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My conversation today is with a wife who had a persistent husband.
After he worked with me, he highly encouraged her to work with me and at first, she wasn’t happy about it.
But through the process of understanding who her husband is… different than who she is, she discovered that God may be asking of her something that she didn’t expect.
For wives: if you feel “pushed,” (assuming there’s not abuse and your husband is a good man) Diana’s encouragement is to come at it with an open mind. “What do you have to lose? …Your marriage”
I believe this conversation is one you won’t want to miss!
For wives… Right now I have FREE training series for wives: Seductive Confidence, you can get it at delightyourmarriage.com/sc
(Be sure to sign up right now so you can have access to the training!)
For husbands: here’s some free advice if you’d like to invite your wife to listen to my trainings: delightyourmarriage.com/advice
transcipt
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage.
0:23
All right, welcome. I’m so grateful that you’re joining this is Bella. And I’m so excited to be sharing my interview with Diana today. Now, when she started out her journey with the delight your marriage program, she actually was very resistant because of her husband’s enthusiasm that she do this work. And what shifted for her is what I want you to hear. If you’re a wife, I hope that you’ll listen with an open heart. Just to hear her perspective, which is very valid, she had very valid reasons to feel the way that she did about sex and about his encouragement for her to focus on it. And if you’re a husband, I hope that you will also recognize that the man went first he did the work first. And she was fine following in his footsteps. I mean, it is because he made big changes in himself before she ever did. So if you’re a husband, and you want advice on how to invite your wife to work with me or be in my programs, or whatever, I’d encourage you to go to delight your marriage.com/advice. And that will give you a short video training on what you can do to move things forward for you all. And then if you are a wife listening, I actually have a just phenomenal training called seductive confidence. It’s free, but I’m not sure how long it’s going to be available. So if you’re listening to this right now, I encourage you to sign up immediately. If you’re listening to this, to this in the future, I’m not sure if it’ll be available. But I do encourage you to go to the link. And maybe there’ll be something else available for you if this particular training isn’t isn’t available. But it is awesome. Ladies, I’ve heard so much amazing feedback already. And it’s just really cool what God’s doing just through through training about how to get away from the feeling embarrassed and feeling ashamed. And even if it’s godly about seduction, and being enthusiastic and lovemaking this is this is the training for you. And like I said, it’s free for now. So go as soon as you can to delight your marriage.com/s C. Alright, let’s dive in. All right, welcome, Diana, thank you for being here. Thank you. Thank you, too. Yes. So I would love to maybe start out with what your experience was of your husband working with me? And did you like it? What did you think about changes that he made?
3:06
Yes, to be completely honest, at the beginning, I was not really happy about that I felt frustrated, because I would have wished that he involved me more in, in, in the approach. And as I didn’t know you, I didn’t know your approach. And I mean, in our country, I know a lot of approaches in coaching. And then I know yes, it’s it’s what I like things. And here I really had to let go. And so at the beginning, I first felt more frustrated, because it took money, it took time of our family time. And I thought yes, what will come out, but then I realized that there are changes. And yes, you know, one of my love languages is really services, chores. Like if my husband helps him chores, I I really feel we are a team. And so when I saw that he started to have more hours. First I thought What does he wants to get with that? Is it really serious change or not? I was doubting. So. Bits. Yes. Does he want other things for me in sexual intimacy, because I knew that he will also work on that. But then I realized now it’s more it starts to be more consistent. And the when I realized the most what what how he had worked with you is when I started to work with you, that was really the best because then I saw okay, you’re loving attitude. We have the same values, faith based values. So it gives me security. And I also see how you challenged me in a positive way. You also accompanied me when I felt suddenly a lot of pressure. I put a lot of pressure on myself I could express it you You understood, and then we could move forward. It was okay to cry to say I don’t understand and to move further. So that’s the really the point when where I understood better how he’d had worked with you how you had worked with him not in detail, but I understood your approach and your vision for a happier couple and more healthy couple.
5:27
What a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. And what why did you decide to work with me?
5:36
Yes. Firstly, it’s because my husband highly recommended to rugby. So it was not my really my own initiative. But then I, I remembered, I felt that in our vows for our wedding, we had committed to each other to be open to work on our couple, and we had told each other that every year, we will do something for our couple, because we had realized we are not better than others. My parents are still married, my husband’s. Parents are not married anymore. And we wanted to make sure to look for it. And so I had to let go, my security, I felt insecure to work with you, because I didn’t know anything. And there was also another country, everything. But I felt I have to do this step of faith. And also just also just trust my husband, that he thinks it’s good for us. So the first really first beginning was a step of faith. And then as soon as I had started with you, then I, I, I thought that I guess I can learn a lot. It’s like a new country, I like to learn you, you learn a lot of things, I discover a lot of things in the air, of course, and I decided I thought it’s time it’s money. It’s so I want to do the best out of it. And I really appreciate it also to know you to see all the experience you have. I felt in talking with you in that subject of one part communication, but also sexual intimacy, also respecting my values. And then I also liked all the material you have online, in an innovative way that’s important for me, also, but also psychologically, based, that I can also think I can understand that approach. And also, yes, also person personal. So this package, I would say, was really convincing to me and and I thought yes, it will help me to work on a change. And not only on a short term, one to change. But on the long term change, which was my objective. Oh, I’m still learning. I’m still working on it. I of course.
8:09
Amazing, amazing. And then what were some helpful things that you learned from the program?
8:17
I learned that yes, of course, I had heard a lot of times that it’s important to respect your husband. But maybe I learned it more concrete. You get went deeper in it. And I felt Wow. But it’s really important that. So I discovered it also more with examples, and respect, also how it can be in communication, but also more in sexual intimacy. And I also learned, so I learned things about how my husband Yes, sees himself how it is important that I see him. And also yes, some things on communications, but also how to be more responsible for our sexual intimacy. And that it gives me worth it gives me I’m creative, but I didn’t think that I can be creative in sexual intimacy. I I didn’t Yes, really realize and wanted and, and have ideas and i Yes, I didn’t talk a lot about that. Only marriage preparation course. But yes. It was a little bit about that about so I also discovered that all the plays the space I have, and also the responsibility I have to take.
9:41
Yeah. Amazing. Yes. I love that. I love that and, and so what would you say are some of the benefits that you found? Since doing the program?
9:54
I found as a benefit really good that we both could work with you? Because I really see it Like the couple, but also families up as a system. And if he had only worked with you, it would have not give the same balance, and I wouldn’t have understood him as well. And so I think it really brought more changes when I started to work with you. And then there was this dynamic where my husband was already open to, to your approach to Yes, he had encouraged me to do the course. So he was also open to changes. And yes, practically, I really observe that he helps much more for the chores, it for me, it’s really related to my heart, I, yes, I like to take responsibilities in my life. But I also need to feel a team that somebody next to me takes responsibility. So that sounds maybe like a simple thing that you have so many chores every day, that it really changes positively, constantly, consistently, more and more consistently, I would say, our daily life, which is important, because it, it takes away a lot of conflict potential. So still, if I’m stressed, I will tell him how you should have now but it’s much better, because I feel he’s much more proud of it. And the other part that my husband is satisfied with our sexual intimacy is really important to me, because he could have done to another woman. But I’m really happy, he went to you to work on our couple. And it shows me how much he values me, he values our couple, he takes it seriously. And he had also the courage to express his needs. Even if I felt very hurt at the beginning, that he’s a bit disappointed in this area. It was not a complete catastrophe. We didn’t think of divorce. But he thought we can do more of it out of it. But still, I felt hurt at the beginning. But now to know that no, we have found a way where there is place for him to be satisfied. And me also to feel more satisfied. And so. So that’s a big benefit. Because then he Yes, maybe that’s also like the choice for me, he thinks I’m more proud of the team. And I am more proud of the team because I I realize much more what I can do. And I also initiate more these sexual intimacy, so I feel more valued. Because if he tells me then I think I have to and that was a big change to me, also to respect my personality. It shows me that it shows me also that he trusts me enough that there will be a way and yes, we are still training it. But I realized that there are positive changes on them. Not only in the short term, but on the longer term. That’s awesome. Oh, praise God. That’s
13:00
amazing. That’s amazing. And Diana, how did you feel about the graduate groups?
13:08
I liked a lot about the graduate group that I realized, yes, we all have challenges. I knew it already. And I have shared in a lot of groups, but I didn’t share about what was new about really about only about my my marriage or couple. And so that was I felt how precious to be able to talk about the most relationship after gada for in my life. Because if I work on this relationship, I mean, the atmosphere changes for art for us first and for our child, yes, it changes the atmosphere and for people who come to our house. But it changed also that I realized, yes, we all have husbands with their their strengths and their weaknesses, but I also have them and then what I liked is the solution oriented atmosphere. It was not like, you know, oh, no, your husband poor, you know that all because I wouldn’t have like that. It was constructive. Thinking Like, yes. Okay. What do you like about your husband? What How could you do that he feels more satisfied in communication, sexual intimacy, what can you do? And it was inspiring to hear the idea of each other, also to just have the courage to be vulnerable, to show myself vulnerable in this area. And it’s also held that there were women from different maybe countries, I don’t know, but places which I don’t know normally. So it helps that it was not just my next door neighbors, my cousins or church members or colleagues. Yes, it helped. It was a health The privacy for me, too, for this area, and a lot of respect, not judging, but loving, supporting. And that was a very, yes, it really touched me and encouraged me. And it’s also in it also challenged me, because I had to be accountable. Yes, I had to, I wanted to be able to tell every time I had done a small new step. So it challenged me, but it was it was good for the next step in order to implement these changes in a long term for the long term, not just as yes to impress my husband or like, for a short time.
15:43
Awesome. Wonderful, wonderful. I’m so assuming that the husband in an example here, so assuming that the husband is a good man, but the wife feels like he’s kind of pushing her towards doing my program, what advice would you give to her? Yes,
16:04
it’s happened to me. So I completely understand you. I would say, when have you been pushy, the last time I’ve been quite often. So I maybe I have to be gracious to my husbands. And like I said before, I’m so happy, he went to a coach, a marriage coach, and not to another woman or something, I really appreciate that. So it also shows his heart. And I would also say it’s better to have a good man. And he’s one time pushy than the other way around. And I also think I’m good for if I do my best, sometimes I’m not on the best one. But I try my best, but sometimes I can be pushy. And so I would say leave your pride on your site, I had just to also to let down my pride and my my fears. It’s a try it. Let’s be a courageous woman. And, yes, like I felt my husband has been a courageous man to try something new. He looked for a new coaching. He went on it, he continued if even if I was negative, and what do you have to lose your marriage, but you can win everything, you can win a better marriage, and I really wish I’m gonna live a long time. So if I’m gonna be hundreds, it’s a long time, you’re not really happy, it would be sad that we don’t understand each other’s needs. So I would really say, try it, nothing to lose. And also, if you get to know Bella, then it’s a loving perspective. It’s not judging. And it’s faith based. So also values which are good, we know they are good for our lives. And it’s also it gives new ideas of creativity. So if you have the financial resources, the time that it would be really a chance you would you would miss. And I also want to say 2030 years ago, my mom told me she would have liked to have these resources, and we didn’t have them. So if we have them, let’s take the chance. And I also think we have the responsibility to take them. If we want to be courageous women. That’s what I think.
18:22
Amazing. Okay, well, any any final encouragement that you’d like to give at all just kind of wrapping up here?
18:33
I would say, you know, if you go if you do coaching, then then you are a strong woman, then you are courageous woman. That’s what I think I have worked on a lot of coaching before. But this time, it was still challenging something new. But I think if we have the courage to say yes, okay, maybe I could do it differently. I thought I did the best I could. Of course, we always do the best we can with the resources we have, with the life situation and season we have. But sometimes, we need artists to help us we need God, but God can use other people who are specialized. And so I would say, I would say as an encouragement, it’s so worth to do this very small step of faith. But who may be seems to be huge, but it will bring so much changes. And at least it changes the atmosphere. And I think what will my husband remember of me not that I was perfect, because I was not at all. But maybe that I was moving on and I remember of him that he’s open to changes. And that’s why I read what I remember from my parents that you were open to change. And I want also my, my, our child to remember that yes, we were not perfect at all. But we were on our way. We’ve got we learn new things. And we, we had the courage and the yes, just to say we, we need help sometimes and it’s fine. And I find that inspiring. So yes, I would just encourage you to, to try and, and, and to enjoy the journey with a lot of joy. Because we also laughed with you Bella in the brag group, because I like to cry but also to life. It’s important in life and in things like that. So enjoy the journey. It’s such a privilege. Yes. And enjoy the benefits.
20:38
Oh, I love it. Diana, I do want to ask you, and I did forget to ask you ahead of time. So if, you know, don’t no pressure, but if there was a woman who is listening, who was in a very similar spot that you were in where maybe she feels heard that her husband is consistently asking or asked for this coaching or that sort of thing? Would you be willing to pray for her while we’re
21:04
on this call? Yes, yes. That would be because I think it’s a chain of blessings. Yes. Okay. So Jesus, I pray for you, this woman who has a husband, who was maybe not very appropriate in his communication to invite you for this course, I pray that you are touched by yes by Jesus, that you realize how much he loves you. And that he wants to, to touch you, to encourage you to strengthen you also to heal you in areas maybe that where you are hurt in your marriage, or given in other areas through this coaching, I pray that you have this courage to take the form, right this this email, and start working with Bella. And that you say, You are precious enough, you are so precious you, you women, God sees you, you are so precious, that you are worth to work on you earn on your marriage, and that you also can believe again that more is possible with God more as possible for your marriage for your life, as a woman. And as I pray also, that the oldest gun and something new starts, that the the hope of something new, that is possible is bigger than the fear than the fear or the insecurity and that you will come out of this call stronger, more courageous, and just more satisfied in your husband too. And that your marriage will be enriched and you will feel it in the atmosphere you and then the people around you, and that it will also strengthen your trust towards God. Yes, I pray that in Jesus name, amen.
22:59
Amen. Thank you so much, Diana. Amazing, thank you,
23:04
thank you to you because you, you work a lot, you worked a lot to build this coaching and to accompany me others in all the steps and I really see that you think of it in a global picture strategically. And that yes, in a professional way, and loving perspective. So thank you very much. And also faith full of faith that was a very important to me. Thank you
23:43
amazing. Thank you so much, Diana. Well, I want to encourage you if you you know your your curiosity is piqued this seduction confidence training is exactly. I mean, it’s golden. So I want you to go as soon as you can recognize that this is worth your time. This is worth your effort. Just like Diana talked about. You know if your husband has asked you to listen to this or anything else. You know when was the last time you’ve been pushy. I love her insight in that because I certainly have have tried to push my husband into something that I wanted him to do. And maybe there’s something more to this than you may have thought. Alright, God bless you. I look forward to having you on the inside go to delight your marriage.com/sc as soon as you can. So you don’t forget. God bless you and we will talk soon