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I’ve been asking women about how they feel about seduction because 1-that’s what I hear so often from the husbands I coach. They crave to be seduced by their wives. 2-that’s what I hear so often from wives…

I’m not comfortable.

I don’t know what to do.

Is God even OK with it?

We have been married for so many years, how do I start?

How do I get over feeling silly?

I want to encourage you. Because the third reason I wanted to record this is because this is how I have felt MANY times over.

It’s only since I’ve understood where my husband is coming from that I began to prioritize this. And when I started to see the holiness and God’s approval of more fierce intimacy did I seek to walk in this with confidence. I want to give you encouragement in this podcast. And I want to give you practical tools.

You can get that from my favorite 5 tips: www.delightyourmarriage.com/5tips then when the email gets to you, respond to me with “I want in” and you’ll get on the list to receive my 3-part video training on seduction.

transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hey, guys, and welcome. I’m so excited that you’re with me, this is belah rose. So if you haven’t been here before, we talk about intimacy. And this is a safe space to do that. And by God’s grace, we’ve had hundreds of 1000s of listens all around the world. And this is really something to share with those that may be suffering in the same way. That’s what I hear over and over again, from wives and husbands is they feel so alone in what they’re struggling with in intimacy. And I want to help you, I want to help normalize what you’re going through and give you the resources, the inspiration, the empowerment, to move forward, to get out of the pain, and actually have pleasure and joy and fun that really flows to the rest of your life. So I want to talk today about not knowing what to do in intimacy. This is something I hear a lot from women, and especially as I’m asking women about seduction, because that’s really what I want to focus on here. That’s generally their response is I don’t know what to do. You know, we’ve been married a decade, couple of decades, and I just don’t feel competent in it, knowing how to act or what to do. I was working with a man, and he and his wife went away for their anniversary, which kudos to him that he planned to the whole thing, you did a great job. And they had a wonderful time. And when when they were soon to leave the place that they had rented, she pulls some lingerie out of her bag, and she laughs I was like, oh, gosh, I forgot to use it. Now, he didn’t think it was all that funny. He shared with me that normally, he would have responded really angrily and frustrated because of her not realizing how important that is to him. Now, thankfully, he’s worked with me. So he didn’t respond that way. Otherwise, it would have definitely pushed them back rather than forward in the way that he wants to go, which is a more free, intimate relationship between them. But every husband listening knows that feeling of like, it would be so easy for her to entice me sexually, but she just won’t do it. She’s not comfortable with it, she won’t get outside of her comfort zone, she won’t stretch herself. Now, as a wife, I know that it’s not that easy. And in fact, she didn’t quote, forget as much as she was like, Well, I mean, I’m gonna have my clothes off anyway, I’m going to be naked, like, what’s the point of having lingerie anyway, it’s just uncomfortable. And I don’t feel like I look like the models and the pictures. And what’s the point? And the husband is like, the point is everything. You know, the thing is, women understand a, you know, a part of where their husband is coming from. But what I want to invite you to consider is that there’s more to understand of his heart and his thoughts in his mind. And if you go to any of my testimonials or reviews, a lot of them are for men, they find my podcast, which originally was meant just for women, they find it because they’re looking for help. They’re like, I don’t understand why my wife won’t love me in the way that I feel loved. What’s going on? Is there something wrong with me? Am I a sex addict? Is there an issue on my side? And the thing is no, God made sex to be extremely powerful between a husband and a wife. That’s the purpose. And so for him, he was designed to love the female form. He was designed to love the way you look. And seduction is a huge part of that, because it’s this teasing. It’s this excitement, it’s this, oh my gosh, what does she look like under there and the slow reveal. And that matters because you are the only holy outlet for his sexual desires. And he has a sexual man and God made him that way. He literally has erections on a consistent basis. Many a day and every time that happens, it’s a it’s a immediate trigger around intimacy. And so you as a wife are encouraged to I encourage you to love him in that way, that’s

5:01
what he’s craving for. That’s what he wants to be loved for. So if you think that you don’t know what to do, I want to just make that super normal for you. Most women feel that way, inside and outside of the church, they just feel they don’t know what to do. And women that were far more open when they got married, sexually speaking. Still, you know, let’s say it’s 10 years later, I work with a lot of couples that way, whether I work with a husband or the wife, or both separately, both of them would admit to her being far more open sexually, in the beginning. So what happened? Why now? Does she feel so insecure? Why now? Doesn’t she feel safe to express herself when she used to feel just fine with it? So I think there’s two things that I would encourage one is something that is, maybe what you would expect me to say, is this idea of fake it till you make it. I prefer a different way of saying that I don’t think faking it is exactly what you’re doing. I think you’re acting in faith, you’re acting in a way that soon is what you’re going to feel. Now, I don’t wake up every morning thinking I am, rock star in bed, I am amazing in this way. And that way, I have confidence easily in all things, intimate related, that was definitely not me for a very long time. And sometimes it’s not me even now. And so I have to just walk in faith that it’s going to catch up to me that those feelings are going to catch up to me. But honestly, ladies, we are not controlled by our feelings we’re not supposed to be we’re supposed to be controlled by our decisions, who we decide to be daily, is who we are. So I want to invite you, I want to encourage you to be thinking about who are you deciding to be with your spouse? are you deciding to have faith and say, you know, what, I don’t care what the enemy wants to lie to me and the comparisons of all the women on the magazines, and etc, etc, I instead I’m going to love my spouse the way that he receives love. I know that’s what God wants. And so to do that, he wants to see my body. And so I’m going to have a light on, I’m going to not cover my body with sheets, I’m going to go outside of my comfort zone and use lingerie, I’m going to allow him to enjoy the physical visual feast of my body. That’s what I invite you to do. So do it in faith, act in faith, that you’re going to start to feel more comfortable because the truth is you will, everything in sex felt uncomfortable in the beginning everything, every every single thing. And it wasn’t until you did it once, twice, three times over and over again, that suddenly it did become your personality and your identity sexually speaking. So that’s the first one do it in faith. The second one is I want you to have knowledge around it. I want you to get what’s going on here. I want you to know what to do how to do it. The words you can say the ways you can move your body, the ideas, all of that I want you to get all that stuff. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you out into the you know off the tree to to fly when you’re a baby bird and yet you have no wings yet. I want you to have all that. And so don’t feel like you’re required now after listening to this episode to try to do everything. You know there’s a lot of women have concerns of is this even godly? Is this even okay? So that’s the kind of work I want to give you. So here’s a couple of resources to give you right away. First one is I have five favorite tips around seduction very practically, how to move you to the next phase, the next level, you can go to www dot delight your marriage.com/the number five tip s five tips. The other thing, which once you sign up is very soon. In the next few days, I’m going to really be releasing a three video part series. That’s all about seduction. And I want to give you practical tools in that. No I don’t share all that stuff on a podcast. Just as a result of There’s many people who listen to my podcast and I don’t want it to be open to that broad of an audience simply because of the specificity.

9:54
But what I can give you is once you get on the emails Make sure that you reply to my email to make sure that you receive it. Sometimes my stuff goes into spam without, and somebody actually wants my stuff. And so you just have to reply to the email, say I want in, and the directions will be there for you. But when you say that, then the free three part video series will will get to you. So that’s enough of like, how to get you the info the the insight, because like I said, it only goes so far if we don’t have the depth of understanding. We can only like push ourselves so far. Yeah, I was having a relaxed conversation with a new friend recently. And I was talking to her about her marriage because she wanted to know she was open to it. So I was like, okay, yeah, well, you know, let me ask you questions. Let me hear what’s going on in your in your marriage now and your intimacy and all that stuff. And she was kind enough to tell me that she felt insecure, and they’ve been married for for several years. And she still felt like she didn’t know what to do and very infrequent sex. And she didn’t understand his mind around this. So they had marital problems, I asked her on a scale of zero to four, how does she feel about her emotional intimacy? How does she feel about her spiritual intimacy with Him? How does she feel about their physical intimacy, and all of those were under a level five, somewhere much lower than that. And, you know, she’s smiling, she’s wonderful. I love her personality, love who she is. But let me tell you what, if that is where you guys are, you feel lonely, day in and day out, because I have been there, and it feels very lonely. Even though you’re in a marriage, even though you’re walking past one person every day, in your home, or whatever else, wherever you guys go, you say I love you on the phone, if that’s where you guys are, that is a lonely place to be. And so I was able to open up some new insights for her about sex. When it’s normal, it’s consistent, it’s generous, it’s often you understand that He desires a lot of variety. I’m going to tell you what, a lot of your problems as a couple go away. The anger, the resentment, the frustrations, that tension, a lot of that just plain old dissipates, you don’t have those problems anymore. Because you’re consistently filling each other with the amazing feelings of intimacy. I read that a wife doesn’t release or sorry, oh, a husband doesn’t release oxytocin in his body, which is a feel good hormone in any time except sex, except when he has an orgasm. Now for women, we get oxytocin released, when we hang out with a friend and we share our heart, we have a really good heart to heart conversation, a hug will do that, for us holding a baby talking to a girlfriend, like we get oxytocin released all the time. But for men, it’s when they have an orgasm. So it’s really important for you to seek to love him in that way. And he can, so much of that, that pain can just dissipate. You know, it’s interesting. A few times my husband has said this after intimacy, and it really surprised me. But he said, You know, sometimes I’ll ask him, What is his favorite part? Or how is he feeling or whatever, just to enjoy that kind of after sex glow, I encourage you to do the same with your spouse. And one thing he said several times is like, I just feel like everything’s gonna be okay. I just feel like everything’s gonna be okay. And it’s so interesting, because it’s not like he was he’s an extremely worried, you know, scared person or whatever. But that’s the, that’s the feeling he gets after making love. And to me, I’m like, how did you get that from, from the intense experience we just had, but that’s the way he responds. It’s a spiritual, powerful, magical moment for him. And I want to just invite you to understand it that way. So I’ve mentioned this many times on my podcast before, but let me be clear, he wants to see your body. You are his only holy avenue for incredible female curves and he loves female curves. God made him to love female curves. If you read through the creation story, when Adam woke up and saw Eve, he sang a song because he was so impressed with how beautiful she was. He was made to be attracted to the power of your intimacy.

14:45
So I want to address this kind of funny elephant in the room is it’s weird. It’s awkward. You know, a lot of women are like I wouldn’t normally perform in front of him. If I was an opera singer. I wouldn’t normally just get awkward dressed up and sing him up Italian opera. That would be weird. So why would he want me to get completely out of my comfort zone? Get all dressed up, do a dance like why would that be? And doesn’t that remind him of lots of other negative things that maybe he’s seen, and maybe that’s sinful. And so I want to just invite you to consider that your husband loves you, that your husband cares about you, that your husband desires you. And these are all just wonderful ways that you can love him, you can be generous to him more, so it matters way more to him than then cooking a meal or, or serving Him in other ways, because you might be like, but I love him in so many other ways. I’m like, this is the way he really is seeking you to love him. It’s just true. It’s just the way God created them is a great thing. And if you don’t know what to do, I want to help you in that. Don’t let that hold you back. Don’t let that hold you back. And sister. Do it in faith. Do what you already know to do. Do it tonight. Do it today. Start. Start now. Start now. All right, God bless you once again, free resource for you delight your marriage.com/number Five tip s and again, when you sign up in your inbox, just send me a quick reply. I read all my replies. I want to know what you’re thinking how you’re feeling, and that’ll make sure that you get the next three video teachings that I have on seduction. Alright, God bless you and I’ll talk to you more soon.