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If you want your marriage to change… this is required.
Faith.
Faith that it will change.
But how do you even get there? How does it relate to your life?
I have some extremely practical ways for you to have a renewed sense of faith that things can change. Keep in mind, if you don’t have faith things will change—undoubtedly they never will.
It is so easy to compare our lives and our circumstances to those around us. Add on plenty of cultural norms that make negativity almost an expectation.
That becomes the breeding ground for anxiety, worry, depression, and angst to grow.
But God has called us to live a life full of joy and abundance even in our marriage and intimacy.
Join me as we discover the deeper meaning of faith, what having a disciplined mindset means, and how to visualize positivity for our lives in the middle of a hard season.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you’d like to join the FREE training for women all about confidence in intimacy — which will be available for a limited time — go to delightyourmarriage.com/sc
If you’d like to be included in the FREE Men’s Masterclass: Passionize Your Marital Intimacy—even if you’re the only one who works: delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining
This is very interactive, so you don’t want to miss it!
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy. Learn not only the practicals but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. All right, welcome. So grateful you’re here today we are talking about faith. And I think this is a vital topic because nothing happens without faith. Well, we’ll dive into that more. But before we do, I’ve got two awesome free things to tell you about number one is for men, it’s the men’s masterclass patronize your marital intimacy. I’ve been talking about the men’s masterclass for a little while here. And it’s, um, it’s coming up. So at the end of this month, so definitely just sign up before you forget, go to delight your marriage.com/ Men’s training, get yourself signed up, and, and stay tuned for details that’s totally free, and a resource for you. And I hope you’ll really engage in that. And then for women, there’s a free training, all about confidence and intimacy. Now I have opened this training before, and women have really been blessed by it and share that with me. So I think it’s some of my best content for women, especially for free and go to delight your marriage.com/sc. And you will get that free training as well. Alright, let’s go ahead and dive in to the material about faith that you truly do have to have faith in order for things to change anywhere in your life, and particularly in your marriage.
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All right, so diving in here, I think I’d like to start off with a bit of a critique of cultural norms, even in the church. It’s almost like we glorify negative feelings and negative, whether it’s beliefs or doubt, anxiety, worry, almost like it’s a given that we have that and, and, and that if we don’t voice it, we’re not being real. I don’t think that’s the way God wants us to live. I don’t think that’s the way God wants us to live. It’s so clearly in the Bible, how how, how important it is to have faith. Like even prompts, you know, small group prompts, for example, is like highs and lows of the week. And it’s like, well, why why are we pinpointing the lows, you’ve literally got to think through your week and say, Oh, this was a bad thing. Rather than, you know, certainly, there are challenges that we need help on and, and that’s important, if we’re in this space, where we’re gonna get advice, and we’re gonna be able to grow and, and sometimes we do need friends to help us, you know, carry our burdens or our spouse, those all those all are legitimate, but I think we need to be thinking about just on an everyday level, we’re not supposed to be meditating on our fears, there are the negative challenges. Unless we’re really, I think, able to do something about it. Like if that negative thing is motivating you to action, like let’s say you, there’s a cause in the world that you have a lot of empathy for and passion for. If you are ruminating on that negative situation, but you’re not doing anything about it. I don’t think that’s God’s best. I think what you can do is you can say, Okay, I hate that this issue is going on, let me give to an organization that’s helping fix it, that’s helping solve it, rather than just ruminate. And it’s actually negatively impacting your life. You’re not doing something actively to help it. So yeah, that’s the first thing is be aware of the way you speak. Are you when somebody says how are you and you’re like, Ah, I’m okay. Or ah, you know, it’s almost like the expectation when somebody says, How are you is a living the dream like this? Like this just assumption of negativity, and that’s, and that’s a way of connecting to someone is on on a negative level and don’t think that’s the way God wants us to live. You know, Paul says, Rejoice in the Lord always again, I say rejoice. I was opening my Bible the other day. And just looking through Matthew eight. It talks about so often, I mean, faith, faith, faith, faith. I mean, it seems like every, every couple of verses about is about that. And, and it really requires an alignment with our words, and alignment with our thoughts, you know, because what comes out of our mouth is what we’ve been thinking. Right? And certainly, there’s, I guess, exceptions to that rule. Sometimes I’ve said things that I’m like, where did that come from? That was weird and not true, and not really how I feel. So that does happen. But you know, if we are meditating and focusing on the good on the things that we can be grateful for, and we can have faith about, then that’s going to be what comes out of our mouth. So when you think about your marriage, when you are feeling like, okay, things have been this way for years, not not just months, not just weeks, but years, and decades. And that’s a lot of the people I work with are decades, this this is not a short term, situation, they have been enduring the difficulty for a very long time. But you know what, that is not the end of the story. If we have breath in our lungs, there is possibility for change. That’s what we are as followers of Jesus, we are not the same. We are different transformation should be happening in our lives and in our hearts and in our relationships.
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So if you are feeling, you know, despairing over your marriage, well, there’s a couple things that are probably happening. One, this may sound strange, but Anthony Robbins. I like a lot of things he has to say. But one thing he talks about is your physiology, which is the way your body moves like your your physical body. And so he talks about if somebody is depressed, what do they usually look like? Well, they’ve got their shoulders slumped over. Are they talking loud or soft? Well, okay, soft. Are they talking fast or slow, probably slow. They, their faces is downcast. But if you are full of excitement, and anticipation, and positive and faith, what do you have, you’ve got your shoulders back, you’ve got your breathing deeply, you’ve got a smile on your face, you’re, you’re speaking with enthusiasm and passion. And so what Anthony even talks about is, is get your physiology straight before you even feel it. Like decide that your physiology is going to be in the right zone before you feel it. And I think that’s really true. Even you right now listening, get your physiology together, get your shoulders back, get your chin up, get your your face smiling, get your, your breath deep, deep, strong breaths, as I’m talking, just breathe deeply, you will see your mood is changing. Now, this is not something that I have mastered. But it is something that I strive to work on. And some days, it’s much easier than others and some days, it’s it’s just really hard. And it’s really about what I allow my mind to focus on. What I allow my mind to focus on because what I focus on gross, what I focus on, produces feelings. And so when you’re focusing on the good, that is actually going to impact the way you feel. And I’ve got to say, a smiley, good positive person in your marriage is way more attractive to your spouse, and you treat your spouse differently. When you are feeling good. When you’re in a positive state. Your mood is positive, you’re going to treat your spouse much differently than when you’re despairing and downcast and depressed and sad and worried and anxious. All of those things are irritable. All of these things different are different when you have a positive state. So faith in Hebrews 11 It talks about it is literally impossible to please God without faith. It’s impossible to please God without faith. So what does Is faith mean? Well, when I look at and again, I just flipped through Matthew eight and nine, but it’s all over the Gospels, Jesus talks about faith all the time. So in in Matthew eight, when, when the disciples are in a boat and Jesus was with them, Jesus went to sleep on a cushion, he’s relaxing, a storm comes up, and the disciples wake him up and are like, Lord, don’t you care that we’re perishing? That’s kind of what their mindset is, is like, help us once where, you know, they’re scared, they’re afraid they’re. But they’re calling out to him in in in fear. And Jesus says, Why are you afraid? Oh, you have little faith. And what that says to me is not that they called out to Jesus and they woke them up. I don’t, I don’t think he cares. I think he was happy because he he calmed the storm. As a result. He did the miracle. But what if they, they confidently reached out to him? What if they, they woke him up and said, I’m sorry, Lord, to disturb you. But I’d really love for you to fix the storm. I’d love for you to do this. I know you can do this for us. What if it was a completely different way of praying? of Lord, I know that you have got my marriage, I know that this is in your hands. And I believe that you’re going to do more for me and my wife, and my kids are me and my husband and my kids, you are going to heal this marriage. Lord, I asked you to do it now. I thank you for this healing. I thank you for your transformation power in my life and in our marriage. That’s a very different prayer than when a fear and begging and disbelief.
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And remember, it’s impossible to please God without faith. Okay, then in. Actually, it was earlier in that trap chapter where there’s a gentleman who comes to Jesus and says, you know, Will you will you heal my servant, and Jesus gets up and he’s like, Okay, I’ll come from to you. And he says, No, I’m not even worthy of you to come in under my roof. But I know, you know, if you heal him, if you just say the word he’ll, he’ll be healed. And Jesus says, Truly, I tell you, with no one in Israel have I found such faith and this guy was actually not Jewish. It’s a great story. If you read it in Matthew eight. This is a fantastic understanding of, once again, he came to Jesus with faith, that things were going to change. And that was when God said, Jesus said, Go, let it be done for you, as you have believed. Go let it be done for you, as you have believed, see, belief had to happen first. Faith had to happen before the miracle came. Okay, and then another one in Matthew nine, verse two, it talked about
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there was a pair, paralytic, lying on bed, on a bed and when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, Take hurt my son, your sins are forgiven. And that’s when you know the behold some of the scribes and said to themselves, this man is blaspheming. But Jesus, knowing their thoughts said, Why do you think evil in your hearts for witches easier to say Your sins are forgiven, or to say, rise and walk, but that you may know that the Son of Man has the authority on earth to forgive sins, then he then said to apparently lytic, rise, pick up your bed and go home, and he rose and went home. And when the crowd saw it, they were afraid and they glorified God, who had given such authority to men. So again, it was because of their faith that that happened. Then in verse 18, talks about while he Okay, so skipping down, while he was saying these things to them, Behold, a ruler came in, and now before Jesus saying, My daughter has just died, but come and lay your hand on her, and she will live. And Jesus rose and followed him with his disciples and behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for 12 years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, if only if I only touch his garment, I will be made. Well, that’s something to be important here. She said it to herself. She decided, You know what? I have, I have been suffering for 12 years. But I said to myself, if I only touches government, I will be made well. And Jesus turned in seeing her, he said, Take heart, Daughter, your faith has made you well. And instantly the woman was made well. So keep that in mind. She said it to herself. She disciplined her own heart to say God is going to heal me. And then Jesus said, Your faith has made you well. And then, I think probably the, the final one, I’ll say is and when Jesus came to the rulers house, right, remember, he was going to help the ruler with his daughter. And that’s what happened on the way. And he saw the flute players in the crowd making commotion, and he said, Go away for the girl is not dead, but sleeping, and they laughed at him. But when the crowd had been put aside, put outside, he went in, and took her by the hand and the girl arose. And the report of this went through all of that district. So all right, one more. And as Jesus passed on from there, two blind men followed him crying out loud, have mercy on a son of David. Now, keep in mind, these guys were blind. Think of it? How long were they suffering? What what indication did they have that it would change, except that it was Jesus, except that it was the the most powerful one in the whole universe. They had faith. They didn’t have any outward indication that things would change. Think about that with your marriage. Maybe there’s not an outward indication, but you had faith. And then, when he entered the house, the blind men came to him. And Jesus said to them, Do you believe that I’m able to do this? They said to him, Yes, Lord, then he touched their eyes, saying, according to your faith, be it done to you. And their eyes were opened. And Jesus sternly warned them, see that no one knows about this. But they went away and spread his fame through all that district. So keep that central, that he asked them, Do you believe that I’m able to do this? And they said, Yes, Lord, then he touched their eyes, according to your faith, be it done to you. I just think that as Christians, we are not focused on faith enough. That is what Jesus repeatedly spoke about
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over and over again, is your faith. So this may sound strange, but what is faith practically speaking? Well, one thing we see from the scriptures very, obviously, are words, words must be aligned with your faith. You can’t can’t be saying all these negative things about well, you know, the, the woman with the discharge of blood, she can’t just say, Well, I’m suffering, I’m suffering, I’m suffering, like all this negative stuff, and then expect her to actually have faith by the time Jesus comes, comes by, no, this woman must have had strong faith before she ever got to the place where Jesus was passing by. I think about that for the blind men too. I mean, my goodness, that was a discipline of faith before it ever came to fruition. I don’t think they had been sitting on the side, just just negative, negative, negative and then like, oh, Jesus walked by. And then every, I just don’t think that I think they had to have a discipline of mind for a long time. Maybe before it ever happened, okay, they got their healing, they got their miracle. So you have an opportunity to have a discipline heart, and a disciplined mind for faith. So get your words in line. Right, we talked about physiology. Now get your words in line. The other thing is your visualizations. So when we talked, I mentioned worry and anxiety as as though it were a good thing. In our culture, we say, Oh, I’m just concerned about a little of the law. And you know what? That is visualizing the negative. What if you visualize the positive? What if you said, You know what, I have a vision for our marriage of healing and health and fidelity and and love and desire and generosity and intimacy and passion and love between us and pursuing God’s Will together and faith. What if that was your visualization? What if That’s what you’ve meditated on, rather than the fear. So, as you are disciplining your mind for faith, I encourage you to seek the person of Jesus in the midst, while you’re applying your faith, SEEK JESUS. Again, what you meditate on what you focus on is going to grow. It grows your feelings. And the beautiful thing is you have this incredible book, you have incredible scripture, to encourage you, and cause you to feel the faith. I encourage you, Matthew, I’m just in love with Matthew recently. And the scripture just just hearing Jesus.
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story by story of who is this man? Who is this man, Jesus? What can I learn from him? How can I be blessed through his words, and I feel
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a I feel a sensation of goodness after reading scripture. So I encourage you, if you’re struggling, and having faith for miracles in your marriage, get into the Scripture. Or spend time with the God of miracles. Yes, it may take time. And that’s okay. That is okay. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on the visualizations. Don’t give up on your words of faith, don’t give up on your disciplines. One thing I want to say is when you think about your life, think about the good. Even the gentlemen that were blind, even the paralytic, even the woman that had the discharge of blood, think about the good that you do have in your life, don’t let yourself fall into despair. I love the the parable, it’s probably my favorite parable of the talents. And because what I think it is, is a lot of times we go we fall into despair, because we start comparing ourselves to others. And comparison is a is a an utter robber. It steals joy and contentment. And it is just so far away from God’s best. So far away from God’s best. So when you compare, I mean, a lot of times it’s because of media that you’ve been consuming. And you’re now looking at your spouse and saying, Oh, well, they don’t look like that, or they don’t act like that. Or, you know, there’s there’s a true laziness, in our thought life is when comparison hits. But a lot of times, it’s because of what we allow, through our eyes, what we allow ourselves to consume, and I I’ve been a perpetrator of this, myself, and when I noticed, Wow, I feel discontent with the, the situations in my life or my spouse or my kids, or what have you, it means that I am. I’m not focused on what God has given me to steward and be accountable for instead, I’m focused on other things and we know coveting is a sin. I’ve got a podcast on that, that I encourage you to listen to, if this is a struggle for you is how coveting a second affects your sex. I think that’s what it’s called. So the parable of the talents, let’s talk about it. It’s in Matthew 2514. For it will be like, and they’re talking about the kingdom of heaven. It will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents to another two, and to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents, went at once and traded with them and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents and made two talents more, but he who had received the one talent, went and dug in the ground and hid his masters money. Now, after a long time, the master of those servants came and settle the counts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more saying, Master, you deliver to me five talents here. I have made you five talents more. His master said to him a well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little I will set you over much Enter into the joy of your master.
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And he also who had two talents came forward saying Master, you deliver to me two talents here. I have made two talents more and his master said to him Well done good and faithful servant, you have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much Enter into the joy of your master. He also who had received, the one talent came forward saying, Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow and gathering where you scattered no seed. So I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours. But his master answered him, You wicked and slothful servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed, then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers. And at my coming, I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him, who has the 10 talents, for to everyone who has will more be given, and he who will have, and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not even what he has, will be taken away. And cash the worthless servant into the outer darkness in the place where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. So to me, that is a powerful story and a powerful warning. It’s interesting talents actually means. In my Bible, it says a talent was a monetary unit worth about 20 years wages for labor. So it’s actually a lot. But I also like that it’s called talents, because I kind of think of my talents as things that need to be stewarded and need to be well invested. So think about it this way. So one of these servants was given a ton more than the other. I mean, five times, the guy that just had one talent. And so I think that’s what happened. I think that the guy with one talent, he just compared himself to the others and decided I, I don’t even I can’t move from here. I don’t, I don’t have what it takes to, to do this. But it’s, it’s crazy, because God had given him so much. But what it says at the end here, it says, For to everyone who has more will be given and he will have an abundance, but from the one who has not even what he has will be taken away. Now clearly, the guy with one talent actually had one talent, which 20 years wages, what is that like, even if it’s $50,000, that’s times 20. That’s 10 $100,000. That was a lot of money back then. So the one who thinks he has not, it’ll be taken away. But if you think you have, more will be given. Because you’re going to act differently if you think you have. So think about that, in your marriage. Think about that in your life, you have far more than you think you have, regardless of where you are. The fact that you’re breathing means that you have there are so many people that are on their last last leg of life and they wish they had that what you had, there are so many people who lost their spouse and they wish they could have those moments back. Can you instead focus on what you have in this life, and more will be given. It’s got to be a discipline. It’s not something I’m perfect at. But it is something that gosh, when I get off track, I wake up in the morning and it’s a new day, it’s a fresh day I focus on you know, my gratitudes I write at least 10 Every day the other day I got to 33 the day before that 26 I just right until my emotions and my mood align with what I know God wants me to focus on is what I have, what God has given me the beauty in my life, so that I am empowered and encouraged and energized to do what God wants me to do. Because when I or any of us are in a bad state, a negative frame of mind, a focus on the lack then we actually do worse in everything that we’re assigned to our kids we parent worse, or our husband or wife we are worse spouse our work. We’re not as great as great at our actual physical job, whether you’re, you know your own boss or your report to someone else. Everything our friendships or
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our ministry, we need to be focusing on what God has given us and then we’re empowered to do so much more. So you need to be a steward of your own focus So let’s go ahead and wrap this podcast up with a quick reminder. So first of all, get your physiology. Get those deep breaths, get your body in a state that causes you to have the energy and the enthusiasm. That’s a discipline. The next one is, is your focus, where are you going to put your focus, and that has all sorts of meanings in your life. You know, if you’re struggling in these ways, put put verses all around your house put, maybe if you’re not struggling, I mean, this is, this is good, but versus around your house, make, make your lock screen on your phone, a scripture that’s going to encourage you or affirmation that you need to be aligning your heart with the next. The third one is your words, get your words in line with your faith, that don’t be professing things that are not helpful. You know, certainly pursue wisdom from those that can help you but just the random Joe on the side of the street, you don’t need to be telling them the negative stuff that’s not going to move you in the right direction. Remember, the stories from the Bible, they got their words in line, they discipline their focus for years. From my understanding of it, I think that’s what they did. The next piece is visualizations Get, get these visualizations deep in you. That’s another piece of my morning routine, as I write out, you know, from my pursuit of Jesus from my pursuit of understanding what he wants for his will for my life and knowing him and realigning that and consistently seeking Him for understanding what His will is, because I know faith works. I have no doubt faith works. So it’s my require it’s, it’s required for me to align my, my faith with his well, actually, I did want to mention this. Matthew 721, Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day, Many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name? And do mighty miracles, mighty works in your name? And then will I declare to them, I never knew you, depart from me, you workers of lawlessness? That is such a sobering, sobering scripture, isn’t it? Where they did all these great things? How did that not work out for them? It sure seems like it sure seems like those things should a bought them a ticket. But no, he says, I never knew you. That wasn’t my will. You have to do my will. And to do that you have to know me that’s what that really jumps out to me that the first and the last scripture, but only those who do the will of my Father who is in heaven. So that’s something that you know, is a consistent pursuit of mine is to learn, discern, recognize God’s will through a pursuit of knowing God has faith his work faiths going to work? You just have to know God’s will as you as you go. So anyway, so that’s what I do is visualizations every morning so I and I’m not perfect at this there are days that I miss but as part of my morning routine for the vast majority of my days, I do that as as my as part of my day is my visualizations of what when I’m having faith for what I’m visualizing what am I focusing on? So that’s the next piece and finally is seeking the person of Jesus I made that clear a moment ago, but
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we’ve got to do that. And what does that look like? I think abiding in Christ I’ve learned this from some from several others but I I think it’s truly just a reach for Jesus on a consistent so on a you know, when when there’s a tough moment it’s it’s a quick prayer, just a quick help Jesus or God, I asked for your your wisdom here. Or let me let me not speak out of your outside of your will right now. Or lead me Holy Spirit. Be with me. A lot of things I love to do is just God I love you. I love you because as I focus on the good I’m just like, oh my goodness, God, you have given me a good life. What a kind and good and loving father you are. So as you are focused on the good, it’s going to empower your faith. It’s going to give you joy, it’s going to tether you to Jesus, the one who causes miracles and keep focused on what you have been given. Alright, let’s pray. Father, I lift up the person listening I asked you for faith in them right now. That they would breathe deeply, they would get their body in line with faith and energy, whether that’s for their health, their marriage, their kids, their work, their finances, all of these things, Father, there is reason to have faith, because you are God and they know you they are listening to this is not a mistake. God, I ask in Jesus name for transformation in their lives, Father, even right now for a perspective shift in Jesus name, that this is now up to them to discipline their mind. It is up to them to have a disciplined mind for faith. Right now, I ask for transformation in their heart, God. You do the miracle slower you do the miracles in their life, we give you all the credit. And it is our faith that has made us well. That is what your scripture reads. Give us the grace to align our heart with yours father. There’s one more scripture says Matthew 633. But seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you, therefore to not be anxious about tomorrow. So I pray that for this person, God, give them the grace to seek you first, your kingdom, your will for them. And they be not anxious. God, the kingdom of God, the God of the universe, who you are. Lord puts everything in perspective. Father, we love you. You have given us good things. You are kind, good father, and we thank you for the abundant life that you came to give us. In Jesus name, Amen. All right. I hope that you are encouraged. I hope you’re edified. I hope that there is a shift, and I’m rooting for you. I am rooting for you. I am rooting for you. And that’s the this is the pep talk that you might have needed and that might be why you you you’ve tuned in I believe that’s, that’s the case. So listen, to give you more understanding around specifically marriage of specifically intimacy. I’d love to invite you to these free trainings for men go to delight your marriage.com/ Men’s training for women go to delight your marriage.com/sc and I give you lots of practical things to transform your marriage. The first key is faith. So have faith that things can transform. God bless you. I love you. Praying for you.
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Bye