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I talk a lot about success stories. To inspire you that transformation can happen and God does it all the time!
But this is really all about unconditional love. That your actions and words towards your spouse are “I love you no matter what.”
Why is that such a difficult posture to take with our spouse?
I think our culture and society teaches us to compare… and the wrong ways of interacting with our spouse… and a very “I won’t do that unless you do this”… It’s not Jesus’ way.
His refrain is very different.
So, this podcast episode is to…
1-Remind you that this is all about loving the way Jesus loves.
2-Remind you that you’re doing a really good job at a hard thing. (Just the fact that you’re listening in means you want to do this God’s way–and I’m proud of you!)
3-What to cut out of your life that may be getting in the way of you doing this.
Bravo to you.
Love,
Belah
PS – You’re doing a really good job. I’m proud of you… just opening this and thinking about loving that being your Father designed and breathed life into.
How lucky you are that He entrusted that human to you. Love them well.
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi there, this is belah. And I’m really grateful you’re joining me. So, today’s podcast, I’m very inspired to share. But before I do, if you went ahead and join me in the masterclasses, thank you, it was so great to see so many of you engage and fill out the, you know, interactive pieces and just hear from you. And you know, some of those that joined the the women’s program. Someone said it was yours, that there was no intimacy between she and her husband. And because of the masterclass, she was provoked and confident enough to go for it for the first time. And now. I mean, things are changing for them. And she’s joined the the women’s program and yeah, it’s just so exciting to see. And for gentlemen, as well, like these are complete paradigm shifts. So next time the masterclass comes around, I hope you’ll join me. But in the meantime, I do have some phenomenal free resources, you can go to delight your marriage.com/free. And there’s lots of options for you to choose what may help you
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and your marriage. All right, let’s go ahead and dive in today. So I’m very inspired to share about the idea of I will love you no matter what, now, this came from this wonderful parenting
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expert guru, godly woman named Bonnie Landry Bo, in an IE, last name is LA in der why encourage you to look her up, because she is just really phenomenal. But what she talks about is this idea of, of showing your kids through your actions, that even when they have hard emotions, even when they disagree with the way you raise them, whether it’s around Christianity, or whether it’s, you know, just legitimate mistakes you’ve made, that their emotions, their, their, their ways of being with you. Sure, you may disagree with them. Sure. They even may scare you, but you have a constant with them that says, I will love you no matter what. And yes, you may communicate that directly. But you may do that just through your own heart posture of I will love you no matter what. And I think that’s extremely true for our spouses. I will love you no matter what, I will love you no matter what. There is not a question in your heart. When you approach your spouse of are they doing enough for me? Is there reciprocation? In what I’m doing for them? Are they giving me my needs? Are they meeting what I ask and seek, but instead, your communication in all areas indirectly, directly, is I will love you no matter what. And more than likely, you’re not going to say that phrase, but you are going to feel that way in the world in the ways that you love them. And from a lot of my resources, you’ll find out how men feel loved how women feel loved in their marriages. But have that as your refrain in your heart. That’s where it starts. It has to be in your heart. I will love you no matter what. The other thing I wanted to do here is encourage you because just the fact that you’re listening to my voice right now means that you care. That means you care about your marriage, you care about your husband or you care about your wife. You’re not in this for the short term gain. You’re in this for the long haul. I know you are I can tell you are and I want to encourage you you are doing a good job. You’re doing a good job. Yes, you know my I work as a coach right? So I’m always trying to move you to the next level. I’m always trying to encourage you and challenge you but let me say you’re doing a good job. I want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to feel the father’s affection and and pride for your work in your marriage and I I know this is a lonely road If your marriage is not doing well right now, if your spouse is not reciprocating right now. So let me encourage you. God is proud of this pursuit that you have of your spouse, that you are pursuing them the way God would have you. The way Jesus pursues his church is the way a husband should pursue his wife that Jesus never stops. There’s this great song that’s coming to mind that I will sing. Because I know you want me to know just kidding, I do love to sing. So I will sing. Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. Your love never fails. It never gives up, never runs out on me. You’ll love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me, you’re on. And on and on, and on. And on. It goes, yes, it overwhelms and satisfies my soul. And I’ll never ever have to be afraid. Because your love remains. Your love never fails and never gives up, never runs out on me. Your love never fails, never gives up and never runs out on me. Your love never fails and never gives up. never runs out on me your love. So if we think about the way we’re with our spouse should reflect the way Jesus is with us.
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It means that I will love you no matter what. I’m not doing this for reward. I’m doing this for love. I’m doing this because you are my person. You are my person. You are my forever person. Just like your kids will never not be your person. Your spouse will never not be your person. There should not be even a remote check in your heart to say, Oh, if only I was with this other person or if only I had picked someone else. That’s not a godly perspective. That is against who you are as a believer. So be very careful. Be very careful with your thought life. Be careful about coveting somebody else’s spouse. Be careful about being jealous of somebody else’s marriage. Be careful. That is the enemy’s playground is your mind. It starts in the mind. Get your heart right. I will love you no matter what. I have empathy for the suffering you’ve gone through and are going through. fill yourself up. fill yourself up. God will sustain you in the ways that your spouse is not. He is a good father. He will sustain you He will give you joy. But you need to love your spouse no matter what. Think about First Corinthians 13 Love is patient love is kind those are action words. That is not a feeling. Love is patient no love acts patiently. If you love your spouse, you’re going to be patient with them you’re going to be kind and you’re called to love your spouse. Those are action words. So I invite you to love your spouse no matter what I will love you no matter what in action so the fact that you listen to this you get a good job you get a pat on the back I want you to feel that even right now. As I’m speaking to you, I want you to feel that you are just the fact that you are listening you know I agree with the phrase that you are the the five people you spend the most time with I think we can strap extrapolate that out with you know who you listen to who you allow into your thought life. Right? Whether that’s books whether that’s podcasts what wherever you allow thoughts to come in your mind even shows and movies like those affect your thinking. And so if it’s social media that affects the way your your heart posture is before Jesus, what he’s looking at. It’s affected by what you allow in and I don’t want to condemn necessary Early shows and movies and necessarily social media depending on how life giving those options are. But you know afterwards Do you feel filled up? Do you feel edified? Do you feel like God has spoken to you through it is there you know, something that’s true and noble and good. anything praiseworthy in it, right? That’s the the verse about think on these things. You know, if you feel that, that after watching a certain show, then by all means, you know, but if, if you know that this provokes you to jealousy, or this provokes you to comparison or to, you know, all sorts of it provokes you to strife with your with your partner, it provokes you to, you know, to lust after someone else. It provokes you to have, you know, just lethargy and laziness in your life. And you’re spending all this time on TV hours a day, maybe, where you instead, could be doing so much more with the beautiful, incredible life God has given you.
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You know, the verses Philippians, four, eight that says brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent, or praiseworthy, think about such things. So I want to encourage you the fact that you let me into your life, I mean, my goodness, I’m so grateful and honored, and appreciative. And the fact that you are listening to this kind of content means you are doing a good thing. So I want you to be proud of yourself for that. Sure, you might not be doing all the things I encourage you to do perfectly or whatever. I’m still growing in all of those things, right. But the fact that you’re just here and listening and consuming means that you’re pursuing this. Just being around people who think this way, just listening to people who think this way, is going to empower you to think this way. So just like as I said, there’s tons of shows out there that have no business being seen or listened to, or given the time of day by Christians, just so many sources of media, that’s just the enemy’s work, of distraction of, of all sorts of, of negative things. But if you can, you know, have yourself as as focused on what is bringing the fruit of the Spirit. If we talk about what it says in Galatians five, it says, starting in verse 16, so I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh, for the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit. What is contrary to the flesh, they are opposed to each other, so that you do not do what you want, but you are led by the Spirit. You are not under the law. The acts of this flesh are obvious sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery. idolatry and sorcery, hatred, discord, jealousy and rage. So I mean, it’s so obvious when we look at that list. So far, I haven’t even gotten very far in the list, but sexual immorality, if that’s what a show is provoking you towards lustful thoughts and fantasies and impurity. I mean, cut it off, cut it off. Yeah, it’s funny and all these things, but you know, I get to a spot of like, there’s, you know, certainly my sense of humor is in a lot of those things. But if it’s provoking, you know, terrible mentalities around sex and around the ways I you know, would I want my own kids to watch this? If the answer’s no, I shouldn’t be watching it either. But then continuing, you know, jealousy, hatred, discord, rage, like if that’s what it’s showing you, you know, there are so many portrayals of, of fights between spouses, or between lovers or whatever, that is so contrary to wisdom, and it causes us to have poor role role models on how how, how to engage with their spouse in like, you know, it’s almost like common wisdom is, is to Be authentic in terms of,
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you know, how you feel is what you should say to your spouse and your feelings are most important and, and these sorts of things and it’s like no, no my values, what I have decided matters to me is most important. My feelings, I’ve got to choose to align with my values. That’s why the spending time in the word every day is so important. Because it helps you to say, okay, what are my values, what matters as a believer and follower of Jesus, this is what matters, I need to get my, my feelings in line with that. And I really believe your feelings, erupt from what you focus on. What you focus on is where your feelings come from. And so when you when you focus on the good of your spouse of your kids, you feel more love. That’s when the feelings start to be provoked. But if you’re focusing on the ways that they’re not doing what you want them to, then okay, you’re not going to be satisfied. You’re not going to be content. You know, a lot of my podcast right I’m, I tell you how lives are changed because this system of doing and thinking works. But it’s not to provoke you to jealousy, or discontentment unless it’s provoking you to action that will then by God’s grace, provide those kinds of benefit and results. It’s not to say, Be discontent with your spouse, unless it’s provoking you to action, unless it’s provoking you to gain wisdom and run after it, as it talks about in Proverbs, run after wisdom, pursue wisdom. I mean, it’s constantly telling you to get wisdom. So that’s why you know, the power of God is in testimonials of what he has done. I mean, that provokes us to faith and, and pursuing what God has for us, but not to be jealous and not to be self. What’s the word when you like self pity, right? It’s not to provoke you to self pity. Alright, so more of the acts of the flesh, rage, rivalries, divisions, factions. So also be thinking about what is dividing me from others, what’s causing me to isolate myself? What’s causing me to, you know, have this this attitude of, I’m the only one that knows best, you know, and then the next piece is envy. Right? That’s, that’s covetousness. That’s against the word of God. If I’m envying, others, drunkenness, right, orgies and the like. I mean, all of that. You know, I want to say sin is very attractive. There’s a lot of things that seem you know, so good about sin, but the truth of the matter is, it destroys our soul. Proverbs five, you can see that adultery, destroys your soul, and you know, that lusting after someone else, as Jesus talks about his adultery. Gosh, it’s attractive. Gosh, you know, it seems like a great choice. But it destroys our soul, then what’s more important, you know, and so what you have to do is, is redirect your focus is redirect your focus to you feel the way that’s aligned with your values. You have to feel the way that’s aligned with your values. So that’s the acts of the flesh. And so you have to reflect on the habits that you’re doing, the ways that you’re living? And is this provoking acts of the flesh and making you desire those things that we just talked about? Or is it causing you and growing you in the fruits of the spirit of love, and joy and peace, and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness, gentleness, and self control? That’s verse 22. So then, it says, against such things, there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. So my encouragement to you is, choose who you’re spending time with, according to what it provokes in you, does it provoke in you the flesh? I mean, I know that there are habits between me and certain people. A lot of times, they’re not Christians. And I just, it’s hard. I don’t know why it just easily slips into gossip, it easily slips into judging others. And it’s really hard for me to to change up those patterns. And so, you know, sometimes we have to either cut off relationship Ships if we can’t change those dynamics, or,
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or we just have to change the subject every time it kind of gets closer to that space, and you know, sometimes they’re their family and you can’t cut off those relationships, but you just need to, you know, again, you where your your focus your feelings are evoked by them. And the only thing about words that I think is so important is what you say goes deeper in you. So if you were saying things about not liking your spouse, or not liking a certain person, or your kids or whatever, it goes deeper in you, I really think that what we say, has to be aligned with what we want to feel how we want our lives to go, we need our words to match up with that. So again, in your heart, for your communication with your spouse to be, I will love you no matter what, and living a life that serves that intention, with your habits, that we’ve talked about aligning with your habits, in the way that God wants you to use. So, you know, I think it’s really interesting, that Galatians five, that the verses we just talked about 16 through 2220 fours, what we talked about is, is godly, and works for people who are single, but in terms of people who are married. It’s like such this, it’s it’s such a great blueprint, if you will, of being a person that loves their spouse, well, being a person who loves their spouse, the way that Jesus asks us to love our spouse, the way that Jesus loves the church. And if you’re listening to this, in in the present, we just celebrated the way Jesus loved the church was to sacrifice everything for her, regardless of what he received in return. He said, forgive them for they know not what they do. They were doing a lot of bad things to him. And he said, Forgive them anyway. Anyway. So for you to forgive your spouse and love them no matter what I mean, one that draws them to Jesus. So if you’re praying for your spouse, to to come to know Jesus, that’s the kind of love that draws them to Jesus. But even if your spouse is a Christian, let’s say you know, wives who want their husbands to be the spiritual leaders, loving him, no matter what. loving Him the way that Christ loves the church, draws him to Jesus. And I want to just reiterate, it is very tempting to listen to my stuff and compare your spouse with what I describe. And to people be provoked to jealousy and discontentment. And there’s got to be a realignment in your heart when that happens. To say, No, this has got to provoke me to action and love. And how cool is it that somebody’s got amazing results, because they did those actions and they did love so well. Like Praise be to God for that. And I’m going to do my part in my work. Regardless of the results, there has to be a heart concept in that because there’s a balance there’s a balance between being encouraged and inspired by other people’s stories. And feeling discontentment that, why isn’t my spouse doing that? It’s a discipline of the heart. It really is. So I want you to have that in your heart of I will love you no matter what. And love is active. Love is active. So again, just the fact that you listened to this episode, I want to be very proud of you. Really, really be encouraged. You are listening and thinking about the things of God that things are the Spirit. I know you are. And you know little by little you’ll clean up other things that are causing you to think about and pursue the things of the flesh. I’m I mean, I’m still in that process. We’re still all Crucifying the flesh, right? That’s, that’s the process. We’re all going through. We’re all working out our salvation. But you’re going in the right direction. You’re going in the right direction continue to pursue the things of the Spirit that encourages love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and gentleness, faithfulness and self control. You’re doing it. You’re doing it you’re doing a great job. I’m proud of Have you? You know, I say that a lot to people I work with, because
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I don’t know it feels really good when somebody who you respect says they’re proud of you. And just the fact that you’ve engaged today, I am proud of you. You deserve to be proud of yourself. You’re doing it. You’re doing a good job. I just I, you know, Lord, I just ask for the person listening God to feel your love for them, to feel your affection and your pride. The fact that, that you look at them and smile, you think about them, you longed to be closer to them, God, and if they are not feeling loved by their spouse, in whatever ways God I asked that you would sustain them, I asked that you would, you would fill them with your love. The ways that you love them is so much deeper than ever, their spouse could ever dream of, even if they have the best marriage and in all the land. God Your love is stronger and deeper and truer, I us humans are so weak, our love is so weak, our ability to love is weak. But God I asked Father that we would be filled up with your love, that that would be a constant desire for us to understand the depth and the width and the height of your love for us. Nothing can separate us from Your love nothing. God give us the grace that that overflow of realization of your love for us can overflow to our spouse, whomever and however they are right now. God that we love them no matter what. Give them that grace give us that grace Father. Lord, we appreciate that you teach us. We appreciate that you are still growing us that you still have wisdom for us. And we love you. I love that you’re changing this person in the way you want them to grow. And I trust you for it. In Jesus name, amen. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. God bless you and I look forward to talking to you next week. Again, I have so many free resources, practical how tos around intimacy as well as lots of stuff around marriage and just really good stuff. So you can go to relate your marriage.com/free and you can get them there. God bless you and I will talk to you next week. Bye