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The FREE Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations training is back for the last time this year. If you missed it previously, join on September 12 — sign up at delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining

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First of all.

I’d like to tell you that I’m right in all that I do.

In fact, I’d like to say that I’m right… all the time.

I’d also like to tell you that I’m right even when others think I’m wrong.

I’d especially like to tell you that I’m right when other people think I’m right. (I mean, isn’t that extra confirmation that I am definitely right…?)

 

So, the truth is…

[I have] become like something unclean, and all [my] righteous acts are like filthy rags (Is 64:6).

 

Even the things I think I did that are right… are filthy.

Even the things you think I did that were right… are filthy.

 

Oh, but then the things I did that were wrong! (The things I am sure were wrong… eek!)

 

I hope you see where I’m going with all of this.

You’re in the same sad boat that I am.

 

And… it’s sinking.

 

Seriously.

Can you imagine being on a boat in the middle of the ocean, and it sprung a leak… and then another… and then another…

Seriously, take a moment to put the picture in your mind… breathe fast… your stomach is turning and feel utter alarm and desperation.

The ONLY way you could survive is by being saved.

 

That’s what’s happening here. You and me. We are in a leaky boat in the middle of the ocean.

We desperately need to be saved.

Every single time we sin and we hammer a hole in our boat, we need a Savior to restore it. We can’t do that ourselves.

 

When we try to defend our sin, we continue to hammer through the sides of our boat.

 

What does this look like in your marriage…

As an example, when you are rude and cruel to your spouse (disrespecting and/or making them feel unsafe), you hammered a hole in your “marriage boat”.

And then you defend your own righteousness by saying they triggered you… thus hammering another hole in your “marriage boat”. Making your marriage worse.

The marriage boat is sinking and your self-righteousness is making it worse… it’s going to continue to make it worse and worse and worse.

You can’t fix it.

 

We can’t hammer our way out of a leaky boat.

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How hopeless this is for people who don’t depend on Jesus.

If you don’t, here’s how it is…

You know you’re on a leaky boat. You’ve made mistakes and your whole sense of self is tied up to being a good person.

So, when you see evilness in yourself, it threatens you’re whole identity of being a good person. And you can’t erode your whole identity by humbling yourself and saying you were wrong (!?)

Of course not! It wasn’t your fault, you were triggered, someone didn’t do something they should have… it was someone else’s fault.

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Do you see yourself in that description?

Are you following Jesus? Do you really believe in Him? Is He really your King, Master, Lord?

Is He mine? Every. Single. Day?

 

Our boat is sinking.

 

That’s why only in Jesus is there hope.

 

We need forgiveness for our sin against God and others.

We need Jesus over and over and over again.

 

Every day.

Every single action.

 

It’s pride to think we can do it ourselves.

It’s pride to think we’re good enough.

It’s pride to think we are righteous.

It’s pride, to defend our own righteousness.

It’s even pride to think we can do something great for God without Him.

That’s why our burdens are heavy. We think it’s our job to do what only God can do. We just need to be grateful slaves. Humbled servants. Dying to ourselves and doing it God’s way.

 

Humility means depending on Him.

Humility is coming before Him.

Humility is needing Him.

Humility is resting in Him.

Humility is being faithful to Him.

 

Humility is not contriving and defending an identity of perfection, it’s boasting in our weaknesses.

 

Instead, go before Jesus, hand your worry, your issue, your burden, your identity, your pride to Him.

 

Humble yourself… you can’t fix your sinking boat.

You need to be saved. Over and over again.

 

If you’re married… you have hurt your spouse. You have hurt others in your life.

 

And that was sinning against a precious child of God.

That was sinning against God.

That was tarnishing God’s name in front of them. You represented God and you did evil to them. That was sin.

 

Here’s your hope. This is the process.

1- Repent to Jesus —

Confess your need for Him. Accept His sacrifice for all of your sins, and believe in Jesus to be saved. Make Him truly your Lord. (Start reading the Bible and find a Bible-believing church to be discipled).

2- Every day after your first conversion, continue in the same way — repent of that new sin that He reveals. Come closer to Him over and over and over. That is His invitation.

3- Regarding marriage, your next step is to repent — tell them the wrong you did, own it, listen to and validate their hurt, and say genuinely how sorry you are that you hurt them like that. That you were wrong.

 

Guess what that means?

You’re strong!

Because you humbled yourself, that means you’re strong.

[God said:] “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness’

[Paul said:] For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor 12:9 & 10b)

 

Humble yourself today.

Accept Jesus’ sacrifice today.

Accept Him saving your boat today.

 

And then apologize to others you’ve hurt.

 

Don’t squander today.

You don’t know how many days you have left.

 

I am not right.

You’re not right.

Jesus is right. 🙂

 

Love,

Belah

 

PS — If you’re a husband, you want to love your wife the way she was designed by God to be loved.

Maybe you know you have hurt her, you’ve accepted Jesus sacrifice but you don’t know what to do next… this free training is going to be a big help.

The free Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations course will be coming on September 12, 2022 — Sign up here. delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining