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Hi there,
Today is extra special because I have on the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Ehemm… my husband. 🙂
If you want to know why I am the way I am (well, regarding the generous things in intimacy), it’s because this gentleman loved me really, really well and continues to every day.
It’s not necessarily intuitive, but it is God’s way.
This conversation will be instructive for wives — who feel insecure and challenged by seduction — and husbands — who want to be pursued with playful and fierceness.
For men – You’ll find out that gentleness and compassion are the keys to her heart as well as specifically what to say to her that makes her want to make you happy intimately.
For women – You’ll hear from a really good man, what seduction means to him and why it’s important.
If you’d like to get a free download of some of my favorite seduction tips, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com/tips and you’ll be signed up for the Free Training on Seductive Confidence coming soon!
Blessings,
Belah
tanscript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy. Learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. All right, welcome, welcome. This is Bella and I am so excited today because I have my wonderful husband D on welcome D.
0:31
Hello, everyone.
0:34
Okay, so before we dive in, this is a topic about seduction and what seduction means to husbands. And so the focus is going to be for wives. But if you’re a husband listening, I think my husband will also give you advice, because that’s how he does he likes to give husbands advice, because we all need advice. And so this is also for you. Before we dive into that, though, if you are a wife listening, I would love for you to get a wonderful PDF download of some seduction tips that I encourage so you can go to delight your marriage calm slash tip s. And I have a very special free training coming up soon. And if you sign on to the delight your marriage.com/tips I will be sending that to you in your inbox. So keep a lookout for that. Alright, let’s go ahead and dive in
1:43
All right, so let’s first talk about what seduction is. So in my view, seduction is several things. One, it’s the undercurrent of a marriage, where they’re seductive experiences and creative ways of reminding the other about intimacy and kind of like teasing sexual teasing throughout the day. And I have a whole podcast called all day seduction, which is much more about that. But it’s just this kind of undercurrent of your marriage. That means when sex is going to happen, it’s not this awkward thing to walk into. It’s something you’ve been kind of touching on here and there most days. So that’s, that’s kind of the old day seduction. And then in terms of seduction right before making love, that would be an especially I guess, seduction in general, I’m saying is instigated by the wife. And we’ll talk about what I mean by that. But basically, the wife being the seducer, if you will, and at some point, I’ll talk more about what it means to be a husband that seducing and how to entice your wife, if you will. But right now we’re talking about the wife being the seducer, and so she’s the one that’s really instigating this all day seduction, she’s the one that you know, shortly before making love, whether it’s something that it gets him excited around making love. So if it’s a seductive dance or a way of taking off or clothing or sharing some intimate visual or exciting conversation that kind of brings things moving in that direction, rather than just a, okay, let’s get this done. Kind of. So it really is making it a full experience for him to enjoy. So that’s what I mean when I’m talking about seduction. And so funny when I describe all of that, do you first of all think that’s important?
3:59
I think I think it is important, but I did not know that for ladies for ladies. Seduction. I thought that’s natural for him to feel that way. Because they feel they look very secure that they don’t have to bottle this by themselves about if they’re looking silly, or what are their husbands will think of them if it’s too much, or What is she thinking? I feel like I did not know that. That’s a lot of effort. A lot of effort. So for you ladies wife that you’re that you’re doing for your husband, I I’m just saying thank you for for you than the hospital because you’re you had to constantly like fight with this mind. that you feel very, like you feel and you look very secure. But your mind is like, do you know do I look silly? I did not know. That’s how. That’s how they felt. And I feel like for my opinion, I feel like for for for men, husbands. I thought that, because I see it looks, it looks confident. So I thought that she already know what I like without me saying anything. So I feel like oh, if she did something for me, I feel like oh, so I don’t have to say, because she obviously she knows what I would like. But I feel like that, that it’s not not true. You should definitely say it to your wife. One thing, for example, that, you know, she’ll say, you know, you know what, honey? What you did? This? I don’t know, this morning or? Yes, yes, this morning. Hopefully it was that day. Now, weeks later. But you know, I’ve really like, what, when you’re walking in the kitchen, and you didn’t have this, or you had this type of clothes, and I really liked it. Mm hmm. You know what I mean? I feel like, or if she says, if she’s doing something seductive to you, and you really like it. One thing I gotta say, never ever criticize a woman. Because she’s doing this for you. And your pleasure. So don’t ever think about criticizes. Like if you say, you know, I didn’t like this way you did? Never ever say that, in my opinion, because that means that whatever, she won’t focus anything positive that she that she did, but she will focus on that negative one part that you said, and that kills everything that she’s wanted to do for you for as a husband for us. So I feel like instead, when you think about the, the wonderful things, that positive things, the things that you like, the things that you love, what should they do or say to you and say, You know what, honey, I really like? What you said to me. I don’t know, launcher, dinner or breakfast? I really like when you say that to me. You know, thank you. I would really like if you do that again, sometime. You know, like those positive things that you should say that I think, you know, because my wife says, I, you know, it really encouraged me to do more for you. And I feel like as husbands who wouldn’t want that for their wives. But I feel like a lot of times, we feel like we had to tell them that the wrong things that they’re doing, instead of the amazing things that they’re doing for you for us. So I feel like you should definitely focus on the good things that that you like it that you love it. She did, she said, you know, just every, like, positive things that you can think of to say it and compliment her for saying that because you know, for your lady that is easy for you. You know, that’s great for
8:43
you know, but for your wife that are fighting with his things to your mind that that is? Is it too much? It’s not you know, she will like it is he will criticize me. Because probably all those things they think about is because happens before that he did not encourage you. He probably say that things that he wanted to do. So basically the things that he did not like it, that’s the first thing that he say I did not like like this, what you did or say and that sticks in your mind. So for you to try to do this things again, you’re afraid to hear those words instead of those encouraging words. But a lot of times I feel like you know, ladies, is he I feel like if he can if he can forgive us, because we still are also learning. Learning how to talk to our wives about to sing those amazing things for our wives that things that they do. We, we we’re we’re selfish. Big Thing. Nah, Nah, bro husbands, because there are some husbands out there, you know, there are doing all those things
10:09
like you.
10:11
You know, I did a podcast and and I feel like all those a lot of compliments for me. And I feel like I’ve been I, there’s a lot of things that that she tells like, Oh, my husband, you know, say or does this things and I feel like I? Well, yes,
10:35
he is humble, he is humble, but I appreciate so much of what you just said, Honey, I think a couple of them just to point out that, or underscore you said that, you know, instead of focusing on the things that, you know, maybe you would like a little differently, and kind of, you know, giving her feedback that she may take as criticism. Just instead really focus on you know, I’m so grateful. I loved when you did this. I loved when you said that. That was incredible. Oh my goodness. Oh, amazing. I mean, the funny thing I want to just add here is I didn’t get like this overnight. So for men that listen. And by God’s grace, there around the world, like this is not a you know, just the United States situation, I think what we got the email the other day, but it’s like, the podcast is number one in sexuality in different countries in Africa, and also in another category. And in health and wellness. It’s number one. And so the point is that all over the world, people are listening to this kind of content, because it doesn’t matter where you’re from. Men and women are different. And as a woman, I understand that men like women in bikinis and on billboards, and you know, in those sexy poses, but I still am super insecure about does my husband really want me to do something seductive? Does he really want me to you know, wear a certain thing in front of him or bend over in a certain way? Or show him some extra? You Lingerie in a certain way? Like, does he really want that from me? Am I sexy to him? And I like literally, gentlemen, if you have listened to my stuff, and you’re like, oh, Bella understands men and Lala, I hear that all the time. But please understand, I am just as insecure. I’m a woman, I don’t I don’t. I have understood through the encouragement of my husband. I mean, you can hear his his heart is so encouraging and all the little things I do, he’ll tell me about it, and it and it makes me want to, to love him better in this way and, and enjoy that process of seducing him. Now, it’s fun, but it didn’t happen because I wanted to naturally be a seductive woman that it wouldn’t matter to me, except that my husband feels loved through that kind of treatment. So with that in mind, great, okay, if he feels loved through sex, then I am just going to give it my all and I’m going to have a really good time doing it. And that means all day seduction, that means playful, this creative that giving him all sorts of different things. But if he didn’t tell me like her, I’ll give an example. It was trying to think that’s not a bad example, is not an explicit examples when I mean, I remember I was I was like getting vitamins in the top cabinet of our, of our kitchen. And, and I would do that every night. And I would wear a certain pajama that normally was like mid calf or something. But apparently when I reached up every night, it would get a little higher up the pajama would go not mid calf, let’s see mid mid thigh is where the pajama would hit me on my leg. And so yeah, but when I reached up, the pajama went a little higher up and my husband I remember, this was like day in and day out every night I would do this and he was like, my favorite time at night is when you reach up for the bits. I get to see your legs like that extra little what, two, three inches of leg that he gets to see. And that was so shocking to me like are you kidding me? My husband notices those little tiny sexual cues of me day in and day out and and as I continue to meditate on that because my husband continually in a really beautiful way. You know, obviously we have such a healthy marriage and he loves me in very many non sexual ways. all the time. So I feel very filled up. So I’m very open to hearing more about, you know, just the different things that he likes during the day that I’m like, Oh, my gosh, the sexual cues are everywhere. So why not play into that?
15:16
Yes, I gotta say one thing that when, when my wife, Bella says that she wasn’t like this before, I, I gotta say, I wasn’t like that before, too. Because instead of complimenting my wife, when there’s people around us, there’s always, this is what I hear a lot of husbands when I, when I hang out with, you know, before this pandemic, it’s, I hear a lot of complaints with our wives. And the, you know, that their complaints, not sexually, but I know whether going, you know, and when they, you know, what, when, when day, or when I used to say, you know, the same thing I was those husbands, I, they hang out and, and just talk about, they don’t talk about or we don’t, or at least the not talk about wonderful things of our wives. Right? One is because something that the they did, we didn’t like it. So we refuse to forgive our wives. Why if someone hurt you really bad? How can you forget a person? How could you, you know, you can’t. So that means that stays with you. And if it stays with you, you cannot do or say kind things to your wife, I feel like that, that plays has to, you have to do something, to to think about it, how to forgive that person. You know, in this case, your wife, because if that whatever happened is that you will start thinking about other things. Right? How to take revenge, right how to take revenge. And even you even if you don’t, if you don’t do it, or by you, you think about our or even if you don’t think about like often, sometimes your mind comes and comes and you get angry. In only here, here it is. Your wife trying to do the best that she can to be a best wife. And the you know, you’re frustrated for with, you know, with your wife, and there is now a lot of wonderful things were come out of your mouth. And when you say those things to your wife, man, those words will stay forever. Even if she forgives you. Even if she forgives you those words will stay will stay there. You know, and I feel that we have to be careful as husbands with our words. And trust me, I am a human being I am a husband. And yet I said certain things that I I hurt my wife’s feelings. And I you know, I feel like I’m the worst husband. How could I say those things to my wife? I’m not saying like, like, really? I don’t know. Like cursing or something though? We don’t we don’t. We don’t say those bad words in our in our home. I think because if if you say those just outside of our home, our home? No, no, it’s okay, go ahead. Yes. But yes, I think that we I feel like because when you I don’t know if you if you notice, but if you’re angry. If you start saying those bad words as curse words. It I feel like it takes over your whole you because all you want it to do and your goal is to hurt that person.
19:30
To her the person really bad not physically. But just what your words. That’s all you want it to settle those negative words and she’ll forgive you and then everything. It’s normal and it’s fine. And I’m telling you that’s that is she’ll forgive you, but you will forget those words. It’s not holding against you. I feel like is is just there were something that you said and cannot go away. Go and won’t go away. I feel like for us as husbands, we got to demonstrate that we are not that person as she met yesterday, or years ago, because I used to be that same husbands before, you know, in, like I say, one sample one time that my wife is doing all this thing’s amazing for me. And then,
20:24
like, sexually or somewhere, something else,
20:26
sexually, and always compliment me. And I remember we have a few years ago, we have friends come over and OD, how are you? And I was at a good, good. And she says, you know, my wife says, you know, I was this this person. And but I changed, right? And she says, right, honey, I, you know, I change? And guess what my response was? Yeah, you were here, you’re okay. Right. And, you know, for example, when I said her my wife’s feelings was that, you know, you’re, you’re a nice lady. This was what I say, You’re a nice lady. And, to me, I, you know, didn’t really pay attention, you know, all those things. But I feel like she’s doing the best that she can to change in all it took for me that I said, you know, you’re a nice lady. What? What happened to me, you know, and she treat me, you know, amazing. She says those wonderful things for me, but sometimes when I don’t, I don’t feel my best. I feel like I’m not a good husband, not a good human being. I am terrible and on to be a father, you know, and she’s like, company like, tells me all those things to lift on my spirit. So say that’s not true. This now you baby this is, you know, look what you did with their kids. You do this, you say this things are kids, you know, your, your wonderful husband, that your wonderful husband, this is what you do. And you say those things for me. And, you know, if, you know, it takes me it takes us a little time to get into that mood, sometimes will take us a few days, I don’t think will take us a few hours, but it will take us some time. But I feel like what what did I say you’re a nice lady. What if you said in front of that lady? Oh, man, you know, my wife. It’s amazing. She does this. She said this things? You know, she always encouraged me, the other person start feeling curious. How can this person, this wife is so lucky to have this men that it talks about? So wonderful things about his wife. And also the only thing to be careful, it’s not to compare to you to the other wife, to say, and I say don’t compare, but you will compare to say, Oh, I wish my husband will be I wish my husband was the same person as your husband probably won’t say it to you, or your husband. But she probably will say to her husband or thought about it. You know, and I feel like we have to be careful. But it we cannot help sometimes to compare to ourselves about how the other person treats or they’re happy or things they say and I feel I get it. You know, I used to compare myself to when we’re not we’re not happy and he said everybody just holding each other just smiling. You know, I feel like just just be gotta be gotta be careful not to compare.
24:08
Yeah, and I appreciate that honey, because it it seems to really relate to your earlier points around what you say. And you know, maybe you’re particularly good with your words and maybe you’re really just not and that just means you have other strengths that are not particularly not specific to communication, which is fine. But the thing here is to recognize it’s your heart. Your heart needs to be grateful for every little thing your wife does. Every inch she goes outside of her comfort zone, because she loves you. The gratefulness that you have in your hearts will seep out, it will seep out she will under stand that you care about it, even if you’re you don’t have all the perfect way of complimenting, even whatever, but you have to discipline your heart to be grateful for her, I mean, you can hear it in my in my husband’s voice like, he is genuinely grateful for all the tiny little things I do sexually. But if I, if he wasn’t, I would not be, I would not be motivated to do more. But because he is I’m like, Oh, this is fun. Okay, let me see if I can do something else that’s extra spicy. You know, let me surprise him in this way. Let me do this. But it’s because the tiny little, the process of me becoming more confident. He was so attentive to every little step, and grateful for every little thing. It wasn’t.
26:05
All right, we are going to come back to that next week. But let me go ahead and pray for you. If you are listening, and your wife, Father, I thank you that she is listening. And I pray, Lord, that You would touch her heart as she listens to my husband’s words this week and next week, help her to know that you love her. She is enough. She’s beautiful. And her husband is designed to love her body and her curves. And she has an opportunity to share that with him. And Father, I pray for the husband, God listening that he deeply, deeply would be grateful for that woman, that he would encourage the tiny little things. And those turn into big things as she feels healed, and confident once again. Lord, I trust that you are going to transform this marriage and help each of them to be faithful in that journey. In Jesus name. Amen. Thank you so much for listening this week. And again next week. I’m excited for you to hear the next portion of the interview with my husband. But I do want to add that if you are a wife, go ahead and sign up to delight your marriage.com/tip s and that’s going to give you some seduction tips and sign you up for a free training about seductive confidence. So I’m really excited about that training and I would love for you to be a part. Alright, God bless you and have a wonderful week. I’ll talk to you next week. Bye