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Guiding The Next Generation Into Beautiful Marriages With Biblical Truth
(Re-Release: Formerly Titled ‘What Are You Teaching the Next Generation About Marriage?’)

Here at Delight Your Marriage, we’ve seen so many marriages transformed by God’s grace—couples who never thought they could feel close again, now thriving in ways they never imagined. 

But here’s the thing… what if we could help the next generation BEFORE they get married? What if they had the tools and the wisdom now, so they don’t have to struggle the way so many of us did?

Setting the Example of a Beautiful Marriage

Before we can guide the next generation, we need to make sure our own marriages are solid. Let’s be real—kids don’t just listen to what we say, they watch what we do. If they see love, respect, and joy in our marriages, they’ll want that for themselves. But if they see stress, distance, and unhappiness, they’re going to wonder if marriage is even worth it.

So, if your marriage needs some healing, that’s the best place to start. Don’t wait. Your marriage is your greatest testimony to your kids.

 

The World is Confusing–We Need to Speak Up First

The world is LOUD when it comes to relationships, identity, and marriage. If we’re not having these conversations with our kids early and often, they’re going to learn from someone else… and that’s usually not going to be a source of truth.

Here are a few key things we need to be talking about:

1. Helping Them Know Their Identity in Christ

We live in a world that tells kids they need to “find themselves” by looking inward. But that leads to so much confusion! They need to know—without a doubt—that God made them exactly as they are, on purpose. We have to be proactive in these conversations, helping them stand firm in their identity before the world really tries to confuse them.

2. What Marriage is REALLY About

Marriage isn’t just about being happy—it’s about fulfilling God’s purpose for your life together. So many people go into marriage with unrealistic expectations and get hurt because they didn’t know what to look for in a spouse. Let’s help our kids understand the beauty and purpose of marriage before they start dating, so they can make wise choices!

3. Setting Healthy Boundaries in Dating

Our kids are bombarded with messages that say, “Do whatever feels good,” but that’s not wisdom! We need to help them understand that sex is a GIFT—but it’s meant for marriage. That doesn’t just mean telling them, “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” It means giving them the tools and the why behind making those choices. When they understand the wisdom behind God’s design, it makes it so much easier to live it out.

Practical Help for Young Adults Navigating Dating

One of the hardest things for young people is knowing how to date wisely. That’s why we created our Pre-Dating Workbook and Video Course! It’s packed with a clear vision for a God-honoring life and marriage, the four stages of pursuing a spouse (and the mistakes to avoid!), practical skills for meeting and discerning a future spouse, guidance on setting healthy emotional and physical boundaries, and more.

If you have a son, daughter, niece, nephew, or someone in your life who is dating or thinking about it soon, this resource is for them! Check it out at delightyourmarriage.com/dating.

Providing Joy and Wisdom in Your Own Home

The key to influencing the next generation is NOT about forcing rules on them—it’s about showing them something better. Jesus attracted people to Him because He was full of joy and truth. That’s how we need to be! If we want our kids to listen to us, we need to be a source of joy, truth, wisdom, and peace in their lives.

 

Equipping the Next Generation for Stronger Marriages

We can’t sit back and hope our kids figure it out on their own. They need us to guide them, to give them resources, and to speak truth in love. If you feel a stirring in your heart, take action. Strengthen your own marriage as a testimony to them, start having open, honest conversations about love, identity, and marriage, equip them with practical tools like our Pre-Dating Workbook and Course.

Let’s raise up a generation that is confident in who they are, wise in how they date, and strong in their marriages. And most of all—let’s be praying for our kids. This is a battle, but God is greater. Thank you for being part of this. We’re in it together!

 

Be blessed!

 

Love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS – To check out the resources mentioned in today’s podcast, please visit delightyourmarriage.com/dating and delightym.com/cc for a free Clarity Call

PPS – We are excited to announce that the third book in our Pre-Marriage series, the Pre-Wedding Workbook, is becoming an eBook! Woohoo! Click here to Pre-Order your copy, set to release on February 28th.

PPPS – Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate:
“Before DYM, my husband and I were on the brink of complete and utter separation. We were not communicating. There was anger and yelling and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed in the same room. I was feeling absolutely helpless and broken. I feared for the future and for what would happen to our family. My health was being affected, and all of the struggles were really destroying both of us and impacting our children…Through the program, I realized that first, my husband is different than I am. Second, I learned that I was not respecting, admiring, or being wholehearted in my approach to intimacy. Third, I learned that the improvement that God was effecting for our marriage needed to begin with one of us, and that it was me who needed to start. Fourth, I learned how not to try to be perfect but to have fun and be playful. I don’t have to be so serious all the time. It is fun to joke around and relax with my husband, and it has created a much lighter and happier home for our children. Finally, I learned to see my husband through God’s eyes and determined to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses, without wanting any change but instead being grateful for all that he is in my life.”

 

 

 

Transcript:

Belah Rose  00:00

Belah, welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me. Bela rose, as I dive deep into the beauty power and truths about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. Delight your marriage. Hi, there. Welcome. This is Bela, and I have to tell you, I am so excited because we are about to share something that is just, I mean, it’s exactly what our clients have asked us for. For years, by God’s grace, their marriages have changed, transformed, shifted in ways they couldn’t even have imagined ahead of the programs. We hear that all the time. Somebody just posted in our women’s group, I something like, I’m living the marriage that I didn’t even realize was possible before this program. And like, that’s what God is doing. Here’s the thing, though, what if your daughter, What if your son had the skills, had the understandings, had the role modeling, had the wisdom, before they ever got married? Right now our kids, your kids, the generation, maybe your flock, if you’re a pastor, maybe those you lead, if you’re in ministry, somehow, maybe friends, nieces, nephews, whomever they are, desperate for guidance. They need guidance. And so, yes, that means that you need to make sure your marriage is strong and healthy, so you’re a good example. But also, how do you help the next generation? How do we help them? They are confused. They need guidance, and they need it to be 21st century. Life is very much online nowadays. So how do we help them navigate that awesome. So that’s what today’s episode is about. I’m excited to dive right in.

Belah Rose  02:16

So my husband and I went on a very special date on Saturday, because I know there are so many pastors that listen. Our church actually does a parents night out every couple of months, and so they take the kids for several hours, and it’s like a pizza and Movie Night, and the parents get to go on have a date for free, free childcare. And I’m like, my goodness, that is a wise investment into marriages. So just planting a seed that might be something to get started in your church, or suggest maybe you want to volunteer and have a couple other moms volunteer, and then you put something like that together so that marriages are helped. It’s, it’s important we need, we need date times and times to process and just fall in love again and remember why we got together in the first place. And so, yeah, dates are healthy and good. I encourage you to do that. Anyway, my husband and I got to enjoy that the other day, and we just had an awesome time. It was just so good, and it was so reflecting on God’s kindness. One really important thing about dates. Oh my gosh. Okay, so I’m gonna actually give you some a little tip. All right. Gosh, I wish men weren’t listening. I wish wives weren’t listening. Okay, how do I do this? All right, men, close your ears for just a second. Wives, if you want a really great date, I encourage you to have intimacy before you have the date. That way, your husband is so happy, he’s so relaxed, and he just can be totally over the moon in love with you during the date, then you’re gonna have the best time. Okay, that was for wives. Now husbands, this is for you. Wives. Please close your ears. Husbands, you will mess up the entire date for your wife. If you expect sex, she will feel pressured the entire time, and she will probably find some reason to pick an argument with you during the date because she wants a reason to say no to you later on. It’s a very bad thing. When a wife feels fully, fully emotionally connected to her husband. It does not mean she necessarily wants sex, not that moment. So she would feel very, very connected through a date. And then probably don’t expect it, though, that’s where you’re going to get off and get wrong and get into the bad zone. But more than likely, it’s after, the day after she feels so connected to you in a date. Is. And she’s like, oh, yeah, I could make love, but directly that day. No, no, no, no, no, please, please disassociate those two. It’s really going to harm even where you want your marriage to go. All right, so that’s the benefit of a men’s program and a women’s program. I can give tips like that without undermining the other party’s expectations. Okay, both of you can come back and listen at the same time. All right, so this is part of the conversation my husband and I had on our date. Was my husband has always been a, really a goal of his as a father has been that he wants our sons to be able to come to him as a friend for their whole lives, whenever they need help they want. He wants that that incur that I’m gonna go Dad, I’m gonna go to dad. I’m gonna ask Him for guidance and advice. And it was so fascinating because we started talking about some of the issues that kids are going through today with gender confusion. It’s, it’s really, it’s so sad. It’s just so sad how these children are growing up in a society where it’s just not evident, like they they have a have to be confused from the very beginning, what their who their identity is, and it’s just so false. It’s just so false. It’s obvious there’s no reason to cut up somebody’s body or to do chemical cast castration drugs like Lupron against little children. It’s It’s so, so so sad and bad and wrong. And we need to do our very best to help our kids, to just say, you know, as simple as it is, and yes, you have to say to young kids now, because it’s in the culture that we’re breathing right now. But even something as simple as you know this, you might see people get a little confused about if they’re a boy or if they’re a girl, but God made you a boy. God made you a girl, and so you don’t even have to worry about that. That’s who you are. So you don’t have to worry about that. They’re a little confused, and we can just pray for them and move on. And so those conversations have to happen early, early, but even like 889, 10, you’ve got to start having those conversations with the kids, because if you don’t, they’re going to be getting these awful conversations from people at school and just or on social media, or all sorts of things that really shouldn’t be happening, but they’re happening, and so we have to be wise as parents. So the next comment around that is, though, when you want to be a parent, let’s say of somebody, of a child that’s going to come to you for guidance, you actually have to have guidance to give you. Actually have to have insight and wisdom to give your child, because they’re going to stop coming to you if you don’t have an answer, if you haven’t thought through the hard question they’re asking you, and you actually have to do the work to find the answer. And it sounds maybe simple, but a lot of times we don’t think about that, and we can’t give our kids a pat answer of like, well, we don’t judge them. The truth is, you’re not judging for the purpose of condemning. You are judging for the purpose of discernment. You need to know right from wrong. You need to know wisdom from not wisdom. That is your job as the parent. You have to give your children guidance along the way, and you have to do it preemptively. You have to give them the guidance before they get there, because if, if they’re just reacting, if you’re just reacting, then they’re going to find their answers on Google. And let me tell you, that’s not a good place to find answers for a lot of issues, whether it’s about sex or gender or even or around Christianity, they’re not going to get good answers if they go to Google. You have to be that source, and that means you have to have proactive conversations, and you need to look around the corner and see what’s coming for my child, what’s what’s on the horizon, and how can I help them? How can I plant little seeds now that’s going to start their mind thinking so that when that conversation comes up, that their peers are going to say they already have the information that they need. I’m in New York City, so they see a lot of gay couples, and they see even children who have transitioned to the wrong gender. It’s extremely sad. They see a little boy in a dress at the playground. Those are happening, and you have to give guidance to your children ahead of time. They need to know there is nothing to be confused about for them being Orient. It in life is hard enough. It’s hard enough. You have to be one that’s ready to give guidance to your kids. So when we think about marriage, who’s informing their concept of marriage? Who? Because, if you’re like me and most of my students, none of us had a good role model, none of us, when I asked that question in my classes, so often, the vast minority of people raised their hand, did you have a good role model? Vast minority, and if they had a good role model. It wasn’t their own parents. They didn’t see it that up close and personal. I have to invite you to know there is absolutely a road map and a wisdom, and it’s based on the Bible in how you can thrive in marriage, not just survive, not just make it through, but thrive. Yes, 50% of marriages fail, but even about half of those marriages that survive are unhappy. And so even if you quote, survived the the child raising years or whatever. Were you modeling a great marriage so that your kids have a vision of, yeah, marriage is worth it. I want my mom and dad have Yes, sir. I am gonna wait even. I’m gonna wait to have sex because I don’t want to ruin the gift that I could tell my my own parents held in such high esteem,

Belah Rose  11:44

we have to be the example. We have to set the example. And we need to be ones that look around the corner and say, This is what my son this is what my daughter is going to experience. How do I give them the framework? How do I give them the insight? How do I give them the wisdom ahead of time, so they’re not caught like a deer in headlights when it suddenly pops up? You know, if you’re a dad or a mom raising a daughter, you need to let your daughter know about the realities of sex and that her body is very sexy and very attractive to men, not as a bad thing. She’s beautiful. Sex is so good and healthy and wise and it’s a gift from the Lord. But yes, men are going to look at her skin and skin tight things. Yes, yoga pants make when you walk by, there are eyes that follow you. Yes, don’t wear those things because, yes, you are attracting attention in a sexual way. You’re not attract people. They’re not looking at you because they think your outfit is cute, or they like the fabric or the way things fit in certain ways, it’s just so cute. You have to realize how sexually explicit your body is, and it’s a good thing, and it’s just so good for your spouse. One day, your spouse is going to be over the moon for that sexiness. Oh my gosh, but it’s not for the person that you just walked down the street next to. It’s not for the youth group. It’s not for the people at school. It’s not for these other individuals that get to see your skin, tight, body or actual skin. It’s not for them. It’s beautiful. Yes, it is, but it’s not for them. So being wise and compassionate about not only compassionate, yeah, compassionate to how other men, to how men think, but also it’s just wisdom, understanding how men think. And so when you walk around with certain clothing on the immediate thought goes to sexual content, and especially in our world today, where pornography is the norm and wrong and bad. Be clear, it’s a terrible, horrific sin, it’s an evil, it’s a bad but it is the norm in non Christian society, and sometimes in Christian men are often battling and fighting and warring against this as they should please be, be as cautious as you can to not inspire that. And it’s just, it’s just a wisdom thing. It’s just a men, you understand how men think, be wise and have courage to talk to your daughter about it. And how do you talk to your daughter about it? Maybe you don’t have the language, and maybe you have thought things through, or haven’t thought things through, or where do you get the resources? And it’s like, Belah, you’re telling me what to do, but how do I even have the resource? Says, well, that’s actually what I’m inviting you to know about next, is we, since the beginning of this work, which, by God’s grace, is extremely effective. So if you need help on your marriage to be an example, get in a program. Do the work yourself, so your kids have a good example, because they’re not going to listen to you. If you don’t actually have a good example of marriage, they’re just going to say you don’t know what you’re talking about, dad, you don’t even love mom. Or you guys are miserable. Why would I do what you’re doing? So you’ve actually got to have some some cred with your kids, which means you actually have to live it. You actually have to be happy in your marriage, which means you need the tools, the skills, you need to live it out. You need to heal your marriage. And you’ve heard plenty of transformation stories. Hopefully you’re you’re on board like it’s not a fluke if it happens this many times. So do the work that way? And if that’s your next step, do it delight Your marriage.com/cc? Is a clarity call. I invite you, please heal your marriage for your kids sake. Now let’s say you’re at that place where your marriage is healed and all the stuff and so exciting. God is good, amazing, amazing, amazing. How do we teach our kids? How do we help them have the pre marriage stuff they need to understand it properly? Well, that’s what I’m so excited about, as a seasoned marriage Coach and Trainer, by God’s grace, being able to truly see so many marriages, what they did wrong in the very beginning that kind of set them in the wrong direction, and helping young kids know before you even start meeting anyone. How do you need to look at this whole dating and marriage pursuit process as a person who follows Jesus. How can you do this wisely? Because often kids don’t even have a vision. They need to have a clear life vision. What does it mean at the end of your life to say, Well done, good and faithful servant. Okay, let’s start there, and from that vision of who you want to be at that moment. How do we then craft the person God would want you to be with to help you do God’s will better? Right? Because the whole point of having a good marriage is so you can do God’s will better in the earth. And what does that look like specifically to you? So you start with the vision of what you believe God wants for you getting that clear. And then from there, you get clear on who that person should look like, who they should be, okay. Then we talk about, what are the biggest mistakes that people make when they’re dating? And then we talk about, what are the four stages of the pursuit for a spouse? What are the four stages? And usually people think of it as three. And how do you transition from one to the other? What’s the discernment process? What should your focus be on during each stage? And then we go into how to find that person practical 21st century skills and tools and online dating advice and and flirting and all this. And what? What about Christian boundaries, physical and emotional? How do we have healthy boundaries? Because the thing is, sex is good and sex is healthy and sex is God ordained and wise, and oh my gosh, it glues people together. It’s so good, but before marriage, it’s not wise. It’s just not wise. Yes, it’s not biblical, but a lot of times we need, you know, we need to understand wisdom. Sometimes we’re like, oh, yeah, I know it’s not biblical, but what about wisdom? A lot of times that’s when somebody is like, oh, oh, now I get it. Oh, that makes a lot more sense. Okay, all right, yeah. And how do you put those boundaries in place? And what specifically so it’s extremely practical. What am I talking about is a pre dating workbook. It’s around 30 pages, super practical. And then from there, pre dating video course, to kind of go through it more, more in depth. Here’s someone telling you, from a biblical standpoint, wisdom, or this is you know, things you can you can go through yourself, and you drop seeds and hints here and there to help them have some guidance. But we have to be giving guidance to the next generation. They need that from us. It is confusing out there, and they need absolute concrete it’s not confusing. Don’t get confused about a self centered self identity. How do I look inside and feel.dot.dot.no you need to have. Create foundations that are not confusing. So you can go out there and do God’s will better. You can serve the poor. You can love people well. You can go out and and and fix world hunger. You can help wars to end. You can do things that are productive. Don’t waste your time on what do I feel? Who do I feel? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, it’s so self serving and so selfish, and it’s completely against the way God set this thing up. And we as Christians need to have a vision of a better future for our children, otherwise we’re gonna lose the credibility we have in their sights, because we don’t offer anything better. We have to offer a better vision. We can’t just say the world is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. What are we doing productively to fix it? And so that’s what I’m inviting you into. Let’s let’s help. Can you? Will you please help? Will you please help us? Help you to help the next generation. And so your next step, if you’re if you’re provoked by this or inspired, if that’s a better word, you can go to delight your marriage.com/dating.

Belah Rose  21:12

You want to join this cause. You’re like, yes, Bela, I want to do something productive for the next generation. I don’t want to just get anxious about it and be depressed and click on More news media articles that are so bad and no, we actually can do something. We have to do something. Maybe you’re going to go through the full video course, or maybe you’re going to buy that for a friend or a daughter or son or a niece or nephew, or somebody who’s dating or hasn’t yet, or or or what have you, just to give them the guidance, practical guidance, even things as simple as how to flirt, really, like, how, how do you meet somebody face to face? Or, how do you meet somebody online? Like, how, how and and give them those tools and guidance. And how to discern, how to discern if this is somebody you that’s worth your time. And how to give somebody courage and confidence that okay, if you say goodbye to this person, there will be the person that God has for you. How do you give that? And so this is I invite you to just join with us. Go to delight your marriage, com, slash dating. And most of all, this is a spiritual battle, right? It’s a spiritual battle for our kids, but we can’t neglect practical. We can’t neglect practical. We really do need the practical tools, and that’s the goal here. Please pray for the next generation and join us to help them. Let’s pray for them together. Lord Jesus, you you see all of it. You see all of it. And as the darkness gets darker, the light becomes more evident and it becomes clearer, who who actually follows the Bible, who actually believes the Word of God is true, who actually is committed to to laying down what’s comfortable and picking up their cross and following you? You did not leave us alone without guidance. No, we have concrete insight and wisdom that this world desperately needs. I pray God for the children in this person’s life, Lord, you know their names, you know their hearts, you know their stories, you know their journeys. I pray in the name of Jesus, God that you would open their eyes to concrete truth that they can have a fully confident peace that your way is the best way, that your way is the best way. Thank you, Jesus. I pray for those that feel stirred by this that they would take the next step, getting getting the word out, even to others, maybe sharing this episode with other parents that are concerned about the state of the world right now and how we can help what we can actually do. We have to give good guidance and wisdom and resources and vision and attract these kids towards your way, not push and force and guilt and make them feel bad and push them. That pushes them closer towards their friends that are going the wrong way, but attract them. Attract them through the joy of the Lord. There is something so peculiar about Jesus that even the sinners wanted to be around him, not the judgmental, not the judgmental, thinking they knew all the answers. Jesus was attractive, Lord, I pray for this one who maybe as a parent. Or an aunt or a grandparent or an uncle or somebody who’s got kids that are somewhat near him, even if it’s a person out of church, a single person who you Father, I pray you would give them a goal of attracting people to yourself. What does that look like in their position of leadership? What does it look like in their position of influence? What does it look like with those that they have a voice into others hearts and lives? God, I pray for courage for this one to keep this as a spiritual battle in their heart and to do something productive, to be attractive, because your word is true and it is so, so wise. We love you, Lord, we thank You. Amen. Okay, wonderful listener. God bless you. Please share this far and wide, maybe, maybe God wants to do something dramatic in lives, and you can be the exact person that shares an episode that would do just that. Thank you so much for journeying, for CO laboring with us in this God bless you, and we’ll talk soon. Go to delight your marriage.com/cc. If you’d like a program for yourself to see what God will do to transform you when you avail yourself to his wisdom, and then go to delight your marriage.com/dating. For for pre marriage and pre dating. Delight Your marriage.com/dating. God bless you. Thank you. We’ll talk soon. You