Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

How to enjoy sex as a woman. We as women have so much going on. So many commitments and responsibilities.

For women its a slow process to transition from life to intimacy. (For men, not so much). For us, its slow and it should be. Its an opening. Its a releasing. Its a being invited into her divinely orchestrated womanhood.

 

What does it feel like to be in touch of your body? Why does touch matter? Being in your body. Being attentive to the touch of your body will help you enjoy making love. I explain what I mean and how you can do this practically.

 

I give you some centering practices that will move you into a centering place where you can receive and be fully with the love making experience.

Letting yourself experience it all. What to do when your mind wanders. What if there is whole other way of experiencing sex than you and your husband have tried–and it is a more spiritual experience that you might have imagined.

Touch outside the body, but what are you feeling on the inside of your Ressa. Not your clitorous, but your inner Ressa. I’ll be talking more about experiencing that pleasure on this podcast.

 

Homework:

• What kind of touches do you want from your husband?
• Game plan: write out exactly what you want to say.
• Make love in a slow, intentionally receiving way.

 

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host belah. Rose.

0:20
Okay, welcome back. This is Bella, I’m grateful you’re joining me, for the body series, we have been through a good amount already, I encourage you, if you are just dropping in, go ahead and listen to episodes one through four. Because this is really a series that’s building on top of each other. So if you’re interested in this particular podcast, I would encourage you to actually go back and listen to the other ones. Because it might not all make sense unless you have it in the context of the full breadth of the series. Essentially, this is a course for free. So it’s kind of something that I wanted, at some point to turn into a course I probably still will, when God gives me the more bandwidth to be able to do that. But for now, if you want to just hang in and you know, dig in and do the work, I give you homework every single week, you can get to a place of freedom with your body. And today we’re talking about what that means in sex. How? How does this kind of translate into your sex life being better? Right? Because delight your marriage, we talk about physical intimacy, it’s to encourage that in your marriage, it’s just so important. So let’s talk about how you as a woman can enjoy sex. What does it mean to enjoy sex as a woman? Well, you probably knew this, we’re wired very differently than men sex is a very different experience for women than it is for men. For men, they first of all think that women are just like them. So probably, if your husband hasn’t had some really good, you know, sex education through maybe my resources or other Christian resources or whatever, he probably thinks that you want him to go straight to your ReSSA straight to your breasts, and ignore all the rest. And you probably don’t agree. The truth is the woman’s body is set up very differently than a man’s. She is not one that gets turned on. And, you know, blood flowing and swelling, just because you touch her ReSSA it’s, it’s a slow process. It’s, it’s a opening, it’s like a flower. Right? We as women, we slowly blossom, we’re not, you know, you don’t pry US Open and expect that to be pleasurable for us. And so, the biggest sex organ for a woman is her skin. That’s where it all starts. Well truly, for a woman. You know, it starts really way before that in terms of the way you treat her and giving her all the things that make her happy and enjoying life with her and dates and all those special things right. But when it comes to actually the sex act, it’s her skin, that is the ticket. It’s understanding that her skin deserves just gentle, gentle touch. Because that’s her body, that’s what moves the blood. That’s what makes her begin to open up this gentle, gentle touching, starting from really really non sensitive areas of the body. And then slowly getting to the sensitive areas of the body. And when I say starting from I just mean you’re you know start with a finger tips and work your way towards the shoulders and the chest and then go back out to the other arm of the fingertips and just you know it’s this it is rubbing but it’s very, very gentle so light that it’s almost like you’re barely touching her skin. And so much so that that’s the same way that you you know, go down her back and her bud and her legs and all the way down to her feet and you’re just kind of going up and down her whole body with this really light touching and and you know just adoring the beauty of her body and telling her how gorgeous all the little areas are in her curves and your favorite parts. And these are that that’s the kind of experience that that causes her to feel just to melt, to melt in love with you to know that all these areas of her body are, are so

5:21
precious to you, they’re so precious to you, I think that’s probably the word that I would use that she would desire to be, to have felt that, that her body is so precious to you that you would take the time to be so gentle, so soft, so patient. And so just just joining enjoying a woman’s body, it, it doesn’t, it doesn’t deserve to be handled rough, and you know all about the man. Because that’s how it makes her feel, you know, it’s all about, you know, getting in and getting out and, you know, getting that orgasm, and that’s all that matters. Instead, it’s this, you know, beauty, it’s ballet, you know, it’s it’s just, it’s not the, you know, gyrating and you know, club music, it’s like, beauty and relaxing and all that. Certainly, there’s all different kinds of sexual experiences you could and should be having with your husband, there’s, you know, really great sex life is great variety. It’s great, different things that make it fun and make it exciting, I don’t want you to think that there’s only one way to make love. But valuing your body, a woman’s body is a huge part of enjoying sexuality. And I kind of spent all that time describing what it’s like, for a husband to be doing that to his wife. One that maybe if you’re a wife, you’re welcome to have your husband listen to that section. And you can be like, so belah kind of said, What I’m hoping we can try and, and then, you know, maybe that’ll be a positive conversation you guys can have in a positive experience you can have. But also, I think as a woman, we don’t often know what we like, we just, we are not in touch with our bodies. And that’s easy to do. Because we’ve got a million things going on, we’re often you know, we’re working, we’ve got kids or we got responsibilities or commitments. And there’s just a ton of other things that keep us in our head and not in our body. And so if you start to slowly, you know, get in touch with it, what does it feel to have your hands slowly, just touching your arm, like maybe just do that with me right now of like, put one hand on your arm and just rub up to the shoulder and back down to your fingertips. But when I say rub, like very, very lightly Gray’s, that’s a better word graze, and just feel what does it feel like, on your arm? And certainly, it always feels different when it’s you versus someone else touching you. But understanding that touch will help you to get inside your body as a woman. And I think this is such a cool part of foreplay is that, you know, women don’t transition as fast as men do into lovemaking zone. I don’t know if that’s, you know, on every area of life, maybe probably not. But in terms of lovemaking, we’ve got a lot on our minds, and sex is not sex is often not one of them. And so when we are transitioning into lovemaking, we need to go from Busy, busy, busy mind, mind, mind, into body into relaxing into enjoying. And so the touch of your body causes you to start to tune into what you’re feeling. What is the body doing right now?

9:10
What is the touch doing? Where is your hand on your body? So as a woman, you can start to experiment with that, what does it feel like on your body? Right, so that could be on your leg or on your arms. And that even might be a practice that practice that can kind of start centering you in preparation for making love. Something where you are Kind of grounding yourself in just breathing into where you’re, you know, where you’re touching on your body. I’m not even saying sexual touching. I’m just saying, for example, your arm just coming back to your body. You’re getting away from the mind and turning your focus and attention into your body. And breathing into that breathing into that and when I say breathing into that Just pretend that that breath isn’t going into your lungs, but it’s going into that area of your body that that your attention is going. And you’ll be surprised how different it feels like, I have no idea if there’s any scientific reasoning behind that, but you’d be surprised that the breath actually really activates a lot of feeling just because you’re, you’re intentional about breathing into that area. Until that kind of grounds you and the foreplay is another piece, while your husband’s touching you. You know that being something that you’re just, you know, letting yourself experience and always be keeping that communication open, that you can enjoy touch in different ways each time. And, you know, that’s always something interesting for him to learn and to not be offended by that a lot of times what you want touched at different places at different times and lovemaking is going to be different, and that’s okay. But, but yeah, touch, it’s just, that’s what we, as women are experiencing sex as this as our skin touching skin. And then when it comes inside you, I think we’ve been sold this lie that orgasm is just about the clitoris. And I have been confused about it for a long time. And I’m, you know, at some point gonna, I don’t know when I’ll have the bandwidth for this. So it might be a long time from now. But we’ll see what God does. Anyway, there’s more exploration to be done. But God made your entire ReSSA very, very sensitive, and very, very pleasurable, if you take the time to enjoy it. So if you’re fast, and you’re like, bam, bam, bam, you know, in and out, in and out, in and out, you will not have that experience. Unless, you know, certainly, like I said, there are experiences where that’s awesome. And that will be amazingly pleasurable and all that stuff. But then I think the contrast of that with this slow, intentional, you know, skin on skin experience, is a different whole experience. And it gives you this, as a woman, often this this fuller. Just kind of It can even become a spiritual experience is was really, really cool. I’ve been reading up on tantric sex, which is cool, just again with the Christian lens. But you know, I wouldn’t, you know, say go read up on it necessarily, unless that’s something you want to kind of understand more. But there’s this idea that I’m finding really, really cool. And it’s this idea of the male is, you know, his power, I guess is the way to say it, the magnetic power is in his member, right, that’s thrusting, that’s moving forward. And they call that positive energy. And the woman is receiving in her ReSSA, she’s right receiving Him into her essence, she’s receiving Him, him. And so that they call negative, like, pooling kind of a thing. And he’s pushing, she’s pulling kind of a, like a magnet going together. And then that’s the, that’s that area going forward. And then the breasts of the woman is a positive force. Like her, her breasts being her emotions, her heart, all of that being the positive

13:54
energy power, and then his chest being the receiving power of that strength that supporting that’s holding her kind of thing. So it’s a very interesting idea of this dynamic in your body of this energy and this magnetism. The reason I bring that up is because I have found that when you are really intentional about feeling what’s going on inside your vagina inside of your ReSSA rather than only the clitoris on the outside, which makes great orgasms. Not you know, don’t get me wrong, but what about what’s going on inside there’s also different orgasms that happen inside, which is really amazing. But if you only think they can happen outside then you think that the inside of the vagina has no purpose and you know, just get it over with honey. But if you get it that there’s their stuff going on inside to enjoy and that there’s this whole energy going on. It’s a very, very cool I will say that when you get that understanding, and you start to just put your focus on what’s going on inside and slow it all down. I mean, slow it down, so that you as the wife, you try it, just try it that you are in charge tonight, you are going to be the one that’s guiding him in and out. And that you can be the one that stops things all the sudden, and you just want to feel right there, right where it is. And then slowly, maybe an inch, you know, not inch, like a millimeter closer out or whatever, but just be willing to experience it just as it is. And interesting. In the book, she said that people often women can have these spiritual experiences, and their spouse is like, even like, getting soft, it’s just, it’s just that that magnetic, that’s the power, the energy. And it’s interesting, you know, because it’s so funny, because a lot of times, science catches up way later than intuitive understandings about life. So, so are, are ways that we discover it outside of science. So that’s why I just encourage you, regardless of whether or not our scientific understanding support this, I have actually found that to be true that I could be having a spiritual sexual experience, and my husband is totally far away from that, like, he’s not engaged in that spiritual interaction, necessarily, and that’s fine. So recognize that there’s so much more to sex than you have any idea. I feel like that, I feel like that, you know, there’s a lot more to be enjoyed. So getting in your body, stop being the other person in the room, looking at your body, but getting in touch with how your body’s feeling, what is the touch of your body, whether it’s outside, touch, inside, touch, touch, what does your body feel? What’s going on with your body. And, you know, I used to think like, the biggest thing I needed to do was meditate I met, I do meditate, but And that’s good. It’s like, I’ve a very short, five minute a day practice at this point. But it’s helpful. It really is. And, you know, I think about if you want to try that, I’ll just say a moment, but five minutes, I set a timer each morning, shortly after I wake up. And I tried to just focus on my breath coming in breath coming out breath. And then. And then when my mind wanders, I say the word Alba for God, and then slowly come back to just look at my just to focus on my breath. And it’s just a space to calm my mind, call my heart. And there’s tons of benefits for meditation. But one of them is that it’s easier to focus. It helps your ability to focus. So anyway, I used to think that my mind wandering during sex was just an issue of me needing to learn to focus more and great, that’s part of it, yes, meditation will help that. But what I’m learning now is that it also is about focusing on something specific. And it’s helpful to focus on something new. So as there’s new sensations, that’s cool to start putting your focus on. So rather than, you know, trying to push away the thoughts that are distracting, really try to put your mind on the the areas of your body that are being touched, you know, consider, you know, what

18:55
does it feel like, like, sometimes when my body body mind wanders, I’ll like start putting my hands on my husband. And that starts helping me like, come back to the present and start feel like what does that feel like? And that puts me back in my body. And then I can kind of zoom in on the areas inside my body that are feeling certain ways. So again, it’s all about valuing and recognizing and focusing on the touch of your body. Alright, so. So, homework for this week, is to go ahead and journal about what kinds of touches would you want? And so that’s the first one. What kind of touches would you want from your husband? And number two is to put a game plan together so that you can go ahead and talk to him about this. And when I say gameplan I just mean probably write out exactly what you would say. And it doesn’t have to be anything fancy doesn’t have to be any kind of acute action. accusation Are you never or you don’t, or I wish you would. But whatever you can just say, Honey, I would like to try x, sometime, it would really turn me on. And that would be a great way of describing something you’d like to try. And you don’t have to give him the big long list in one sitting, you can just give him that one, you know, little teaser of, Hey, babe, I was thinking about it. And I would really love to try whatever you feel that is going to be on your list. And that might take a little bit of researching Christian sexual websites, feel free to go to my, my website, and you can search all of the different shows, I’ve had interviews, you could go to a solo show, or you could get a show types and click on journey interviews. And there’s tons of really great sex sites that are specifically for Christian Christians. And they would give you tons of resources. So I’m sure you could research a little bit and think about examples of things you might want. Specifically your husband to touch you and and that kind of thing. So you know, otherwise, journal about whatever else might have come up for you during this podcast and what you can do about it. Don’t forget to make love this week, at least once.

21:32
Okay, well, I hope that this has inspired you to realize that sex is not just about him. It’s not just about his member, that intimacy can make you feel wonderful. Can you make you feel really enjoy, enjoyable and joyful? I know that’s not a word. But sometimes we use that word in this house. And I love it. Enjoy awful. Shouldn’t that be a word? I’m all about creating new words as you can tell, but anyway, um, yeah. Your sexual intimacy can be full of joy. Physically, your body can feel relaxed and intimacy. You know, that’s a key key piece is to feel relaxed. Again, as I talked about last week, receiving, receiving Him into your essence. And focusing on what’s happening in your body. What kind of pleasure is happening? What are the sensations inside your ReSSA? Well, next week, we are going to be talking about being released in your body. So that’s also very important. So I’m looking forward to going to part six of the body series. God bless you do your homework, right. Make love. Slow it down. Focus on touch. Feel free to go more than once more than twice more than three times just connect, get unified with your man. It’s godly. It’s holy. It’s good. We will talk next week. Bye.

23:24
Thanks for joining. If you’ve been inspired by this show, would you help spread the word? If you take a moment to review and subscribe others can find us more easily. Find out how to delight your marriage.com forward slash iTunes. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion