Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

What do you want your marriage to look like? Is it at the level of the connection and depth of love that you desire? If not, what does it look like? And the follow up question is what you can do to change it?

We cannot change what we do not notice. I encourage you to take stock of your intimacy which is your husband’s fuel of your connection. How often are you making love and how are you making it a priority in your life? It often isn’t as easy as it sounds, but I have some tips and encouragement that will help.

When you make love to him, you are loving him the way that he receives love. So, to realize your connection goals, I encourage you to make that a strategy.

If you feel far off from where you want  to be in your marriage, my husband has a prayer for you at the end.

Love you and be encouraged this week!

——–

Be intentional about the spice of your sex life:

I’ve released the first 3 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.

I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course!

Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 3rd part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.

 

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.

0:18
Hi, and welcome. This is Bella. Now I’m just wondering where you are in your life, if you are feeling really loved and fulfilled, and close to your spouse close to God. Or maybe you’re feeling some strife and tension between you and your husband. And there’s just difficulty and there’s just a lot of pain there. Maybe, or maybe it’s just distance that you’re not close. And you really want that connection that you feel you’re missing. Today, I wanted to give you some time to consider where you are. And also where you want to be. I think a lot of times, we don’t take the time to really establish where we want to go in life. And so I’m a big journaler I don’t know if you have a journal or just just grab a I don’t know $1 at the dollar store journal, you know, where you can write out what you want your marriage to look like. And start jotting out some things you can do to make your marriage look that way. Now, this is delight your marriage podcast. And if you’ve been here before, you know that we talk about physical intimacy all the time. Because truly, I think it’s that important to a marriage having the depth of connection that a marriage is supposed to have. And so quick plug for the seduction course, because that’s the course I’m currently releasing. Right now, it’s the lowest price that it will ever be. So I encourage you to get it at this point. Because otherwise it’s going to be going up next week. So ultimately, this course is about how to have steamy hot, exciting intimacy in your marriage steps A, B and C, I really go into how to do this practically, with specificity that I really don’t think is appropriate in public way like a podcast or a website. But in the privacy of course, I just speak plainly with you about why certain words for example, are okay when it’s the exclusivity of your communication with your husband how to make each other get turned on how to have experiences that are unique and fun and exciting and, and why certain things are required to have hot steamy intimacy. And I talk about all of that. And I give lots and lots and lots of very specific, very practical examples for you to implement. The reason I think this is important to talk about as we’re talking about goals, and, you know, discussing how you can get more connected with your spouse is because if you don’t have a vibrant sex life, that is a huge part of what’s missing. Now, I don’t know if it’s the only thing that’s missing, but it’s definitely a huge part. So wherever you are, in that, you know spectrum, if this isn’t something that’s a consistent part of your weekly life, it really has to be. And as a woman who doesn’t have as high of a drive as my husband, I recognize the value of it, I recognize how important it is to our marriage. And so I prioritize that and it becomes so much more fun and more exciting and more exhilarating, the more intentional I am about seduction and exciting hot intimacy, and I like it more myself. So if you’re a woman like me, who’s kind of in that situation, where your husband wants it all the time, and you’re like, I would just like to read a book.

4:38
Recognize that there is such value and prioritizing that above so many other things in your life and making sure that you keep that at the forefront as priority. And so what I think is really important is to give yourself a goal. Once again talking about goals. Give yourself a goal of how many times you want to have sex every week. And maybe that doesn’t sound sexual, sexy, and exciting to you. Or if there’s husbands listening, you know, tune this out for a couple minutes. But as a woman, we often have to will ourselves to make love before our body gets engaged. Does that make sense? We actually, a lot of times, for the most of us, not every encounter, but a lot of times, we have to make the choice that we’re going to feel aroused, that we’re going to engage in intimacy, we have to make that choice before it will ever happen physically in our bodies. So with that in mind, when you kind of have this mental timeframe going on your head of like, okay, I know my husband has a higher drive than me, what does that mean? Practically? How often are we going to make love every week? So if you have that figured out, then you can plan accordingly. So I always suggest that you have a conversation with your husband to say, you know, ideally, how many times a week would you like to be making love. And depending on what he says, you can then respond with, ideally how much you would like to be making love, and have that honest conversation. Because if you don’t know, you won’t have the chance to.

6:50
to kind of be a an informed decision maker, because if you don’t know how often he really desires it, to connect with you, then it’s really hard for you to decide, okay, that’s, that’s way too much. Or that’s, you know, however you feel like responding. Because the thing is, and I say this all the time, and I say to my my book and courses, but he feels love through sex, he feels your love, your intimacy, your connection, he’s literally flooded with oxytocin, when you make love, that’s his connection to you, is through the sexual act. And so when he’s desiring to make love to you, it’s not just because he’s a man, and you should ignore that drive. Because, you know, our society thinks it’s funny. It’s not I mean, as much as you know, I just laughed about it. But the truth is, it is the desire of a man’s heart. And it’s not something to disrespect. But it is something to honor and to recognize as something that’s valid, that He desires that because physically, he is created to desire that to crave that to desire and crave your sexual touch and your intimacy. So have that conversation with him. So let’s say he says every single day, and let’s say you say, I would prefer maybe once every two to three weeks. So now you’re recognizing there’s a big disparity. So what are you going to do about it? Maybe that ends up looking like two to three times a week. Right? So then if you’re, if you look at it like that, then as as a woman, you’re thinking, okay, how can I fit this into my life two to three times a week? Well, right now, I’ve got a ton too many things in my life to even potentially put that on the table. All right. So now, let’s get very specific look at a schedule. How long does it take to make love? Maybe, maybe the tops, hour and a half? Alright. So put that in a schedule. Which nights of the week, could you make that work? Maybe there’s Saturday, midday, you could make that work? Which days could that work? And I’m not saying that you have to necessarily schedule it, necessarily. But you do need to open up your life enough so that this can happen consistently. And I do have to get this real with you. Because a lot of times we as women we think in our head. Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s it’s important. I know it’s important. And then days go by and days go by and a week goes by and a week and a half goes by and we completely forget that our husband desires this so much. And if you remember the desire of the husband is so strong, that it’s really hard to focus on other things and avoid temptation. If all he’s focused on is Sexual intercourse he’s not having with his wife, that’s a really big issue. So how do you put that on your calendar? How do you make sure that there’s not things that are crowding out your life to to ensure that you’re having that connection that you are making love on a consistent basis. So, as I’m, you know, creating this selection course, I’m really loving it, because it is really encouraging me to be much more proactive. Just because, you know, I’m thinking about all the hot, spicy things that we do, and kind of taking it up a notch. And I will say, it’s really fun and exciting to be so connected with your spouse. I mean, I feel like we have a really strong connection anyway, because our physical intimacy is so strong. But taking it up a notch is really fun. You just feel so much extra freedom and excitement when you see that person walk through the door, or you just want to melt into their arms, as you’re, you know, sitting next to him in church, for example, as I was doing the other day where I just can’t get close enough to him, because he’s just so wonderful. I mean, those are the kinds of experiences you can expect when you are having wonderful, passionate, consistent lovemaking.

11:39
Another thing that’s really key is to consider how important it is to be consistent about lovemaking. I think that we don’t realize that once we get out of kind of a good rhythm of frequency, it’s really hard to jump back into, to making love. So let’s say you’re doing really good, you were making love every few days. And then suddenly, you go a week, and it’s like, Whoa, it’s really hard to get this thing started again. And for women, that’s that’s a reality. I recognize that it suddenly you’ve got to remember how to be seductive, or that your body is beautiful. And you need to be providing a visual feast, as I call it to your husband, like sometimes those things you kind of get out of out of that mode after too many days. And so as a wife, it’s our responsibility to stay in that mode, to remember to be in tasting our husbands with whether it’s text messages or whisper in his ear different, seductive things, or, you know, make sure that you’re having actions that kind of turn him on throughout the day here and there. And you just keep this excitement going between the two of you. And then, you know, it’s so easy to kind of move into that love making zone when you guys have some time and space to do it. But don’t get out of the rhythm of every couple days making love. Don’t let it go too long. And I’ve definitely been guilty of that myself. But then I recognize like, oh my gosh, how hard it is to, to get back into enjoying it again. Though, again, just as a wife, it’s really all about choosing to go for it, choosing to enjoy it, and then boom, you are enjoying your body is enjoying it. But it’s that choice that becomes so hard. It’s like, why does it seem like I’m not going to enjoy this. But then once you make the choice, it is really wonderful. I’m hoping that makes sense to you women out there. I think it does probably to the women not to any husbands that decide to listen. But anyway, so here’s, here’s a thought that I would encourage, you don’t have to let your husband know that you’re doing this but make a chart just with lined paper and write out every day of the week. And then every time you tease him you could put a check mark on that day. And every time you make love put a little hearts on that day. So you can start to see what is your pattern right now with making love? Because you might think that you make love a lot. And the truth is, you might not be and you might just not know because you’re not tracking it. You’re you don’t have any data. But if If you’re actually looking at something and realizing, wow, we haven’t made love in a week, then you actually can see that Wow, no wonder he so desirous No wonder he seems to never leave you alone. And I will tell you just so you know, dear wife. I think sometimes women think that men kind of like, the more you feed their sexual appetite, the worse they’ll become. Well, that’s not the case with a godly husband at all, all he wants is your love. And that satisfies him. It’s an appetite, and he’s filled. But it’s not something that you have to worry that the more you make love to him, the more he becomes the sexual monster who just can’t be satiated. That’s not the way it is, the way it is, is that you love him the way that He desires to be loved. And it’s the same way. If you can imagine how horrible it would be of a husband, saying that his wife just wants affection, because she is just going to be more and more needy, the more I give her this affection and attention and emotional support, she’s just going to get worse and worse and worse. So I am just going to ignore when she starts crying, I’m just going to ignore it because she clearly is just going to get worse, like can you imagine. But think about that as women how often we

16:31
a little allow ourselves to go there, or how women have let themselves go there. So if that’s something you’ve kind of thought in the past or struggled with recognize that’s not the case, you’re simply loving Him the way that he receives love. So I’ve talked a little bit about goals. So So in your journal, writing out how you want your connection and relationship to feel. And I talked about making love. The other thing that’s interesting is as a spouse, I know it’s not fair to think that you are serving your spouse more than the other. The other partner is serving you. And it very well might not be fair. And I’m sorry about that. I recognize that’s really hard. I think there’s a lot of advice on the podcast, in terms of how to help change that. But what I want to say right here right now is I would encourage you to allow yourself to serve more in this season, because it very well may just be a season. And you’re just kind of pouring into their bucket. It’s funny, my kids have this. They’re four and three. And we’ve got these books that we read to them about an invisible bucket that everyone has on their head, that when you’re when you do kind things for each other, you fill the other person’s bucket with beautiful stars and flowers and hearts. But when you do bad things to each other, you’re taking out all those wonderful things from their bucket, and you’re making them sad because you’re emptying their bucket. And so the way we do this in our household is that when they do good things, or they’re kind to each other, they share the good behavior, they get a star in their bucket and we have a little we’ve taped up a little bucket on the wall for each of them, and they get a star in there. But if they’re about to do something wrong, I have to warn them. Now, if I get to three, I have to say, put that toy where it goes, that’s number one. Remember, put that toy where it goes, that’s number two, put that toy where it goes or you know, I’m going to have to take a star away from your bucket. And then Bada bing bada boom, once I mentioned the star, they put that toy away. Right, right then right there. And I’ll tell you I explained that very carefully because I had I wish someone had told me that at least a couple of years ago in my parenting journey, this little bucket metaphor with the stars and the whole thing taped up on the wall because it is very, very, very effective. Someone my my son’s preschool teacher taught it to us and we are the result. So anyway, but the point of that is that as you are serving your husband, you are filling his bucket. You’re making him feel so wonderful about himself about his life, about the way things are going and very well may be a season that you are serving him more than he is you. And or maybe you shouldn’t be keeping track. Maybe it’s not about who’s serving each other more or not. And maybe it’s just about giving and loving and, and serving. And we’re not keeping track of those things. So I do want to just encourage you, though, that I do believe that the more you engage in making love making a priority, it will bring your connection closer together, it will draw you to closer together.

20:42
Funny enough, I wasn’t going to do a full podcast this evening, I was talking to my husband and we were like, well, it seems like the best thing to do would be to pray for couples that are struggling. And instead, I kind of went through a long explanation about goals. But I am a very goal oriented person. And I think this is helpful, because sometimes, if we don’t have something, we’re moving towards an aim and ambition a thought, we’re just kind of wallowing. But if I, if I’m asking you to write out a vision of what your marriage could be like, What do you want it to look like? So then when you’re praying for something, you actually have an image in mind, rather than praying just to get out of the situation you’re in or just kind of wallowing in where you are, but instead, have a vision of where you’re going and and proactively think about changes or proactively think about steps that would affect things. And I kind of went through a very long, you know, encouragement to you about lovemaking, because it is that powerful, to grow your connection together. One thing to mention is that, you know, a big reason for divorce. One of the top reasons cited on different studies is financial stress. But interestingly enough, there is a study that says I haven’t in my book, delight your husband, but the study says that couples that make love one extra time a week, that’s the equivalent equivalent of making an extra $50,000 a year. So if you can imagine, and honestly, it might have been $100,000. But to be conservative, let’s just say $50,000. So if you can imagine when couples who are having so much financial stress, what if they just started making love one extra time a week. And then it’s like having this giant pay raise. So if that’s one of your biggest stress is I just want to encourage you make love, you’ll feel the connection, you’ll feel the intimacy, he will love you more because you’re loving him in the way that he receives love. The generosity that you can provide. And again, this is something that we as women are not naturally going to understand. But as we make it a priority and as we serve and as we love in those ways, we understand it more and more, and it gets better and better for us too. So I just encourage you that from from there. I do want to ask my husband to come over and pray for the couples out there that are in challenges and and really are feeling disconnected and need encouragement. So I’ll let him pray for you

23:57
Good god, I can never saw love the Sunday. Okay, let’s pray. Dear Father, I pray for those couples that today they just have some arguments that you get them close together. I pray for the couples out there having a wonderful time that they will encourage other other ones so they live close to that they know each other other people pray that they gave encourage other couples. For those ladies that are listening to the podcast thank you so much for for listening for learning. And for those husbands out there listening to a pray God that the sub their hearts that speak to their wives store spec, their wives, their spouse cut and people that they have kids that they will see how the husband and wife react or towards each other that they were react and outside I prefer my wife that sometimes is very tough in her life, that to give me the wisdom to encourage her. Because there’s a lot of things that I just come in live to be discouraged. I prefer those ladies. Thank you so much for listening and want to improve. Ensure your husbands, that you love them, you care about them. Kiss me come from man that I believe that that’s how it feels. And they will feel secure and we feel that we will love and be wanted. Thank you. Amen.

25:49
Amen. Okay, well, thank you so much for joining. I love you. And we’re praying for you. And I hope that you do feel encouraged. And know that you can do a lot to make sure your marriage is more connected, more at peace more loved. And I encourage you to do that hard work. It is hard. It’s not easy. But you can do it. Love you, girl. We’ll talk next Tuesday. Bye.

26:24
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.

26:45
Hey, one quick note is that I am actually behind on the selection course. I’m sorry, I was trying to get Part Three released this week, I wasn’t able to fully get it there. But that means that there is one more week of the lowest price ever. That you can jump on board and get caught up this weekend. So if you’ve already purchased and you’re already in the selection course you have this week to perfect. The work we’ve already done in the first two parts. Make sure you’re up to speed make sure you’ve got your homework done. And you’ve got those journal entries accomplished because if you don’t do the work of those really articulating what you’re thinking how you’re feeling, the changes you’re making and doing those actions that I’ve asked you to do. It’s you know, the changes are not going to be there as encourage you jump on board if you can. Otherwise if you’re already on board, make sure you’re staying with us. So Part Three next week. Looking forward to it.