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Today’s interview is a story of resilience and hope.
Catherine goes into her story lightly because her full story is extremely difficult to take in.
HOWEVER, there is hope. Catherine is a living example that God can heal you.
1 in 4 women AND 1 in 6 men have suffered some form of sexual trauma. So, the healing needs to happen for SO many of us.
What can you do as a wife or husband to heal?
What can you do to help your spouse heal?
What are the underlying causes for pain for the person who is trying to help their spouse heal?
There’s a lot of great insights even for practical and fun ways to heal… yeah it doesn’t have to be another exercise in pain to heal.
God can help even when the mood is light!
To find out more about Catherine Wilson’s work, visit: https://www.stoptraffickingus.org/
If thoughts are inhibiting you in the bedroom and you’re a wife, I’d like to get my 8 Secrets to Staying Present in Intimacy for FREE, you can go to this link!
Part 2 is coming out next week, I hope you’ll come back for that on Thursday!
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi, there, thank you so much for joining me, this is belah rose. I am really sobered and excited for this conversation. I have an amazing guest on Catherine Wilson. And she talks about well, she talks a little bit about her journey. Her journey is very difficult and painful. And she really knows the depths of darkness around sexual abuse. And she also has healed in incredible ways. So this conversation is for the husband that wants to help his wife heal. And it’s also for the wife who is seeking to heal because one in four women are sexually abused, and one in six men are as well. So there’s so much shame around sexual abuse, whether you’re a husband, or a wife. And Catherine gives us a lot of tools in this first part of how to do that, and what that could be like, there’s a resource I want to invite you to get. And basically it’s the eight secrets to help a wife stay present in the midst of lovemaking. Because sometimes flashbacks happen sometimes just all sorts of things kind of crowd out in the moment of intimacy and I want to invite you to have some tools and resources for that. So you can go to www dot delight your marriage.com/present p r e s e n t. So the eight secrets to remain present, and intimacy. Okay, once again, Catherine has got an incredible insights and journey. And the work she does now is amazing. So I hope that you’re going to really gain a lot from this conversation. All right, welcome. Welcome to like your marriage listener. I’m so excited. You’re here. I have Catherine Ann Wilson on the line. Welcome, Catherine. Glad to be here. Thank you. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. And this is actually our second time chatting here in the last couple months. So I appreciate this. This is a kind of a re record for the listener. Um, Catherine has a really difficult and sad story that she has lived through. And I found her so inspiring and so encouraging, because she has not just lived through it. But she’s also healed God’s grace and been able to now help so many others in a similar situation. So we’re going to kind of paint her story in more broad strokes. But we’ll have the link to her website. So if you want to find out more details around her story, you absolutely can. I found for me, it was pretty difficult to function after hearing her story because it was so hard. But it goes to show that we’re going to be talking about the healing journey that she’s going on since. And so if you are listening, have had some really difficult traumas in your life, around sexuality. If someone like Katherine can heal, so can you. So that’s the heart. And that’s the takeaway, right? That you know, it’s the it’s the glory of God’s healing. Yes, that is absolutely possible. And if you’re someone who’s easily triggered, probably ought to not listen to this show. Unless you’ve talked to your therapist or with a loved one. That’s your support person. Even though we’ll be doing broad strokes, just the topic in and of itself can be triggering for people. Sure, sure. Sure. So I think we’re gonna go ahead and and do some broad strokes. So can you go ahead and maybe start by just introducing yourself? What does your life look like right now? And then we’ll kind of I’ll ask some questions after that, if
4:26
you don’t mind. Sure. So I’m Katherine Wilson. I am 55 years old. I’m happily married to Charlie Wilson and we are here and I don’t know if you can see it in the background, but I live on Sebago Lake in Standish, Maine. It’s have an amazing life. My husband allows me to work from home. My work is an advocacy. It’s a nonprofit called Stop trafficking. us.org For those who want to check out the website. I started this about five years. Years ago, I had initially just wanted to do volunteer work at a local juvenile detention center. When I was there, the sexual abuse of the girls there was just really, God just really put on my heart that it was time for me to share a my own personal story that I had already done the healing on. I was not out I didn’t need to tell anybody, my my life God had healed me and I had a beautiful, wonderful, happy life. And, and the Holy Spirit said, No, it’s time for you to pay that forward. So that’s what I’ve been doing the last five years, but I have here. Amazing. Okay, well, wonderful. So yeah, so very broad strokes if you don’t mind sharing a little bit about the journey. Yeah, my mom and dad were happily married middle income family, my dad was electrician. We lived in Florida in the wintertime, because he didn’t like the cold. I totally get that now. And we lived in Maine in the summertime, we were on a little lake in Southern Maine where we rented cottages went back and forth. I’m the oldest of three children, and just not what one would expect abuse to come out of, you know. And my brother was very sick. And I was first sexually abused by a school administrator. When I was in first grade, and abuse tends to have like blood in the water for sharks, and abusers just sort of came up and I have my first, my first 17 years of life is a just a domino effect of all the awful things that can happen when you fall through the cracks. And I fell through the cracks in many areas. I’m sexually abused as a kid bullied at school because I was just a little different runaway, I ended up rape 15 I was brought into sex trafficking, I was held as a as a slave for about a year, I escaped from that. And that’s when I call it surviving the surviving, that’s when you’re safe, is when all that emotional trauma comes up to be healed. And I had to do you know, decades of different kinds of therapy in order to heal. I couldn’t tolerate like antidepressants or anti anxiety I didn’t I wasn’t a drug abuser. When I was a kid, I was a runaway from 12 to 17. And I couldn’t tolerate it when I was on my surviving journey. So God had to really lead me to other ways of healing, I spent a lot of time in the Word, a lot of time on a lot of couches. And then, very slowly, over time, I was able to heal that and then be able to give back, it’s been just over 10 years now, maybe 11 or 12, I guess, since I’ve had an anxiety attack or woken up in the middle of the night with night terrors, or panic attack or anything I’ve really every morning I wake up so happy because I’m in my skin, I get to be in service to God on this issue. And every day, I’m just you know, thank you, God, thank You God, and how can I be of service to you in an effective, meaningful way? How can I be the light of Christ and what I’m doing now? So that’s, that’s my, that’s the short version. Thank you, thank you. And again, the interested can learn more, but it’s a it’s truly a testimony of God’s healing and kindness that you’re you’re married now. And how long have you been married to Charlie? So we’ve been 10 years and and the question gets asked, and you and I talked about this, it’s like how can you have, you know, acute sexual trauma and ever want to be sexual again, as long as you live? And, and some people don’t, you know, and it’s really different. And there’s no,
9:09
there’s no shame or judgment about where somebody is sexually after trauma like that. And that’s between you and your husband, you know, and God Of course, and if you and your husband are okay with not being sexual, then awesome. But if you do want to be sexual and you are being sexual, but you’re having issues around it, I guess like what you and I were talking about is really to let yourself off the hook. You know, some of the things that people don’t talk about, you know, those shame, dark things. I think when we talk about it, and we we bring the light of God’s love and compassion to those dark thoughts, that’s how we can dissolve them and heal them. For instance, it’s common, that that dirt During either masturbation or being intimate with your husband, that sometimes it you might fantasize about what was done to you, you might fantasize about doing to somebody else what was done to you. And that doesn’t mean that you’re going to be a predator, or that you wanted or liked what was done to you in the past, it is just the brains way of working through what was done, and it goes away over time. It, it really does it, it fades. And there are different exercises that you can do during being intimate with your husband, you know, there were, oh my gosh, countless times that I would be in the middle of, or beginning of a sexual act with my husband. And I’m married twice. So my, my first husband left me for another woman eight years into our marriage. But while we were when I was married to him, oh my gosh, I, I might have a flashback. And you know, and that’s perfectly normal. And that doesn’t mean I needed to stop being sexual. It just means that I had more healing work to do something that I could talk to my therapist about. It’s something I could talk to my pastor if my pastor was trained in that area to talk about, right. Right. Really important. Yeah. And, you know, and, and, and really helping my husband to go slow. Sometimes you can be intimate. Without intercourse. There’s lots of other things you can do. And slowly work your way into that. And there can be months that I would have no problem at all being intimate. And then one day, maybe it was an anniversary of something that had been done, or whatever reason that I’m I just felt unsafe, uncomfortable. And it really great communication is the key being able to say, Man, I’m really sort of reliving some trauma, and I’m, I need some help being right here right now. And that term right here right now has helped me a lot. So if I start to sort of go back in time, and I feel myself being turned off or boxed in, I would just I know it sounds silly, but I would stop my foot. And I would say right here right now. I am. That was so last Tuesday. And right now I am with somebody that loves and adores me. And all is well, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I’m gonna stop you right there. Because there’s some really great nuggets that you’ve already said that I want to just underscore here. One thing you mentioned is bringing light to the darkness is really key in unearthing uprooting that shame, that perpetual, those perpetual thoughts of negativity what I’m doing right now. Pardon? Yeah, so I was saying, I think there was a cut in that connection. But I was saying that bringing the light to that darkness is really what the enemy doesn’t want. Because he wants to perpetuate that those those memories and the pain and the past all those things. So I think sharing with a therapist is such a wise choice or a mentor, a spiritual, spiritually wise woman in your life, I think it can also serve in that, you know, potentially in that way as well. And then one thing you said is also it goes away over time. And I think a lot of times, we don’t realize the need of patience with ourselves, grace with ourselves, being willing to hold that it’ll change. Sometimes we just kind of are like, well, it’s, it’s this way now. So it’ll always be this way. Do you find I am, I am so happy to tell you that that’s not true. It’s not true. And you believe it in the moment. And you know, there’s this
14:09
you know, the enemy whispers in our ear. You liked it, didn’t you? You ask for it. You know, you are you are a whore or whatever. You know, like I heard every negative thing in my head. Particularly when I would find myself thinking about it during sex. I would panic and I would think what is wrong with me? I mean, I thought I’m a lunatic. You know, um, you know, I just thought awful things about myself. When we’re able to look at ourselves through Christ’s eyes versus through the enemy’s eyes. When we have that loving compassion, it expands us. When we listen to the enemy. it constricts us. Okay, so one of the ways that we can know You know, who’s that voice coming from? Is it expanding us? Or is is it constricting us? Hmm. So that was really helpful for me. Yeah. Chris wouldn’t talk to us like that, huh? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I think I heard a goose in the background. Is that right? Yes. Yes. So everybody’s ever my little family of animals are very interested. I’ve got the goose following me. I don’t know if you can see Don. I do. Yeah. There’s that there’s Thelma and Louise over there. Oh, so what are those ducks behind? Yeah, the two jacks and then. So any anyone watching on the podcast, you can go onto the Facebook and actually watch the video here where we’ve got a beautiful setting. Here’s two bald eagles. Can you see that? Those are two bald eagles flying. Oh, they’re cutting this way. Can you see? Bella? Can you see? No, I can’t see. Josh.
16:13
Right here. Oh. Oh, I do I see them. Cool. Oh, no. Taking a look at the goose. Oh, no. Get away. Oh my gosh, that was so cool. That was so cool.
16:34
I haven’t, I haven’t had two bald eagles just like come right here ever. And so you know when those two bald eagles are making love. And the one bald eagle says, you know, I’m just, you know, I’m feeling sort of asexual right now, I don’t want to be sexual and having stuff come up. The other eagle can say, hey, let’s just hold each other. And let’s talk. Let’s talk. It doesn’t have to be. Oh, my gosh, I’m having a flashback. So stop. It can be let’s just hold each other. Let me just rub your arm. Let me rub your hand, let me rub your face. You know, there can be a really loving intimacy that helps again over time, to shift intimacy going from something that’s triggering and awful. to something that’s beautiful and loving the way it was meant to be. Yeah. I love it. Well, this is we’re wrapping up the first part of this, the show, but I think I want to probably underscore the piece of so often I’ll hear from husbands that are like, How can I help my wife and I think you underscored it there of allowing there to be communication around this where she can say I’m reliving trauma, I need some help being right here right now. And being willing to offer a safe space that intercourse doesn’t have to happen. We can hold each other. We can talk you can tell me how you’re feeling? Well, I think that men want to fix, you know, first of all, they have their own upset that something happened to their beloved. Right. And so that’s something that they have to deal with. Maybe not at the same time that she’s having trouble. But he he has a right to his feelings as well. You know, the anger that what happened to her the anger that this is even an issue. But we need to pick and choose when we work through, you know, his issue does not Trump her issue in the moment. You know what I mean? And he needs as a man needs to be respected. And her as a woman needs to be heard. She needs space, space to be heard space for her feelings. You know, typically in trauma, she did not have control. So her feeling like she has some control is really important to her healing. And they both have to be in agreement that the that the goal is is intimacy, the goal is to be able to have this be a loving, beautiful act that our our Lord and Father had made it for us, you know, and to and to come back to that to create that. And if you guys both are in agreement of that goal, then you just sort of have to take turns pulling each other up through the ladder of healing and that takes time and patience. Yeah, but I I also like the concepts that it is a process of healing. But I mean, you’ve been 10 years without even a panic attack and no medication like healing is absolutely possible. Yeah. It’s gonna be like this. Yeah, go through that process. important, that’s right. And you can go through it, you can make it harder and longer. Or you can, or you can make it as easy as it can be. And even if it’s as easy as it can be, it takes time. And as long as you can have patience, you know, we have patients with our children, learning how to crawl, learning how to walk, but, you know, learning, whatever this is, same thing it’s going to happen. It just takes a little time, and being able to even have a sense of humor about it. Like, oh, my gosh, you know, you know, and just giggle and jump up and down the bed, shake it off, turn on, turn on some Motown or whatever music and just shake off the stress of it. You know, and, and being playful, having, you know, okay, what, we’re gonna do something else, okay, if we’re not gonna make love, we’re going to, you know, whatever. So yeah, yeah, awesome. Play a game. Yeah. Yes, you know, just sort of, I love the idea of doing a silly dance. Sometimes my husband and I will do a silly dance, you know, and, you know, just to, just to shake off doesn’t have to be intense. You know, if you’re having a flashback, if you’re having, do your breath work, shake it off, go back to something that’s loving and safe. And then try again differently.
21:30
Awesome. That’s beautiful. Okay, well, we will talk more on our next part thing. Yeah. Amazing. Thank you, Catherine. And thank you, listener, for going there and learning and gaining insight and hope that things can be different that things can transform for you. So let me pray. Lord, you know the pain of sexual trauma, you know, the pain of what this listener has gone through, or what their loved one has gone through God. Father, I pray in Jesus name for your healing touch, Lord, that You would break down the barriers of what the enemy has, has built because of the pain of the past God, and I pray in Jesus name, that you would give them the grace, to be completely free, and to do the diligent, hard, intentional work of becoming free, and help the husband know how to love his wife well, and how to help the wife know how to love her husband? Well, because either and even both of them may have suffered trauma. And I pray God for that healing Lord, in Jesus name. You do this all the time. And I pray for Catherine’s organization, and their impact in the world I pray it would grow and you would cause people to become free. In Jesus name, amen. Wonderful. Well, I hope that you will give generously to Catherine’s organization, it’s called Stop trafficking us.com You can go and get additional information about what she’s doing and and how you can help and how you can give how you can donate it’s it’s an it’s vital, vital work that is a plague on the world right now is sexual slavery and Katherine is brave to stand up and fight against it. So I invite you encourage you to give generously, and I hope that you’ll tune in again for next week where we continue this discussion. Okay. God bless you and have a wonderful, wonderful day. Bye