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Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You’re not alone! Some who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here are separated and/or on the verge of divorce.
Others have good marriages but want an even better one!
In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, “I kind of resigned myself to, ‘That’s what it is and this is how it’s going to be.'”
After finding Delight Your Marriage, “It gave me hope for the first time in a long time.”
Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping himself and others to continue moving in the right direction.
For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come!
Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry.
We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environment to get the support and help that you need! We love you and want to pour into you and your marriage to release you to better serve in the critical work that you are doing!
Thank you pastors and church leaders for your work! Don’t suffer and struggle in silence, don’t settle for defeat in your marriage…FIGHT for your marriage, knowing that the battle is with the principalities and powers of the darkness and not a physical battle! DYM will help support you in the battle for your heart, your marriage, and your family!
One of the coolest things that I loved about what Minister Matt shares on this podcast is that He felt God’s encouragement in this pursuit to learn to love his wife well and grow in intimacy with her but God also challenged Pastor Matt that he and God were going to grow in intimacy at the same time!
God longs for our heart and devotion, just as we long for the heart and devotion of our spouse! This is an earnest pursuit for us here at DYM…the heart of God – as He has already pursued us!! Would you like to join us?
We WELCOME you! Schedule a free call with one of our advisors at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
Transcription
0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah rose as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truth about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage. Hi there, this is Bella, thank you for spending some time with me. I am on sabbatical at the moment, but you are listening to and just incredible story about a gentleman who follows after Jesus, he and his wife are doing incredible things in the world. And I’m so excited that you get to hear his journey. In this area of physical intimacy, he loves his wife, he’s a good man, he cares about his kids, he cares about God’s work. And yet this area of intimacy was just a struggle for them. So I can’t wait for you to hear how he’s processed, how He’s changed and how their marriage and intimacy has changed. It’s just, it’s so exciting. And I can’t wait for you to hear and get that hope and faith and belief that it could happen for you too. Or if you have a friend that needs this kind of hope, send it to them. Take the courage courageous step to send it to them as well. And if you, you know, want help, in the same ways that that these gentlemen have, or the women that you’ve heard on the podcast have, you can go to delight your marriage.com/cc get on a clarity call, we’ll see if you’re the right fit. And if we can help you and if so we’ll invite you in. We’d love to help you. Alright, come on in. Let’s let’s hear minister, Matt’s story.
2:00
Oh, my goodness, Matt, thank you so much for doing this with me. Yeah, happy to do it. Have you? Dibella Awesome. Awesome. So, so you’re graduating or just graduated from the masculinity reclaimed program? And can you give me a little context of maybe your background and your marriage and just a little introduction about yourself?
2:18
Yeah, so my wife and I’ve been married about 15 years, three kids. And you know, by all accounts, it was, it is a good marriage, it has been a good marriage. But what we, we always struggle with is on a physical intimacy side. So the, the deal was it, it was just sort of routine. And it felt like physical intimacy was more of a duty. And, and is something that had been a challenge for me for quite a while. But honestly, I didn’t even really know. I knew I wanted more. I knew, I knew it was frustrating, but I couldn’t, I didn’t really understand why. So I just kind of had been out there looking for resources and and that’s when I came across your podcast. And, and it was really cool Bella, because, again, it was sort of all fuzzy for me. But when I found those, it was the first time that I had I had come across someone that could articulate, uh, here’s what you’re feeling. And here’s, here’s probably what you’re feeling. And here’s why, like, here’s the problem. And so, you know, I just kind of resigned myself to, to, that’s what it is, this is how it’s going to be. And then every time I try and address it and bring it up, it just sort of blew up in my face. I’ve subsequently learned why, but it just kind of got to the point where it was just something we couldn’t talk about. It was just off the table couldn’t talk about it. And this is how it’s gonna be. And so when I found this podcast, and it kind of clarified some things I sort of finally understood, okay, yeah, this is this is and this is what I want. It gave me you know, hope for the first time in a long time.
4:02
Wow. Wow, that is just amazing. Wow. So um, so what? What made you decide so you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while? And what made you decide that you wanted to go further and actually do a program?
4:22
Yeah, good question. I wasn’t sure at first, I wasn’t sure at first but and one of the and one of the podcasts, it talked about delights. And so after a couple weeks of listening to him, I was like, alright, this seems good. This makes sense. I tried. We’re gonna try we’re gonna try it. So I did like one actually took one thing put it into practice and, and she responded very well, like that night. So I was like, Okay, this Bella knows what she’s talking about. So maybe we should maybe we should go a little further. And, and also I kind of knew, you know, I need some structure, I need some accountability. This is, this is something that I need. And so So yeah, that’s, I mean, from the get go. I thought, yeah, that this makes sense. I want to do it.
5:15
Oh, that’s so cool. And it did she does she know or what what was the?
5:21
No, no, she doesn’t know she still doesn’t know. And that was intentional. Because I wanted, I wanted to know that what I was doing was real, that the results were real and not. You know what she knows? So she’s trying to meet me halfway or something like that. I wanted it to be authentic. And, and to know that it was having the desired effect. So
5:48
that’s amazing. And did you find other guys? Were in a similar boat?
5:54
Yeah, totally. I don’t know, exact numbers, but I have to guess it’s it was more than half it was definitely the majority. Yeah. And for for very similar reasons. If it was, you know, I want to know, I want to be sure that this stuff works. And it does. So that’s the good news.
6:11
And would you say that the guys that made that choice are, you know, godly men who love the Lord and?
6:18
Yeah, totally, totally that and that was? That was the number one criteria is I wanted someone that shared that view. Someone that understood, shared my value? Sure, shouldn’t my beliefs. You know, we’ve we’ve got, we’ve got problems. We’re not perfect, but but we could come at it that way together with our faith. So
6:47
totally. That’s so good. That’s so good. And I know, you know, you’re a ministry leader. So you and there are other pastors in the program. And so I’m so grateful that you felt, you know, comfortable in those ways. Yeah,
6:59
there’s a lot of people in the ministry, which is really, which is really cool for me. And honestly, that’s one of those things. Sometimes it’s hard when you’re in the ministry, or even, you know, really plugged into a church or anything like that. I haven’t always been, because you feel like I should have this figured out. But it’s been so cool, and so helpful, and so refreshing for people with different strengths that but hey, we all need, we need some guidance, and we want to get better in this area. And we’re challenging each other. And that’s been really neat to see.
7:31
So cool. So cool. So what, um, did you have any, like, maybe favorite things about the program specifically that you could share?
7:41
Oh, Mandela, where do I start? Yes, I think I think the I mean, obviously, the training is great. And it was, it was the way that it was laid out systematically so that we, you know, you’re not biting off too much you can follow it there’s progress. That we have wisdom and insight was phenomenal. To me, I kind of go back to one of the coolest parts about was the community. And as you get into it, man, it sounds cliche, but these these the other men doing it become, you know, your friends, and you’re doing it together and just the community that that is what keeps you going and really spurs you on. And and that was to me the neatest and most unexpected part, I kind of had an idea on what the rest of it might look like. But that was the coolest and most unexpected part.
8:37
Yay. That’s true. They’re awesome. I love you know, that’s so good. Um, what, uh, yeah, any for for gentlemen listening, when you was there a certain moment that you were like, Oh, my gosh, this is really happening. This is really working. Could you share anything like that?
9:03
Yeah, there’s a couple as I kind of look back, there’s a couple milestones. So the, I was probably around and if this is too much detail, tell me to stop is probably around the, a couple weeks in where you could mean you could almost feel like the atmosphere in the relationship shift. And so like, it just got lighter, it got easier. Things got more playful, you’re having fun together. And I don’t even know, you know, like I was talking about I came into this seeking to fix a problem specifically on physical intimacy. And then there’s all these other unanticipated you know, benefits problems I didn’t know that necessarily that we had but but benefits results. So that was one of them. And because I remember talking to the guys when we got back on and it’s like, man, something like, you don’t feel and how shifted right? Where we were excited to see each other, we were happy to be around each other, we enjoyed just being around each other again. So that was a really cool one. And then later on in the program, the there was a, there was a section around communication. And, and, you know, looking back on it now I think that was one of the biggest challenges that caused some of the issues in around physical intimacy, and just just putting some stuff into practice and how our communication changed. And we were it’s like all these conversations that had been stacked up for 15 years that we’ve needed to have, like, boom started happening. And it was really cool. And one of them was around physical intimacy. I said earlier that, you know, that conversation was just off the table couldn’t broach it always turned out bad. You know, we were able to have that conversation. And it was, you know, she shared some stuff that she’d been feeling for years and years and years and why, you know, she, she felt like, we were in this spot. And then she shared, you know, with me a desire, like I, you know, I want I want this to like, I want to go on this journey with you. Which was, like, the coolest thing. The coolest thing. Oh,
11:19
it’s so good. Oh, I just love it. Um, did you notice where other guys? Oh, was there someone else? You’re gonna go ahead? Maybe we’ll get there. Go ahead. Okay, well, no, no, I want to hear, I want to hear the other thing.
11:30
The other thing that that I thought was really, really cool. That was I anticipated was how much my my relationship with Jesus deepened in this in this course. And so it was just a couple weeks in and I felt like I was doing my quiet time was praying. And I felt like, like, he was saying, Hey, this is this is great. Like, we’re gonna do this thing with your wife, and we’re going to grow in intimacy, we will get there. And also at the same time, as you’re relearning how to pursue your life, and you’re learning to pursue intimacy. And we’re gonna do the same thing with us. Like, and I thought that was like, the coolest thing. And so as I’ve pressed into that, and we’ve done that, it has been just beyond expectations, so cool. Some of the most intimate times I’ve had with the Lord, my walk is better and Britain’s richer. So that’s been really cool. That’s I thought, again, like, I thought I was signing up for this type, of course, but it’s benefited everything. So that was, that’s been really fun for me,
12:41
oh, my gosh, man, that is just the best, right? It’s the best and, and I think that, you know, a lot of times men can come to a to a course like that and have that concern, like, is this just, you know, tactics, you know, manipulation, whatever, that’s surface level. Um, but it sounds like you’re, you’re saying something else?
13:04
Yeah, no, no, but I mean, and maybe even my motivate not maybe even that wasn’t my motivation to start. But but you know, you, you wind up getting so much more, and there is a, there is a true heart change that occurs. Where, you know, I can say, now that I love my wife more than ever. And again, I thought that was just sort of something people said, you know, to earn brownie points in front of their wives. But it’s true. Like, I love my wife more than ever, and there was a legitimate part change that occurred. Yeah, oh my gosh.
13:42
This is the best, this is the best. Okay, so I was gonna just ask, like with other guys, did you see these shifts? Were there changes were their results? What I mean?
13:52
Yes, yes, most of them were faster than me. I’m a little stubborn. Most of them are faster than me. And, but it’s really cool. Because again, like you’re going through it with with guys and, and you’re, you’re often at the same pace, but, but some of the guys are having, you know, everyone’s different. So some of the guys are having some wins early on some a little bit later than you. And, and so that’s, that’s really fun. You know, you’re like, 99% happy and sometimes like 1% Jealous, like, oh, but then it also gives you hope that like, okay, so it happened for him. It’ll happen for me. And, and it usually does usually does. So the, the heart change. I felt like I was later than than everyone else on though, like people were saying to get it and I was like, Okay, well, but then within it did happen. So,
14:43
oh my gosh, isn’t that amazing? That’s so good. Um, okay. Well, any any thoughts that you have for somebody who’s maybe on the fence they’ve maybe heard about? Maybe they’ve been following the podcast for a long time, and they’re kind of like, well, I’ll get it from the podcast. I don’t need to spend three months, you know, doing something that I already get, what do you think?
15:05
Yeah, I’d say just do it. I’d say just do it. The because I had, you know, I said that I wanted to, but then I had hangups too, you know, and, and honestly, one of them was the cost administrator. It wasn’t. That was it. But, you know, I kind of got to the point where I thought, hey, if, if this will deliver the results that that some of the guys the testimonies that I listened to, if it will deliver those results, totally worth it. Totally worth it. And also, you know, had been, it had been years and I was like, I really don’t want to look back in 510 years to be in the same spot. I really don’t want to do that. So I thought, You know what, let’s just go for it. And, and all I can say is totally worth it so much more than worth it. So, you know, if you’re on the fence, just go for it.
16:02
That’s amazing. That’s awesome. That’s awesome. That um, yeah, I don’t know. Is there anything else you feel like I needed to have asked you and you didn’t any other comments?
16:18
I don’t think so. Bella, I don’t think so. Just thank you. Thank you. This is really cool, what you’ve done and and I’ve really benefited. So thank you very much.
16:28
Oh, my goodness. So welcome. So welcome. And I didn’t ask you for this map. But if you would be willing to kind of visualize a guy out there who maybe was in a similar spot as you good marriage, but this is just, you know, been the area of challenge. You’d be willing to kind of pray for him. In his Yeah,
16:49
I’m happy to do that. Absolutely. Here we go. Father, thank you so much for thank you so much for just the way that you love us, and how you want good things for us. And how you reached out to us and, and cool in an unexpected way he’s got and I know that you know, for the maybe for the person listening to this, this is your way of reaching out to him right now and saying, I love you, I want good things for you. Got in. So I just pray that you’d be with them. I pray that you’d pray that you just help them feel your affection for them. Help them feel that you see them, that you love them that that you designed their marriage and you have a you have so much in store for them in such great things. God, I pray that you would I pray that you guide them, I pray that you speak clearly and loudly about your will for for the next steps for their marriage, for the timing. God I just pray that the blessing over a few these future programs and as men go through this guy that you just pour out Your blessing just overflowing on them, and on their marriages on the wives God and God, I just pray that through all of this, that your name would be glorified isn’t just families are kept together and healed and thrive. And God I just pray that in all this when we look back and and that people from the outside would see this and they they they want some of that and they’d be led to you through it God and our hearts would just overflow with gratitude. And thanks for for just how good how good you are to us. We love you, Lord. In Jesus name. We pray this
18:43
in Jesus name, amen. Anyone else want to go to Matt’s church? Like every time I heard you talk, I was like, I’d like to attend that church. That sounds great. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, yes.
19:01
Did that. Did that cover it? Amazing. Oh, my gosh. If you want to redo anything, we can redo any anything?
19:09
No, I thought it was great. No, I really I thought I I thought it was more than great. Like I just I’m I’m just thrilled. And I I love your prayer. You know, I love it’s about God’s affection for these men for them to know that they’re not alone in this, you know? Because so often. That’s just the feeling. That’s just the feeling of this hopelessness and this
19:34
very lonely feeling. No. Yeah.
19:38
Yeah. So and I love that you didn’t pray like pray that this person would take its know that they would follow God’s will for them because God can do it in a million different ways. This is one way you can do it all sorts of different ways.
19:52
Yeah, I mean, I know for me, it was an answer to prayer. Like, I prayed for that and this is not how I expected it to happen. For me, worked great. Thanks, man
20:07
I am, you know, one thing I love about you in any ministry leader in the stuff is that they, like they they get to be better. You know, like when you feel overflowed in in love for your spouse, it’s like, Oh yeah, and I can love this person better and I can do this better. And I can do this better, you know?
20:26
Oh, totally, totally up. We, my wife and I use the terminology. I just man, I feel like my cup. My cup is empty. My cup is empty. And administrator. That’s that. That seems to be you know, again, I live the life before ministry, it seems to be a lot more common because you just you’re you’re pouring out pouring, pouring, pouring out. And my cup is more full now. You know, that’s not the only way it gets full. But it man it sure helps a ton. It sure helps a ton. And so you know, and especially in a hard place like this like, yeah, it’s like, a shot in the arm. For sure.
21:10
Oh my gosh. Yes. And I think about that for your wife to you know, she
21:16
totally, totally, totally. Oh, yeah. We had this guest here that was talking about and she was she just braggin braggin braggin braggin on like, I don’t know what’s happened. Like, I don’t either. I gotta go do a call. What? That’s
21:31
what your wife said. Yeah.
21:35
She’s She was like, I don’t know what’s happened, what’s going on, but just bragging about like, he’s, he’s, he’s helping out. He’s attentive. He’s complimenting me. In public. He’s and like, yeah, it’s just, yeah, yeah. It’s really, really fun. Really fun.
21:55
That makes me so happy. Oh, man.
22:01
Oh, I know. So I know. Her cup is more full too.
22:04
Oh, my gosh. That is cool. That is really, really cool. Oh, yeah. All praise.
22:12
I sure hope one day she gets to meet you.
22:15
I would love that. I would just love that. That would be awesome. Thank you so much. This is really a gift.
22:24
Okay, yeah. You’re very welcome. Anytime happy to do it.
22:39
Oh, my goodness. It’s just so amazing. Thank you, Matt. Praise the Lord. Yes, that God’s affection would just be made known to you even right now that you would just take a moment to breathe in his affection towards you. Yes, and may God transform your marriage. And whether you’re right for joining a program with us or not. May this conversation have encouraged you and inspired you in a new way. God bless you. Thank you so much for joining today. And if you do want to find out if this is right for you go to delight your marriage.com/cc God bless you. We’ll talk soon