Podcast: Play in new window | Download

This interview is with a man who had suffered in intimacy in his marriage for 14 years.

She had intense anxiety and it made intimacy very difficult for them. Sex would happen maybe 1x a month, but it was never something they could talk about. And masturbation was something he turned to alleviate the loneliness.

Now they make love 3x per week–and she initiates 90% of the time!

What changed?

Well, it all started Steve the rooster. This is a good story. Moral of the story…

Step #1 – Buy a rooster

Step #2 – Invite your mom over

Step #3 – …Just kidding… but, there are fantastic keys in his story and the process they went through to get to the other side.

 

One important note I share at the end:

If you are a husband and you want your marriage transformed like Captain’s be sure you’re not accidentally undermining your wife’s confidence and that is exactly the topic I’ll be speaking to on this weekend’s Men’s Masterclass.

www.delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

 

 

  • Another awesome resource Captain shared: Pure Desire Ministries for men looking for support on pornography and masturbation.

Looking forward to speaking with you soon!

Love,

Belah

 

PS Don’t forget to sign up for the LIVE, FREE Men’s Masterclass, sign up here with me THIS weekend!

 

transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy. Learn not only the practicals but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Right Welcome. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining me. This is belah rose. And I am so excited this weekend is the weekend of the Free Live men’s masterclass. It is so exciting. Oh my gosh. So there is such great content and my prayer is really that people’s lives would be changed the their their whole lives would be changed on this weekend’s live masterclass. I’m going to be there giving it my all and you get a front row seat from the convenience of your own couch. So just for men, and really to focus bring your pen and paper you know, ask God to be with you. And yeah, be in a private place quiet be able to, to focus in I think it’s gonna be awesome. Alrighty, so let’s talk about today’s conversation that I had with a graduate captain. So he graduated from the masculine at reclaimed program. So after the third lesson of the Free Live men’s masterclass, I’ll be sharing more about the program. But that is far after tons and tons of teaching and value that I’m going to be giving you for free so, but Captain went on to continue the the journey of growth and took the masculinity reclaimed program. And this is his story. So he started out with quite a lot of suffering in his marriage in intimacy. But he also brought in a lot of difficult stuff from before he was married. So I’ll let him share the story. But it’s a really beautiful healing journey that God took he and his wife on, throughout, and I’m just really excited to share. Yeah, his journey, and you’ll hear just through the conversation, not just his story. But also, you’ll hear the the, the shifts in mentality that he had, that I think are vital for men and women to have in order to really be able to change things in their marriage. So if you are a husband, and you are looking for transformation, your marriage, I think that this is going to be inspirational for you. So look forward to having you on the men’s live training, go to delight your marriage.com/ Men’s training. Again, it’s delight your marriage.com/ Men’s training, if you are listening to this, and you’ve just missed the weekend, for a limited time, there will be a replay available. So definitely sign up as soon as you can. So you can get that if you’re listening to this far in the future, that link will still be live to get on the list for possibly the next training or whatever I have for you men in the future. So so do still go to delight your marriage.com/ Men’s training as soon as you can before you forget because people have asked me that, you know if certain trainings are still available, and I closed them, so they’re not so so definitely do it as soon as you can. Alright, let’s dive into captain’s awesome interview.

3:50
Welcome. I’m really excited to talk to you. Yeah, me as well. Awesome. Awesome. I’m curious if you would be open to sharing with me just what was intimacy? What was marriage like before? The Mr. Program? Would you say? Yeah, absolutely.

4:06
I’d love to share that. I guess where do you want me to begin? So my wife has struggled with debilitating anxiety for the majority of her life, just from childhood trauma from her mom’s kind of undiagnosed mental illness. And so I knew what I was getting into ahead of time I knew her anxiety, we had talked about it and choosing counseling and stuff, but it was still it was a struggle. So for the first year of our marriage, we couldn’t even argue, because as soon as I would show any frustration or just anything, she would literally her brain would just shut off and she would just shut down and disassociate from the situation, and we would get nowhere. So fast forward a few years. That was actually a fantastic thing in our marriage because it really helped. I really had to deal with my frustration, anger and other ways to be able to communicate with my wife and I can really count on one hand how many arguments we’ve had in Marriage. So we’ve had pretty good communication. So we, we have a great marriage. But my wife grew up in a very conservative home. And so we’re sex was never really talked about unless it was in the area of absence. And sex is only for marriage and not for marriage. It wasn’t ever. It was nothing that was discussed. And so there was all this unknowns and bad heart heart bad. Sex was like for procreation and not for fun. I would say the last almost 13 to 14 years of our marriage has been a struggle sexually. There was, on average, it was probably we would have sex maybe once a month. And there was no connection. It was more like, really felt like she was just doing it because she knew I needed it. Which to be honest, I’d rather masturbate. It’s I know, it sounds crazy. But it there’s more intimacy in that than there would have been there wasn’t my wife and not blaming this on her. But that’s where a lot of my struggle with pornography came in, and masturbation and just that whole struggle, which opened up all kinds of doors. Not good ones. My past I was very promiscuous before I got married, and many girlfriends, many sexual partners. And so I came into the marriage with really high sexual expectations. That bar was set way too high for my wife. And she wasn’t able to do what my expectations were not even close. And so that really caused a lot of problems on my high expectations and her very naive ness to it, or just just her upbringing, that’s always been a struggle. So that we’ve had a great marriage. I love my wife more than anything. She we have great communication, we have fun together, we like to laugh like it’s been great. So leading up to before I started the EMR program, it was still a struggle. It was starting to get better over the last couple years, just because the communication but still maybe twice a month, and we would have sex.

6:52
I’m curious how that also impacted just all the many areas of your life, how did having sex once a month, twice a month where it’s still left you leaving? Feeling pretty alone in the midst of Yeah,

7:07
big time, did affect a lot of our marriage, because I didn’t feel like my like I was important to my wife, I felt her anxiety was more important than me. And so that caused a lot of there’s a lot, there’s some hard heartedness and some malice, but it was pretty Yeah, closed off to that it hurt. And anytime that that I would want to talk about sex, I would bring it up in a moment where I tried bringing it up, like in the moment, and it’s just not good. So I created the moments and try to talk to about it in a peaceful manner and just say, Hey, can we just talk about sex? Can we talk about just all the ins and outs and dislikes and likes? And anytime that I would bring it up? It would just it would usually shut down. And it wouldn’t go anywhere? Just because once again, it’s very off topic subject for her and caused a lot of anxiety. So she just avoided. Yeah, yeah, that’s where we left off. Just before the MMR program.

8:03
Was it impacting you as a father? Was it impacting work? Were there other things that you could tell there? Was it permeated other aspects? I’m curious.

8:11
Yeah, I’m stumbling through that, because I just stepped away. I was like, this is just is what it is. And I’d given up on it. Just because I was stuck. I just didn’t know where to go with it. I didn’t really feel respected as a as a husband. And as a man in my house. I didn’t feel like all cause there was always this rift between my wife and I, there was always this tension. You had mentioned one of the last modules that your wife or your spouse should be kind of should be your vacation. When you come home. It’s it needs to be just a breath of fresh air, seeing my wife. And I never felt that for years that when I come home from work, I didn’t feel I never really felt that because it was always that tension. It wasn’t that breath of fresh air. I couldn’t rest in my wife. And I Yeah, and I’m pretty sure that just that frustration it definitely translated into being of into my me being a father. And because I was there was always that tension. It just it did translate into my children who I wasn’t as patient with my children. And I wasn’t as there for my kids because I was just always frustrated. Yeah. And then my relationship my daughter, she’s my baby girl, right? She is. She’s my baby girl. But I noticed that started I started not wanting to connect with her as well. And and I’m not sure like all the ins and outs of that have wise yet but I know that it was all it’s all tied to this lack of respect as a man as a husband, not that I demand it, or I crave it. It translated into work was I became a workaholic. And because at work I was respected at work. I’m a business owner and so I have employees and stuff and I’m the boss and I’m the man and not that I’m not that kind of boss. I’m not the doer because I said so I it’s I’m right in the trenches with my employees working hard with them learning and growing and it’s a great work environment where everybody’s respected. And so I just found myself working a lot 60 to 80 hours a week, just so I could not be home. And then when I get home, I would busy myself even more just to keep myself occupied to just not have to deal with all of the other stuff. Through that I really started feeling like my kids were a burden to me. They weren’t I, they cramp my style, if you can say that it was a struggle. But it wasn’t until here, I’m getting emotional. I’m a crier, by the way. I cried Disney movies was until a probably a month and a half ago that I finally admitted it out loud and admitted to my wife. And I think I made it on my accountability forums that I was not. I didn’t want to be a dad. I mean, I did. But it was just a struggle. It was just a constant struggle. My kids were constantly cramping my style, I was just always frustrated with them. There was no joy. When I looked at my kids, it wasn’t I wasn’t looking at him, like, all these my kids, and I’ll do anything for him kind of stuff. I was looking, I’m like, man, you’re cramping my style, quit asking me questions, leave me alone. But as soon as I admitted it out loud, as soon as I finally came to grips with that, in my head, everything’s changing a little bit. And that’s new. Still, it wasn’t until about a month and a half ago that that I finally came to that. And it’s been an open topic with my wife, it’s been great to be able to talk about it, be able to figure out how she can come alongside me. And it helped me re enter into that father role and how to be a support to me versus a hindrance or like a pointing finger. I feel like she’s in the room with me now. Because before I didn’t feel like she was in the room. I mean, there was one time recently in this last year, that I actually dismounted from her and I said, I’m done. I said, I don’t want to do this. I said, this isn’t. I said, sex is I and I straight up told her I said, I that’s when I told her I said, masturbation is more intimate than this right now. And, and I said, upset. I’m not saying this to hurt you. I’m just this is how I feel. And I’m just, I’m struggling here. I said, but I can’t do this. I said, I want you here with me. I said, because it’s not my penis in your vagina. It’s about me, being close to you skin to skin. Nothing hidden connection. I think as far as sexually, I think I lean more towards the female sex than the male sex. To be honest, I’m very I need that connection, the emotional part too. So

12:11
that’s amazing. Katelyn, this is amazing. So I think you’ve alluded to this a little bit already. But yeah, what would you say are some of the celebrations you’ve had now going through the program in your life?

12:23
Yeah, we had a couple I had a couple of celebrations before the program. And I think those are kind of really important. Okay, I shared it with you. But I think is the perfect time for it. But so this topic of sex has been an off topic subject for a very long time. And it wasn’t until I would say probably about a month and a half before the Mr. Program started before I even knew about the EMR program. And my parents come up, and we’re visiting. And she my mom has been listening to you for quite a long time. Now. I don’t know how long probably from the beginning. And just her listening to you. And her husband, my stepdad, John, their sex life is phenomenal. They just, it’s helped you to help them out immensely, just by them listening to your podcast. So my mom was excited about it, and was sharing a little bit about it, but not really all of it. But so they were staying at our house and I have a camper and they’re staying in the camper because we’re in the middle of a giant remote process. And they taken a nap and they got up from a nap. And when they got up from the night nap, my mom decided to give my stepdad a hand job. And my mom’s telling us this story afterwards, just as a matter of fact, and my wife, right, yeah, my wife has just beat red in the face because this is my she’s more conservative. And my mom just keeps talking about and pushing it and sharing but she did. She was sharing it because John, when he climax when he orgasms, he couldn’t make any noise. He was just silent. And but just the time he orgasms, our rooster whose name is Steve crowed, right outside their window just got hit. So thanks to Steve, because my mom was telling us a story because she wanted to get the funny part about Steve. Thanks to Steve. It brought up a lot of it was able, we were able to talk about sex and, and all of that stuff. And where there wasn’t any anxiety. What transpired after that a couple days after that, my wife went backwards and went back to you know, being really quiet about not wanting to talk about it. And so a couple days after my parents left, I was on the phone with my mom talking about the MMR program and which just led into more conversation and stuff and my mom was asking me more questions about our sex life and how she could pray for us. And my wife happened to walk in when I was talking to my mom about this stuff. It’s it was not confidential but not that I was hiding anything but it’s just stuff that I don’t that I can’t talk to my wife about. And so my wife immediately got mad and just and so I ended up I even said loving mom gotta go. I hung up and it just there was a massive there was a pretty big argument after that, just about sex and she was my wife made the comment she says she goes I would she was anything that you can share with your mom you can share with me. And I said the thing I wasn’t trying to hide anything. And I said, but the truth is, I can’t. I said, because every time we talked about it, you shut down or you get it, you get real defensive. And you get and I don’t want that. That’s not what I want. I want to be able to talk about it. And so it ended with us just we’re outside when this happened, just parting ways. She was angry, I was angry, I guess I wasn’t angry. I was just hurt. Just Oh, I was really hurt. I was wanting connection with my wife. And it really had nothing to do with sex. It had to do with I needed that intimacy. And I just wasn’t getting it. And I was just so hurt. And in. And that’s where it broke. That was actually a fantastic argument, looking back. And within a few days after that, my mom gave her the book, delighting her husband. And she read it and as soon as she read it, it was like something clicked in her. I haven’t even read the book yet. I want to just to note what what she read. But halfway through reading the book, she literally sends me a text and just says, she goes, Man, this books making me horny. And she goes, What are you doing right now? I was like coming in the house. And so no joke from that point on. It’s been three times a week, I haven’t even had to do anything. She’s the one that instigated and this is the first time she’s ever instigated in our whole marriage. It’s just been great. It’s ironic that the module we’re in right now is about connection sessions and that kind of stuff. But this is her time of the month too. So we’re not we’re not having sex. So we’ve been really thinking about and working through this connection session thing and what that means for us, and it’s been good. That’s leading up to today.

16:35
So she read the book, at the same time that you did the EMR program. Is that right?

16:39
No, she read it before I even started the EMR program. Okay. I think she was finishing it up our first week or two, she just she dove into and read the whole thing right away. There wasn’t it wasn’t like really, she sent me a text one day is she goes, don’t be mad at me. She goes, but I’ve done nothing today. And I was like, okay, whatever she goes, cuz I’ve been reading this book. And I was like, sweet, awesome.

17:04
Praise God. That’s incredible. If things were shifting, I’m curious what made you sign on to the Mr. program and what your experience has been over that?

17:11
Yeah, my wife was going through the book, and she was your podcast and stuff. And I just, I’ve had a almost a lifelong addiction to porn. And I’m really, it’s an addiction. It’s sexual bondage. But something I’ve struggled with since I was a little boy. And I was never molested or anything, but I just, I can’t remember all that back from being five and having these crazy sexual thoughts. Nobody showed me anything. And I wasn’t they were just there. And so I’ve struggled with it all through my life. And, and so I found freedom in it. I have good weeks and bad week, some days where, you know, just sexual thoughts or sexual bondage, thought just just come in as a flood. And I can’t even I can’t even take a thought captive, because there’s so many of them flooding in. And other weeks, it’s just fun, like, oh, whatever, and just acknowledge the thought and kick it out and just move on with my day, and everything’s good. But I love learning. And I love growing in more just information on how to help me process my own thoughts. And by just in way and also in way, learning new ways to connect with my wife and understanding this creature they call woman, which is, you know, that the books a mile thick on a woman, they’re just there’s so much to them. And but I know that I was at a heart I was at, I was at a bad month or a couple months really actually with sexual bondage and just trying to just stay afloat, just in my own mind, and just with a pandemic, and not going to church, and my Bible study wasn’t meeting and all this stuff, and it was just, I was drowning. You probably tell I’m a very social guy. I that’s how I that’s how I unwind. That’s how I refuel his connection with friends, and people. And so I just find myself drowning. Kind of everything, just a God thing. Everything just kit at the right moment. My parents came up at the right time. And my mom, she was just very open and honest with what’s going on in their marriage and their sex life. And they just opened doors. And then she shared she introduced me to you as far as just podcasts. Actually, you know what I think what clicked for me, and why I wanted to move forward with more of your stuff was listening to the interview with you and your husband, not the newest one, but the old the one that was further back. And I remember just listening to it, I was just in tears half the time. Just that’s what I want listening to your husband and him share about what how he felt not feeling respected and just feeling like one of the kids half the time and just that stuff. And I just remember just being in tears, just that pain of just wanting that wanting to be able to have that connection with my wife where she understands me and I understand her and and then that’s when surely after listened to those. That’s when Mr. program kind of came into the picture. And I remember looking at the cost going, Holy cow, it’s a lot of money that I don’t have right now. And so I was on the phone with my mom and I didn’t ask and she said she goes and she goes if you want to do the program, I’ll pay for it. My mom paid for it. To deny that there God with situations like this is just, I can’t like everything just lined up perfectly, I don’t know, I can talk forever, about how awesome the program is. And for the program, as the program’s concerned, I really didn’t have any expectations about it, I just didn’t know what to expect. And I knew a little bit just by listening to some of your podcasts and stuff and kind of reading about it. But I’m just learning that I just came to the conclusion that, that 90% of the class is about communication. Like, it’s very little about sex, that it’s more about learning how to communicate with each other, and learning how my wife needs to be communicated with and how she needs to communicate with me, and both verbally, mentally and physically. And, yeah, it’s just been great to just have these new tools and just new ideas and just new things to just try out. And on top of it, I have a wife, who is knows I’m doing the course and is in support of it. And so I get to share with her what I learned and share some of the modules with her the ones that are applied to her. But rather than me trying to explain it, I’m just like, hey, give me 15 minutes here, listen to this with me. And so it’s been great.

21:06
A couple of the things that I remember you just sharing from the outset, how is communication between the two of you around sex now,

21:14
it is a complete 180 degree turn from what it was, like I said, after my wife after reading that book, it’s something broken her and we’re able to talk about it. Luckily, before we just couldn’t talk about it, because it would just be this, it would just turn into not necessarily argument, but it would just turn into us trying to discuss it, but then she would just get anxious, and then just not want to talk about it. And then it would just go nowhere. And so now we’re able to, we’re able to communicate openly honestly about it. Wow. That’s huge. Yeah. I’m excited for this week’s module because it’s about being able to ask him for what you want. I’m nervous about that. Because every time I’ve asked before, even in a gracious hey, let’s just talk about it totally open ended. I’ve no expectations. Before, it was just like I said, just kind of got that anxious, and they just didn’t go anywhere. And so now I’m nervous about it. But I’m excited to be able to start moving towards that with my wife, and talk to her about what I want and what I desire. As far as you know, that’s

22:15
concerned. So that’s amazing. That’s amazing. Yeah, so communication

22:18
is great. Yeah, it’s been great.

22:21
Wow. And you said from maybe once, maybe twice a month, and now three times a week. And she’s initiating most of them.

22:30
Yeah, three, three times a week. Yeah, I think 90% of the time. And she’s usually hot and bothered before we even start now. Because before it would just like it destroys starting an old lawn mower that has been ran forever. He got to really pull on it for a while to warm it up. But but now she’s engaged. she’s there. She’s present. And it’s been fantastic. I feel I feel so much more fulfilled. And a shared in the module in our time yesterday in class was I used to masturbate three times a week, if not more, some times, but I haven’t done it since because I don’t I literally don’t feel like I necessarily need it. I just I totally feel fulfilled. I feel like I’m connected in that bucket of minus full.

23:15
That’s amazing. And And what about the respect to peace? Because you mentioned that early on as a huge area. You weren’t coming home to refreshing respect connection with your wife. How do you feel now when you come home?

23:29
Because that’s such a I guess, because I understand the neural pathways of the brain creates them. It’s pretty big neural pathway there as far as I’m dealing with old mindsets now. mindsets that I’ve had for years, things that are very ingrained into my mind in my brain and having to reprogram my brain. And so the whole sex piece has helped immensely. But now I’m still fighting once I get home and after about 10 minutes I forget home I can kind of unwind a little bit and fall into my wife but I still on my way home I still get anxious and I’m still fighting those old feelings is what am I going to come home to now because before when I would come home it my wife wouldn’t be excited to see me because she hadn’t seen me all day. She was excited to see me because now I can help with the kids. And same for her she’s having to reprogram her brain. So that when I come home it’s not Oh Evans home he can help me. Oh my husband’s home. I miss him. I’m so glad to see him. Yeah, because before I would just walk in the house and just go start doing my thing. And little hi how are you love you bye kind of thing. And then now I’m really purposefully whether I feel it or not. When I walk in the door. I go give my wife a hug and hold her for a minute and just give her a kiss and say I love you. The very first thing when I walk into the door and then as well as before I leave the house I go into the bedroom because usually she’s usually still in bed. I just give her a kiss on the cheek and say I love you. And I hope you have a great day and just a quick little bite because the truth Because I can walk out that door and die. And I want her to remember me as someone who gave her a hug and kiss and told her I loved her before I left.

25:06
Yes, absolutely. It’s beautiful. Yes, yes.

25:10
So we’re in a work in progress. Yeah. But we’re moving in. And it’s been good. It’s been really good.

25:15
Yeah. So in terms of just the program, is this something you would recommend and, and why? And to who? What would you say?

25:21
Oh, my gosh, absolutely. The funny thing is, I’m actually so I introduced you to my friend Ryan, who’s also the senior pastor of the church. He’s one of my best friends of our church. And so he’s been listening to your podcast, and so is his wife. And he sent me a text probably a month ago, saying, Thank you very much for introducing us to belah. He goes, it’s been awesome. exclamation point, exclamation point, at some point. He’s excited about it. And so actually, he’s an Alabama this week, but it’s next week on on Monday, we’re actually gonna get together for lunch. And I’m going to talk to him about the Mr. Program. And I think is a couple modules, I’m going to have them watch just to get a better idea. This is probably something that we’re going to start pitching in our church and really starting to push. For years ago, I started a program called pure desire at our church. It’s it’s not my program, but it’s called pure desire ministries, and got him Ted Roberts created it. But it’s all about sexual bondage, about addictions of a mainly around sexual addiction for men and women. And so I started that program at the church and small group for men, because I needed it. And so I was like, hey, if I need it, other people need it, but in pitching that, and bring it to the church, I preached a sermon that Sunday and and gave my testimony as far as my struggle with sexual bondage and my addiction to pornography. And I told the whole church Yeah, and so we opened that really opened the door to talking about sex from the pulpit, obviously, with within, within reason. But yeah, it’s been a move in our church over the last four or five years that, that we’re trying to make, move sex and sexuality away from this old school idea that sex is only for procreation, and, and that it shouldn’t be talked about. And the truth is married people have sex. There are 8 billion people in the world. And it’s been a slow go. But we’re our churches starting to really come alive to that and be open and honest. And I think what the straw that broke the camel’s back, that really opened the door was me, coming up and sharing from the pulpit. My struggles, that it’s real 61% of men struggle with some sort of sexual bondage of some sort. 41% of pastors struggle with it. It’s not like it’s it. There’s just a couple people. There’s a lot. A lot of men a lot of women too. I bet it’s yeah, that was more, it’s probably more now. That was probably four or five years ago, the statistics were done. But yeah, it’s 41% of pastors, 61% of men, and it was like 45% of women struggle with some sort of sexual bondage and the majority. And with women, it’s not even. It’s not even sex. Really. One of the addictions is romance novels, because it’s fat. And the truth is the woman’s addicted to fantasy. She lives in a fantasy world. So in her mind, there’s this fantasy that she has, and so that just as bad as a man looking at porn, it’s it the goal fantasy worlds, and they’re not real. But But yeah, so we started that movement through our church. And I’ve led to peer desire groups. And since then, I’m starting to third one, as soon as this is over, actually. Our programs over Yeah, I can only do so much right now. So it

28:28
takes courage. That’s awesome. Okay, I think we’ll just wrap with my final question of just would you give any advice to the gentleman who may be considering joining the program? What would you say?

28:42
Oh, my gosh, you’re gonna tears again, I cannot say enough about this program, and all that it represents. In the beginning, when I first started hearing about Mr. program, I was nervous I was because you start having some woman talk about sexy it’s usually some radical woman who’s just totally way out in left field. And, but what I can say about Bella is that she is down to earth, everything is just so scriptural and, and connection based. And it’s nothing that’s out of the ordinary. It’s not trying to push a husband and wife to do something they’re not comfortable with. And, and for the men out there, I just man up and quit hiding behind this idea of what the world calls masculinity, and what it is to be a man, because the world idea of a man is nothing. It’s not what a man should be. It’s not real. What the world says a man should be is not it’s literally not possible. And I see so many men falling in the trap of trying to meet this world standards of masculinity, from the media to the news to the social media is just, yeah, this program just really helps you wrap your mind around what it truly is biblically to be a man and how me and my madness is just able to connect my masculinity complements her femininity that we’re supposed to work together. We’re not separate we’re need to be one in the Yeah, I just in a nutshell, that’s really the what it is to me to make that makes this program amazing is it just kind of brings the truth back into it?

30:15
Oh, praise God. Oh, that’s beautiful. Awesome. Well kept it you know what I’m, I’m thinking about the gentlemen who may be listening to this or watching this and are really in a spot where you used to be, have one time a month, can’t talk to your wife about it, feeling addicted to something, whether it’s work or anything else to try to get away from it. I would love for you to pray for those men, if you’re open to it that are just like you were several months ago. Yeah,

30:47
I’d love to. Okay. Heavenly Father, I just first of all, just thank you. But I thank you for sending your son to die on the cross for us to take that burden off of us. When I think he that he stands in the gap now Lord, I think that we can come and enter into your holy of holies. And just stand face to face with you and talk and be real, not hidden, not ashamed. First of all, thank you for that. I just pray for the men that are out there or that are just there’s hurt, or that they’re struggling or angry, just frustrated, and just really don’t even know where to go. But I just pray that You would just begin to speak to their hearts. And just open their minds, Lord, to who you are. And I pray that You would give me the courage to step outside their comfort zone, but scary. The struggle. And I pray that you just give them the courage to step out and be able to make this step. Just to step into your presence, Lord, into your grace and into your mercy. And then that you would just show them the truth of what it is to be a man. And yeah, Lord, I just thank you for everything you do for us, Lord, I thank you that that we stand before you cleanse because of your son. So we love you Jesus would just lift the rest of stay up to you and your name. Amen. Amen. They’re the tears I’m least empathetic person in the face that planet like I just but when it comes to men and freedom, and and the men that are out there hurting, that are struggling, I just there is either pain, I feel their pain. I empathize with them. I struggle with them. And yeah, so it’s close to my heart. Yes.

32:33
Beautiful. Captain, thank you. I know this is gonna touch so many. I know it’s touched me. Thank you so much. Really,

32:42
thank you, thank you for everything you do, I’m actually looking forward to being able to start from square one again, and go through the materials again. Just let’s just listen to the modules again, because like I said, I’ve been working crazy mad hours, and I just haven’t had time. And I know I want to put more energy into all the materials. And I’m just looking forward to even after the it’s done to be able to just to watch all the modules again, and just really be able to process through them. And maybe just have my wife listen to him too.

33:07
That’s amazing. And that’s actually a really good point, Captain because even though you weren’t able to timewise, which I thought you were a great student, by the way, but but the fact that did a lot through it, even though you are working, you know, crazy hours. And so that’s amazing. To even hear for those that are busy like I would the still Yeah, be helpful for me. So

33:29
that’s awesome. Yeah, I started beating up myself. Like, I went, we went on vacation. And as soon as I got back, man, I hit the ground running just in our personal life and work in it just went crazy. And I was having trouble to even find time to sit down and fill out my accountability form. Like, I was usually so exhausted at the end of the day, that I just didn’t even I was like, I’m not even gonna fill it out. Because there’s no, I’m just going to be doing it because I have to turn it in. You know, not because I want to do it. And then I finally just gave up being upset and freaking out about it and just realized, you know what, I can go through this material again and again and again. Yeah, absolutely. And it all doesn’t have it all doesn’t have to be right now. So yeah, I just love the program. So

34:16
this is amazing. Welcome.

34:17
Thank you to belah

34:26
amazing, Captain, thank you so much for sharing your story. And it’s been an honor to journey with you on this. So I want to give a quick encouragement to you listening because the easy thought for a husband listening is like Okay, great. I am going to purchase Bella’s book delight her husband, and my wife is going to change and that’s going to fix our marriage. So, yes, it’s great. It’s a great book. I don’t I don’t discourage women. reading the book, but the problem is not well, how to add, let me say it this way. I have worked with wives, they have done all the fancy things, all the stuff, right? My book is a Christian wife’s manual to passion confidence in oral sex. I mean, I’ve got the seduction course, I’ve got the delight your husband video course of the what’s keeping you from your godly sexiness course. I’ve got the courses for wives. But listen, I worked with women, and they have done the fanciest of the fanciest, the fiercest of the fiercest, the most exciting of the most exciting. And if a husband does not understand his role, he has many times undermined her courage. And the thing she’s doing that it’s now because the what happens unfortunately, is that it becomes short lived, it becomes a short term thing, that’s not actually going to be a long term transformation in your marriage. And what ultimately happens is it pushes her farther away from wanting to do those things in your marriage, because she’s going to be like, well, he wasn’t satisfied even when I was doing X, Y, and Z. So it is key that you dear husband, get your side of the street all cleaned up, all fixed up. So then when your wife is ready for a resource, like the delight your husband, course or books or any of that stuff, she’s got the solid foundation, which is you, the husband and I think Captain really clarifies that really nicely. That you have to be the man that God wants you to be for your wife to be the woman that you are dreaming of. Awesome, okay, well, that’s a that’s a little coaching for free there. But come on the men’s masterclass to understand what it is the very specific things that you may accidentally be undermining your wife’s confidence, freedom and excitement for intimacy with you. Without knowing it, you think you’re being helpful and unfortunately, unfortunately, it is actually undermining all of the good things. So I look forward to having you there go to delight your marriage.com/ Men’s training and sign up. It may be the very best thing you’ve done for your marriage in years, and possibly decades. And that’s not an overstatement when you talk to some of my clients. So I hope to see you there. God bless you. Love you and thank you so much for listening. Talk to you soon.

37:46
Bye

 

Subscribe On Itunes
Listen On Spotify