205-Words in Sex

Words are important. They can cause a wildfire or a passionate flame in your bedroom.

Outside of the bedroom:

We can be hurtful and careless with our words and say “Oh he’s my husband”. Does that sound familiar? But is he really JUST your husband? That is God’s son you’re dealing with.

If you want to get your words in line with God’s will, one of the first things that needs to be done is to APOLOGIZE. Just get it out of the way. It’s hard, especially if it’s not part of the culture of your marriage. But it’ll get easier the more you do it!

When words are on purpose, intentional, and aligned with what God wants your husband to hear, then it’s easy to truly become ONE FLESH. Generous lovemaking becomes more natural to both of you.

Now onto the SEXY STUFF:

What CAN you say in sex?
Is God okay with you saying seductive phrases to your husband?
Could God even WANT you both to use your words to turn each other on?
What is going to encourage the bond between you and your husband?
If he’s aroused and you’re not (and vice versa!) — how do you turn each other on?
If you have a higher drive — it’s not your fault–but what actions can you take?
What about fantasy, sexy texts, and whispering attractive things in his ears?
So you might say “but I feel like I’m just FAKING IT?” or “It’s not my personality”. There’s plenty you can do!

Sexy language is going to feel silly at first. Just like when you study a new language! As you practice it, you get less awkward and you’ll push through and take courage in your marriage bed!

Resources:

I want to invite you on a FREE 40-minute Clarity Call with me if these are things that you struggle with and you feel very far away from being able to feel free in your sexual intimacy. It is extremely gratifying when you have the sexual intimacy you and he crave! Go to this website to schedule a chat with me: http://www.dym.as.me/

What happens at Clarity Calls? Well, we dig deep into what the issues are and I’ll listen and take notes. We’re going to talk about your dreams and desires and we would go through what would it look like to bridge the gap. I’m going to determine if you would be the right fit for my program and talk through the details and maybe invite you to be one of the few clients I take on this month.

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0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah rose.

0:18
Hello, hello, and welcome. Thank you so much for joining. If this is your first time with the podcast, I am so grateful that you’re joining, I don’t know where you are in this wonderful world. But I’m so honored that you’re tuning into my voice and my husband. So there’s a little treat today. You know, I’ve had many people reach out to me and say, I’d really love to hear from your husband, his advice about this particular situation or just in general. And so yeah, so he’s on today. And we’re just peripheral, that this is going to be something that gives you encouragement and inspiration today, and helps you in your marriage. And as you go forward today, in this week. So without further ado, we have the expectation that we’re always going to re record if we decide we need to so you can pick up nuggets from this conversation and you can leave the ones that don’t make sense to your particular situation in your life. So but yeah, I would love to kind of just ask my husband a couple of questions. And he’s just, you know, one of the wisest men, men I know, and I’m super grateful for that he shakes his head is as I said that but it’s true. And he’s just got a lot of really great encouragement I think for you. It’s one of his specialties as encouragement. So So honey, you know, I think that we hear from so many husbands and wives through this podcast, but I think I want to start out with husbands. Obviously, you’ve been on this journey with me for the last over four years now with this podcast, and before that, and when these men write into me, and they describe their situations, and just the men you know, in your life and your experience with what’s going on in marriages, I’m curious if you could kind of give maybe some guidance to them. And it doesn’t have to be organized and doesn’t have to be thought through it’s just you know, just some advice that a lot of men miss and it would be encouraging to them

2:44
okay, well I don’t know about that Weiss Weiss’s man or about giving advice he’s I feel like we all learning we’re all learning in our in our own way whether we see other couples the way that they act towards each other Oh for all those wives I believe that you made the right choice to to work with Bella my wife you know sometimes when she feels like you know someone is still having some hard time and they can see her like he cared about his wife so much that you want them to transform their lives which you are doing right now. A lot of times that we don’t realize a lot of things that we’re that we’re going through or we say through to our husbands or wives but we kept that those those things that those words that whatever the wife or husband says and we don’t tell them about how we feeling you know, one of the things that i What is it the other night I was feeling like all this thing inside but I feel like you know i i know that i i can tell her with no issues. Wedding I see my wife’s are taking notes about how I’m feeling. And to me it felt very I don’t know like like she really wanted to to to listen to me. You know, she said this is very important for me the way how you’re feeling because otherwise how how do I don’t want to help this? This this woman so for all your Ladies, you’re doing the the right work. You know sometimes it feels like you’re going further. Like far away. Sometimes you you feel like you’re you’re getting to understand I don’t for husbands I feel like, you know, like the world’s kind of like backwards, right? Like constantly husbands emailing to sue Bella about how they’re feeling about how, how their wives been treating them or Satan certain certain words. Wives, they, you know, the talk to Bella in Santa Baja their husbands are improved some things, but they just can’t see. I feel like it’s like, either is one or the other. But it’s not like bowling or this on the same on the same path on the same balance that there’s there’s always a there’s, I feel like some in our lives, whether we know someone or us, we went through weather as a child that we went through some some hard times. I I don’t know, maybe this is out of the question. But I feel like I’ve been myself when before I met belah I was depressed, I was a surprise, I was smoking, drinking. And that’s when all the friends are coming in. You know? Oh, you know, all those things that I’m feeling like, I want to end my life because there is no purpose. Because life was too painful.

6:34
But I didn’t think about my mum that this poor woman that she gave birth to me that I see my I see my wife how she gave birth to my two babies. And I’m like, it is very hard. Even just to see, I don’t know how you all ladies do that. I keep telling my wife that if every man will give birth to one child that will understand more other wives, maybe. But definitely have more compassion. He’s I feel like as a man Are we is hard for us to apologize. Even though sometimes we make a mistake, whether we say words or do something. And it’s hard because our price too, too high. And we don’t want to let ourselves to be less men, if you can say that. And we just want to say do something else for their wives. We cannot say like, you know what I’m you know, I’m sorry, I make this mistake. Please forgive me, I will do my best to, to honor you. You know, but just say that a lot of us we don’t we don’t say it. We you know, I was telling my wife that sometimes I’ve recorded my boys because I’m listening to her podcasts all the time. And I’m learning a lot of things. And I, you know, this husbands that, that they email to my wife, about all the things that they say, I feel like man it is it is hard. I do not want to be in that position where you are. Whether you lost someone, or it’s just an argument. You’re not happy when you get home. The board is start mentioning and I feel like paying the Boris, there’s like the most one of the small stressful things in our lives. Because you’re not focused about anything. You’re not focused about your work about your family, nor your kids. Or your focus about this negative stuff and the bores in a feel like what what happened? What happened, why that work came up the bores what happened? And of course, you want to start finding out like Did I do something wrong? Or always because she did something wrong and or I did something wrong, right? I feel like God give you this daughter, your wife to you? What is it that you did? The first time for you to to gain her heart? What is it that you did? What is it that you said to her? For her to start feeling the inside that that this is the man that I’m been looking for? And then something happened? What happened? What do you do you need to do to change something’s behavior? less angry and what One of the things I feel like it’s we got to be careful with our words. We have to be careful with our words. Because sometimes, you know, we don’t, we don’t measure words, we just say it. And he’s too late. If you tell it to your wife, it’s already out. You know, and you got to make up for that. I sometimes I made mistakes. I made a mistake all the time. You know, and think that Bella is so kind that she talked to me calmly. And I feel like, you know, this one of the things that I used to feel every time when we had an argument, I feel like she’s wanting to divorce me, and she’s wanting to take my kids away from me. Isn’t it like, silly the way that I used to think? And I’m like, I don’t know, she made me feel so comfortable that I’m like this. Wow, how feeling? Hey, you know, start crying this whole thing. But and then she she says, Honey, I’m so sorry about how you’ve been feeling this way. Every time we had his arguments. You know, that means that we really had to break this barrier. Especially how you’re feeling how, you know, won’t leave you for that you just have, you know, just like any other couples.

11:19
And I feel like I free myself will be in peace. Because I feel insecure that like oh, we have our you I don’t like arguments. I don’t like you know, disagreements. And that’s my first thing that I feel like, I just want to divorce me and take my kids away from me. And because I seen them a lot. I see him a lot I see on the streets. Wife is yelling to husband husband’s yelling to wife. Everybody’s listening. I’m like, What is the reason they’re doing it? Why? Why they’re yelling so we can know their problems. Want to just you know, what? Can we discuss this and privately? Take a deep breath and say, Can we discuss this? Probably because man will not be quiet. If you want to scream at him. Cuz he’s no, he’s not want to feel like he’s less than a man. So he’s wanting to start yelling back. I feel like for for all this woman. Like sometimes my my wives. She says like, I know, I can help them. I know I can help them. But it shows they’re not ready to. To be coach. And you know, I just feel like for this other thing for about the group for husbands, you know, years, I feel like we’ve been talking about this and it was like if it’s right is it’s okay or not and what the husband will think about me and you know, all those things. And husband’s been reached out to Bella, do you have to? Do you have a program or a course about for husbands? Bella says that you know, only for wives because I feel comfortable. But I feel like husbands are so much in pain that I feel like it’s right. I’m like, you know, you can? Let’s try it and who knows, you know, they they’ve been asking and that’s what my wife has been reaching out to this husbands that they email to her about her pain. And I feel like I you know, this is what I tell belah about that. Husbands, sometimes our emotions a little more stronger. That sometimes when they’re not happy, we’re not happy. We say some things that will might hurt your feelings that just to be aware of that weather they don’t see weather there. They don’t see and they cannot see and they want to see the results. So because they’re in pain, they want to say certain words to you. And I feel like even if you try to do the best that you can just to help them right to help them you’re not trying to hurt them to help them but they still be some one will see the negative the negativity. There’s there going to be someone there always has been there always has been someone that won’t see and because he is in pain. So he will he or she will bring something negative to negative stuff. In fear we all have been this way. Me even sometimes. I feel like when you know when I’m hearing something and I just start judging that person because I am not happy with something. And I’m like I don’t know their their their lives. I don’t know their religion. Ship. I don’t know why I started judging, I’m assuming that oh is the husband, whatever, you know. And I feel like it’s this husband. I wanted to say all this time, this husband, or one of them, that she emailed to Bella about, like, how lucky your husband is to have you that I wish my wife will understand me. The way do you understand us? And you, husband, I thank you for that reminder. I thank you so much for the reminder. Because you know, sometimes we take it for granted. We know we have it, we know we’ll have it. So we get used to it, Be comfortable. And then we are doing something else. Because we know we have an will go away, instead of like waking up every single every single morning. And then is it like be amazing that you wake up every single morning? And then you got that woman of your dreams by your side? Or you got a man of your dreams by your side?

16:16
How will you feel? Husband? When was the last time that you wake up before your wife? When you rest they if you have rest days, bring some coffee to your wife in his or her new you like some coffee? Or we like some tea or anything. Just something that she did not expect? And use Look at her face. How much her phrase phases like, wow, what’s going what’s going on, you don’t just let her say how she’s feeling something. But also don’t expect something back. Because if you want to do something, and you’re expecting something back, please don’t do it. Please don’t do it because you’re going to hurt her. Because when you expect something back and you’re not getting it, your words are want to come out. They want to come out and the wrong time. And you’re want to say hurtful things. Because your wife hasn’t do these things that you’re expecting to have. Because you’re expecting that if you want to do because this is your wife is somebody your wife that you are you cherish her, you you you go with her if she’s in pain, you taking care of her. For her to feel like, thank you so much for taking care of me last night because I was in pain, or thank you for taking care of the kids. Or thank you for cleaning. I feel like we men should never get tired. You know, I when I have my two jobs i i work at you know, early come home really late. And you know, my wife was having some hard times. So I get up before her or with her. Even I am so tired. Because I wasn’t expecting something back. Because otherwise I’ll be just complaining. And we’re here to listen to her wives. And I feel like the same as some wives that I see. Not ready to listen. You know, and sometimes I see like, in both ways. You know, even our own our marriage, or in our friends how you know, sometimes they sell their husbands. You know, like, Oh, he’s he’s out of shape he can play. He’s he’s out of shape. I know that. Just kidding. I know. You’re joking. But I tell my wife, would I please please don’t say those things to me. Even if you’re joking. Because I feel like oh, I am in fat. You know, and I’m like, really? How husband? How wife will feel like if their husbands will say those things, oh, my wife is out of shape. She can run this this far. Whatever. How will you wife will feel like if the husband will say those words. Did I say those words to you? You don’t say those words to me? No. Well, why don’t say those words. To me. The reason why I say that is because I hear some some of our friends some people that we know that we said no. I feel like no, my wife is like constantly sometimes she says I I love you so much that you don’t even you don’t know how much I love you. And I feel the same way I feel like you know, like, he just this morning when I said I, you know, sometimes you, you told me that you love me that I had no idea how much you loved me. And I feel I feel the same way. I only trust that you love me. And I said, you can compare how much I love you. Because I love you more. And all those things. You know, sometimes I do other things just like Oh, honey, thank you so much. I really appreciate those things. And what you do, or is he said to me? And you know, just to be clear all those things about my wife, none of them. Say that to me. In sometimes when we have some discussion, and I mean, not arguments, some serious conversation. You know, we are aware of off, we’re not trying to hurt each other, we are not trying to hurt each other. But we try to find what happened. As painful as it is. We had to find out what happened. And she’s always calmly and, you know, encouraging.

21:08
And, you know, I love to hear when when I say like, you know, I made a mistake. I apologize. I’m sorry. And then, you know, my wife says like, it’s okay, you know, I forgive you. And I feel like me who feel I personally? I feel like okay, I still I still have my wife back, something like that. I don’t know how to describe you know? I don’t know, just just sometimes. I I feel that for all your husbands. I I feel your your pain? Because I’ve been there. I’ve been there for so many years, that you feel like there is no way there is no way to get out. Especially the board start coming up. You know, you don’t focus about anything you don’t you’re not focusing about serving your wife? Absolutely not. You’re trying to come is kind of like your focus about how to take revenge. I don’t know if that makes sense. I feel like you’re taking revenge. Like, what is it that she’s getting it? What is it that she’s you know, I’m getting it? So we I can’t, I don’t know? Or has our wives you know, think about this revenge. And I’m like, Well, what good is want to come out for that? Oh, guaranteed nothing, I will guarantee nothing come up. It will be just just you guys are our argument all the time. Friends, and I want to talk to each other families, that you spend that for years. I feel like if if you are encouraged to just choose, you know, talk to talk to Bella, see, see how you feel. And I don’t know, it just is I don’t I don’t know what what to say. But just to see how you feel, if she understands. And if you’re ready to make that step. You know, do what you have to do. If you may, if you feel like she understands you, if you feel like you understand where you’re coming from. And then if you don’t feel like like that, and then you know you the good things you’re looking for help. That’s a good thing looking for and that way you’re looking for help. Mine is not not not having that, you know, you’re looking for help. And that is very, very good to knowledge that, you know, see how you feeling it. But if you’re if you’re not, if you don’t think you feel comfortable or anything like that, you know, find somewhere else that that might be able to help you even more. You know, and but I believe I believe that she you know, I? I don’t understand how she understand me. i i Don’t you know this husband says like how do you understand us? Like the way that we think and how we do and what we said

24:27
Isn’t he amazing? All right. Well, I am so grateful that you tuned in and you listened in this week. I want to invite you if you are a husband or a wife, I’ve been doing Clarity Calls actually for wives now for about several months and they’ve just been so fulfilling and so wonderful to really speak one on one with you to hear your story and hear where you’re coming from and where you want to go and kind of throughout that conversation I’m trying to discern, okay, is this someone that I can really help in, and you know that I want to feel like they’re the right fit for one of my programs. And if that’s the case, then I may invite them, and I may, you know, process with them what that would look like. And, you know, if not, they get a ton of clarity and by God’s grace, you know, women on those calls with me leave thinking through things that they never have before. And, and I have had that feedback before. And I also am careful, because there’s not everyone that I feel my program is the right fit for. And so I try to be really careful about who and when I offer something to the particular person, what I’m offering to them, if it’s really going to be the right fit for them, and their situation. Now, it’s really cool. I have just been, you know, given such good. How do I describe it, God has done so much with my work. So I want to just share with you what he’s done is the podcast has been awarded 19th of the top 30 relationship podcasts out there. So that’s amazing. And I work with therapists, and some of these therapists actually coach other marriages, or they work with they, you know, work with other marriages on other aspects of their marriages. And, you know, I’ve been consulted by sex therapists to receive advice for their clients, and my materials are used with licensed sex therapist with their own clients. And, you know, I’m just so grateful. Today, someone I’m working with, she’s a licensed therapist, and she was like, she’s like, You are really good. And I was really honored because she is the type of person that doesn’t just give out compliments. So it’s, it’s really amazing what God does. And I say that because I want you to have a little bit of backing behind what my husband just shared in some of the advice that’s on this podcast by God’s grace, it is changing lives, and you can have hope that your marriage can transform. And so what I want to do is open these Clarity Calls to not just women, but also men, because right now, I’m actually accepting men into a pilot program of masculinity reclaimed, be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy, and love being married again. That’s what this program is called. And that’s really the focus is, is to help men really understand what is repelling their wives, from wanting to make love. And instead, what is going to motivate her and bring her to a place where she wants to make love. She is enjoying the whole experience, and how do you make it enjoyable and exciting for her? And where are the, you know, the breakdowns of communication between the two of you? And how do you get your marriage on the right path. So this is a phenomenal pilot program. It’s definitely the lowest investment it’ll ever be. But I want to make sure it’s the right fit for you. So if you go to dy M, sorry, www.dy M dot A s dot m, e, you and I can get on a call, and we can chat through Is this the right fit for you. And that’s again, a free 40 minute call, where I can speak with you about this potential. And you chuck through the challenges you’re having, and see if you know this is the right thing to really transform what’s going on for you. God bless you, I hope that you have a phenomenal rest of your day and that this was an encouragement for you. I want to pray for you before we go, Lord, whoever is listening on the other end of this line, I asked her that this would be encouraging and inspiring. And

29:00
thank you so much for my husband and thank you for his heart for the people that are listening, that we we and he prays for them all the time. And I just ask God that you would honor those prayers and change lives. Change hearts, change the wives back to the husband change the husband’s back to the wives, Lord, honor those marriage commitments those vows God in Jesus name, we pray for change. In Jesus name. We thank you for all that you’re doing all over the world, that you are causing that change to happen. I pray that you would continue to do it. Amen. Alrighty, I will talk to you next week. Bye.

29:44
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion.

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