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What is included in this show:

• Why is amazing intimacy important in marriage?
• Why the lure of Sex is so great
• Marital love making is supposed to be intoxicating
• Should you try to make your sex life exciting?
  • Could God wants our sex life to be exciting
• What I think is the biggest barrier to amazing intimacy
• Why the enemy want to destroy the excitement in your sex life
• The attitude behind something is actually more important than the action themselves

Shift your attitude. Col 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.

Men get turned on by something they see, women get turned when they feel good about themselves. -Joyce Penner

 

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The HOW of making it exciting:

I’ve released the first 3 parts of a new course I’m really excited about: The Seduction Course: (Christian) Hot Sex, Step A, B, C.

I didn’t feel I could give the specificity I’d like to on a public platform like a podcast or website. So I’m including VERY practical understandings and examples (language, scenarios, actions) you can use immediately in this course!

Right now you can get the course at its lowest cost (it will go up in the following week as the 4th part is released). Check out The Seduction Course now.

 

 

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.

0:18
Hey there, and welcome. Thank you so much for joining. If you hear something in the background, it is my husband doing the dishes. This is after he already made dinner, and put the kids to sleep. So I want you to know that because though I am extremely lucky, and I do have an absolutely incredible, amazing husband, I want you to feel as a wife, like the things that I’m sharing with you. It’s not because I am this oppressed woman who, you know, has to fulfill her husband’s needs, otherwise I won’t be able to do you know, the things in life I want to do or I’m submitting because I was in a oppressed way that I was grown up, I guess the reason is, is because I I surrender because I think it is God’s will I see the fruit. In my heart, I see the peace that I have, I see the joy that I get, I see the the joy that my husband has. So I see the fruit in surrendering. And if you don’t know what I mean by surrendering, I’ve got a four part series about it. But you could just listen to the first one, and you could get exactly what I mean. But further, I just enjoy life more. So that’s one thing I wanted to say. But the second thing is also sexual intimacy. When we have generous lovemaking, it means that we have a lot more peace in our family, things go better. And so that’s what today’s conversation is about, is about how to have amazing intimacy, and what’s the most important piece. So I’m currently releasing the seduction course, which is essentially Christian hot sex, steps a, b and c, I want to give you all the insight and wisdom and and just take you by the hand and help you to understand that there are really good ways of understanding your sexuality, and practically enacting those things in your marriage. And I am super practical in the course because I think either as Christians, what I have thought that there, there isn’t enough of is a combination of spiritually this makes sense. And practically, this is what you do without understanding. So I try to give you both I try to give the underpinnings of why this would make sense to do in your marriage. And then secondly, what to do, how to put this into place. And so very specific examples, very specific language. Why is language Okay? In your marriage? What exactly to say what kinds of languages Okay? And how do you do that, I mean, very, very specific, because those kinds of things, I give you a ton of insights on my podcast, but I don’t feel like I can give you those specific examples on the actual public podcast or website, I want to give much more details than I’m comfortable giving to a broader audience. The other thing that I want to encourage is that this is really a course just for women, it’s really not a course for men. So if you’re tempted to purchase it, to view it before your wife does, or something along those lines, I would ask you not to because this is really just for women. So my last thought there is that I have released the third part this week. So next week, I’ll be releasing the fourth part. The price will go up next week. So I encourage you to get the course as soon as you can, and catch up and do the homework and really get engaged and make the changes it’s really going to be phenomenal. I believe for your marriage. It’s been a lot of fun to to be writing and making for you. It’s really something that is already just become more exciting and fun for me to be thinking through and enjoying with my husband. So I encourage you for that.

4:55
But yeah, let’s dive into the topic today. So I want to talk about what I think is the most important thing for amazing intimacy. So first of all, the question might be why is amazing intimacy important in a marriage? And sex is a lot of things you could say that sex is pleasurable sex is is something that you renew your vows. Every time you have sex. I’ve heard people say things like that, or lets you know each other, which all of those things are true. But for me, I think the the most compelling understanding of sex for me is that it unifies. It unifies a couple, I mean, how many times in the Bible does it talk about a man and a woman leaving their father or their mother and joining together and becoming one flesh? One flesh is a complete unification of one person and another person, and that is what sex does in a marriage. It’s all about everything that you think it is. But again, it’s this unification of husband and wife. So why should sex be amazing? Well, sex is powerful. I mean, how many times does the Bible say, do not commit adultery? Many, many, many times? Do a search. Why does it say that? Well, as a woman, you probably are like, well, because it’s wrong. And you know, obviously, it’s a bad thing. And adultery is, is terrible for children, and it, it makes the woman feel bad about herself, and it is a sin. That’s why you can’t commit adultery. And that’s why it says it over and over and over again in the Bible. And I would say as a woman, trying to understand a man’s mind, that it’s not. God doesn’t say it over and over and over again, it’s in the 10 commandments. You know, Jesus talks about it. I mean, it’s all over the place. It’s not because it’s easy to do. It’s because the lure of sex is so great, that God is saying, I get sex, that I get that sex is vital to you, young man. And I need to remind you, over and over and over again, that outside of marriage, it is not worth it. It is not worth it. In Proverbs, it even says that adultery destroys a man’s soul. But God in His grace gives us the antidote of sexual temptation. Get a wife, right? That’s what Paul says. So that you are not tempted you should get a wife you should get married. You know, basically, the the point is that she so that she can fulfill your drive for sex drive for sexual intimacy. Proverbs 519 says, let her breasts satisfy satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. So so that’s the that’s the vision. That’s the that’s the point that you’d be satisfied by your wife. But again, let me remind you, dear wife, how powerful sexes Do you remember Solomon, if you’re familiar with the Bible, King Solomon was asked by God when he was a young king, that he could be given anything he wanted in all the world, or anything, maybe outside of the world, in fact, and God would give it to him. And this young man asked God for wisdom. And so God smiled upon that request and gave him wisdom. So he ended up being the wisest man in all the earth. And, you know, kings and rulers and queens even would come from all lands and all different places to, to, to come to this, this wise king and be counseled by him. Now, what ended up happening is this man who even wrote Proverbs, and Proverbs is considered even by non Christians to be an incredibly wise book. Here’s the wisest man and yet he ended up having hundreds of wives like literally, I can’t even remember how many but I think almost into the 1000s because he had hundreds of wives like 400 or 700, maybe and 300 concubines I think and and then he had maid servants or something like that, like he just it was insane his sexual

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I guess appetite or or whatever. He just let loose and you know, with all of his riches is in power, he just did all of all of that. And, and he ended up stopping following God and followed there his wives gods. And again, he was the wisest man. I mean, he had every, every reason not to do that. And yet he completely missed where God wanted him to go because of sex, right? I want to just read to you the last part of Proverbs 519, it first of all, again says, let her breasts satisfy you always, may you always be captivated by her love. And then it says, May you be ever intoxicated with her love, that’s another version, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. So I think it’s just a powerful reminder that our love making our sexual intimacy with our spouse is to be intoxicating. It is not to be half hearted, or, you know, whatever. But it’s supposed to be that kind of, of experience in your marriage. Now, I received a question a little while ago, someone reached out to me via email, you’re welcome to do that as well. My email is belah at delight your marriage.com That’s B E, L A H, at delight your marriage.com. If you have a question or an idea for a topic or an interest, or maybe you’re interested in intimacy coaching with me, I do that as well. But anyway, you’re welcome to reach out to me via email. The question he had for me was, should a couple view porn to learn to make their sex more exciting. Now, this was a husband. And I want to talk about his question a little bit before I talk about my answer. So the question is, you know, should they view porn, right, but the point of his question is, how do you make your sex life as exciting as its displayed in porn? But what I want to say is, is that it’s not just porn. I mean, I know that, you know, the knee jerk reaction is porn is wrong, porn is bad. But honestly, you and I both know that exciting sex outside of marriage is glorified everywhere, from movies, to music, to advertisements, even walking down the street, I mean, in scandalous clothing, it’s just shown as this thrilling experience to flirt with an attractive stranger at the bar, or hook up with that hottie at a party, or have sex with the guy you just started dating. The message is clear, casual sex with just anyone is hot, steamy, and the most satisfying. And that’s what we’re fed, is that is an exciting sex life. So the question you probably are asking in your head, but isn’t that sin? Well, I do think it’s sin. I think sex outside of marriage is sin. And I do think viewing it is sin. I think God designed it to solely be for a husband and wife. But one of the focal missions of dy M is to empower marriages to live out the opposite, that actually love making in marriage is better and far more satisfying than sex outside of marriage. God wants our sex life to feel exciting, and passionate, and fun and flirtatious and holy and supremely fulfilling. So how do you make your sex amazing in marriage? To be clear, having a partner who hasn’t an active addiction is violent or adulterous? Those relationships, believe I believe, require boundaries. A great book is boundaries in marriage. And I believe those situations would definitely benefit from therapy. So I am not talking about those kinds of unhealthy relationships. I think you need help. I’m not sure if you can take the advice that I’m giving without having boundaries appropriately in place so that you’re in a safe place where it’s not a hostile environment for you. But if you are in a marriage that that is healthy, that you know, maybe there’s friction, maybe there’s tension and that kind of thing. But I believe sex is a vital piece, a great sex life is a vital piece to what God wants for us in our marriage and in our life and ultimately what he wants for us to be doing for the kingdom.

14:55
So I think the question has to be asked and answered why is unexpected, exciting sex life? I think there are a variety of answers. Maybe it’s special techniques, a variety of places, unusual situations, maybe sex appeal, or specific or unique positions. There’s a list you could think of probably of what is exciting. But I think the most important is the wife’s sexual freedom. I think the best way of explaining that is a woman with a confident, seductive, playful, and enthusiastic attitude for lovemaking. My resources and coaching focuses on a woman’s sexual freedom, and to point it, to point to it because genuine satisfaction and all the other aspects of intimacy depend on this attitude, in my opinion. So, you know, all the positions and the, you know, beautiful curves and the different places that you might have sex are the different ways, I think it all has to happen upon this kind of a sexual free, sexually free attitude that I’m going to talk more about. But that is ultimately, what is the most important key to an amazing sex life. So let me talk a little bit about the biggest barrier to amazing intimacy. Here it is, I think, I think it’s wives, thinking that exciting sex is wrong, nasty, or sinful, or all of those. So if you’re like, how I was, what the world’s messages told me, compared to my faith, they it told me that being sexy was sinful. I thought that if I acted like or looked like women who were engaging in that kind of sin, that I was also sinning, and that my husband was sinning for wanting that from me. So it was pretty life changing for me to discover that men are attracted to sexually exciting things, because God made them to be attracted to it. It wasn’t an accident that God made them with a penis that gets aroused at sexual visuals. God designed it that way. But as excited, as exciting as it may be, sex outside of marriage is a counterfeit of what God designed his people to experience in the enclosure of marriage. Again, God made the things for his people. Yes, even those things that are displayed in the wrong context. He made them for his people. He wants His people to enjoy in the privacy and intimacy and depth of love and surrender and sacrifice of their marriage. Pornography is a counterfeit. Your sex life is the real fulfillment of God’s design. When you are making love to your husband, with desire, anticipation, zeal, excitement, readiness, seduction, abandonment, sacrifice, pleasure, strength, you are not sinning. You are the real deal. The other is fake. And it is sin. But you are what God intended it to be your intimacy is real. And just because right now, you might have to fight the feelings that what you’re doing is wrong. Keep fighting. Because eventually you’ll get to a place where you’ll start to believe that God made awesome and exciting intimacy for your marriage. Because the enemy wants the counterfeit to rob your marriage have the freedom and enjoyment God desires for you and for your husband. Why? Why does he want to rob this? Why does he want you to think it’s nasty and sinful and wrong? Because the enemy wants to weaken your husband. The enemy can take him out with the shame of his lust. The enemy can take him out with an addiction to pornography. The enemy can take him out with with sin. That’s that’s ravaging his mind with this desire for anyone other than his wife because his wife isn’t performing. That’s not what God wants. God wants the excitement in your

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marriage. Again, you are the real deal. You’re amazing intimacy is real. And the rest is counterfeit. To reiterate, I think women get tripped up with the notion that if they’re engaging in exciting sex, whether it’s positions seduction attitude, that they’re sinning, because it reminds them of the sin they witnessed in other sinful contexts, like pornography, like bad movies like, you know, negative, sinful situations you understand, but the real amazing intimacy, your real exciting sex life cannot compare to the counterfeit. Your sexual freedom in marriage is true. And it will never compare. But I want to try to understand this better. I’m going to give just a little illustration here. I remember buying this beautiful piece of jewelry at the beach years ago. And it was one of those cute jewelry stores and I bought this ring, and I actually had it on my ring finger. And it was beautiful. It was silver. It was shiny. It was elegant. I really liked it. But it broke within the month. And the reason why is it wasn’t real, it was It wasn’t authentic. And though it looked like what I wanted, it wasn’t worth much. Then years later, I received an engagement ring. From the love of my life. Now the father of my children and my best friend. And that ring is gorgeous to me. It’s precious to me, it means the world. To me, it is real, it doesn’t break, it signifies a life that I love. It has so many memories, it has been so many places with me, it is gorgeous to me, no other ring even stands close to what pleasure this one gives me. But they’re both rings. They were both shiny, they both looked similar. And they were both enjoyable to me because I’m someone who likes RINGS. But one was real. And it’s infinitely better and more satisfying than the fake one. So the excitement of sex by the world standards will really never compare to the genuine passion in your marriage. But robbing your husband of the excitement in in an intimacy, the intimacy God designed him to enjoy is not okay, because you think you are acting in a way that is reminiscent of the fake ring. So that’s just a little bit of, I think what the biggest barrier and it was, for me at least, to have sexual freedom to really feel a positive wonderful attitude about sex. So why does attitude matter? Why does attitude about your sex life about intimacy with your spouse? Why does that even matter? If he is at least, you know, having an orgasm on a regular basis? Or, you know, whatever, like, Isn’t that enough? Well, no, it’s not enough. We all know that attitude is vital. But we rarely name it as such. Let’s give some examples. Your child gives you a gift. You want him to want to give it to you with a good attitude, don’t you, or you’d really rather not receive it at all. Another example, a boss, who has an employee who seems reluctant to do her responsibilities, is surely not going to be promoted. But the one who is eager and enthusiastic, absolutely will rise the ranks quickly. Another example, when you have a bad attitude about doing chores, the chores seem much more laborious, and they take much more effort. But when you change your attitude, suddenly they don’t seem so bad. Here’s an example that I did recently is, when I don’t want to do the dishes, I set a timer on my computer, five minutes, and I try my hardest to get those dishes done in five minutes. So it makes it a game. And suddenly I’ve got a new attitude about it. And it’s really fun. So your attitude is vital. And you know that in all these other situations, your attitude behind something is actually more important than the actions themselves. Think about it. Whenever an action is taken by someone else. If you don’t think that it’s genuine and positive. You would rather them not do it. Think about just anything if they give you a gift and it’s not genuine if they if they hold the door for you and they have a pouty attitude about it if they, you know, ask you to you know, give you a compliment and it’s not doesn’t have a good attitude behind it. You don’t even want it.

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Now, this attitude thing is certainly not all about him. You’ll enjoy sex far more when you’re sexually free, but it may be necessary. For you to be motivated by what it means to him, first of all, in order to take those first steps, and eventually your enjoyment will grow. So let’s examine what are your attitudes towards sex? Is it I’ll just endure it. So we won’t fight. He’s being selfish. It’s all about him, it takes too much time, I’m too tired, I’m not turned on, I don’t get any pleasure from it, it’s not worth the work I have to put into it. Or it’s a bargaining chip, if he’s good, he’ll get sex, maybe you feel like it’s your duty your chore to get done. Maybe you take it for granted, it’s just a routine. Maybe you do it just to keep him happy. Now any of these may fluctuate or change on a daily basis, depending on lots of different factors. But some of these are patterns for you. And it’ll take some intentional work for you to change them. So I want to kind of just touch on how important sex is to your husband. We talked about it on the outside of the show. But really, your husband doesn’t approach you for sex lightly. It’s not just a game for him. It’s what makes him feel like a man. He has had that thing between his legs, all his life, all his life, he has been waiting to use it. That is not an understatement. Every man has about 11 erections every day. And there’s different reasons for erections. It’s not all sexual, sometimes random, sometimes reflexive, if it’s, you know, bumps up against something. Sometimes if he has to pee, I mean, there’s different reasons for it. But every time he gets one, he would like to use it. Can you imagine a lifetime of that kind of reminder constantly. And he finally has his outlet, which is you. And he’s rejected over and over again. I mean, that is his heart. He desires intimacy with you. He wants to feel loved and his most inner being, and that is it. He wants that from you. Because you’re, you’re his, you’re the one that’s going to make him feel loved in the same way that he is the only one that can really touch your heart. When he says, How are you doing? And he means it. And he listens to you, and cares about what’s going on in your heart, and you melt because no one else can touch you as deeply as him. I mean, that’s what you’re doing for your husband, when you engage in sexual intimacy with a good attitude. Again, if he had a bad attitude, asking you about your day, you know, sometimes sometimes sitcoms, thanks that’s so funny to make fun of the fact that that women talk so much or whatever, and

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it’s not funny, it’s incredibly hurtful. Because, yes, we want to share our lives with our spouse. That yes, that is, that’s our hearts that you’re laughing about. So, so, again, you want your spouse to want to desire to love you, the way that you feel loved, you know, depending on what your love language is, that’s different for every person. But the way that you receive love that, you know, there’s more of a general there’s love languages, which are different for people, but there’s more of a general like male and female, feeling loved. And, you know, for women, a lot of times it’s being taken care of, you know, in all avenues that that means whether it’s being taken care of, you know, feels like he’s protecting the family or providing for the family or, or just wisely leading the family or, you know, having your full attention and caring about what’s going on in your life. I mean, being cherished, cherishing the wife is those are just kind of our, our deep, deep, deep desires of our husbands and the husband, you know, deeply desires to be respected, and part of his lovemaking drive, he wants to be respected in that desire. So if you shame him or make him feel bad about the ways he approaches you or his desire for you, it’s knocking his sense of self. It’s knocking who he is as a man. I mean, think about it. If he didn’t have a penis, he He would not feel like a man and you probably wouldn’t feel like he was a man either. I mean, that is vital to who he is as a person, his identity. So yes, sex is important. Yes, sex is vital. Yes, Your attitude is vital. And amazing sex starts with your attitude starts with you, becoming the woman sexually free in the bedroom starts with your attitude. So let’s talk a little bit about, I mean, what is the kind of attitude he wants, like what is ideal, we talked about all the places we might be now, as women, and I’ve been there, I’ve absolutely been there, sometimes I’m there. Now, you know, and I’ve got to re adjust where I’m coming from. And I’m going to get to some of the absolute strategies to do that in a little bit. But let’s talk about the ideal attitude. He wants you to want to make love to him. He wants you to be excited to make love. He wants you to feel sexy, and confident in your own body. He wants you to be happy to seduce him. He wants you to be playful and enthusiastic about making love. He wants you to love his body. And most of all, love his member. He wants a variety of positions. He wants a variety of views of you. He wants you to tease his body, he wants you to tease him with your body. He wants to be seduced, maybe planned, maybe spontaneous, maybe both the different times he wants you to get turned on at the thought of making love with him. So how do you shift your attitude? How do you become a woman who has that attitude? Let’s consider those examples again. How can a child shift his attitude about giving their parent a gift? Well, he can think about the love, the joy, the guidance that that child receives from his parent. He can recognize the value in his parent and what he’d miss if that parent were gone? Or what about how can an employee shift her attitude about work? Well, maybe she could look at the scriptures and find in Colossians, 323, whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for people. She could be grateful that this job puts a roof over her head and supplies the food on her table. She could desire to point people towards Jesus based on her enthusiastic and loving demeanor. How can you shift your attitude about chores? Well, doing the dishes doesn’t seem so hard when you consider those who don’t have food to eat, and thus nothing to clean.

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You know, can you see the parallels here? I want you to work at shifting your attitude. This is not going to just happen. I have too many women that I work with that think I just I’m gonna you know, the switch is going to be flipped and suddenly I’m going to be the sexual tygris In the bedroom. And that’s what I thought before I got married. I really did. I thought that if I saved myself for marriage, I would become this wild, wonderfully sexual being. And it just doesn’t work like that. You know, some women granted maybe they do. Maybe they just need to be unleashed. And it just comes out and great. You know, they’re probably not listening to this podcast because they’re all set. But for me, I had to really train myself I had to train myself one uncomfortable action after one uncomfortable action after one uncomfortable action. And eventually, my heart change eventually. I bet it became natural. Eventually I loved this new attitude. I loved being sexually free. It was so fun to be unified with my husband. That we are together in this pursuit of God. That we are unified that the the silly little arguments stopped because we just are on the same page. We’re on the same team. We are united. We love each other. We sacrifice in the bedroom and it pours out on the outside of the bedroom. We We love those things. And yes, I will never be a man, I will never love sex as much as my husband. It’s I just won’t, I think there are women that really have a higher drive there in their heads. I mean, I know there are, but I’m not one of those women, I will always, it will always be something that I certainly have amazing experiences with him. But a lot of times, it’s an act of the will to become the woman that I need to be, to have the sexual intimacy to have the amazing love life that we enjoy. So what can you do? What are the actions you can take? First one, ask for help. We can’t do this alone, ladies. We need God. We need God to help us. It is scary. You know, it’s scary. It is not easy to look silly and uncomfortable. And all these things, you know, to think that you’re making a fool out of yourself or doing something uncomfortable. I get it. I’ve been there. I still get there. Sometimes it depends on different things. But ask for prayer. Just something simple, you know, but consistently, Lord, I asked you to give me a great attitude about lovemaking. So my husband, God helped me to crave him physically. Lord helped me to change in this area. So I can love him deeper the way you want me to ask God for help. And thank God for your husband, thank God for making him the way that you made him. The next one is aim for pleasure. To have the best sex, you have to be enjoying life. You may remember on this podcast a while ago, but it was said it was set I’m trying to think of the lady that said I’ll think of it and have it in the shownotes. But men get turned on by something they see women get turned on when they feel good about themselves. And I think it’s so true. You know, I noticed when I have eaten too much, and I feel kind of blocked. I am not interested in sex. Are you kidding me? I want to, you know, feel bad about myself and sit on the couch or something ridiculous. So when you’re making sure that you are feeling good, you are much more willing to make make love. And you know, you might be thinking well Oh, great. One more thing to add to my to do list make myself happy. But I’m not asking you to add more to your life. Isn’t that what you want? Anyway? You want a grateful heart, a peaceful life, a joyful exuberance and vibrancy for life? Isn’t that what God says Rejoice in the Lord always again, I say rejoice. He wants you to enjoy your life. He wants you to be excited about what he’s doing in your life. So yes, make sure you are enjoying the pleasure of life.

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I believe that a big piece of happier life really consists in making more space in your life about for what matters means taking away the things that’s clogging up the space in order that you can have real enjoyment. So some things that will help you become more happy. I would encourage you to take away others or your own expectations of perfection. That just doesn’t matter. Or how about the desire to do everything for everyone? If anyone asks you, you say yes, take that away. It’s nonsense. It’s not what God asks you to do. How about the concern that you have to do everything by yourself, and you don’t ask for help or you. You think it all has to be done by you. Or maybe you take away things that stress you, you try to identify what they are, and try to take them away. You know, maybe the kids don’t need to be in ballet and soccer and painting. Maybe they can just do one thing at a time. And you don’t have to drive all over the place all the time. Maybe you can do a little less. Yeah, so one discipline our family really enjoys and it is a discipline, but we make space for a rest day, every week. It’s something our church really emphasized and it’s been life changing for us. But we believe that, you know, we should take God at its word that, you know, he wants us to rest. And yes, it’s in the 10 commandments and in the Old Testament, God made the world and then he rested. So he could enjoy the good work that he did. But also he gonna be trying to say it’s also in the new tests. About rest. So I just encourage you to, to focus on that if you’d like. But, you know, on that day, we don’t do work, we do nothing that stresses us, I actually keep my phone on airplane mode. So I don’t have texts or emails or social media. We just enjoy ourselves as a family, we pray journal, relax, make sure I take time for for knowing God, knowing his heart, who he is, you know, enjoying life enjoying what he’s given us enjoying the actual good gifts that He has given us. And, you know, because I, we’re enjoying so much we have the best sex on those days, we really enjoy who we are together, we have more time because we’re not rushing from one thing to the other. And it’s, it’s not a stress, it’s, it’s a joy. So again, just to emphasize aim for pleasure. That’s the second action step by I’m telling you to do. The next one is apply faith. So, affirmations get your body into it. These are things that you say to yourself, preferably out loud, maybe in the bathroom before you do it. Or maybe when you’re walking, sometimes I’ll do it when I’m outside or whatever. But affirmations like, I’ll have fun, and I’ll enjoy myself. I’m excited to make love to him tonight. I love that he craves my body and our intimacy. I love the man I married. I love his desire. I love making love to him. These are things that you say to yourself. These are things you discipline yourself to say you apply your faith. So you might ask me, Well, aren’t I faking it? Well, let me tell you authenticity, authenticity, many times has to start with faith. When was the last time you felt threatened by a stranger? Until you took a step of faith and said good morning, suddenly, they’re smiling. Suddenly, you might even have a conversation. But if you didn’t take that step of faith, you would never have gotten there. Never? Or how about, you put a smile on your face at a party until eventually you were having a good time? You did feel happy? Because you took that step of faith and you smiled. You try

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to have a good time? Or how about the time that you had to will yourself out of bed to eventually greet a beautiful day that you had to by faith, say to yourself, it was going to be a good day? Right? How about taking out the key out of your purse, sticking it in the car and turning the ignition so that your car turned on? Right by faith, you took the key and put it in the ignition? Right? We have got to apply our faith. So affirmations is a great way to get your body into it. Get yourself in the mode, I’ll have fun all enjoy myself. I’m so excited to make love to my husband, my body craves having sex with my husband. These are all things I say to myself. Even now, it gets better and better for me, the more I believe it’s going to get better and better for me. Again, this is after I’ve prayed this is after I’m enjoying my life. This is also with affirmations, it’s a vital piece. And then the last action step is apply effort. Put yourself out there, you have got to start moving towards how you want to feel. You’re not going to feel sexy at first. In fact, you’ll probably feel silly, even ridiculous. It’ll probably be really scary. But you’ve got to act the way you want to feel. So again, apply effort put yourself out there. He is the safest person to feel silly in front of I know it’s scary. I have been there. I have been there but put yourself out there. So kind of to sum up I want to say remember, he is the only person or you are the only person he and you get to experience this width. And remember when you were dating you craved it.

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Right? Here are the action steps once again. Ask for help. Pray about your sex life. Ask God for help.

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The next one is aim for pleasure. Learn to understand your body and to experience it to understand true pleasure for for sex yourself and make yourself happy in this life. Enjoy life. So the second action is to aim for pleasure for your own pleasure. Third thing is to apply faith. That’s affirmations. Get your body in to it. And the last one, number four is apply effort, put yourself out there. So I really believe that this is the key to having the best sex life to having amazing sex. And again, I believe that’s what God wants for your marriage. Don’t sell yourself short, don’t rob your marriage have what God wants for it. But take the steps, pray about it. Work on enjoying it yourself. Apply faith, get some affirmations out there, get some working done in your heart. And then apply effort put yourself out there. Now this journey, you don’t have to do alone. You know, it’s a journey, it’s not going to be instantaneous. It’s going to take time it’s going to take effort, it’s going to be a process but but give yourself time be patient with yourself, you’ll get there. I know you will. You’ll but again, you don’t have to do to get loan, I do coaching, this is kind of my favorite thing to work on with people because I’ve been there. So extremely. And I know you can get free of this. I love seeing women become sexually free and enjoying it. And you know, I’m reading this wonderful book, you and me forever. And he’s really talking about people get married. And then they focus on how to make each other happy. And then that’s the end. It’s just, you know, they think that they left, you know, lived this life for God because they didn’t fight over. You know how you rolled the toilet paper? Like, what is that what God wants for our marriage? Really? And I agree with this guy. Absolutely. That’s nonsense. Why? Why is our standard so low? Like we we didn’t get divorced for 30 years, then it suddenly that’s something to clap over about. I mean, that is great. That is something to clap about. But how much more does God want for our marriages? He wants us to be doing his kingdom work in the world? I mean, how much is needed in this world of Jesus? That’s what we’re doing here, isn’t it? We call ourselves Christ followers. Are we disciples of Jesus? Are we following him? Are we doing his work in this world? So you might be like, Well, what does that have to do with an exciting sex life? And I think it really does. I think that sin is a distraction from God’s work in this world. Sin distracts us from what God wants us to do. And sex is everywhere in our culture. And your husband is wired to be attracted to sex. It’s it’s absolutely wired in who he is. And so yes, I think that God wants you to have an exciting sex life. I think he wants you to fulfill your husband, to make him intoxicated with your love. Yes, he has to turn his eyes away from the adulterous lusts all over the place. You can help him you can support him, you can love him, you can be his helpmate in walking the straight and narrow that God wants him to walk. You know, it even says in the Bible. I don’t have the reference right now. But it says, you know, if the husband is not a Christian, that she could win him over by her reverence for the Lord, and her submission and service to her husband. I mean, that’s powerful. Like we, as women have such an opportunity to love our husbands well, by doing this work, we don’t know how much it matters to them. We just don’t, we don’t get it. But I believe that God wants us to love our husbands, to love them, to give them the opportunity to truly be intoxicated by our love.

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And that’s what I want for you. That’s what I want for your marriage because I want you to get on with the kingdom work. And every time you make love, to feel free, to be able to be truly and utterly unified with your spouse, a true and deep oneness with your spouse so that you can do God’s work so that you can bring more people to the kingdom. Not just so you won’t fight as much. You have so much more that God wants for you. So be sexually free Well, I know you can do this. This is not out of your reach my sister. You can do this. Once again, ask for help. Pray about it. Aim for pleasure. Learn to understand your own body and enjoy your life. Apply faith, get some affirmations that you say out loud to yourself and then apply effort. Put yourself out there do that scary, silly things that are really going to get you to the place of sexual freedom. Well, thank you so much for listening. I’m so grateful that you took some time with me today. I’m praying for you. I’m praying for your walk with God. Most importantly. And I would love to see you on the section course. So head on over there and get the lowest price that it’ll ever be and, and really get the practical how tos on doing this really amazing, exciting intimacy in your marriage. All right, God bless you. And we’ll talk on Tuesday, and or in the course. Thanks, bye.

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Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion