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Sherry had every reason to think her marriage was over. She found out her husband was cheating on her and asked him to move out. He moved in with his girlfriend. She found solace and hope in her newfound faith and Christian family. It was not an easy road, but what God has brought this couple through is astounding.
Be awed by what God did through their marriage and what hope she has to share with you. She talks specifically why submitting and relinquishing control is so hard for women. And why God asks us to do it.
Scriptures/Quotes:
- Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”
- 1 Peter 3 Amplified “In the same way, you wives, be [a]submissive to your own husbands [subordinate, not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God, and so partnering with them] so that even if some do not obey the word [of God], they may be won over [to Christ] without discussion by the godly lives of their wives, 2 when they see your modest and respectful behavior [together with your devotion and appreciation—love your husband, encourage him, and enjoy him as a blessing from God]. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—with interweaving and elaborate knotting of the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or [being superficially preoccupied with] dressing in expensive clothes; 4 but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands and adapting themselves to them; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham [following him and having regard for him as head of their house], calling him [b]lord. And you have become her daughters if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear [that is, being respectful toward your husband but not giving in to intimidation, nor allowing yourself to be led into sin, nor to be harmed].”
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!”
Resources:
- Learn more about Sherry at intentionallyyours.org
- If you’d like to come alongside Sherry & her husband in their journey with Zoweh, they’re in the midst of raising our support as missionaries, you can do so here.
TRanscript
Transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.
0:18
I have got to say, if you have listened to this show for a while, this is so timely. I just interviewed Sherry Jennings. And man, what she has to say is so right on the money for what God is teaching me, and the things I’ve shared with you, even on the last solo show, about how to get him to do what you want, I would love for you to go back and listen to that to kind of prep you for this show. But today, we have an amazing story of a woman who went through the fire. I mean, just honestly, I didn’t mention this on the show. But it reminds me of one of the most devastating experiences of my life, my parents divorce, it reminds me almost explicitly the details that are involved. Gosh, this show could change people’s hearts and lives and us as a wife, you as a wife can change what’s going on in your marriage. It’s just anyway, it’s just exactly what God needed us to hear. So if you want to understand who you are as a wife, and what your your mission is, how you can change and transform the marriage from the depths of despair and darkness into what God wants and becoming the husband that God wants him to become. This is the episode for you. So let’s dive in.
2:01
Hello, and welcome delight your marriage listener, thank you so much for joining me. I have a wonderful guest on Sherry Jennings with her website intentionally yours.org. Welcome, Sherry, thank you for being here.
2:14
Thank you, Bella, I’m so excited to share with you.
2:17
I’m excited to have you and I know you and I went back and forth a little bit to try to get this finally locked in. So I’m so glad we found a spot to do this. But let’s go ahead if you don’t mind. Could you share a little bit about yourself, your family your day to day life?
2:36
Let’s see. First and foremost, I guess it’s important to know that I am just a beloved daughter of God first, and I am the wife of Scott. We’ve been married since 1991. And I’m a mom to Stephen who is 21 years old and figuring out who he is. Our day to day, our day to day life is changing. We’ve been my husband and I have been on staff with our church, him for the last seven years as pastor of marriage and family life. And I’ve been working with the coordinating the children’s ministry volunteers and leading women’s ministry. And we are in the midst of transitioning out of that and into full time missionary work with so a ministries yes out of Durham, North Carolina. So we are on a completely new adventure. Just following God where He leads us.
3:31
Wow, that is so amazing. I feel probably all the listeners too are in the same boat of like, oh my gosh, uprooting my life and becoming a missionary. I can’t even imagine. I mean, what I how? I guess you know, I’m sure we’ll talk more about this. But like, maybe a small little How did that kind of transpire?
3:51
Well, honestly, just from the years of working at the church and being shaped by gosh, our hearts desire to let every man woman, husband, wife, know that as long as you’re breathing there that there’s hope. And we spent a lot of time and our story certainly breaks down barriers and allows us to talk to people and allows us to be heard by by couples struggling in the midst of their stuff. You know, my husband’s not the ordinary pastor who was born and raised in the church and, you know, stands up there and preaches every week we’ve been in the trenches with our marriage. Our marriage has been to the ER and back. So realizing as we’re counseling couples that we’ve got all these great practical tools. And we’ve just been learning and realizing over the years at the church that we need to reach the men and women in their hearts if we can help them get their hearts back individually, and understand their stories understand their experiences and where God was in those experiences. And how the enemy wants to tell you who you are in the midst of those experiences and sometimes we believe that we believe him. Yeah. And that shapes our world, and we make lots of unhealthy decisions. So we were awakened to that through Zowie ministries. And just once we got a hold of that, that deeper heart message, we are just we’re compelled who are called to share it to be part of that to take that next step.
5:25
So that is so amazing. Wow, I love that you mentioned, you know, understanding your past and understanding where God is in the midst of those experiences where he was that maybe you believe the lie that the enemy was telling you instead of the truth that God was guiding you in, in those places. So that’s just phenomenal. I’m sure we’re going to get deeper into that. Can you tell me though a little bit about your and your husband’s personalities?
5:51
Sure. And that’s, that’s such a great question. And anybody who listens to this, who knew us back in the day would be like, Oh, that is not the Scott and Sherry, we knew. But although Scott’s still is loud and boisterous, and just he’s an extrovert, he loves people. He’s adventurous. In fact, we travel a lot and, and I call him Ponce de Leon, because he’s the one who wants to take the road that Google Maps does not recommend. He wants to see where that road goes. And I’m just like, really, honey, because you know, we really need to be there and X amount of time, but he helps me enjoy the journey. Yeah, yeah. On the other side, I’m more quiet and cautious and reflective. And I’m certainly an introvert I. And most people now would say, really? Yeah, I just I love being with people. But that’s not where I get my energy, I get my energy in a nice quiet room, or floating in the pool, one of the other.
6:53
That’s awesome. Well, as I said, I mean, there’s just so many seeds of I’m excited about this conversation. But I want to kind of start our conversation if there’s a scripture or a quote that’s meant a lot to you. That might have to do with this journey you’ve been on.
7:10
There are so many, but I have to say one of the first ones I latched on when I met Jesus was I’d started reading a proverb a day. Because, gosh, there are 31 of them. How smart is God? Ever you get to read them? Well, times. It’s awesome. And so proverbs 3125, strength and honor are her clothing, she will rejoice in days to come. And to hang on to that during the days when you don’t feel like rejoicing and you rejoice anyway. And then when you get to places where it’s clear, and everybody’s rejoicing with it, you get to rejoice too. So that’s pulled me forward.
7:50
Wow, what amazing. First, I’m think I will be meditating on that. Today is so perfect for me. Thank you. All right, well, so I do want to kind of talk about that season of struggle in your marriage, because we all learn from each other struggles and the testimony that God pulled us through it. And I love your message of hope. But I think we really need to understand, you know, what do you mean by being in the trenches? Going to the ER and back with your marriage? What? Yeah, could you share?
8:22
And I guess I probably should have said to the Morgan back, because we divorced on our 14th wedding anniversary. Oh, my goodness, yeah. So I start in the middle, so that I can go back to the beginning. When my husband and I got married, we we did not have relationship with Jesus. I had grown up Catholic and military girl. My dad was in the Navy. And so we were raised. My sisters and I were raised to be fiercely independent, strong women. And my husband didn’t grow up in any church. So he had no background, nothing to fall back on. And so when we got married, I was my career field at the time was property management, facilities management and construction, which is a man’s field and I’m about five foot one blonde and petite. So in that field, you had to be louder and sometimes coarser than the men that you’re working with. Yeah, and I was, I embraced that fully. I walked fully into that. Oh, my mouth. Oh, my mouth. So disrespectful. And so just so disrespectful and that it was seemingly great in what I was doing. But it was a very poor formula for marriage. And so coming home and just tearing him down and having no respect for him and speaking to him so poorly. Coupled with his own, he’s the youngest of five. And just not as he’s strong willed, but it’s easier to acquiesce under that sort of braiding and disrespect, so he, we got into a cycle where he would drink and we would fight and he would escape. And I had no idea that he had a proclivity for alcoholism. So that’s what he pursued when pursuing me wasn’t working, because I was more like a porcupine than his wife. Yeah. And just over the years that just wore us down, he was in the fire service in our small town in Connecticut. And he saw a lot of things that I firmly believe we weren’t created to see, we I don’t believe we’re created, see death, the way that we see death. So just experiencing all of that, and not knowing how to deal with it. And the fire service, typically at least 20 some odd years ago, almost 30 years ago, was not a place that helped you heal through that it was pretty much suck it up. If you can’t deal get out of the fire service. So there was no real help. Yeah. And so to escape from that he was drinking. And in the midst of it started having an affair with a woman at the bar. And I had no idea, no clue, because I’m just thinking he’s taking calls. And it was about that time that we found out we were pregnant. And God, I didn’t realize it was God at the time, but just working on my heart, realizing, Oh, my goodness, the words that are coming out of my mouth will sound horrible, horrific coming out of a two year old mouth. So God just started to soften my thoughts and soften my words. And I just, you know, I think all women realize you get to a point where like, this is not the way marriage is supposed to be this cycle of fighting and making up and, and all of that. So yeah, a friend of a mutual friend of ours whose husband was also in the fire service invited me to Bible study, they were having a big life groups push it their church. And it was purpose driven life. And she asked me to attend. So I started going with her. And it that was where Jesus started to really win my heart in a way that I could see. And that’s where I surrendered my heart to him. And in that, that was a year journey with her in that life group. And it was during that time that I discovered that my husband was having an affair. Oh, my goodness. And yeah, that’s when I thought I had surrendered to Jesus. But boy, when you find that out, and you’ve got the right women around you, to encourage you, that’s when I really surrendered to Jesus. And he showed me just who I was, he showed me that I was acting more like his mother and not a very good one. How controlling I was and how coarse my language was, and how harmful I was to our marriage. And not his affair was my fault. But I certainly played my part in wounding my husband, and that was where he sought solace. And
13:15
can I ask you before you go on this just as so crazy, yeah, such a powerful Yeah, crazy powerful. Hard to hear. You know, I can’t imagine living it. So how long were you all married? before? Yeah, before you found out you’re pregnant.
13:36
We married in 91. And we had our son in 95.
13:44
So all that was like when you were newlyweds even Yeah, like you were
13:49
and I didn’t find out about the affair the affair there had been just weekend type of airs, you know smaller one nightstand things. But the long term affairs the one I found out about in 2003
14:04
Wow. So this was like just the way it was that he was turning to alcohol and affairs throughout raising your son throughout your working in his working and yeah, is that kind of how it was for a decade? More than that? Yeah. Yep. Wow. Um, so I like that you said it’s not the way marriage is supposed to be to an end. And when you said like the cycle of like, of like, I’m imagining because it sounds like my ex marriage of just like, rage and anger and then you know, making up and trying to be all better and then all of a sudden they’re, you know, just topples into a huge argument again, and just the cycle is that kind of what it was like,
14:50
exactly an escalating each time. Of course, because unless you do something different, it’s only going to escalate because you haven’t really dealt with anything.
14:59
Hmm unless you do something different, it’s only going to escalate. Because you haven’t dealt with it. Yeah. Wow. So then, I mean, what? You said that okay, so then how did the divorce come about? Did you find out or when you found out, you said you were in the Bible study,
15:15
right. And so walking that out with my friends, and that’s where I really took the Crash Course. And actually, I found out in 2004, I think about it, wow, wow, 2003 eggs, that’s when I surrendered to Jesus 2004, I found out about the affair that he had been in for a year already. And that’s really where I took the crash course on how to be a wife. And what God says a wife is and what he designed women to be as wives. And I just I go to First Peter three in the Amplified Version. And I wish I could say that there was one verse in there. But really, I can’t is the whole thing. The whole thing.
16:00
And for those of us who aren’t thinking about what that like, I can’t think of what first period three is about. So is that about becoming the wife that God wants us to become? Essentially,
16:10
it’s the one that that people really don’t like, because it starts out in the same way what you wives be submissive to your own husbands. Yeah, subordinates not as inferior, but out of respect for the responsibilities entrusted to husbands, the accountability to God, so partnering with them. And that’s why I love the Amplified Version, because you get all of those little bracketed nuggets, that all of a sudden submission isn’t scary. When you know that it’s out of respect for his responsibilities, and his accountability to God. He carries the weight, that’s what our submission is about getting out of the way and letting him carry the weight.
16:49
Wow, can you say that, again, out of respect for his responsibilities to God, or
16:54
the responsibilities entrusted to husbands and their accountability to God? And so you’re partnering with them in that submission?
17:04
Wow. What do you mean by that, partnering with them in that submission, that
17:11
when we come up under their mission, because that’s really what submission means sub mission come under the mission. And we support them in the mission that God has given them the responsibilities and that God has given them. They can do anything. They can conquer the world when we come up, come up under them and support them in that.
17:38
Okay, so, like you said, this is the hard one, right? It’s funny, because God has dealt with this so significantly on in my heart for probably the last four or five months, specifically. And, like you I work with just about all men and my full time job. And just the way it’s, you know, it’s hard to I guess the first thing in my head is that it’s hard to figure out the difference between submitting to every man in the world and submitting just to your husband. And I guess, maybe I should start by that. Do you think there’s a difference there?
18:14
Absolutely. Nowhere in God’s word, does it say to submit to man, it says, submit to your authority. So I submit to the pastor under which I serve at my church and I, but I first surrendered to God, if I don’t. I find, I realized what God showed me is my submission problem was not one first to my husband, it was first to God. Wow, why do you say that? Because if you’re not submitting to God, there’s no way you can submit to your husband.
18:43
Wow. Because you don’t have that foundation of
18:48
you don’t know how. And that spirit that that pride in you. I mean, that’s why we don’t submit to God, right? Because we’re prideful, we think we got it. And if we’ve got that attitude towards our husband, we are not submitting to God. And the other way that I sort of realized that what’s mission was to, it’s sort of my favorite visual illustration. His submission is really getting low and getting under, right. And so when we do that, we’re really ducking so that the Holy Spirit can smack our husbands with a two by four of conviction. And I know that far too often he was hitting me with that Dubai for until I learned to duck. Mm hmm.
19:36
Interesting. Can you explain that in like a situation maybe something that you used to do and something that you learned and it’s been better after that?
19:48
I used to tell my husband, not just that my car needed the brakes done, but that I needed the brakes done. And so would he make an appointment with me? Kanak on this date, and this time, because I wanted to make sure it was done my way. Mm hmm. And so now I just say, Honey, my brakes are squeaking when you look at them. And I leave it all to him. And sometimes he makes good decisions with that. And not necessarily that. I mean, he always does great with the cars, he’s great with cars. But even in financial situations, and all of that I speak what I feel needs to be done. And then he does what he feels needs to be done. And I have found that often he’ll do them better in ways that I thought didn’t seem like a good way but and in times when he’s made mistakes, he’s gotten to feel the weight of those those decisions that he’s made, and I don’t need to browbeat him. I don’t need to tell him he feels the weight of them if I don’t rescue him.
20:50
Yeah, okay. Can you explain that a little bit more.
20:54
So often, we rescue our husbands. So often if they make a mistake, or if we jointly make a mistake, we do everything we can to buffer that don’t make the impact less. And sometimes they need to see the shutoff notice, as much as I hate to say that. Sometimes they need to see a deadline that was missed. And now there’s a penalty, sometimes they need to see a missed opportunity.
21:21
Yes. And it just to summarize, because this has just been so strong for me recently, it’s so you said first of all, if he you’ve given him the space to make the mistake, or to thrive either way, and then whatever happens, it’s not our job to go back and criticize and say you could do it differently. Or you should have done it better in this way or that way. Or this is how you made the mistake. You don’t need to make it worse. He feels that wait, that was the first thing and then the second thing you said that I think that was so helpful, is to also realize it’s also as a wife, not our job to cushion it for him to make it easier to to just go save him to to realize that the bill was missed and go call the electric company and yourself because you’re making it so it wouldn’t be as painful for him. Is that what you’re getting at? That’s
22:09
exactly right. And you cheer him on when it goes well. And when it doesn’t go? Well. You say baby, that’s okay. I know you’re gonna make it right. I know you’re gonna take care of it. I trust you. I love you. You know, you. You do the same thing with your kids, don’t you? They make a mistake and you don’t beat him up for it. You cheer him on you tell him you didn’t you’re not a failure. You just failed at this. Let’s do it again. Let’s do it. Right. Yeah.
22:34
Yep. Yep, yep. Yep. And you mentioned controlling, is that the issue that all this wives are having? Tried to control everything?
22:44
Yes. Yes, there are a lot of us out there. And you know, what’s ironic is, gosh, self control is a fruit of the Spirit. Da.
23:01
Well, so tell me, why do we control? Why do you think as wives as women here,
23:07
it comes down to fear it comes down to I don’t trust God, I don’t trust my husband to take care of me the way I want to be taken care of, and we forget that what we want may not be what’s best, that God or our husbands may see something that’s better for us. And we just, we can’t see it. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. Because their husbands are meant to look down the horizon. They’re meant to look up above the trees and see what’s coming. Do you know what I mean? They’re meant to be the vision casters and the leaders in the family. And we’re meant to take care of the day to day we were meant to dream with our husbands. But we’re meant to, to come alongside him in the day today. And my husband will say Sherry, when there are places we disagree and you’re not following me it’s like giving a cat a bath. I say yes. I’m sorry, honey.
24:03
Okay, so Sherry, I’m again new to this whole realm of understanding I’ve been a Christian for a long time have married for like die, but this part is so hard for me still. Because there are certain things and I’ll just use my own my own marriage as an example. There are certain things that we’ve taken plenty of personality tests and and and I love those kinds of things that teach me about my strengths and the things I’m good at. And you know, what I bring to my professional world, his leadership and vision and organization and strategy, and that’s the kind of thing I like to do. How does that work in a marriage when, as a wife, my husband is not gifted in that same direction, those same departments? How does that How do you think how can you counsel me?
24:54
What are his strengths?
24:57
Oh, there’s many, many, many, many But what I’ve noticed is they kind of complement each other. So that’s how we’ve maintained peace. But I am understanding this in a different way that now that I’m taking a step back from being controlling, which I didn’t used to think I was, but now that I realized some things I read some and God has convicted me about, but like you said, I mean, there were just little, you know, we had a really, really strong marriage. But then there were little times where like, suddenly, it’s something flipped. And and there was a little piece where I was trying to teach him something, or I was trying to, you know, make it easier for whatever. And, and it kind of elucidated everything that was going on. At the same time, I noticed he wasn’t the man that he needed to be for God for our family, for me, he didn’t feel the power to do he didn’t feel empowered, he didn’t feel confident you didn’t feel the initiative. So I think there’s definitely negative things that have come out of this idea that we need to just compliment each other. Because there’s, there’s certainly a way that I need to submit and allow him the be that cheerleader be the one that respects him and gives him confidence throughout. But does that make sense? I mean, what would you suggest to a wife that’s saying, Well, I’m just better at this stuff than he is.
26:19
I have couple suggestions. First, these first an example. My dad was in the military, he was in the Navy. And on the ship he was on there’s there’s always an officer who’s who tends to be the commanding officer tend to be less experienced younger. And they are expected to lead and enlisted the top enlisted man who has many more years, and many more relationships, and many, just a lot more experience in leading the man on that ship than this officer who comes in, but the officer has all the training and you know, the college degree and all that stuff. And so it’s sort of similar sometimes in marriage, where our husbands, their strengths aren’t necessarily our strengths. And so the enlisted man comes alongside that officer surrenders to him in public, you know, submits to him, admits leading the crew, but pours into that officer, everything that he has relationally in the leadership realm, to make the officer a better commanding officer. And that’s what we’re called to do as wives, we need to pour into our husbands in those areas of leadership and our strengths. Because what you described is exactly who I am for the women’s ministry at my church for, you know, the scheduling that I do with children’s volunteers in very different places in my life, I do those things in at home, I bring those strengths in, and I pour them into him. And I encourage him. And the hardest part, I think, for me, and maybe for you, because you’ve mentioned in it is giving him the space to lead and realizing it won’t look like the way you lead. And that that’s okay.
28:08
Yeah. So that’s powerful. And I think that answers the question so so well, that our responsibility as wife is to pour into her husband and give him everything he needs to lead. The best that he can
28:26
separate. That’s exactly right.
28:29
So then my follow up to that is something I’ve again been wrestling with is understanding. Where is the line of of leadership? Where does is there? Like? How do you understand what’s leadership? And what’s not it? Does that make sense? Like, sometimes I, you know, I’ve come to a place of really enjoying kind of, like you said, like saying things that I’d like to do this honey, or I think, I think this needs to be done or something. And then he makes the choice whether it needs to be done or not. And I’m not trying to control him. And I don’t really care about the outcome, because if it doesn’t happen, well, he made the choice and, and it’s not going to happen, that’s fine. But more often than not, he responds and gives me whatever I’d like because he he desires to love me and cherish me the way that I want to. So go ahead, go ahead. Yeah, exactly.
29:19
So I’m waiting for the question. Yeah. That sounds really good. You’ve nailed it. I don’t know. It’s, it’s time.
29:30
Well, honestly, to some degree, I feel like I’m sharing with him. What I’d like to do and most of the time it happens. So it almost feels like I’m still leading because I’m asking for something to happen. Does that make sense?
29:45
Yeah, but that’s okay. It just it’s you just see more because you’re in the day to day and he’s making decisions about Will it get us to where we need to be that you know, where he’s guiding you eventually. And maybe you guys just need some dreaming weekends. Where if you’ve got Kids, you stick the kids with somebody who loves them and you to go off and you don’t. You don’t talk about the day to day you talk about where do you want to be in 10 years? Yeah, you know, what’s God put on your heart husband? Where? Where do you see us in 10 years? And how can I help us get there?
30:17
Interesting. Wow, what a different way of asking questions. What do you see us going in 10 years, honey, because that was the opposite. I used to say things just like that, but more about what I’m dreaming about. Like, I would ask him what he thinks we should do. And then I’d be like, well, I’d like to XY and Z. I don’t you see what I mean? It’s a it’s a Yeah, is saying that I’d like to do these dreams? I mean, I guess it’s not forcing him to do it.
30:50
No, that’s assertive. That’s what we’re supposed to do. Or super, if we can’t communicate and share what our hearts dreams and desires are? Gosh, that’s supposed to be the marriage is supposed to be the safest place on the planet to do that. And you’re right, he wants to meet your dreams and desires.
31:05
Hmm. Well, I just feel so when you’ve talked about this to wives, and they’ve been beat up as badly as you have, I mean, from what you’ve told me, it just the last thing a wife wants to hear, after finding out about an affair after you raising the child on your own while your husband was off, you know, having, you know, time at the bar and X, Y and Z. I mean, how in the world would a wife get to where you’ve gotten to from where you came from?
31:36
Lots of prayer, lots of surrender, lots of realizing that I’m on my own journey. And he’s on his own journey. And I have to walk with God through my journey. And trust God with my husband.
31:55
Trust God with your husband, what do you mean by that?
31:57
Realizing that I can’t change him. There’s nothing I could say to him, I could not convince him. And that leads me back to First Peter three, you know, we try to convince our husbands with our many, many words. And sometimes it’s just our respectful silence, our Christlike character that piques their curiosity, and has them asking about Jesus and wooing them to Jesus, and we let them for me for for me, it really truly was that transformation that second Corinthians 517, new creation, where God stripped away all the harshness and, and husbands notice that they, you know, when you change, you can only change you let your like God change your husband, you can only change you. But when you change you, everyone around you has to change, because they won’t respond the same way to different stimulus. Does that make sense?
32:55
You have to explain that. I love it. But I have to understand it more. I
32:58
know, I understand. And that was a really practical difference for Scott to see because he would try to after learn about the affair, we tried to work it out in our own power. And that didn’t really work. And he said he was giving up the girlfriend and found out he wasn’t. So I asked him to move out because I told him that he couldn’t have me and a girlfriend, that we created our home, to be home for us for our marriage a safe place for our son, and that none of that includes a girlfriend. So he moved in with his girlfriend. And as he would try to, you know, just start arguments and get under my skin. And he would say a lot of angry things because he was a very angry alcoholic guy. Clearly not happy with his life or what he’s doing. And I would respond differently. I wouldn’t, because there’s no talking to someone who’s angry, especially I read through the Proverbs every day, and you’ll totally get that. There’s you don’t argue with angry people. And so him just seeing that he couldn’t engage me that way. Because I would just say, sorry, you feel that way, honey. And that just sort of deflates him because he’s ready for a fight and there’s no fight to be had, you know, a gentle answer turns away wrath and anger. And that he would push those buttons for a while but then eventually realize, okay, this isn’t just an act. This isn’t just a strategy. She’s changing. Wow. And he it mystified him. It made him angry, made him angrier, eventually just totally mystified him and he was curious as to what was going on. So because I responded differently, he had to respond differently. And he started to soften. But then realizing that he was on his own journey, you know, wrestling with God because he’s living with his girlfriend and her kids. It Clearly he knows he’s not he would tell you, I’m not telling you anything, he wouldn’t tell you. He would tell you that he knew he wasn’t being the man that he was supposed to be. He knew he wasn’t living in the right place. He knew he should be with his wife and, and our son. And it’s like that, Paul, thing. You know, I do the things that I’m not supposed to do, because I didn’t know Christ. So he didn’t know why. He knew we shouldn’t do them, if that makes sense. But he was feeling that conviction, that weight of conviction, because that’s what our respectful Christ like character does. That’s what our kindness does, it leads to repentance and conviction.
35:39
Wow. That’s so powerful. So when you change everyone else around you has to change. Because they’re responding to different stimuli. That’s what you said in the foreground. And that’s yes, I mean, that’s the example that happened. So then what and
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I’ll tell you just to stop right there for a second because it didn’t just change at home, it changed at work. Okay, so I’m still in this facilities management. I’m out of construction by then, but still working with some construction men. And my countenance and my character change there too. And instead of yelling at the guys, and cursing at them, and being coarse, I found that if I spoke more softly, they drew nearer and listened to better. And as I respected them as just men who know their trade. Yeah, I was able to elicit the best from them. And, gosh, I had my best years of employment, they had no one at my office at my work knew what I was going through at home. They just saw a superstar manager at the time.
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Oh, my gosh. Ah, Sherry, this is just exactly what I needed to hear. So if no one else is getting this just exactly what God wanted me to hear. This is so powerful. Um, okay, well, let me ask you, then, you know, going from this horrendous experience that you went through, what does your marriage look like now?
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Okay, well, wait, can I just talk about the divorce for one second, because I didn’t want to. I want to take that. No one, because I didn’t want the divorce. I’d read through God’s word to find out about divorce. And gosh, He grieves his heart. And the last thing I want to do is grief his heart.
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I’m sorry, we ran out of time, but it will be posted next Tuesday. So come back to hear the rest of Sherry’s story. I really want you to marinate on what was said in this episode. It’s powerful. So that is the homework. I hope that God just surprises you as you begin to dabble in understanding this. Now I had a hard time with this whole thing called the mission and the Bible scriptures that specifically talk about it i for years, I would literally ignore them. And this is a recent thing. I’m still learning and understanding it’s not easy to understand is it’s just hard. It’s just hard, you can go back to Episode 108. And hear my my story that’s kind of prepped me to receive this one. I would encourage you to go and listen to that if this kind of gets under your skin and you’re just like I just disagree with XY and Z. Maybe my story will mean something to you because my marriage went from a place that was good. But I knew there were big problems. At least I was discontent. I maybe I didn’t think that there were big problems because I just knew there was a discontentment. I knew it wasn’t the direction that God wanted me to go. So if you are listening to this, and you’re like, I just don’t, I’m not there. i This doesn’t reflect the way that I want to be as a person as a wife. Maybe my story will will make more matter to you. It’s called How to get him to do what you want, right? So if nothing else, go there just to listen to the title. Okay, God bless you. I’m praying for you. powerful message today and earn a really amazing finish tomorrow, I want you to, or sorry next, next Tuesday. So if you’ll come back to listen to that, praying for you, I love you. Bye bye.
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Thanks for joining. If you’ve been inspired by the show, would you help spread the word? If you take a moment to review and subscribe others can find us more easily. Find out how to delight your marriage.com forward slash iTunes. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion