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So, this is such a fun story to share. I believe it will inspire hope, excitement and most importantly faith that God can do this for you too!
I remember speaking with Timothy on our first call together and the sincere pain and loneliness he felt with his wife which was so visceral and real.
He reached out firstly just to thank me for an encouraging podcast that he stumbled upon after a really tough moment between he and his wife and it encouraged him.
My heart went out to him. A big part of him thought the state of his marriage was “just the way it was”.
How could a class fix that?
Timothy shares what happened to him when he got the tools and training of Masculinity Reclaimed.
What happened to his marriage when he implemented it.
What changes he made.
Week in and week out he “showed up” and did what I asked — and what I think you can tell by listening to his story is that he changed.
She didn’t know he was doing the program, but she started responding to his change.
He was a “Delight Your Marriage binge-listener” before. (I’m super honored for those of you out there! 🙂
But it wasn’t until he was actually in the Masculinity Reclaimed program where the principles I teach are ordered in the way that his marriage needed with tweaks particular to his situation to heal and then be on a completely different trajectory.
Before he worked so much because he didn’t have a reason to be home, before she didn’t want to spend time, always on her phone,
And guess who cuddles up to him now?
And guess who initiates much more often?
And asks for new things in intimacy?
And has magically dropped life-long the body image concerns and now gives loads of flirty visuals?
Timothy has witnessed his wife become a very different woman because of the way he has changed!
Now people comment to them about how much fun they have together.
Timothy just graduated from the MR program this Spring, and if you want to be in the Fall Semester of Masculinity Reclaimed, I have a “sample” free Men’s Masterclass which you can sign up for here.
delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
The free Men’s Masterclass is starting Monday, July 19 – 21.
Enrollment in the Fall Semester of Masculinity Reclaimed opens July 22.
I’m so excited for God’s miracles to continue to surprise and encourage us toward faith and glorifying Jesus’ work… in more mens’ lives, more marriages, and continue the good things only God can do!
(Also, keep in mind, Timothy said: “most of the guys” in the course got his kind of results… just wild.) Listen to hear more.
Love & Blessings,
Belah
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi, there, it’s belah thank you so much for being here. And oh my gosh, today’s conversation is amazing. So Timothy is just now graduating from the masculine a the reclaimed program. And in fact, during the call his last call, I was like, I sent him a quick chat if he would be willing to stay after and do this conversation with me. And he said, Yes, so I’m airing it today, because enrollment in the masculinity reclaimed program is opening, once again here just a little while from now, July 22. So that is going to be opening in actually a week from now little less than a week from now. So I encourage you to get signed up ahead of that there’s basically a sample class going on. It’s a men’s masterclass, totally free for you. But that starts on July 19. So a lot of men have gone through that they have found it extremely valuable. It’s only open for a limited time. So basically, take the sample class, you’ve got nothing to lose totally free, July 19 20/21. And then enrollment in the full program, which is a paid program starts on the 22nd. So that’s next Thursday. I am just beyond excited for you, as Timothy talks about most of the guys in the class God his results. Those are Timothy’s words, not mine. It’s it’s it’s a god work that has happened in Timothy’s life in the lives of these men. It’s incredible. Truly, and I hope that you join us at least on the free master class. And if you can swing it, this three month program is just, it’s incredible. It’s truly transformative by God’s grace. So as soon as you can sign up for the masterclass at delight your marriage.com/masterclass Okay, so that’s it. Those are all my announcements. Let’s dive into his story. I think he gives some really practical tips as well. So let’s dive in Alright, Timothy, thank you so much for doing this conversation with me.
2:45
Horace happy to be on.
2:46
Yes. So yeah. Can you just maybe introduce yourself a little bit and let us know a little bit about you and your family?
2:54
Sure. My name is Timothy. And we been married? About two years just a little over. And we don’t have we don’t have any kids. But we have dogs. You might call us a dog parents. Yeah, so we’ve been like I said, we’ve been together about two years. And we started off, you know, just madly, I guess madly in love, you know, as as you’d normally do. Right. Yeah. And that continued on for a little while after you’re married, but it quickly, it quickly fell off. And we eventually got to a place where, um, you know, we didn’t we didn’t argue lease we looked, we looked like a really great couple. But at home we were we were pretty much just roommates. I mean, when we were alone, she’d be on our phone. And if I could coax her out of using our phone just to chat. Things would be very cold. A little you know, dismissive. Just kind of, you know, Oh, yeah. Yeah, let’s, let’s let’s move on. And then our physical intimacy was was pretty much non existent. I mean, there was this point of where she, she didn’t really want me to even just give her a hug. You know, she would, she would kind of recoil a little bit when I just went to hug her. And so it was it was very, very difficult. And I didn’t really want to go home, you know, so I, I didn’t work a whole lot. You know, we had some financial strain, so I kind of chalked it up to that. But looking back, it was it was because there was no I didn’t have a reason to go home? I didn’t want to be there. Hmm. Wow.
5:07
Wow, that’s really tough. So in terms of even sexual intimacy, was that also non existent? Or?
5:14
It was very frequent. So it sex maybe once every two months or so. Oh, wow. Ah,
5:25
yes. So really, really challenging. So what, you know, I remember our first conversation, what was the thing that kind of caused you to say, Okay, I need I want to do this course I needed to this course or what was kind of the turning point for you.
5:42
So I had chalked it up a lot over a year or so to just being external factors. And thinking that, you know, well, it’s just, it’s just just her work, or my work or family things going on, you know, what we’ll just external factors on on our marriage. And then we got a spot where everything outside looks, you know, really good. But home was still was still pretty bad. So that’s when I really started thinking, Well, you know, we’ve, we’ve got to do something. And I had approached her about it, and she didn’t seem open to the idea of going to do anything, you know, she was like, you know, we’re fine. Like, we don’t really need to, we don’t really need marriage counseling. That’s kind of like if you if you fail, you know, yeah. So I was just like, Well, I think I’ll, I’ll try to go do something. So, you know, you might be just one half of the marriage, but that’s the half you can control. Yeah, that’s the half you can, you can always work on yourself. So I decided to that, you know, looked at, there’s nothing external that’s really going on. So let’s see what I can work on. Wow.
7:13
That’s amazing. And so what did you find the podcast? Or how did you?
7:19
So actually, I found the I found the podcast through an interview you did on another podcast. Hello. And then I was like, well, I need to I need to look her up. And I found your podcast and website and started just kind of binge listening to the podcast.
7:37
Really? Wow. So then you went from binge listening to the podcast, because then actually signing up for the course that
7:44
like it cuz I hadn’t just even emailed you about a specific podcast, not thinking that you would respond, it was just a thank you for an encouragement podcast, just because it was it was like really, really hard at that specific, specific time. And a notification popped up on my phone, and I actually gone to the closet just to get some space. Oh, and I hit hit the notification, not not thinking about it. And you know, started playing so pretending to organize the closet
8:29
but anyway, I gotta say, You You You responded in and mentioned, hey, you know, have you thought about this program? And I don’t know that I would have done it without that little bit of the little bit of reach just a little because my, you know, my thought was, I want to do something but like, would a would a class really work like that for me specifically, I can’t speak to all guys but like it was marketed as hey like you learn tools to classes. And and like all through high school all through all through grade school all through high school you do in college. A class can give you the tools you need for for your marriage it’s not going to be what necessarily changes it because you have to implement those but if a class can provide you with those things you need to actually succeed at it
9:33
wow that’s really good. I’m gonna take a note of that that’s a good idea all right, that one down
9:42
like the tools metaphor was like resonate. Yeah.
9:47
Yeah. Is a manly man. You got your tools and toolbox. Big trucks
9:56
are no big truck but I have tools and And, you know, our wife always always makes fun of me. She’s like, Do you need any more? Like, but I don’t have this for use it for, but I don’t I don’t have it
10:18
I love it. This is so good. Well, good. I love it. Um, what were some of the major things you learned in the course, or some things that you really felt were like aha moments that somebody listening would would really be able to gain insight from,
10:33
I’d say that they’re, they’re just, there are a whole whole lot, but maybe a few, maybe a few key ones would be like how, how your wife hears things differently than you. So when you when you say something, you may be expressing expressing appreciation for something, but it’s not in a way that lands or really resonates with her. So she’s, she might come off as being dismissive, because it’s not really something that speaks to her. So just just a little tweak, and how you express something makes a really large impact to to your marriage.
11:19
Wow. Yeah, I love that insight. Yes, that’s true. It’s just like a tiny, tiny degree difference, but it really it’s huge.
11:31
It can make all the difference. Yeah. Another one would be no, the goes back to appreciation, Your, your thoughts and how, what you think about your marriage, it drives a lot of, of what you do. Even little things like you, you might not think that you are being rude or cold in response to to, to your wife, but you’re, you’re throughout thoughts kind of dictate your actions, you’re thinking, Oh, I can’t believe she did this, you know, she’s, she’s just gonna do this the same thing over again, because that’s the way it always is. And that, that really colors, your, your response and how you act in your marriage. So the daily gratitude, you know, waking up and setting the tone for the day. And then, for me, it was important to do the same thing at night, because at night, I would think about all the things you want on at the end of the day. And sort of just, I just took those grip morning gratitudes and kind of did the same thing in the evening. of you know, I’m thankful that she you know, just here we just little things like, Well, I’m thankful she did the dishes today.
12:58
Absolutely, yes.
13:01
His dishes would just pile up for miles if she didn’t. So yes, I love it. Yes. Wonderful. Wonderful. Okay, well, what would you say are some of the results you saw through throughout the program?
13:15
Oh, it was like a complete 180 From where we were, we went from being just kind of the couple that went out. And you know, you’ll be like, Oh, well, they look OK, together. Like they didn’t. We didn’t laugh. We didn’t. We joke around with each other. And and now we get compliments when we go out of people saying oh, you play? Like, it’s kind of miserable out here. How y’all joking around and laughing with each other? Like, oh, well, that’s just what we do. So just, I mean, the whole, our whole marriage tone chain has changed. And we’ve I mean, we’ve gone from her not wanting me to touch her to her, asking Hey, why are you why are you sitting all the way over there? Why don’t you come sit next to me?
14:06
Oh my gosh, oh, it’s so great.
14:13
Or, you know, the other things where she’s like, she’s make suggestions about things we can do the bedroom that’s nothing. That’s something that we’ve would have never have happened before. I mean, she just wasn’t open to anything new happening in the bedroom. And now she’s like, well, how will we try this? Like, what did you think?
14:38
Wow.
14:41
That’s amazing. And do I remember correctly? Um, she was struggling with body image issues. So there wasn’t a lot of visuals early on ever, or is that right? Am I
14:51
Yes? Yes. She’s she’s she’s always had issues with with weight and she feels very self conscious. about it. And so she would never, she would never show herself, you know, if we, if we made love that the lights were off. She was never, never really unclothed where I would see her. Wow. And now it has definitely shifted to where she you know, she’ll she’ll come out of the shower and strut around or come out from the the next room and be like, Oh, hey, oh, no, I didn’t put clothes on.
15:33
Like a joke like
15:37
that. Just silly. Oh, no. Oh, well, I you know, I don’t mind the view if you just want to walk around.
15:48
That is so great.
15:51
Oh, my gosh, the frequency has increased.
15:54
Yes. And Naveen. So we went from just once every one to two months to it’s just about once a week. So I mean, that’s that’s a huge shame. Wow.
16:08
And who’s doing the initiating?
16:11
She’s, she’s doing all DNS.
16:17
So she’s doing all the initiating it went from one to once, once a month, once every two months. And now you’re at once a week and she’s doing all the initiating?
16:27
Yes, it’s pretty wild,
16:30
says Timothy. Oh, my gosh. And, um, and then let’s see what Oh, does she know about the program?
16:39
She does not. So she she has no inkling that I was in the program.
16:49
Can you believe your story?
16:54
No, I mean, I, you know, had a little reservations going in thinking, you know, well, you know, I’ve just I’ve, I’ve, what I’ve tried has not worked. So I need to try something else. You know, it heard testimonials and thought well, I mean, it’s probably not going to be to that degree. That’s that’s probably a special case. Mm hmm. Yeah, so I was I was happily proven wrong. Good. I’m happy to hear that.
17:29
That’s incredible, Timothy. So did you notice others in the class had results similar to yours? Or were you this special case? What would you say?
17:39
Oh, no, there were there were a lot of people in the class that had the same results. I mean, I would say the majority of the people in the class had the same results. And, and the few that didn’t just need, you know, just a little more time to keep building that foundation and continuous with the healing.
18:00
Yes, yes. That is so so so. So great. Um, well, would you recommend the program to others? Would you say,
18:11
Oh, I couldn’t, I couldn’t recommend it enough. And it doesn’t matter if you are dating, thinking about getting married, Married for just a little time. Married for decades, any now I think anyone can really, really benefit from it. Because there, like I said, there, there are a lot of little things that you can do just to tweak, you know, things that you you might already be doing that just make a huge impacts on the vitality in the marriage.
18:48
Oh, my gosh, that’s amazing. That’s amazing. Well, any final thoughts that you want to give to a man who’s like, maybe he’s on the fence? Or maybe he’s, you know, all the fears and concerns that you had going into this? Right? What would you what would you say?
19:04
I would say jump in. I mean, you you can always rationalize, well, you know, maybe I just need to find a different book, or, you know, maybe I need to find some, you know, well, I’ve got all these podcasts, I’ll just go through them. And those are all all really, really great tools. But I believe you said it, you don’t. People don’t really change in in a vacuum. So if you are just trying to work on it yourself. That’s I mean, that’s great. And that’s that is the motivation you will need. But having the support there having the accountability is also a extremely important part of what you need to to change your marriage,
19:52
the finances, how are you able to make the finances work and make it so that she wasn’t aware at this point.
20:01
so that I mean, he was a little tricky. For us, we had kind of discretionary funds. So I just paid for it from from mine. And it’s something that she can she could look at, but it’s not something that she regularly does. Mm hmm. So, you know, is there if she if she really wanted to look around, but I mean, I didn’t try to hide it. But you know, she just, she’s, she never asked, so I just paid for it from from mine. And, yeah, and I didn’t bring up that I was doing the class, she knew I had been considering trying to do something. But that’s, that’s all she knew, from a investment standpoint, like, the amount we would invest in counseling is considerable, like just having a regular counselor is a is a large investment. So this is something that, you know, we’re just gonna do for a season, but it’s a, it’s also a very impactful and great investment for, for you as as a man and for, for your marriage. It’s really, you’re, you’re building, you’re building your character, you’re building your, you’re building yourself into who God wants you to be. And the husband, God wants you to be.
21:27
And were there other men that hadn’t told their wives in the program as well.
21:32
I believe most of the men in the program did not tell their wives. Wow, just because it brings her if you if you tell her that you’re, you’re doing a coaching program for for your marriage, and then she’s gonna have some, it’s likely she’s going to have some doubt on whether or not the changes are going to stick. So you’ll have a little bit of an uphill battle. It’s not impossible, but it’s a little bit of an uphill battle to go through to kind of work through that she’s thinking, you know, and the backroom is thinking most, you know, he didn’t used to do this. Why is he doing it now? Oh, he’s doing that, that thing? So it’s just probably just homework, like, does this gonna stay around? Is this is this for real? Right? So I would say not, not telling her is a is actually an advantage.
22:25
And you saw that with the other guys.
22:27
Yes. I mean, that not not that the the guys that told their wives didn’t have success, but there was definitely a lot of reluctance. A lot of I mean, some of them didn’t see change until to the very, very last few weeks, where when the wives realized, Oh, well, I guess he’s, he’s really doing this.
22:48
Right. Right, right. Right. Yeah. Um, what’s kind of cool that you came, you know, you got to see the the graduating class and you got to see the new guys, was there any like reminders of like, oh, my gosh, I used to be like that, or any thoughts that you had when you’re witnessing?
23:06
Yeah, I mean, you get to see guys, you’re like, oh, yeah, I was, I was right there. Not not eight weeks ago, or, or, you know, however long ago, or think, oh, yeah, no, that’s, that’s a piece that you just come back to again, and again, and again. Because it’s such a foundational topic that you just have to keep in for, you know, for the rest of for rest of your life.
23:31
Well, can I also mention that binge watch binge listening to the the fighters, I do get it, you know, I’m so honored that anyone would listen to me. I mean, I get bored of my own voice. So it’s just lovely. But, um, do you think you would have been able to, to have these changes? Had you remained just a listener to the podcast?
23:54
I’m just the podcast alone, probably. Probably not. Because there would be little, little tweaks and things that I wouldn’t have gotten from from, you know, talking with with you, or from the support of the other guys, just the little things that that add up to a very large change. Like there are things that I would have, I would have missed and not not really comprehended in a in a vacuum, because you’re, you’re going through it and then you go through the material and then the way you see other material changes, because you’re like, oh, okay, oh, I see what that means better now. And you can apply it a lot a lot better. So if you haven’t gone through it, if you’re just going through the podcast, I think you’ll miss some pretty good gems that are that are in there that just won’t won’t resonate with you as as a man because you don’t think that way.
24:56
Are you open to praying for a gentleman who might be in the spot that you were in, you know, hesitant, nervous, concerned, all those things ahead of time, or feeling hopeless, feeling like he’s rejected by his wife or all these things.
25:11
God, we come for you today. And we just ask that you be with the gentleman listening to this, that you’d be with them and the loneliness that they know that you are with them, yes, right now, and that your presence is with them. And that you will guide them on, on their journey, that you will give them the confidence that they need to go forward the courage they need. And as well as the strength to persevere. You know, Lord, you know, the journey is not easy. But the reward is well, well worth the work. So I ask that you be with these men as a as they go through. Yeah. And that you would just speak to them as to whether or not this program is right for them. Yeah. Whether to all of the reasons that they may think of that you help them. Help them through those and help them find the confidence to move forward Lord. Jesus name I pray, amen.
26:21
Amen. Amen. Thank you so much, Timothy. This was really amazing. I so appreciate it.
26:29
Thanks for having me on. And thank you for all that you do. I can’t thank you and your, your team enough because it has truly made a a, a an unparalleled and, and what I thought to be a not not lost cause but a, you know, maybe this is just the way it is. I just changed marriage from being kind of kind of hollow to being something that is full of joy, and just wonderful. Okay, thank you all about.
27:04
Oh, you’re so welcome. Yay, praise God. So good.
27:19
Thank you so much, Timothy. Well, I hope that you are going to join me on July 19. For the free men’s masterclass, it will be available for about a week. But you do need to sign up and register as soon as you can. There’s a couple of pieces that I want you to make sure you accomplish ahead of that. So sign up immediately. And yeah, we’d love to have you on the inside of the masculinity reclaimed program starting enrollment, July 22. Go to delight your marriage.com/masterclass to sign up. I love you. God bless you. Thanks for joining. Have a great day.