do you want for me today? And like you’re saying, you know, a lot of I’ve had to really, really stop allowing those random interruption, options that can take up so much of your life. I typically don’t answer my phone. People can leave a voicemail, and then I’ll call them back if necessary, but then I don’t get those. You know, I don’t get the advertisements. I don’t get the training phone calls. Yeah, no, or I don’t, I don’t say yes. When I should think and pray and then say no, if that’s right, answer the phone right away without knowing what they’re gonna say. I say yes, to all kinds of things that I shouldn’t. That so I don’t know. And I unless, you know, if the name shows up, and it’s my mom, you know, it’s or my husband, but then I have the time to think and pray and then I can call somebody back. And And it’s funny, because it feels rude. You know? Like, it’s not a sin to not answer the phone. You know, I’m not really I’m not. And like the door, sometimes I don’t answer the door, because a lot of times, it’s a salesperson or something, you know, and

26:53

I am I’ve got the health problems, like you say, you’ve only got so much there’s this thing called Spoon Theory. And I love it. It’s basically saying healthy people can pick up things they want to pick, basically. But if you’re an unhealthy person, it’s almost like you have this handful of spoons and everything you do cost a spoon, everything, like getting dressed, taking a shower, eating breakfast, you know, everything costs something to you, and you have less spoons to pick from. So you have to be very careful about what you spend your spoons on. And I like that so much, because it gives me the freedom to say no to all these things without feeling like I’m rejecting them. You know, when you’re saying when you’re not speaking to those people at the park? It well, you’re ignoring people, you know, you should be you should be kind. It’s like no, I’m not, I’m choosing this, instead of saying I’m rejecting all this. Like that’s right, this because this is all I have. That’s right, that’s exactly right, our money on certain things. And just because I don’t give to something in Guatemala doesn’t mean I don’t care about those people bought them all. That just choosing to give to something over here and China or something else, because God is the one who should be defining where we spend our time, just like where we spend our money. And those of us with health problems have to think of that more than other people and other people should think about it more because they end up burning out and getting health problems. Because yeah, you think well, I can make up for it later. You know, I need to do this, I need to do this. And one thing that really helped me once you know the Proverbs 31 woman who intimidates all of us, I can’t be like her, you know, she’s making the clothes and she’s buying a field and she’s, you know, doing all this mess. And I went through it once. And for one I thought, you know, she organizes her household, your servants, hey, the woman has servants. Okay, I had servants, I could get a lot more done to okay, but the other thing I realized is, it’s a woman talking to her son about what kind of woman he should marry. She’s not real for one. And for another, she’s an ideal of a entire composite of a person, not what she does every day. So like, at my funeral, people might say, well, she sang in the choir, and she taught these kids. And then she went overseas, and she painted and she wrote books and blah, blah, blah. And people be like, Oh, my goodness, I can’t do all that. Well, neither can I. But through my whole lifetime, you have these different seasons of things. That’s right. And so if you read it in a lifetime thing, you’re like, Okay, she was kind of the poor, and she did these things. And she loved her kids. And it’s like, oh, okay, she’s telling her that her son, marry the kind of woman who’s a godly woman who’s not. He was going to be a king. And most queens, you know, you’d think they’d be lazy and selfish and make their servants do all the work. You don’t think of a queen as being a hard working woman. And she was saying, marry a woman who’s got integrity and character and works hard and loves her kids. It’s like, oh, yeah, okay, that is attainable. That is something we can strive for. It’s not the specifics. It’s the it’s the ideal. And so I think, you know, thinking about it in seasons really gave me a lot of freedom because we tend to think okay, if God’s given me a gift or a talent, I need to use it for him and that’s totally true. But I remember feeling so weighted down with that because God’s given me a tail I can sing, I can play the piano I can write, I can draw I can paint I can work with kids. Like, wait, we I can’t do that right now, you can’t do all that this week. Right? And it was hard for me, you know, I go to church, and I think I’m not playing the piano, I don’t have the help to do that. I’m not singing in the choir, my asthma keeps flaring up. And I can’t say I can’t breathe very well, you know, and what does that mean? Am I not serving the Lord? But God gave me a season of that where I did play the piano for him. And he gave me a season where I did think for him, and if that season is gone, that’s okay. And I need to be okay with that. And is not wrong. Like, like we’re saying, again, it’s not wrong, letting one thing go to choose the better thing. It may be less activity, but that doesn’t mean it’s less worthy.

30:47

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Okay. So a couple things you said is, first of all different seasons. And, you know, that has been life changing for me as well, because I spent this past I’m still in the middle of I think I have like another month left. But that book essentialism kind of talks a little bit about that like thinking about seasons. But I think that’s exactly the way that God made the world obviously, his season. So there’s a time for harvesting time for reaping time for sowing, you know, these, they’re all different seasons in life. And we don’t need to think about getting everything that we want. Little like you said, on our eulogy, it doesn’t have to all happen today, right now. Which I love thinking about my eulogy. I love thinking about what God wants, you know, because not that it makes me think about death. It what it makes me think about is eternity, it makes me think about what does God want from me, ultimately, in this life, and, you know, and what seasons matter for that? So, so um, so yeah, I love that you said about seasons. Another thing you said, is that just because it’s the last thing that you said was something like just because it’s briefer doesn’t mean it has less value, something like that.

32:00

is less like effort doesn’t mean it’s less about. Yeah. And yeah, I love what you’re saying about, like, if we were all farmers, this would make so much more sense. Like, we live in the world we live in, it’s kind of like, they knew when it got dark, that’s when you stop working, and you go to bed. And when you get out, you start working. And we can work all night long. You know, sometimes I can’t get sleep till five in the morning. And I get quite a lot done that way. But then you pay for it, you know, and the Bible talks about in, in Psalm one, you know, the tree that’s by the water, which means it’s getting its nourishment all the time living water, which is what we’re supposed to be doing. And it says it brings forth its fruit in its season, it doesn’t say it brings forth its fruit year round. And you’re right, in the sense that like, during winter time, it looks like nothing’s happening, and everything’s dead. But that’s when your plants are getting all their nourishment, because they aren’t so busy growing, they’re getting it and they’re getting it and they’re getting it. And then when it’s time to grow, they grow. And they bloom, and they thrive. And it’s beautiful. And I think sometimes we’re so worried about everyone looking at us and thinking we’re stagnant, that we produce all this plastic fruit, to make it look good, and make us look spiritual. And it’s like, it should be about us and Christ. That’s so brilliant. It shouldn’t be about what it looks like. It should not be about what it looks like. And if we can do that we give other people the freedom to do that, instead of making them think, oh, I don’t have as much plastic fruit as she does. So I need to make some plastic fruit too. And we’re all just, you know, creating all this mess that then God has to deal with us. Because we’ve got

33:35

That’s right, and the fruit that doesn’t last it’s like you said I love that you’re saying that it’s not fruit that last is it’s actually fruit. In fact, I think that’s, you know, if I were to give my my former self a huge criticism is that I hurt people when I was making this plastic fruit I was hurting. Whether it was non Christians are my family myself. I was, it was it was the absolute opposite of what God intended for me to do. So I love I love that. I mean, here’s what I want to kind of wrap up this conversation. When someone is saying, you know, Martha versus Mary, it’s a lot easier to be Martha because I know what to do. I can do something, darn it. How in the world? How in the world does a woman the 21st century American mostly, I mean, there’s just goes all over the world. But you and I are in America right now. I mean, how do we abide? What does that even look like?

34:32

I remember used to kind of feel a little resentful. When I read that passage was like, well, somebody needed to make the dinner and somebody, you know, do all this stuff. Why is she getting back and right? It’s like, well, yeah, that would be the whole problem American. That way. It’s like it was done about her making the dinner if she had made the dinner for Christ, just for Christ. She wouldn’t mind it. But I think in a way she kind of wanted somebody to notice all the work she was doing, and it bothered her that somebody else wasn’t doing anything. work as she was doing. And so the problem wasn’t the dancer the problem was our hearts. And I am finding if I’m doing something because God told me to do it, that’s great. If I’m doing something to get attention, if I’m doing something for people to think I’m spiritual, if I’m doing something for God to think I’m, if I’m doing something to feel better about myself, or if I’m just doing it because it should be done and somebody who’s not doing it, right, or you know, I feel guilty, or really, there’s a million reasons we do things. Yeah. Or I’m just doing it because it’s there. It’s a lesser thing. We feel like it’s more, but it’s less, it’s a less, lesser thing, because we are commanded in the scriptures to rest and abide. And if we’re not doing that, we’re actually disobeying we are being ungodly. And it’s interesting that this came up, because I had planned on like, I didn’t do my devotions this morning, I thought, well, I’m going to do them right before the podcast. And that would be good to get my mind in the right frame, right? Well, what I was also gonna do before the podcast was figure out this whole microphone situation. And I was trying to get it figured out and it wasn’t working. And I was having to redo all this mess on the computer, it was getting so stressful. And I thought, this is exactly the problem. Like, I didn’t have time to do my emotions before the podcast, because I was so stressed out doing all these other things. And I thought, wow, there it is, right there. It’s just life keeps coming after us. And if we’re not intentional, we’re going to catch ourselves, responding to all the stress and being stressed out ourselves. And that’s why I’m making these choices. Like you’re saying, having only five outfits, that’s fantastic. Or, you know, choosing, I’m not going to go to this party. You know, his Pampered Chef party, someone invited me to even though I really did so and so and blah, blah, blah. And if I don’t blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know it, ask God. And if God doesn’t say go, it’s okay to say no. And you don’t have to have a big reason. You can just say no, I mean, not rude, or anything, of course, but Right, I can’t make it. And you know, and that’s okay. It’s okay to not have your kids in 15 different sports, just because everybody says that you should. And particularly, one thing I would say to American women, when your children are small, let it go. This is a season where you are going to be exhausted, just taking care of your kids, you are not required to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife also looks fantastic, I’ll still be able to do all these things, insurance, also be able to blah, blah, blah. I remember wanting to be that woman, you know, I wanted to have this amazing life that people could look at me and say, Wow, look at all she’s doing for Jesus. And I realized, you know, if I did, if I had been able to accomplish that, you know, when eulogy and all that they would have been able to say all this mess, that would have intimidated a bunch of women who would have thought, well, I can’t serve God, because I can’t do that. I’m like, What good is that? Like, what allows?

37:42

Delete? Amen. So

37:46

whereas now what I want, what I want is for people to be able to say instead of looking Oh, she did for Jesus, I want them to say, look at what Jesus did for her.

37:53

Oh, look at that. Yes,

37:57

here freed me and helped me and pulled me through an identity that was better. Yeah, like, a stupid little sheet that I am, how he carried me along and had understanding. I think what a better way to live and be via to get sick, and go through all this mess. For that to be the new message of my life. How much better is it to be sick than to be well, so Oh, yes. Yes, I have to stay sick. Fine. It’s not about me having enough faith that God will magically make me better. And then I can go back to doing all these things again, that make me feel better about myself. Without God, very often telling me, Kim, sit down, shut up and let me be God. It doesn’t sound very spiritual. And it’s not something you’ve crossed it, but on a pillow. But

38:50

no, that’s what works for me. Yeah, yeah. I love that.

38:56

It’s beautiful. And if if sitting by the living water, you know, some gnarly little tree, that’s not very impressive. But if I bring forth my fruit in my season, then it honor for the maker. Yeah, and that’s

39:09

right. Okay. Let me just say that again, if I have my little gnarly mess of a tree, sitting by the living water, and if I bring forth fruit in my season, it’s enough. And I love how that’s right. Not in somebody else’s season. Not in the winter when you’re supposed to be receiving. I love that. I love that. So I think this is a life changing podcast. I really hope that listener you got a chance to really dive in. I think the last thing I would just kind of underscore if there’s kind of a last thought you want to give Kimberly, to our listeners just you know when she’s just digesting this and this is maybe a new understanding to say I can’t I can’t it’s not my season. What would you want to kind of give her some last insight, some last advice,

40:08

a Bible verse that says, Those who compare themselves among themselves, I can’t remember exactly. But those who prepare themselves other people are not wise. That convicts me all the time, because we look around us, especially in shirts, and we say, Oh, she’s got perfect little kids with perfectly pressed pants, and, you know, haircuts, and bla bla, bla, bla bla, and, you know, I feel like, or we look at people on Facebook, and we look at their perfect little lives, which they aren’t, it’s just their pictures. And, you know, we look at, we look at the appearance of things, and Jesus told us not to look at the appearance of things, but to judge righteously. The only person where I tell my kids all the time, who are you responsible for? Because they always want to say, well, so and so or I give them something to do. And the first thing to do is go tell her brother, you know, and you’re like, Well, have you done what I told you to do? That’s, that’s all you need to care about. That’s all you need to do. And every once in a while, I’ll ask some of them on purpose, kind of detest them. Like, I’m going to give him a cookie, and I’m not going to give you a cookie, and I want you to trust me, because later on, she’s going with me somewhere else, and we’re gonna get ice cream. But you watch her struggle, struggle and struggle and struggle with the injustice of this what feels like injustice. And you know, maybe reminding you a cup, you know, he got a cookie, and I didn’t get a cookie, and you’re like, and I finally told her, it would have been a lot more fun to give me this special thing, if you hadn’t, you know, basically been so stressed out about it. And I look around at the women in my church, the ones who have the perfect makeup, or the ones who have the perfect voice, or the ones who have the perfect children, or the ones who that seems that way. Yeah. And then the one woman who has the perfect makeup all the time, she was talking to me the other day, and a soccer game. It was super hot. And she said, you know, all this makeup makes my face so hot and everything and I still show on my face. Oh, okay. And I was like, Yeah, we were running late. And I decided to skip it. And she was like, oh, but you always look so beautiful. And I just wanted like, spit and like, Are you kidding? Like now? Basically, she was saying, I have to wear all this makeup because I have these skin problems. I’m like, Oh, no. So I told her all about my and you know, my skin is always different tones and all these different things. And she’s just looking at me like, Are you kidding? And I’m looking at her like, Are you kidding? I was like, well, there you have it. Yeah, you know, we’re always comparing ourselves thinking the other person is whatever. And we do that spiritually, too. She’s doing all these things, and I’m not doing enough. It might be her season, it might be plastic fruit. Basically, the best way I can serve God is to just be God’s stop looking at everybody else. And if you are looking at them, look at them and try and figure out how you can encourage them. Yeah, I found I don’t I can’t sing in the choir anymore. I can’t play the piano anymore. I can’t work in the nursery anymore. I can’t teach Sunday school anymore. All these things I used to do in church. I can’t in fact, a lot of times I don’t even make it. And so sometimes I sit in the back in my stupid little mask because I can’t very well, it’s ridiculous. But you know what, when I do go, I’ve got this new man in the street. I hug the old ladies. Oh, I had some of the I said some of the women who have health problems or who are struggling. And I’m like, You know what? That may be a better ministry that all those things I used to do. Yeah, because all the people who are too busy don’t have time to do that. Yeah, and maybe that’s, maybe that’s my little fruit for right now. Maybe that’s it? Yeah. And the thing is, when it’s time to shake hands, and that’s when I go hug people. My daughter comes with me, and she has people she’s eight years old. She’s learning to be a compassionate person. And she absolutely loves those women. Hmm. And so instead of training my daughter to do everything and do it perfectly, and pretend to do it perfectly. So you’re all stressed out before you go to church, you’re arguing with your family, you’re trying to blah, blah, blah, blah, you get to church, and you paste on that little fake smile. And you do all these perfect little things. And I think God’s up there saying none of that was worth anything. Yeah, instead of doing that, she’s learning to love people. Yeah. And so that was like a really long last thought, Oh, my God. Sorry.

44:04

It was a good one. It was an absolute treasure. So I appreciate that. No, I this is gonna be one. Ah, Kimberly, I just your last conversation, I went back and listened to again when I was like in a really hard health spot. And it just encouraged me so so much. I think this is going to be a podcast that I myself and I’m sure the listeners are going to just listen to over and over because we need this. We need to know that our little, I’m just gonna say it again, our gnarly self of a tree, you know, sitting by the living water, if we’re bringing forth fruit in our season. That’s enough. So I just want to encourage the listener and Kimberly tell us where people can find you online if I’m sure they want to find you online. So where can they follow you?

44:56

Yeah, Kimberly rei.com is Kimberly re ra he.com And there’s links on there, like to my Facebook, and you know, all that other mess that, you know? We do. But um, that would be great. Yeah. And I’ve got, I’ve got some books about living joyfully with chronic health problems. I’ve got one on there, it’s just five bucks. It’s called laughter for the sick and tired, like, if you just sick of it all, and you just need some jokes and stuff. But sure, and there’s a Contact button on the air. If you want to pop me an email and tell me all about your health problems and how you’ve been struggling. That’d be totally fine. I’d love to hear from you.

45:35

Oh, Kimberly, you’re so wonderful. Well, thank you so much for this, this has been amazing.

45:40

I’m really glad you wanted to do this, this was good.

45:48

Well, I hope that you have just feel lighter. Just unburdened for all the stress that this world kind of puts on our shoulders and Christian women, it just feels like added, added added. And you know, what, what does God require of you? That’s the question. And I think Kimberly did a great job of really explaining that. Mary chose the good part, if you’re familiar with that Bible verse, Mary and Martha, Martha was running around and doing all the chores and getting all the food prepared for all the people that were there. And Mary was sitting at Jesus feet, and listening and learning and just being with him. And maybe she wasn’t even learning. I don’t know, she was just there. And Martha complains to Jesus and is like, well, what’s the deal? You know, my sister should be helping me tell her to help me. And Jesus says, Martha, you’re distracted by many things. But Mary has chosen the good part, and it will not be taken from her. So I just encourage you, wherever you are on this journey. We’re all on a journey, aren’t we? But whatever season you’re in, to rest in that, that you are in a season, and and take your cues from God about what what does it mean to abide in him in the season that you’re in right now? God bless you. I’m praying for you. I’m praying that this really does impact you. And this I mean, this is a message that could change the world. I mean, this is this is it, the discipline pursuit of God’s will? That’s what it’s about, isn’t it? All right. I love you. I’m praying for you and let’s talk again next Tuesday. Bye.

47:37

Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.