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This is part 2 with my husband where we’re talking about what seduction means to men.
Husbands:
I encourage you to “catch” my husband’s heart. That’s what’s so attractive. That spirit is what encourages me to be generous in the ways my husband desires.
If you want more insight, on how to introduce your wife to my material, I have a special FREE Advice for Men To Invite Their Wives training.
Wives:
If you’re a wife and want to get access to a FREE training called Seductive Confidence Masterclass. I am excited to encourage more women to grow in their God-given right to be free, playful, and loving through intimacy!
Blessings,
Belah
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. All right, welcome. This is Bella, thank you so much for joining me. So I have got our second part of the interview with my husband, and I’m really excited for you to listen, I think it’s gonna continue to encourage you and invite you if you’re a wife, to think about your husband’s heart, and how seduction matters to him, not because he’s evil, or gross, but because God designed them that way. And you can hear from my husband’s just the way he shares, you can hear his gratitude of it all. And at the same time, he is really seeking to encourage the wives who are listening. And for you, husbands, I think you can pick up a lot of insight just by listening to my husband, D or Darrow as we call them. So that is my encouragement. And if you are looking for help with more confidence around seduction, I have a training coming up just for wives. And you can sign up for that it’s a series of trainings for seductive confidence and it’s free. But you do have to sign up as soon as you can delight your marriage.com/tip S, you will get a download and you will get in your inbox, the training. So be sure to sign up as soon as you can see, don’t forget, alrighty, God bless you. Let’s dive in this was not my personality, I was not confident in it. I thought it was sinful and wrong. And it wasn’t until I went out unfortunately, away from God’s will and experienced things to find out that oh, this is how men think this is everywhere. This is the way men are. So then when Dee and I got together and you know, I’m going, pretending that I’m confident in all these things. But he was so grateful. Every little tiny thing, I felt like it was so easy to please him, it was so easy. So then it was became fun. So if you’re a husband, that’s hard to please, your wife is just going to give up, she’s gonna be like, doesn’t matter, he’s never going to be happy, whether it’s with frequency, whether it’s how engaged I am, whether it’s what I do, he’s never going to be happy. And so fix it now fix your heart now that you are happy, you are grateful for this woman, my gosh, that she’s even next to you on the other side of the bed that this breeds her wanting to make you happy. But you have to be grateful that has to come from your heart. And I think you know, my husband was brilliant and saying that the forgiveness has to be there, the gratefulness has to be there. And you’ve got to be really careful with those words, that the words are positive and grateful and gracious. And there was one other thing that you said, and it will come back to me very soon.
3:30
But I will say lucky you but you have you have your wife. And I one thing I will say well another thing or other things is when I get inspire, I gotta admit this, I don’t, I don’t really talk too much. But then I get this moment of comfortable. And my wife is laughing because when I get comfortable man, I just start speaking. I started speaking and that means I got I can’t comfortable. But yes, one thing that I will say is one of the few things how about that. One of the few things I said is do not take your wife for granted. Because I had it before I had it before and I wasn’t I feel like this connect with my wife. I you know like all this negative stuff coming out of your mind in our minds. But thank God I have this friend that is talking to me. And they say when you’re about no when you’re about to go to intimacy with with your wife, or your now want to go to intimacy with your wife, but just do this thing for her do this thing for her to make sure. One is, this is all about her. It’s not about you, you can tell her you can tell her, you know, this is what I’m doing is for you, it’s not for me, or for my pleasure, this is for you. And I feel like we all men know what our wives will love, or want. One is, you know, you make make sure that she feels me no special, you know, that, that she that she feels like you value her. You know, and I feel like when when this was a few days ago, that, you know, I feel like, I have to do something for my wife. And she loves the flavor of vanilla. So I got some vanilla candles, and I light up in the, in the bathroom, and fill it out the tub with warm water. So she can have a nice bath. And I turned to music, like the you know that that soft music. And we’re just talking, he’ll be talking and, and after that I give her a massage. And I, you know, I? I think, you know, like, I’ll say like, you know, let me know if it’s too rough. Or it’s too fast. But and then we should say, Oh, this feels really good. For Okay, let me keep doing this. I you know, and then after that, she told me, Oh, I will remember this forever. You know, you know what I mean? Why why not switch that hurtful things that we said to our wives that she won’t? She She won’t tell you that will remember this forever. But instead, do those things? And then she will tell you oh, I’ll remember this forever. Yeah, you know, it feel wonderful. And I’ll discover a lot of things about me, my wife. And you know, I’m still growing. I’m still learning. But I feel like that’s, that’s priceless. I feel like when when you want it to just be all about her. Mm hmm.
7:44
Amazing. Well, thank you, honey. Yes, it was, it was an amazing experience. I’ll say that. So that’s, that’s a is a really good example of what men can do. And and he also, you know, important, like you said, you know, this is this is just for you. There’s no, there’s no pressure or this is not to make love. This is just so you can enjoy yourself. And it’s an intimate experience. It’s obviously intimacy, but it’s not moving towards anyone’s orgasm. There’s no intercourse involved. There’s no pressure to it. And that’s a that’s a wonderful gift for a wife to receive from her husband. So definitely keep that in mind. And that’s what No, I remember the other thing I was going to say is, in order to not compare, it is the answer to to not comparing your spouse with someone else is gratitude. It is gratitude. It is deciding, Lord, thank you so much for giving me this spouse that I have been given what a gift. And we were actually just doing a virtual conference with Anthony Robbins and one thing he says that I really love so many things about him. But one thing he says is, how can you see this as a gift? So this experience for example, or or the fact that you’ve been given the the husband that you have been given or the wife you have been given how can you see her ability or lack of confidence or whatever it is, how can you see it as a gift. And that’s a choice you get to make. You get to make the decision if you’re going to see your spouse as I wish they were just so different in this, you know this discontentment, you rises up in you and then you’re critical and then you complain and then you’re all these negative things that your spouse doesn’t want to be around. So, of course, you’re not going to get the result you want because they don’t want to be around you. No one likes to feel like they’re not winning. When they’re near you. They want to feel like a winner. That’s what attracts them back to you. So you know all of I just have slip ups. I had a slip up the other day where I criticized my husband. It was painful, it hurt him. And I had to apologize and blame it on the wind. But it wasn’t it was my fault. And I had to take full responsibility.
10:11
Remember?
10:12
He does. Remember? No, but you know, and we can just trust that every what the Bible says that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. And so we have to trust Okay, so we made mistakes. All right? Go to Jesus, repent, ask him for forgiveness, go to your spouse, ask for forgiveness, and then choose to believe that God is going to use that for your good. Look for the gift in it. Try to find where God is teaching you. How is he growing you in this? And so I guess what I want to say, before we close here, I want to pray for the wife listening. And I’d love for my husband to pray for the husband listening actually. But I guess my encouragement, my last encouragement to the wife, you know, even if your husband has not been as appreciative and noticing the tiny steps that you’re making this direction, my encouragement is to be brave. To feel silly, before you feel sexy. Recognize that? Yes, we’re all insecure, I am insecure, there are times that I’ll do something special, extra unique and creative. And then half a second after I’ve done it, or maybe half a minute, so he can enjoy at least whatever, like, so did you like that? What did you think? Because it’s, I’m not I, you know, I go in faith in thinking that those things are going to be awesome for him. And they are, but I still have to. So my encouragement to you is it’s so normal to be scared about this stuff. It’s so normal. But it’s an opportunity, we have to love our husband in in the coolest way ever, like, Isn’t that fantastic? That something so playful and fun and risky and kind of exciting, makes him wildly happy. Like, Gosh, what a great part of life that we get to enjoy. And it’s specifically just the two of us. And it’s, it’s really special. But um, so that’s my encouragement is to step out in faith with recognizing, you know what, this is going to be scary, I’m going to feel silly, but I’m going to do this because I love that man. And I want him to feel loved. So that’s my encouragement to the wife.
12:48
To me, I’ll say, wives out, please forgive us. Husbands. We are in mature, we are learning, we are learning. And we’re trying to figure it out how to do it. And I feel like you know, sometimes we, we wish that oh, she will like that if I say those things, but those words don’t really come out in our mouth. Don’t come out in a mouth. That easy. So, I encourage for you husband to to say the things that you you like what your wife did, whether whether sexually, or what she said to you? Or was she they are, you know, just just things that that you say what you liked. Now, if you’re if both of you are not, you know, in a good spot, I feel like trying to find whether quite a room, something like that. So you can think about it. Or think about something about positive about your, your your spouse. Think about that positive and how grateful you are. So you know, just just, I don’t know just the things that we are learning, we are learning and I am learning you know, my kids, they see me how I treat my wife, the one of my kids says that how he’s wanting to change his wife Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know if you want to hear this story but man that when you hear your son, right, talking about he say how he’s want to treat his wife Oh, he already pick the names of his his kids. Three of them. Three of them. He says put out three of them but Anyway, I don’t want to go because I don’t want to go through that. But I just want to say that wives we are learning, we are learning and, you know, like, my wife, she teaches this husbands about how to how to treat or, or wives, how wife would like to be treated, because we we know how to do it. But we saw recent we can’t don’t want to do it, that there’s the motivation, it’s not there. And I feel like when even you know, sometimes she does this things. Like to be grateful those things that Oh, start crying, I’m like what? You know, you start crying just make me think how, how grateful I am. Bless a young that, for me to have this. These daughter of the God that I praise him? You know, my kids? I feel like like, what? I don’t know, just, I’ll start getting too excited. Yeah. Oh, so thank you. Yes, yes, husbands, there’s what I think just, if you can just encourage, or say something, something that you like, you know about your wife, what she did, whether sexually or what she said to you, or she hugged you when you’re walking, or she just gave you a kiss on the cheek? Or if because if you if you said, you know, I really liked it, when you kiss my cheek, you’re in front of our friends. Yeah, that’s the you know, that’s it, I feel like you have, you know, you can say that, but if you’re saying the other way, and then that won’t help. So that’s what I my encouraged for you to say those things that you you like what she did, and what she said to you.
17:08
And, you know, one thought that just came to mind is that it’s important for husbands to notice that a lot of times, women feel like I can’t do this all day seduction type things with my husband, because if I, you know, flash in my, you know, lingerie somewhere, somehow, he’ll think that oh my gosh, she wants to make love right now. So that’s what we’re gonna do. And that’s, it’s important for that not to be the case in your marriage, because she’s not, she’s not going to be playful and sexy and seductive. If every time she does any inch towards it, you want to have an orgasm, because what that does is it tells her oh, this, this is really all about him. Sex is all about him. And if you can just be grateful for the oh my gosh, how fun is this, this is, this is the sexy part, this is the seduction, the teasing, the that’s fun. So make sure she doesn’t feel pressure that if she does one bit towards that, you’re going to just tackle her and throw her on the bed. Like that’s not that’s not going to make it for her to want to do more of that. And, and you know, what if she has a lower sex drive than you and most of the people I work with, and you know, people in general, the wives do have the lower sex drive than the husband’s. But if she does, like assume that get get to a spot where you will be satiated. Like don’t this is this is a how do I say this? So I would say be careful to not make her feel like he’s never going to be satisfied. So what happens is maybe, maybe a couple haven’t made love for a month, you know, and then they make love and he’s so freaked out to think oh my gosh, sex isn’t going to happen for another month. So he’ll initiate the very next day. And and that, that really scares her. She’s just like, he’s never satisfied. We literally just had sex. But if you decide, You know what, we made love one day, okay, so maybe in four or five days, maybe you initiate or a week, you know, let it be known that you will be satisfied. You’re not going to attack her all the time. But if you give her the space and and the appreciation of what she does do, you’re going to get more of that because she does love you. She wants you to be happy. She wants to be a good wife that makes her husband happy. So my encouragement is to allow allow the Little things to happen. And to not be like a ravenous wolf where there’s a little, a little thing and you jump at it and like, just just enjoy that she did some playful little thing and be grateful for it and share how much it meant to you and but it’s not necessarily going to lead to more. It you know, she’s not necessarily asking you to make love just because she did something sexual so so keep that in mind like you want sexual things in your marriage, you want it to be a just a seductive culture. So don’t kind of mess it up by by assuming every time she does anything that that’s because that’s going to put pressure on her and it’s ultimately going to make her not want to do seductive things to you. Does that make sense?
20:50
Yes, yes.
20:53
Okay, well, let’s go ahead and pray for the wife, and you’ll pray for the husband. Okay. So Father, I pray for the wife that has gone out of her comfort zone and done things. And maybe she’s processing all of this because it feels scary, or out of her comfort zone, or just not her personality, or she was raised in a way that that this feels sinful and wrong. And so Lord, I just ask God, that you would make it clear to her? What is truth? Father, what what is holy and good? How did you design her husband to think and receive love? And in what is her opportunity in that? How can she love him in a playful good way? By by being seductive, and and how does she grow in confidence in that give her the grace to step even just a little outside of her comfort zone? Day by day, and it’ll get a little bit more in a little bit more. So I asked for your help in that and just be with her in Jesus name. Amen.
21:59
Father, pray for those husbands, that the week we could just realize how hurtful we were with were our wives and our prey that we we which is now switcher, our lives are the weight of our thoughts, to be encouraging human beings, tours, your daughters, their wives, I pray that that will be more kind, respectful, and to honor our wives, our families, our kids. And I pray that you bless those husbands, that they’re just doing the best that they can to be the best husbands got to pray that you continue encourage them that they they find encouraging things, places that they can feel they they can do this. Gather they this is this is not just to do today, tomorrow, next week, God this is for life, that we’re not, we’re not here to be served. We are here to serve others. God help us to see that and to experience that. I pray that you bless and keep all the families safe. And to bless every single human being on this earth. In Jesus mighty name. Amen.
23:38
Amen. Thank you, babe. All right. Well, I am so grateful that you joined us, I hope that there has been some nuggets of gold in here, I feel like there has been quite a lot. So thank you vape that will help you in your marriage and your intimacy. And if you are a wife, I’d love for you to sign up for the seduction tips. Because what that’ll do is also add you to an email list. And you’re going to get a really cool training about seductive confidence. And I think it’s going to be really good. So be sure to sign up for that to make sure that comes right into your inbox. And in the future. If you’re watching this in the future, also sign up because then you’ll have access to some other resources that I think will be really helpful for you in seduction. All right. Thank you so much for joining me. God bless you and I look forward to talking to you next week. Bye.
24:43
Awesome, thank you Darrow. I so appreciate him sharing and I appreciate you listening in. I hope this has been an encouragement to you and encourages you to go one step further outside of your comfort zone. I don’t, I’m not asking you to change who you are, or be wildly different, just a tweak just just one step. In addition, and I would love for you to join me on my seductive confidence training, because a lot of it is really just an earthing, what is under there, what’s holding you back? And it’s completely Christ centered. And I even talk about some of the major lies that the enemy tells women that keep them in this place of not moving forward in confidence in seduction. So I look forward to having you there. And yeah, go ahead and do it before before you forget to let your marriage.com/tip s and if you’re a husband, actually I have a I have advice for you. So if you want your wife involved in this training, I have got a free short video training for you to find out how to invite your wife so just go to delight your marriage comm slash advice and you will get immediately access to that free video training is very short, but it will help you to know how and if and when to share the material with your wife. So that’s really hot off the presses. I just finished that today actually and I think it’s going to really help some some couples out there already. God bless you. I look forward to speaking with you soon. Take care