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Two brothers were at the playground the other day.
I was talking to their mom. This happens to be a beautiful playground with a huge fountain and amazing monkey bars, places to run, sand, swings, ride-on toys, and loads of other kids to play with.
But guess what these two did? They fought over the same circular “stool” to stand on!
The mom and I laughed. With everything available for them to do, THAT is what they had to fight about.
Then I think about God.
We get into squabbles with our spouses. Over…
Who told the story most correctly, who knows the quickest way to the store, what they really meant by that phrase, whether or not they’re late, who squishes the toothpaste out correctly…
Oh…
Higher than the heavens are above the earth are His thoughts higher than our thoughts, are His ways higher than our ways.
God have mercy!
May we get it right…get into God’s will for us.
That starts with the fear of the Lord.
The fear of the Lord puts our lives, habits, tiny things we do, and ways of being into the perspective of eternity.
I talk about how vital it is to get into the Word in order to see things correctly.
We can have absolute faith in the Word when we pursue people who have studied this. In fact, many people who started as atheists studied it and became Christians. The discipline is called “Apologetics” and I encourage you to pursue it to bolster your faith and then get on with what God wants you to do in this world.
…And let me tell you it doesn’t include squabbles about toothpaste (or other things that are at that level of small, childish thinking.)
Listen in for perspective shifts and encouragement.
Blessings,
Belah
PS – Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to have a Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor to get help for your marriage right away!
transcript
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi, there, this is Bella, thank you so much for joining me, I’m just always so honored that even one person would listen to the podcast much less. You. I know you were very special in God’s eyes. And the fact that you spend some time with me each week or even just right now I’m honored and grateful. So I hope you smile on the inside or even on your face about how honored I am. That we’re speaking together right now. Okay, so I have been looking in while I love the Bible, and I hope that’s something that inspires you to start loving the Bible as well. Because it really does make a huge difference. Huge, huge. It truly is the word of God. And in Jesus called it that, you know, he was talking about the Old Testament when he talked about the Word of God. So I’ve been, you know, I really love proverbs as one example. But I’ve been really in the gospels recently. And so encourage that, sorry, let me do a quick intro is just that I’ll be talking about the fear of the Lord today and how that informs your marriage and how that is actually a very helpful thing for you, right now, today. So let’s dive into that. Before I do, do let your marriage.com/cc that’s the link to get on a call with a clarity advisor, this is a $300 value for free for you. And you’ll have a form to fill out. And if we think you’re the right fit, then we’ll go ahead and have a call with you. If not, then we’ll see if we can put you in the right place to to help you but these clarity advisors are trained by me, they also have gone through the program themselves, and by God’s grace have witnessed in their own lives amazing transformation. So I’m hopeful that if you take some courage, get on a call with someone who I trust. And they would be able to invite you into a place that that could truly transform your marriage completely by God’s grace. All right, so let’s dive in.
2:50
So every morning, I have a pretty intense morning routine. And I used to think it takes like 45 minutes or something, but it actually takes two hours. It is so good. It’s taken a while to perfect, if you will. And the whole idea started with a book. And kind of like a Facebook community, as well called the Miracle Morning. And it really is all about the most successful people that you know, the world called successful. They really have morning routines and rituals and and it’s Hal Elrod, and I do encouragement. I’m not sure if he’s a Christian, but there’s a lot of Christian principles in his stuff. And I think it might be anyway, Jesus did pray in the morning. While it was still dark, he got up and did his time with Jesus. And so I encourage you, if you don’t have something in your life yet that is really focused on connection with Jesus every morning. I want you to put that in your life. I want you to get that. And so for me what my morning routine looks like is I get started no matter if I woke up after a weird dream and I’m not feeling great and it’s maybe rainy out or what have you. I just sit in the same spot. I grab my coffee, I have my water and I write in my journal. I don’t have my phone. I don’t even look at my phone. Until sometimes even after work, I don’t even look at my phone. Definitely not before my routine sometimes before work starts but anyway, so a phone is nowhere near where I am. And also, just so you know, as a discipline, all of my notifications are off of my phone. The only way someone can get ahold of me in just a pop up is if somebody actually calls me Okay, totally aside. I sit and handwrite out at least 10, gratitudes and 10. Because I have to discipline my mind to get there. Sometimes the first three are the same ones, my coffee, the view, the fact that my kids are healthy and strong, you know, something like that. And then slowly, I just continue to redirect my mind over and over and over again to what I’m grateful for. And it can be really practical things. And it can be really spiritual things. And it can be really amazing qualities of who God is to me. But then I can just zoom it back down on the fact that I have a pen in my hand and the fact that I’m able to breathe air without pain, the fact that I’m not in jail, it just goes on and on and on. And sometimes, you know, if, after 10, I’m, I want to keep going, because I feel like things are a little tough in my heart right now. And then I keep going 1015 2030 I just keep it up until my heart has changed into gratitude. Because God has given me far too much to allow my heart to slip into despair. It’s just the joy of the Lord is my strength. And so this is my practical way of saying, listen, so why are you downcast? We need to get back on the boat and realize that God is good all the time. In every circumstance, God is good. So that’s, that’s the first part of my routine. And then the second one is to pray a prayer. And it’s an acronym, fellowship. And the first letter means to pray for the fear of the Lord. And there are so many scriptures about the fear of the Lord. And I literally even just right now, I opened my Bible to Proverbs, the spread of Proverbs 14 to Proverbs 16. And there are just so many scriptures about the fear of the Lord. And here I’ll just pick out the ones that I happen to, to lay my eyes on. Verse 26, for 1426, in the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have refuge. The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death. Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, than great treasure and trouble with it. And that was verse 1615, verse 16, verse 15, verse 33, the fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor. And then chapter 16, verse six, by steadfast love and faithfulness.
8:01
iniquity is atone for and by the fear of the Lord one turns away from evil. And this one is a little I love this verse 1616, how much better to get wisdom than gold exclamation boy, to get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver? Oh my gosh, if only our culture felt that way. Okay, so the point of that is the fear of the Lord matters. And there’s plenty more verses about the fear of the Lord, and how important it is. And I just wonder if you feel that you have a fear of the Lord? Is there a fear of the Lord in you? Because I want that Proverbs talks about it is the beginning of wisdom, the fear of the Lord.
8:56
You know, I think we are often in this place of, if something makes sense to me, I believe it as though I am the I Am the measure of truth, I am the one that gets to say it’s true or not true.
9:18
But that’s not the way we actually should be approaching the Bible. The word of God we should be approaching it with Your Word is true. And, and I get to discern, I get to I get to discover you know, but I don’t get to judge and say that this was right or this was wrong God, you should or shouldn’t have done that. I don’t get to judge God. He’s God I I’m the the clay he’s the potter What do I do I turn around and and say you you shouldn’t have done that. You you can’t do that. You know, the The thing is, I get to trust His nature no matter what. And I get to fear him. Jesus says in Matthew 1026, so have no fear of them. For nothing is covered that will not be revealed or hidden, that will not be known. When I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the house tops, and do not fear those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body and Hell Are not two sparrows sold for a penny, and not one of them will fall to the ground, apart from your father. But even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore you are of more value than many sparrows. So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before My Father who is in heaven, but whoever denies Me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven. So fearing God is absolutely aligned with Jesus, we’ve got that. I mean, that is his mindset. Fear God, not fear, man. Don’t fear man for judging the way you feel about God, don’t fear man for anything, anything. But here’s the beauty of God is when we fear him. We also we’re acknowledging his power. But we’re also acknowledging his ability to love us, even though he’s so powerful and mighty. Because in verse 30, it says, but even the hairs on your head are all numbered, fear not, therefore, you’re of more value than many sparrows. So what that means to me is that you do fear God, that is a discipline, that’s something you want to cultivate is the fear of the Lord. It’s something you want to pray for. It’s something you want to recognize in our culture. There is not a fear of the Lord, even in church culture, often there is not a fear of the Lord. It is all about our feelings and all about what we think is right and wrong. And it’s like, listen, I didn’t make up the rules. I didn’t make up the earth. I didn’t make myself. God did. And he can destroy it. And he can set this world up and the afterlife up the way he wanted to, and the way he wants to. I get to trust him. And I get to trust Jesus in what he says. And is my job to fear him, not fear man. Why do I think that this is relevant to your marriage? Well, when you are thinking as small, as most people in the world are thinking, they’re thinking about what serves them? And what makes them most comfortable? And how can I satisfy my small dis comforts? How do I fix this or fix that? Or how can I be most served in my marriage? Or I just want to challenge you that that is small minded thinking. So I have the privilege of hearing the arguments that people have with their spouse, spouses and even arguments that ultimately end in divorce because of one squabble over another squabble, and another squabble and another, and the elevation of the fear of the Lord causes us to have a completely different perspective on what matters in our marriage, and in our life. And so if we are consumed with God’s perspective on our lives, it really doesn’t matter how the toothpaste is squished out, it just doesn’t. And so there’s no reason to bring that up to your spouse because if you prefer it one way or the other great, you can squish it out your way but it really doesn’t matter. So if you are consumed with frustrations around your spouse that are literally of no eternal consequence at all.
15:05
I want you to take a really good look in the mirror and call yourself out for being immature. I’ve had to do that to myself. And at the moment that the frustration happens, don’t say it out loud. Give yourself time to get some sense talked into yourself to say, Wait a second, this doesn’t matter. Oh, yeah, I recognize that this is temporary, this world is temporary. It’s not my home, I remember that my job is to attract my spouse towards Jesus. And I can do that by making sure there is peace in my home, making sure I love my spouse the way that they receive love. And I’ve got lots of episodes to teach you how to do that. But keep the fear of the Lord central to the way you interact with your spouse. So that there is not a underlying, we’ve got all these issues to work through. No, most of those issues are things you let go and forgive and recognize this, this just isn’t important. I want my spouse to be clean and white and a beautiful bride before Jesus. And it’s my opportunity to love them well and attract them towards Jesus. That’s my goal. When I interact with my spouse, it’s not so that they’re going to do something back for me, it’s so that I can love them so well, that they are just totally freed up in every way to love Jesus better and to love Jesus more. When they feel unconditionally loved by you, they have an opportunity to become different. And when they’re fulfilled in their heart, and they don’t any more have to push against you and your judgments and your control and your critiques. Now they have an opportunity to look at things rightly and say, Oh, I wonder, I wonder what else there could be? I wonder. So give space to your marriage, in a way of peace, in a way of thinking, that is not so small minded, that is not so self centered, that is not so immature. I have been there so I can tell you those things. But truly, see if God wants you to have a completely different mindset in your marriage. One, that base is the way you think off of the fear of the Lord. And you know, he’s the safest place, the fear of the Lord. Your own children will have refuge if you fear the Lord. That’s what it says. Proverbs 1426. When you fear the right, the right thing. You get to enjoy God’s love. You get to enjoy daddy, who has care so much that he cares about how many hairs on your head there are like That’s how much he cares. But you don’t get to enjoy the goodness of God. Without the fear of God. It doesn’t make any sense. That God is not one that we just get to enjoy without recognizing the fear. He is his grace and mercy and goodness that he doesn’t consume us with fire, for our rebellion, for our our doubt and for our sin in the ways that we have trespassed against him and for the ways that we have shied away from truth and being bold. So again, verse 10, sorry, chapter 10, verse 26, Matthew. So have no fear of them for nothing is covered that will not be revealed or hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered proclaim on their house tops, and do not fear those who kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
20:03
And yet he loves you. And yet he loves you You are worth more than many sparrows, he notices, even if a sparrow falls off the tree, he notices he knows about it, how much more he cares about you. So you’ve got the God of the universe on your side, if you choose. If you choose to come to Him, He comes near to you. We can stand on the Word, we can have confidence, when we are aligned with scripture, when we trust that Jesus said, this was the Word of God. And you know, I want to challenge you, if you are having trouble seeing the Bible as the Word of God, there are people who are very, very passionate about those topics, and can absolutely help you get to the other side of that. The the discipline of that is called apologetics. And it is important for us as Christians to really understand why we believe it. What, what does our faith stand on? Because yeah, it’s easy to hear other people’s philosophies and other ways of thinking and be like, Oh, no, what if, what if, what if there’s a great book, who was actually from a gentleman who was born Muslim and, and his parents were actually Muslim missionaries. And he was so strong in it, like he knew, and did all the Muslim practices. And by God’s grace, he started arguing with a Christian who knew his stuff and was very, very well versed in why Christianity is true. And they would just argue and argue and argue and argue and argue, and back and forth, and back and forth. And until God opened his eyes, to see the truth of Jesus, and he wrote this incredible book, seeking Allah, finding Jesus. And I encourage you to read it. Not only that, there are lots of books, from people who used to be atheist. And they have dedicated their life to searching out the truth. And then they kind of let us go with them in their book. So I’m reading a book with my boys. At night, one of our books that we read at night, Cold Case Christianity for kids. And again, this started out as a gentleman who was an atheist, and he did, and he was a real detective who is used to crime scenes and those sorts of things. And he applied that skill set to finding out if God was real, and he started as an atheist, and, but those are the kinds of books that we’re reading, and that we’re seeking out and just search about Christian apologetics to really get stronger in the that, that the Bible is real and true. You can stand on the Word of God, you can rely on it, the power of God comes through those pages, and read it, read the Word of God have really phenomenal resources to help you to get some real backing to your faith. Because you need the huts and then get on with doing God’s will for your life. Because the Bible is trustworthy and you can get so much from it. But I think we as Christians, so often we debilitate ourselves, we take away the power of Christianity, because we’re not sure we can trust the Bible. And the problem is, the Bible is the Word of God. And so you discover who Jesus is you discover the power of God and then the miracles get to happen when you stand on the Bible, when you stand on the Word of God. When you pray, according to it, when you live according to it, your your life starts to be fiery and exciting and full of purpose and pursuit of Jesus. So those those are the thoughts there. Let me tie this to your marriage. When you are more aligned with Jesus when you are more aligned with his will for you. The little things just stop mattering you stop bickering about where the toothpaste is, or did you vacuum yesterday like you said you were going to or oh my gosh, the yard looks ridiculous. You know, why don’t you shovel these areas? Or why can’t you do that? Or, you know, gosh, it looks like you gain some weight or these things do not matter. When you’re looking in life. of eternity when you are consumed with the fear of the Lord.
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You realize, Oh my gosh, what a small way of thinking, what a very small way of thinking I have had. And that should lead us to repentance. Because it truly is small. Ours self righteousness, our anger, our pursuing our own way in our marriage, it becomes very small. When we get God’s perspective on things, when we start really fearing the Lord, and we stop getting consumed with oh, do I look okay in front of humans, because you fear men’s judgments? Or women’s judgments? Right? Same difference. That’s, that’s the problem. When we start putting humans and their opinions above gods and his opinions, verse I read today, which was very good. John 12, verse 42. So this is Jesus. Talking about Well, let’s start in 37. It says, 36, when Jesus had said these things, he departed and hid himself from them. Though he had done so many signs before them, they still did not believe in him. Okay, now let’s skip down to 42. Many, even of the authorities believed in him, but for the fear of the Pharisees, they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue. For they loved the glory that comes from man, more than the glory that comes from God. So this is powerful stuff. These guys watched Jesus, change the earth, right? They, they watched him walk around, speak with authority, preach with power, heal the sick, do mighty mighty miracles. And they believed, but for fear of the Pharisees, they did not confess it. Because they didn’t want to be thrown out of the club. Right? For they love the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God. May that grieve us, may that grieve us and convict us that we not be concerned with the glory that comes from man. But instead the glory that comes from God because you know what this life is, but a vapor here today gone tomorrow. Even the glory of man is like a little tiny, itty bitty flower in the field of a bazillion flowers, just one. And it comes up for a moment and then it’s dead after that. That’s the best we could ever do is that tiny little flower? Would that please put our lives in perspective that all we want to do? All I want to do all I hope that you want to do is accomplish your tiny little sliver in God’s story in God’s plan, may we be obedient, may I just sweep the little portion of the street in God’s holy city. I just want my little part of the street to be as beautiful and wonderful, imperfect and excellent. I just want to make God proud of my tiny little thing I’m responsible for. And when I look at my life that way, that’s when my tiny little habits matter. That’s when I realized that if I don’t get it right, to go to sleep on time, to do my night routine, to wake up on time to do my morning gratefulness to pray to then do my prayer list. That’s my next thing after I do the prayers, my prayer list, which is the people I feel that are in my assignment that I need to pray for. It’s not that long of a list, but I do pray for them. Every time I do my morning routine most days after that I do visualizations the things that I am trusting God for that I have discerned I think are in God’s will. And I visualize them because that grows my faith. And then I do face statements where I say aloud the things I believe are true of me and I want to be true or of me about my identity about who I am in Christ. So that’s my morning routine. So when I am more strict about my morning routine that is when I know I’m living this life excellently in in the fear of God, that that my tiny little movements are lifted thing with recognition of the holy, that his eyes are on me and my little tiny disciplines matter to him, and show him that I love him.
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John 1415 If you love me, you will keep My commandments. If you love me, you will keep My commandments. And then it continues, and I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper to be with you forever, even the Spirit of Truth him the world cannot receive because it neither sees him, nor knows him, you know Him, for He dwells with you, and will be in you, I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you. Yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me because I live, you also will live. Okay, but circling back to, if you love me, you will keep My commandments. I just want to invite you that this, this journey of following Jesus is not about our feelings. It is about aligning our behavior, little tiny little movements, to cause us to become who he wants us to be. In our tiny little behaviors, our tiny little moments with our spouse with our kids. We get to make Jesus proud in our tiny little habits, because those tiny little habits prepare us to then do the bigger things that matter. Isn’t that what we were just talking about? That anything that happens in secret will be revealed. You need to fear God because he sees it all. He knows it all. And if you are spending your time on things that do not glorify Him in secrets, he knows it’ll be revealed. That’s pride for you or I to think that it won’t. And I’m not here to say that I’m sinless. I’m not. I’m not. I’m praying about it on a consistent, I’m asking God for help. I want his help. But I am pursuing. I am endeavouring and when God shows me more i recommit. I repent, I turn away, I recommit to holiness. I want to be like him, I want to do His will. I want to discern what it looks like for me to be doing His will in every area of my life. I want to fear him, I want to discern for me what His will is for me. And I think the last verse I’m going to leave you with which I just always, it provokes me and inspires fear of the Lord, it gives me so much. It just is phenomenal in so many ways. Matthew 721 Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day, Many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do mighty works in your name? Let’s just stop here for a second. Imagine this. Somebody that you have witnessed, maybe? What if they’re prophesying in Jesus name? They’re casting out demons in Jesus name, and it it happened? And they’re doing mighty works, maybe miracles in the name of Jesus? Doesn’t that feel like well, they’ve got to have it. It’s got to be right for them. And then that verse comes the scary verse, verse 23, and then I will declare to them, I never knew you. Depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. I never knew you. You thought you were doing God’s will but I never knew you. I never knew you. That is a continual knowing God. That is a walking day by day abiding in Him, knowing him discerning His will for you. It’s not going to look the same as your the person next to you. It’s not that’s why we don’t get to judge others. We get to look to see if there’s a plank in our own eye. We get to check out our own heart. We get to recognize what God is doing in us. Because again, verse 21, Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven of heaven, but the one who does the will of my father, who was in heaven.
35:15
God has a will for you. And it only comes by you knowing on a consistent basis, who God is, that doesn’t come from, from hearing a preacher. It doesn’t come from hearing me it doesn’t come from hearing a friend. It comes from you, pursuing to know Jesus. Is comes from you pursuing to know Him. And it all starts with the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. When you recognize He is holy, when you recognize you can’t do this all by yourself, in your own strength, you need him, you recognize that you might not get to enter the kingdom of heaven if you don’t, that provokes you to pursuit. I pray? I pray it would. The fear of the Lord is God’s will for us. And it should provoke a day by day disciplined pursuit of Jesus, not based on our feelings. Not based on the shifting sands, because it continues. chapter seven, verse 24. Everyone then who hears these words of Mine, and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock, and the rain fell, and the floods came and the winds blew and beat on that house. But it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does them, or does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand, and the rain fell, and the floods came in the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell in great was the fall of it. And when Jesus finished these sayings, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he was teaching them as one who had authority and not as their scribes. Isn’t that incredible? Isn’t that amazing? Let me pray for you. Lord, Jesus, we need you. We need the fear of the Lord, to grip our hearts to provoke us, to pursue you, with abandonment, to shake off the nonsense, the ridiculous the immature ways of thinking such small thoughts. Give us grace. Oh, God, Mercy. Father, thank you, for the provocation to think better. To recognize we need your fear to stop our stupid quibbles squabbles. Our stupid judgments are our mean spiritedness are nasty ways. God forgive us of these ridiculous sins, God, give us your grace. God help us, give us mercy. God, help us put all this stuff in perspective of you, and who you are God. Give us grace to have your fear embedded in us God that we pursue it over and over and over again that you are a strong tower. That our own kids have a refuge if we fear you. Guys, give us grace. To recognize that you are not subject to us and our understanding of you. We get to do our tiny little thing in this earth. Give us grace to do that. To make you proud to do your work. Because we’d love you because we were first loved by you.
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In Jesus name, Amen. That’s all I have to say. May you just let God speak to you? And if you need to pause right now and pray and repent. I ask that you would take the time to do that even right now.