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Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.

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I hate to admit it, I hate to admit it. But I truly believe that I am a recovering controller. I just want things to go the way I want them to go. And I’m just so scared that they might not go the way that I want them to go. I’m in a process. If you have listened to this podcast before, you know, we talk about intimacy in all forms in marriage physicals, spiritual, emotional intimacy. Today, we are talking about all of those. But this is the second half of a powerful interview by Sherry Jennings. If you haven’t listened to the first half, I really encourage you to go back and listen to it even before you listen to this one. Because it really sets up the stage for why we control and what God wants to do about that. What does that mean for our relationship with God, first and foremost? And then how does that matter to our marriage? And how do we need to change? So powerful second half, Sherry has got an unbelievable story. And let’s go ahead and dive in and hear insights.

1:43

Okay, well, let me ask you, then, you know, going from this horrendous experience that you went through, what does your marriage look like now?

1:55

Okay, well, wait, can I just talk about the divorce for one second, because I didn’t want it. That’s right. I was told that. No one because I didn’t want the divorce. I’d read through God’s word to find out about divorce. And gosh, He grieves his heart. And the last thing I want to do is grief his heart. And so but I did file for divorce, because in Connecticut, if he had driven drunk and killed someone, or Steven and I could lose the house, we could lose everything that’s gotten I had built. And so we did file and that maids got very angry, for whatever reason, because he knew that’s not what he wanted, really. And so he started to go to marriage counseling with me, which I can’t imagine the awkwardness there. Hi, girlfriend, I’m going to marriage counseling. Now, my goodness and issues a secular counselor. And I’ll just say, be careful where you get your your counsel and your wisdom from ended up. By the end of our five or six sessions. I was counseling her because she was going through her second divorce. Like, how are you doing this? Because this looks different than anything I’ve ever experienced. Wow, praise God, because her advice was share if you loosened up a little bit and party a little bit, he would need a girlfriend. Yeah, so be careful where you get your own counsel is Oh, my God. And so we had we had collectively agreed, though, that this would be the divorce date. And if unless he moved out his his girlfriend’s house and got a different job because they were working together. Oh, so that date came and he hadn’t done those things. But I really didn’t want to divorce because I really didn’t want to grieve God’s heart. So I postponed it. And that date was in August 2005. And I got to that point again, and he hadn’t made any changes. But I didn’t want to grieve. God didn’t want to do the divorce. So I postponed it again. And the last date was September 21 2005. And this time, although Scott had not changed a single part of his life, God just spoke really clearly to my heart and said, If you don’t let him go, I will not bring you the Christian husband I have for you. Oh, my goodness. And my prayer became, oh, I want that Christian husband. Please let it be Scott. Because I know you can do that because you did it for me.

4:10

Oh, my goodness. So, so beautiful. So

4:14

we divorced on September 21 2005. And that whole week he had threatened, gosh, all sorts of things, to kill himself to hurt himself to do and I just told him to go see his counselor. I loved him. I prayed for him. He was pulling out all the stops because he was incredibly manipulative. And we divorced that Wednesday. It was the worst day of my life. And he spent three days drinking. I spent three days crying but Friday night rolled around and he was supposed to come hang out with our son so I could go out with some girlfriends. And he called and said he couldn’t make it. And when I called back later that night, say goodnight to our son. We talked for a little bit and then apparently his girlfriend thought that they spent too much time on the phone, asked him Do you still love her. And a huge fight ensued and she kicked them out stuff on the lawn. They’re both drunk, throwing stuff out on lawn, she gave them a black guy. Wow. And he wanted to come home. And I wouldn’t let him because he was drunk. So he went to a local motel. Yeah. And his sister called him because he kept calling me and he was very angry. And eventually, I stopped answering the phone and let her speak to him. And she read through some of Isaiah with him. And he decided not to kill himself at night. Oh, my God decided to hop in his truck the following morning and come down to North Carolina to stay with her for a little while and sort of sort things out. And it was on the road on the way down, that he heard a pastor on the radio that was saying he didn’t hear the message. He has no idea who it was, it was somewhere in the Norfolk area. And he heard this guy on the radio, say if you’re at the bottom of your pit that you’ve dug with your own two hands, and you don’t need somebody throw you a rope, you need them to come in and rescue you. Pray with me. And Scott prayed with him this prayer of salvation and God lifted in that moment on highway. His desire for alcohol is the the burden and the hurt and the shame and the just the weight of all the muck he’d been carrying from his PTSD. And he felt he felt so much lighter. It took the anger to. And he saw more clearly how there could be hope, how I could be changing the way I had been changing. And got down to North Carolina. And he just he could see the hope God gave him the hope that our marriage could be redeemed. And so he started to pursue me. I went, you know, I allowed him to pursue me with great caution. This is what I wanted. And you know, sometimes God gives us what we want. And we are too astonished to believe it could be real. Uh huh. And so we walked through purpose driven life together today at a time first over email, then via phone. And I could hear that he was a different man that he was new creation in Christ. So we walked together through that a little bit more and then realized, okay, this is the Christian husband that you’ve promised me God, we’re not going to jump back into this. I’ve been listening to family life today on the radio. So I told Scott, please register for a weekend to remember just a weekend event for marriages. And there was one by the grace of God in in Philadelphia, which is sort of right in the middle for both of us. And he had a sister in Delaware. So we stayed with her, left her son with her while we went to that weekend, where we just got such magnificent tools and understanding of how we had broken our marriage. And we spent that weekend seeking and granting, extravagant, unbelievable giveness. And then learned how to rebuild our marriage, which really launched us in the right direction, with the right foundation to come together again and to remarry. So our marriage now we remarried were 11 years, just about 11 years past his salvation and our divorce. And we were married in 2007. He’s been sober since that call this very quickly, like three or four years in to start sharing our story, because it does give incredible hope. When incredible hope Yeah, when we release that the outcome. Like you mentioned earlier, we released that outcome and we just walk with Jesus. Yeah, it changes everything.

8:58

Ah, this is so good. I just can’t believe it. I have a couple of things I wanted to just underscore from the story just is so powerful. You were submitting to God’s leadership in your life. You left or you you you I think you made a move out so you weren’t allowing him to stay in the midst of everything we’ve just talked about submitting to God you had very strong boundaries. I’m interested in how you were able to grapple with that.

9:34

Honestly yep, I read that book boundaries in marriage. Yeah me 10 That was and I read that as a fairly new Christian so I’m learning all of this and and honestly it goes right back to First Peter three, that whole thing and you got to read it in the Amplified. I’m just going to say don’t don’t go the shorter route. There’s so much goodness in the Amplified Version that helps you establish those good boundaries. And and I had had incredible girlfriends reminding me not to compromise, because it would have been so easy to allow him to have access to me. Sexually intimately, and that time but that just would not have been healthy for either one of us physically, emotionally spiritually. So yeah, that that boundaries book and First Peter three, and Proverbs a day. I’m serious. I love proverbs. Yeah, just really helped me set those incredible boundaries.

10:33

Wow, wow, wow, wow, praise God. I love that your change your submission to God first and foremost and your confidence in following him releasing the outcome then caused your husband to become the man God wanted him to become? Am I right? Because that would happen,

10:56

essentially, yes, he’s on his own journey. And, you know, I’ll say to we, we, when we moved down here, we started counseling and walking with a woman whose outcome looks very different. And her path was very similar. But he her husband. They’ve been divorced now for a couple of years has not come back to for her. In fact, he’s remarried another woman, but she has a remarkable story. And her outcome is no less redemptive than my outcome.

11:30

Yeah, yep. That’s the thing about surrendering to God is that we’re not guaranteed the outcome. That’s, that’s what’s so scary about it, isn’t that?

11:40

And that’s why we control. Yeah, that’s

11:43

right. That’s exactly right. And we think that controlling is going to make the outcome work for us. When it’s actually undermining the very thing that God is wanting to do. I find it

11:55

settling for the crumbs under the table instead of the feast. Wow. Because we can’t even imagine our dream what He has for us when we hold it so closely.

12:10

I think that women fear, like, almost, um, I know this in my own heart, like, if I truly submit and it’s truly about what my husband, you know what God is dreaming for my husband’s leadership in our family? Doesn’t that threaten my own significance, my own ability to do something that matters in this life?

12:39

I think that’s a lie from the enemy. i Yeah, tide you I think, I think we don’t realize because of the culture that we live in. And because the enemy has started it in the garden, who are we kidding? Yeah. But he tells us that that we don’t realize that submission is the strongest position. When we surrender, it changes everything. And it does not take away our significance. It does not. And, gosh, I just think about the women that I talked to, or the women in our area and gosh, are my stories significant? Apart from Scott story? Yeah, and the work that I’ve done is, is mightily significant. Yeah. Because of the surrender. Yeah. Because it’s i and maybe it’s because it’s countercultural.

13:36

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and I’m actually to a place in my journey with this, that some of these questions I’m asking you, I’m, I’m, I’ve gotten a lot of peace about, but I know that those were the questions that I was, like, battling with that I couldn’t. What does this mean, if I’m not the, the strong willed, you know, leader that I’ve been raised to become from childhood that I’ve always presented as a leader in all these different ways. What does that mean? Like it wrestles with my identity? Does that make sense?

14:12

Sure, sure. And that just leads me back to where do we find our identity? You know, what are we using? We’re great leaders, but what are we using it for? And for so long? I was using it so much more for advancing the mission at work or advancing the cause at work. And gosh, my home is the most important mission I have. Yes, yeah. If I don’t get this right. Nothing else matters. Yes. Yes. And we forget that especially our stay at home moms who are raising incredible men and women for the future. You know, our homeschooling moms who are doing the same are working moms who lead their their children well come up under their husband. Well, I mean, gosh, we’re shaping the men and women of tomorrow, too. De. There’s nothing insignificant about that.

15:04

Right? Right. And when your home is in the right priority, everything’s easier. Everything’s so much simpler and you receive the cherish and love you desire as a wife, without having to control your husband, it’s it becomes something that he wants to do and, and the romance becomes there. I mean, I have found a complete transformation in the way I’ve changed myself. And originally, I thought it was all about sex. And now I’ve, I’ve recognized sex is very, very much important. And we’ve got plenty of shows to talk about that. But this is so foundational, this piece of submission and respect.

15:43

Yeah, when you’re less exhausted. The sex thing, we don’t have to stay there. Or you can read it, if you’re not ruling everything. Yes, gosh, it’s so much more relaxing. And gosh, we multitask enough. We have enough on our heads for controlling everything to give our husbands the opportunity to do what they’re created to do take those off your plate, take them off your to do list, and you’ll have a lot more energy for your husband and a lot more creativity. You will be more of what he needs in the bedroom for him sexually. And you’ll have a freedom because he’s taking care of you like he never has before. You’re trusting him more. Because how do you have? Honestly, how do you have good sex with somebody on trust? That’s so true. You trust him more? You desire him more? Because you see him rising up more as leader? As sexy?

16:35

Yes, it is. Yes, that’s exactly it. Yes. Yep. I have so many more questions that I need to get through. So we’ll go through these quickly. Because I know I told you I’d ask and I know our listeners want to hear. But if you could think the chief three things that have been central to your marital marital success, what would you say they are? Gosh,

16:58

I wrestled with this one, because I went to the practical but then I went to the so essentially what I came down to was knowing who I am. First and foremost, I am a beloved daughter of God. And second, I am Scott’s wife, I am his cheerleader. I am his helper, I am his supporter, I am his partner, I I am his I’m entrusted to him. And I’m Stephens mom. If I get those three, right, I can conquer the world, and I can help my husband conquer the world. Where I am, it would be the second thing. I’ve got to know where I am in this world, I have to realize that we are not on a cruise ship, that we are in a greater story than the one we see around us. We are in the midst of the most incredible romance God loves us. He romances our hearts. And that romance is set amidst a great battle over our hearts, because the enemy wants to take our hearts out. He wants to steal, kill and destroy. So recognizing those two things, and knowing the good that God is up to in my life, being able to go back through like we talked about in the beginning, our experiences growing up our experiences in our marriage, you know, everything that happens to us, knowing where God is in the midst of that, and the good that he’s up to, even if we don’t see it, because we’ve chosen to believe what the enemy is telling us. So those are the three things knowing who I am, where I am, and the good that God is up to in my life.

18:44

So good. So good. Knowing were narrow, knowing who I am, knowing where I am. And the good that God is up to in my life. And these obviously, yeah, we could get into such practical detail with this, but I love those guideposts. That’s phenomenal. Okay, so then we’ve talked about sex a little bit, but what’s the piece about advice tip about intimacy, physical intimacy that you wish maybe someone let you in on earlier.

19:09

I wish I knew that. I need to make more time for it. That it just totally breathes life into him that anyone else on the world can say, you know, you’re a great pastor, you’re a great counselor, you’re a great coach, you’re great. Whatever it is, your husband does, you’re great at your job. I’m the only one who can have sex with him and say, Honey, you rocked my world when you do that. Oh my gosh, you are the man. You know, and just encourage him with our words about him sexually about how he pleases you. Yeah, our words are powerful.

19:53

So true. That’s awesome. Yes. And I love that you said it mean it takes time. It’s just just takes time. Even even regardless of the act, regardless of how long that actually takes, it takes time to prepare yourself, your body, your, to feel into it, to feel energized to want to do this to make sure you have enough sleep and you’re eating well, I mean, there’s just, I love that. Make it a priority. Very good. Um, so then due to your specific marriage, what opportunities have you had to serve and get to know God?

20:22

Well, we I just feel incredibly blessed. We’ve been able to speak about just our story sharing from our story, and God has given us so many great opportunities to do that in our region. Where speakers for family life, we do the art of marriage, live events, where we get to travel all over the country and, and share so much of the practical truth in an incredible way that family life has put together for the art of marriage, and share our story. And just our story gives people permission to say, okay, yeah, somebody else is just people on stage are as jacked up as we are. Yeah. You know, they’ve been through the job. Yeah. So we can talk to them, maybe there’s hope for where we are. Yeah, they’ve come through it. So just being able to speak to large audiences to be able to counsel couples, one on one, to on to just, I’m, I am just, I’m speechless when I think about what God has done over the last 10 years with with our lives because we’ve let him

21:31

Yeah. And you took the Bible seriously.

21:34

We took I’m saying that first Peter three, rock your world

21:41

that is on my to do list. I hope that every wife out there has written that down to put it that’s our homework is to really meditate on that amflora. I’ll have it in the show notes. So if that and a proverb, a day step.

21:53

Today’s what I don’t know what today is, but whatever today is, that’s the day you read. Today’s the 22nd you read Proverbs 22. And there’s no shame or condemnation, if you don’t read it again till the 25th. Just read Proverbs 25.

22:07

Yeah. Okay. So is that the Bible of so for those women out there that really don’t have a habit with the Bible? What would you say she should do?

22:17

That’s where I started was when I got saved, that was one of the first things someone told me to do. And I’m so glad I did. Because it tells it goes through relationships. It tells me who I am. It tells me who God is, and how to deal with other people. Just practical wisdom, practical practical wisdom. Yeah.

22:39

That’s good. Okay, cool. Well, um, because I’ve actually it’s funny, because I was reading this morning and Hebrews and I’ve just gotten through, I was just kind of reading through the New Testament. So I got into Hebrews, and I’ve just, it’s just not as rich as it often is when I’m reading certain. So I think I might need to, to, to dig into proverbs again. And that seems like, it seems like the wise. You’re encouraged.

23:06

And you don’t have to, you don’t have to dig into the whole chapter. Just you know, I would pray and ask God give me one verse to take with me all day that will speak into situations with me today. And he never fails. You always gives me one or two.

23:23

And do you do it in the morning? I

23:26

do. I do that first thing in the morning?

23:28

Yeah. Yeah, me too. It just, it matters so much to everything else.

23:33

Exactly. You can tell if I haven’t done that.

23:37

That’s awesome. Yeah, very nice. Okay, so then, a book or program. You mentioned the art of marriage live, you do those events? But is there a specific book or program that you would specifically recommend maybe for a wife that is gone or is going through similar things that you have?

23:53

Gosh, there are so many books, I know so many really good books, power of a praying wife. That’s the one. It’s it’s filled with prayers. There’s a table of contents in the beginning. So you can choose the part of your marriage that you want to pray into your husband, whether it’s about his choices, his friends, whose sexuality whose mind is money, pick one eye, dog eared, probably a dozen in those early days. And I’d always pray the first prayer in the book, because it was for me, God, give my husband, a new wife and let it be me. Change me. And then I would go on to pray for him because I want to be changed first. And God moves on our prayer. So I pray out loud because our words move heaven and earth. So definitely, definitely power of a praying wife by storm, your margin. And then the family. life.com is an incredible resource. That weekend to remember is an incredible weekend away for couples where you don’t have to talk to another soul. It really is just about you and your husband. Yeah, your journey with Jesus.

25:03

That is so cool. That was

25:06

intentionally yours.org Because that’s where we, we’ve detailed a lot of our story and answered a lot of the questions that, you know, when you wake up in a fair, you know, when your spouse is having an affair, what do you do? Yeah,

25:19

yeah. Yah, yah, yah, yah. And I’ll have these on the show notes. So it’ll be easy for everyone to go get all these links. So if the last thing I’m going to ask you is if you could go back to year one in your marriage and sit yourself down, what is the one piece of advice that you would give

25:39

to you? This may not be what you want to hear, but I would lead me to Jesus, because boy, that would have saved us a lot of heartache, but then we wouldn’t have a great story to share. It’s true. So yeah, it starts with Jesus.

25:52

Yeah. And, you know, I always think about, I think it was the, the Mary Magdalene, who was a prostitute and, you know, was was lavishing her love on Jesus. And the disciples were like, Why are you You know, why is something about why, you know, why is she doing this? Why are you letting her touch you that kind of thing. And he’s like, you know, those who have been forgiven much love much. And that’s my story, too. I had had God not taken making me out of the depths of just the darkness the gross, terrible past, I wouldn’t be able to, I don’t think I would be able to recognize the depth of grace and mercy and love he’s lavished on me. So

26:35

that’s good.

26:38

Ah, okay. So I know that our audience will want to follow you and learn more. You’ve just, yeah, so intentionally gores.org? Is that where they should find you online?

26:50

They’ll find us and then our new ministry website, because I’d love for you to be able to share that too, is zoe.org. Oh, yeah. Can you spell the o weh.org.

27:00

Co weh.org? And can you just share a little bit of what you’ll be doing with that new ministry with the new mission? Well, one

27:09

of my strengths, and something I really enjoy doing is connecting women gathering women, so I will be doing the event planning for them. And we have several different. We have women’s events and men’s events and marriage events. And there’s an emphasis on outdoors also. So there’s golfing events and shooting events where they go hunting and stuff, which I don’t know much about all those man. My primary focus will be the women’s event and just helping to continue to craft it to be an event that just wraps women up in Jesus love. Yes.

27:48

Praise God. Well, I am so excited to hear about Zoe and what you’ll be doing there and everything that you are working on, I guess I want to encourage the listeners that, you know, the resources that she’s mentioned, if you can imagine, you know Sherry’s story and what she aligns herself with and how she pursues Jesus. And now to have these resources to, to go forward with, I would just encourage listeners to go for it to check those resources out. Because who knows what God might do on a weekend away? Who knows how God might change your husband, and yourself on on, on these different events, because those are the things that really change our lives to so often so. So yeah, so that’s just exciting. Well, Sherry, I just, I have personally incredibly benefited from this, and I’m sure the listeners have as well. Thank you so much.

28:38

Thank you for having me. I’ve so enjoyed talking to you, Bella.

28:45

Wow, what an awesome testimony that Sherry has. And if you’re anything like me, I hope that you were taking notes about what next steps to take. And again, it’s just so much about our relationship with Jesus, a proverbs a day, that really, you know, set your timer if you need to five minutes, 10 minutes at the most, it really is a quick shot in the arm of understanding what what it means to be wise and, and follow Jesus in this life follow what God wants us to be about. So yeah, that’s my, that’s my encouragement to you. Also, I would encourage you if this meant something to you, I would just say why not let it marinate for a while. You know, just just let this story I hope you listen to the first part to let the whole episode really marinate in your heart for a while and begin pursuing the Bible to a greater degree than you have in the past. Whatever that is, wherever you are now just just notch it up just a level. Again, if you haven’t done it at all, give yourself five minutes a day, set it on your phone, timer, five minutes, not a big deal. And just notch it up wherever you are. Then maybe a month from now. Why not listen to this part one and part two, total, it might take a little over an hour, and see what God wants to teach you through it. See if God hasn’t changed your perspectives, and hasn’t begun to transform your marriage in this. God bless you, I love you. I’m praying for you. And everything that you’re going through in your life is affected by your marriage. So I’m praying for that. I love you, and we’ll talk soon.

30:35

Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.

30:56

Hey, I have a quick note. If you have enjoyed Sherry’s story and her wisdom as I have, I would encourage you to go to delight your marriage.com and click on this show, and you can get to a link to support she and her husband with this life changing work that they are doing. They’re again, becoming missionaries on God’s on faith. So if you were blessed by this if you had an inkling that you want to partner with them in what they’re doing, whether your husband or wife or however you’ve been blessed by this, man, it takes a lot to to go with God and do what you feel he’s calling you to do. So check out that link and and commit to maybe a small donation every month. Why not? You know, it’s a small thing. But if it has blessed you and you can help bless others. You’re being God’s hands and feet, you’re being more like the arms and the elbows and helping them go and be God’s hands and feet if you can’t go empower someone else to go and if not a small donation one big time chunk donation. Be those arms that Jesus needs to get this word out. Okay? Just go to delete your marriage.com to find that link. Thanks.