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I am sharing the episode that has the most downloads at Delight Your Marriage of all time!
Blessings,
Belah
PS – Also, I have many free resources and would love to invite you to check them out: delightyourmarriage.com/free
PPS – If you need help with your marriage — do not hesitate to apply for a free Clarity Call. One of our Clarity Advisors (a former graduate of a DYM course themselves and experienced transformation in their own marriage) will guide you through the process to determine how we can help you. Sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A recent grad wrote, “I could probably fill a journal with the celebrations I experienced in the program!… By far the biggest celebrations have been what God has done in my heart! Our sex life has never been better…our times of making love are passionate, tender, emotional and spiritual.”
Transcript
0:00
It was a great experience something I’ll never forget. Because it was a, it was a great, a great moment that I’ll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life. Thank you, Ray. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.
0:17
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me belah Rose is I dive deep into the beauty, power and truths about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about delight your marriage.
0:39
Isn’t that awesome? That’s actually a gentleman who only did what we call Clarity Calls, which is an opportunity for you to get on a free conversation with a clarity advisor who is somebody that I’ve trained and worked with, and actually they themselves have been transformed by the programs we offer by God’s grace. And so they get on a call with you and listen to your story and see if we realistically can help you, given all the history that we have helped others with. So I would love for you to sign up for a call like that. This gentleman only did a clarity call and it impacted his life to that degree by God’s grace. So you can go to delight your marriage.com/cc
1:24
Okay, today’s episode, I am thrilled to rerelease this is an opportunity to listen to an episode that actually is the highest downloaded episode of All Time, with delight your marriage. So we’ve been going since 2015. That’s kind of a big deal. So I want you to listen carefully to what I share here, because it’s helping a lot of couples in the bedroom. And I pray that it helps you as well. Let’s dive in.
2:04
Hi, there. Welcome. Welcome. This is Bella.
3:39
Okay, so diving in today
3:45
how to make orgasm easier for her. So this is really directed at husbands. Wives probably will pick up a thing or two also. But yeah, let’s dive into this vital topic
4:06
so I think a lot of people have this mindset, that if you just get the right technique, she’ll orgasm better. And I’m not going to disagree that there are Yeah, important realities of how the clitoris works and how orgasms function. And yeah, I’ll talk about those. But what I think people miss is really the most important thing
4:35
which is your heart behind it.
4:41
Because for men,
4:44
sex can be much more technique oriented.
4:50
And for women in a long term relationship. It’s more about the heart. For her to enjoy sex for her
5:00
to move into orgasm,
5:03
she needs to feel fully accepted,
5:07
fully judgment free fully
5:12
able to pursue her own pleasure. And that comes from a place of being able to be vulnerable,
5:21
being able to be vulnerable, because pursuing her own pleasure and sex is a very vulnerable thing.
5:31
pursuing her own pleasure and sex is vulnerable. The concern of being judged the concern of feeling like she isn’t supposed to be sexual or enjoy pleasure is so pervasive in women, women I work with in my own self, there are times and have been times definitely in the past, where it’s felt like oh my gosh, is it okay for me to pursue my own pleasure and sex? And the answer is, of course, yes. God gave us the equipment, if you will, to enjoy sex, I mean, you may know, but the clitoris has the most nerve endings, in fact, twice as many nerve endings as the male penis, except the clitoris has no other function. Aside from pleasure, they have not found another function for clitoris, the clitoris, it’s got 8000 nerve endings, it is extremely capable of pleasure for a woman and not just one orgasm, but multiple orgasms.
6:39
And multiple types of orgasms from various ways of interacting with the clitoris, whether it’s on the inside or the outside. And
6:51
that is an exciting thing that God gave us women to enjoy.
6:59
But it doesn’t happen unless there is emotional safety in your relationship.
7:09
And that means a husband has got to be a good man. That means a husband has to be a good man. And when I talk about, you know, a marriage that started out sexless, and then the wife started making love to him three times a week, and she didn’t even know he was doing the men’s program.
7:32
I say that because the women listening know that the only way she would do that is if he became a good man. Because women are so smart. They are so intuitive. They know what he’s thinking whether he thinks she does or not. She knows if it’s skin deep, she knows is it going to last? Or is it just having an ulterior motive? Which is actually a lot of times why I say often men who do the program without their wives knowing is more effective. If he does it with this mindset of this as a surprise for her.
8:11
And for our marriage. It’s often more effective than her thinking, Oh, he’s just doing this for sex. And you’ll hear actually, I’m gonna post a interview with a husband and wife next week. And it’s really cool. Russ and Kim, Russ and Kim have been married 35 years. And that’s a long time. And they’ve got five kids. And so they have been through a lot. And that got to a place where she did not like him. She didn’t even want to celebrate their anniversary in a public way. Because she didn’t like him.
8:49
And that is the source of sex issues. I have to say so many men don’t realize their grumpiness and their moping around about lack of intimacy pushes her further away from sex. And I’ve even heard men literally the day after an amazing sexual experience, complain about how long it had been since the last time. And I’ve also heard from men that it actually can feel
9:22
kind of desperate after a sexual experience because they feel like oh my gosh, how long is it going to be until the next time and scary? So it’s emotionally scary for them. So I you know, I have compassion. But I also am saying you’re shooting yourself in the foot. Because if you’re not grateful for what she gives you in your heart, because like I said, She’s smart. She knows she knows if you’re getting in that space of like, oh, the next time she she’s just like you will never be satisfied.
9:55
And I’m grateful men are unfiltered with me because if they’re not unfiltered I can’t help
10:00
correct those mindsets. But
10:03
you got to realize that if you’re not grateful for what you have, she’s going to be like, well forget it, you’ll never be satisfied. And so why try?
10:13
So why try? So I want you to be very intentional about your heart, about, oh my gosh, this woman allows me to see her body. This woman is in the same house as me. Oh, my gosh, if I lost her tomorrow, what would I miss? If you have that kind of perspective about your wife, it translates into the bedroom. It translates into the bedroom. Yeah, I have these understandings of my husband, a lot of times men reach out and they say, Oh, my gosh, you understand the heart of a man, man. And I’m so grateful for that. But even me, I am, I am not 100% consistent in all my tigress nests in the bedroom, there are times that I’m just, I’m exhausted, I’m tired, I’m hurt by something in my life that really has nothing to do with him. And my level of energy that I bring to the bedroom is a five or a six at a 10.
11:23
And if he felt like, well, that’s not good enough, I’m not going to be satisfied unless you are fully fully engaged.
11:31
I just I’d be like, well forget it, tonight’s not going to work. And so maybe our, you know, frequency would be much, much lower. But because my husband is grateful for the fact that I show up, and I want to love him, even when I have low energy, even in the hard days, that I want to love him well. And yes, it’s a weak energy, kind of lovemaking. But it doesn’t mean that he’s not grateful for it.
12:04
Because if he is grateful for my showing up with a level five or six energy, then I’m more inclined to come again, to with that level of energy.
12:16
And if he is going to be satisfied for the times that I don’t have an orgasm, then I’m going to be more encouraged and motivated to try for the next time.
12:28
And that’s another important point for you, gentlemen to understand is that it takes energy and effort for a woman to pursue her orgasm.
12:37
Especially if it’s not something that is either easy for her or something that she has kind of figured out. For her. It takes energy and effort. So for you to just have this mindset of like, I That was so fun, that was so great. Whatever the quote, end result was for her, I mean, my gosh, she pursued to love you Well, isn’t that awesome. And if that’s not enough for you, she won’t take the next step to pursue her own pleasure.
13:16
So let me make that clear.
13:18
For women, their first goal, most of the time in my work and experience, their first goal is to love their husband, and satisfy him
13:31
in terms of priority that matters more
13:35
than her own sexual pleasure, most of the time. The second goal, once that is satisfied, once she achieves his sexual satisfaction, the second goal in her mind, is her own pleasure. But she will never get to the second it’s almost like she’s got to get to mile one before she ever gets to mile two.
13:59
So the second mile is her actually pursuing her own pleasure. And that might be in a sexual experience. But it might also just also just be in your sexual life. If she doesn’t feel like you are happy sexually, she’s never going to pursue her own pleasure.
14:16
And a lot of times men are like, well, I won’t be sexually happy until she pursues her own pleasure. And that’s it. She’s just gonna throw up our hands and say, Well forget it.
14:28
She needs you to be happy
14:30
with her pursuit of of your satisfaction. She needs you to be grateful and happy for that.
14:39
And then she might go after her own pleasure.
14:43
See, gratitude is vital. Yes, maybe she gives you duty sex right now.
14:50
But if you take it with this grumbling attitude of well, she wasn’t intuit or you know, writing it in your own head. Oh, that was a four out of 10 or whatever. It’s like
15:01
Well, she’s not, she’s not going to want to do anything else. Because pursuing her own pleasure takes time and effort and energy, and focus.
15:11
And it’s much easier for her to be busy
15:14
and make her house perfectly beautiful, or do all sorts of other things with her time. It’s more, it’s easier. You know, it’s more fulfilling, because she can’t make you happy than what’s what’s the point.
15:36
And maybe easier for you to go back and listen to that portion again, because
15:42
you know, if you’re like, we had this great sexual experience, but she wasn’t satisfied. So it wasn’t very good. Like she didn’t have an orgasm, then, even if that’s just in your own heart,
15:59
it’s going to push you guys further away from her having the pleasure for her having an orgasm.
16:08
The other thing that’s important for men to understand is that
16:12
intimacy can be very good for her without an orgasm, she can actually enjoy the experience without having an orgasm. That happens to me a lot. And a lot of the women I work with, because it takes energy and effort to pursue an orgasm.
16:28
It may just be fun and relaxing and enjoyable just to have sex and he have an orgasm, and that’s okay.
16:36
She doesn’t have to have an orgasm every time she could, if she wants it. That should always be on the table. But she doesn’t have to.
16:47
Another important truth about women having orgasms is that the energy you bring to it, if she is pursuing her orgasm will help her habit.
16:58
So if you bring you know positive energy and enthusiasm and acceptance for whatever happens, and however she pursues him, whatever she wants you to do,
17:09
that makes it easier for her.
17:12
So it’s important for you not to judge the experience.
17:18
Freud was the first guy to come up with this or maybe he was the first guy to say it out loud and become famous for saying it. But he basically said that the orgasms inside the vagina is better than the clitoral orgasms. And that’s just not true. Freud was a man. He doesn’t get to say things about a woman. And it’s just not No, no, thank you, Freud. I’m calling you false. orgasms are just as good outside or inside or with a vibrator without or with intercourse. While she’s using her hand. All of those things are good.
18:00
It is between you and your wife, and it is connecting and it is unifying. And if there are rules about what is good in intimacy, then that’s not going to allow her to have freedom.
18:16
If she doesn’t have freedom and sex, then she’s not going to be able to let down her guard and enjoy it. Because if you have rules about what’s acceptable, or what’s
18:27
the best in sex, you’re basically not allowing her to enjoy the experience. Because you’re saying the only way she can enjoy it is if I’m inside of her and she doesn’t touch anything, and there’s nothing outside helping her to have an orgasm,
18:47
then that’s inhibiting her potential for pleasure. But if it’s anything in everything that’s going to help or encourage or whatever is helpful. Yeah, I’m all for it. That’s the kind of attitude that will help her feel relaxed. Now, biblically speaking, the boundary is that there is not another person involved in reality and physical reality or in thought, That’s Biblical. It’s just you and your husband is just your husband and your wife like that. Those two in sacks, but everything else is on the table. You can have fantasy about your spouse, while you’re laying next to each other touching yourselves. That’s called really great sex and that’s okay. Especially in seasons where someone’s in pain when someone’s pregnant when someone is just exhausted from the day intercourse as much as a lot of times men think, Oh, she’s just laying there. It’s no big deal. No, it takes energy for a woman to receive to be penetrated.
20:01
It takes energy to be present in receiving. Sometimes it’s easier for a little penny, which Penny is my word for oral sex for him a little penny. And then
20:16
both of you touching yourselves or using a vibrator on her or
20:22
you touching her, or maybe oral sex, but for her, but also realize, and sometimes that’s really, really great for her. So keep that in mind. Like, if she likes that, go for it anytime.
20:36
But if it’s something that she feels like she’s got to be, you know, she’s got to do you know, 300 things for her to feel comfortable with you going down there, then be okay with that. It’s okay, be fully accepting of whatever works best for her and intimacy. Don’t push the envelope if she if she wants it a certain way, just thank her that she shared. Thank her that she shared with you her boundaries. Thank you that she shared with you what she thinks about sex. Thank you that she shared with you a topic around sex, any of those things as much as maybe you, you know, in your heart or like, I just wish you would want more of that activity or what have you.
21:23
The only way it’s going to be expanded is if you accept where she is right now. And you’re grateful for it.
21:30
So here’s how a conversation could happen. And here’s how the conversation I think should happen to get
21:39
things to go in the more free direction. So the conversation could go like this. The wife says, No, I don’t want you to go down there. I’m not comfortable. And then he goes, but come on. I think you’re gonna really like it. Let me just try. She has no I’m not comfortable. Please don’t. Like, can’t I just try a little bit? No, I’m not comfortable. Don’t do that. Okay, so that causes her to close up, that causes her to resist it causes her to build more walls or make her walls stronger. Because you’re not going to respect her boundaries. The other way this could go is this way.
22:21
I’m not comfortable with you going down there. Please don’t. Of course paid. No, it’s no problem. Thanks for sharing with me your comfort level i i always want to honor whatever, whatever works for you.
22:33
I just love that you share that with me. That means a lot.
22:38
Thank you for for all that you do and intimacy for me. It’s really amazing. I love our intimate connection. I love the way you love me through intimacy. It’s really beautiful. You’re amazing.
22:52
And what does that do? It softens her. It melts, you might not see something immediately. But if that is truly your heart,
23:02
it will soften. It may take weeks it may take months. It may take longer. But that is called softening your wife. If you have that grateful heart and grateful attitude.
23:17
That’s what’s going to allow her to feel safe to pursue something a little more, something a little extra. But if she feels like you’re pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing,
23:31
her walls will go up, her defenses will go up. She won’t feel safe, she can’t be vulnerable.
23:40
Except where she is. Be grateful for where she is.
23:45
Appreciate what she did for you. Because again, her first mile marker is to satisfy you. But if you will not be satisfied. She’s gonna throw up her hands and be like, nevermind.
23:57
I just made love to him last night and he’s still whatever mopey. You’re thinking about the next time or what have you. Again, she’s very smart. She knows what’s happening in your heart. She’s very, very perceptive.
24:15
The other thing is she’s very insecure.
24:19
Why do I say that? Because
24:22
it just helps so much for us to assume everyone’s insecure. It really really does. It helps us be gentle with others. I think that sounds I mean, it may sound ridiculous, but
24:37
if we think everyone is made of stone, we’re not going to be gentle.
24:42
You know, especially the people who dish it out in kind of a mean way. Hurt people hurt people.
24:52
That’s the way it goes hurt people hurt people.
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If you dish it out, you can take it that’s not true.
25:00
That’s not true. If you dish it out harsh, it means that you’ve received it harsh, and you haven’t been.
25:07
It hasn’t been modeled for you how to do it gently, you don’t realize the the toll it takes on others. So assume that your wife is insecure about this. So you’ve got to be so so, so gentle and accepting and appreciative of all that she is, if she’s not fiery and excited, and all that stuff in the bedroom, except where she’s at right now. And even if this week is totally different than last week, except where she is this week, you know, there have been times where it’s been like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, in my life, I’ve been interested and excited and all this and then, gosh, the next week, it’s like, life just hit me in a totally different way. And it really has nothing to do with him. But it does affect our intimacy, but his patience, and his gratitude for just last week.
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Makes me feel like oh, he’s, he’s okay. And you have to be okay. In your heart.
26:15
You know, the gratitude that you have for what she does now will empower and encourage what she’ll do in the future. And this is a direct correlation
26:28
with orgasm directly.
26:35
Okay, so, so practical stuff. I promised I was gonna give you some practical stuff. You’ve probably been listening this far. Just like okay, when is she gonna get to what do I do?
26:46
Well, the first thing is if she’s never had an orgasm,
26:50
be okay that vibrators can be introduced. And if she’s had plenty of orgasms be okay that vibrators are introduced. I mean, my husband and I have this thing that I encourage you to do, too. If either of us have an orgasm.
27:05
First of all, we’re always present. Unless, you know, I do encourage if people are traveling, you can have orgasms on the phone or
27:14
like with each other, like there’s still ways to feel unified through intimacy when you’re not physically together. But anyway, that’s, that’s our
27:24
thing is that if either of us are going to have an orgasm, the other is broken.
27:29
And that’s important because our sexuality is meant to unify us together.
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And
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that’s, that’s the goal.
27:41
So anyway,
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vibrators are okay to use for her orgasm. Don’t think that that is something that is lesser than her fingers are okay to use for her orgasm that is not lesser than
28:00
your fingers are okay to use for her orgasm that is not lesser than your mouth is okay. Your actual member is okay. All of those things are good and equal in terms of value of her orgasm.
28:16
Or the other thing I was going to say is that we always think each other for our orgasms. Even if a vibrator isn’t involved.
28:24
I still think him I wouldn’t have an orgasm. If it wasn’t for him. I wouldn’t be
28:29
enjoying sex. If it wasn’t for him. I thank him for his orgasm, because I’m grateful that I get to be this source of pleasure for him. I’m grateful I get to be there. Even if he used his hand like those are good things. And a wife shouldn’t feel lesser than if he does that a husband shouldn’t feel lesser than the fact that orgasms happened is just as good as intercourse. It’s just as good as anything else. Because if it’s not as good, she will not be motivated for more. And in your own heart. Oh my gosh, she didn’t have to do that. She could have gotten another week. Her energy wasn’t very high. She didn’t feel perfect. Okay, so my gosh, she loves you anyway, what a good woman you have. How great that she did that for you. And if you don’t have that attitude,
29:21
why would she give you anything else?
29:25
Right.
29:28
But think about if if you made dinner for her, and it wasn’t this four course meal and you whatever, you burned the toast a little bit or whatever and she’s, she’s just like, are you serious? This is what you’re giving me for dinner.
29:45
Would you be any kind of motivated to do anything else? No, you’d probably be like well, closing up shop. I’m not making dinner again. Let’s do TV dinner tomorrow and the rest of our lives.
29:56
Frozen pizza that’s all we get now. But
30:00
What if you made her dinner? And sure you used frozen vegetables and, you know, it was kind of burnt toast or whatever. And she was like, Honey, thank you. Oh my gosh, I’m so grateful you made dinner for us. That was really thoughtful. And I know you took your time and effort and Thanks, honey, she gave you a kiss. Like, wouldn’t that motivate you to do something more? Be like, Yeah, I’m the best cook ever. And then you’re walking through the grocery store, like, oh my gosh, I’m gonna get some time. And I don’t even know what to do with time, but I’m gonna get it because I’m such a good cook.
30:41
Like, wouldn’t you just have a completely different attitude about cooking? Because your wife thinks you’re awesome at it. Like, yes. Do that for your wife. Think she’s awesome now. And in in really in your heart, think that she is awesome now. And from there, things will grow.
31:04
Things will grow but it’s not out of a heart of an gratitude.
31:10
have low expectations. apprec appreciate what you have.
31:17
And God is faithful. He’s going to bless that he’s going to bless it in your own heart. He’s going to bless it in your life. He’s gonna bless it in your marriage. I mean, the fruits you’ll be shocked when you get more grateful about what you have and your intimacy,
31:33
you’re going to be surprised. You’re going to be surprised about how you start looking at your life.
31:41
So
31:43
yeah, that was okay. So, again, more practical things.
31:49
You want to start from the extremities. You do not want to go straight to the clitoris, you don’t want to go straight to the nipples. You want to start with her fingers. Just gentle touches kisses on her.
32:07
The inside of her elbow of her arms of her chin of her of her clavicles my husband I joke all the time. I was sure my clavicles were so sexy until come to find out. Men don’t really care about whether or not clavicles are super super attracted. Those are the collarbones just so you know.
32:30
I still think my clavicles are sexy. So I pretty much have convinced him of how attractive they are. And we were laughing about it the other day.
32:40
They’re wonderful. All right, and he’s got to know that if he doesn’t know how lucky he is to have these clavicles anyway,
32:49
but um, yeah, kiss the beautiful parts. Her neck is super sensitive to kisses. Definitely kiss her lips. Oh my gosh, and around kissing. I think some men think that they need to like stick in their tongue and be all aggressive. They just need soft lips, and they just need to do gentle kisses. And she’ll go further if she’s interested in tongue and she’ll pursue it more but just tease the pushing and the aggression and all that is
33:24
not as interesting as teasing. Especially if kissing is not a huge thing in your marriage right now. Gentle, gentle, attentive, perceptive. Curious what she’s liking be super present. As a man be present. Don’t just be thinking about the end goal of her orgasm. be enjoying the process be enjoying her body, a woman’s body is meant to be enjoyed.
33:56
A woman’s body is meant to be adored.
33:59
So adore the process of uncovering her body. You know that’s one thing that I love. Is that my husband
34:09
truly in his heart feels this way but I love the way I get to see him. Enjoy my body. I get to see him. Look at my body like it was the first time he ever saw it. Like that is really cool to me. It really is a turn on. And I encourage you to pursue your wife’s body as if you had never seen it before. That she is truly the apple of your eye. That she is beautiful. She’s incredible. Just imagine your wife right now as I’m saying these words she’s gorgeous. The curves the the peculiarities of her skin for have her skin color of the contours of her body. Even if it’s a different shape than what it was when you got married like how amazing is it that your God designed such
35:00
Gorgeous gift, and give it to you that you get to enjoy. Oh my gosh, would that be your perspective. And you know, if you’re struggling with other thoughts and other lust and all that, starve yourself on those things, get yourself off those addictions, even if it’s just in your mind. Because the more you compare, the less satisfied you will be. It’s just the truth. If you’re letting your mind wander on to things that are not your wife, you will be less satisfied. And I want you to be in your heart satisfied with the gift of your wife’s body, I want you to be so satisfied. So you have to starve yourself. You have to make sure that the person you perceive and think about is your wife’s body. And I’ll tell you wives that are listening.
35:56
Like, oh my gosh, first of all, I’ve heard that almost quote directly from husbands when they have gotten off of porn when they have gotten off of
36:06
pursuits of lust. They, they do they they see their wife even more dramatically beautiful. But the other thing I’ve heard so many times from men is like, my wife, whether or not she would win Miss Universe or not, doesn’t matter. She is gorgeous. To me, she is my Miss Universe. Like he just wants to enjoy her body. So anyway, okay. So have that as your heart, your mindset. Again, I keep going back to the heart and mindset for a husband, because you have no idea how much your wife picks up on it, and it affects her, it absolutely affects her. So if you’re thinking about how much she gained weight, she’s thinking about it too, and she doesn’t want to show you, but if you’re thinking about oh my gosh, that woman, how do I get to see her curves? what a what a gift I have and think about this.
37:02
Back when women were all those what petticoats and you know, depending on what culture you are from, in, you know, the culture I or my heritage is English. So back then what they were they were all those petticoats and all the things. So, even if a man saw a woman’s ankle, it was scandalous. But think about it, in that if you compare it to those days, like you, as a husband, get to see your wife, let’s say in tank tops and shorts, like you get to see what was crazy, scandalous back then. So compare it to then not don’t compare it to what others get to see of their wife now, like compare it to you could have a wife that doesn’t show you anything. Compare it to that get your mind in gratitude around that.
37:53
Yeah, so the fact that you even get to see your wife like there are so many men that are deployed right now that don’t even get to be around their wife that wish they could be around her her smell her peculiarities her her laugh, her just being around her.
38:13
You get to do that. Alright, so what else about practicality, so you go from extremities to then get closer.
38:23
So kissing, enjoy the kissing process, you initiate the kissing you do the neck kissing, like, do all the stuff that you would have done when you’re dating when you are trying not to go further. Do you remember that stage when you were you were holding back from pursuing sex you were just infatuated with each other’s kisses. Bring yourself back to that moment of just enjoying enjoying all the sensations and enjoying holding off when you get turned off and turned on enjoy holding back and how exciting that is. And then eventually Yeah, you can move down and kiss her torso and
39:08
and tease. That’s something that I think also men men really miss is this idea of teasing. You want to slowly build anticipation. You don’t want to go straight for the clitoris and just okay, we’re getting this done. No, we want it to be this teasing. We want. You know, some fun, maybe just very gentle blow on the clitoris area and come back and kiss the thigh or
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you could even go from her thighs where you’re getting really close to her clitoris. Right and her precious jewel. I actually call it the ReSSA which is all the beauty between her legs. Because I don’t know I don’t think the other words are that beautiful and it makes me feel more like you’re in a doctor’s office than anything else or you’re on some awful site. So I call it the ReSSA. So you’re
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around this beautiful rester in front of you, and then let’s say you go back down, you start kissing her legs and down to her ankles and her toes and, and that’s teasing.
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It’s not teasing, if you go straight to it,
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it can be way too sensitive too fast, and it can actually make her pull away and put her guards up again, which is not what you want. You want her to slowly relax and slowly surrender. And then maybe you go back up slowly and, and have a smile on your face. And basically having your heart and your mind, I don’t care if this takes forever, I am just enjoying you enjoying, and then you kiss her
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the mound above her ReSSA. So it’s called the pubis months, and you kiss that whether it has hair or doesn’t hair actually can be much more sensitive for her. So I know a lot of times men want it to be totally shaved or whatever their preferences, but think about her preference, what does she want, and just your light touch of her hair can be very
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sensitive to her. So, you know, kiss above that kiss around, then get a little closer, maybe you kiss the outer lips, and then maybe you kiss the inner lips. And then you go back out and you tease some more.
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And then maybe she will teach you a little bit more of what’s going to cause her to have an orgasm. So whether it’s eventually giving a kiss to her clitoris.
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And Lee letting the hood be on top of the clitoris.
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You know, there’s then then, you know, you could even say would you like to touch and show me, you know, maybe she doesn’t know, and she’s never done it before. That’s okay. You guys can figure this out together just have that that good heart of whatever happens is good. And you’re happy and you just are grateful that she is allowing you to pursue her pleasure to enjoy her pleasure. Like that is hard stuff for her to open her legs to you. That is hard. Because that’s opening her heart that’s being vulnerable.
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That’s exposing herself. It’s hard for her. So if something happens, if nothing happens, if she stops you halfway through, don’t take that personally decide how grateful you are that she let you do that, oh my gosh, that didn’t have to happen, how grateful you are, ah, that you would be on cloud nine that your wife would go as far as she did whatever it was.
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That is what’s going to encourage her the next time. And it may take weeks, it may take months, it may take longer. And that’s okay, you guys have your whole life ahead of you. This is a thing that’s going to change your heart if you let it.
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I said this in the beginning when a wife hears that a woman started making love to her husband. And the man didn’t even share with her that he was in my program. When I know like like I’ve shared that story with wives, what drops in their heart they know that that man became a good man. Because she would not have done that if he didn’t become a good man.
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And your process of patience and joy and gratitude and excited discovery and acceptance of her and safety that you cultivate in your heart you become
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is what attracts her to making love is what attracts her and makes orgasm easier.
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That’s what it’s about. That’s the man God wants you to be because listen to the fruits of the Spirit love, joy, peace, patience, patience, gentleness, gentleness,
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goodness, kindness,
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faithfulness, faithfulness, faithfulness, and self control. Self control. That is what attracts her. That is what makes orgasm easier for her.
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Let’s pray.
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Father, thank You for the gentleman listening.
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God thank you for him. Lord, I ask in Jesus name.
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That what you needed him to hear would go deeper, deeper than anything
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than anything else, whether it’s the techniques that was a lightbulb moment for him, but God, it’s his heart. It’s his heart you have given women a grace to perceive.
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And it is a grace because I think when he gets this, it’s going to matter in eternity when he gets that his heart is where this all starts from. It’s going to matter in the way he loves others. It’s going to reverberate in the way he shows up as a father, it’s going to reverberate in the way he shows up as a friend, as a ministry leader.
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Father, give him grace to change himself.
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And it will impact the way he lives this life and the way eternity goes for him. God allow him to relinquish his own will, And his own way of thinking, to love his wife Well, in orgasm.
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Outside of the bedroom, which absolutely permeates inside of the bedroom.
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God, we need to cleave to you every moment, every minute, we need your word to bring us light in our hearts, give him the grace to pursue it. Whatever the motivation might be now,
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great sex Okay, fine. Get in the Word.
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Lord, we trust you and love you and love your process. Love your process, I loved your leadership and our lives continue, we ask in Jesus name, Amen.
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So if this is not your first time listening to this episode, I hope that it has blessed you. Repetition is the mother of learning. So feel free to come back to this many times over to see what God might want to show you through it. And aside from that, if you’re ready, if you’re ready to get this kind of transformation that we get to witness so many times in our programs, I would love for you to get on a call to see if we can help you. If we feel confident that your situation what you’re bringing in, we can help you with so go to delight your marriage.com/see see as soon as you can. Things are shifting here pretty soon with delight your marriage and different exciting things are coming up but I would love to offer you this opportunity as soon as possible. Because again, things shift and and this is an opportunity for you to have your your story heard and witness what God might do just through that single call alone. So go to delete your marriage.com/cc and we’ll talk to you soon