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You have a specific Assignment (1 Cor 7:17). Jesus didn’t ask you to do everything.
He even had limits on Himself.
But if we think that we’re supposed to be doing everything, we’ll miss who He is really assigning us to. Thus, His perfect plan doesn’t go forward.
This impacts your sex life, and is impacted by your sex life. Whether you’re a woman or a man this has impact.
Jesus himself limited his prayers: “I am not praying for the world, but for those whom you have given me” John 17:9
I think this allows us to all take a breath and say, “Lord help me to know who you have given me.
Help me to be content with who you have given me. Help me to truly serve, love and impact only those you have given me”.
And if all of us did that… then the world would look a lot different, I think.
I share how I’m doing that in my life, with my family and in my current launch of the renewed Masculinity Reclaimed program right now.
I share how men I’ve worked with (who I believe God put in my assignment) have been able to stop “burning with passion” even though they’re married and get on with what God wants them doing. Because after my program they are more Christ-centered men.
One–maybe surprising–thing I share in this episode is how I wish my ex-husband took the Masculinity Reclaimed course. It’s basically written for a man who thinks like that to help him become a man who thinks like my current husband…a man by his behavior and heart motivates me to want to make love to him. (I’ll tell you it works!)
I hope this encourages you to deeply reflect on your Assignment and the role sex plays in it. And I pray that will help direct your steps.
Enrollment for the Masculinity Reclaimed program is open now, but is closing very soon, so I hope you register now. Delightyourmarriage.com/mrsp
Once enrollment closes, it won’t be around again this year.
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about delight your marriage. All right, thank you for joining. So a few things we’re going to be diving into on today’s broadcast is one, how do you discern who God has assigned you to. And in a lot of that, I’m going to be talking about my own journey on what I’m dealing with right now. And I’ve got some stories around that. And I’ve also got some really exciting stories of transformation when men have decided to transform and fix the issue, so that they can go on and do God’s work. And a lot of them I have had the opportunity and privilege of being assigned to them. And so I have gotten to help them cross over the threshold of suffering, to joy and peace and Christ centered relationships so they can get on with what God wants them to do. And sex is a huge piece of a man’s heart. And so I’m going to be talking about how scripture really makes it clear that we are not supposed to be stretching ourselves too thin. But we are assigned to specific people. And I talk about what that looks like in my life in my heart and what I specifically do on a practical basis to make sure that I am in line, the way that Jesus was. It’s it’s pretty fascinating stuff. He’s he’s really stirred it in me recently. So I hope this is a big blessing to you. I’ve got a couple really cool testimonials at the end for you, that I think will encourage you as well. So if you’re a gentleman who’s interested in the masculinity reclaimed program, enrollment is open right now, but it’s closing soon. So I hope that you will listen till the end for that. Thanks for joining, I do not take it lightly that you are tuning in. So I want to make this valuable. And I also kind of want to tell you some stories. So the first one is I was walking out this morning, because I you know, since COVID, I haven’t been outside nearly as much as I usually am. But as you may know, Wednesdays are my days for spiritual renewal and rejuvenation. And I think that’s so important that all of us take some sort of rest day, Saturday’s our official rest day, which is really no stress, no nothing. But Wednesday’s are my rejuvenation spiritually day and some things in my schedule are shifting. So I’m going to have to figure out like, if I need to shift that or not, but or how to do it. So anyway, just a little side. So today, I spent some time in the park, praying and you know, after I do my, my quiet time in the morning, and I ran into a couple that we know and they’ve been so sweet baking us bread during this whole COVID thing. And the wife actually lost her father to COVID. And so when I approached and said hello and made a joke about how if they were social distancing well enough, but they’re married, so it was funny. Anyway, so he ended up going back inside, and she and I chatted for a while. And I was asking her how her mom was doing with everything and how she was grieving and her sister. And anyway, the conversation eventually shifted to how I’m doing and how my business is doing. And, you know, I just like praise God, it’s it’s actually doing really well. Apparently, during all of this, people still need marriage help. And, in fact, I was like a lot of times, they’re, they’re even more aware, during this season, that they need help on their marriage, because either they have more time with their spouse, and it’s just become more apparent and less distracting away from the issues. And another thing for men especially, is I think there’s less distraction away from some of the addictions and ways that they have coped with not having sexual intimacy in their marriage. So they’re, they’re really seeking out help. And she doesn’t know too much about my business. So she knows it’s marriage coaching. And so at this point, she asked me, she said, So what do you think is the big thing that people really need in this time? And so I kind of laughed and was like, Well, I, I’m not sure if you know, but my, my coaching is really focused on intimacy and marriage. So my answer to that It would be more sex.
5:03
So we both laughed about that. But then I was telling her that I’m launching this renewed program refreshed program, and it’s launching right now. And I said, you know, thank God, it’s been extremely successful in the past. So I know it works. But I guess every time I launch something, there’s a little bit of vulnerability and like, you know, is this going to be the are the people that need to be in the program? You know, am I doing everything that I can do to invite those that God wants in the program? So anyway, I told her, she was like, so how did you get into that? And I was like, Well, honestly, I, I feel like I don’t think I told you this. But I was, I was married before. And I feel like I now have an opportunity to coach, my ex husband, to become my current husband. And is this idea, it may sound strange, but it’s this idea that I understand what is blocking these men from having the physical intimacy that they’re craving, because that’s exactly what my ex husband did to me. And now I have the privilege of being in a marriage where I am motivated and excited to fill him up sexually, the way he desires to be filled up, because of who he is and what he does, and how he treats me. It’s completely different. And so, yes, I wish my ex husband took this masculinity reclaimed program. Because, golly, like who knows what would have happened? I know that this is all God’s will. I’m extremely happy in my marriage. Now. It’s not because I wish the time, you know, went backwards. But it’s God gave me that experience. Because I know what the problem is. I know why these men are not experiencing freedom, generosity, and great intimacy and fun, spontaneity, and her desire for intimacy, I get what’s blocking her because I was blocked in the past. I was blocked in the past. So anyway, it was really great to talk to her and then and then I went on my way. And I’ve been really struck by something for a while. But this particularly came up again in my heart this morning. And it’s John 17, six, and it says, I have manifest your name to the people whom you gave me out of the world. Just some context, this is Jesus praying to God, shortly before he was going to be crucified. So this is at the Garden of Gethsemane. And this is what he’s praying, I have manifest your name to the people whom you gave me out of the world, yours, they were and you gave them to me. And they have kept your word. A couple of verses later, it says, I am not praying for the world, but for those whom You have given me. And I think that is really key for all of us to recognize that God is not assigned us everyone. That’s, you know, Jesus could have been living till he was 89 years old. But he wasn’t assigned to everyone. He wasn’t assigned to walk all the way to Asia and the far reaches of, of Africa and sail over to the Americas. Like that’s not his assignment. His assignment was the geographical area that he impacted and all of the people he impacted in the different levels of impact he had. So first level of impact was his disciples from there. It was some of those friends like they Lazarus and Mary and Martha and some of those like other friends just outside the cusp of the disciples. And then there were the crowds of people. But it was limited. It was limited who had access to him. And it was limited in how many years he had an earthly ministry. There were so many limits that Jesus put on his impact, because of God’s will. So I thought it was very interesting especially it says, I’m not praying, he’s not even praying for the whole world. I am not praying for the world, but for those whom You have given me.
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And I think if if, if Jesus wasn’t intended to impact every single person through His earthly ministry, how in the world why in the world would we not limit ourselves? And so I think that key is really important for us as individuals to be thinking about, who am I supposed to impact? Who has God given me. And so that’s something I was I was praying about this morning, and I think I’ll just read some of my prayer was, Lord, I’m going to limit my concern to those you have given me, I’m going to limit my grief and my sadness, and my words, and my activator strength, which is kind of like my trying to get people to change, and my attention and my desire and my action to those that you have given me, and I’m going to limit my goals to those that you have given me. And I’m going to limit my impact and my prayers to those that you have given me. And so that I spent some time asking the Lord, who have you given me, who have you given me now first, my husband, the second, my kids, third, my dy M clients, people who have made the commitment, based on my promises based on my material, they decided to trust me, and move forward. And that’s my third assignment I am assigned to them is my responsibility to pray for them and steward them and guide them and love them and take time for them and care about them. And grieve with them and be sad with them, but strategically help them. And then the next level is my dy M listeners. Somehow, someway, you’re listening to this guide to has attracted you through some kind of technology, or some person advised you to come over here. Whatever it is, there’s some level of impact that by God’s grace I have on your life. And I also take that seriously. And after that, is going to sound strange, but after that is my extended, you know what, I don’t think this order is actually right now that I think about it. So I would say my dy M clients, and then my extended family. Yeah, that’s a question mark. Not sure exactly the priority there. But my extended family is in the mix, where you know, my mom, my brothers and sisters, my dad, those people, and then after that my church family, I think the reason I have that later, is when I think about Jesus family, like they were in the cusp, they were outside of the disciples. But they were in the like, circle just outside of the disciples. Does that make sense? So obviously, I have a big impact. And I’m, you know, born into a family, it’s my responsibility to honor my mother and father. But at the same time, this is my assignment in the world is to impact others for Jesus to attract others to Jesus through my work. And so yeah, just in terms of prioritization, so then I spent time, specifically on each one of those praying for each one of those areas, and praying in priority and asking God to help me in that priority. And so I’m at a spot where I am praying for this launch for the men that are supposed to be in the masculinity reclaimed program, to be drawn to it, and to decide this is it. They’re going to, they’re going to do what they need to do to transform their marriage. And that’s what I’m praying for. I’m not praying for hundreds of people in this program. I’m not even praying for 1000s of people. I’m praying for a specific amount of people that I believe in their heart, they’re going to say, Yeah, this is me. This is me, I’m going to step out of line and decide that I’m going to exert my faith. And I’m going to do this. And that’s what I’m praying for. Because I, I’ll read, I’ll read to you, this is on my desktop, I’ve got it. This is kind of funny. I’ve got a picture that I found on Google, of
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a group of men. And there wasn’t a whole lot of diversity in there. So I also found another picture of a group of men and I like cut them together. And so I’ve got some diverse, but anyway, it’s ultimately the full amount of men that I want to have in this program. And this is what I wrote on my desktop. So every time I look at it, I pray for them. So I want these men to be good men, followers of Jesus, godly husbands, amazing fathers, focus businessmen, ministry leaders, able to love and serve others have a deeper walk with God. I want these men to see beauty in life. I want them to enjoy the deeper things. I want their level of temptation to decrease and their desire for scripture and prayer to increase. I want them to be on God’s assignment. I want them to notice what God is doing in their lives. I want them to get on with what he is purchasing for them. So you might be like, what does that have to do with sex? Well, I think Think the men that are going to be drawn to this program is saying, I know exactly sex is an absolute hindrance and blocked to my relationship with Jesus. And I’ve just seen it over and over again that I’m like, here, gents, let’s you know, let me give you the tools, let’s change this perspective, let’s change all these things. And then they love God better, because they’re not wounded, they’re not suffering, they’re not bleeding out, because their sexual desires are not satisfied in their marriage. You know, Paul says, If you burn with passion, get married. And then he basically makes it sound like so you can get on with God’s work. Like, I’d rather you be single, because you can have a more singular focus in God’s word. But if you’re burning with passion, get married, and stop burning with passion, stop being distracted. But here’s the problem. A lot of men are married, and burning with passion. And that is a travesty. And that’s the work of GYN. That’s why I do this work. I don’t want you burning with passion in your marriage, I want you to get over it, get it fixed. So you can get on with on with God’s life with his his work with what he wants to do through you. You know, that’s something one of my faith statements every morning is that this business is impacting ministries, that the men who were distracted, can now start because they are no longer distracted. They’re no longer hindered by their sex life with their wife. Now it’s fixed and they can go on with God’s work. Like, that’s what I, you know, I wish my ex husband would have known that, that that I wish my ex husband would have known how to motivate my transformation, so that he and I both would have been able to get on with God’s work. And now by God’s grace, my husband doesn’t know how to motivate my transformation, I’ve been able to witness that. Throughout our relationship, things changed. Things changed in a really dramatic way. I’ve heard some men say, I’ve heard your story. And you went through a dark season, where personally I was I was promiscuous. And so I learned more about how men think. But then I got married. And I was just doing sex, like I was still generous. But it was more to appease him because I understood what it meant to him. And but through our relationship, my desire for it shifted. So what I’m trying to say is a lot of people I work with say that when my wife was really free in the beginning, she was really interested in sex. It’s like, she used to know how men thought, and now she doesn’t anymore. So that’s proof to me, that you as a husband can do things that will shift things and, and you might be saying, well, my wife was never that way. I’ve also worked with husbands that their wife was never that way. And she became that way because of who he became he changed. And she changed. I’m thinking, specifically, this is pretty funny. I’ll give you two quick stories is one husband I worked with just not not too too long ago, but I had included some of his quotes in my material, my marketing material for this launch. And he emailed me and he said,
18:39
he said something about like, he needs to be my marketing manager or something like that. And I was like, Yeah, well, if you if you didn’t write so well, I wouldn’t include yourself. And, you know, because I always ask the men that I work with, after they work with me if it’s okay, if I include, you know, some of their either quotes or story without adding any identifying features. So anyway, he told me even after the the work, he and I did together, that that things were going great in his marriage and in their intimate life. So it was really encouraging to hear that. And then the next thing I was gonna say is that another husband that I worked with a long time ago, dramatic, dramatic changes in his marriage. Just so so exciting to see even though he was the only one that did the work. And she just became this, this person that who initiates all the time and she never would before. But anyway, a long time after he and I worked together. We were chatting about something completely different. And he said, You know what, I want to just tell you that since the program, I can tell I’ve been different with my daughter, and she actually maybe was having trouble with boys or something like that. And he felt like he’s been able to share with her her worth as a woman, how men should treat her. Because now he understands it for himself with his wife. And he’s like, I’ve really got to thank you for that. Because the program is what? What changed that for me that I’m a better dad now. So that’s really powerful. Because I’m thinking about that young lady’s life, her entire life is going to be different. Possibly, she’ll never go through a phase that I did have of devaluing my body. Because she’ll know, to her core, what her value is worth. And that’s something I didn’t understand. And sadly, my dad just didn’t know how to communicate that to me. And so I wish for every husband, to understand the value of his wife, and and transform that it’s not an easy transformation. That’s what this whole program is about. So that your wife wants to make love to you. That’s, that’s the whole deal. And because I have an unorthodox approach, if you like parse this piece with this piece, and this piece with this piece, it’s not necessarily going to make sense. So that’s why this is a 90 day program, where it’s live, classes, training, coaching calls with me for 90 Days Weekly. So a total of like 13 or 14, coaching calls. And then there’s lifetime access to training modules that and that is the system that has tried and true time and time again. And I’ve I’m reformatting and restructuring things to make sure it’s tweaked and as effective as possible for you. And then the other piece of this program that I’m really loving is all about accountability. So I have specific forms that you fill each each week, and I read those and I can comment on those on our on our coaching calls, so I can really give you tailored advice to what you’re going through. And the final piece is real time support, that you have a private online community of men that are rooting for you encouraging you praying for you, as you’re going through whether it’s temptation, whether it’s a question about a certain skill that we’re learning, whether it’s about something that happened, an argument that just broke out, and what do you do, and I mean, it’s just amazing support. And I just am so excited for this program to kick off. So the close date is approaching very soon. So I want you to I’ll I want you to just to do it, if you’re if you’re feeling this in your heart, maybe you’re one of the men that I am praying for, I’m not assigned to everyone, not everyone who listens to this are going to sign on, that’s good. Because not everyone is supposed to. I’m not assigned to everyone. But if you are that one, I just pray that that God would change your heart in the way that he needs to, for you to jump into this with a with a full heart with hope that God’s going to change this. Alright, let me pray for your father. If this is a gentleman that you want, that you want transformed through this program, I pray, Lord, that You would make it just clear in his heart that no matter what he’s going to do this, he’s going to figure this out, this is his time to step up and do this.
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It’s not going to be offered for another year. And I just ask that you would make it clear to him that this is his time for transformation in his marriage, and that he’s going to get it in line. So he doesn’t burn with passion anymore. So that he can be doing your work in this world. So he can be a more Christ centered man, for you, Lord, and His marriage is just an overflowing, exciting, good, relaxing place that he gets to enjoy. As then he gets to go out there and fight the good fight and do the things you want him to do. And he gets to come home and have an incredible intimacy and relationship. And Lord, I pray that if this is a wife listening, that is questioning whether or not her husband should do this, I pray also you would put it in her heart. And you would give her the words and how to approach her husband and how to encourage him. Because she knows this is going to change him in the way that she needs him to change so that she can be free and fierce and relaxed and released in intimacy Lord, because I’ve worked with women who their own husbands undermined her progress. And she wasn’t able to be everything that she needed to be long term in freedom and intimacy because of some of the bad behaviors he was doing. Lord, I trust you for this. I trust that the men that you need in this program that you have assigned to me are going to come out and I pray also just for those that that support dy M with their prayers, that they would pray for this as well. They would join me in this prayer for the men to join that need the transformation. In Jesus name, Amen. All right, I love you. And I really, really look forward to seeing you on the inside. Find out all the details of the masculinity reclaimed program at delight your marriage.com/mr SP. Mr. SP, I look forward to having you it’s going to be an amazing, amazing transformation. God bless bye
25:31
I’m going to end this with just a couple of testimonials that I love. And I think it’ll encourage you. I work with husbands a lot who start out skeptical, but for genuine, legitimate reasons, because they’ve tried to change their marriage many times before. I want to tell you about a couple of those stories. There was a husband who came on speaking with me about how his wife was willing, but mechanical, it was almost like she was interested in appeasing him. But definitely there wasn’t a pursuit of pleasure or desire for her own benefit in sexuality. And so this is a few quotes from him. But the truth is, this is a story I hear over and over again, and you might see yourself in the shoes. So what he said is, before he came into the program, he was dependent on the intimacy on that connection with his wife, it was hard to function without it almost desperation, she needed to make me happy, but she never could. And there was resentment. She was just going through the motions, not because she liked it. And he would question Does she still love me today. And now he says that I don’t need sex to be functional. Now it’s something to be enjoyed and explored. Not that I needed like air and water that it was before. And so now after the program, my wife feels like she can be herself again, not guarded, just herself. She moves closer to me. She teases me sexually, she has the space and safety now, which gives her the ability to give to me generously. We’re having firsts in our lifetime experiences now. Our bumps are basically non existent. Now she calls me and we’re individual people. I’m so incredibly at peace and happy. And it’s inside as well. I’m back to the person who can function independently, but chooses to be with my wife, even times when I want to pleasure her without any intercourse. But she gets so excited that now she craves it. And she says thanks. I needed that. After sex now, it was such an honor. And she thanks me sincerely. And again, that’s a story that I, by God’s grace, get to hear a lot. I’m going to also share another gentleman’s conversation, which a lot of us and a lot of men see themselves in this story as well.
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He said before the program, his biggest challenges were communication and intimacy for sure. Our communication was horrible. I was constantly set on edge by my wife’s being disrespectful, snappy, controlling, or just mean, intimacy wise. We had been fighting about it for a long time ever since I brought it up in marriage counseling that I wasn’t satisfied by our sex life. It was just a constant battle of me trying to explain what I wanted and my wife sobbing because she felt like I was telling her she wasn’t good enough and needed to change. I was desperate for something to help her understand about sex, and know what I wanted without being hurtful to her. After the program, he said, I think the biggest celebration is my wife understanding now why sex is important to me. She always knew that sex was important when you’re married, but I don’t think she ever understood on an emotional level, what intimacy meant to me. She apologized for things she said in the past regarding intimacy and has made a huge effort to increase our frequency so that she can be filling me up in that way. On my own side, I’ve just become much more content in my own marriage. I’m not afraid of coming home now. And I’m excited about spending alone time with my wife again. I’m not worried about saying something that will upset her or spiral us into another fight. I feel much more capable of handling issues in my marriage, and much more confident that God is working in me too. Make me into the husband I’m supposed to be. I’m not as paralyzed by desperation. And I feel like I have a workable strategy to get me to where I want to be in my marriage, I feel more patient more in control of my responses to my wife, and more forgiving of her in the moments where she may not be as respectful. I’m no longer walking in a shadow of fear, and depression that has ruled my life and my marriage for a very long time. I was able to look at my marriage through the lens of what can I do versus the resentment of what is she not doing. As far as the course goes, I really liked how it was laid out in a week by week manner. I think the material is all building on small, specific goals, to a larger, more broad goals in a good way to help change your mindset. Nothing in the course made me feel offended or attacked, it all made a lot of sense. I’d recommend this course to all men, regardless of how long they’ve been married. Even if you’re not struggling with intimacy in your marriage, I think the lessons would benefit every marriage. If I had taken this course, when I was 22. Right after getting married, I might never have had these issues in the first place. I knew from listening to Bella’s podcast, that what she was teaching was the truth. It was the things that I felt every day, and the things that my wife would tell me through her tears. I never believed my wife and I would actually get the chance to participate in the program. Why would we qualify for a program with a published author, successful podcast host. When we were actually accepted, it was the biggest answered prayer I’ve ever experienced in my marriage.
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And I’ll do a final comment about a husband who also really really struggled with this idea of taking off the pressure on his wife, because the challenges that he experienced beforehand was, first of all his wife able to be and stay in the moment for sex, for her to be comfortable with initiating sex and being able to do it in a seductive and desirous way to give or reciprocate complements to make him feel loved and appreciated verbally, and for her to actually desire sexual intimacy instead of just putting up with it and not complaining. And so he’s gotten to a place where, by God’s grace after the program, that she’s getting deeper and deeper into the moment, every time we come together for intimacy, and she takes it seriously now, which is incredibly special to me. She has slowly gotten better with Penny, which again, is oral sex for men. And she’s not ashamed of my finish. Her willingness without complaining and trying new positions, even knowing that most of them are for my enjoyment more than hers, and her slow Bashore progress towards getting out of her comfort zone and try new things including the first time she was able to get comfortable enough to let me finish in her mouth, and not shame me. The last one was a huge milestone not because it was the most important by any means, but it did show me the level of her maturity and growth and acceptance of her and my sexuality. And finally the thought that now this huge barrier wall is down. I feel that our future endeavors to try new things together and keep variety so that our intimacy life doesn’t get stale, will be much easier. So ending the program on a very positive note that we are on an awesome path now. praising God for those stories, he is so good. So if that tugs at your heart, and you feel like you are one of those students that needs to be in this program and get those results, then go to delight your marriage.com/m s RP and join in because enrollment is closing very soon. God bless you. I love you. We’ll talk soon