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Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi there and welcome. This is Bella. And I want to thank you so much for joining me. If you’re a wife listening, let’s just pretend you and I are on a little coffee date. And we’re sharing and we’re friends. And we’re talking about intimacy. And I’m, you know, a bit further along in that journey. I’ve worked with men from all over the world and heard from many, many men. My podcast is reaching almost a million downloads, and I’m so grateful that men have really shared their story. And week after week, of me hearing them in my team coaching and my one on one coaching, I get to really understand their hearts. And they say I understand them. And and so you and I are having coffee. And we’re talking about what what matters in intimacy, why? Why is it such a big deal to your husband’s heart? And then we kind of start talking about what what are you comfortable doing in sex. Now, before I go too much further, I want to share with you that I specifically have a download for you for free, called seduction tips. So these are some of my, my favorite seduction tips. And they just really outline things in a good way for you. So you can get that for free at delight your marriage.com/tip s and I encourage you to do that before you forget. So the fact that I’m talking about it with you right now, I just encourage you to, you know, to click off of whatever you’re listening to, I’m sure the sound continues and just go to delight your marriage calm slash tip s download that. And then you just have it and you can refer to that anytime. So let’s talk about why seduction matters to your husband. Now when I look at some of the statistics in the background of my podcast, which I didn’t use to do, but I really changed my approach on that because I realized, it’s actually very helpful for me to know and it’s helpful for you to know what matters most to, to my listeners here. So some of the biggest are our highest rated podcasts, for example, one of them is the Okay, so the highest rated podcast ever, is 187 get turned on by him. And I almost guarantee you that most of those were listened to by men because they’re like, oh my gosh, how do I let my wife get more turned on by me. So he’s listening to that. The next one that’s the second most popular is episode 199. The three things he wants in sex, which is just one that I hear over and over again from husbands that this is a huge, hugely important episode for them. And then the third highest rated is Episode 234, oral sex, why he cares so much and why she’s not comfortable. So if you want to go back and listen to those, those are important ones, and obviously important to the men that are listening. And the thing is, I hear from men, maybe probably, I don’t know, eight out of 10 times, in terms of people that reach out to me, I hear so much more from men because they’re really suffering in their marriages around intimacy. And it seems strange to say suffering. Because a lot of times women are saying, You know what, we make love on a consistent basis, he should be happy. Or she’s like, you know, I’m not comfortable. I’m not sure if it’s even okay, I feel insecure. That’s not my personality to be out there and you know, excited about sex. So, so let’s talk about what you’re comfortable with as a wife. So I kind of break it down into a few different categories. So let’s say How comfortable are you in the act zero to 10 like during the act, how comfortable are you with you know, making
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so rounds with certain positions with being enthusiastic and passionate and letting them see your body, all those zero to 10. Where are you with that? So that’s the first category. The next category. And one thing I’ll say is, a lot of times women are higher in that. Because when you get turned on, it’s easier to act and do all those things. Because you’re, you’re just less inhibited. That’s just naturally what happens when you’re turned on. It’s not, you’re not as inhibited. Okay, so what about how comfortable are you with activities in sex? So, yes, you know, specifically intercourse, but what about other things, you know, using your hand using your mouth? Being a little creative in other in other ways, you know, even in other types of sex? So my encouragement is to Yeah, to kind of think about zero to 10, How comfortable are you with other activities around sex? The next thing that specifically is this podcast episode about is seduction? How comfortable are you with seduction? So, zero to 10? How comfortable are you with starting things off initiating in a sexy way, dancing for your husband, doing especially fun things that get him excited and get him thinking about sex and, and whispering, whispering certain things in his ear. And those kinds of things? Where are you in your comfort level zero to 10. Now, a lot of times when I work with wives, they’re pretty good with the actual activity within sex, they’re maybe less comfortable with the activities that I kind of talked about. So. So actually, insects, they’re pretty comfortable. The activities, maybe they’re a little less comfortable. But then the seduction one, it’s like boom, that goes down the rung into zero and one degree zone. And that’s very normal. So just recognize your super normal about that. Now, when I hear from husbands, seduction is a big piece for them. I mean, it is a very important part for them. In fact, they’re like, you know, my husband says, or my wife says, you know, we should make love, or what’s your schedule look like should we put was, should we make love tomorrow afternoon, or let’s go have sex, or, you know, these kinds of things. Like, that’s the extent of her initiating. And that’s great, because she initiates. So I’m very proud of you, if that’s the way you initiate great. So be proud of yourself, because there’s plenty of women who don’t initiate it at all. And men are suffering because it’s like, their wife doesn’t even care. So there’s that aspect. But if you’re a woman who just is really at a spot where there’s not a comfort, there’s not a, it’s just very hard to do that. Then I want to just identify with you and say, I’ve been there, I’ve felt extremely stressed and, and uncomfortable and humiliated and feeling like my body’s not good enough and insecure. And all the things. And even like, you know, he seen sin, so I don’t want to look like send to him, I don’t want to be that object that he sinfully desired in the past, I don’t want to remind him of that sin. There’s lots of things that I used to think. And so that’s actually one reason I’ve got this free training coming up. So when you sign on to get those tips to let your marriage.com/tip S, you’re also going to get access to a free training. So I encourage you to sign up as soon as you can. So you can get access to that training but because I don’t want to be super specific on a podcast where anyone and everyone can listen. And I can give you more meat in a in a training there. But anyway, why does this matter to your husband? Why is seduction so important? Well when you think about what’s important to you as a wife, what what what does matter to you.
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When you think about I feel so filled up when he surprises me with with gifts or an outing or a letter or a special experience that he’s thought through and it was it took time and energy and effort Thought for him to put all those pieces together and surprise you, for example, with whatever it was,
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mean, think about how loved you feel, how satisfied you feel in your marriage, how much you feel like, you’re not taken for granted that who you are is
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important to him. So if that’s the way you feel, think about your husband is a different, different being than you. I mean, in every way, he is so different than you. And if you want him to feel loved, then you have to treat him like he’s different. I hear women assume their husbands are the same as them. So they’re like, I’m just gonna, like candles and make this awesome dinner for him and really go all out. And I’m sure he would appreciate it. Yes. But in terms of priority, like really awesome, free, engaged, passionate woman wanting to make love to him and dance in front of him and do all the amazing things for him. I mean, it’s it’s, like out of 10 That’s 100 Like he just craves that. And how do I know this is true? Well, let’s look at our society. Our society is all about the seduction. sinfully right. But I mean, think about music videos, and magazines. And even, you know, as horrible as it is strip clubs. That’s not act. I mean, there’s nothing but seduction happening in those things. And yet, it is an atrocious part of our society. So it really does matter to the male brain. The seduction aspect, it’s the teasing, it’s the excitement, it’s the way that you look into his eyes and know what he wants, and you don’t give it to him immediately. But you tease him visually and in a in a way that that just drives them wild. He requires a lot from you, but it’s a similar way with all the surprises and the romance that you just wish he would do that he would buy you flowers just because he knows that would make you smile that he would buy you a cute little you know thing on Etsy that that you you know or he knows would be your taste, you know, that stuff breeds absolute, you know, swooning for a wife and, man if you want to go to delight your marriage calm and check out the wild romance course you’ll find out exactly what she’s craving, romantically and and how to do that. But, you know, think about that wives like, if you want your husband, to desire you and please you in the ways that make you feel filled up, then you’ve got to do it for him. You’ve got to recognize he’s not like you. He’s not like you and the bare minimum isn’t going to be satisfying. Just like the bare minimum with romance isn’t going to be satisfying. You’re going to rather your chick flicks and romance novels because he doesn’t think it matters. Or he’s too insecure to do it. Really, women the problem with what’s going on now one of the biggest things that men why they don’t do romance for you is they’re insecure. Just like for women the biggest reason she doesn’t do seduction is she’s insecure there’s plenty of other things there’s plenty of other things like I started listing them out there are the blocks basically to seduction, but that’s one of the biggest insecure about many things about the way her body looks about you know what, what she does what she should do what you know, even sinful, is it is it dirty? Is it wrong? Is it bad? Is it is it going to judge her? Is he going to criticize her? Is he gonna respond to her in a in a negative way? Is it just too scary to put herself out? Why does she have to perform for her husband? Like, there’s so many psychological barriers to it. But my dear wife, I invite you to get yourself out of this self centered mindset. And I’m sorry, I was in your shoes, so I get
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it. But it’s not about you. It’s about loving this being. Well, this person who is very different than you, he was designed differently, his brain is created differently. And every single society, sex is a big deal. And seduction is a big deal. And unfortunately, sexual sin is a big deal everywhere. Which means there are some just basic truths. Men are the ones that are are seeking out this sexual satisfaction. Yes, women get addicted to pornography, too. But it’s not to the immense degree that it is for men. I mean, you just don’t have you know, strip clubs, for women. Not even close to the amount as men you don’t have the pornography addiction, like, like women, like, you don’t have the double standard where men almost always are. It’s okay to have sex all the time. Because you’re a man, you know, there’s just we have to as women open our eyes, like that is showing a truth about men. And yes, your husband is a man. He is a man. Yes, he’s pursuing God. Hopefully, he’s pursuing God. He’s seeking to be righteous and keeping his eyes and thoughts pure. But you have an opportunity to love him as a man. That’s your opportunity. So why does seduction matter? Because it’s his heart. He feels loved through sex. You feel loved in other ways through other ways. But he feels loved through sex. So when you reject this part, which is such an important part of sex, it’s rejecting him. It’s rejecting who he is as a man. But instead, if you’re like, Okay, this is my husband, what do I have to do? I’d like not even what do I have to do but what do I get to do? Alright, just the way you would want him to have as in his opinion, for surprises and gifts and dates and time with you and deep conversations. You want him to have a wonderful attitude and excited attitude, a growth mindset of how he can get better at those things. Not to be insecure, and put the focus on Him. Dear husbands, let me tell you, don’t be insecure, don’t put the the focus on you when you’re trying to give your wife something special. And in the same way wives, don’t be insecure and put the focus on you when you’re trying to give your husband something special in seduction. That’s what seduction is, is giving to your husband a gift. He is so different, designed differently and and go ahead and listen to episode 199 The three things he wants in sex, I have heard so many times from husbands how much that hits the nail on the head and how it should be required listening for wives and I mean, get in the mindset of your husband. I can’t count the amount of times men have said I think like a man. I understand them. And you know as much as you know, I’m super grateful for that. But I just want you to know, like I get to be in the room with men, you know the Zoom Room, if you will, when they are sharing an filtered thoughts about sex, unfiltered thoughts. They trust me it’s fully confidential. I don’t judge them. But I want you to know that’s what I’m bringing to this conversation. This is not I’m not feminist enough. I am feminist. I am a feminist I’m so grateful for what are my four mothers have fought so that I can vote and I can be independent and and all these wonderful gifts they have given. But one thing that is is a half truth is that my sexual drive an interest is equal to my husband’s. That’s not the case. I mean, I should be respected, my sexual
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response to him should be respected and honored in the same way that his his, but I should think about his sex drive and his desires as different and unique. And more, let’s say stronger than mine, his drive is and if you’re listening to this and your higher drive wife, okay, there’s, there’s, there’s other stuff I could talk to you about. But for the vast majority of spouses, the husband has higher drive, he’s much more interested in the visuals and the craving and the teasing and all that and. And if you’re a higher drive wife there, there are aspects to things that there may be dynamics that need to be different in your marriage that would cause him to want you sexually. Maybe there’s controlling issues, that you’re controlling him, you’re mothering him, those are not attractive things that make him want to have sex with you. Or, or maybe it’s lights off sheets up, and he doesn’t get to visually enjoy you. And so and so there’s not a whole lot of interest, or, or maybe it’s duty sex, and he, and he’s like, that’s not it’s not an interesting thing. That’s not a you know, appealing proposition because there’s no passion in it. There’s not true deep connection. So all this to say, My dear wife is that your husband craves? passion, enthusiasm, excitement, and for it to start before the activity starts. For it to start before the activity starts. And so you may be asking, Okay, what’s the how? Well, what this has already become a pretty long podcast episode, let’s go ahead and keep the conversation going. Download that delight your marriage.com/tips. Understand that training that I’ve got coming for you. And husbands, if you’re like, yes, Bella, right on, tell me how to get my wife involved. I have advice for you, too. So go to delight your marriage.com get the tips. Select that your husband, I’m going to be sending you some information on how to get your wife involved in in this process. It is a process it’s not. You know, well, for some people, I guess it is flip the switch but for your wife, but assume it’s a process, assume you’re going to be patient assume you’re going to be strategic, assume you’re not going to email her this podcast and say this is going to fix it all. But it but get wise as a husband, get wise yourself, learn yourself so that you can invite your wife in a way that’s going to be effective, strategic, and actually draw her closer to you rather than push her away and make her feel like she’s not good enough. All right, well, let me let me just pray for you. And we’ll wrap this. So Father, I’m just imagining the wife listening to this Lord. And maybe she’s listening because her husband has just pleaded with her. So many times so many ways for her to have this mindset around seduction. And I just pray for her heart if she’s felt like she’s not good enough as a result, or, or she’s resentful, or angry or bitter or really, all underneath is really hurt and disappointed and pained by this topic in general. Father, I asked for her hearts and I asked that you would encourage her. I pray the now to say you know what, this isn’t personal. This is just a skill. This is just growth in a new way of thinking. And in loving her husband, well, he’s different than her and she can accept that and she can play into that and she can love that about him. I pray for new perspective just coming out of this podcast. Lord, I pray that for the woman that’s excited about seduction, that she wants to learn more that you would just bless that and breathe upon that and help her to understand it in the way that that matters. And that’s going to fill up her husband and and help him to have a more pure and lust free mindset as he walks into the world outside of their home God that that he has so many visuals and images and exciting times with his wife. He doesn’t even need to be distracted by someone else’s Something else that he encounters during the day father, I just asked for your grace on this, and
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that this episode would would go to the women that need it. And I pray for men to not be the ones that listen to this to not be in comparison mode, but in seeking growth in themselves and what they can do, to take responsibility and change their marriage in a wise way, but not in a way that’s full of unforgiveness and, and, and instead decide, You know what I’m going to do what I can do, to shift things and take that responsibility on themselves. To make a difference, to make a difference for their marriage. Lord, we love you. We love what you’re doing in in this marriage and in this person’s heart. In Jesus name, Amen. All right, well, thank you for listening to me and for for engaging in this content. We’d love to have you on the training, delight your marriage.com/tip s for seduction tips, and you’ll get all the information about the training in that email that’ll be coming to your inbox already. God bless you and I look forward to speaking to you next week. Thank you so much.