“Before working with Belah, my marriage had been to the brink of divorce and separation. My husband and I had continual anger and resentment toward one another. I knew the importance of sex to a man, and felt pressure to be ‘enough’. But I felt like I never was.

I reached out to Belah, for her to help me be who he needed. Belah listened to my heart, and saw the missing piece- boundaries. Turns out, he needed ME all along.

Through Belah’s coaching, she helped me with:  Healthy boundaries. Loving and respecting myself. Realizing, and honoring what “I” enjoy and desire about sex and intimacy. She gave me wisdom and words to say. Teaching me what a healthy relationship looks like in all areas.

The amazing benefits I am enjoying now: LOVE; true love like never before. My husband and I look forward to being around each other, and have such an appreciation and respect for one another.  I am cherished and honored, he is respected and lifted up as my man. I am more “me” than ever before, and loving exactly who I am and am becoming.

Through working with Belah, my marriage is saved and thriving, and I am forever changed and grateful.”

To God be all the glory.

I want to help you get clarity on what is really going on in your marriage and I have limited space to talk with some women one on one to uncover what is really going on in their marriages for transformation! If you’re serious about wanting this difference in your marriage, sign up at www.dym.as.me as soon as you can, as space will fill up quickly!

www.dym.as.me

Love,

Belah

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transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.

0:19
All right, all right. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. It is a brand new year 2019. I am so excited that you are with me. I’m belah rose, and this is gonna be a life changing year for you and your marriage. Listen, I know the suffering of what a marriage can do. I know that it infiltrates every part of your life, if it is bad. People write into me all the time, whether it’s through Facebook, whether it’s through email, I hear from you, and I hear the struggles of your marriage. And I have been there, I have looked divorce in the face. And it’s awful, and it’s horrible. But I want to help you, I have helped you for years on this podcast, my book my courses, but I actually want to speak directly to you, I want to hear what is really going on in your marriage. So I in the new year have had a change in the way the ministry is working. And I get to now speak to women one on one about what is going on in their marriage. And I actually just received a testimonial. I think it was yesterday, or the day before maybe from someone I just spoke with. And she said that she felt completely at ease with me even from the very beginning. She said that she was shocked at how quickly we got to the root of the issue. And she feels that everyone should hop on a call with me. So that’s exciting. And then the next woman that I spoke with yesterday. Yeah, is is thrilled that from the progress that we made, and was actually able to get clarity on things she had never considered, which. Yeah, it’s just like, God is using this kind of stuff. I’ve done this work for a long time. And I have a ton of testimonials that backup that God can work through our work together and he has worked so powerfully in our work together. Testimony actually a testimonial actually, aside from that with a woman that I have worked with one on one, let’s see if I can just pull that up real quick. So she said before working with Bella, she said before working with Bella, my marriage had been to the brink of divorce and separation. My husband and I had continual anger and resentment towards one another. I knew the importance of sex to a man and felt pressure to be enough. But I felt like I never was. I reached out to Bella for help. For her to help me be who he needed. But listen to my heart and saw the missing piece boundaries. Turns out he needed me all along through Bella’s coaching, she helped me with healthy boundaries, loving and respecting myself, realizing and honoring what I enjoy and desire about sex and intimacy. She gave me wisdom and words to say, teaching me what a healthy relationship looks like in all areas. The amazing benefits I am now enjoying, and she has listened capital letters, love true love like never before. My husband and I look forward to being around each other. And I have seen and we have such an appreciation and respect for one another. I am cherished and honored. And He is respected and lifted up as my man. I am more me than ever before. And I’m loving exactly who I am becoming. Through working with Bella. My marriage is saved and thriving. And I am forever changed and grateful.

4:05
And then she wrote a little note directly to me and she said Bella, thank you for everything. I can hear your voice in my head and we have a had an amazing time together over this holiday season. I’m using all of our skills and lessons and we are doing incredibly. So To God be the glory that is just incredible. And I have deeply deeply appreciated my the opportunity. I’ve had to walk with that. Darling, darling woman. She’s just doing incredible things for God. And she’s Yeah, just incredible. So God is good and but I want to give you hope that your marriage can completely transform. You know, if if, you know one day I believe she’s going to be able to share her full testimony and you probably would jaw drop at the amazing transformation got it done. You know, I think she’s, you know, she didn’t give you the details. But God has absolutely done incredible work here. And he can do that for you, he can do that for you. And you know, what’s happened in my life is many times, God has used books, mentors, resources, courses, programs to absolutely transform my life. So, you know, we have worked together on this journey for years if you’ve been along this podcast, and I want to invite you to actually walk directly talk to me directly one on one. So again, you can just sign up for that free dy m.as.me www.dy m.as.me. Now there is a catch, you know, we’re going to dive deep. And I’m going to my intention is to give you clarity and to love you and serve you and help you on that call, help you to see what’s really going on. But if I think I can help you, I may invite you to work with me. And the truth is, I don’t invite everyone, if I don’t think I can help you, if I don’t think you’re ready, or if I don’t think it’s a good fit. For whatever reason, I’ve done it long enough that I, God has given me a good amount of discernment there. I won’t invite you to it. But I may invite you to work with me. And if that’s the case, that’s what we’ll do. We’re gonna also include on that call. So I want to mention that. All right, well, go ahead dy m.s.me. And sign up for a call as soon as you can. Again, my schedule this week, believe is already booked. And next week more than likely is about to fill up. So dude as soon as you can. And yeah, and we’ll dive into that. That was the introduction, just to give you a little hope that things can absolutely transform in your marriage in 2019. Let’s talk about what you can do, and why it can really change. And I’ll dive in, I’ll give you a little minute, moment of breather, a little, little moment break to digest everything I just said.

7:23
Alright, so the question to dive into is can things really change? Again, I hear from people that are suffering. And I have been there I have suffered in this life, by God’s grace, you know, in the Bible, Paul, while he’s in prison, he talks about him being content, and that he can be content when he is a bounding or when is he is a based, when he’s absolutely at the very bottom, he was in prison. And he said that he can be content. And that’s when he says in all things, Christ gives me strength. So wherever you are in your marriage, right now, I want to say that God can give you strength, you can do all things, even in that suffering. He can give you strength, and he will. So as you know, if you’re in that space, when your marriage is suffering, your whole life suffers. I mean, it’s not just you that suffering, it’s your kids, they see that they see the tension, they hear the arguments, they don’t feel safe in their house, I was a child of that kind of stuff. It doesn’t feel safe. I’m not able to live my full life if I don’t feel that, that that safety. And I remember there was someone in my life darling, in fact, two families that had that safety in that house, and I remember such a difference, and wanting to be there and just feeling safe. And how wonderful that was. And both families were able to do amazing things for God, both families were super in the church and giving of their time and, you know, mentoring of kids and anyway, so you know that your kids suffer, you know, your job suffers, you can’t focus at work, you have to take phone calls and argue with people and well or are you with your husband or send angry text back and forth or whatever, there’s, there’s just this emotional strife that happens. And that affects your financial peace. Because, you know, if you don’t feel encouraged and supported and you know, like you’re being cheered on, it’s really hard to have that self confidence to go for that next job to go for that promotion to do your best work. When you don’t have that husband that’s really supportive of you. You know, and of course, it affects your ministry, you know, whether or not you have peace, and in order to have the time and and the energy to devote to listening to Christ to listening to God’s will and His purpose and His direction. And then yeah, it affects your peace. It affects the way you walk with Jesus. You know, when I was suffering in my marriage, all of my prayers were consumed with God changing his heart were consumed with him changing all of them. It’s horrible. You know, and then not to mention walking in the fruits of the Spirit, you know, if you are completely stressed because your emotional tank is so not just on empty, it’s like, your, your hydro, your, your vehicle is skidding the ground, you’re not even moving forward. You can’t walk in the fruits of the spirit of the love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. And what about sexual fulfilment, just plain, all you feeling good, and you’re in your sexiness and having orgasms and the healthiness that that all is and feeling juicy, and in your Yeah, and your body as a woman. And then also your chastity and thoughts, right? Like, if you’re desiring sexually someone else, right? Or coveting another marriage, lusting or coveting after what someone else has, you know, and not just that just sin in many places, you know, by God’s grace, a great marriage will allow you to come to that place vulnerably and be like, Honey, I messed up. And because that’s the safest place in your life, you can share what’s really going on, and they can hold you and they can love you through it. You know, we share things about how we mess up in parenting. And then you need the vulnerability to be able to say that so we can work through it together and, and encourage each other and be like, you know, what, God is still using you, he’s still going to be helping you, you know, there’s this, there’s that whatever, we can still encourage each other through that, but that’s a safe place. You know, there’s, there’s in the Bible, it says, confess your sins to one another, so that you may be healed, that you may be forgiven. I believe it says forgiven, it’s either healed or forgiven.

12:23
A Bible scholar on this, on the other end is going to be like, actually, Bella, that is not the right word. But anyway, I know it says confess your sins to one another. So I’m, you know, I’m confident that that is a safety when your marriage gets to that place. And then even more significantly, you know, not starting ministries, because you don’t have, again, the emotional energy, the emotionally space, the time even to devote to it, because it’s so this other thing is such an obsession, their marriage is such an obsession, you’re not even able to have the ability to move forward. So it’s huge, huge that this thing can change needs to change, because this is not just earthly stuff. I’m talking about eternal stuff. That’s what I’m talking about, I don’t really want you to have a great marriage. I mean, that’s not my point. That’s not the end goal. What I want is so that your vehicle works. So you can do God’s will in this life. Because if you have a broken marriage, your vehicle, doing God’s will is broken. It’s broken. You you’re sitting on the side of the road with a broken tire, and I’m like, here, let me help you. Let’s get your car working. So you can go do what God wants you to do. That’s what dym is all about. So let’s talk about what you can do practically. Starting today. Once you wrap up this podcast, and I will mention I am going to sing at the end of the podcast after the music plays because I have the song in my head and maybe it’ll bless you today. So just a little teaser. Okay, so here are the four things I want to just encourage you that you can start right away to make changes to your marriage. First and foremost. Habits. Like what that doesn’t sound helpful. Yes. Habits 40% of your life are dictated in autopilot dictated by your habits, good or bad. When you wake up in the morning, or how you wake up in the morning, maybe you don’t set an alarm maybe you do whatever that is the thoughts that go through your head, when or if you brush your teeth how you look Get yourself in the mirror. Do you look at your roles first or your face first? Do you smile? You know, then you walk to the kitchen? Do you get your coffee? Do you? You know, open the fridge and get some food? Do you make an omelet? Do whatever normal things are? Do you drive to work? Do you put your you know, wallet on in your pocket? Do you? You grab your purse 40% of your life? And that’s waking life? I’m not even talking about the huh? Actually, I don’t know, know that i Alright, anyway, 40% of your life. Good or bad? Is a habit. So in order to stop a bad one, you want to replace it with a good one. You know, so many people try to stop smoking, but they don’t. They don’t have something else that’s going to be a positive way. You know, to replace it. So just as an example, I’m not an expert on how to help people stop smoking, but seemed like a good example. Anyway, but let me give you the examples that I do know very well about. Worry. So if you’re finding yourself worrying, respond to that with a good habit of saying an affirmation in faith out loud. So if you suddenly in your head becomes a worry of like, oh my gosh, what if my son starts taking drugs? Okay, affirmation. My son is going to have an amazing, healthy future with phenomenal, faithful friends. There’s my affirmation. You can say in Jesus name. give God the glory for such a faith. Right? Okay, what about fear? Like, oh, my goodness, the car’s gonna wreck. Okay, that fear just immediately comes in your your head, speak truth in the word of faith. By God’s grace, this car is going to get to exactly where it’s supposed to be. And you say it out loud. Break the pattern. That’s what you have to do. You have to break the pattern.

17:07
And see serious, say it out loud with intention, with emotion with enthusiasm. How about this? I said, those are kind of things that you can say yes, do that. Here’s something that’s more action oriented. Let’s say you have fear of finances. You have fear of financial loss, give away money. That is the answer. give away money. Do you remember the parable? Or actually, it wasn’t a parable. It was Jesus witnessing the rich people coming into the temple giving away tons of money to the temple. But it was then this old woman, old poor woman, I think. I don’t know if she was old. She was definitely poor. Anyway, she brought two pennies. She put them in the offering. That was everything she had. And Jesus said she did the good thing. She was the one that actually did. The most she gave the most. Right. There’s something about giving, that makes the finances less important. There’s something about giving. Just incredible. You know, when you’re giving your time, out of the very beginning of your paycheck, there’s a piece. But then even more when you’re extra generous. Oh, man, that is fun. That is fun. I love walking. I live in New York City, right. So there’s tons and tons of homeless people all around the place. Which is very sad. But I will say that when I have cash in my pocket, it’s really fun to give it to them. It’s so fun to think about, like, I’m helping someone like this is a very like, immediate, they get to have food, or they get to spend it in some other way. But, you know, the Bible talks about giving to the poor over and over and over again, somehow that matters to the way we we think and are and so you know, certainly I would if if I gave to every single homeless person in our city, that would be that would be difficult. But there are there are times that we can give. And it actually takes away the stress that we feel and takes away the fear that we have. By God’s grace, he does that. Okay, so fighting with your spouse, let’s say you’re in the middle of a fight. But your response your habit would normally be let’s say to not talk to them for a day, three days, whatever. Okay, change the habit by giving them something you know, they’d love That is the new habit that when you fight, you respond by giving them something, you respond by serving them in some way. It doesn’t mean you have to lose your dignity, it doesn’t mean you have to apologize for something that wasn’t your fault. But you can change the pattern, you can change the habit. And then the next piece is you add a habit to something you already do. How do you add correct habits? Well, you know, in order to be more sexual, in order to crave sex more, I really encourage dancing, giving yourself a routine of dancing sexily. If that’s a word, into the mirror, like in front of the mirror or anywhere, it just put on some fun music and just dance in a sexy way. If you don’t want to hear the words of the lyrics do it in a different language. I like to listen to reggaeton because I don’t necessarily understand everything they’re saying, and, and so I like the music, but dance in a sexy way. Another thing is right sex, craving affirmations, even on the other side of your medicine cabinet mirror, so that you you save them, you read them while you’re brushing your teeth, and you say them out loud, you know, I am sexy, and my body craves making love with my husband, my man is amazing in bed, and I love the way he enters my ReSSA it’s incredible the feelings that I have, like those are the kinds of affirmations that are going to get you to feel it to change those habits. Okay, you might be saying a lot of this is. Okay, your thoughts? Right? I’m telling you to change your thoughts, right? These are habits, they’re all behaviors, but what about your thoughts? So number one is habits. Number two, is changing your thoughts. And these are super interlinked, because proverbs 23 Seven tells us for As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.

22:07
So he is. And so yeah, maybe I should have interchange this were number one was how you think. And number two is your habits. And that’s really the order that should be it, but I thought you would relate to habits first, before I goes, before I went into thoughts, but let me tell you how the brain works. Because now we know more about the fact that the way you think affects what you do and how to change that. Because that’s what I’m asking you to do is make changes to yourself, that will affect your marriage. So brain chemistry, there is something that they’ve discovered called neuroplasticity, which means they used to think that we were born with a certain way that our our brain was wired. But now what they have learned is that actually, as you progress in life, at any age, your brain changes. So much so that prior to GPS is, you know, being the biggest form of, you know, showing you directions on where to go and stuff. They studied the brains of taxi drivers in London, and taxi drivers in other cities, I guess. And they found or maybe just people in general might have been comparing to people in general. But London apparently has like super complex maps and a grid and all that kind of stuff. And these taxi drivers had really significant like neurons pathways, that we’re in the the area of the brain that specifically is for judgment and for logic and everything that they need for being in that profession, memory and all of that. Whereas someone else didn’t have those, that equipment and they found this so consistently that it has changed the paradigm and given credence towards neuroplasticity and they’ve just seen it over and over and over again. And so that means that when you think well my husband just thinks this way. He’s never gonna change, or my wife is always going to be this way. They’ll never change. That’s not true. It’s not true. It doesn’t matter how old they are. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married. Look at my testimonials. You’ll see women that have been married 25 years, 18 years, 27 years, tons of people that I have worked with that God has changed their marriage. Not to mention the husbands that talk about how their wife, I don’t know what you guys discussed, I didn’t ask, but my wife is a different woman, after 20 plus years of marriage, God does that. He can change marriages, he can change your spouse, don’t doubt him have faith that he can change. Okay, so we’ve got number one is habits. Number two, change your thoughts. Number three, evaluate, become aware of the progress you and your spouse your marriage has made. So often we forget to realize how far we’ve come. We forget to see God has taken us out of that desert we have, God has taken us out of that horrible situation, look where we are now. We forget to take stock. And what I encourage you to do is take time consistently to recognize and thank God and praise God. To make sure you are aware of what changes have already happened. I have to do this with my clients all the time. They’re telling me the latest Whoa, but I’m like, you know, last month, he said this to you. And now he just got a job. Or another one like, you know, you know, he used to say your body was gross. And suddenly he’s a door in your body in every way possible, every chance he gets? Or do you remember, you used to say that you hated sex, and now you look forward to it, or sex wasn’t safe for you. And now you believe it’s actually pleasurable? You know, so we have to take stock, we have to remember that in the present, before we start evaluating the future is negative or, you know, the most recent negative thing, we have to remember what God has done already. And give him glory for that.

27:08
And that brings me to my fourth encouragement to change in the new year is to focus. Focus on the good, what we focus on grows. It happens in every area of life, what we focus on, gross. So when you’re grateful to God for what he’s given you, and I’m talking emotional, talking spiritual, and I’m talking relational. When you focus on what He has given you, in your marriage, he gives you more. And I want to read a very important parable in my life that I have. I’ve really been grateful for, and it comes from. So Matthew 2514 It says for it’s just like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted them with his possessions. To one he gave five talents to another two talents and to another one talent, each according to his own ability, and he promptly went on his journey. The servant who had received the five talents went and put them to work and gain five more. Likewise, the one who had two talents gained two more. But the servant who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his masters money. After a long time, the master of those servants returned to settle accounts with them. The servant who had received the five talents came and presented five more master, he said, You entrusted me with the five talents see, I have given you five more. And His master replied, Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things. I will put you in charge of many things, in turn into the joy of your master. The servant who had received the two talents also came and said, Master, you entrusted me with two talents, see, I have gained you two more. And His master replied, Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful with a few things. I will put you in charge of many things Enter into the joy of your master. Finally, the servant who had received the one talent came and said, Master, I knew that you are a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So when my fear I went and I hid your talent in the ground. See, you have now what belongs to you. And the master said, You wicked, lazy servant, replied the master. You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I had not Saturday. gathered seed, then you should have deposited my money with the bankers. And on my return, I would have received it back with interest. Therefore take the talent, therefore take the talent from him and give it to the one who has 10 talents for everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance, but the one who does not have even what he has will be taken away from him. And throw that worthless servant into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. So the last verse there is pretty serious. And throw that worthless servant into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. What I have discovered in these verses is that God entrusted each of us with everything we have everything, not material, not just material wealth, if the fact that you’re able to listen to my voice right now means you are more wealthy than at least 75% of the world, at least, so you have been entrusted my dear wife and husband, you have been entrusted with great wealth. So what are you doing with that wealth? But even more so, you know, what I’m even talking about is emotional, spiritual.

31:39
That kind of stuff in your marriage? You know, are you saying, Well, I don’t have the kind of marriage they have. So I don’t have enough to work hard on it, or I don’t have to do much. You know, I haven’t given been given the kind of husband that she had, I don’t have the kind of looks that she had. So I wasn’t able to attract that man that was able to have a lot of money. So I get to make my man feel miserable. Because XY and Z know that is not what God is calling us to be about. That was the lazy servant. That was the one that was thrown in outer darkness. Your job regardless of if you were given five talents, or two talents, or one talent, your job is not to compare. Your job is to say, You know what, my master, the God of the universe gave me what he gave me because he knew something that I don’t know. And I am going to invest it. I am going to work hard I am going to bring back I’m going to say when when I’m coming home, he is going to say well done good and faithful servant, you have been faithful with a few things. I will put you in charge of many things, Enter into the joy of your master. Enter into the joy of your master. That’s what God’s gonna say to you. If you are faithful with the few things, my dear wife, if you are faithful with a few things, that’s your time, your resources, your money, your passions, your affections, your servant heartedness. If you are faithful with those few things, with your marriage, with your relationships, with your kids, with your family, with your ministry, with your emotions with your character, those few things, if you are faithful, He will put you in charge of many things in turn to the joy of your master. And you don’t know if he’s going to put you in charge of many things on Earth, or in eternity, because he turned me God’s got work for us to do, we’re not just going to float around on clouds all day and eat bonbons. He’s going to have work for us to do and it’s going to be affected by what we’ve done here on earth. He will put us in charge of many things, there is more to be done. So I want to encourage you wherever you are in your marriage right now. You can be a good steward, you can be faithful with those few things. So again, for everyone who has will be given more for everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance but the one who does not have and here’s where I would input the one who thinks he does not have even what he has will be taken from him because that guy had a talent. But he thought he didn’t have anything. But God said even what he has will be taken away. So that is why I say focus. Focus on what you do have focus on how to invest in that. Appreciate what you Have invest in that be faithful with that, so that it can grow so that God can do more in your life in eternity. All right, serious stuff, serious, serious, serious stuff of talking about eternity, it’s not. It’s not something to laugh over. But I know that you are going to be faithful, I know that you are going to make big, big changes this year. 2019. So, the four things I encourage you, change your thoughts, interrupt those patterns, change your habits 40% of your life or habits. When you start feeling fear, you respond with affirmations of faith out loud, just one example. And then evaluate, become aware of your progress. Don’t forget to realize and thank God for what you’ve already accomplished, where God has already taken you in your marriage. And the last one is focus. Focus on what God wants you to be faithful with. And you are faithful in the small and God is going to reward you. Alright, my dear, I love you. I’m so grateful you’re tuned in I am going to do a little song for you that I hope will encourage you after the music

36:24
Alright, let me pray for you real quick. Father, God, the woman on the other end of this microphone. Lord, I just ask in Jesus name whatever stirred on her God, that you would just fan that flame. Lord give her fire for you again, God remind her of her first love, Father that 2019 is a year is that that life change happens that she grows closer to you, God, and then becomes more committed to your word, and your your ministry that you’ve called her to. And yeah, whatever you need to do, that she needs to whatever action she needs to take that you would lead her in that she is your daughter. It says that your sheep know your voice, and that I pray that she would know your voice. And God she would be guided, she would be kept from the wolves, Lord, and you would teach her in Jesus name. Amen. All right. And with that, I once again I want to just offer I would love to speak with you. If I have time on my calendar. Quickly book it, but one on one. And I hope that we can really get to the bottom of what’s going on. If you give me the opportunity to speak with you and I’m sure God is going to do some cool things. All right. That’s www.dy M dot h s.me. God bless you. I am excited. I will be talking to you next Tuesday, as well. And yeah, Happy New Year. Bye.

37:59
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.

38:25
How wanna sit at your feeds, drink from the cup in your hands. Lay back against you can breathe. Feel your heart be. This love is so de. It’s more than I can stand out in your piece. It’s so overwhelming. I wanna sit at your feet to drink from the cup in your hands. Lay back against you and breathe. Feel your harpy Miss Love so Dee. It’s more than I can stand. Amelle chin your piece. It’s overwhelming. I wanna sit at your feet. drink from the cup in your hands. Lay back against you and breathe. Feel your heart be. This love is so D it’s more than I can stand out in your piece. It’s so overwhelming. mean Jesus, I wanna sit at your feet. drink from the cup in your hands, lay back against you and breathe. Feel your Harpy. This love is so deep. It’s more than I can stand. I’m melting your piece. It’s so over me