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How do you become MORE attractive to your wife? 

What exactly do I mean when I say “attraction”? 

Well, it’s kind of like having a pull towards yourself. Whatever it is that you’re doing, it’s going to pull her and cause her to desire you. When you’re attractive to her, she’ll also have a physical desire towards you.

What can you do as a spouse to cause her to be interested again? To be FULLY in the marriage again?

My theory? Attraction works outside of marriage like this:

 You are a whole human being with your own passions and desires and she starts being drawn to your power and confidence. Slowly, through time, you BOTH start to fall in love. 

It’s simple:

Chemistry (natural attraction) + spending time with each other = being attracted to someone

We’ll be attracted to different types of people our whole lives. It’s up to us as married people to not spend time with others. 

So how do you become the whole man that you want to be?

• By desperately seeking her love?
• By wishing to spend more time with her?

This is the kind of work that I do with the men that I work with in The Masculinity Reclaimed program. If you want to get tailored advice and deep insight into your own marriage, you can do so by scheduling a call at www.dym.as.me .

transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. This show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here’s your host, belah. Rose.

0:21
Alright, so in this episode, I want to talk about becoming more attractive. This is belah. Rose, this is the delight your marriage podcast, I’m really excited that you’re here. This is a safe space to talk about intimacy, all sorts of types in your marriage, whether it’s emotional, spiritual, or physical intimacy. The reason I think this topic is important, is I’m going to direct it to men. Because a lot of men are really looking for a greater sexual intimacy in their marriage, whether it’s more frequency, more variety, or her, you know, a greater engagement from her. And a lot of that has to do with his attractiveness. So you might be thinking, okay, belah, are you telling me to go, you know, live in the gym and benchpress? And, you know, somehow grow your size? So you’re six foot one or two? And the answer is no, I’m not asking you to do that, in the least, when I say attraction, I’m talking about a pool towards yourself, what’s going to pull her and cause her to desire you, and have a physical desire for you. I mean, I work with husbands that have recently been separated from their wives, and she has left or, you know, in similar fashion, so that she’s not interested in the marriage anymore. And so what can you do as a spouse to cause her to be interested, again, to want to spend time with you and love you and be in the marriage again? Well, some of this stuff might sound counterintuitive. But I want you to really understand that this is where women are coming from. Now, the way Attraction works outside of a marriage, is you essentially get this notion of the other person that they are a full human being, with their own interests with their own passions and excitement, as a person, and you kind of start being drawn to their power and their confidence. And slowly over time, and because you have that chemistry, through time with each other, you start to fall in love. And so that’s really my definition and theory behind why people fall in love is, first of all, they have that chemistry, which is natural attraction. That just I don’t know how God decided to drop that on people, but I think he does. And so the natural thing, but then it’s just spending time with each other. It’s just time. So any of us can be attracted to just about anyone that we have chemistry with, we can have that, that feelings of attraction, but it’s up to us as married faithful people, to not pursue that attraction with time. So for you, as a spouse, looking to attract your your spouse back, what you want to do, your husband is to become the whole man that you once were the man that attracted your wife from the beginning. What was it? Was it you desperately seeking her love? Was it you? Wishing you could spend time with her and saying, why don’t we spend time anymore kind of complaining attitude, that it’s her fault that you guys don’t have a good marriage? No, those are not things that are going to make her want to be with you anymore. But the things that are going to make her want to be with you is when you start filling your life up with things that are attractive. So the interesting thing about this is when you think about the fruits of the Spirit, they are very attractive qualities. Well, let’s talk about them together. So love. You know, that’s exciting, right? When you are a person of love when you love others, whether it’s your family, friends, your wife, you’re just a person of love. Joy, you have fun in life, right you’ve you’ve decided and created a life that is good and fun. and positive love, joy, peace, where you’re not worried, you’re not anxious, you’re not in a place of constant concern for the future, you developed that skill.

5:15
Love, joy, peace, patience, where this is something that you’re not rushing all the time, you’re willing to be present in the moment, you’re willing to have deep conversations without thinking, Okay, the next step must be. I mean, who knows, I’m rolling my eyes making love, like, that’s often how men think they’re, they’re like, Oh, good, maybe this conversation is going to end and making love or maybe tonight’s the night. Honestly, your patience is what’s more attractive. The patient’s you have to hold her in, when she’s really needing you, having patience to listen and really be present with her in those love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, goodness is, you know something where you have a purpose in this life. It’s not just your marriage, you are not just consumed with your marriage, but you want to be a person that has God’s ambition for your life in mind, always. So we all have different purposes, we’re not all called to be doing the same thing. For example. Paul was called to minister to the I might mess this up, I can’t remember if it was he was called to the Jews. Or he was called to the Gentiles, I think he must have been called to the Gentiles. And Peter was called to the Jews. But anyway, you know, God is that I mean, and that’s what it says in the Bible. So God is very careful about our strengths and our proclivities and our weaknesses and our experiences and, and the ways and interests that he gave us and the family, he put us in all of these things, he has got specific work for us to do. And so for you, as a man to be totally about God’s work is really important in terms of attracting your wife back, it’s not interesting for a man to be obsessed with his marriage. That’s not attractive. It just is like, wait a second, that’s not interesting is that the whole thing you why you wake up in the morning is because of your wife, like it’s great that your your marriage supports your life and is positive for your family. But it shouldn’t be your only purpose.

7:54
Love joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, being kind to others, being kind to your family, your kids, those around you. Kindness is extremely a traffic of joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, that’s also something that men often forget to exhibit, being gentle with people with your wife, that when you say something, you say it in a way that’s tactful, and you are careful with your words to be gentle. The next one is faithfulness, that is extremely attractive when you are pursuing the Word of God on your own. When you are someone who’s about the love of God, when you are reading your Bible, when you are journaling about what you have found in it when you are consistent and you’re in church and you love God with your with your whole heart, those things, attract her to want to pursue God more. And then finally, self control. You know, the glutton is not the attractive person or the person that is not sexually self controlled, where you know, you’re addicted to different sexual sins. Self control is very attractive. And, you know, the discipline of for example, working out is extremely attractive as well. So think about who you were when you guys fell in love. And you might have fallen into old habits and that’s okay. All right. Now, wherever you are, in order to become more attractive to your spouse, get back into those rhythms into those systems, and you can do it. I want to encourage you that you’re not a victim to this life. By God’s grace, He gives us everything we need to live this life according to what he wants for us. And I have been in really horrible situations in this life and by God’s grace They don’t have to be permanent. So what you’re going through right now, whether it’s a horrible job, or a horrible spot in your marriage, or things with your kids, or your finances, or all sorts of things that you might be going through family stuff, the death of someone you love, all of those really challenging suffering things in life, it’s not going to be permanent. Not all of it is under your control, right. But there are things that you can do that are under your control that involve you and you alone. And you can do those things, you have the Holy Spirit inside of you, guiding you empowering you. And you can become a person that’s more attractive to your wife. You don’t have to feel like you’re powerless around this. She can come back. So I just encourage you to have that vision, and to not give up hope and to be a person of faith, to say your prayers in faith and not self pity. But faith. Be a man that you are proud of, that you yourself look up to. And don’t come to compare yourself to others, but compare yourself to who you were yesterday, that every day you’re getting better and better. You know, this is the kind of honestly the kind of work that I do with men is that not only do you need the guidance, but you need the support and the accountability. And then you need more tailored advice to what you’re doing and how progress happens and where the results are coming. That’s why I have my program masculinity reclaimed, be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again. That’s really what my work is about. If this is something that’s interesting to you, or vital to you, and you feel like this is something you need to know if it’s the right fit, you can go to www.dy m.as.me. And you and I can get on a 40 minute call, we can dive into your marriage. And my whole mission there is to give you clarity on what’s going on, and have the discerning hat is if you if you’d be the right fit for my program, if I can help you. And then we’ll talk about that, what that could look like. But otherwise, you’re going to get amazing value on that call. And it’s a $500 value. So I encourage you to sign up as soon as you can.

12:35
All right, well, I encourage you, I’m going to pray for you before we sign off. Lord, You are the most powerful, you are the God of the universe, you raise people from the dead, even now, even today, you have incredible miracles. Just the other day you healed my nephew from knee pain that just randomly appeared. And you completely healed him before the hospital doctors could even understand what was going on, based on the video is and then he was completely healed. So these are the kinds of miracles that happen all the time. Lord, I asked for faith that you would just imbue faith in the husband listening, that that he can attract his wife back, that he doesn’t have to force her or push her or guilt her into coming back to him but he can attract her back. Based on moving in the direction you want him to move as a human as a person, that that this is actually your will for his life. And if the motivation starts out to attract his wife back, fine by me, that’s great. But ultimately, Father I pray it would be for your glory. Maybe our earthly motivation is to keep the family together and and attract the wife back but God I pray in Jesus name, Lord, that He would become the man you want him to become. Give him faith give him power and his inner man, Holy Spirit you you empower us to do everything you want us to do to live by the Spirit to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit. I pray in Jesus name would you give him that grace in the season to grow exactly the way that you want him to? In Jesus mighty name. We love you. We praise you. Thank you for what you’ve already started. Continue this good work we pray. Awesome. Thank you for listening in and I’ll talk to you next week.

14:38
Thanks for listening. If you’ve been blessed by this, why not share it. Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion