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If you’ve ever felt like you were the only one not experiencing the ecstasies of sex, you are not alone. I’ve been there and at least 1/4 of women don’t experience orgasm. BUT they can. And today we’re talking about how and tips to get you there. It is probably a process but there’s a lot of information that will help you get there on this show. Listen in.
What You’ll Discover:
- How women can feel like failures when they can’t orgasm, that’s not how they should feel.
- How women have as much erectile tissue as men and how women are wired down there.
- How men can help their wives achieve orgasm.
- What you can do TODAY to help you get there.
Learn more about Bonny at oysterbed7.com
Resources:
Love,
Belah
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Transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah rose.
0:19
Hello, and welcome. Thank you for joining me. I’m glad you’re here. I’m not sure if you’ve heard the dy M show before. But just a little bit about our format. The first Tuesday of the month, I do a solo show about intimacy. In marriage. Second, Tuesday of the month, I interview a wife for intimacy expert on intimacy, you are in the middle of our orgasm series. So that’s the topical interview for today. And then the third and fourth Tuesday’s of the month, I interview a wife about her journey. So we talked about the struggles in her marriage and what has really been difficult to overcome. And what brought her through and what she learned through that. So those are golden interviews, there’s just so much that we can learn from wives that have been there. So yeah, that’s the show. And I’m glad you’re here. Like I said, today we are focused in on orgasm, and specifically the pre orgasmic wife. Now, I’ve been there. And that’s a really hard place to be it, it feels very, like you’re not good enough. And like you, you don’t know your own body. And maybe it’s broken because you can’t enjoy sex like everyone else seems to be. And I just want to say you’re not broken, you’re not at all. And there’s hope for you to find out and really get get to a place where you can experience orgasm and even multiple orgasms and, and sex becomes this really wonderful experience for you. There is absolutely hope for that. And today we’re really focusing in on insights and advice around that. So let’s dive in
2:12
All right, welcome back to let your marriage listener, I am excited that you’re here we are talking about orgasm yet again, female orgasm, and I’m excited to have Bonnie burns with me. Welcome, Bonnie.
2:25
Thank you. I’m so happy to be here. Well,
2:28
and this is Bonnie second time on the podcast. And if you haven’t yet heard Bonnie’s story, I encourage you to go back and listen to it Bonnie’s got a great story. So just go to delight your marriage.com you can search for Bonnie and it’ll come right up. But Bonnie blogs and is you know, is a writer and she’s you know, talked a lot about sex and orgasm and she’s got a really great, you know, lots of resources about it. So I really wanted to have Bonnie on to talk about female orgasm. And you know, I guess what made you Bonnie starts to write about female orgasm, what interested you in that?
3:09
Well, my specific niche is to minister to the low libido wife. And so if you’re not able to achieve orgasm, you know, there’s just limited so aside from wanting to connect with your husband, there’s not a lot of motivation, maybe to you know, to to engage in the marriage bed. So that was that was my motivation was to help the low libido wife who is an orgasmic who’s never had an orgasm, so that she could to could find the pleasure and therefore understand what the big deal is about sexual intimacy and why her husband probably has much more much bigger Dr. than her.
4:01
Yeah. Yeah, no, I think that’s, that’s really important. And so, you know, when you talk to women who have a low libido and they haven’t had an orgasm, you know, what, what kind of encouragement do you give them? You know,
4:19
oh, you know, um, I do get emails. I’ve only really spoken with a few women out loud about it because it’s just, you know, it’s it’s sensitive. It’s got a stigma attached to it and it’s, it’s just hard and it hurts. I think it really hurts. That hurts their hearts. They feel like maybe a little little bit like their failures and they’re not they’re not but what I what I tell them is to first take stock of your life, you know, take stock of where you are spiritually, take stock of where you are emotionally, and take stock of your physical health and that’s the easiest place To start really is your physical health. It’s pretty out there. It’s not as subtle as your emotional and spiritual well being. But if you haven’t seen a gynecologist in a while, go do that. If you haven’t had your hormones checked and you think maybe you’re have some low testosterone, have your hormones checked. Just a little bit of testosterone can really, and depending on the woman, testosterone doesn’t help everybody. But I personally, I’ve found that it does help me and just a little bit can change a really negative attitude to Okay, kind of attitude. So it’s not it’s not like a Viagra. You know, where it’s just this, this huge attitude change, but it is a subtle shift, and it does help. But
5:51
can I ask you about that? Just before you’re on so. So would your doctors prescribe testosterone?
5:59
So I go to its I go to a nurse practitioner who uses a compounding pharmacy because I use bio identical hormones. And I’ve been on them for about 10 years. And I’ve had the only side effect I’ve had was I was using too much testosterone and I had cysts cysts are one of the side effects of testosterone. So I just I just cut my dose in half. And now I have no skin problems at all. But yes, I if you are interested in learning about bioidentical hormones, my suggestion is that you would call a compounding pharmacy in your area, because it’s the compounding pharmacist that makes the bio identical hormones. And they will know who prescribes bioidentical hormones by who they’re compounding for. Hmm. So it’s kind of you know, working backwards. And then so I did that. And the man gave me like three or four names and then I Google searched all of them and found the one I thought would be the right fit for me. And that’s how I teamed up with Tabitha. So
7:19
and did Tabitha take your hormone levels? And she found that you were low in testosterone? Is that how it was?
7:24
She did? Yeah. That my particular there’s a controversy whether blood draw and and doing serum levels through your blood or doing serum levels through your sputum. Saliva testing. Okay. There’s a controversy over which is best. I did the saliva test and what it entails spitting, for lack of a more gentle spitting into a test tube four times during one day, and it’s usually on a specific date. If you’re still a fertile woman and ovulating. It’s usually on a specific day. And I can’t remember what day that was. Because that’s the optimum because within a fertile woman, your hormones fluctuate through the month. Got it? Yeah. So yes, so so she did that set it off, and found that my ratio was off. But and she also said that if I had had a blood draw, and they’d looked at my numbers through the blood, it that they would have looked normal. But really what it is, is you want to look at the ratio of testosterone to progesterone to estrogen. So I have but I have really high estrogen. So I needed more testosterone to balance.
8:45
Mm hmm. And did she say, I mean, is there? I don’t know. Are there other you know, foods and things that provide? Yeah, sir.
8:55
You know, um, off the top of my head, I you know, I’ve done a lot of blogging about things you can eat things that are aphrodisiacs I’ve done and then what I do is I take so oysters for example, so I did I took the oyster and I investigated it and found it was very high in zinc. And zinc in turn creates testosterone. So pomegranate juice is also one that has studies that are definitely positive for increasing testosterone. I mean, I have a blog post about that too. Yeah, there there are. There are things you can eat and naturally increase your testosterone and not take you know, the supplements.
9:41
And Bonnie maybe you can send me those. Those shirts and I’ll I’ll post them so people can get to them easy.
9:47
I absolutely will.
9:50
Cool. Okay, so so back to kind of I liked how you talked about for women. You know, without being able to orgasm, their heart feels hurt. And I remember for a few years or a couple of years, at least, that feeling of feeling of fear, failure, feeling like I wasn’t who I should be as a woman because I couldn’t experience orgasm. You know, and and I guess I really liked that you are saying that she’s not a failure? I mean, what? What else? Would you kind of say to her?
10:27
Absolutely not. You know, we all have skills. Some of us can throw a ball really well. And some of us can’t. And I think that kind of goes to orgasm. Some of us it’s easier for some of us, and it’s not as easy for others. And that’s not to say you can’t because I think that most women can I just ran across a study where a woman who had had a spinal cord injury, learned to orgasm. Wow. Yeah. So I mean, she couldn’t she didn’t have feeling from her breasts downward. I’m not sure what techniques she used. But it said that with this, she she went to the lab for 312 minutes sessions different on different days, and she orgasm six times. Oh, my gosh. So I Yeah. So I think women have the potential to orgasm, and they just don’t realize how much potential they have. Yeah,
11:27
yeah. And I’ve heard plenty of experts who’ve said that all women can and I, I say that because I think too many of us are, uh, you know, we, we hear most and we’re like, Well, I’m in that, you know, five percentage that can’t do it. So I’m not even going to try. And I just, I just, I just want to kind of, you know, bite that in the in the bud and say that that’s not that’s what does that pick nip that NiP? There’s no biting. But yeah, I mean, I just, I just think that it’s it’s just so vital for, for you to to get there to go through the process of investigating spoilers. So let’s talk about that even as specific as we can. What, what would be a process for a wife to go through to get there?
12:20
Well, I think, for me, yeah, I started doing some investigation in the physical structure of our, our clitoris and our vaginal walls. And I just wanted to know, how does it all happen? You know, so, as I was doing research, I found out that we have just as much erectile tissue surrounding our vagina and clitoris as the size of a penis. So we have as much erectile tissue as a man does. And then to backtrack, when God knit us together in the womb, and we, you know, we start to become a little human, there’s a point where we are neither male nor female. And that’s about it. So, you know, that’s up until about seven weeks of development. And so between seven and nine weeks, then this tissue either becomes a female or male. But if you think about it, then we’re all starting from the same tissue. That means that we have just as much orgasmic capability as Amanda’s because he was developed from the same tissue. We were does that does that make sense? Yes, yes. So we have we have just as much erectile tissue down there. And the thing is, with erectile tissue, it’s it fills with blood. And it is that engorgement that helps oxygenate our nerves down there and turn the nerves you know, make that divine spark. So in in knowing that there’s so much erectile tissue down there, it becomes really important foreplay becomes really important because it’s helping that tissue become excited and and fill with blood and, and have that just that you know, that pleasurable sensation.
14:34
Yeah. So when we say foreplay, you know, what if a wife is listening is like, yeah, yeah, I get that, you know, I get that foreplay is supposed to be helpful, but it really doesn’t help me. I mean, what if that’s kind of her response that you know that some of that stuff doesn’t really turn me on?
14:54
Right? Well, I think then she may need to do some self extra fluoridation and I know that’s probably a really sensitive thing to say for some or for some people to hear. Because it gets into the whole issue of masturbation. But I think that if you are an an orgasmic woman who is truly seeking out, finding or orgasm, yeah, that it’s okay. God will honor you for trying to honor your marriage bed. I you know, it’s it can only strengthen your marriage. It’s in it’s okay. You just have to give yourself permission if masturbation is kind of a, you know, taboo thing for you. You have to give yourself permission that this really isn’t masturbation. It’s more research. Yeah.
15:50
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yep.
15:54
But it’s exploring. It’s, you know, I have a little booklet coming out soon about orgasm. It’s called unlock your orgasm. And within it, I talked about all these anatomical structures and things, but I’m cool. And I forget where it’s going.
16:12
Now. That’s okay. You were so we were talking about self exploration? And.
16:18
Right, so So to begin the self exploration, I kind of do a guided tour of your genitals, and only 25% of women actually look at their genitals. Yes, when you really Yes, and you need to be need to be surveying things down there. Because there could Bulevar cancer and other kinds of health issues, you need to kind of make sure things are looking good. But in the booklet I kind of discuss what you see on the outside, and then what what’s on the inside, you know, where those erectile tissues are? And what they do. Yeah.
17:06
Yeah. And I kind of feel, you know, in terms of masturbation and self exploration, and I feel like, yes, ideally, it would, you know, maybe ideally for you, it’d be like, well, I’d like to have that. I would like to do that with my husband, and maybe that would be a great thing, but maybe, maybe you just need some time to kind of explore yourself and understand what, what these things feel like, what are different, different areas that feel different ways and different movements that feel certain ways? Because sometimes it’s just too much pressure to have him, you know, they’re with you. And, you know, just too much expectation for you to be able to do this right,
17:57
right. Yes, yes. Oh, a woman has to have a really safe environment and a safe environment has no expectations. So, so I would suggest taking a bath. You know, just light some candles, put on some music, take a bath. And either in the bathtub or outside of the bathtub with a mirror, you know, kind of check things out, see where things are. Have a glass of wine, depending on how you feel about alcohol, just one just and that’s just for relaxation. And figure out what feels good, where things are. And go from there.
18:46
Yeah, yeah. You know, I like that you said a woman has to have a safe space. I know it took me with my husband a some time for me to feel really safe in sex and but it was so helpful when I did get to a place of real safety and I think the way I would kind of describe safety is like when I felt really confident that he loved my body really confident that that I could be myself and that you know, some of the insecurities I had was you know that I was kind of gross my body just was not desirable and especially my my genitals was not a desirable part of me and it took a while for me to really feel that that was it was in fact the absolute opposite to my husband. incredibly positive thing for him and I you know, there’s loads of husbands that listen in to though this is focused on wives you know, for a husband just as much as you can to help your wife to really know how much you value her in every area of her body, I just think, you know, that’s so important. And I just think that as much as you can to make her feel safe and intimacy and as little as rejection as possible, and you know, to know that you’re dealing with her heart every single time you talk about sex, or you have sex, you’re dealing with this every, it’s her heart, it’s just the most sensitive part of her that you’re dealing with when you talk about sex. So just be very careful.
20:33
And, you know, the best way to create a safe environment and your bedroom is to use the fruit of the Spirit, which is to employ, you know, love, joy, peace, patience, he’s going to have to have a lot of patience and kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness to because I ran across another study that says, Men, their tactile response, you know, when they touch things, and when people touch them, they are not as sensitive as female skin. Yes. So it a man has to be intentional attend. A man has to be intentional, with his touch, yeah, to be very, very, very gentle. And then that goes on to self control. But anyways, all of that’s just a little uneasy way to know how to create a safe environment.
21:35
Yeah, I really appreciate that. Because you’re absolutely right. I mean, those are incredible turn ons. You know, the spirit, I mean, the gentleness like that is such a key to a woman’s orgasm is a man’s gentle touch, like such a key.
21:55
And he has to be able to be coached. And as an as a wife is more confident with her own body and what feels good. And he has to be able to accept coaching and have no defensive reactions or, you know, to take it well, and in the manner.
22:20
Yes, exactly. Right. Because he needs to recognize even how hard it is for a wife to say what feels good, or what doesn’t I read that a lot of courage. And yes, a wife really, it is important for you to have that courage, because Because to get there to feel, to feel the orgasm in your marriage, you know, with your partner, you do need to be able to tell him what feels good and where you want him to touch you and what you want to do.
22:55
Exactly. And two other you know, I’ve mentioned her spiritual health and our physical health or emotional health, if there’s been any kind of sexual pollution, I call it, that’s my general term for any kind of abuse or promiscuity from the past. Just any kind of negative sexual experience outside of the marriage. If she’s dealing with any of those, it would probably be really good to see a therapist. That kind of baggage can totally affect your ability to relax during during the sexual encounter. So that’s just
23:41
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that’s, that’s definitely important. to, to, to deal with that to deal with what’s maybe what’s happened or what’s been done to you. That’s
23:55
right. Because I think we carry around a lot of shame. And the shame permeates all of us how we feel about our body and how we feel about sex with our husbands. It’s just the shame. And it doesn’t need to be there because there’s no condemnation for those in Christ. The Holy Spirit He convicts us of our sin, but he never shames us and Jesus, when he was dealing with the with the adulterous woman. He never shamed her. He was gentle. And he told her to send no more but he didn’t tell her how stupid she was for doing it. You know, he didn’t shame her. So
24:35
yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I think that I mean, a definitely has a piece. I think another piece that is, you know, can really affect a woman’s orgasm is how how she was raised with sex. You know what it was? Like even, you know, by, I don’t know, osmosis or something you’ve been influenced by your parents sex life, if they had a positive, positive sex life, then then you probably have a much more positive view of sex than someone who didn’t and, and how they taught you about it or didn’t teach you,
25:22
right? Or even taught you about your own body image, you know, good girls, good girl sit with her knees together and good girls don’t touch down there and that kind of thing. That can. Yeah, that can affect how you feel about your body.
25:37
Yeah, yeah. Well, let’s talk a little bit about, you know, in in the act, let’s say, you know, she’s done some self exploration, she knows what feels good. What are some things that she can do practically? Either while she’s having sex, or manual stimulation? Or those kinds of things? Maybe what are some options that she has? You know, the
26:05
best thing to do and it is so simple. Is your Kegel exercises, strengthening your pelvic floor? Really, there’s I mean, there’s studies I actually just post put a post up about key goals as well. And then and then a self experiment. I can say, Yes, it’s true. Consistent key goals I maybe four or five times a day. It filters over into your orgasm. Yeah. Even your even your libido.
26:39
Yeah, that’s great. You know, I need to remember that you are so right. That yeah,
26:44
and it’s easy. Yeah, it’s
26:45
invisible. Yeah, no one knows.
26:48
No one knows that checkout lady doesn’t know what you’re doing.
26:52
You know, so I told you before our call, I just hurt my feet. And I’ve got to go to physical therapy twice a week. And their physical therapy gave me these exercises that I have to do on my feet. And I have not done them for two days. Now. I haven’t done them. And it wasn’t until today that I remembered that they some study, I read that if you link a habit to a habit you already do. It’s much more effective. So I linked my exercise habit to when I before I leave work, because you know, I work from home. Yeah, at a friend’s house i i Before I leave her house, I do my feet exercises. So then I make sure I do them every day. So why not do that with key goals? Maybe you do it well, or brushing your teeth in the morning? And at night. So then it’s twice a day every day? Yes
27:45
or no? And then, you know, after you go to the bathroom every day, there you
27:49
go. Yeah, you were so right. That’s a good one.
27:53
But it’s easy, it’s so easy. Other things is to during during the act, if you can manage to relax your spine, and elongate. Imagine a ribbon. Being a ribbon going from the top of your head to the bottom of your spine and that it’s just being gently pulled. That’s probably too much to think about while you’re engaged. But if you can just imagine, you know, lengthening your spine and relaxing and then I’m also read to kind of smile. Or at least open your mouth a little bit. Don’t hold your breath. Yeah. Other Oh, and then some bladder half full? Is another tip. Some some women it helps some woman doesn’t. So it just depends on the woman but
28:47
rather than empty.
28:48
Is that what other than empty, right and not not super full. But you know, a half full bladder and then of course, urinate right after sexual intimacy so that you can flush out any microbes.
29:01
Yeah, yeah, yeah. To avoid UTIs right. Yeah.
29:05
I don’t want those. Yeah, they’re terrible. Talk about Yeah, that’s blocked. Right. Now, other things other roadblocks are medications you may be taking. If you’re on birth control pills, certain antidepressants. SSRIs are notoriously bad for your sex life. You can do some other if you have another option. That’s good. blood pressure medicine, opioids, narcotics. They’re bad orgasm makes you feel really good but not good for orgasm being well hydrated and lots of lots of lubrication, coconut oil. But drinking a lot of water through the day to help your natural lubrication is good.
29:58
Is that right? So it does it It influenced orgasm to
30:02
I think just having a lot of lubrication helps with the erectile tissue friction. So in a way, I mean, it is a direct correlation.
30:16
Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. Well, what about? So what about movements that she can do? Or, you know, ways that ways that maybe, you know, you know, if she’s thinking well, I’m doing I must be doing something wrong because we’ve tried a bunch of different ways and it’s not working.
30:39
Well, just depends on the woman really now. The, the, they call it the Ring of Fire, it’s that ring around your vaginal opening. To have your husband manipulate at that point. Sometimes that is a, you know, can kind of boost get you there. And then there’s, there’s, of course, they call it the g spot, but really what the g spot is, is where your your urethral sponge, which is an erectile tissue touches the top of your vagina. That that area if he can make if you can manage to find a position that’s good for friction on that area. That can help. Mm hmm.
31:37
So So I really like you know, thinking about orgasm in a way of there’s really no right way or wrong way to orgasm. Oh, no, you know,
31:52
there’s no there’s no premier way. There’s like there’s the vaginal orgasm versus the clitoral orgasm. I don’t know if you’ve heard Freud’s theory that the bads floor orgasm is for the much more mature woman. No, no. The different orgasm sensations come because there are three different nerves at work down there. So the clitoral nerve? I can’t remember all the nerves what they’re called. But yeah, you know, they’re their work. So yeah, there’s everyone. orgasms are different. And they’re going to feel different for everybody. So you just have to experiment.
32:32
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I’m trying to think of some other just helpful. You know, encouragement for the wife that isn’t there yet.
32:49
She is just pre orgasmic. Yeah, it doesn’t mean she’s not orgasmic. It means she just hasn’t had it yet. And one day, she’s gonna be post orgasmic. Yeah, it’s just, it’s, it’s just that particular woman’s place of growth. Yeah, you know, as you start, if you really are pursuing your orgasm, it’s going to take some work. And, you know, and pray about it. Oh, yes. Don’t, don’t be shy to pray about it. You know, God, God wants us to bring everything to him. And if it’s burdening you, he wants to know about it.
33:32
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. God wants to know about it, he wants to help you with it. He wants to help you with your sex life. He wants it to be all that it’s that he made it to be something to unify you and your spouse. And this is a huge thing, that that God can bring you into. So oh, I wanted to go back to, you know, something we were just talking about in terms of no right way, no wrong way. And, you know, we shouldn’t be thinking about one, one way of orgasm being is more important than another or better than another. I also kind of want to encourage those husbands that may be listening as just because she might be using her hand or not specifically using your penis doesn’t mean that that, you know, she’s having an orgasm with you that I mean, yeah, you are absolutely part of the entire experience. And once you there, I mean, it’s still her wanting you sexually in every way. Right?
34:37
You know, it’s it’s a low percentage of women that can orgasm, only through vaginal penetration. Most women need out side clitoral stimulation to actually get there. Some can, but most of us can’t. Yeah, so, you know, don’t think that making love is only You know, the penis inserted in and that’s how the orgasm happens. No, that’s not the only way to make love. And that’s not the only way to reach an orgasm. So yes, you’re absolutely right.
35:11
Yeah. Yeah. No, I think it’s I think it’s just a very important thing because I, I think too many men just think that, you know, maybe they’re, they’ve been polluted by pornography and you know, our whole society has so unfortunately, you know, yeah, you’ve experienced women faking it all the time. Yeah, it’s just not reality. Women’s bodies are not, you know, are not don’t function. The way pornography portrays them to. And and clitoral, or just like you said, the clitoris has to be stimulated almost, almost most most of the time. To to orgasm to get there. Yeah, I definitely just want to drive that home that, you know, I think men have a lot of insecurity about how or if their wife orgasms, if they’re able to please her. And, and,
36:12
and really, women should have the choice of not orgasm. You know, if I mean, I totally respect the woman who wants to, yes, experience that. But you know, maybe it’s been a long day and you want to be with him. And, but it’s just too much to try to get totally there. So, you know, it’s a quickie? Yeah, yeah. And that’s okay. That’s okay. But but a woman should have the choice to either orgasm or not. And I think that’s where our pre orgasmic women are striving to get there. Yeah. Yeah. To have that choice.
36:53
Right. Right. And, um, you know, I think the other thing I would I would add to, to this is, I think the pre orgasmic woman really needs to be willing to, to learn. You know, I know I read a book called The Illusive orgasm. And it’s not a Christian book, but it was really helpful. It was one of those. Just just one of those books that has like little sections that you write in, and oh, yeah, it was just so helpful. There were just different unique questions that they asked. I remember, you know, asking like, you know, what parts of your partner turns you on and things like that. Yeah, you kind of need to explore that. Yeah. Yeah, to get there. And I just, I found that book. I’ll have it linked in the show notes. But
37:48
yeah, that that was really I need to read that one, too. It was
37:52
a really good one. It’s definitely one that I lend out a lot to.
37:58
wedding present.
38:00
It’s funny, because it wasn’t until like, maybe my third friend told me she was like, you know, you wrote in this. I was like, wow, you know, me much better now.
38:15
We’re really good friends.
38:18
Maybe I’m inspired. Um, but yeah, I mean, I would just,
38:24
you’re right, though, you have to think outside of the box. It’s not all about physical stuff. It’s, you know, it’s, it’s the entire atmosphere of your marriage and your relationship with your husband, that affect your orgasm. But But don’t be afraid to think outside of the box.
38:40
Yeah, yep. Yep. Yep. And, you know, one thing also I’ll add is different images of my husband that over the years I have just picked up as super sexy. And that will a lot of times get me over the edge. And it’s just just having like, mental pictures of him in your mind or experiences of times where you just felt so loved and cherished and cared for. And husbands Believe it or not, that will often make her orgasms. So yes, right dance with her in the kitchen and take care of the kids for her and bring her wine unexpectedly and you know, get absolutely, like those things really matter. In sex. Right?
39:27
Yes, I think reaching an orgasm. For the husbands. It’s the 8010 10 rule. It’s like 80% your relationship 10% Your technique, and I forget what the other 10% is, but
39:42
something else that’s not as important as your relationship.
39:48
Yes, there it is.
39:50
Well, we didn’t need the rest of that. Whatever we got 90% At least
39:56
80% Let’s get the other 10 is up really fast.
39:59
Maybe unique to each couple anyway.
40:02
You probably
40:03
That’s right. But you’re right I mean, that’s just that’s that’s vital. I’m, I just love going back to what you said about the the gifts, the fruits of the Spirit. You know love joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, self control, there might be another one thrown in there. I’m not sure if I remembered the verse correctly.
40:22
There’s mine. Someone? Yeah,
40:26
um, but yeah, I mean, that’s what that’s I mean ultimately that’s it’s so funny that God has made our sex life so intertwined with our spiritual life. It’s just
40:38
Yes, yes, absolutely it’s okay, it’s 80% your relationship 10% Her body’s physical sensitivity. And 10% His love making technique?
40:50
Hmm. I like that. Yes. So, spend most of your time on the relationship? Vast majority. And? Yeah, the rest. I like that. Okay, well, I guess, you know, to wrap up, is there anything else? Do you want to just kind of, you know, maybe a last, you know, yes. Yes. Last little
41:16
thought is, try not to be so serious about it. You know, I think lovemaking really is for couples to be playful. And just I know, when it does hurt your heart, it is easy to be so serious and you know, downtrodden. But maybe like I I’ve heard stories where parents or couples have tried to become parents for years and years. To no avail. They adopt a baby. And then they’re pregnant.
41:48
Oh, gosh. It’s through. Yes. Yes. I
41:51
think it’s because they adopted AB they forget worrying about they forget it. They don’t. They’re not worrying about it. Yeah. And they’re their stress has been lifted. And although there’s new stresses with becoming parents, but at least stress of becoming pregnant is lifted. So I think that’s the same thing with an orgasm, you know, just somehow lighten up.
42:13
Yeah, that’s a great point. That’s, I love that. I think. I think that’s a great way to end this because
42:21
one way to laugh, find a way to laugh.
42:23
Enjoy it. That’s what it’s about. Yeah. Lighten up. Okay. Well, awesome. Well, Bonnie, where can we find you and follow you online?
42:32
You can find me at oyster bed seven.com. And on February 14, Bella, I don’t even know if I told you this. Okay, three other bloggers and I are have joined forces to start our own little podcast. Oh, that’s exciting. Yes. So J apart, holy and humorous. Gay of calm, healthy, sexy. Yeah. And Chris, of the forgiven wife and I are doing a podcast and it’s called a sex chat for Christian wives. Wow, that
43:08
sounds so fun. So
43:10
we will also, you know, be sharing your resources. And is we’re all in this ministry together. So so.
43:21
And I’ve had all of those ladies on the podcast, and they’re all phenomenal. So go over and check out this podcast. How fun.
43:28
Oh, yeah. So we’ll have to have you on for as a guest. Oh, I’d love that. I would. So you can find me? Yeah, so you can find me at oyster bed. seven.com. It’s got all my social media links there. I post once a week. I try to post once a week there. I’m back in school now. So I’ve got a little less time. But and then sex chat for Christian wives.com.
43:54
Okay, sex chat for Christian wise, but Oh, the other thing to clarify is oyster Bed number seven. So
44:00
it’s number seven. Yes. Number seven.
44:03
Okay, well, Bonnie, thank you. Again, this has been awesome. I love it.
44:07
Thanks, belah. It’s so good to talk to you.
44:13
Well, I hope that you have gotten some encouragement and perspective and hope out of this podcast that you can get there that you are going to get there that you will orgasm and it just is a process of discovering yourself discovering your body, but you will get there and I do encourage you to check out the other orgasm series that I’ve already done. We’ve already done four I think so definitely go to delight your marriage calm and you can just click on the topics and one of the buttons will will come down about sexual intimacy and then you can go from there to orgasm. So, just so you know, if you’ve never been to delight your marriage.com There’s you can click on topics and you can look at all the topics that we’ve covered. And and kind of scroll through there. Also you can look at the resources you can find my book delight your husband were really focuses on getting a wife from a place of maybe insecurity and, and not knowing very much about her husband and his desires and his mind and even his body and getting her to a place where she’s confident and able to be pursued and pursue in the bedroom and, and feel totally sexy in that space and understand it fully. So I’d love for you to check that out. But otherwise, we’ve got a great show for you next Tuesday. Again, that’s the journey interview where I’ll be interviewing a wife about what she’s been through and next week is really a wonderful, encouraging story about a wife who served her husband through some serious health issues and what she’s learned through it and how she’s continuing on through that. So yes, so again, thank you for joining me today. I encourage you do your work Eagles this week. And join me back next week. God bless you love you, and we’ll talk soon.
46:20
Thanks for listening. If you’ve