Further resources: I recommend this interview you listen to and interview with Brene Brown and Ibram X. Kendi

—

transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage.

0:20
All right, welcome. Thank you for joining me. So we are talking about how to talk to your family, your husband, or your wife, and your kids about race and racism and riots and what’s going on and why it’s going on. So this is something that I’m extremely passionate about. And it I’m sure will come through and our call. But I also want to say that I’m not going to say things perfectly, I don’t have degrees in this, I do have experience, I’ve talked to friends and I’ve read books that are you know, I’ve I do have something to add to the conversation.

1:03
But the more important thing is that there is a conversation.

1:08
Nothing is helped if we are silent.

1:12
And so my intention on this podcast is not to

1:20
is not to make it seem like I know everything, or I’m the best, or that I even know how to handle this at all, like I might be wrong on a good amount of what I’m sharing. So I invite you to listen with hopefully an open heart and a humble mind. That’s my posture in this season, as well. Because

1:41
I’m white, I don’t experience I’ve never even had a passing whim that I could experience.

1:52
What Mr. George Floyd, experienced, like, like that is so far outside of my realm of possibilities. It’s it’s beyond. So my invitation to you, if assuming that you’re a white person listening, for minorities, maybe you’ll get something out of this. Or maybe you’ll just be mad that I don’t know what I’m talking about. And I apologize if that’s true. But for white people, I hope you will come with an open heart and a humble mind. Because it’s impossible for us to know somebody else’s experience. And the best thing we can do, I think is listen. So I’m going to give more insights on what I’m doing with my family, how my husband and I are are talking how my kids are talking, and how I think you should talk and what that could look like and how it doesn’t have to be as scary as it seems like it is right now. Alright, let’s go ahead and dive in.

2:56
Hi, there, and welcome. Thank you for joining me, if you are new to the podcast, this is a place that we talk about sex and intimacy and marriage. And we talk about the dynamics and the things that impact your family. And so if you’re listening to this in the present,

3:15
we just suffered the loss of George Floyd, who was a good man. And he

3:26
possibly stole cigarettes or a cigar or something

3:30
and was killed.

3:36
So

3:38
how do we make sense of this?

3:41
I

3:44
I’ve spent a lot of time listening to my black friends recently

3:48
to hear their hearts.

3:51
What’s going on?

3:53
What’s going on for them?

3:57
Things that I can’t understand things that I can’t see.

4:04
And so

4:09
I’ve also spent some time listening to Black preachers and black voices that live this because I don’t I’m white

4:20
have never been held against my will. I’ve never been arrested. I’ve never been accused of something I didn’t commit. I’ve

4:29
I’ve never experienced that. And it was so powerful. I just got off the call with a friend of mine. And she was expressing to me

4:40
that

4:42
she lives with a deep seated fear that your life may end at any moment for just existing.

4:54
And it was so beautifully said because she said it in the midst of passionately actually

5:00
expressing what goes on in her life. And she’s a very successful woman, successful businesswoman, really, really good at what she does. And yet,

5:12
because of the way God designed her

5:16
with a dark, dark skin, God designed her with that.

5:23
She said, there’s this deep seated fear that your life may end at any moment for just existing.

5:34
So

5:39
if we don’t talk about this, how is it going to get better?

5:43
If we pretend it’s not happening? How are we going to get fixed?

5:47
If there’s glass in your foot, and you don’t open it up and take the glass out, you can’t heal.

5:56
And so, black people have been experiencing this.

6:03
Since slavery, it’s never gotten better and then gotten worse. It’s just when have white people become aware of what’s going on.

6:13
And I’m as guilty. I haven’t been as aware as I as I should have been. I haven’t read the books that I should have been reading, I haven’t understood what I should have been understanding. It’s a hard process. To understand white privilege. It’s really tough.

6:34
Because life is hard for everyone, at times. And so it feels really difficult to say, well, but it’s harder for a group of people.

6:46
Because I still have it hard as whomever I am.

6:51
So I don’t know if your whitelisting to me if you are, that’s basically who I’m talking to. And why is it that I as a white person can talk about this? Well,

7:02
it’s kind of like,

7:04
I’m not going to speak perfectly on this. It’s just, I’m not, I’m not a scholar on this. I have read some things. I have done some race classes, I do have some personal experience with close ones that have experienced things. I I know some, I don’t know everything. And there’s plenty of people who might be offended by my either lack of knowledge or any of that. But the thing is, if we don’t talk about it, because we’re too scared to say something wrong.

7:35
It’s not going to get better.

7:38
If we just pretend it’s okay. It’s not going to get better.

7:43
I think a lot of times we’re scared as white people to say something, because we’re afraid we’re going to say it wrong.

7:53
And then that just proliferates the issue. It never ends. Because we don’t talk we don’t figure it out. And if we don’t

8:04
see our own blindness, if somebody doesn’t come alongside us and say, Hey, I think there’s an area of this that that maybe we’re not, we’re not, we might be missing

8:15
then then we can’t get it right. We can’t become better lovers of people. Because Jesus loved George Floyd. You know, Christianity today, actually talked about how he was a Christian. He started ministries.

8:33
I saw a YouTube video of him talking about how the kids need to stop shooting each other because one day they’re gonna meet their maker, they’re going to meet to meet God and go up or down. Like he,

8:46
he believed that so like,

8:50
but if even if he wasn’t a Christian, God loves every black person.

8:56
Every single one.

9:00
And when I have spent these last days listening

9:05
to friends that are black and hearing their stories of police brutality that they themselves have experienced

9:15
it makes me remember and recognize yet again that I don’t get it.

9:22
I can’t because I have never experienced it.

9:27
I have never been scared that I was going to be an wrongly accused of something I didn’t do, but I could still go behind bars because of it.

9:42
I remember actually, my husband and I when I was pregnant with my oldest son.

9:48
I remember I was on the train. It was like half empty. And I was laying on the train because I was tired and I like lying on the subway seats. And I didn’t actually

10:00
You know that it wasn’t allowed that you weren’t supposed to lay on the subway seats, but

10:05
I am I got up

10:08
for some, I don’t even know, we got to the next station and I just I sat up for some reason. And

10:16
then a young black man came on he actually was young, he was probably like 16, something like that. And you could see he was tired, long day he had a backpack, he’s probably coming from I don’t know, school or work or something. And he lays down on the subway seats just like I did. Mind you this subway cars is less than half empty, like, like there’s there’s very few people on the car, in the car. So then three police officers come on to the car and the subway pulls away. And they approach the young black man and say, tell them to get up and they said in a very curt, rude way.

11:00
And then they start hassling him

11:04
about nothing in particular. And the young man’s being extremely polite. He’s being just

11:12
No, sir. Yes, sir. Whatever it is, and then he’s looking at the ground, not even making defiant eye contact, nothing. And then at some point, the officer says, Have you ever been arrested in a very threatening way?

11:29
And I’m just like, what does that have to do with whether or not he’s allowed to lay on the subway seats?

11:37
Why in the world, would that come to mind?

11:44
And that officer walked away to another car and the other two officers are there. And mind you, I’m a pregnant white woman. And I stood up. And I said, Excuse me, I’m, I’m curious why his arrest record has anything to do with the fact that he was not supposed to be sitting on the seats. And then he he stopped, didn’t he? Didn’t he do what? They asked why? Why was there more conversation needed.

12:13
And they

12:15
back down, they weren’t the ones that were hassling him, it was the it was the other gentleman who wasn’t there anymore. So

12:23
since then, I’ve talked to like I said, yesterday, our our, we have to two white pastors, and the one of them encouraged us to listen to black voices, listen to them. And,

12:38
and she talked about black people, in this time doing a lot of self care, a lot of pain, a lot of hurt, a lot of sadness in this time. So if you are black or minority, I also want to encourage you to take care of yourself in this time. God is with you. And he is doing things in this time.

12:59
I think it’s really important for white people to be talking, even though it’s uncomfortable, and even though we might not know the best thing to say and when and what to say.

13:11
We’re the ones that have the power to do something about it. To me, it’s kind of like sexual abuse. One in four women are sexually abused. So we can’t expect the only people to talk about sexual abuse to be the ones that have experienced sexual abuse. That’s not fair. That means that they have all the responsibility, the victim has all the responsibility to fix a broken system or it’s not it’s not fair. And so we as white people, even if it’s an awkward conversation, it only gets worse when we are silent. It doesn’t get better when we ignore the problem.

13:54
And when we listen

13:57
to black voices,

14:00
we become a little more empathetic to the suffering.

14:06
I I don’t think violence and creating more

14:12
violence against others is good.

14:17
But something broke the camel’s back. There was a another straw and that’s what a black friend of mine said, this was just another straw that broke the camel’s back. Just another one. But there were so many so many times that black people have been killed unarmed.

14:43
So

14:46
how do you talk to your kids about this reality? Well, the problem is if we don’t talk about it, it’s not going to get fixed. Kids are immature and they’re not learning. If we don’t talk

15:00
Kids will will come up with their own ideas, they’ll come up with their own half baked solutions, half ideas.

15:08
When somebody doesn’t look like them, the assumption is, well, maybe they had it coming for them. Who knows who knows what’s coming in their mind, we need to steward them in the correct way of thinking around race, around injustice and equality.

15:28
It’s our opportunity to steward their mind, just like we steward it around sex, and we don’t just leave it up to chance that they might get it right. It’s our responsibility as parents.

15:41
So what we need to do,

15:44
and what I did with my boys is they’re five and seven, almost seven this week, actually. And what I did with my oldest son is I told him that

15:56
there was somebody that was hurt. And it wasn’t fair.

16:01
And

16:03
that’s how we started the conversation. And so then my son said, Well, what what happened? Why? Why did he get hurt? What I said, Well, the other man didn’t like the color of his skin.

16:16
And my son said, Well,

16:20
what happened and, and slowly, I was able to say that you know how most police protect us. And they keep us safe, and they’re good. This police officer had made a bad choice.

16:35
And he he killed the man with black skin, with dark brown skin. And,

16:43
and it really impacted my son. He does know about Martin Luther King, Jr. He does know some things about civil rights history, a little not much, but a little bit from different books we’ve read and different conversations. So my husband and I and our two sons, we went to a peaceful vigil in the park next to our house and lots of people with masks and with signs saying black lives matter. And we joined in the chance Black Lives Matter. And there were different people who spoke including some, some Congress, people and council people, and

17:28
they had also a pastor, who, who prayed in Spanish, and then also prayed in English. And it was amazing. It was amazing to join together with a community wanting to love others, better wanting change.

17:46
And there was a group of police officers that were making sure everything was safe and peaceful. And I went over there with my one son. And I just asked them, you know, is there is there anything that I could have done? As a citizen?

18:00
If I was there, was there. Is there anything that like, if I see this in the future, is there anything I can do?

18:06
And they basically shook their heads. Just one woman, woman palot police officer said, you know, take a video, like they did take a video

18:18
I will say that something that my

18:22
friend at our at our church said he’s a black man. He

18:28
is very, in fact, he works for the big, big company.

18:33
While he works for Facebook, and

18:37
you know, he he has to be extremely cautious of always he’s always thinking about what he’s wearing. And

18:45
you know, making sure he’s, you know, always got his hands out of his pockets if he’s walking down the street at night, and he’s

18:52
he wears glasses to look a little less possibly offensive to others, like possibly dangerous to others. He’s he’s conscious always thinking about this. When he goes to job interviews, the first thing he does is immediately say

19:09
something to make them know that he’s not a diversity hire is what he says. So

19:17
so he

19:20
he said that there was one time that he was

19:24
he was in the the men’s room and and it smelled like marijuana and he wasn’t the one smoking marijuana. But then a police officer came in and saw him and the police officer immediately started talking to him and thankfully there was a white person that came out of a stall and just stayed present for the conversation with the police officer. And he remembers how helpful that was, knowing that there was a witness a white person witnessing what was going on. It changed the dynamic it causes him to feel like

20:00
He’s, he’s not alone here, there is someone with power, who is witnessing what’s happening.

20:07
And this is a Christian man that loves Jesus, he’s actually an elder in our church, like, there’s so

20:15
many reasons

20:18
that he should have no reason to fear. The only reason he does is because of the color of his skin.

20:28
That’s it. And he has done a lot of and he even said this a lot of internal work to make sure he’s got the same level of confidence that a white, the average white man has.

20:45
So how do you?

20:49
How do you communicate with your kids about race? I remember reading something our church did a Bible study on race a

20:58
couple years ago, I don’t think this came from that I think I read something else. But

21:05
there was a gentleman who was an academic, and he was watching basketball with his son and his son pointed to the screen and pointed at

21:16
the one of the players and said, That’s my favorite. And the father is like, oh, yeah, why is that one your favorite.

21:24
And he, the kid indicated something about the color of his skin because he was white, something like that. And because the kid was also white. And it was interesting, the insight that that man had, like, of course, he had a conversation with his his son about it and really talked, talked about it. But

21:42
the Insight he gained from that is, by nature, just like girls want to hang out with girls, when they’re kids. boys want to hang out with boys. By nature, a lot of the times we naturally hang out with something, someone that looks like us.

22:00
And

22:02
that’s not the way we should be.

22:08
In our society, that’s not like it seems like as and when I say nature, that doesn’t really mean nature, it means as children, a child’s mind, without proper stewardship might think it just like a kid might think it’s great to run around naked all the time. Like, that’s not okay, we have to steward our kids well, so that people are loved well and respected well and, and honored for who God made them to be and who they are, like how they were designed.

22:42
And so that’s one thing that we talk to our kids about a lot, is we just talk about how God made their skin and their skin, their skin and their friends skin is beautiful. And because we live in New York, we see diversity all the time. And so we talk about that we have conversations around God made their skin, and he designed it and

23:05
we are made in God’s image. So anyone with different skin is made in God’s image. God wanted them to look like that. That’s, that’s God’s design. It’s his masterpiece, right there.

23:18
You know, I think it’s hard for my boys to understand sometimes why the young kids that are minority, why do they play loud music that have bad words in it. And we just have to say, you know, what, they’re, they’re young. And, you know, their parents didn’t teach them that, that, that they shouldn’t do that.

23:37
But you know what, we’re gonna love them anyway. They’re not bad people. They’re just people that are making choices to listen to music that we don’t listen to. And so we just have to reframe it all the time for our kids, and not that it’s okay to you know, I don’t want my kids to think it’s okay to listen to that music because I don’t want them to listen to that music. I don’t want them to speak those words. But I also don’t want them to think those kids

24:04
to associate those kids are bad kids, and they happen to also be minority. And that’s linked. I don’t want the link there. And I’m very intentional to talk about that with them. And also when they do have questions when they are curious, I want to open that conversation with them. And also I want to realize I don’t have this all figured out.

24:27
I I can’t because even though I want to listen and even though I wanted to be be friends with with those that are black and understand their suffering and stand up for their suffering, I will never know what it’s like because I’m not.

24:44
So I should always hold my opinions with an open hand a humble heart to say I might be wrong. I might be getting this wrong. I’m going to do my best to encourage others but if I don’t speak other people are suffering

25:01
and it’s not fair that the people that have privilege and have power are not saying anything.

25:09
So my encouragement to you is, if you’re looking at what’s happening in our world, why riots are happening?

25:19
If we could just think about the source,

25:22
what would cause what desperation would bring somebody to risk their lives? To do that?

25:32
Where, where is that coming from?

25:37
It’s much easier to stay at home and watch Netflix or video games or do something less dangerous that could ultimately hurt everyone. If even if you were killed that would that hurt your mama and your your brothers and sisters and your family? And your your dad? I mean, there, why would what would draw somebody to do that?

26:03
So no, I don’t think violence is the way to go.

26:09
But it’s happening. And so we need to we need to address the root. Why is why is it happening? And what can we do about it? And, and, guys, I,

26:22
I think there’s a few things. One is,

26:27
as my friend mentioned, if you see police brutality happening, make it clear that you’re a white person who’s witnessing it. And not that you say I’m white, but he said, If you could just, you know, say, Hey, is everything okay? Is everything going? Is everything all right? Say it in a confident way, you know that, you know, that you won’t be punished for that as a white person.

26:54
But that makes it clear that you are witnessing what they are doing to a minority.

27:01
And that makes a big difference in that minority persons life.

27:09
The justice system I sadly have been in courtrooms in jury where there’s there is not, it is not appropriate. What’s happening. It’s very, very, very sad. But, but we can do tiny little things. But that’s one thing we can do is when we when we see something that a minority is involved, and it doesn’t look like it’s right. We can we can say is everything okay? Here is everything all right.

27:39
And even just lingering, and watching what’s happening is that is helpful.

27:45
And, of course, a videotape, right. That’s why things are getting the attention they’re getting is because people are taking the moment to just capture on video, you never know what might happen.

27:58
So we can get little, little bit by little bit. So that’s one thing.

28:03
The next thing is have the conversations with white people. And in lower your standards, you don’t have to talk about this perfectly, to talk about it.

28:16
We were all going to get it wrong. If you’re a white person, you obviously don’t understand what it’s like to be a black person otherwise,

28:24
you can’t be in their skin.

28:30
And everyone has their story. Even Even it varies in in black people with Where do they live in the in the world. And it varies. But at the same time, we need to recognize the black person’s experience is different in this life than the white person’s experience in the United States and in a lot of countries worldwide.

28:55
So have the conversations. But don’t hold yourself up to the standard that you need to have a PhD to have a proper conversation. You don’t.

29:04
You don’t you just need to have a good heart, a willingness to learn a willingness to be open to listen.

29:13
The other thing I would encourage you to do number three, is to read a book by a black author. And it doesn’t even have to be a boring book. It doesn’t have to be a textbook it can be

29:24
like I’m reading. I’m listening to Michelle Obama’s memoir. And and even if you aren’t a huge fan of her, I happen to be a huge fan of hers. But if you don’t happen to be a huge fan of hers, that’s okay. You can listen to it with this idea that it was I think the best selling memoir ever like it like it’s some like really high up there accolade. And you could just listen, listen to it with the idea of curiosity. Like oh, this is just interesting. I’m curious why everybody’s listening to it.

29:54
So that’s the third thing is, is find a book

29:58
that a black person wrote

30:00
Just get in their shoes for a moment and start listening to some Black Pete preachers. I was listening to TD TD Jakes last night. And it was very, very helpful just to get insights from the black community,

30:15
how they’re hurting, really understanding it. And if you haven’t seen the video of George Floyd, it’s horrific. It’s terrible. I don’t want to watch it. I didn’t watch all of it. I only watched a snippet, but it was worth my watching a snippet. Because one thing TD Jakes talked about is the Good Samaritan.

30:39
It’s not just about the Good Samaritan. There was a priest that walked by the broken bloody man. And he walked by on the other side of the road, a priest, somebody who’s just professing that he’s doing God’s work.

30:56
And there was a Levite also professing doing God’s work and then the Good Samaritan who had no business helping someone of not his kind, quote, unquote, that’s what TD Jakes said. And yet, the Good Samaritan went and helped somebody who is not his people.

31:16
But he used his wealth, his donkey, his ability to, to serve at the innkeeper.

31:26
And that’s what Jesus said, is a good neighbor. And that was answering the question, what do I have to do to inherit eternal life?

31:35
And God, and Jesus said, love God with all your heart, soul, mind, strength, and love your neighbor as yourself, like the Good Samaritan. This is an incredible opportunity for us to love

31:49
the way Jesus asked us to love.

31:54
And if our eyes have been blinded, like Saul’s were Saul thought he was doing God’s will. Saul thought he was doing God’s will by killing Christians. He thought that’s what God wanted him to do. He was zealous for the things of God. And yet

32:11
And yet

32:16
And yet

32:21
and Anna NYAS was scared to approach Paul because while he was Sol at the time and and is was scared to approach Saul.

32:30
But God used Anand is

32:34
so that the the scales fell from Paul’s eyes.

32:39
And Paul was a changed man, and the Holy Spirit entered him.

32:46
It’s so interesting to think that

32:50
Paul had killed people, for the sake of his zealousness for God, that was misplaced. He killed them. Can you imagine?

33:03
Which means that

33:05
none of us as white people

33:10
can be

33:13
like, God can redeem us, even if we have said racist things. Even if we have made racist jokes, even if we have thought that it was a bunch of malarkey, just being victims, even if we have thought that

33:31
I mean, gosh, even if we were the police officer with our our knee like

33:36
that is what Saul did.

33:41
And God redeemed him. So I want to encourage you be changeable, be able to change.

33:52
Be able to say I don’t understand what somebody else is going through.

33:57
But gosh, if that were my son,

34:00
crying for his mama, a grown man, being respectful doing everything he could, there was nothing

34:12
that he could have done that that police officer would have allowed him to live

34:25
what if you and your husband don’t agree on what’s happened?

34:31
I invite you to listen to them. You and your husband or you and your wife, listen to your spouse reflectively Listen, encourage them in the good things that they said that you you think were right on that you agree with.

34:48
See if they’re willing to hear what you think.

34:51
Don’t let it be an another source of contention but just something that you can talk about and you can thank them for

35:00
For sharing what they’re sharing, because it’s vulnerable to talk about this stuff, it’s really vulnerable, which is why people are not talking about it, why white people don’t talk about it because they don’t want to be wrong. They want don’t want to be labeled as racist. And

35:14
and maybe they’ve, you know, done things that that were unwittingly racist, they didn’t realize that some remarks or some thoughts or some ways I’m still discovering ways that maybe we’re we’re wrong ways of thinking I remember I used to work with young adults at risk youth. And this has been something that’s come to mind a lot recently. So the Sol pol conversion.

35:39
The, the way I saw these young men, it was a very negative way. I didn’t like their attitudes. But I didn’t understand what they were going through. I didn’t listen.

35:51
I didn’t listen to them. I thought I understood it already. I’d already taken my race classes, I already had my black friends, I thought I understood it already.

36:01
And so I wasn’t compassionate, or empathetic or had a listening ear

36:06
to the police brutality they themselves were experiencing back then.

36:14
I just, I just didn’t,

36:17
I didn’t pay it any attention.

36:20
And now by God’s grace, my eyes are, are opened a little wider.

36:26
But I know there’s more. And I’m just solely curious what I’m going to learn by listening more to TD Jakes and listening more to Michelle Obama’s book, and I’m just so curious what else I’m going to learn. Because I’m just, I’m ravenous to learn, I was so grateful that my black friends have openly shared because it’s not easy for them to share these things, they don’t want to stay in this negative space, you know, especially those that that that, you know, have worked really, really, really hard to, to be in a space of wholeness as a black person, in a in a white powered world.

37:05
They don’t want to stay in a space of victimhood or any of that. But as as white people, again, if there’s not surgery done to take out the glass, like we as a white people need to fix focus on it. The black people, they don’t need to focus on this anymore. Like, it’s our responsibility as white people to fix our system that’s oppressing black people.

37:30
Well,

37:32
how do you talk about race with your kids as you start talking? How do you talk about race with your husband? He start talking, how do you start talking about race with your wife, you start talking? The point is ask questions. Listen really, really well. Listen really, really well.

37:50
And just admit, I mean, there’s no way you could know everything. It’s impossible. I don’t know everything. A lot of the stuff I’ve even said in this call may be wrong. It’s what I know so far, based on who I’ve talked to based on what I’ve experienced, based on what I’ve learned and read. But there’s more. There’s a lot more.

38:11
I want to just invite you

38:15
to look to the person of Jesus.

38:20
There’s a really important verse that talks about,

38:24
you will know them by their fruits. It says in Matthew seven, it says Not everyone on that day.

38:33
Let me read it to you.

38:38
Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day, Many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name? And do many mighty works in your name? And then will I declare to them, I never knew you, depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.

39:05
So it says, I never knew you. Depart from Me workers of lawlessness.

39:12
So even though it’s about knowing God, knowing Jesus

39:20
if you are still a worker of lawlessness, it’s not going to cut it. Like they’re connected. Knowing God impacts the way you act. What you do or do not do, even though it says, we prophesy in your name, we cast out demons in your name. We did mighty miracles in your name. Like it seems like those are those should go hand in hand but God’s like no, that wasn’t my will guys.

39:49
And a little bit higher up it talks about so whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them. For this as the law and the prophets into

40:00
by the narrow gate, for the gate is wide, and the way is easy that leads to destruction.

40:07
Those who enter by it are many For the gate is narrow, and they work in the way is hard that leads to life. And those who find it are few.

40:17
And then it says beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits,

40:31
you will recognize them by their fruits.

40:35
When we look at somebody, what is their fruit? Is it love, joy, peace, patience, goodness,

40:47
kindness,

40:50
gentleness,

40:52
faithfulness,

40:55
and self control.

40:58
When you think somebody is a leader,

41:02
and you think somebody is from God,

41:05
are they exhibiting those fruits? Because that’s, that’s the ticket. That’s the way we’ll know.

41:17
So how do you talk to your family, about race?

41:22
You listen really well. And you listen to other voices that know more than you.

41:30
And you’ll actually have conversations about it.

41:34
It’s not going to get better. But unless we have a conversation, and you don’t have to be perfect,

41:43
but do your homework before I list, one thing that my black friends have said is like, they just they’re exhausted from trying to convince people, it’s real. Just like do a Google search. Like, just just try to listen, try to learn. Try to be open to see that man.

42:05
I think one of the big reasons that

42:09
white people think they don’t have privilege is because they

42:15
they have hard lives, too. And it’s true. We all have hard lives in different respects. Absolutely. We all do. So it’s hard to be like, Well, my life is hard. Oh, but they’ve got it worse. It’s a hard, it’s a hard pill to gulp down.

42:33
We all have different sufferings. And just because we acknowledge that there’s racism and police brutality for somebody else, just because we acknowledge somebody else’s suffering. And we we are seeking to fix it doesn’t mean that we are negating the fact that we have our own stuff.

42:58
It’s just saying, You know what, I’m being the good Samaritan, I’m gonna love this person, that suffering, I’m gonna trust that it matters. Not walk on the other side of the road and ignore it.

43:14
So this is like the third thing I’ve It is the third podcast I’ve recorded on this. There’s so much more I could say. And none of it’s perfect, guys. None of the stuff I’m saying is perfect. And none of the stuff you are, are going to say if you have the right attitude, a humble attitude to learn and to grow,

43:36
to start having these conversations

43:40
with a desire to hear and listen and learn not to argue your point.

43:49
That’s my invitation.

43:52
It’s a very sad, sad moment in our history, but it’s not just George Floyd.

43:59
There’s so many, many, many

44:05
people I’m just going to read the quote that my friend just shared with me again, she said

44:11
and she said it in a in a beautiful way that was so

44:16
it was like passionate but also

44:21
it was me and like three other white ladies that were listening to her say this and it was so

44:29
like, she doesn’t even like thinking about race. But I told her I was like if we don’t get the glass out of the foot, we can’t heal. White people have to focus on race for it to heal. After that. We I mean, no need no need but

44:48
we’re not at a spot. It’s not it’s not. Here’s why. I know it’s not okay. This is what she said.

44:56
She said there’s a deep seated fear that your life

45:01
can end at any moment for just existing

45:09
there’s a deep seated fear that your life can end at any moment for just existing.

45:17
So.

45:29
And she even said for me not to share her name or any of these things, not that I would without her permission, but because

45:38
of the danger it might put her in, and her family.

45:43
And that’s happening now in 2020, in the United States of America, this is her home, it has been her home since she was born.

45:52
She’s a citizen, like, that’s not okay.

45:58
We have to listen to others.

46:02
If that’s not your experience, it doesn’t mean it’s not the experience of others,

46:09
of other brother and sisters,

46:12
that God created and loves and design their skin exactly the way he wanted it, to sign their hair exactly the way you wanted. It is exactly the way he wanted it. They are images of God.

46:26
image bearers of the Lord just as you and I are.

46:34
So this is my

46:38
this is me using my white privilege

46:42
to invite you as a white person to notice

46:46
that this is not fair. And become aware and open your eyes and repent of being saw, and ask God to give you the grace to be Paul and to work towards reconciliation of racial justice.

47:03
This is a this is a defining moment

47:06
in our country, for change for transformation, and I hope

47:13
you will be

47:16
a person with an open heart, a humble mind.

47:23
Lord, I asked for this person listening. You love them. You’re with them and this grieves your heart. Suffering your people suffering grieves your heart.

47:39
I asked for your grace, to help.

47:43
I pray for leadership. I pray for the officials that need to be elected to cause transformation. I pray for people even in police forces that would cause change. I pray for black men and women father that you would impact them with with with wisdom on next steps and how to handle this sation situation well, Lord, and I pray for white people to empathize and become curious and see wrestle with this. If if this is causing such an outcry, maybe there’s something more, maybe there’s more that we’re not seeing. Maybe this is just a straw that broke the camel’s back and not one single incident. I asked for your grace.

48:34
I asked for your grace God.

48:39
Lord, we want to love like you love God. Give us the grace to have conversations in our home. That will make the next generation better.

48:51
Cause change we ask You, Jesus,

48:54
amen.

48:56
And give an Lord give people courage. Give them courage. To not leave this episode without

49:05
deciding in their heart, they are going to have courage

49:10
and be a good Samaritan. Even though the priest and the Levite walked by on the other side. They’re gonna say You know what?

49:18
I’m going to speak

49:20
when others are silent.

49:23
I’m going to stand

49:25
where others are pretending nothing is happening.

49:29
Give us the grace of Jesus.

49:32
Amen.

49:37
So you know me, I don’t shy away from the real topics. Thank you for listening through.

49:43
Thank you for

49:46
joining arms with me.

49:49
with open hearts, humble minds,

49:53
seeking to love people the way Jesus told us to love them. Really Jesus

50:00
We’re not looking at it how people do because sometimes they’re not following Jesus. But how did Jesus teach us to love them?

50:08
Check out Matthew seven,

50:11
I invite you to do that.

50:14
Thank you so much for listening. I do have a really exciting thing launching, to get your marriage in a way that your wife

50:25
is, is excited to make love to you. You can go to delight your marriage.com/ Men’s training to sign up for the free training on that. I’d love to have you.

50:39
Thank you so much for listening. God bless you.

50:42
And

50:44
I’m so grateful that God is doing things. This is painful. This is hard.

50:51
But when Paul was in prison, in Philippians, four, he said Rejoice in the Lord always. And again, I say rejoice. It’s like, it’s so interesting, because he’s the one in prison telling people to rejoice. And then he says, Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand.

51:13
And that’s and then it says, Do not be anxious about anything. So that part that says the Lord is at hand. So I want to invite you to know that the Lord is at hand.

51:27
All right, wonderful. God bless you. Love you. Bye