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Do not let the sun go down on  your anger IS a scripture.

But for us go-getters it often feels like an argument has to get settled before any of us go to sleep.

So there we are, fighting about sex at 12am and wondering why the conversation didn’t make both of us feel warm and connected?

My encouragement is to feel the anger (which probably is just hurt covered over by anger) and choose to take a break. Feel the feelings with God. Let them go. Forgive her. Forgive him.

And… as the scripture actually reads:  “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger”.

And get a good night’s rest. Then be wise about how to have a real and connecting conversation in the future that moves the ball forward.

Short and sweet today. But hopefully powerful for you!

Blessings,

Belah

PS – If you’d like some free downloads check them here: delightyourmarriage.com/free 

PPS – We’re hiring!

I’m looking for an awesome part time Tech person who loves Jesus and DYM — who knows about online business-type apps, integrations, and basically the stuff I don’t 🙂 And that you love tech!

You’ll be trained on our particular tools, our tech team and I currently use, but I’d like you to come with some fantastic skills to bring to the table!

You’ll be joining an amazing team and have the opportunity to use your skills and passion to truly impact lives around the world for the Kingdom!

Send an email to belah@delightyourmarriage.com and we can send you more details. <3

transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about delight your marriage. Hi, there, it’s belah. Listen, I want to thank you so much for diving in today. First thing is I’ve got a lot of resources that you may or may not know that I have for you at delight your marriage.com/free. And when you get on my email list, you’ll be able to get those downloads and the email list just means that you get to have a quick notification that I have a new podcast out and maybe I’ve got something that’s exciting coming up a free masterclass or free this or that that I want to invite you to. So when you sign up, at delete your marriage.com/free, not only are you going to get some great resources to potentially change the trajectory of your marriage, but also, you’ll continue to get some some new stuff from me. So I want to encourage you to do that. But let’s talk about letting the sun go down on your anger. So if you’re a go getter, like a lot of us are, then you may be at a spot where you know that verse Ephesians 426, that says, part of it is do not let the sun go down on your anger. And so you may have an issue that came up at night, maybe it’s around sex, because often issues come up around sex at night. And you may feel like well, there was some discord and kind of an argument started and you’re kind of getting angry and you don’t want to go to sleep angry. So you guys need to work this out before you go to sleep. And especially with your nature of being a go getter, you might be kind of pushing into getting this thing worked out before you go to sleep. And I would like to encourage you to interpret the Scripture just a hair differently, a little tweak, as, don’t let the sun go down on your anger being not fight it out before you go to sleep. But give your anger to God. Forgive your wife before you go to sleep. But don’t have a big argument at night. Decide in your heart that okay, I’m getting angry, I’m getting upset. Why don’t we pause here honey, can we can we take a break? I love you. I know you love me, but I’m getting a little upset. And maybe we need to find another time where we’re in a better spot to talk about this. So that then is allowing peace to rain in your home. And so what I would invite you to do is give your anger to God and decide, okay, yeah, we had a hard interaction, something happened that provoked anger in me, but you know what, I’m going to give that to God. I’m gonna forgive her. She’s still my wife. He’s still my husband. I’m gonna allow us to rest and then wake up fresh, and still be in love with each other because we didn’t just hash it out all night long. And when we wake up fresh, we can have another conversation, maybe not first thing in the morning, maybe later on the day, maybe the next day. Because studies even show that your you know, your body does a lot while you’re sleeping. It freshens everything. It clears away all the kind of the brain. Waste products that happen throughout the day, it cleans it you know, when your mornings are so special. They’re so precious. I love mornings because your mind is freshest. And you even have study show the most willpower first thing in the morning. And that’s why you know kind of goes down throughout the day until the evening it gets hardest and that’s why there’s so much people binging on on carbs and sugar at night because they’re exhausted by all of the kind of restraint and so don’t don’t allow a conversation to happen late at night, it just you don’t it doesn’t have to. You can you can pause anything that’s getting angry and and decide we can always have this conversation another time honey, I didn’t mean to make us upset. Just apologize. That’s okay. And then you can circle back to it later. There’s always opportunity when both of you are fresh.

5:00
A lot of times, arguments need to just be paused. And, and figured out another time. It’s usually most of the time not a true emergency. Almost always an argument is not a true emergency. That has to be hashed down, hashed out, right, while we’re in the midst of it, but emotions make us think it’s an emergency, but it’s not. And it’ll just harm the both of you. So yeah, go to sleep. While an argument has not been resolved, that’s okay. And in fact, that’s probably healthier, and better and going to provoke more peace and joy and goodness in your marriage. And approach conversations when both of you are at your best. And you can actually handle tough conversations in a good way, in a patient way, in a loving way. So you’re not harming each other, and hurting each other. Instead, you’re, you’re loving on each other, and you are able to have the emotional strength, you know, the energy, right, it takes a lot of energy to listen to someone really hard, right? Takes a lot of energy to do that. So don’t, don’t do that, in the midst of an argument right? Before bed, especially around sex, like both of you are at your worst. So just wait, wait on that. Give it to God, go to God with your anger and hurt and pain. And in journal walk in the other room, if you have to. I’ve been there, you know, we need to put space. get God to help, you know, help us with our wounds. It doesn’t mean that our spouse needs to get the worst of us in the middle of the night. So I encourage that this is a very quick episode. But I think it’s something that we all need to learn through. Just being consistent that we can give our frustrations and our disappointments to God. And we can also feel our disappointments. We don’t have to shove them aside. We can feel them. We can ask God to help us. And you know, joy comes with the morning. So I encourage you in that Lord, I asked for this person listening that though this is just a quick comment, but maybe something that they needed. Maybe they needed to understand that their anger and their pain and their disappointment and hurt can go to you. It doesn’t have to be poured out on their spouse, especially at night. So I pray God that this would be an investment in the health and love and peace and joy of their marriage and their family. In Jesus name. Amen. Okay, God bless you. If, if you’d like some free resources, you can go to delight your marriage.com/free and receive those God bless. Talk to you soon. Oh my goodness, I didn’t realize I could add this to a podcast. So I’m gonna send this out as an email as well. But we’re looking for a tech person part time. And if you or you know somebody who loves the podcast, I’d love to hear from you. So you can send an email at belah at delight your marriage.com That’s B E L H at delay marriage.com. And this is somebody who again loves the podcast and is familiar with internet technology and applications and integrations and kind of back end stuff and super organized and super effective and yeah, we’d love to hear from you so belah at delight your marriage.com God bless