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469-How Her Love Changed Her Husband: Interview with Amy

At Delight Your Marriage, we have the incredible privilege of witnessing God’s transformative power in marriages every day. Today, we are beyond honored to share Amy’s story—a testimony of healing, restoration, and redemption.

How a Podcast Sparked a Transformation in Amy’s Marriage

Amy first discovered our ministry through the podcast, and in one particular episode, she felt deeply convicted about her role as a wife from a biblical principles perspective. As she listened, one question struck her to the core:

“When we stand before Jesus, will we be able to say that we loved our husbands well, or will we have a list of excuses?”

That moment of conviction was a pivotal turning point and led Amy to take a hard look at the patterns in her marriage.

Breaking the Cycle of Hurt and Rejection

Amy realized her marriage was trapped in an exhausting cycle of hurt and rejection. When her husband expressed frustration or hurt, she would respond by shutting down and shutting him out—including the area of physical intimacy. This rejection only deepened his pain, which in turn caused more outbursts, pushing them further apart. 

Round and round they went. 

Amy knew something had to change.

Seeking Help: A Life-Changing Clarity Call

That’s when she reached out and scheduled a Clarity Call, where she was introduced to the heart of our coaching approach. Through the program, she came to a powerful realization: she had been so focused on her pain that she hadn’t stopped to consider what loving him well actually looked like.

She learned that, regardless of her husband’s actions, she was responsible for her own mindset and behaviors. This mindset shift was the beginning of a profound transformation.

Embracing Gratitude Practice, Letting Her Husband Lead, and Aligning Family Dynamics

Her first big shift? Gratitude.

 Instead of seeing her husband’s contributions—like fixing things around the house or maintaining their cars—as expectations, she began to recognize them as gifts. This simple but profound change softened her heart.

She also felt convicted about how she had unknowingly taken control of their marriage and family decisions. Deep down, she wanted him to lead, but she had been the one steering the ship.

So, she changed course.

Through personal growth, she learned to step back and allow him to take his God-given role as the leader in their home.

And little by little, things changed.

The Power of Forgiveness and Apology

As Amy continued to grow, she felt convicted about her past actions. She humbled herself and apologized to her husband for ways she had contributed to their struggles. This act of forgiveness and vulnerability created space for genuine healing.

Over time, she witnessed a shift—not just in herself, but in her husband and their marriage as a whole. The relationship healing was undeniable. We were so moved by what she shared with us: “The Lord specializes in restoration and redeeming what is broken and lost.”

A Testament to God’s Restoration and Redemption

Today, Amy’s marriage looks entirely different. The patterns of hurt and rejection have been replaced by love, intimacy, and a renewed sense of partnership. Praise God!

God is absolutely still in the business of restoration and redemption, and we are so honored to witness His work in marriages like Amy’s. Let her story be a reminder that God redeems, he restores, and He can change things.

Be blessed!

Love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS – If you are stuck in this same cycle of hurt and rejection and want help in getting out, we would love to speak with you. Click here to schedule your free Clarity Call.

PPS – Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:
“When I started DYM, I was desperate to save my marriage. When Dana told me that I could do more than just save my marriage but could actually enjoy it, I literally laughed at her. I had given up hope of having a happy marriage. All I wanted was to avoid divorce at all costs.

Here we are a year later expecting our third sweet baby… I did, in fact, by God’s grace, do more than save my marriage!! I actually genuinely LIKE my husband!!

We are happy and healing and couldn’t be more grateful. God bless DYM. Thank you for having hope for my marital happiness even when I did not.”

 

Episode Transcript:

Dana  00:02

Hello, Amy, hi, Dana, how

Amy  00:05

are you? I am well. How are you?

Dana  00:09

I’m doing well. Thank you. I am super excited to be here with you today. Thank you so much for being willing to come in and and share your story. I’m excited to chat with you, and I would love to get started Amy, with just some information about you. So do you mind sharing with us just a little bit about yourself?

Amy  00:30

Sure. So I am married, and have been married for 16 years, and we together, we have four children we actually met and each had a child from a previous relationship when they were very young. And then we have two kids together. And so our older two are graduated and out of the home, and so we just have two left at home, and we both work full time, and yeah, just just busy.

Dana  01:03

Wow, wow, sounds busy. Yeah, that’s fantastic, though. What a blessing. Oh, I love it. I’m curious. Do you remember how you how you found delight your marriage? Amy, yeah,

Amy  01:15

it was several years ago. I had been doing some searches online, just looking for some marriage ministry help. And had come across Bela and listened to her briefly, and then there was quite a period of time that I didn’t and it was just this past summer that I received an email from her with some information about a podcast that she had released, and there was just something about it that caught my eye, and so I started listening again, just kind of brought me back to the program. Wow,

Dana  01:47

wow. That’s interesting. Do you happen to remember what, what podcast that was? Amy, the I don’t remember what it was about.

Amy  01:56

Got it? Yes, I do very much remember what it was about. It was geared for wives, and it was really talking about what the Bible is calling us to as wives. And so a lot of what Belah was saying was very, actually convicting for me. You know, just even for example of when we stand before Jesus, are we going to be able to say that we loved our husbands Well, or are we going to have a bunch of excuses? And when I stopped to think about it for a moment, I realized that I was a lot more focused on myself than I was on on loving my husband. Well, wow.

Dana  02:41

Wow. Okay, thank you for sharing that. Sure. Amy, that’s, that’s fantastic. And how did you decide that you wanted to, to look into doing a program, maybe, or the clarity call process? How did, how did that decision come about? Yeah, so

Amy  03:02

I after that podcast, I was listening to several more, and I was, I was right in the middle of just this quite a bit of difficulty in my marriage. There was this level of of tension that we had, and there were these, these cycles of anger and rejection and shutting down and that were taking place, and I was I was honestly feeling like hopeless and desperate, and I knew that, I knew, to some extent, that I had a role in it, but in my mind, I was looking at my husband and wanting to blame him for a lot of the things that were happening. And so, you know, I’d been listening to the podcast, and I had been hearing about, you know, schedule a clarity call, and I’d been hearing testimonials from others. And I thought, you know, I prayed about it, and I thought, I think this could be something that could help me, because I knew that we needed help. Wow,

Dana  04:04

that’s fantastic. Amy, and so what was the clarity call process like for you? It

Amy  04:11

was really easy. It was really smooth. You were wonderful to talk through, to talk to. And I, you know, giving a lot of information about kind of where we were at. And I think one of the things that I really, I guess, that was really impactful about that process was that I had to go back and listen to that call again. And it was actually really helpful for me to do that. And it was, you know, it was a little bit intimidating at first, but once we got on the call, it was, it was great. You made me feel really comfortable. And it was a, it was a smooth process. So

Dana  04:53

grateful for that, Amy, and thank you for your kind words. So that’s wonderful. I would like to just. Ask you a little bit more about the your experience in listening back to your recording. That’s homework that we give, right? And it’s, it’s unique. So I’d love your your perspective on that.

Amy  05:14

I was, you know, when you shared that, I was like, Oh my goodness. I, you know, I don’t really like to hear myself talk.

Dana  05:19

Yes, yes, I understand, but I remember

Amy  05:23

getting it, and I just put my earbuds in, and I just listened, and I listened to the whole thing at one time. And you know, my husband and I have quite the story, quite the history. And you know, I cried through it, and I just, I just remember thinking like, Lord, I need your help. I need help right now because we weren’t doing well,

Dana  05:44

yeah, right, right. Wow, sounds like perhaps it was just a little maybe, and correct me if I’m wrong, but maybe just a little bit deeper, yeah, under of your own understanding of the need for the need for help, so good. And it takes courage, Amy, it takes, you know, to it is the homework. And we do ask you to do that, but it but it does, especially when you’re coming from, you know, where you are coming from. It takes courage to do that. And you did it. And I remember that very vividly from from our clarity call that you did a beautiful job through that. So Amy, if you don’t mind sharing with me what were the challenges you were facing before you joined the program, sure.

Amy  06:35

Excuse me. So my husband and I had been together for 16 years. And just to give a little bit of background, we had previously been separated about 10 years ago, so we went through a lot, you know, fairly early on in our marriage, and really grateful that the Lord brought us back together and gave us a new start and a new chapter. But as time went on, I think just some of the issues that we had had, I think from the very beginning, were still kind of lingering there. And essentially what was happening is, you know, my husband might say something hurtful or become angry with with me for something, and I would shut down, and I would just completely close him off, shut him out, because I just felt this intense hurt. And then it would happen, you know, over time, here and there, and I think inside, I built up some sort of a resentment. And so then when he would try to make things right, I had a hard time forgiving, and that caused a lot of issues for us with sexual intimacy, because I just couldn’t, I just couldn’t go there a lot of times. And so when that would happen, he would just feel so rejected and heard, and then I think the hurt inside that he was feeling would manifest itself in anger of some way, you know, here and there. And so it was just kind of like this endless cycle that in my mind, all I could see was my hurt, and all I could see was that he wasn’t doing this, or he wasn’t doing that, or if he could just change and be this way, then everything would be better. And so I was just kind of stuck. And I remember, shortly before joining the program, kind of around the time that I spoke with you, just kind of sitting in my, my prayer closet and just thinking, like, is this? I remember asking the Lord, is this it? Is this what it’s going to be like for, you know, the rest of our marriage, because we’re, you know, our third child is getting ready to graduate high school, and then we’ll just have one left. And so, you know, not too long in the future, we’ll be, it’ll just be the two of us. And Right, right. Um, so I just had, I just felt this, this desperation and sense of hopelessness. And I know he did too. I know he was really hurting.

Dana  09:15

Wow, wow. Amy, how did the delighted wife program help you overcome these challenges.

Amy  09:25

Oh, there’s, there’s so many things that I learned in this program that helped me to better understand my role as a as a wife, biblically speaking, and I think the first part of the program was really like, I remember Belah saying, you know, you’re going to enter this program, and your mindset needs to be such that this is all about you. Like, it doesn’t matter what your husband’s doing, this is you are going to be. Giving your all to this marriage. It’s up to you, and that’s really when, like, my eyes started to come off of him, and I started to think about what I was doing, and I remember the gratitudes have been such a huge part of changing my mindset, because I was thinking a lot of negative thoughts about my husband, and so that’s that’s really early on in the program, where you start to, every single day, sit down and you’ve got to think of five things that you’re grateful for with your spouse. Yes, and I remember it was a little hard the first few days, but over time, it started to get easier and easier, and I started to see things that I hadn’t seen before. I started to see all the things that he does for our family, all the ways that he takes care of us and protects us. And you know, an example is that he is so diligent with taking care of our cars and fixing them, he can fix anything. And never once before did I really show appreciation for that. It was almost just kind of in my mind, this expectation. And so over time, I started to see my husband in a different light, and I started to really feel conviction from the Lord and through, you know, Belah coaching, about some of the things that I had I had done, things that I had said, kind of even the culture that I had created in my home, almost thinking that, you know, I’m the one that knows what’s going on. I’m the one that’s driving this family forward. I we weren’t in the right roles. I wasn’t I wasn’t allowing him to lead our family, and I realized that through the throughout the program and the coaching that I was receiving, I realized that I needed to forgive and to move forward, and that’s what Jesus calls me to and that’s going to continue throughout my life, and that’s just something that I have to do, because we’re all going to hurt each other at times, but it’s, you know, holding on to that resentment and things that I had done, I think, really did affect our marriage in a negative way. And also realizing that I’m not a victim, that that God created me for a certain role and a certain purpose and and now was I was learning about exactly what I needed to do in order to help my husband feel loved and cared for, and those, those three areas of focus, which are part of my daily prayers now, is that I would be able to respect my husband and who he is, and be able to admire him and let him know all of the things that I love about him and the things that he does well, and the things that I appreciate, and then really to embrace wholehearted sexual intimacy and letting him know that I love him in that way. And it was really amazing that throughout the course of the program, I had really prior to struggled with sexual intimacy, because all I could feel in those moments was just like, This is what you want from me. But when I took my eyes off of myself, and I was focused on, how can I love my husband? Well, like, Lord, help me to love David? Well, my it’s, it was really just this entire mindset shift that took place for me and and it became so much easier and so much more frequent. And he, I mean, my husband has not gone through the program for men, but he is like a different person today. Wow, Amy, our relationship is so different today than it was before. There’s a level of just love and respect and cherishing each other that was never there before. And so, I mean, there’s just, there’s so many different aspects of the program that made such an impact on me. But I think, really the the main one was the gratitudes and just every day realizing how grateful that I am to have such a wonderful husband. And yes, there’s going to be things that he struggles with, and there’s things that I struggle with, but there’s so many blessings that he brings to our family.

Dana  14:38

Yes, wow, oh, Amy, I’m curious, did, did he know that you were going through the program at the

Amy  14:47

time? He did, and he did. And yeah, he did. Because, you know, we, we both are involved in our finances, and I really couldn’t do it without him knowing that, but he was. He was supportive.

Dana  15:01

He was Yes, wonderful. I just love, just love to hear what you just shared, that he that he has flourished through your commitment to do this artwork, really, that’s so incredible. Amy, you mentioned a couple times. Well, you said, specifically. You said, I really felt convicted through, especially through Belah coaching. And so curious, if you would share with us what it was like for you to to be on the call live with Belah.

Amy  15:36

It was, it was awesome. I walked away from all of those coaching sessions just being just like, like, light bulbs would go off for me because of what she would say. And she I so appreciate that she never, like talked down to anybody, but she would challenge you, yes, and I like, that is what I needed. That’s what I truly needed. And I not only when she was talking to me directly, but even when she was talking to the other women on the call. I learned so much just from those conversations that I was able to observe of just kind of being challenged, and it was all so Biblically centered, yes, and I so appreciated that, like everything went back to the Word of God, and it was just very, very powerful and awesome. I

Dana  16:34

love that you use that word powerful. I agree. I agree. Amy, I agree. So good. What about your your involvement in the community and the delighted wife community? What was like? What was that like for

Amy  16:50

you? Oh, it was so wonderful. It’s so sweet to there’s a couple women in particular that I really connected with and that we talk frequently, wow, um, and it’s just, it’s amazing to me that now, I’ve never met these women face to face, but there’s this bond and this closeness in the sisterhood that we share every week, and we don’t have to fear sharing like the you know, The challenges we’re facing. Maybe we had a bad week. There’s no judgment, there’s no comparison, and it’s just us lifting each other in prayer, up in prayer, and encouraging each other. And that has been, I mean, that has been a huge part of the program for me as well. Wow.

Dana  17:37

Incredible. Incredible. That’s so sweet. And it’s, it’s just, it’s so important to have that safe space, yes, and it and it, you know, it really goes along with your your commitment to the program itself and supporting you through that Amy, I love that. I love that it was a really precious experience for you, and that you’ve developed friendships you know through that that’s that’s really incredible, really good, really good. How, not how. I wondered if you would share with me what, what was the most impactful moment of your time in the delighted wife program.

Amy  18:28

I think, do you mind if I share, just like a couple, you

Dana  18:31

share whatever you like? Amy, absolutely,

Amy  18:34

yes. Um, there was one, I think I was maybe midway through the program. And there was one day that my husband and I were, we were driving together. It was like an hour and a half drive, and it was just the two of us, and he had asked, he’s like, so how was, you know, how’s your program going? Like, you know, because I hadn’t really shared a whole lot, and so I was just sharing a few of, like, the highlights of what I was learning, and I started to get more specific, and it was just kind of the Lord opened this conversation for us, but I started to get more specific on what I was learning, like what I was realizing about myself and how I have contributed to Some of the hurt and pain in our marriage, and I just use that opportunity to tell him, like, Hey, I have been disrespectful. I’ve created a culture of disrespect. And I know that our our youngest daughter has kind of followed in my way to some extent, and I know that I’ve cut you down. I know that I’ve made you feel bad and and I used that time to give him a sure apology, which is really part of the program, but really get going into depth about what I did that hurt him, and take. Ownership of that. And I remember he was driving, and I remember looking over at him, and he just had tears coming down. And he doesn’t cry often, but he looked over at me, and he just said, You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. And it was just, it was just such a healing moment, I think, for for both of us. And wow, it was, it was very powerful moment. And then there was one other time in the program, and this is something that Belah had said during one of the coaching calls that is just so profound to me, and it’s just stuck in my mind, and it’s something that I have written down and want to continue to meditate on, but it’s what if you could love your husband so Well that it could free him up to do all of the things that God has called him to do. And when she said that to me, I just had this like these, like flashbacks in time of my husband just driving to work, sad, feeling defeated, feeling alone, feeling rejected, feeling hurt. And I realized in that moment that so much of what I’ve done has just consumed him with hurt and pain, and he’s not even been able to be free to live out his calling. And you know, in the way that God has called him to, because he’s been consumed so often by, you know, feeling that rejection and feeling that that pain, and I don’t want that to be the case moving forward. I don’t want that to be the case. I know that I did not start well, but I want to be able to finish well, wow.

Dana  22:02

Wow. Amy, thank you so much for sharing that that is so impactful and beyond your marriage, right? Yes, beyond your marriage, or

Amy  22:18

hearing my my 17 year old son say, Wow, you and dad are doing really good.

Dana  22:26

Oh, cool. Is that

Amy  22:29

so like our kids are now seeing how God is working in our marriage, and hopefully that that will stick with them throughout their lives, and as they you know, one day get married, yes,

Dana  22:47

the ripple effect, yeah, exactly. It’s so beautiful. Well done. Amy, really, well done. And praise God for every ounce of of the the shifts, the mindset shift, the the shift in forgiveness and and, and the conviction, yeah, the ownership, my goodness, it’s absolutely beautiful. Really, really sweet. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story with me today. Amy, we truly appreciate your time and your courage, your honesty to come in here and share these, these personal pieces with me. Before we finish, I wondered if you would please give some advice to a wife who may be in the same situation that you were in prior to joining the delighted wife program,

Amy  23:44

sure I’d be I’d be happy to my advice would be first and foremost, to seek the Lord with all of your heart and all of your soul and all of your strengths, and to cry out to him for help, and to know that he created marriage, and it is such an incredible and beautiful thing when it can flourish and that it is worth the fight. It is so worth the fight. Because just like you mentioned Dana, what you’re doing in this program can have ripple effects. I think that we live in a culture where quitting is very easy and it’s easy just to throw in the towel and say, This isn’t worth it. But my marriage is living proof that that is not the case. That’s right, that the Lord, like specializes in restoration and redeeming what is broken and lost. And if he did it for me, he can do it for you. There is no doubt in my mind. And I just would encourage any woman that’s hurting, that’s struggling, that’s. Hopeless. Just take that first step and do a clarity call, because there is a whole community of women that are waiting to support you, to care for you, to encourage you, to pray with you, and to be there right by your side as you go along on this journey. But it’s so worth it. Don’t give up, trust the Lord, He will. He will see you through.

Dana  25:26

Amen, yeah? Amy, really? I mean, that’s, that’s advice. It’s also a prayer. Yes, it’s so beautiful, so beautiful. Amy, is there anything else you’d like to add before we go?

Amy  25:41

I I just want to thank the dym staff and all of the volunteers that do what they do every day to help marriages flourish and thrive and help provide a pathway for healing Biblically centered. You know, you can’t walk into church and find something like this, because it’s hard to share these type of details with with people and feel safe doing it. And I think that dym is just the perfect place for that. It there. It is just incredible. What I experienced in just a, you know, four or five months. And I think I’m, I think I’m, I started in in the summer, so it’s been about seven or eight months since I finished. But it’s just amazing what God can do in that time frame. And so I just want to say a profound thank you to all of you. To Belah, you the staff volunteers that that do this, because it is so incredibly impactful, and it impacts the kingdom, and even we’ll never know all of the effects of what what God is doing through this program. So thank you so much.

Dana  26:57

Oh, Amy, on behalf of the entire team and Belah, I accept that, and you are so welcome. I mean, you’re right. The the impact is, it’s, it’s eternal, yes, and it is far reaching. And we are, we are in awe, trust me, every day, of of what the Lord does through the through him and through this work. So you are, you are from the bottom of my heart. You are welcome, Amy, and it really and truly has been an honor and a joy to just to know You right from the beginning, but to be able to come back here and hear this transformation in your heart. Amy, it’s astonishing. So once again, well done. Thank you so much. You’re so welcome. You’re so welcome. Thank you. Amy, you.