Blessings,

Belah

PS – You may know someone who needs hope that things could change for him. 

Why not forward this on to him? It could change his life…



PPS – A recent MR grad wrote: 

“I can honestly say that my marriage, including our sex life, has never, ever been better.

This program can help you make the progress you have always wanted toward what you’ve always wanted in marriage…IF you are willing to put in the work. And IF you are willing to put a LOT of the work in yourself and your mindset.

Nothing good ever comes easy, so if you are ready to stop trying to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place and start TRAINING to get your marriage and your intimacy to a good place…this program is for you.

Plus…you will seriously get your socks encouraged off by Belah and a group of guys in ways you quite literally can’t imagine, each step of the way!”

Join us!

—-

Transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. Your joining me belah Rose is I typed deep into the beauty, power and truths about intimacy. Learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage.

0:21
Hi there, I’m so excited to share with you these rapid fire transformation stories super quick, but five minute journey stories of each of these men and what God did through the masculinity reclaim program. And just so you know, we are opening enrollment and our next cohort, and that is going away April 4, at midnight Eastern Standard Time. All righty. Well, I can’t wait for you to listen and be inspired and encouraged by all these incredible stories that can happen for you as well, God willing.

1:01
My name is James and I met my wife at church. Ash, I guess about 12 years ago, and we dated for a few years and we’ve been married for this will be when we have an anniversary 10 years. In that time we’ve created for and now actually, we’re pregnant with our fifth you have beautiful, beautiful children. And for a lot. I mean, especially from the outside, you know, I think going to church every week, and you know, my dad would come to visit and always complimented us on the domestic bliss we’re experiencing. So we had a lot of good things going for us. I had a basketball coach who used to say every day you get a little bit better, or you get a little bit worse, you never stay the same. And so our marriage was not getting better every day, when I discovered Bella’s podcast, I was learning a ton. And I found that, you know, my wife was open to it. Like we actually shared a few things. And I wasn’t able to exchange the podcast a little bit. And she learned some things about men. And right from the get go, honestly, we both we both got a lot of value just out of your out of your podcast. And I think we’ve been listened to a ton of episodes. And so yeah, I signed up for the masculinity reclaimed course, it feels pretty cool to be

2:28
to be able to get that firsthand, you know, conversation, you know, you’ve got an opportunity to highlight the things that you want to talk about and celebrate and questions. And to be able to get that, you know, that quick one on one time throughout the call with with the expert, is pretty cool. So you can’t get that on the podcast. Somewhere midway through the program, there was just a couple of guys on the call, who were just sharing some huge milestones. One of them was really similar to what I just said about learning how to be grateful for his wife, and just in it changed everything. And then another one for a guy who just like, man, he hadn’t been with his wife and like, a couple of years or something. And then and then they were intimate together. And you could see the guy was just like, blown away. And I was like kind of there was that one called because it was like a couple of people both having these big, you know, the I was getting a little little teary. I mean, you know, I didn’t cry. No, oh, no. Oh, come on.

3:33
You know, that was one of the biggest changes, you know, is that I’m more grateful for her. And she feels that right if I don’t have to change her at all right? If I if I changed myself if I learned to be grateful

3:47
for oh my gosh, over and over again, we just all the things that I wrote down that I was grateful for over the past, however many 12 weeks, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of things that I’m grateful for. You have a very it’s very practical approach. But my wife understood that this is, yeah, it’s not a it’s not about manipulating and men getting everything that they want and doing none of the work. But it’s about how to how to really be a good husband and that and love their wife. So my wife, I think she understood that and she was just happy from where we were and where we needed to get to she was just happy that I was taking some initiative and getting some getting some support. And

4:31
my wife and I, I mean, it’s just really it’s just really special to have her, you know, love and trust and, you know, initiate the way that you know, she’s been lately and we’re she’s we’re having open conversations about things that you know, we couldn’t even talk about, you know, every day you get a little bit better, you get a little bit worse. You never stay the same. So it’s and we’re getting better every day. My biggest hesitation was

5:00
You know, can I just find everything that I need on the podcast, you know, because there’s like a ton of good content out there. And, and so I spent a lot of time, you know, really trying to piece together, everything I need to know, to make it work, it really takes it to another level when you have the regimen, right, here’s where we’re starting bite sized pieces, practice this, and then we’re going to introduce that. And each week, we’re going to meet with the group, you know, for that accountability, it’s just, it’s a different, it’s all it’s all together different than just getting the information off the podcast. And I don’t think it’s all on the podcast

5:54
we have been married for a little over 28 years, I have two adult boys, they are out of the house. So we’re empty nesting now. And we went through kind of, I wouldn’t say a terribly rough patch. But we didn’t have the best marriage a number of years ago, we kind of tried to do it ourselves. By reading books, listening to podcasts, we went to a number of marriage conferences through our church and other organizations, you know, weekends away type of thing. And we we stumbled across your podcast and the whole dy M program. And we my wife and I both we looked into it, we felt that maybe this is something that could help us, you know, take that next step. So going into the program, I would have probably classified Our marriage is about a seven out of 10. We were in a pretty good place. However, it just now having gone through the program, I might amend that a little bit, it might have been more of a six to seven instead of a seven to eight. And so that’s our story. I mean, we’ve, we’ve been through we’ve had some hard times we work through them. And Mr. One has just been kind of the, in a way, the final piece of the puzzle, I guess I would say, through your podcasts, you had announced that there was the free masterclass for the women and then man at the same time. So we both took that she after the master class, she decided to continue on. And at the time I wanted to and I chose not to To be honest, that price kind of scared me away a little bit. And so we decided that she decided to go ahead and do it. And it was great for her she was enjoying it. And then when it came around for the men’s class, it started up again, we talked about, you know what it is definitely we think it’s worth it. I mean, it’s your marriage, this is the most important assignment that God has given you on earth. And I will say I am super glad that I did that, that we made that choice. Definitely worth it. But I will say to any of the guys out there that that you think your wife needs to be fixed.

7:55
She’s not going to be fixed until you fix yourself.

7:59
And a lot and a lot of times, honestly, some of the things that I personally thought, hey, you know, I really wish my wife would change this, or I wish she would do this. As I started to look inwardly at myself and some of that and how I interact with her how I reacted to her how I communicated or didn’t communicate.

8:17
A lot of those things that I would like her to change started with me and how I approached her how I loved her well, I have really learned how to speak into her life and to meet her needs. And when that happens. It’s like when you water and fertilize and nourishes seed, a flower it blossoms. And that’s what I honestly that’s what I saw, she really came alive through this basically, through my changes, there wasn’t anything that she did anything that that I had to tell her to do. That would actually be the wrong way to approach things. If you can turn a seven into a nine or seven into a 10 Why not? Why would you not want that. And I will say that it’s where I am now compared to three months ago. Our marriage is is so much more lively. It’s we connect so well. There’s a lot of playfulness, we flirt all the time. We’re sending each other texts throughout the day, you know, if you have a rough marriage, or if you have a marriage, it’s honestly pretty good. There’s always growth to be had. My wife is the most important person on this earth. It’s the it’s the person that God has brought into my life and given me to care for and to love. And why would I not want to do that the best I can. I mean, us guys, we will go to classes we will work hard and learn to grow in our careers and to become the best at what we can be at our jobs. Why would we not want to do that with our spouses and the price and I said that the price was it kind of concerned me a little bit you know, it’s there. It is a commitment. But honestly, I will say having that. That level of commitment made me I’m going to be there. I’m going to do this. I’m going to do the work. And I’m going to be there every week. And I had to

10:00
I have a job where I made the commitment to structure restructure my time and my day so that I could have this time every week open to connect with you and the other guys and to just learn to the process. And if there’s any guys out there that were like me, or like us and our marriage, or we’re just kind of, you know, in a good spot, we were we were real books, doing the things, there are still some things that you’re going to pick up, it’s hard to really figure this out all on your own. I’m so glad. So glad that we did this. And it’s been awesome. I know my wife is saying the same thing. She’s we’ve had many conversations about where we are now compared to where we were in and the future is bright, we love where we are.

10:43
It’s you know, we’re, we’re laughing daily, we’re flirting daily, we’re, you know, cuddling daily, and it’s all good. And it was worth every penny, I would say, when you have that solid foundation at home, it I feel as a guy, it feels like you know what, there can be all kinds of just it going on, whether it’s at work or outside, whatever. Knowing that I have this long run by my side that’s going to be supporting me and going to be with me, and we can, we can tackle anything together. I really feel like, you know, it’s I can talk about anything, it’s gonna come my way to see the light in her eyes now and the joy and happiness and fun and playfulness that she has that we have as a couple is it’s awesome. We’re newlyweds again.

11:37
So my wife and I have been married for 22 years now, everything, Everything’s been great overall, but I think it’s you know, for children later, life is busy, got a lot of stuff going on. And I felt like is great as our marriages, I just felt like things started to atrophy. And then in the area of intimacy, just not feeling like, you know, there’s like unmet expectations and unmet desires, and just feeling like, well, there’s not any change there. And I want more and really not feeling like there’s an open door to really discuss it, you know, together, because, you know, my wife might, you know, go on the defensive, just want to bring money when it’s brought up. And so I’m like a cash flow. What do I do now, like, she doesn’t, she doesn’t want to go there, she doesn’t really want to talk about it. I just, you know, frustration set in. And then obviously, I’m trying to pursue and want more and probably made that more of my focus, if she was quick to point out some of the things that I think I learned through the course, you know, probably should have listened to her the first time but because I allowed it to affect my attitude. Right? You know, you’re, you’re, you have unmet desires, and you feel discontent, or you feel empty in certain areas. And so you carry that into other parts of your life. Unfortunately, somehow, somewhere, I stumbled across your podcast, and of course, cleverly titled, you know, podcast messages. Oh, that’s interesting. I want to hear about that, as I’ve heard others talk about like, they, you know, you start binge watching, going, Gosh, that’s really good. Wow, I wish my wife could hear this, that would be great. Oh, she’s telling me I need to change? Well, let’s just put that one on the shelf. But no, so it was, it was one of those things that I think the podcasts really helped at least. And I think the thing that I really appreciated was, it wasn’t just some commercialized gimmick type of thing. It was obviously you could tell that it was heartfelt, and, and Holy Spirit inspired, because he always came through as wanting to do things in a godly way. So I pursued the EMR course, I think the only thing that was a little bit intimidating for me was, you know, of course, there’s, there’s a financial investment, and I do say investment, not an expense, right, because we put a lot of money into a lot of other things. And, you know, and frivolously spend on stuff that really isn’t gonna bring a return and the materials very well laid out, you know, because everything’s online, and you have access to them at any time. So that was, that was great, you can refer back to them. And I found myself like, in week eight going, I really need to go back to, you know, module three, because I’m, like, I’m hurting in this area, like I just knew, right. And so, it was nice to have the materials that I could go back to and re listen to a video several times. And because that’s, you know, repetition is where you’re really going to cement things, but I think there’s an element to of having the group of guys that are there that Well, number one, I think it helps you understand that you’re you’re not in this alone, that others have similar struggles. everybody’s situation is different, and some are more challenging than others. And you know, you don’t get into comparison mode or judging or, or, or envy or anything like that. But you do realize that while there are some people that are struggling with things that may be far greater than what I’m dealing with and and you watch them have some breakthroughs and you’re just like

15:00
Oh my gosh, that was so cool. Like, I cannot believe that just happened. And you’re like, You’re so happy for that individual. Right. And I think it’s just, you watch, you watch individuals change through the program, and then you see the corresponding effects that it’s having in their marriage, and, and, and their family. And you’re kind of you’re, you’re seeing it live, you know, on a weekly basis, you’re hearing these success stories, and you’re hearing the ups and the downs, and you’re going, Okay, well, if it’s, you know, if that can happen for them, it can happen for me, too, there’s a part of me that feels ashamed that I came in wanting something for me. And I realized that maybe it was a little bit of a selfish motive. And then I realized that it’s not about me, it’s about putting my eyes on her, and the rest will come along.

15:50
Because that’s really probably the biggest thing. So I think the biggest thing is a course really helps you to focus on, you know, you love your wife, as Christ loved the church, and you give unconditionally, without expectation. And, you know, you look at, you look at just being grateful, rather than expectant in all times, the goal is, and the hope is that You’ve now made this a permanent, these are permanent habits in your life, right. But it’s an ongoing, it’s a one time investment for an ongoing return, I’ll put it that way, it goes beyond your marriage, because it really does positively impact your entire life. It does, because because you have a change of heart, you recognize some deficiencies and some things that you need to work on. And if you’re really serious about changing and developing an areas of the fruits of the Spirit, that spills over into every interaction that you have, including with your kids and with, you know, friends, and whoever that you come in contact with. It’s a softening of the heart, and keeps you in touch with what God really wants to do in your life.

17:08
We’ve been married for 32 years, and I guess, you know, when you first get married, and, and everything is all newlyweds, and everything is, is peaches and cream, some kids come along and life gets very busy. And what I noticed was, you know, during our, our marriage, you know, in certain aspects, especially the sexual part of it, we’re kind of on different different sides of the page. You know, it wasn’t we didn’t have that closeness, we didn’t have that emotional spiritual tie to sex. And I felt I felt I just felt there was something missing. So we did have relations, but they were just, they were just that they were relations. So there was not any emotion tied to it or anything like that. It was, it was what I felt later on was I felt it was duty sex. And that’s fine for the first years. But as you get older, you know, then you start to think or whatever, well, you know, there’s, there’s more to this, there’s, there’s got to be more to this, it’s it’s kind of like, you know, this is a Saturday night thing, it’s just one more thing on your checklist. And then that kind of, you know, a gate left me with a hollow feeling and it just kind of played along. So, so what we ended up doing is actually went up and we saw we saw a counselor at first things had changed very slightly, but not to the degree where I was feeling any kind of feedback or she was she was getting my meaning or or anything like that.

18:56
You know, I always used to say, once the kids are gone, grown and gone, you know, like, it’s just gonna be you and me, you know, and and I, that’s when when a lot of couples split because they look at each other and they say, Well, you know, who the heck are you? Because they’ve led these parallel lives, but they’ve never intersected. So then, lo and behold, we had a little bit of a conversation and

19:24
we kind of came to came to the idea that you know, maybe we should think about going going our separate ways. And after that conversation, I know she felt bad, and I felt bad also because that’s nothing that you would like to talk about. And then a few days later,

19:47
she came back and she said I’ve kind of discovered this program. What do you think about this? And I thought, Well, okay, I thought you know, I’ll listen to the listen to the

20:00
The initiation video and everything. And it had sounded very promising to me, I thought, well, you know, this is maybe exactly what we need. And so we joined the program. And we’re excited, we thought, well, this is going to be, you know, maybe something a little bit different. And in my mind, I thought, well, this is going to change her point of view completely. Well, lo and behold, it was my point of view that got

20:32
Well, that was, that was, that was a big surprise. So, you know, now even now we can openly talk about, yeah, we can say I like this. I don’t like this. We like this. We try this. We, we have. We’re having fun. We’re being playful.

20:52
We’re, yeah, we’re, we’re newlyweds again. And I’ve grown closer to God. We’d like to pray together. You definitely have a touch of the Spirit. And it’s great what you’re doing for for men around the world, because we never knew

21:11
until we started looking, you know, we knew there were there was counselors, but we actually we never knew that there was anything like this out there. But there has been a another gentleman who we’re very close with. And we’ve talked actually quite openly about that. But he’s the he says they’re in a little bit of a valley right now. When we went out to their cabin this summer. He said, You guys were all over each other. He says, I don’t know what changed or whatever. But you guys were all over each other. And I told him, I said, it’s it’s the program. So I didn’t mention that. And yes, I would mention it wholeheartedly to anybody I have given the chance.

22:02
You know, somebody asked me or whatever, why is, why are you and your wife so snugly where you and your wife? You know, you know, I was touching each other and gonna say, Well, you know, the week, this is what we found out. And this is what we where we went and Yeah, you’re welcome. here’s the here’s the link, and away we go. So definitely, I would recommend the book.

22:30
Yes, Bella, in relation to the Mr. One course that I am just finishing up, I just wanted to share with you and whoever else may eventually see this, my experience going through Mr. My wife and I had been married for 29 years. And overall, thanks be to God, we have had a very good marriage.

22:54
And over the years, through the years, we have invested in our marriage through reading books, listening to podcasts, attending marriage seminars, etc. Those types of things. So taking your course, has just been another avenue of investing in our marriage. And I would say that this has actually been the most the best and the most beneficial one, in the most thorough course that I have

23:24
been through.

23:26
It also seems to me is I observed with some guys, that

23:33
some men perhaps take this course so that the frequency of sexual intimacy with their wives would improve. I think maybe in some cases that that’s that’s their goal.

23:45
And that might very well be a byproduct of this course. But now that I have done it myself, it seems that the real focus of this course, is teaching husbands to love their wives well, and in loving them in a way that they receive love. And that’s a very important thing. So, you’ve taught us the importance of giving our wives our complete attention when they’re talking to us,

24:15
and listening to them with the goal with a point of understanding what they’re trying to say.

24:23
You’ve taught us the importance of being playful in our marriage, the importance of building romantic habits,

24:31
the difference between feminine and masculine sexual practices,

24:38
how our wives need to feel safe, known and wholeheartedly cherished, and how we need to be generous with our wives in serving them, giving to them and listening to them in a attentive way.

24:55
I can honestly say that I believe that all husbands can benefit from this call.

25:00
worse, whether you are on the edge of divorce, or whether you have a really good marriage.

25:09
If we as husbands apply these principles, to our marriages, to our wives, from our hearts, our marriages are bound to improve.

25:22
I also appreciate your commitment to the Word of God as well. The Bible teaches that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. And you have pointed out that my wife is my closest neighbor.

25:34
And how true that is, you’ve also pointed out the fact that we need to forgive others, or God will not forgive us. And that, indeed, is what the Bible teaches. But that is seldom if ever heard or said in our churches. So I appreciate your commitment to the Word of God. It is also apparent to me that you love Jesus, and that you love his word, and you take it seriously, it’s apparent that you put,

26:03
you enjoy your job, and you put a lot of energy into it, which is neat. And also that you understand men much better than most women do.

26:17
So at any rate, I would say you are fulfilling a very important role concerning a topic that is usually not addressed in our churches.

26:31
For any who are considering taking this course, I encourage you to do so we invest in many things in life. And having a strong marriage will not only be a blessing to you and your wife in the here and now. It could influence your descendants positively for generations to come.

27:00
I guess over the years is as

27:03
as life got busier with extra with the children and all that kind of thing. Intimacy kind of dropped off more and more. I felt like she felt like I was just something else she had to care for. It was easier not to expect sex than it was to be rejected. So I decided that I wouldn’t initiate I had tried that a couple times. And it didn’t last real long. And then about a year ago, we had a pretty big fight. And after the fight, I kind of decided to do that again. This time. It’s stuck for 10 months. And

27:40
so after 10 months of

27:43
knowing intimacy, and we didn’t have fights during that time, either. Essentially, we were roommates. She she she told me she said, you know, she said, I still love you. And and I want to grow old with you. Well, I couldn’t say that. Because I had no desire to get oh,

28:05
I was I was pretty much done with life. And I wouldn’t have cared, you know, I, I really wouldn’t have cared if I would have just passed away. And because I had I felt like if this is all that life has to offer.

28:22
This is all that my marriage has to offer. What what’s what’s the point? And our past recommended that I started listening to delight your marriage podcast. And he was right before the free masterclass. So he encouraged me to take that. And I took it, I knew that with my wife doing most of the finances in the home, if I would put this on a card, she would immediately know that and I was trying not to let her know that I was in the course. She still at this point doesn’t know I am kind of planning on doing her tomorrow. So I went talk to my pastor about it. He was like, Well, I don’t, why don’t I just pay for it. Then down the road. Sometimes I ask you to pay it forward, or it’s just a gift I knew and he knew too, that I’m the kind of person that that probably put more responsibility on me then if I would have paid for it myself because I felt like I had somebody else be accountable to now we started out and one of the first things was getting into the morning routine thing. The snooze would ring and I’d roll over and hit the snooze. And that gave me nine minutes. And I would sit there and in my head rattle off everything I was thankful for to my alarm rang again.

29:29
And I got to where I would actually hit the snooze twice. Because I didn’t have enough time to say all my gratitudes in nine minutes. The other thing that I did that we did and a part of the morning routine was the forgiveness part of it. Which I know the first time I wrote it down, wrote everything down. I was shocked at how long my list got. I remember the first morning I was just sitting there just just looking at this list and I was kind of

29:58
I don’t know what the right word is horrified by

30:00
The list that I had, and

30:04
I was praying about it.

30:06
When I, when I

30:09
done praying, praying about it looking at the list, I just took my pen and wrote,

30:15
I forgive in big letters all the way across everything. I go back sometimes every now and then I look through my journal and I go back and I look at that list. And, you know, it’s just a reminder of what

30:28
forgiveness does.

30:31
And so that, to me was probably one of the biggest, the biggest things that

30:38
I felt was part of it. I think it was kind of interesting to me when I when I wrote that across, across the whole page, when I wrote that said, I forgive.

30:48
There was, I don’t know, a release or a piece that I had felt all the time, eventually. Well, one of the things you had said was that we weren’t supposed to initiate and I was like, Man, I waited 10 months for her to initiate and she still had initiated. So how in the world do you think that’s gonna change?

31:07
And

31:09
eventually it did. It’s not that the frequency has picked up. And but it’s that the connection while during intimacy has been so much better. It doesn’t affect just you, it doesn’t affect just your wife. It doesn’t affect just, you know, it affects everything about your life, your your marriage, your children, your relationships that you have around you.

31:32
I would say it even affects fixed my work relationships to a certain extent. I find myself looking forward to getting to know her better.

31:44
I think I can say that I’m looking forward to grow an old

31:49
at least, I’m getting there getting there a lot faster than I was earlier.

31:56
Well, thank you so much for, for what you’ve done.

32:01
For me, for my family, my marriage.

32:05
And

32:07
I just

32:09
let you know, I’ll

32:11
keep you and dy m&r prayers and the hand.

32:16
Pray that God will continue to

32:19
use you to

32:22
change marriages change lives.

32:32
Father God, if this gentleman is supposed to be in this course, let absolutely nothing hold him back. Give him a excitement. Give him creativity to figure out how to get the money together to move forward with it God that time help him to move around his calendar, help to move around whatever needs to be moved around to be able to do this. If this is the right time for him, God, if this is his season, to get this thing fixed by God’s grace, by Your grace, Lord, help him to see that if it is in Jesus name, Amen. All right. We love you so much. And we’d love to have you on the inside. Go to delight your marriage.com/m Invite and the doors close Monday, April 4 at midnight Eastern Standard Time. God bless you