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If you’ve ever heard my husband on the podcast, you’ll want to hear him now. I was speaking to a mom at the playground and she was remarking at how calm Darrow is. “I think babies love him because they can somehow sense his calmness and presence. It’s very unique.” I couldn’t agree more.
On today’s episode, you’ll hear the amazing stories! (I was hoping to go “rapid fire” through a ton of the stories… well, we definitely didn’t do that, but I think it’s actually a lot better this way.)
If you’re a man who is suffering in your marriage, you will find encouragement, validation, and hope—you are not alone. Your marriage can change. It has for many others.
Where these men started from was seriously bleak. But, wow! It is wild to see where they have gone! Darrow says it’s like they were stuck in this deep, deep mud – frustrated, angry, in pain, sad, and ready to give up (you may be able to relate), and now they’re on the red carpet – like a dream. No one would ever imagine they were ever in that spot.
Listen in today to hear my husband’s advice, suggestions, and plain-old encouragement to you, dear listener.
Blessings,
Belah
PS – The free Men’s Masterclass is going on right now, but it will be closing soon, so be sure to sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/masterclass
PPS – If you’re ready to enroll in Masculinity Reclaimed for the fall semester, space is limited and we’ll close enrollment if we hit a certain size, so be sure to go to delightyourmarriage.com/mr-enroll-fall and sign up asap.
JFYI – Anyone who signs up on the first day of enrollment – Thursday, July 22, 2021 – will receive a free team strategy session with me directly!
I’m so excited to witness God transform your marriage, too!
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about delight your marriage. So if you have listened to this podcast before, you know that every now and then I’ll bring my husband on. And I have heard so many times that it has been a treat to the listener to hear who this man is, and his heart and I have to agree it is a treat. And so today, I brought him on to allow you and me to hear his reactions to the stories and the miracles that have happened in the masculinity reclaimed program. He, he really has an empathy for the men in the work. Because he he really understands where, where they’re coming from. And he, he just adds so much color and validation and encouragement to you listening. So yes, we are talking about the stories of these men that have just seen incredible transformations. But you’re also able to hear things from DeRose responses and how he processes things and how he thinks about things that if you’re careful, you’re going to pick up some golden perspectives that you definitely wouldn’t get any other way. Also, it’s kind of fun to Yeah, just hear some unfiltered the ways that we interacted and actually at the end, I kept recording. And then I asked him afterwards if it was okay to still keep it in. I stopped the recording, but then I started it again. I tricked him. So it’s pretty fun. And and the stories are just amazing. I really think they’re gonna encourage you and give you hope. Regardless of where you’re starting from really, really you’re going to be amazed
2:25
basically, what’s happening in delight your marriage world is the masculinity reclaimed program, fall semester is launching, you basically can do a free sample masterclass. That gives you a lot of the the information that we go over in depth in the masculinity reclaim program. But you can get all that for free if you sign up for the delight your marriage.com/masterclass. And it’s going on right now. And the men that are going through it. It’s just incredible. They’re filling out competitions, which allows them to get prizes and possibly coaching with me directly. It’s fantastic. So go ahead and sign up go there. Now, it’s not going to be available for long summit, the men have been registered and waiting for this training to open up for months. So I hope that you will get on you got in right on time. But let’s talk about today’s conversation. Because there are so many men that have listened to my podcast for many months or even years. And they have heard about the masculinity reclaim program. What I wanted to do is invite my husband here, because I want to share with you some of the most amazing stories that came from even this most recent graduating class. So how does that sound to you baby?
3:56
Interesting. Yes, excited?
4:00
Yes. And these are guys that have said yes that I can share their stories. Otherwise, I would definitely wouldn’t do that. The other thing about it is I haven’t told Darrow at all about the stories. So he’s this is he’s learning these things for the first time. So it’s pretty exciting for him as well.
4:21
Yes, it is.
4:22
So should I get started? Yes. All right. I’m going to give these guys pretend names. All right. So we’ve got su l. So what was his biggest marital struggle coming in? He said, My wife’s chronic health problems caused exhaustion, low libido, etc. And she also has a certain syndrome, which causes problems with the pelvic floor in pain with sex. I didn’t want to cause her pain through the act of lovemaking. So it was hard for me to initiate sexual intercourse and at the same time, it was hard for me to wait for her to initiate because of her low libido. So her health doesn’t allow her to work full time. So it’s challenging to financially justify things like going on dates and buying flowers. We have a great marriage relationship. But the limited amount of sexual intimacy in our relationship was starting to push me away. And to make things worse, since sex didn’t happen very often, it was easy for me to justify in my own mind to use porn, so I wouldn’t have to be so needy. So that’s him coming in. And so then, what was his biggest celebrations, he said, I was surprised at how much more often we were having sexual intimacy, since I was no longer initiating it. Our sexual intimacy is no longer just an activity that is so easy for me to enjoy and is so difficult for her, but is now much more of a joyful outpouring of our wholehearted love for each other. I don’t even think about using porn anymore, because this is so much better.
6:02
Wow. Yes, that’s cute about the, his wife is struggling with some kind of illness. That is very painful for her.
6:21
I don’t know I can. I don’t know that’s I don’t know how this man this husband, you know, is dealing with his wife is dealing with, with all this stuff, and and the husband, you know, would like the Pleasure, pleasure from his wife, and to dealing with the illness and all the other stuff in financial stuff. I don’t know this, this, this husband. That’s amazing. The people like like him is looking for help or trying to understand what is up there that if if there’s be helpful stuff for him to understand.
7:27
Yeah. And then he said later, he said, I was amazed that what I thought was only a physical challenge for my wife could be largely overcome by the principles taught in this course. He says thanks for changing my life and my marriage in ways I didn’t think needed changing. He said I learned how to love my wife way more unconditionally than I thought I already was. He says,
7:58
once again, I can’t think about when he’s when you said that he did not think that he needs to change. I feel like often me personally, we think that we don’t need to change. And we think like everything is fine. But it’s not. We don’t we don’t think as as husbands or as a man, that we need to we need to change something. And if we need to change is a sign of weakness. Where you know, if you’re weak, that means you’re looking for help or something. But if you’re strong, you in your little mind your minds, that everything’s okay. We’re okay. I don’t know that’s, you know, this, but I, I think
9:09
and Stu also adds, he said, we’ve attended many different kinds of marriage retreats, I have pre marriage counseling sessions with many couples, and I have a master’s degree in family life ministry. And those things are great, and I highly recommend them. But the specific steps Bella led the men in our group through were perfect. I could not believe the challenges many of these men were going through when we started. I didn’t think I belonged at first, but to see how God was transforming these lives in real time was so encouraging and inspiring that it made this experience so much more meaningful than just watching a video or reading a book or just going to a weekend conference. God has gifted belah with a very special unique way of understanding so many of the educational, psychological, emotional, sexual and spiritual. components that impact marriages. And she is able to speak the truth in love. And with lots of laughter be a good coach by God’s grace to each person’s unique challenges.
10:11
But this is one of the things that think what will you read what he says? I’m trying to remember Oh,
10:20
I sorry.
10:22
Kind of like seeing all these guys. Oh, no, yes. What he says about, he think he thought that he did not belong in that group or something like that, me as a person that is not like my wife, Bella, she goes up there and talk to everyone, I am the opposite. I feel often sometimes I don’t belong in, in certain groups. But I feel like as you know, if you give us a chance, you know, the first one, the first time is, you know, I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not going to go there. But if, if we continue to keep, you know, going or doing or saying it, it’s, you know, you you become in a group in other people in, and you are not the only person that is feeling the same way that, that you don’t belong in that group. It’s not that you don’t belong, because, you know, some something negative or, or anything like that. It’s just one thing is our insecurity. Especially, you know, talk with myself that it’s, it’s hard to be for me being in groups. But once like, you know, I’m they’re just not stopped in talking just as you sit, start, start talking, and I don’t know, something changes. And in I feel like that, that group, and the person who always includes everyone, it helps me to loosen up and start sharing a lot of things that I thought would never share with, with with that group. You know, and we often I often, you know, feel that way. And, you know, you I meet amazing people, sometimes when we go groups that I thought I’m the only one who has the problem. And it turns out that other people had even worse. And that’s when he No, that’s when I’m like, oh, man, I’m feel sorry for you know, for the person. And it’s not about me anymore things about everybody. And if I had a, okay, somebody got worse, or somebody got a little better than me, but it’s, you know, everybody’s trying to get help. Yeah, we are. It’s not like a competition. You know, everybody’s reason why it being a group is for for help to be better for your spouse. Yeah, that’s what I think, Well, honey,
13:13
I just have to add that this was going way better than I thought. Thank you for all of your additions. squeeze my hand if you want me to stop at any time now. You have wonderful thoughts. Okay, so last last comments from Stu, he said, I no longer have to feel guilty for being so needy, waiting for my wife to fulfill her monthly sexual obligation to her husband. Our sexual intimacy is no longer just an activity that is so easy for me to just enjoy but difficult for her. But it’s now much more a joyful frequent outpouring of our wholehearted unconditional love for each other.
13:53
Wow. I feel like when you say those words, it’s it says a lot you know, when when somebody asks you Hey, how are you? Oh, we’re okay. We’re okay. I feel like when somebody said we are okay, it’s it’s just you’re you’re you’re getting through but when you say oh, you know this husband’s and all those words. Those words means a lot and let you not just you know, words I feel like everything that he says and put up there with words. I feel like it speaks so much. Yeah, of just words. It’s I don’t know. It’s incredible words that the you know, how you take it.
14:48
I love it. So good. Yes. Okay, well, let’s talk about Carmen then and feel free. Just tell me if you want me to stop. Okay, so their biggest marital struggles.
14:59
On now hold on. Wow, exciting, comfortable. What else? Do you want to say? No, no, no. Just excited to hear this other person.
15:08
Oh my gosh, I know, these are all new stories for you. Okay. Wow. So his biggest marital struggle, my wife never seemed to have any desire for our intimacy, we were at the point, we could talk about it quite freely and tried a couple different things. But nothing seemed to work for us. Also my wife’s family of origin. And I know they had some really challenging stuff with her family of origin. So it’s hard to feel like your wife doesn’t have any desire for sex hard not to feel rejected. Family of Origin stuff difficult because my wife’s Miss inter, my wife misinterprets a lot of my actions and has been super defensive around me. We keep finding out it’s because of how her mom treated her. Also, having kids makes us talk about what happened in her childhood that we’re going to do differently now.
16:00
Also having kids childhood.
16:06
Yes. So that’s, that’s where they started, lack of desire, and then just really a lot of defensiveness. Okay, so then,
16:16
she’s like, Yeah, sorry. I keep thinking about i, this could be my mind when he says that. Was it the way that she was raised or something like that. And I feel like we’re often if not, every single time, we act, the way that we, you know, how our mothers or father how they, how they taught us, and sometimes in natural comes, comes out our parents, whether the way that we we act certain things or we say with certain things to our spouse, or, or kids. I speak with myself that, you know, with my, my parents, it’s, it’s a mess. I mean, now they’re old, very old, very, very old. But I feel like, there was always there was always tension and afraid, afraid to do something or afraid to say something. And, and feel like, that’s not why why would you want a spouse that feel that way? Afraid to say or do something, I feel like it’s another spouse to feel free with you to say, you know, whatever you’re feeling. But, you know, I understand that sometimes we, we do or say because of our childhood, the way that we’re our parents are raises. And they see him as the other the other person that the other story that says, do this do that? I forgot. But what he said about his, his kids, you know, and a lot of things. We, we started finding out, you know, I had this way because my mom, you know, or my dad I this way because my dad you know, just this.
18:43
Yeah, this does, it impacts us. And if we haven’t seen a good healthy marriage role modeled for us, it’s bound to impact our marriage. Absolutely. Yeah. So okay, so here’s what happened with Carmen. The set the biggest celebrations is, I think the time we had sex and couldn’t stop kissing, not even the underwear was all the way off. I’ve also noticed that my wife’s desires slowly changed. She has been making a ton of sexual jokes and comments the last couple of weeks, she seems to actually be enjoying initiating the last one or two times. Last night, she wore a thong for me for the first time in months. And she also asked for oral sex. Even though I didn’t know what to think about it. At first, my wife has made it clear that she just wants to be the one who initiates right now. Even though it looks like I’ll have to wait a while before I can also initiate some this is such an improvement. Just that she wants to initiate is amazing. I wouldn’t have dreamed of this happening three months ago, let alone that she would want to be the only one doing it. My wife told me a day or two ago that intimacy doesn’t feel like it did that it doesn’t feel like a demand anymore. Her re And then he said, Oh, we’re gonna add something.
20:05
I was gonna say when this this piles when the things that she does to her husband, I thought that were what our wives do to us in our eyes or we see them. It look natural. Right. But I learned that that is not maybe for a lot of people or less people, but I that is not natural takes a lot of mentality. You know, what you’re thinking you gotta you know, make sure you feel sexy enough? Yeah, it’s a lot of work to get to get there and show her husband. But when the wife, you know, does that and feels free to, you know, her husband to see her I think like, that’s, that’s amazing. And I so feel so those wives, you know, that the things when they do to their husbands? That it’s, it’s a lot of effort. And we should say thank you more often. Yes. We should be grateful more often. Even if nothing happens, I think
21:44
yes. Speaking of it, Carmen says I’m really, really thankful for this program, the feminine sex and connection sessions are going to help our marriage a ton. I’m also really thankful for the examples of how to thank my wife for sex, as well as say during I can tell my wife really likes that. Bravo, Carmen. Yes, she does. And then how is the program impacted? You You said I feel desired again, our sexual intimacy is getting more healthy, and I’m happier. Would you recommend it? I would, I would recommend it to a guy who’s really passionate about his marriage. But kick can’t quite figure out why things don’t seem to be working quite right. Regardless of what he tries in or out of the bedroom. Any final thoughts? He says Bella’s work is incredible and life changing. My wife didn’t seem to have any sexual desire for years. After taking this program. My wife is initiating and also enjoying sex again. I’m extremely impressed with the program.
22:49
Yeah, the one.
22:52
Isn’t that amazing?
22:53
That is amazing. I feel like when, when the husband says that their wife is been acting this way, or doing this way for years, or not doing nothing at all for years. I don’t know how I just I feel like a lot of respect for those husbands that this still looking for. You know, for an answer to get things better. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That’s so true. I feel like sometimes we try it again. And and then we get scare or which is just too much. It’s a lot of work. And we just, you know, forget it. Yes, but I am so grateful for those husbands that they’re still looking for. For the help.
23:48
Yes, yes. Okay, I’m excited for you to hear about Harold. That’s another name I just made up. Okay, so I’m just so excited that you get to hear these stories. Finally, is the first time that I hear the stories and wow, okay, so Harold. biggest struggles. Our marriage was bad. No dialogue. If more arguments than talk, zero intimacy for months, no positive perspective for the future.
24:22
See your intimacy for months. See her intimacy for months. Feel like this a lot. There’s a lot of ones.
24:36
I only laugh because I know the end of the story. Okay, controlling wife disrespectful. Everyone lived disrespectfully. In one word, our marriage was miserable. How were they these things negatively affecting his life. He said depressed mood, no connection with each other. Less than roommates. Life was only routine. No joy.
25:05
Less than roommates. Yeah. That was really bad. Less than roommates
25:15
life was only routine no joy. When once Can you imagine how often a wife with a disrespectful attitude needless to say no sex I felt miserable Do you want to know what happened in a very short amount of time?
25:38
Want to know what happened to me? When I feel like when you said I often see when the husband says controlling wife and I’m not putting all the pressure on the wives because not all the wives are the same way. Because I’ve seen a lot of husbands that they just trying to show off to be that man if you call a man to control the his wife, I feel like this week on his mind this person you know, when says controlling wife and when that happens and you feel and you live it’s it’s terrible in your house. I feel like as soon as I feel like a lot of people feel that way as soon as you put a step in that instead of the place your house or apartment or wherever you live. You feel ready that tension, you know inside and yeah, that’s so true. And then when in this and then when you go to work, right when you go to work queue for you if you focus on your work. You know your math, hey, you know, sometimes people escape to go to work to feel themselves better. Yeah. Especially when you’re hanging out with your, with your buddies with your guys in. And you know, those husbands that when we hang out with with guys who make a lot of jokes, and a lot of jokes. They’re not really respectful jokes about ladies. Or wives. Yeah, you know? I hear a lot.
27:25
Can I tell you the end of Harold’s story because I’m about to burst? Yes. For you to hear what happened to him. May I? Yes. Um, how have you okay? Okay, the biggest celebrations, he says, I love my wife with her mistakes. She is initiating about once a week. Can you believe this is the same story that we just said.
28:01
He says a low my wife when we hear mistakes, and before was there were less than a roommate less
28:08
than roommates. No intimacy for months. And now she’s initiating about once a week, she gives penny in a way that she never has done before. Ever. Wow. Um, and then this is funny. Because crazy. Yeah, I know. Right.
28:31
Wow. That’s crazy. That is crazy. But
28:34
I remember he said this during the course he says I was complaining about lacking mutuality for a long period of time. But just 10 days ago, I was able to share so called female intimacy and brought her to climax wonderful exclamation point. But he said my marriage has turned from a zero to a nine out of 10 within six months after I had taken the men’s masterclass course wild romance and then signed up for masculinity reclaimed. So basically what he did is he took the wild romance course. I guess it was six months ago, he went through that then he did the masterclass and join masculine reclaimed in the spring. So it’s his journey with delight. Your marriage has been six months. And he says, I’m definitely convinced now that is my responsibility first to love my wife. I can do this only in being connected to my Lord Jesus Christ. It was amazing.
29:38
That is amazing. I can only do this only with my Lord Jesus. Yeah, I would love his wife.
29:51
And Okay, a couple other details, or do you have more to say?
29:54
No, I’m just
29:55
kidding here. Those who says I would recommend it any husband at any time of his marriage, newly wed or married for 41 years, so he’s been married 4040 41
30:05
years? Yes,
30:07
yes. Wow. He says have all yours happily married or on the brink of divorce. The program contains so much wisdom detailed help in the way how to cope with your wife to react properly to her reactions. It gives detailed and comprehensible insights into the God made differences in body and soul between men and women. The core the the course is firmly based on biblical truth and the Gospel, guilt and sin between partners and before God is named as such. Through the grace of forgiveness. This is addressed the aim is to develop an atmosphere in marriage that enables a completely new togetherness. What is impressive is that coach Bella never slips into banalities or profanity, despite very intimate details that are described, her nomenclature is always precise and pure, which I thought that was very, very special for him to say, Yeah, because no one you know, no one unless they’re in the course really knows how I talk. works. But yeah, there he can vouch that I don’t start, you know, saying crazy things.
31:15
I think when you say is even 40 something years of marriage. Yeah. I feel like you know, when, when that reminds me when I met someone on the street, it was a grandma. And it was a young grandma. And she was, you know, tell me all the grandson daughter was there. And she said, Well, you know, know, me, I’m all you know, I’m just waiting for the next life. And I think this grandma probably will be, probably could be 60 The 60 But it looks like 50. And I feel like when she says about us, you know, just a mold and I can I’m just waiting for the for the next life, or something like that. And I feel like, what a waste for me, you know, I’m not you know, what a waste for me of thinking that way. About her? Because I feel like this. You know, this lady, you know, looks young and beautiful. Whoa, what do you think about your life that the you know, that’s it? That’s meaningless. I feel like it’s got a lot more. Yeah. You know, this person has been married for 40 years. I feel, you know, wonder how, yeah, how old is this person? And, and there’s, there’s so many is, I feel like it’s sad. You know, it’s like, what is it that is saying a day? What is this thing? I saw somewhere that it says a day without laugh? is a waste of time that day? Yeah, I don’t know.
33:23
Yeah. I mean, it’s an it’s a wonderful point, honey, because even think about for Harold, like he 41 years there on the, you know, lacking intimacy, less than roommate’s routine, no joy, like, why would he have? Why would he have any reason to hope it would change or change? And yet, here, he went on a journey. He trusted God for this process. And I mean, oh, yeah, this is incredible.
33:55
This is, uh, I feel like I’m, I’m way behind when I hear husbands to talk about God and, you know, Jesus, and always talk about that. And I feel like,
34:12
I don’t know, but I feel like they, they, they give their, their lives to, you know, to God. And I feel like this people are saints that, that they they don’t they don’t sing anymore. They don’t.
34:34
They don’t do or say bad things. They they’re just angels, because they’re talking about God and all those things. And I feel like, you know, you know, I don’t I don’t judge you know, myself about you know, or, or compare myself with other people. But it’s amazing to hear that they’re talking about God And Jesus and yeah, in love. That’s amazing, I think.
35:06
Yeah and actually that was one thing that I didn’t read but I already moved away from the screen but Harold really appreciated that that that it was so based around the Bible that you know that it was so biblically based Oh, this is what he said having had numerous Christian marriage counseling in the past I don’t hesitate for a moment to say that masculinity reclaim course has saved my marriage and has given me a new positive perspective for my wife marriage and my life in total in years to come. And which is the fundamental basis of the program it works because Jesus Christ is in the boat
35:50
see? See this amazing? I feel like when when when a lot of husbands when they say that saved my marriage. When they say save my marriage, I feel like they know where they’re heading or at least they that’s what I thought that they knew. That’s where they’re hitting. And me you know, in my pass, it is not fun to be in that spot. It is not fun. I feel like you’re you’re angry with God or you don’t want to know about God anymore. You don’t want to know you don’t want to know anything about God. Yes. You know and then you hear all these people talking about Jesus and then you’re suffering and you’re doing the right things you follow the rules and you you’re kind and then still you’re struggling in was seeing other people that are doing the opposite and they seem happy and we don’t understand and then we start running away from from Jesus you know, you know for my experience and if I pass and these people when they say that they save their marriage I feel like they must be in pain for so long yeah so angry for so long Yeah. So upset for so long disappointments for so long. And yet to hear this this stories that happens in their lives and I feel like that’s 111 seed one one see that it’s planted there and they can see if the you know when they had we were if they had kids and the neighbors and they’re friends and you know, we still sometimes make a lot a lot of mistakes, but we know that we know the other way and we can try to fix it or trying to be the other way. You know because you’ve been paying he been so angry for so long. I’ll set angry because you’re not you’re not happy. You’re not happy and sad. He is your son but angry like Carol’s angry. Yes, situation. Last question. And also the
38:21
are some of the others. I love what you’re saying because that’s that brings me to the next one Lenny, we’ll call him and unfortunately I’ll gotta be honest Tony I thought we were going to get through way more of these than we have time for so this will probably be
38:37
the last time you see I but I know
38:41
you had so many good insights to share and and I think that’s you i i am sure the the person listening would agree that you give such like heart to the words and clearly you are gifted in empathy and you can just put yourselves in their shoes and so I think it’s really beautiful to hear your yeah how you feel so Lenny is powerful you you may end up hearing Lenny’s story in a testimony like a video testimonial as well. But I’m just not connecting the name it’s going to be a different name. So just so you know the story you may hear again in a video testimonial if you go through the if you sign up and you look at some of those testimonials. Okay, so here is biggest marital struggle already this is a big one yes. So doozy All right
39:36
he says a big one a few like all at once you know people oh man
39:48
let me know I know I guess Yeah, I’m just so used to like the bad bad bad and then this like flip flop into incredible and anyway okay. Let’s talk about Lynnae. Biggest marital struggle struggles get ready. Alright, so intimacy emotional and physical as well as communication. physical intimacy was a problem because she had about attitude about it, and consistently rejected me 90% of the time when I would try to initiate
40:17
90% Yeah, that is every time. Yeah.
40:21
And if we did, quote, spend time together, she would usually have a bad and unenthusiastic attitude during it. She would be degrading and insulting about me verbally and non verbally during physical intimacy. To the point I was often emotionally afraid to even ask her to be with me. Oh, man, who? Yeah. To the point that he was afraid to ask. Yeah. He even said I had PTSD like symptoms, post traumatic stress disorder like symptoms pertaining to some of the things my wife had said and done to me over the years. Things around physical intimacy, memories of things she had said or done sometimes caused me to physically wince and gasp for breath. That was crazy. He says it was awful. And I was so broken and hurting. I would try to talk with her about the problems I tried to get her to open up about whatever it was about me that she hated. I tried to be vulnerable and tell her my heart about what I wanted our relationship and intimacy to be like her only complaint about me when I would ask was that she felt I wasn’t satisfied and why wouldn’t I just be happy with the way things were?
41:52
For the way things were? means not not happy? Because obviously he wasn’t happy. Oh, I can’t mention the words I mean, what the spouse has said I don’t know is
42:19
he said my sleep was ruined. Often frequently many days in a row I would go without sleeping just lying in bed awake my thoughts racing in downward spirals of depressive thinking about the hopeless situation I was in
42:38
us is it’s like yeah, like in when you’re when the weather depression anxiety comes? And then you stay in bed. And then you can sleep when you can sleep. There’s a lot of movies playing in your head that are not fun. A lot of things are not fun. And they just keep rolling in. You leaving in that story? Yeah. The fake story? Yeah.
43:17
He said I had I had a short fuse and would get upset easily. I had precious little patients about anything. I didn’t even like being around my family my wife or children. I preferred solitude except I didn’t really I hated everything about my life I didn’t even want to be alive I look to God and eternity as an escape my ticket out of this living hell I was living in I couldn’t love others as myself because I hated myself it was very bad
44:00
you here to didn’t want to leave your Haiti your life your children and wife
44:15
Yeah. Okay, I want to hear what happened.
44:21
Hold on one second. Got a process. Yeah, I feel like when you’re over talking with that person, in this one, one person. This is one single person that is share those things.
44:45
I cannot imagine how many millions of people feeling the same way right? Whether a little less, a lot more about their life. I feel like one This person talking about one life, you know that God created this human, beautiful human being in his own image, that beautiful person by year, we cannot see the beauty because the reasons have happens in our lives and our spouses, families is lost life. This person’s life. Yeah. That’s amazing that you get to see these things. And I get to hear now this stories, it’s incredible, you know, you just feel like, all these things just happen to us to me to whenever that person then we think that nobody else does. I feel because nobody talks about it. Yeah, who you want to talk about it? There’s nobody, right? At least that’s what we think. Right? Right. And whether it will be embarrassed to talk about it or not not have enough close friends. Because your you know, our friends are not not healthy way to, for us to share things. But I’m grateful that these these people, they have a spa that they can share the way that they’ve they felt in the way that they’re feeling now. Yeah. You know, I feel like this life is a it’s a son. It’s a father’s uncle and husband. I don’t know. I’m excited.
46:59
I know. I’m too excited. Okay. Can I tell you what happened with me? Yeah. All right. So about two thirds of the way into the program, I noticed some unusually good behavior for my wife in the area of physical intimacy, things I had been looking and longing for, for many years, things like she would do occasionally zero to two times per year. I wasn’t it wasn’t until about the last week of the course, after I had been noticing her consistent changes for three to four weeks that I finally realized. I have a new wife now. But not a new one. My old wife from when we were first married, was back.
47:39
Oh. Oh, that’s beautiful.
47:46
She had her passion, energy and enthusiasm, that enthusiasm back only now even better with some practice and a little more knowledge from experience over the last 13 years of marriage. 13 years. And he says I am finally starting to live the dream I had been hoping for for many years. I have my wife back she is my lover again.
48:15
How my wife back, huh. Starting to the leaving. What is it said again, started to leave the dream.
48:29
finally starting to live the dream I had been hoping for for many years.
48:34
Finally, having decided to live in the dream. Oh, yeah. That’s crazy. Um, you know, I’m trying to find my emotions. Tell me you know, I whether I crazy or it’s just, it’s just too too deep or too strong. too strong to, to this person. Set about you know what it was? And then what it is, it feels like it’s, it sounds like two different people. Yeah. Wait two different people. What’s the word this person? Please? Yet say that? Oh, that’s beautiful when he says that when you’re married. Now finally he’s got his wife back.
49:36
He says he says thank you. Oh, so I said any additional thoughts? He says Thank you. God saved my soul and he used Jesus to do it. God saved my marriage and used Bella to do it not saved in the sense that we would have got ever gotten divorced though the devil sure sent that thought across my mind enough times but saved it From a living, hellish nightmare, I was torment in ways and in what was at the time a very unfulfilling and stressful marriage. Outwardly, it looked fine and maybe good, or he said, and even good, but inwardly, my wife and I had very little to no emotional connection, and sex as the weather gauge was going really badly. I resented my wife and children and didn’t want to be around any of them. Sure, I did the things I was supposed to. But inside, I was all torn up and ruined. I was deeply hurting and struggling wanting to die for it to be over, till death do us part. And now I’m enjoying the present free from the weight of the past and hopeful of even greater things in the future,
50:46
free for the win in the past. Wow.
50:50
He said, I sleep better now than I did three months ago. I’m happier in my relationship with my wife, children and others at my work and church. I have a more positive outlook on the future. I’m more content. Oh, yeah, physical intimacy with my wife is better than it has ever been even compared to when we were first married.
51:11
Even when the first can’t marry? And he says
51:15
no, really. I hadn’t even dreamed it could be this good. She has become my dream. My wife again, my lover? I am.
51:27
I feel like Isn’t it crazy that it’s like a book that you use writing down those fairy tales. Everything looks beautiful. If if we put all those beautiful stories, right. But all the best stories are not in the book, all the beautiful stories, stories that no one struggles, all those things and excitement in their lives. But they know they were nobody will know that those fairy tales stories. It has something in the past that they’re no longer there anymore. Yeah. That’s this husbands. i i Thank you for staying with your wives. I thank you for being patient. Thank you, they still still win even when you’re angry to become your wife? Because we’re, I know, people recently, last couple days today that did not know that they’re they’re separated. And I just you know, it’s, it’s crazy. It is crazy. And they’re young. They’re young, you know, but then not that young. But I feel like where was all this stuff went? Where did it go? Ours is a man we we refuse to put the first step because we feel will look weak. I feel I’m just thank you for this husbands that they’re still looking for how to love their wives. Yeah, how to respect their wives. It I feel like just how to love their wives, talking about their wives. And a lot of them had kids, and will have kids and have babies. And I feel like that will be you will be in a you are an amazing. loving your wife. Yes. You know, that the way that you treat your your wife? The things that you said to your wife. I just thank you for all the stories and things that happened in your life. That you did not give up the hope that there’s there’s hope. Yeah. And you’re talking about, you know, Jesus, like, you know, like nothing happened. You know, if I didn’t hear your your struggles, I will think about you will never have those challenges. Right? But we all have those those moments, right? So I’m just grateful. And I thank you for for all those hard work to be your wife and children and friends. Does this amazing? That is amazing.
54:55
One of my favorite things that Darrow tells me sometimes is he just have sent me because I’m so proud of you. And that just makes me feel so good.
55:06
It’s I feel like sometimes when I said, I am so proud of you the things that you’re doing, you know, and I keep, you know, here, when I hear this husband about talking about life and in life, a human being a precious human being, and yeah. is crazy. Yeah. And, you know, wife, you know, the things that she takes, you know, a lot of times to prep, to be her 100%, for all of you. You know, as that’s amazing is not just come here, and then we all said it, it takes preparation, organizing and all those things, how to help. That’s the thing, how to help, you know, instead of the other way, but the word is how to help, how to help you how to help us as husbands. And I know I am lucky.
56:20
Well, the reason I was even saying that when you when you tell me I’m so proud of you. I feel like the listener just received a special Darrow. I’m so proud of you moment of you are doing a good job, right? I mean, that’s, well, yes. I feel like you encourage better than anyone I know. You just you know how to encourage. And
56:42
well, I’m so proud of you. And I thank you for what you’re doing.
56:47
Can I read the last three sentences here? Oh, and then we’ll wrap? Yes. Because I really was going to try to get through I don’t know how many more but lots more but we didn’t. And that means we got through as many as we needed to. Alright, so Linnaeus final thoughts here. As he said, I believe in this course content so much that I will be continuing to study it and master it even more. Practicing to perfect my execution to be the best husband, I can be to my wife. This is the part right? Oh, hi, me.
57:22
No, it’s amazing.
57:24
And then he Okay, so then,
57:27
can you read it? I can. Yeah,
57:29
I believe in this course content so much that I will be continuing to study it and master it even more. Practicing to perfect my execution to be the best husband I can be to my wife. And then this is the part that I think is just so powerful it goes I will be requiring my children to go through the appropriate men’s and women’s courses before I give my blessing for them to be married. It gets better and I will require the perspective spouse to believe there will be more I give my permission for them to marry my child. And just a note linea six children so
58:12
Oh, I keep thinking about one or two. No, no. Why your husband’s husband? That is incredible. And glad to hear those stories. I
58:30
know. I know. I don’t
58:31
get to hear that often. You know, because what my wife Yeah, you know, she only is professional where her work. And ungrateful to hear those stories. Isn’t that amazing?
58:46
That is amazing. Okay, so look at my spreadsheet all the pink ones were the ones I wanted to talk through.
58:55
I don’t think went through half but that’s okay. That’s what happens when I get excited and encouraged to say what I think let’s see I keep talking oh well but anyway, I think this is
59:14
do you want to thank you do like a final prayer for the person listening
59:19
I can pray for Your Father I thank you for every in each husbands they’re out there living their lives. Cut I thank you for those people that they do not lose hope in those people got that they’re out there that they’re struggling gotta pray that they would they would find a hope that there’s something that they can do God that is not the end of their friendship relationship. gathers families symbols Children’s I pray that you bless them, giving them the wisdom and the passion to love one another for their amazing wife Scott that wanted to love their their husbands. I thank you for every and sing every single one cat that whatever they go there they will see you they’ll see your image through them God that people start asking questions about what’s what’s happening with this new people gotta pray that you protect them, you bless them. God when we have some challenges that we know would come to you. Okay, thank you for everything you have done. Bless every single family in this earth. That those people that will spread the word. Tell us spread the word gather they will, they will come. They don’t see the hope. God bless them In Jesus mighty name. Amen.
1:01:07
Amen. Amen. Such a beautiful prayer about hope. And that’s so true. I absolutely hope that if you’re listening, and that has been that you’re in a similar spot as some of these men, I hope that this episode has given you some hope that there is reason for hope for you. So your next step is to go to delight your marriage.com/masterclass Sign up for this free masterclass, don’t let it run by you don’t let it pass you by. And then you get the principles that I teach in this by God’s grace, life changing course. You can get it for free. There’s no reason not to be signed up for this. And if God has served you in this episode, if past episodes you know, we only went through the ones that graduated just a few weeks ago. You know, it’s not, it’s not the entirety of all of the Mr. Graduates because that would take much longer. So this can happen for you. It just happened in these last three months. It could happen for you. I mean, by the end of the fall, you know, that’s my prayer for you. Anyway, so join us to let your marriage.com/masterclass Honey thank you so much for doing this.
1:02:28
Thank you for letting me hear this stories.
1:02:30
Oh, amazing. All right. Love you and love you listener Thank you, God bless talk to you soon.
1:03:05
Full of mud stuff that can’t get out of the month and then walking through red carpet. Because it reminds me like the before and after like before and after. Like what are you walking over? You know you don’t know what I’ve been through so that is amazing. Thank you. So you were you’re surprised I was very surprised for you 40 something years of marry marry. Yeah. Not that they’re 40 Some years married for
1:03:42
1980 years when they got married
1:03:46
it’s many numbers but
1:03:48
4041 years
1:03:52
and the less than a roommates your roommates okay even if you’re you know disagreements but less than a roommate and the people that are twin is life that was crazy Yes, I was surprised so please keep thinking about is that you know when you’re like stuck in mud and you can’t get out got to fight all this things. Sometimes just keep up and that’s it that’s the end. Wow, forget her body. You know, and then little by little retire you’re angry you’re upset. And then to walk in, you know, set a red carpet and like one of these guys the one so almost because if you knew Yeah, that’s what I had that thing.
1:05:07
This beautiful image.
1:05:09
Security image, right? Yeah. Tell me you and then you’re thinking about it.
1:05:13
Yeah. It’s like they were in this horrible place of mud and frustrated, angry. That’s good. That’s a really good way of describing or a lot of these men start from. Like, even as I’m reading some of the responses to a lot of the stuff. I’m just like, they’re in such pain and such frustration and such exhaustion. Tired, angry? Absolutely. Lonely. All of these things.
1:05:44
Yeah. Yeah, I was very surprised.
1:05:48
Like, I see these things. And that’s why it’s kind of like, you’re very surprised. Go ahead. Good. Yeah.
1:05:52
He’s very surprised at everything. You read to me, this was some sometimes I ask you to read twice, so I can understand. Yeah. But no. It’s crazy.
1:06:08
Just reading some of these. You know, these the stuff that people are submitting right now as part of the masterclass and I’m responding to, and the team’s responding to and stuff and just like I’m so grateful they’re doing the masterclass, you know, and because I know where they are right now. It’s, it’s just like these guys that you just got to hear like, they’re in the same same types of situations and
1:06:38
yes, crazy. And they say, you know, just these people. Imagine. I know, I’m so excited. Thank you for this first, I was like, maybe slay we can do it tomorrow. But no, as long as you keep reading, you know, start thinking that like sucks. Yeah. And then like, what? It’s crazy. Yeah, it’s so crazy. Yeah, that’s what I keep thinking about this picture in my mind. Well, there’s people trying to get out you know, and a lot of them feel like they cannot get out and retire. People just trying to get out and then you know, they’re still stuck in the mud. But like, what is this? Okay. Let’s, let’s do some work on this amazing, cool work.
1:08:04
Thank God, it is really like a lot of their comments. I’m just, you know, I’m just, I’m so grateful. I’m so so grateful. And, you know, you could hear a lot of them are either marriage professionals or pastors or, you know, it’s just incredible.
1:08:20
And we think that they’re well trained who say that?
1:08:24
Yeah. And they you know, they are they’re important you know, they’ve got tons of insights there. Right awesome, awesome stuff you know,
1:08:33
but we don’t think about they’re struggling Yeah, you know, we think like we’re all just struggling we go through this people we don’t know that Yeah. Through
1:08:44
which is is so unfair, you know, where do they go for help where do the leaders because that’s the thing that I see so often is a lot of these guys are they disciple other men? Are there the leaders in their churches are there the and then like you said, they’re, they’re going through hell on their own. You know, doors are closed and they’re suffering you know, it’s so happy Well, thanks again.
1:09:13
Yeah. Anything else? Any other thoughts? Marches kicked in when you don’t keep stock of this stock this person that is depressing. This person I think he says that oh, he put a beautiful she got his wife back. Just incredible.
1:09:50
I had to yell at Lynnae sometimes. There are a couple times I was like, Are we still friends?
1:09:58
But afterwards No, he said To me, because he had some really exciting experiences. I was trying to pull it up while we were talking. I was like, No, I don’t want to distract us from Yes. Because they were, they were just so many things. But when I went to interview him, he was like, anything that I have written, you can use, like throughout the whole course. And I was like, okay, that’s very kind of you. Nice. Yeah, the whole thing is just, well, anything else?
1:10:26
No, me. I can keep going to the things that you share. Yeah, things that, you know, that you get to witness. I know. I know. That’s to witness.
1:10:41
That’s the thing every day I get to see miracles. It’s like, these are miracles. These are these are legitimate miracles. We have a gentleman who, less than roommates, and now she’s initiating and Penny and enjoying and let you know, like, no one’s visited all of these like, and she these are miracles
1:11:03
ask for a penny. Right? No, like that is that is I feel like it’s this explosion of roses. Not fire. Yeah, you know, is crazy. And I know that. For wife to do all those things. For husbands. It takes a lot. A lot of work in your mind. Yeah. We seen that. It’s just, it’s fine. That what what do you think about work is it looks great. Fine, but we don’t think there’s a wife shares. Yeah, those things. Yeah. Thanks, babe. All right.
1:11:50
Thank you so much. All right. Last question for you. Is I kept recording can I use this as well?
1:11:59
But do you mean it kept recording
1:12:01
kept recording the hours at
1:12:04
this point mean? Yeah, you can use it. You know, mine was I don’t know what else. I don’t know what. I think it was good stuff, but it was a great stuff. Okay. All right. That’s it. All right. Love you. Thanks again. You were tricked.