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Alternate Title: 7 Steps to a Productive Disagreement

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Arguing. Ugh. It’s so… so… unhelpful.

When have you left an argument where the dust has settled and you felt 100% good with everything you said — your eyes, your words, your tones…? Everything. 

In fact, how would you feel if your church congregation watched what you said and did? 

Would you be proud of yourself? 

Would you feel small and immature?

Usually, after an argument, I only feel the latter.

 

To clarify, what I mean by arguing is having elevated emotions when we start using a stronger voice and intense words. 

Essentially, the judging/reasoning/impulse-control part of our brains (pre-frontal cortex) goes offline during that stressful conversation and we’re left with the “lizard brain” which only knows how to flight, fight, or freeze.

All the wisdom that we have cultivated throughout all of our lives and have prayed for and read about, goes out of the window during an argument. 

We say things we don’t mean and throw verbal knives at each other. 

Sure, we might apologize for it the next day when we’re calm, but those words leave scars. 

 

So, can we ever disagree? 

Yes. 

We need to disagree. That’s healthy and correct. 

 

We need to be courageous and disagree about things that matter. 

 

But we need to do it the Jesus way. 

 

I have some very practical tips on how to disagree well, and how to honor God in it. 

 

It’s easy to use “popular thinking” and just say what you think. But the Bible is clear that’s not best. 

“We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check…

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” James 3:1 & 6

(Also, see the full book of James for more of this type of goodness. 🙂

 

How do we make sure we’re not setting forest fires with our mouth? 

Well, I have given you 7 or 8 keys in this episode that if we could consistently apply, I’d be a closer reflection of Jesus, and I think you would be, too. 

Love & Blessings,

Belah

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If you’re interested in finding out if we can help you, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

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