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This is the 3rd installment of our Orgasm Series (click to check out the rest). For far too many women, orgasm is not a source of pleasure and joy it should be. Today’s show is talking candidly about how to orgasm, what it takes to orgasm, what can disrupt your orgasm and what you should focus on to orgasm. My guest Keelie Reason gives a great amount of insight and help and you don’t want to miss it, listen in!
Find out more about Keelie at iamthesextalklady.com and lovehopeadventure.com
Resources:
Heart of Tantric Sex – a book I’m reading that though I don’t agree with it spiritually, is giving some really unique and inspiring insights about sex that are refreshing.
Transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah rose.
0:18
Hello, and welcome to the new year. I am excited that you’re spending time with me on the dy M show. Thank you for joining. We did have one week off. So I hope that you had a nice break. But thank you for coming on back. So 2017, right, what is your focus? What are your priorities in the new year? Well, I encourage you to have sexual intimacy as one of your primary focuses in the first part of this year. I don’t know where you are with physical intimacy in your marriage. But I encourage you to make it a priority. To get to a greater level. Wherever you are, make sure you’re enjoying it, make sure you’re in including variety and increasing pleasure in your marriage. That’s what this series is all about a second Tuesday of every month. For a while now we’ve been doing this orgasm series, and we’ll be doing it for a while still. So come on back. But today I have a wonderful guest Keeley reason she’s going to be telling us about Female Orgasms. So listen in, we’ve got a lot, a lot of great information on this show. Also, unfortunately, we had a technical issue with parts of this audio. So between minute six and about 16. It’s kind of like a robot sound in there. So I’m really sorry about that. But you can go ahead either skip over that section or you might be able to kind of hear through it if you’d like. But it does end at about minute 16 Sorry about that. But let’s go ahead and dive into today’s interview
2:12
Hi there and welcome. Thank you so much for joining me. This is the delight your marriage Podcast. I’m belah rose and I’ve got Keeley reason on today again, welcome Keeley. Hi, so glad to be here. I’m glad to have you and we are talking about orgasms. So if you’re a listener that’s been with us for a while you know that we’re in a season really focused on female sexual pleasure and orgasm in particular. And I brought Keeley on again, because I wanted really to get her perspective and you know how women? You know, why is it difficult for them first and foremost, and how we can help them get to that place of really having a lot of enjoyment in the bedroom with your spouse. So I guess I kind of want to start that way, Keeley. You know, what has been your experience with women, you know, struggling with orgasm? Or why do you think they struggle?
3:09
Well, I would say that sometimes the biggest problem that women struggle with with or orgasming is maybe they’re putting too much emphasis on it. So it’s stressing them out and they don’t get there. Yeah, or a lot of times, it’s so much mental that they just aren’t giving themselves the permission to move around, make the noises, get in the positions or whatever that it requires. Because seriously, you kind of just have to be like, Alright, I’m probably gonna click a big idiot right now doing this. Yeah. But, you know, this is what you have to do to feel good. And I think sometimes women are so focused on looking sexy the entire time. Yeah. And so they they get outside of their minds, and they start looking at themselves and analyzing but what does my face look like right now? Well, probably it doesn’t look that attractive. All right. Because, I mean, have you ever seen a dog scratching its back? They look like so silly, but it feels good to them. So they do it. And so a woman goes, alright, this isn’t really feeling good, but I gotta keep on that sexy face. And I got to look sexy. So.
4:16
Right. Well, and I think you’re you’re onto something there. Absolutely. Because I think we just we try to visualize ourselves as we’re making love and almost like to the to what’s the purpose? What’s what’s even the purpose? And I would say, you know, I would say if you think that you’re looking sexy, or you’re wondering or you’re if you’re looking silly, we’re not in the bedroom some other time. Maybe you could ask your your husband and say, you know, what do you think I look like in sex? Do you think I look silly when I when I make faces or move around certain ways? And I bet I would bet you some money, some serious money that he would say Absolutely not. I think you’re incredibly attractive the way that you look in bed, don’t you?
5:05
I think I think most men would say this is a huge turn on to me when you are losing yourself so much in the pleasing you. Yes that you are making those noises your face it does look, you know, not like it normally does and might not be considered like, you know, the pouty duck sexy lips or whatever you see all over Instagram, but it is really endearing to your spouse.
5:31
Yes, exactly. Like you said, losing control, getting getting hot and bothered. I mean, getting to that place where only, you know, only pleasure is what you’re experiencing. And and I think that goes back to another place you said, orgasm is so mental. What did you mean by that?
5:52
Well, I think that you can talk yourself out of orgasm on a regular basis. Even if it starts feeling good to your body. If you get distracted. Yeah, man, it can kill it. Even if you’re doing all the right things. If you get distracted, if it’s like, oh my gosh, there’s this weird sound happening when our bodies go up against each other? Yeah, this sounds gross. Yeah, you lose. Or, or the phone rings, or kid and knocks on the door? Or? Or you get some contract? Yes. Like you. I’m not looking to track your progress. Like I’m plugged in right now. And it’s so true. Yeah, it’s like, this space is small, it’s so you can really only talk to your self at work. I mean, because as you start getting in your mind, this is an attraction. Right? You know, and it can be feeling good, but it’ll really wreck you. And for women, that’s honestly, it’s so much of what it is, is.
7:28
So, then what kind of wife do to get more? To be more in the moment? What do you think?
7:45
I think you have to sort of walk out every thing. You have to block gouge what does my husband think about me in this moment? Do I have to do to tomorrow, when I am at work? What are my kids think, right? Now are people here? hearing me, you just have to shut all that down. I guess it’s all in your mind and energy and attention on what’s actually happening with your clitoris. And that’s, that’s the truth of it, you just have to focus all your energy, right there. And when you your mind starts wandering, you need to focus sit back there. And so I actually suggest to women to get in front of a mirror and have sex with their spouse or, or to be naked in front of the mirror. They’re supposed to be being sex so that they got something that can act actually like recall. So that they can stay in the moment to become more aware rather than, like, I am totally, totally against Warren. I do not think you need to be working. Are there people have been to sex. There is a reason that people will record all those types of images during sexual and intimacy because it’s a rousing so how do you get around that and have that in a God honoring their marriage? Well, you Create that with your spouse. You create a test meaning just by getting in front of a mirror and see what is actually going on. And when you see yourself being sexy, like that. And yeah, it’s highly, supposing you’re gonna know why you’re surprised? Probably like, there is no way I’m never gonna be able to do that. Yes, you can. Just real quickly do that. And then you have something to record has sex, sexual experience with your spouse? You can go and visualize what it looks like. Right now. For us to have sex. Yeah, or for my husband to stimuli? Like me. If you can’t see what’s going on. So, if you can’t see what’s going on, open your eyes. And look down. See what? Around and instead of keeping your eyes closed the entire time?
11:38
Yeah. And also the the kind of choirs A, the lights have to be on, don’t they? Yeah, as you can see, can’t have the lights off under the covers and expect to be able to see something.
12:03
Oh my gosh, it’s so hot and sexy. I’m cover. Yes, now.
12:14
Literally. Not Not a fan? Yeah. That’s what he Yes. So interesting. Okay, so you’re saying that, like, getting those visual of yourself, and your husband is going to help you to be roused? More, is that right?
13:01
I think that’s true. It really is. And I think that I mean, women struggle with porn, they struggle with, with reading, reading, what we call poor, learn books, you know, these books are highly, highly erotic, and can cause them to have a very visual of what’s happening. The reason that we’re so trapped with that stuff, is because because it’s in our mind, mind, we need that visual visual effects even if we don’t have a clear picture. Even if we could just visit visualize what’s going on between us if we we’ve never really seen a net enemy air. That is very helpful. For two.
14:19
Yeah, and I it’s interesting. You know, I know. For me, it’s also very helpful, full to recall, kind of like you’re saying a whole different scenario where I found my husband, especially sex, see, like even healer likes to do the pull up bar. So there’s a pull up bar in the park that we go to all the time. And so I I just find him in friendly attractive when he is doing this pull up bar. Yeah. And that’s sometimes things that I bring to my mind or yeah, when I see, you know, certain certain contour cores of his back and his body that’s just it really evokes. And so I encourage, you know, some thing like that would what? What do you think, Keeley?
15:45
Absolutely, absolutely. And there are times. Man, you know, like so for me, I can visualize my husband’s face. Yeah, I can think about doing something really good. For me, I can think back to a period where I say we love to buy something that he did. And those things can be super helpful to us. I think that anytime you visualize picture, read whatever something sexual in nature, though it is going to arouse you. But that’s not the only part of attraction to your husband. So you think about how he’s cared for you, those features of his body that you really love? Yeah. And those things are super stimulating and help you keep your mind focused, right.
16:50
And that’s kind of what we’re talking about really is, is getting those visuals and those thoughts to focus your mind because like you said, there can be so many opportunities of distraction. But just because you’re distracted, doesn’t mean that you can’t bring your mind back to focus and be able to move towards orgasm. Is that right? What do you think feeling?
17:11
I think that’s so true. I mean, you need to make sure your environment is right, so that you can focus like overhead lights, I can’t take that mess. Like that’s going to distract me. If our phones are making a bunch of noises with notifications, it takes my mind away from that sexy place into oh, gosh, somebody needs me. Where’s the phone? You know, so? silence your phones, you know,
17:37
airplane mode lighting,
17:38
right? Something put it on Do Not Disturb? Yeah.
17:42
I mean, absolutely. If there’s any time in your life that you should not be disturbed is when you’re making love. That’s exactly. That’s absolutely true. And I like you know, even you said, with the kids, you know, the doors closed, you know, lock the door, make sure your kids know not to disturb you. This is this is private, you know, I don’t know if you want to say private time, but at least mommy and daddy time we’re having time to ourselves. You know, I remember talking to a woman who was really nervous about the sounds that she was making. And her kids being, you know, a room or two away. And one one technique that she used actually was to put a sound machine in the kids rooms. Yeah, either used a sound machine or like a fan. But either one would work, like, just get some sound in their room, so they can’t hear you in your room. Exactly. But I really hear what you’re saying to kind of put yourself kind of guard yourself around, you know, making sure that you can receive pleasure in kind of putting boundaries around to make sure you do that. So one thing we were talking about, though, as well was a lot about how to be aroused. And I wonder if we could talk even more about that. Like how, how does a wife become more aroused? In order to make love maybe beforehand, maybe during what do you think, Oh, I
19:06
think that it is going to totally depend on the woman as far as what kind of foreplay she needs. You know, a lot of women like to kiss and need to be kissing their spouse that is a way to get aroused by kissing your spouse. I think that a lot of times a husband wants to go directly and start touching his wife’s clitoris. And she’s like, whoa, buddy, I’m not there yet. And he doesn’t get it because for our guy, it’s like touch me right away. Yeah, grab me whatever women need to be warmed up a little bit more so if he’s going to be touching or he really needs to leave bonus fingers or give her time give her time to get to that place so that she is ready for it because too much too soon is going to overstimulate her and make it very hard for her to orgasm. Hmm. So You know what a wife needs to determine what do I need? Now? Does every wife need foreplay? No. I need very little foreplay. I’m just not the kind of person that likes to be touched a whole lot. So too much touching on my body. I’m like, Okay, I’m done. Stop rubbing that same part of my leg. I feel like, you know, I am certain that’s not every person. Yeah, I don’t like think touching me. Okay, at all. Like, I have a lot of sensitivity issues. So I’m like tags and clothing and little bitty strings. It’s all bothersome to
20:37
me. So okay, that’s fine. Yeah.
20:41
It’s important. Your wife? Yeah,
20:43
exactly. That’s, I think that’s a huge piece here. And, you know, I’ve done some reading recently, you and I were talking about of tantric sex. And so I’ll be incorporating, you know, little bits that I’m learning as I’m exploring that personally. But one thing that they really talk about is the pot law. I’m not going to go into it too deeply. But one thing they talk about is how important foreplay is for the breasts. It’s really important to stimulate the breasts specifically. And it’s funny because I’ve heard you know, foreplay, for foreplay. That’s, you know, a big one people talk about, but they don’t talk specifically what are what, what foreplay? Yeah. So the, it’s interesting because what tantric says is that the breasts are basically as important as the penises, the breasts, we need to be stimulating, fondling, kissing, sucking all that stuff, to then make the vagina respond and make, you know the clitoris become erect. And so. So yeah, so I know a lot of husbands listened to this podcast, I would say, focus on the breasts, like just try it to see if you can try it out. First and foremost, before you do anything else, you know, and don’t go straight to the areola, go to the outside first, gently, gently, gently massaging and then go for kisses and that kind of thing. In order to get her aroused, and you might be surprised, she might be surprised because it’s it. It’s just something that you like I said, like it’s I was even surprised about how helpful it was to really focus on the breast first and foremost, so might be something to try.
22:27
It’s gonna totally depend on the wife because some women breastplate feels like nothing to them. I’m one of those women. I wish I wasn’t.
22:35
Yeah, it doesn’t matter
22:37
what we’ve tried. Gotcha. But if you are a woman that responds well, to what you should, but even if you don’t feel much, I don’t know there is some kind of physiological response that happens with your vagina, it does get more swollen, even if you don’t feel it on your, on your breasts, even if the emotions aren’t like feeling super amazing to you. It can really cause you to be swollen.
23:01
Yeah, yeah. It’s interesting, I think, you know, part of it also is, during foreplay, as as wives I know, for me, I have to, I have to discipline my mind to be in the present moment, during foreplay, in fact, because sometimes, you know, I’m just like, well, we just need to start making love and get kind of get it over with, like, you know, there are times you know, where it’s just you just feel stretched on time, you don’t feel like you have the energy for it, or whatever. And you’re just like, let’s get this over with. But if you get into your body during foreplay, and you, you make yourself start focusing on where the touches are happening, where his hands are, where you know, exactly what’s going on, in your body. And that helps to focus your mind. So you’re not thinking about your grocery list, or your to do items or whatever, you’re instead really in the present moment, that that also helps stimulate and helps make the things that maybe were more one of my training site more or less satisfying, things that were less satisfying, are now suddenly like, Oh, I understand where that that feeling comes from. It was funny, my husband and I went on a date last night. And you know, as I’ve been thinking more and more about getting into my body and, and breathing and that kind of thing. You know, I was massaging him. And, you know, I’m learning to massage more based on what I like versus based on what he would like. And it’s a funny, it’s a it’s a, it’s a funny thing, but if you again from this this book, I’m reading about tantric sex. So if you focus on your own pleasure more, you actually end up pleasuring the other person even more. And as well as for massaging so so massaging is one of those things like If you figure out what what you like, and where your hands would feel good going, and where it would be kind of delicious to put your hands there, it actually makes a hit, you know, I found a knot that I have never found a knot. I don’t know how to massage, I just do it, you know, whatever, you know, but I found a knot and was like kind of playing with it and kind of rubbing it out. And my husband was like, Oh my gosh, that feels great. And I was like, I was just kind of doing what I wanted to do. And so, you know, sex is kind of the same way. If you focus on your own pleasure and what’s enjoyable to you. Suddenly, the whole act becomes more enjoyable.
25:40
Absolutely, I definitely think it’s great to take turns with focusing pleasure because for, you know, so for us, yeah, we have a very, very strict routine as in her nuts routine. I mean, I guess like thing where I am pleasured. First, he is pleasured last, because that is just what makes sense. So when it’s my turn to receive pleasure, he can put all of his attention on me, and I can receive it. And I don’t have to feel bad that I’m not doing anything for him. Because that’s my time. And then he gets at the end, I am going to all of my time and attention on him. And he doesn’t have to feel guilty about receiving pleasure from me. And he doesn’t have to feel like he’s having to do something for me. So if you get out of the mindset that we’re pleasing one another at the very same moment, that can be very helpful. Because it is impossible for me to please my husband and feel pleased at the same time. I’ve got to do one or the other. Yeah. Oh, I really like that. My 16 Nine is so overrated. It’s like, there is no way to give pleasure and focus on that and receive it in time for, at least for most women, men, probably very different. But yeah,
26:51
well, and that might be Yeah, I think men are very different in that way. Because I think you’re right, the men, you know, 69 is like a is a, you know, one of those things that men always whatever. But I think that that might be during His pleasing time that he might be rather, rather than your own pleasure. And I agree with you, I think, you know, and sometimes, yeah, I mean, the good thing about your intimate life is that it’s your intimate life. It’s your, it’s you, it’s you and your spouse. So this, you know, what we talk about on this podcast is as you know, to inspire you and encourage you to, to learn what’s what’s going to work for you what’s best for you. And also, you know, it also to try new things and try out new new ways of experiencing it. So. Yeah, so Okay, so we’ve got just a few minutes to finish chatting today. But I wanted to just kind of bring our focus back on orgasm. Specifically, there were maybe some tips that you had that, you know, were either helpful for you or have helped women that you know, have specifically about orgasm.
28:08
Yep, I’ve got actually a lot of tips that will help a woman because, you know, the thing about the clitoris is that it hides underneath of sort of this hood. I mean, there is just a skin that goes over top of it. I know God designed us that way so that we don’t get overly stimulated. But when we are aroused, and when we want it to be stimulated it it has to come out well before you get fully swollen and it starts kind of coming out on its own. You’ve got to help it get stimulated. And it has this unfortunate, you know, response to sort of retract so that it even kind of goes up even more in in under that hood. And so a woman has got to expose it. And she can do that so many ways. So I read over it from Sheila to love on our vacuum today. She says she suggests when squeeze their butt to get that right ankle because first of all, you’re contracting his muscles. So you’re putting more blood flow down there and you’re raising your hips back. But lifting your hips is so important. So, you know you can squeeze your butt you can arch your back. This is why in so many pictures, you see women arching their back for orgasm. That is because they are lifting that they’re lifting their clitoris up to the right position is what happens. You can purposefully lift your hips, a pillow is fine, but you’ve got to be squeezing muscles, whether you’re squeezing your butt muscles, your Kegel kegel muscles or your ad muscles. You’ve got to be squeezing muscles down there for tension. Hmm, yeah, that’s how you know thank you, but like this, you’re trying to pull your clitoris up because our bodies tend to rock back like our butts. I don’t know just we kind of tend to rock back and our clitoris disorder down, but you need to pull it up. So whether your husband is stimulating you with his mouth, his hands a sex toy, or having sex, yeah, you’ve got to pull it up, you can even take your fingers and open up the lips of your vagina and pull your clitoris back. And that is going to make a huge difference in what you feel. Hmm. And the other thing is that stimulation has got to be the right way. So if you, a lot of times a husband is going to go for too hard a stimulation, he doesn’t know he needs hard stimulation for himself. Yeah. So if he doesn’t understand a wife needs a lot of softer. Stimulation at first, whether it’s with fingers or mouth or intercourse or whatever, it’s got to be slower and softer, until she warms up, then she can go harder and faster. But sometimes too hard will kill it. Yeah, because you have got to be able to let your clitoris your clitoris is going to move on its own. It kind of does this thing where it goes in and out on its own. It’s just like something a reaction to your body. So if your husband is pressing too hard on that it can’t move, meaning it’s going to kill your orgasm. So what I say is that a wife should tell her husband to stop moving, stop moving his hands, his mouth, his body or whatever. And then she should get into a position that feels good for herself and move on or on whatever it is he’s using to please her in sort of a licking set kind of motion. So you think of it like you’re licking an ice cream cone, you start at the bottom you like to the top, you break, you go back to the bottom, you’re not doing a back and forth type of thing. So if a woman will do that with her clitoris, where she starts at the bottom of whatever is being used to stimulate her body, fingers, mouth, toys, whatever. She goes from the bottom up, then she breaks contact, goes back down to the bottom goes back up that kind of thing. That can really help her to get aroused. And she might find she can orgasm that way. Or she might find that it gets her to a place where she can start moving around more and feels good. And yeah, I mean, I like
32:25
that you said so. So just to clarify, you said the as if you’re looking like an ice cream cone. So back to the bottom, and then break contact back to the bottom and go back up
32:35
there. Yeah. And eventually she might get to a point where she wants to keep contact the entire time. But for women to keep fruit because one of the things that happens with women and orgasm is it’s feeling great, and then all of a sudden it’s overstimulating, because she got there too quickly. So if you start getting to a place where you’ve gotten there too quickly, you do kind of have to stop and break contact, let yourself rest, and then go back. This is actually one of the techniques to have multiple orgasms. Because if you break, like after you’ve orgasm, if you stop doing everything, let your body rest for, you know, a couple of seconds or something that you have a place to start from. But if you start at the top, where do you go from there? So you you know what I mean?
33:25
That’s so true. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, I love the break. I love the break. Suggestion too, because I think, you know, sometimes you get really, really close, and then you have to take a break, and then that actually pushes you over the edge to then be able to go back into it and start again. So that’s so helpful. These are great. Do you have more?
33:48
Um, well, I would say that a wife should not be afraid to move around. Because what happened, what worked today may not work tomorrow. And so you need to try different things. I find that a woman needs to put tension on her clitoris, which means so if your husband were to be stimulating you with his fingers or his mouth or something, you should lean back. I mean, even if you got on your knees and arched your back, that would pull your clitoris up where it needs to be put the tension on it and allows you to squeeze the muscles so that you can orgasm. If you’re having sex, a lot of women like on top for that reason. I’ve never been able to make that work, mainly because it’s just too stimulating to my spouse. So for a wife, a husband is gonna have to work he’s gonna have to keep from orgasming before she does so that can be the real Yeah,
34:48
the husband wants to Yeah, exactly.
34:50
Because what feels really awesome to her might feel really awesome to him. So he’s got to figure out how do I keep from moving while I stimulate her. You See what I’m saying. But definitely bending back and pulling tension on your clitoris, whether you’re using your fingers and pulling it up yourself, you’re leaning back, you’re, you know, putting getting on your knees and leaning backwards or just, I don’t know, standing and leaning back, try a lot of different positions. So if it’s not working for you consider something else. And another good position for women is to be on top, like if doing oral, or if their husband is doing fingers or something, if they’re on their hands and knees. That can help you too, because it allows you to move your hips in the right kind of motion. So for women, it’s not a up and down motion, as much as it is a like I said, like a circular kind of a licking sort of motion. Yeah. If you think of it like that, it might help. Yeah,
36:02
well, and, um, just let me just understand you said position on top, during oral or using fingers, do you mean that the wife is standing up, or?
36:13
Well, I mean, a wife could be on her hands and knees straddling her husband’s face, okay, or she’d be on her hands and knees, and her husband could be behind her using fingers or in front of her or whatever. I mean, obviously, you gotta work out the mechanics for your body and your spouse. Standing up is also another good position for women, because it puts the husband in the right angle, what you’re trying to do is get the right angle on your clitoris. And since every woman is different, and their clitoris is going to hit at a different place, if you were standing and your husband was kneeling in front of you, that would actually be a good way to get the angles. Right.
36:55
Gotcha. That is that would be
36:57
hard to do a sex. So obviously, you know, women are can either orgasm through both sex and direct stimulation, or maybe some are just doing direct stimulation. Some are just doing, you know, through intercourse, whatever, but just try to master at least one. Yeah, because if you master one, you will have a better chance of orgasm in different positions. But don’t be upset or sad. If you can only manage to orgasm in one position. Yeah.
37:29
What would you say to her? I mean, do you think she can change that?
37:35
Absolutely. I think that you can change how you orgasm. I think that you got to you got to be careful, though. And this is one of the reasons why people are against sex toys. Or, and I’m not I think a vibrator can be very helpful to a woman. I think there are sex aids that can help a couple in their intimacy with one another. And that’s one of them. But I don’t know that a woman should rely on a vibrator every single time she orgasms, because then she just trains her body that that’s the only way to do it. Yeah. And so I would suggest to a woman to figure out one way to orgasm. And once she’s got that down, then start figuring out other ways. Because one, it just increases your, your overall pleasure. And it allows you to have multiples. Yeah. And it just, it’s more fun. You know,
38:32
and you know, I’ve even read, scientifically speaking, when, when you use only sex toys, and I agree with you, I think that you know, it can be a support and it can be helpful. But when you use just sex toys, what it does is it doesn’t have that plateau stage. So where your clitoris and the labia is and everything gets swollen with blood, that’s actually important. That’s an important part in the orgasm. So you’re on that plateau stage for a while before you orgasm when you use either your hands or your husband’s hands or, you know, however you orgasm directly with sex as well. But But yes, that plateau stage is actually very important for your body’s health, that you need to have that plateau stage and sex toys kind of skips past that and you go straight into orgasm quickly. So anyway, just to note if If a wife is out there and has ever felt, you know, oh my gosh, I’m so turned on but I can’t orgasm and you know you’re in that space for a while. That’s actually important. That’s an important part that your body needs for Yeah, for our health. So
39:44
it’s great to to build up. Yeah, and it’s okay if when you start having sex with your spouse that everything isn’t feeling good right away. I mean, that’s it. That’s pretty normal. Whereas for men, it’s different. Okay, by the time a man gets inside of his wife, he is already stimulated. A wife, though can start having sex not stimulated. And that’s okay. Because what it does is it allows her to get stimulated by her husband. During that process, once you reach his climax, she probably has a better chance of climaxing again, because she didn’t start at the very top, like you were saying with a sex toy or something like that. Yeah. And I don’t know that it’s also just really helpful mentally, to go to that place. And I think you should be putting your sexual attention on your spouse doing these things with you and for you, and but yeah, mastering one way is definitely important. Yeah, yeah. And then you move on.
40:53
Yeah. Yeah. And I like that you say mastering because it’s, it’s a process, it’s not easy to learn your body and figure out how you need to work and tick and that kind of thing. So I guess I’m probably a last thought, if you have one for maybe an encouragement for wife that has an orgasm to be for? What would you say to her,
41:15
I would say that you have got to be really open and honest with your spouse, Don’t fake it. Yeah. Be honest with your spouse, and let your spouse know, if you feel disappointed by this, it’s okay to feel disappointed that you’re struggling in this area that you haven’t figured out orgasm. But then at the same time, don’t stress so much about it. Because too much stress is going to keep you from getting there. Yeah, but really focus on tuning into your body, not just during sex. But always, if you will focus your mind on the things that are bothering you like so instead of saying, when you’re hungry, I’m going to ignore this. You’re teaching yourself your brain to ignore your body signals. And this actually carries over into, you know, your sex life. Because if you’re constantly saying, I have to go to the bathroom, but I’m just gonna ignore this, or I’m really hungry. If you’re not taking care of your basic needs. You kind of desensitize yourself to that. And so start there, start with, I’m really going to pay attention to what’s happening in my body right now. What does my body need? And then I’m going to give it to it. And so when I’m having sex with my spouse, it really carries over to that.
42:32
Yeah, it really does. I think that’s very important. So yeah, focus in on your body. I mean, it’s full circle from even how we began the conversation is, I mean, orgasm is your body responding. And so you need to focus in on that. So I love that. Well, Kelly, you have been so delightful. This has been so helpful. tell our listeners where they can follow you online because you have a great resource some lots of resources on your website.
43:01
I do I have two websites love hub adventurer.com. And then I also blog it I am the sex talk lady.com. And the reason I have both of these is I am able to talk much more openly about sexual words and sexual things on I am the sex talk lady, I’m not as confined on that website. As I am in love of adventure, but love of adventure, I talk a lot about general marriage advice plus intimacy advice, and then you know, just some general lifestyle. But those are my two main sites.
43:38
Awesome. Awesome. Okay, well, definitely check her out. And thanks again, Kelly, this has been great.
43:44
I appreciate it.
43:49
So you know what your homework is to take your notes from today’s podcast and try it out. Really get to a place where you feel confident and comfortable. And try these things out to be focused in on your body and master at least one way of orgasming and it’ll probably take a while. But don’t give up hope. I really believe that every woman has the potential to orgasm in it. And it’s just a process and the nice thing is you get to learn with your spouse the the most the safest person that you can though the one that loves you till the end. So maybe get him to listen to this podcast. You can talk about it together, and then try out these things. Alright, well, God bless you. I love you. I hope that you will move forward and be inspired in your intimacy today. We’ll talk next Tuesday. Bye.
44:46
Thanks for joining. If you’ve been inspired by this show, would you help spread the word? If you take a moment to review and subscribe others can find us more easily. Find out how to delight your marriage.com Ford slash iTunes Until next time live with love wisdom and passion