345-The Value of a Clarity Call

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Clarity is crucial in a marriage because it allows individuals to gain self-awareness, understand their own emotions and behaviors, and without even realizing it, it can help you take responsibility for your part in the relationship dynamics. Maybe you didn’t “cause it” but you haven’t worked to solve it.

When couples face challenges or conflicts, it’s easy to blame each other or external factors without examining what is really going on under the surface of the behaviors. A Clarity Call encourages an individual to look carefully at themselves, their patterns, history, and reflect on their thoughts, feelings, actions, and current situation.

By engaging in a Clarity Call, individuals can identify their own patterns and unresolved issues that may be impacting the relationship. It helps them recognize their own biases, insecurities, woundedness, and areas for personal growth. Through a Clarity Call, individuals can better understand how their own behaviors and reactions may influence the dynamics within the marriage.

Believe it or not, a Clarity Call can also foster empathy and compassion. When Dana speaks with an individual — they take the time to understand their own experiences, process them, and become more attuned to their partner’s emotions and perspectives.

This increased awareness enables them to approach conflicts with empathy, communicate more effectively, and find solutions that meet both partners’ needs.

This is why the individuals on today’s call said this:

“After that call, everything that I went through, it was just like, all the pieces of a major puzzle being put together.”

“You make it very easy. You make it our lives are in chaos and you guys just speak peace right into that situation and calm it down to where we can unload what we need to unload.”

“It was a great experience something I’ll never forget because it was a great moment that I’ll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.”

From a current client:

“I am starting mod [module/lesson] 6 and absolutely amazed at what God is doing in me and my marriage. I listened to several of your podcasts today. Thank you for being so willing to share truth with those who have an ear to hear.

Thank you!”

Transcript

0:02
Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. Your joining me belah Rose is I dive deep into the beauty, power and truths about intimacy. Learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. delight your marriage.

0:19
Hi there and welcome. This is Bella. Oh my goodness, today is an awesome, just awesome episode of stories and stories of hope, stories of encouragement, and specifically stories of men and women who have joined a clarity call with one of our clarity advisors. And you’re going to hear from Dana, specifically who’s a clarity advisor. And she herself went through a delight your marriage program and she shares what is it like to get on a clarity call? And what is her process ahead of time? And and how does it really work? And then for those individuals who have gone through Clarity Calls, maybe they joined a program, maybe they didn’t? And just what was their experience? And what was it like? Because maybe you have listened to delete your marriage for a long time, and you’re just not sure this is a good next step where you’re just curious, what is it like? Well, in this episode, you’re actually going to hear from people who have done the process and what God has done through that process. And if they joined a program, and what has that been like for them. So we’d love to just encourage you give you some insight, kind of kind of open the hood a little bit into delight your marriage and see what God is doing here. So let’s dive in.

1:48
Hello, my name is Dana. And I am a clarity advisor for delight your marriage. And I wanted to come to you today to talk to you about my role as a clarity advisor, what it means to me what it means to the delight your marriage as a whole what the system looks like and how that process works. I’ll just start off by saying that this is the Lord’s work. And I was led here as a student a little over a year ago. And so I know the power of the Holy Spirit in this work. So it’s incredibly important that you know that my work here really and truly is by the grace of God. So what is a clarity advisor? Well, a clarity advisor is someone myself and we have one other gentleman His name is Kyle, we are the the first touch the first human touch that someone makes, when they want to get more information on delight your marriage, or they’re ready, their marriage is either on the rocks and they they’re ready to do more and to heal their marriage, or they’re in a marriage that they just know can be so much better. So a clarity advisor is that first human touch into delight your marriage. Most people listen to the podcast and become very familiar with Bella’s work, and then are invited through the podcast into a clarity call. They make an appointment, and they end up speaking to either myself or Kyle. Now, please know that I am strictly the women’s clarity advisor. But I also speak to men. And Kyle speaks to just the men. So once someone hears that they can make an appointment for a clarity call. They do just that they fill out an intake form, and then they meet with either myself or Kyle. And that meeting, I understand can actually seem really daunting at first because number one, marriage is obviously our number one priority on this earth if we are married, our husbands or wives, they are our number one human responsibility. So this call is extremely important to many people. And we want to make sure that it’s done with empathy and care and as much love as we can possibly pour into it. So when when a person comes into a clarity call, it’s it’s very daunting, because they don’t know what what the process is. But they do know that they’re either hurting or they’re looking for more. So my process on the other side begins with prayer. It always begins with prayer. I focus strictly on the Lord’s work. And I invite the Holy Spirit into the space that I’m working in so that I can come into my own meeting with compassion, with empathy, with understanding and with heart. I really and truly want to the other person on the line to know that I care and that this work is extremely important, not just to me but to the entire delight your marriage team and that we are very, very serious of about putting forth 100% commitment if there are a right fit for delight your marriage. So what does that mean? a right fit for delight your marriage? Can I just sign up and do the course and do whatever I want to do? Well, no, actually not. We set up a clarity call, number one, to work with people to understand whether or not delight your marriage and Bella’s material is the right thing for them. And then we also discern whether or not this is the right timing for them. Because we do not accept everyone into the program, we really want to make it clear that that their intentions are, are right, that they’ve got enough time to really spend in the material, and that they’re looking to be serious about it and really transform your lives. bellus material is not material that you just sign up for, check some boxes off with and hope for the best. No, no, it’s just the opposite Bella’s material and her the time that she spends. And the time that the mentor spend with their students is can be life transformative, if that student is serious. So I come into that meeting in the right mind space. And in our spiritual space, I come into that meeting with intentions to find out what’s going on. But also whether or not the student is a right fit for delight your marriage, because we just refuse to accept anyone, we’re not going to take money and just throw information out there. So we’re looking for the right fit. Because when the right fit comes, we know it, it’s very clear, and it’s very evident. So we go through this the clarity call process is approximately 40 minutes, give or take. And there’s just a series of questions and discussions that we go through so that I can understand and discern what I’ve mentioned already, and then from that process, this, this special client gets to do a little bit of homework for me. And then we come back and the next day or the day after that to finish up the call and to really see if this is something that will work for them. And if they are a student that we feel serious enough to take on. From that point prayerfully, the student joins, and I can put them into the program, I can put them into the delight your marriage community, where there are wives who are excited to not just be working on their own journey, but also to be pouring into others for support. That’s the women’s community, the men’s community is the same. They’re there for their own reasons. And they’re there for, you know, very specific life transformation. But it also becomes a really powerful place for accountability.

7:46
These women in the women’s community, these men in the men’s community, they are a very pivotal part of making sure that that you’re doing the work, and that you stay attentive to your goals. There’s a lot of prayer, there’s a lot of support. And there’s a lot of love in both of those communities. And at that point, if a student joins, if it’s a wife, then I get to join with her on the other side, because I am a graduate of bellows work. But I’m still a student, I will forever be a student because I forever want my marriage to be excellent. I forever want my marriage to love and serve God. So I get to join the women on the other side that always makes me really happy. And for the gentlemen that I get to speak to and bring on to the program. That’s the end of the road for me because I obviously am not in the men’s program. But it just It excites me just the same to be able to plug them in to where I know, they’re going to receive the healing that is waiting for them. I know that both the husbands and the wives that join our programs are really truly going to experience life transformation in their marriages, and then in their families for generations to come. Well, welcome Ray, I am super happy to be speaking with you again. Would you do me a favor and just tell me a little bit about yourself?

9:18
I’ve been married soon be 36 years. And she was my childhood sweetheart, high school sweetheart and have one son.

9:29
So I’m curious what led you to Bella’s work or delight your marriage in general?

9:35
I was at a just a place of desperation, looking for something that would give me a little glimmer of hope. And you know, I was like a sponge. Nobody ever spoken to my soul like that. And so I just started listening to that on the on the way to work, you know, you can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. And I think that is That’s That right there is what I, I believe the clarity call did for me because in our brokenness, God can take that and have a purpose that we can help somebody else that that that is going through that same thing. And that’s what you did for me that day. You were just that year. And and you weren’t you aren’t judgmental, you weren’t condemning? No, you were there. Because you have been there. And

10:28
right. So I know that for a lot of people, the idea of talking to a stranger, on a clarity call is a scary or intimidating thing. Did you have any reservations at all, as you were making the call appointment and calling in

10:44
no reservations, just apprehension, you know, the unexpected, and but no, I just, I want to say if the rest of the the clarity call advisors are anything like you, then I would say, you know, hey, it’s free, go for it. Because after that call, everything that I went through, it was just like, all the pieces of a major puzzle being put, put together. And he, he’s the puzzle, the Puzzle Maker. And he’s the woman that put it all back together. And he used he used, you know, dy M, and, and you guys in the clarity call to, to, to make the final piece put together. And you know, life is so great. Now, it’s beyond great. You know, because I know I’m loved. I experience feeling loved. And I look forward to going home and, and my wife looked forward to me coming home, and we look forward to, you know, doing so much together now. And you know, we’re not like roommates anymore. And so you know, I just the thankfulness in my heart just can’t be expressed how that that clarity call, I went back and listened to that call, and I just wept and cried because it was it was very liberating. It was very, it was I felt like a burden had been set free, because a lot of the stuff that I talked to you about, had been tucked away. For years and years and years and years, since I was a child. I can’t articulate how much it meant, yes, to be able to release all that. And that’s how important that call was for me. I mean, it was I needed for myself that that, you know, I could I could heal also, the places that I was wounded in my, in my in my cell. And that was a that’s why I believe it was it was a major, major help to me. And for anybody that is on the fence on whether they should or shouldn’t pay, it’s free. What have you got to lose? Because you won’t be sorry. I just, you know, I feel, you know, 110% wholeheartedly, that it was a great thing. And and if I was in the same situation again, I would I would do it again.

13:37
Yes, this clarity call process is one that just, it just accentuates the positive and helps you to look at what the challenges are that you’re facing, but in a way that like you said, they’re in the closet, they’re tucked back in your mind, and you’ve kind of forget about them? Well, this is an opportunity to look at things from a new perspective. So yeah, so I hear you saying it right. But you would you, you know, would you recommend a clarity call to somebody who isn’t quite sure if if it’s the right next thing for them?

14:12
You better believe I’d recommend it.

14:15
Well, Ray, again, always a pleasure, always a pleasure to speak to you and and the team is, is praying for you. We we’ve been thrilled with the changes that the Lord has brought you too, just from a clarity call,

14:33
you know, I needed something and and dy M was exactly what God prescribed. And it’s, it’s the real deal. Again, I can’t emphasize enough you and probably all the rest of the advisors. You make it very easy. You make it our lives are in chaos and you guys just speak peace right into that situation and calm it down to where we can we can unload what we need to unload? And I can’t I can’t thank you guys enough. I really I really can’t find my heart just can’t articulate how much it meant to me to be on that call. Wow, right

15:15
that is so sweet. And right back at you, honestly, thank you so much for those those kind words thank you.

15:24
It was it was a great experience something I’ll never forget because it was a, it was a great, a great moment that I’ll hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.

15:36
Thank you, Ray, thank you so much. Thank you so so much Fran, welcome. I am so happy to be speaking with you today. Thanks for being here. No problem. So let’s start off if you would don’t mind if you’d please tell us a little bit about yourself.

16:02
I’m married. We’re married to my husband of 20 years. This is our 21st year of marriage. We have two boys who are 23 and one turning 20 this year. But yeah, obviously, I live in the UK.

16:23
You know, for a lot of people. The idea of talking to a stranger on a clarity call is for some it might be scary. For some it might be very intimidating. Did you have any reservations coming in to your clarity call when you signed up?

16:40
Not really, because once it’s the Holy Spirit loop thing? And you say yes. To their spirit, you’re kind of just like going with it? Because you have no idea what to expect? Yes. I mean, who would even do talk about sex with a very your, maybe your closest girlfriend? Maybe? But other than that, especially not someone who’s on a Christian level? Well, that’s new. Yeah. So yeah, yes.

17:09
Absolutely. So what was it like to like to talk to me through that process?

17:15
It was really easy. I mean, once you filled out the form, because the form is what gets you to thinking. Because if you’ve never thought about it in that kind of way before, if you’ve never had to think about what how God thinks about marriage, or how, what’s missing in your marriage, and all that kind of stuff. And it’s the form you fill out first, prior to the clarity call, it kind of opens up so you kind of know what you you know what you’re going to expect on record. And after that, it’s really pretty easy, because you feel like you can open up. And the Holy Spirit is free then to, you know, on earth what he wants to unearth. But I think after the call, it gives you this hope it gives you that card that actually you only walk past this could be the answer that you’re looking for. That might Yes,

18:06
it does makes total sense. And I love the word hope in this situation, because we have, I have some husbands or wives that come in and their marriages are in dire straits. And being able to see hope, through the clarity call process just gives them a new path, right. And then we have husbands and wives who come in for Clarity Calls whose marriages are good, there’s good foundation, and they’re solid, but they could be so much better. So again, that hope sets in and just enables people to really dream about the marriage. Not only that they want but the marriage that honors God.

18:50
If it’s something if you’re married to something that’s been on your mind for a while, and you’re a bit stuck, I think and you’ve got these come to the place where you’re thinking either thinking about doing a cleric or you’re you’ve got one in the diary. I think the value of having it, it just puts everything out in the open. Yes. So like if you’ve because you might not have never spoken to anybody about it before, you might not have answered any of those or had any arcs yourself any of those questions before in the questionnaire. So it just the value of it, it just puts it all out in the open and makes you think afterwards you’ve got so you come away with like, fresh hope. And you come away with the last word. It’s called a clarity. Because if you come away with a bit more clearer understanding of what’s what’s, what’s happening, you come away with clarity, so I can see where you went there with the clarity call. Absolutely,

19:41
absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And would you recommend a clarity call to somebody who isn’t they’re not sure if it’s the right thing for them to do in this situation?

19:52
Definitely. Because sometimes you just need someone to talk to. You just need someone to air out Like, sometimes like, is it me? How cuz you might not even think that I didn’t think I had an issue with my marriage. And that the fact that if God has given us marriage with all pieces attached to it, and there’s a piece missing, then there is something missing. So, even if you’re not sure, well, is this a big enough issue for me to want to go through the clarity call? Then have the cleric or nickel find out? You know, use the person who’s speaking to and the Holy Spirit get together and say, Well, this is the way or not the way for you. But I would definitely recommend that even if you’re on the shelf or not sure.

20:44
Very, very good. Yeah, I remember our clarity call process like it was yesterday. Thank you, thank you so much for coming back in here and just giving, you know, people a little extra courage to take that step and to make that appointment. And just to come on in and have a good conversation. Welcome, James, I am extremely happy to be speaking with you today.

21:20
It’s been very helpful to me.

21:24
Excellent. I’m so glad to hear that. Would you mind starting off by telling us a little bit about yourself?

21:32
Yes, I am. So my wife and I have been married 16 years. And we’ve got two beautiful daughters. And We have certainly seen plenty of ups and downs. But she is I like to describe her as a very good patient. Wife, generally speaking, because she has to put up with a firefighter. For a husband, who’s gone every third day, she works in a high stress environment. In an attorney’s office with a lot of demands, and more more and more time demands. That I still have a hard time understanding, I’m trying to be understanding. But as of the end of 2020, she had told me that she wanted a divorce, she did not want to work on it. And I was absolutely devastated. And so I have searched all high and low. For things that I can do. I know one of the things I have learned is that I’m the only person that I can, that I can change. Yes. And so my attitude has been, you know, even if things don’t go the way I want them to. My goal is to be a better a better person, a better a better husband, a better father, and a better depression in general.

23:17
So masculinity reclaimed foundations course was something that you you took part in, and then you signed up for a clarity call. Right. And so for a lot of people, the idea of talking to a stranger on a clarity call is is scary. And you know, for some very intimidating. Did you have any reservations going into that experience?

23:42
I’ve certainly. So the realization of you know, if I wanted to see any improvement was that I had to be I had to be open and clear. And frankly, being in pain, that kind of the fear and shame became secondary to just wanting, wanting to make things better.

24:04
Yes. Oh, that’s fantastic. Yeah, that’s fantastic. So you were able to kind of drop that facade and really be you know, honest with yourself. And in that in that clarity call situation, then that’s what I hear and it’s fantastic James. So what was it like to talk to me through that clarity call?

24:27
So I can I can honestly, what we had the clarity call, it was so calming and peaceful to have you on the other end of the line. Just patient and gentle kind and a feeling that you really, you understood to some degree, kind of a failure like Well, you were there. You saw this Well, no, you didn’t actually but just that that feeling was very reassuring.

24:58
Well, thank you. That means a lot to me, James, I really do appreciate that.

25:02
So probably one of the one of the biggest things was simply being able to talk through each part of it and get it out there. And in a situation where, like I was saying before, I didn’t talk as as much as I wanted to about these things with my wife, because I felt I couldn’t. And trying to restore that communication and figure it out, and learn how I can but the enabler, just simply being able to talk about it was an illness. whitelisted and instead of feeling constantly missed on misunderstood, loads, questions, or things of that nature, instead of that, you’re there and reassuring. And it’s like a weight lifted off of me that I can talk about these things and not feel ashamed.

26:15
And what value overall, would you say you received from our time on the call together?

26:24
The biggest value for me was the the reassurance and relief that one I am. I am not alone. I am not the only one who has experienced this kind of emotional distress. And the reassurance that there is an opportunity to make things better. Anytime it’s not right to be able to set it right. Right. That reassurance is is huge. Particularly with something that i i only have partial control over. Right? That’s right.

27:15
So James, would you recommend a clarity call to somebody who isn’t sure if it’s the right thing for them to do?

27:24
Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, as a Christian, we know that we need good counselors. We need we need Jesus in our life. But the only thing I’ve struggled with and that is that I can’t go tap him on the shoulder. Hey, let me let me ask you about this. It’s all it’s all written down. I can pray? And the answer comes sometimes very quickly, sometimes. It’s a lot of silence. So the answer might not be No, but it might be not yet. Sometimes it might be yes, but having someone to be able to talk with and see if this aligns with their values. With, you know, where they are spiritually and emotionally. That’s, I absolutely recommend it. I think everybody has to examine that.

28:28
Excellent. So good. So good. Well, you know, James, I was very upfront and honest with you back when we met through the clarity call process and because it was a it was an honor to meet with you. You know, it’s I don’t take my job lightly. And I just, you know, really appreciate it when someone comes in, even if there’s a little bit of trepidation, a little bit of nervousness, you really just kind of accepted the process and enabled yourself to be honest and open with what you were going through. And that’s exactly what makes for a really great clarity call process. And so I just again, thank you, thank you so much for for that call. But also for this, you know, really appreciate you coming back in and just helping folks to understand that that it’s not super scary, that it is a process that is something that can just kind of jumpstart some change your heart and so thank you, thank you for your honesty and your openness and your willingness to come back here and and meet with me. I really do appreciate it.

29:40
Thank you so much. So,

29:49
again, I’m Dana, I’m one of your clarity advisors. I love this work. This work is infused with with God’s love and God’s Spirit. And a clarity call, although it may sound daunting on the outside is actually a really life giving opportunity. So I hope that I get to speak to you very soon. Thanks so much.

30:19
That’s just amazing. Thank you all for sharing your stories. Thank you, Dana. Thank you for being willing to share. It’s just amazing what God is doing. It is truly amazing. Let me let me pray for you as we wrap up, Lord, whomever is listening, God, I trust you with their journey. I trust that they are here, not by accident. But because you wanted them to hear something, whether it was nugget of truth that someone in this call said whether it was their heart, their attitude around loving their spouse, well, whether it was about their attitude towards you, whether it was about they need themselves to get on one of these calls and get in a program and see you transform them. Whatever next step is for them, I pray you’d make it so clear, so obvious. And just remind them, remind them of what it is that you want them to take with them on that from this call from this conversation, in Jesus name, and bless them this week. Amen. Oh, my goodness. So if you are in that category, where you feel the nudge, you want this, you want to see if God’s going to transform your marriage through these programs, and that first step is a clarity call, which, as you can tell is a pretty amazing experience. So don’t hesitate, go to delight your marriage.com/cc and get on a call with one of these fantastic clarity advisors. See what God’s gonna do through it, though, to delight your marriage.com/cc Do it now before you forget, delight your marriage.com/cc and especially with this episode going live space is limited. Things fill up and we would love to serve you so go there as soon as you can. God bless you. Oh my goodness. I’m so excited to see you on the other side. Take care

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