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transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. All right, welcome back. Thank you for joining. And I’m sorry, it’s been a little bit since I posted a new podcast, just started with the masculinity reclaimed program, and it’s already doing amazing Praise God. So very excited about that. Thank you. For the gentlemen who have joined me. It’s just just amazing. Praise God, I’m already seeing changes. And I’m so excited about so much more to come. Well, I have my husband on the podcast today, because it happens frequently that men actually asked me to listen to my husband, because they want to know, how is it that you could be the way you are Bella, your husband must have something to do with it. And the truth is, he has quite a lot to do with it. So this is an awesome episode. This is part one, part two is going to come out next week. And I invite you to listen and listen with a really curious heart that are there nuggets in here that that you need to hear that God wants you to hear. And I think there’s a lot. So enjoy, oh, quickly, if you end up doing an iTunes review, I am offering right now that if you do an iTunes review, you take a screenshot of it, and you email it to me at belah BLH. At delight your marriage calm, I’m actually going to send you a couple of videos from my wild romance course, that’s only right now offered to my current students. And it’s a $97 value. So I would love to send that to you. So take a screenshot. Send it to me belah at delight your marriage calm. And yeah, it would mean a lot to me. And it would help a lot of people to find out more about the podcast. So thank you. And let’s dive in. Hi there, and welcome. This is belah rose, and I am here with my husband, Dee and I am so excited about this conversation. So right now my working title is the sexiest dad alive. It’s possible I’ll change that title. So more people will click on this, but maybe more people will click on it because this is the title. I don’t know. But the reason I wanted to have this podcast is because in the past, when my husband has been on the podcast, I’ve heard actually from a lot of men, how helpful it was to hear from my husband. And because a lot of men are trying to figure out how they can be the men that attracts their wife for intimacy that that attracts her to that. And everyone remember one gentleman said after listening to the I think it was a three part series called How to be easygoing, or transformed to be easygoing, I really encourage you to go back and listen to that, if you haven’t yet, but I remember him saying, he even cried after listening, listening to that podcast because he was just like all of his life. He has been a mentor to men. But he didn’t have a role model as a man to look up to to be aside from Jesus, of course, which he said was great. But he said he was so moved by just the words that my husband spoke. And even just saying that out loud, I get chills, because I am so honored and grateful that I get to spend each day with this man. And he truly is a gift and also the sexiest dad alive. So we’re going to talk about fatherhood, we’re going to talk about that sort of thing. So maybe I’ll I’ll kind of be interviewing him. We haven’t prepared this, but I do, just kind of, let’s go ahead and pray that God would use it. So Father, I just thank You that we’re here. And we and the person listening wants to hear from you, God and I ask that whatever you have on your heart for them is what would come out in this episode that whatever my husband has on his heart to share is what would come out that would impact in in a beautiful way in an important way in their heart in their life. In Jesus name, Amen. All right, so honey, maybe do you want to talk about why fatherhood is important?

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Hello, everyone. Why fatherhood is important. I feel like I mean, just looking at my kids, and to be with them.

5:11
I don’t know if if that’s what it’s supposed to look like, whatever by knowing that I’m doing the best that I can to role model them. And they can see how I treat my wife. And they imitate that. And I feel like that’s wonderful. When I, when I see my kids doing the same thing as her, that is doing to his wife. For example, one of the things that I we see constantly is one they call my wife Bella, that Princess and or the queen. And because that’s what I call my wife, I sometimes, you know, we had to let ladies go first we hold the door. And they had that habit, because Daddy does that all the time. I think at least that’s what i i I’m doing in I feel like just for that little habit of doing it. It tells a lot about me. And with my kids. And even Joe’s another example that my youngest, he’s five and a half. And he started picking up trash in the park around the people. And without even asking and all those people are stop just looking at this five year old. And then they just say thank you is it thank you so much for you doing that. And you know, with his face, you say Oh, you’re welcome. And me see my my youngest kid doing that, you know, so that you feel the progress. That proud is that, that I can see. I was like, This is my son. You know, Annika just give a high five and you can see that chest started going up like how proud he was and he asked me do you like that daddy? So man, I love that, that you doing that without even me asking you in I feel like just that, that one simple thing that that I can weather show or teach my kids. You know, I am not the perfect dad nor Husband, husband that it’s up there. And I feel like just you know, with my older son that seeing that he’s very curious. And he also takes very precautions. And if it’s okay or not, he asked first or sometimes when somebody dropped trash on the floor and he’s want to go ask he like all you drop something. And he knows us trash. And that person feels like Oh, I’m sorry. I you know, they’ll just leave you there. And he’s like, No, that’s I think this is trash. And I feel like you know for this what what these other adult people will say to my son, you know yes of course I’m they’re very close to him you know, just in case but they know that is is wrong in what I what a seven year old to teach them. That is wrong, that it’s not okay. We had to take care of what we have. It’s like my wife, whether if you say we got to take your my wife a meze is you know, by audio say I’m taking care of her. Providing her things that whether she is having some tough time or she’s enjoying or she just want to share something in for me. I’ll do the best that I can to be there for that emotion that she can get to share. And I feel like I feel honored that if I get to do that, and I get to reach that in I feel like a lot of us as a men we just want to fix problems. Whatever the problem or or challenges that she is feeling. She was wanting to say it and us we think it’s annoying. We can just say just deal with it. And don’t you see that’s so easy to just forget Look, I don’t think about it. Like, like that. You know, but we if we can just listen. Listen and just listen what our wives just

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just what she has to say maybe just she’s trying to tell you something or she just wanted to share something with you. You know this is we as her husband’s supposed to be the safest person Yeah, that she can Come with us. Yeah. You know, yes, they’re his best friends. But I feel like I said, husbands, you know, you should be, we should be the person that should come, whatever the the issue that she’s struggling with, in I feel like it by us doing it and be aware of that I feel like we can accomplish a lot of things, we can get closer to our wives, you know, at least that she will feel that we, she’s closer to you. And us as a husband’s a you know, when our wives serve us, you know, intimacy, we feel very, very close to, to our spouse. And I feel like even sometimes when we feel closer to my wife, intimacy, I feel like, this is something that I feel that God has provided for me, even though she has seconds that provide for me, or minutes, or whatever the long is, hours. In it feels like those things that I feel like, sometimes my wife, she asked me, How are you feeling? And it’s very, is very complicated to, to explain, at least for me how the feeling of my whole body is feeling from inside and outside. Like how that just the feeling to have intimacy with my wife. And I feel like that’s, even if you get a million dollars, I feel like, you know, a jackpot or whatever, or the dog or 1000s of dollars that you you have, it’s it’s not the feeling of every hour or every day, you know, it’s there. But when you have an intimacy with your wife, that time I feel like it’s, it’s worth more than that. In I feel like a lot of us Yeah, I think it’s that we know the feeling. And we just know that we, we got an intimacy with our wives. And that said, we don’t think about more ahead of what, like, why I’m feeling like this, my whole body, you know, emotional physically. And whatever the, the challenges that I’m doing with my work, or with friends or neighbors, whatever, I feel like that, that feeling as a man, it’s it, like, blocks everything and then just focus on that. And I feel like that’s, that’s amazing that we don’t even think about that. Like that. You know? And I feel like I just see with my kids, right, and I don’t know, I like for example, this is one thing that my my youngest son, he talks about these, these little girl, oh kindergarten, and the way that he talks, the way that he talks, you know why he says, Oh, he’s want to treat her with a no, just like his wife with us as a queen. And he says, you know, what I want to do, I want to give to her, you know, I’m gonna bow down and he started telling details, and I feel like wow, who who’s been teaching? Or what kind of movies these guys been watching? First of all, we i i Don’t let them watch a lot of movies or TV. I feel like you know, my thing God that I have a wife like, Bella that she reminds me constantly like No, honey, you are the one who’s teaching your our kids how to treat other

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humans human being a female with respect. Yeah. And I feel like Wow, is that is that how is that really how, you know, like, I don’t think about I just do it. But I think the reflection of I see my son talking about a lady we treat them with respect with honor then. And, you know, I feel like that’s, that’s more than a prize for jackpot that people get excited. I feel like that’s more to if I leave that that with my son, you know that this guy’s this these two little guys will bless all their families and expanded. And I feel about that we, we we if we were you know, like sometimes I think about like I’m not doing best being as a dad because I, you know, I did say or did something. And I feel like no, I’m, you know, I’m, I’m learning, I’m dad that I’m learning there is no instructions about how to be a dad, there is a lot of books that it says how to be the amazing dad or you know what anything, but I feel like leaving that live as yours as a dad, whether with a special needs, you know, a lot of people without we know how their special needs with our kids and constantly they have to wake up, you know, the kids are like, older than 10 years old, and that’s their baby. And you see them how they love their their key, they don’t judge them. Because why you were born this way or something, I feel like, I am so blessed to have my kids so they can run, they can walk, you know, they can hug in. I just feel like it’s, it’s I’m so blessed to have a family that I’m you know, just to see in constantly, every single morning when I wake up, you know, when I wake up, and then you say my kids, you know, good morning, and they’re just happy and ramen, give you a hug that Good morning, it is a good morning. You know, a lot of us a lot of people that we know maybe that people that we don’t know, they won’t have the chance to hug their kids or their wife so to say I love you know, accidents happen. So why not the first morning to say that I love you to the person’s the kids, the wife, someone your mom or dad to say I love you. Because we don’t know if it comes back home from work. That’s right. You know, cuz a lot of things happen in this world. And I feel like a lot of good people, a lot of great people get hurt. And, you know, sometimes for me gets frustrated when I see like, people doing the the bad things wrong things. And it looks like they are living the life. And when people are doing the best they can. And it’s like they’re struggling constantly. But you know what I feel like you because you are aware of the needs of your family of few. And that’s where you’re the struggle, if you call the struggle that is coming with you. But if you’re not aware of that, because you don’t care about these other families or even your own family. I feel like it’s you know, it’s not there, but it is impacting every one around you. You know, but I feel like by you, us doing or saying certain things, I feel like hurtful things or mean things I feel like we are we’re waking our minds because we can’t find the right way. Whether to say because we just know the easy way to say it and that spare very easy, you know, to express ourselves our anger, screaming, you know, why don’t know what good does with a screaming? Yeah, you know, I mean, we can all hear him. Even people with the mute people where they came here, I feel like they can speak with you know, sign language. You know, I feel like when people they can hear you, you can scream for them to hear what the what good does. It does. And I feel like there’s a lot of things that we, we we don’t understand. You know, and with my kids and yes, my kids have their, you know, they’re trying to challenge me, you know, but, you know, they know that I know that. They love me, and they know that I love them even my you know, this is one thing that I one of the things that I share when I when I will share when I want to put my kids to sleep

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before it was very stressful for me to put into sleep with prayer because I feel like takes a lot of effort and time and especially when you’re not doing well you’re not feeling your best. But I feel like I realized that thank God that my kids asking me if I can pray for them. And they asked me if I can pray for them. So they’re not be scared. He know what and now this are praying for me that I cannot be scared because I tell you what, I get scared sometimes. I get scared, scared, everything whatever the the world is happening. I think it’s clear with my keys What What if something happened? Or my wife or you know, things in life and for here? My five year old praying for me for his daddy about that to not be a scare. You know, sometimes I, I almost cry because I feel like it’s Jesus, I get to hear him praying for me that said, I’m with you. You know, my older son when, when sometimes he says that he you know, sometimes when I’m when I’m upset, frustrated, I I say mean things to you, when, when he say mean things to me. He just he just said, I don’t, I don’t want to, I don’t want to go outside. Because he’s upset or I don’t want to clean the toys. Or I don’t want to wash the dishes or something. When that’s what when he said mean things he says that he wouldn’t. I’m sorry, when I’m upset when I’m frustrated. I say mean things to you. But I know deep in my heart, I love you. I love you. But I don’t understand why when I get upset, I say those mean things to you. But I know, I know inside me, I love you. I love you. I just I don’t understand when I’m angry. You know, in me as a dad, I’ll I treasure those things because I feel like, that’s okay, you know, feelings are everywhere. And me is that to help you? How do you know manage those feelings? Because I still have feelings that I never get to manage? You know, on the site, it’s okay. You’re you’re growing? You know, you tell me when your frustration means when you’re happy? You know that things? Are you telling me how you’re feeling and you don’t know why you’re acting like this. And I feel like with, with my son telling me I feel like I feel honor that he’s telling me rather to be quiet, or be afraid of him telling me his feelings. You know, and sometimes he you know, I could keep going on with my kids. But I’ll tell you like, with my kids, when I hold the door with older adults, and they just they, you know, they get impressed just by their, their youngest age and they be in they even say like no the Queen first. Then they think all the ladies are queens. So they tell the Queens first and you know, and I hear some parents are like, or other adults is like you’re doing such a good job with that, you know, it used to be like, Thank you, but I will receive that that compliment. Instead of like, Oh, thank you so much. You know, I thank you. I really appreciated that someone notice it? Yeah, you know, I’m not looking for that someone notice it. I feel like just me showing my kids where respect is and what honor is, you know, that every morning when we pray we eat and they just know when they go and they eat first by themselves. They already start praying by themselves. You know, without me asking. And a lot of times my my kids that pray about the mommy will do is will will have the wisdom that had the wisdom to to the wisdom to say the words that people need to hear. We need to hear yes. You know, I feel like you know sometimes when my wife comes from work and and we hear like no, you know all this wonderful stories. And sometimes I whisper my son I’m like you, you see that? You pray and this happens. Look at that. You know, they’re like, Mommy, we pray and this in daddy heals in Jesus and Guy heals you. And I feel like Yeah, it really does. And I don’t know, I feel I get too excited. You start speaking.

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Isn’t he amazing? Okay, so a couple things. If you don’t mind any I want to pull out from what you said. The first thing I love that you said is your kids imitate you. And you know, I think about you know, if you’re listening you maybe you have kids, and depending on how old they are, you know our kids, right? seven and five. We’ve always thought of basically up until they’re 12 We have the most influence on their character and who they become. And then after that, they’re from my perspective, they’re kind of formed and then we just kind of steward them a bit after that. But really, those early years are so vital. And so the sad thing is I think a lot of us are short sighted and we think oh the early years we just have to get through and and then after that then there there are you You know, they’re, they’re more mature and we can actually relate to them and connect to them in a, you know, in a real way. But the truth of the matter is the work that my husband’s talking about of being present with them, being patient, helping them manage their feelings, modeling what a man of character looks like modeling a good husband, those are the things that they have to see when they’re young. At least from my perspective, it gives the most impact. Now, obviously, you’re never too old to do to do and start modeling the right thing. But the other thing I wanted to pull out from this is our church, you know, with COVID, and everything, we do zoom calls on Sundays. And so Father’s Day just happened, right. And one of the, what we did is was a discussion of what was a lesson you learned from a father, or father figure? And, you know, it was really striking to me that if we had this conversation on Mother’s Day, I’m sure 95% if not more, of the comments would have been really positive about about their mothers. But this conversation, I would say, at least 50% was about forgiveness of their fathers. And I’m very grateful, because that’s the, that’s the direction we need to go is forgiveness of our fathers. But is forgiveness is what I’m trying to say. But the answer is, we need men of character to be fathers, that God needs you to be in this world, so that we have whole humans going out into the world doing God’s will. And I would love to say, and I’m not going to share details, unless my husband decides he wants to share details, but my husband did not have a role model. As a father, he, he did not have a role model, I want to be as emphatic as possible with that the role model he had is the opposite of what he does. And so my encouragement to you, sirs that are listening, to attract your wife sexually, be the dad that you wish you had. Be the dad that you wish you had. Be the husband you wish your daughter would marry. And that means in the darkness in the secret in the quiet where no one knows, be the man you wish your daughter would marry. Because I look at my husband and No, he wasn’t that his whole life. But he has chosen by God’s grace to change, to change his character to change who he is on the inside. And it impacts our entire life. I mean, you can you know, rewind this episode and just listen, like there’s so much beauty in this man’s heart. But it’s what he chooses day in and day out. And a couple of more things if you don’t mind honey on unless you want to jump in and comment. Yeah, go ahead. I feel like one of the things that I remember when you said be be the the person that man that your daughter wants to marry that that respectful and kind and kindly, man, you know, there was one interview about this guy, good looking guy. They said, You know, I think you know, and he says

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not as good looking as this guy. Anyway, you know, and they say, Hey, what happened? What oldest changes? And he says, You know, I waste my my, my body on on gone crazy going wow. Ladies here, alcohol here. Drugs everywhere. And you know, friends are everywhere. Of course when it happens to your if you call friends. They’re everywhere. And he says that one of his teachers or mentors asked him like, Hey, have you ever think about having kids? Or you know, kids, so Yeah, well I will have you know, I would like to if I meet the right person, I would like to have a you know, two daughters or you know, I don’t remember but you said a daughter and he says oh what what? How will you describe your daughter to marry this person? Yeah. So and he started saying like, well he described his perfect men. You know the my that doesn’t small doesn’t Drake and all this stuff that respect my daughter. He says I described and then he said his mentor ask. So you want why you you? You described you as the perfect man, for your daughter. But yet you are going out with someone else daughters that they don’t respect those human beings, those ladies. He says for that day he, he just start crying. Because he says, I just hurt a lot of people. I just have a lot of a lot of ladies that I want my daughter to, to marry the perfect man. I want to be the perfect man who my daughter is looking for. See a daddy that respects the the human being the woman. Yeah. And if my daughter when she gets married, whatever and is being disrespected, she knows and, and she’ll be wise enough that knows that’s not what she wants. That’s not what she’s looking for. And he says that, since that day, he says that he will. He says he prays to God. And he says, because my, my body is a temple of God, and not a one a wasted in I promise. He says that he promised that he won’t have any any sexually. Intimacy, stop with anyone else until he gets marry. And that’s when he honored that, that woman with the rest of his life and heart in the asking how long has been that he says been already eight years. And yeah, I just, you know, that is as a man, I feel like that’s, that’s wild, too. When someone is talking about God. Like that. I feel like that’s, that’s like another level. You know, sometimes I feel like, I, I keep saying these over again, with my friends. I said, my kids are Luke helping me to look the world on a different angle. Because I’m not used to I wasn’t used to speak or think or act like this, I used to be, you know, those teenagers that they, they think they know the world. Luckily, they come home safe, you know, and it’s scary. Because it’s, you know, teenagers, you think you know, the world and you don’t want nobody to tell you what to do. And I feel like if if I can be with my kids, you know, they, they, they will think that they know the world, but also take precautions, and feel free to come and ask me or to tell me whatever is bothering them. You know, and they feel comfortable to come home and have a talk. You know, I feel like a lot of us as dads that bet you that we didn’t we did not have a really good relationship with our dads, because of the way that you treat our moms. Yeah. But also there’s a lot of husbands that they did the best that they can to love their wife and their kids on their own way. Yeah, you know, and I feel like by showing our kids how to love our, our spouse, our wives, husbands or wives I see I feel like it reflects with our kids, the way that they talk, you know, the way that they they act with other people with you, with their friends. You know, I feel like the the

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I feel I gotta share this as someone that I, I someone that has said on Father’s Day that sent an email that he said, you know, D I, I was one is anyway, this is what you know, he says he says, Happy Father’s Day. I can’t remember. But basically what he’s saying that I am doing, what God’s asking me to do through my kids, and by loving my wife and honor him. And through that ever reflects everything around me. You know, I start, I start crying for this man because he’s older than me. He knowing he says that I you know, wisdom that I have, I feel like a lot of times we we earn or we get wisdom by things that we had to go through. And that’s how you know that not to go that way. And that’s why you know, and, and I feel like this the gentleman that sent me the email i i Keep reading every day because I feel like I’m doing the best that I can to, not to for him to to forget permission to say yes I you know I am doing what you asked me to do. I feel like he, he just tell me those things and I encouraged me to do even better. You know where his wife and it’s incredible to see another dad, older than me to tell me this things that yes, you’re doing what God asked you to do. And you know, I’ve been meant to emailing back. But I feel like sometimes I can’t find the words. And when I can’t find the words, I feel like I’m not just want to email them. You know, but no, I just the the gentleman what he says about the Father’s Day, you know, it means he means so much. He’s I feel like just like to be a role model. Awesome. Thank you, babe. Next week, we are going to dive into the second half. And it’s just continued gold, I’m so grateful. And if you do end up leaving me an iTunes review, it will help people find out about the podcast. And that’s how this work grows. By God’s grace, he uses even a very simple thing like AI technology where the more reviews you get, the more people listen on are able to find the podcast easier on just when they search just a search term. And most of the people who find me do it through a search term. And so your your participation in that is a is a huge help for me. And I want to give you a free gift $97 value, two videos and two PDFs. On my new course the wild, wild romance rediscover what you had at first. And that’s only currently offered to my current students right now. So we’d love for you to jump on board and get that resource. So right in iTunes review real quick. Just take a moment. Take a screenshot, email it to me and then and yeah, I will respond to you right away with not right away. Sometimes it takes a couple of days. But make sure you do that right away and then I can get that to you. And if you’re listening to this in the future, I’m going to just keep offering this, at least for the foreseeable future. So to go ahead and do it now and then I can send that to you. All right. God bless you. Bye