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Freedom from The Purity Culture Half Truths

If you’re anything like me, you grew up knowing that sex was something to be saved for marriage. Maybe you heard it in church, at youth group, from your parents, or maybe it was something just understood. You were told to “save yourself,” and by God’s grace—you did.

But now you’re married. And… what gives?

Why is this thing that’s supposed to be beautiful, powerful, and God-designed… still clouded with guilt? Why does it ffeel so hard to enjoy? Why does it feel wrong?

Friend, I get it. I was right there with you.

Why Christian Wives Struggle With Sex After Marriage

See, the problem is that many of us were given half-truths about sex. Yes, sex is meant for marriage. That’s clear in Scripture (Matthew 19:5, Hebrews 13:4, and so many others). But what wasn’t clear—what was never really taught—was what happens after the wedding.

We weren’t told that sex could be joyful, playful, passionate, and a gift. We weren’t told that it was meant to be good for you, dear wife—not just your husband. We weren’t told that God is the one who designed our bodies with tens of thousands of pleasure-sensitive nerve endings. That He’s not shocked by desire. He created it.

Instead, many of us internalized the message that sex is shameful, dirty, and something to be tolerated—maybe even resented. And so, we carried that shame right into our marriages.

My Personal Journey From Sexual Shame to Intimacy

I didn’t grow up having “the talk.” There was no open, healthy conversation about sex or my body. What I had was silence, shame, and confusion. I stumbled onto pornography while innocently doing homework one day, and curiosity turned into a struggle I couldn’t shake for many years.

And even though I was a virgin on my wedding night, sex was not what I expected. It was painful—physically and emotionally. My husband and I didn’t know how to understand each other. I assumed if he really loved God, he wouldn’t have so many desires. I didn’t understand that God made him that way—and me, too. But I didn’t feel free to receive that truth.

But God brought me on a journey of healing—of discovering what His Word really says. That sex in marriage is good. That it’s for unity. That it’s for mutual joy. That “May you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19) is not an embarrassing suggestion—it’s God’s idea.

When Sex Feels Like a Chore Instead of a Gift

Even with this new desire, I still didn’t (and still don’t!) have the same drive as my husband. And often, I would fall into that trap of “duty sex”. Yes, I know what that’s like. I’ve done it. I’ve gone into intimacy just hoping to avoid conflict. But friend, that’s not God’s best. That’s not what He dreamed up when He designed your body or your marriage.

When I engage in intimacy from a place of love and trust, I come out of it refreshed, connected, grounded. Even if I wasn’t “in the mood” at the beginning, choosing to lean in with the right heart often opens the door to real pleasure—real bonding. It’s a spiritual gift.

Are Your Sexual Boundaries From God—or Just Tradition?

One thing that often hindered this connection and desire was the restrictions I put on my own self, but where had these even come from? They weren’t from the Bible. Sometimes, the rules we put on ourselves aren’t in the Bible—they’re just tradition, fear, or misunderstanding. 

I want to challenge you to ask: Is this boundary actually from God? Because Scripture gives us boundaries to keep sex holy—but it doesn’t micromanage how you express love with your spouse.

God is not offended by pleasure. He invented it.

Let’s stop walking past the “sunset” He painted for us in this area of our lives. Let’s slow down, take a breath, and receive the beauty.

How to Heal From Sexual Shame and Embrace Freedom

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a step-by-step path out of shame and into joy. And yes, sometimes that means trying something a little new—changing up the lighting, experimenting with different types of touch, or even using intimacy accessories (yep, I said it!) to help bridge the gap between desire and delight.

And no, not every time has to be earth-shattering. But what if some of the times were breathtaking? What if the oneness and the joy and the laughter and the satisfaction made you say, “Wow, thank you, God”?

Because He deserves that praise. He made you for this. He wants this for you.

Final Thoughts

Sweet sister, I’m so proud of you. You’ve already taken a step by reading this far. Don’t stop now! God made your body for beauty. He made your marriage for joy. And He made sex for you, too.

With love,

 

Belah & Team

 

PS – If you want to check out the Pre-Marriage workbooks mentioned in today’s episode, check out our Amazon page. All three are available now!

PPS – Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“My faith has grown. I am praying more from my heart in conversation with God instead of sending him my “wishlist” of prayers. I am desiring to read my Bible daily and hear God’s message for me and know his direction and leading in my life. I am more playful and fun! Playfulness not only brings me joy and makes me feel “lighter” but I’ve seen it affect my husband and kids as well. We are a more joy-filled family. Our growth in intimacy is a big celebration. I better understand the freedom God gives a husband and wife in sexual intimacy and so I feel free to be creative, spontaneous, fun, and confident with my husband.”

 

Transcript:

Belah Rose  00:02

Belah, welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me. Bela rose, as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truths about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. Delight your marriage. You

Belah Rose  00:22

Belah, Hi there. Welcome to delight your marriage. I’m Bela rose, author, trainer and coach, and by God’s grace, delight your marriage has been able to help people around the world for about a decade now, which has just been incredible. And so today’s conversation, I really want to focus on the purity culture, because a lot of our listeners grew up as Christians, and whether they’re in their 40s, 50s, or even in their 20s, have been impacted by what is often referred to as the purity culture, but it causes A lot of whether it’s guilt or shame or just feeling that sex is dirty or not something to be enjoyed by women. And so I am really interested in just talking through that, because a half truth is really difficult to discern. We’re going to talk more about that. If this is interesting to you, if you really want to dig deeper, I just want to throw in our website ahead of time so you’ll know where to go for next steps. Delight. Ym.com/cc is our free clarity call, where we can listen to your story and see if we can help you. And this is really our specialty, to help women break free and gain enjoyment and love and satisfaction and desire even, and pleasure from this good gift from the Lord called sexual intimacy, which is so important to your marriage. So if you’re interested in that delight. YM, com, slash, CC, alright, so let’s get into the topic for today.

Belah Rose  02:14

So if you’re like me, I had the great grace to grow up in a church environment that taught the Word of God. So what I knew early on was to save myself for marriage, which was typically the way of talking about it, saving myself. And I don’t know even if what I think about that phrase anymore, but what I do know is the biblical truth that sex is meant for marriage, and that is true, and that never changes, because the word of God is true today, tomorrow, forever. And so we actually have a series of pre marriage workbooks. So the pre dating workbook, the pre engaged workbook, and the pre wedding workbook. So what this means is the pre dating is for people even from 12 years old up, because essentially, if you don’t know who you’re looking for, you certainly will fall in love with the wrong person. And if you don’t understand biblical guidance on what’s okay in the dating relationship and what’s not, you’re going to really have a hard time. And then, not only that, where is it that you want to be going in your life figuring that out early so you don’t align somebody, align your self with somebody who’s in the wrong zone, so that that’s what the pre dating workbook is really focused on. So in the pre dating workbook, we talk about boundaries, and we talk about what the Bible actually says about marriage and about intimacy, and we just start out with in the appendix, actually we we talk specifically about the scriptures. Matthew 1911 says Jesus said, For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. And so it’s clear that Jesus is talking about a purpose for sex, and he’s talking about in the confines of marital intimacy. Also, it’s very clear in other places of scripture that we are talking about sex in the context of marriage, and that is the right place to have sex. So for example, the different biblical boundaries. First, Corinthians, 72516, 13 through 16. First, Thessalonians, four, six, I’m sorry, four, three, Matthew, 532, are all clearly talking about fornication, sex outside of marriage as not being okay, sexual immorality, also adultery, sex with anyone who is not your spouse in Act or heart. Matthew 528, Jesus talks about that. Hebrews 13 four, marriage should be on. By all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. And then there’s so many good scriptures about marriage, sex in marriage, which is what I really want to focus on. But essentially, these are true verses that sex needs to be saved to marriage that even Paul talks about, I’d rather you all be single, because essentially, you can do more for the Kingdom. You’re going to have trouble if you get married, because you’re going to have to please your spouse. And that is, is almost verbatim what Paul says. But he says, however, for sexual immorality, I would it would be better than burning for passion with passion. It’d be better that you get married so burning with passion is meant to be in your marriage. Why I say all this is likely these were passages that you really had the opportunity to focus on when you were young, and your parents and your youth leader and your church members wanted you to not engage in sexual intimacy until it was the right time, and that’s awesome, because maybe you did, maybe you saved yourself for marriage, and that is wonderful, but now, or even it was decades ago, but, But when you got married, it was like, Well, wait a second, I switched off that. That that function in my brain. How am I supposed to open it back up all of a sudden? You know, maybe you grew up curious about sex, and, you know, your mother, unfortunately, never talked about it, so you felt like, oh, that’s dirty and wrong. Or maybe she had looks that made it seem like this wasn’t okay. And maybe you never got a sex talk. I surely didn’t. And and instead of thinking that your body is beautiful and wonderful, and actually, what the what Song of Solomon says, A paradise between your thighs, maybe you got this um undercurrent of it’s dirty and disgusting. I actually remember growing up thinking, well, I’ll save sex for marriage, because when I get married, my husband will finally see my body, and it’ll be too late. I mean, I thought I was really gross. The areas that I now know my husband likes maybe the best were the areas that I felt most ashamed of and felt was most really gross. And so I had this conflated view of Scripture, saying, Hold off till marriage. And then this lack of conversation, lack of understanding, and almost like my curiosity was batted away as wrong, and so I thought it was evil. My personal journey included pornography exposure because I was curious and wanted to learn about sex, and I stumbled upon it accidentally by doing my homework, of all things. And then I got addicted, because it started out with curiosity, like, Oh, yay, I can learn about sex, and no one’s going to I’m not going to get embarrassed at school because I’m the only one who doesn’t know. And then it became something that was arousing, and then something I came back to over and over and over again, no matter how many times I repented, no matter how many times I tried to get away from it, it just kept coming back. And so you might, you might have had that in your past, but that’s that was another reason that I felt it was evil and wrong and bad. So when I got married, I was a virgin, but I really had a lot of hang ups because I was so I just, I just really felt it was wrong, felt it was so wrong and, you know, even though I had exposure to pornography, I think, I think my exposure wasn’t quite what some some exposure is and and so my my husband, was very much anticipating a lot of freedom in sexual intimacy. And I thought the only way he even knew about those things was sin, and if he had kept himself pure before marriage, we wouldn’t be having these issues. And so there was just a lot of of pain around that. In fact, so much that, you know, sex, even though I was a virgin, for in the in the beginning of my marriage. It was painful. It was painful physically. It was painful emotionally, because we were so misunderstanding what the other needed in that area. And so basically, what I want to do that’s, that’s my story and and how did I get out of that? Well, God. Is so kind and took me on a journey that I didn’t expect, and now I’m here as a as a woman, that is is sexually whole and healed. And does that mean that I desire it all the time, or that I suddenly have the libido of a man? No, that’s not what it means. But what it does mean is I can, I can drop into pleasure. I can drop into desire and passion and fun and playfulness in intimacy, because I know that God smiles upon the gift that He’s given me and the gift that He’s given my husband, and the unity he designed it to be. Because if we really believe what Jesus said, For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and wit and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. What is one flesh? It’s got to be talking about sex. It’s not talking about even having the same address. It’s not talking about having the same dish towels or sharing the same car or having the same last name. It’s talking about flesh. That’s Jesus talking about flesh a oneness, and not just that. I would love to share some other scriptures that just show that sex is good and it’s God’s design. It’s the way he made you. He wants you to enjoy this so Proverbs, 518, may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, a loving doe, a graceful deer. May her breasts satisfy you always. May you ever be intoxicated by her love. I think that is the coolest thing, intoxicated. What is that? I mean that that’s drunk, that’s that’s unable to to

Belah Rose  11:58

appropriately function because you’re so inundated with love. I mean, that is amazing. What if sexual intimacy at times, not every time, don’t, don’t, don’t, decide this is pressure for you to enjoy this experience every time. But what if sometimes it was so satisfying that you both were just, wow, wow, that was amazing. May you ever be intoxicated with her love. I mean, consider that that’s the word of God. If you think other chapters and other verses in the Bible are worth you know, putting your trust in and your hope on, why? Why would we ignore and throw out the ones that are talking specifically about sexual intimacy? That is our guideline, that that’s what’s giving us the encouragement and the go ahead for it. First, Corinthians, seven, five, Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourself to prayer, then come together again, so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control. So this is actually, again, an opportunity for us to serve the other, for us to say, hey, I don’t want you out there without being filled up. I want you to feel filled up and loved by me. And that verse could have had bad connotations in your life. Maybe it’s like, oh, I have to fill my husband’s desire. This is awful, and I’m just going to deal with it. And I’ve had that temptation. In fact, I have done that before I have, you know, sometimes people call it duty sex. I’ve done that. I have, I’ve been in the head space of like, oh gosh, alright, I’ll do this, just so he doesn’t get crabby for the next few days. And and what I know about Jesus is that is an icky part of my heart that I have to I have to own the opportunity I have as as a wife, to say, I love you. I want you to be intoxicated by my love. I know that God has given me the green light for this gift. A few exciting verses about sexual intimacy, Song of Solomon’s 216, My beloved is mine and I am his. He browses among the lilies. One, two, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. For your love is better than wine. Seven, one through four, your rounded thighs are like jewels the work of a master. Hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Verse four, seven through nine, you are all together, beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you. You have captivated my heart. My sister, my bride. You have captivated my heart. Isn’t that beautiful? Aren’t those just romantic and and sensual encounters and experiences with each other. Sex can be that, and it’s blessed in Scripture. In fact, there are different flavors of sexual intimacy is intimated in Scripture. For example, oral sex is intimated in Song of Solomon’s talking about tasting his fruit and his pillar, and it’s under the apple tree. I mean, these are really, really in romantic language, in language that even children could still read the Bible without understanding what they’re talking about. But scholars agree that that’s the topic. That’s That’s what the Bible is saying. Yes, enjoy. You know, I’d love for you to think about Adam and Eve for a moment. You know, because when they walked in the garden, they were naked and they were unashamed. They were naked and unashamed. So imagine gorgeous, wonderful garden husband wife, meant for each other. The husband is clearly wonderfully attracted to his wife, because first thing when he saw her, he’s singing a song, writing a poem of how beautiful she is. And so why would intimacy not be part of that entire experience? But think about it this way, God is walking amongst the the plants and the animals and the garden that he created. Can you imagine there was no shame. They were making love that was a normal part of their existence, right? Be fruitful and multiply. How are you fruitful and multiplying? There’s only one way, and it’s sexual intimacy. But the funny thing is, and I talk about this in my book, delight your husband, if you’re a wife that that wants to learn more about passion and confidence and really work through some of these things, I invite you to have courage to take the time to read that, because the first two thirds of it is is not about the particular flavor of sex that I that I discuss in The book as well, but is really about you processing your baggage around this topic, around the topic of sexual intimacy. And if you just think about it this way, let’s say God wanted us to have vitamin C in our bodies. I mean, it’s pretty simple. You eat an orange and then you’ve got vitamin C in your body. But the thing about sexual intimacy and and being fruitful and having babies is that is not a sure fire way. It’s not like a once and done. It’s generally a process. It’s generally more than once. It’s it’s different time of the month. It’s different this. It’s different that. And I just encourage you to think about God blessed this. He had every reason to say, Hey, don’t do that, except that, not only did he give a garden, he specifically said they were naked and unashamed. So I guess the thing I really want to invite you to consider is that God made your genitalia and he made your husband’s genitalia. So just think about that for a second. God didn’t finish making your husband’s member and wonder, Oh no, I made this sexually around sitting, oh no, the blood’s going to flow in when he gets excited about a visual and oh no, this is what’s going to happen. Actually, God designed it that way. Actually, this is the work of God’s hands. This is something to be enjoyed just as much as a sunset. This is God’s design. In fact, recent research says that there’s 8000 endings, nerve endings in the husband’s penis, and there’s somewhere around 10,000 in the women’s and the woman’s genitalia as well, which means that that God actually purposed pleasure in your genitalia like that’s actually what he did. So if we really believe the creator of the universe knit us together in our mother’s womb, sexual experience and pleasure. Is actually purposed for you, dear wife. In fact, it’s purpose for you more so than your husband, if we’re just counting nerve endings, which is really incredible. Now you might be at a spot where Belah, I do not enjoy sex. There is not pleasure for me. Well, what I know to be true is that when I decide to make love and I decide to have pleasure, then pleasure comes. And what I mean by that is almost everything in my life I can rush past and I cannot enjoy. I mean even some fine dessert I can just and then I don’t enjoy it, and I don’t savor it, and the flavor and the enjoyment and the experience is completely lost on me. And I’ve done that plenty with every area of my life. I just I’m just rushing, rushing, rushing. But what if I decided ahead of time in whatever scenario I’m gonna really enjoy this, even if it’s a walk in the woods like this is my opportunity to enjoy, to gain pleasure from my Creator. And then when you have that perspective, you do, you do gain pleasure. It’s like you have to make it intentional before you gain that pleasure, which is why I wanted to give you these verses ahead of time to say God actually purposed you to have pleasure. Yes, before marriage, you were not meant to engage in that, but now you’re married, and unity is the name of the game, and pleasure is is purposed by God. In fact, Song of Solomon’s lady, she was actually more

Belah Rose  21:53

what would I say? More desirous? She has more words in the song of Solomon’s than the husband. So it’s almost like she was pursuing him more so for physical intimacy than even he was. And again, what does that mean? It means that a woman pursuing sex is a good thing. It’s not a dirty thing or an evil thing or something that God would look down upon. What that unfortunately is, is the way you grow up. It is the way that that maybe some well meaning Christian wanted to keep you from doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, but I want to just encourage you, sister, we’re at a spot in our lives where pleasure is meant for you, and so you can walk into it with boldness, with courage, with joy, just like you walk into a forest and expect to enjoy God’s creation, just like you look at a sunset that’s just gorgeous, and you say, God, Thank you for this beauty I don’t deserve to experience your love through a sunset, but I get to if I have that perspective, because there’s plenty of people that walk by the incredible sunset that our God took time with the brush, stroke of heaven, with the Paint, brush of heaven. He took time to to craft it for you and for me. And so many times we just walk by it. We rush by it. We’re too busy for it, and and yet we’re we’re wondering if there is a God, and it’s like, oh my gosh, are you missing every bit of his handiwork. Are you missing it? And the truth is, not only is it a gift for your pleasure, but it’s a purpose. It there’s a purpose. There’s a oneness. There’s a unity that comes through it, that comes through this experience. Now I want to be completely transparent with you, because if I’m making something up and then I’m sharing with you that you should enjoy something that I don’t, I mean that would not be good. Here’s what I have figured out in my time married and seeking to live this out, is that sometimes I’m there. Oh my gosh, I am there. I gain pleasure. I am I am so excited, all my desire, all my fun, is there, and it’s and it’s great. And it’s not just engaging in one way, but it’s also engaging in another it’s just so good and spiritual and just loving. And I come out of that fully filled in my heart and my body just really good. And there are plenty of other times where I’m just like, Okay, we haven’t made love in a little while. And. I need to get in there and make love with a great attitude, and I just I don’t have the emotional energy to do all the bells and whistles of engagement right now, but I’m there, I’m showing up and I’m smiling and I’m loving on my husband, because I know that’s right for us. And sometimes it starts with an attitude change, and I’m like, Okay, I’m gonna do it. And yes, I pursue my own pleasure because that’s a habit. At this point, I pursue an orgasm because that’s a habit. It’s not necessarily a like, an A spontaneous desire. It’s more of a like, okay, we’re in the middle of this. Yeah, I’ll go for it. But it’s less of a gosh, I just want this ahead of time. That’s not always the case. Sometimes it is. But I have absolutely had a process of going from sex is literally, physically painful, it is evil and dirty and wrong, and I don’t have pleasure. And by the way, I just hate this whole thing. That’s where I was. That is actually where I was, and I I had to engage in an intentional journey of freedom to say that, no, no, this is a gift from the Lord. This is something he wants me to enjoy. This is something he wants me to pursue with my husband and the fruit is so good. You know what I mean, the the when Jesus says, You will know them by their fruits. You know the fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. The fruit is good when I make love to my husband, oh my gosh, we are in sync. There is a oneness that comes through. So I know sex has good fruit for me and for him. And a lot of times you’re a wife, and maybe, maybe you have have noticed this or not, but a lot of times I don’t know ahead of time that I’m on edge and feeling a little controlling and not really in my peace zone. And then I make love, and I pursue my pleasure in orgasm and, and, and I’m different afterwards. I’m just like, I didn’t know I needed that, but my gosh, thank you. And I can even say thank you Lord, because that’s his gift. That’s his design. I didn’t make it up. I didn’t give myself the ability to orgasm. That was God. God gave you, dear wife, the ability to orgasm. Maybe you’re at a spot in your life where you’ve never experienced that. I just want you to know it is possible. For a long time, I didn’t and I felt broken for a long time, but I want to just invite you to know that God did design your body. He did design your 10,000 nerve endings in your genitalia. He did design your clitoris to respond and to get engorged with blood around sexual intimacy, but I’ll tell you, a lot of it starts for women in the mind, we have to make that decision first, go towards it and respond. Well, respond with I anticipate pleasure. I anticipate I’m expecting good out of this experience. And so when I say that, you know, sometimes I have these amazing experiences, and sometimes I don’t, a lot of it is just, am I energetically able to get there? Am I is my emotional reserves enough that I can really engage in, in all that intimacy can be, like I said, that intoxicated zone that we we would love to get to. I mean, do it, lady, I encourage you. But also, don’t put that pressure on yourself. It has to be. Every time it does, it doesn’t. Sometimes it’s really a gift. And it as long as you have a good attitude, you really can enjoy sexual intimacy, even if you’re you’re so depleted, I encourage you to to be creative. There are a lot of ways to have intimacy, and both of you gain orgasms. Have orgasms without intercourse. Hands can can work. Mouths can work different. I call them intimacy accessories, or marital aids, which are, some people call them sex toys, which let’s intimacy accessories. I prefer those, those titles, but the way to think about those, you might say, oh, that’s awful. That’s terrible. That’s definitely not the way God wants us to be. We just want skin on skin, and if anything else, it’s it’s not right. But I want to invite you to think about going to the grocery store. Back in the olden days, you would have to walk to, you know, the marketplace, and. And then eventually you, you know, had to have, you had a buggy and a carriage, a horse drawn carriage. Okay, great, and then that was a little faster to get to the market. Now we have a supermarket and we drive. Does it mean that we should go back to walking, because that’s more natural, or we have to take the carriage and horse, because that’s, you know, not. It’s a little more traditional. No, we can take cars. It’s okay. There’s no biblical reason not to. And that’s what I want to think about. Why? Why walk to the supermarket when you can drive? And that’s what it’s a it’s a technology marital intimacy aids or intimacy accessories. It’s a technology, but it’s meant to get you to that supermarket a little faster.

Belah Rose  30:47

Some of us have many hours to engage in intimacy on a consistent but many of us don’t, and so dear wife, a lot of times, sex is, you know, doesn’t have the 45 minute or hour it might take for you to get towards orgasm. And sometimes that’s just reality. For some of us, ladies, it’s it takes some time, I encourage you to go towards some kind of a marital aid or an intimacy accessory where you and your husband can enjoy it together. And it’s not necessarily something that you ever do by yourself. This is a again, a unity, a oneness, that you enjoy together. So it’s not like you’re doing this by yourself. But I just, I just want to take off some of the rules that you might have had on your mind forever. Might say, Oh, this is not good and and I just want to ask you, where is it in the Bible that it says it’s not good. You know, we really shouldn’t be expecting the Bible to give us a play by play of what’s okay in sex. Because, again, children read the Bible. We want them to read the Bible. So if it says this position is okay, this position is okay, this I mean that that would be horrifying, right? So what we but we don’t ask the Bible for specifics in every other aspect of our lives, we don’t ask the Bible, am I allowed to eat chocolate? Do you? And yet, chocolate’s not in the Bible. So should we not eat chocolate? No, of course, you can eat chocolate, as long as we stay within the parameters of the Bible, the guidelines, great, you’re you’re free to eat chocolate. No, don’t become a glutton, right? Don’t be given to food. That’s what the Bible says, okay, but otherwise, you get to enjoy it. It’s a gift from the Lord. Yes, it was a little bit of technology that humans developed little by little over the many centuries. But here we go. We get to enjoy it 21st century. That’s a gift, and we get to thank God for it. So that’s the way sex is do do it within the guidelines, which, if I were to summarize all the boundaries, and I have them indicated in different places, I would love for you, if you’re not sure what the boundaries specifically are around sex, go to delight your marriage.com/boundaries. And you can download a PDF that has all the scriptures that talks about the boundaries around sex. That way you just have confidence that you’re not going outside of God’s way when you engage in different things. But here’s, here’s the the general principle between a husband and a wife in thought, and indeed, everything’s okay. So basically, as long as you’re with your husband and your wife in thought, and indeed, you have freedom. Now. Does it mean that certain activities that that really harm your conscience you have to go towards because your husband wants it? No, no, you don’t, and I do want to invite you to go a step outside of your comfort zone. Every so often, go outside of your comfort zone, just a little bit, just a little bit, just a little bit, because I will tell you that everything in sex started out awkward, everything that you are now okay with started out weird, even if it’s the one position you’re okay with, with the lights off and covers up. That started out awkward, but you did it enough times, all of a sudden, that’s normal. I will tell you, dear sister, your husband really wants to see your body. He really would love to see your body. So if you’re like, oh, but bright lights would just be so exposing and so hard. Okay, no problem. Why don’t you put on some candles, maybe some little twinkle lights, and then you know that it’s not so exposing, but just little things maybe you’re not comfortable with. One position, but you wouldn’t mind trying something a little less uncomfortable for you. But I just want to encourage you, one step, one step, one step, little by little by little, because this really is God’s gift. Remember he says, May you ever be intoxicated with her love, God wants you to intoxicate your husband yourself. This is pleasure for you. This is joy for you. And I’ll tell you, the only way you’re going to get there is little step by little step, little movement by little movement, trusting that God is good and kind, and he wanted you to be unashamed in this way. He designed you this way. So I would love to pray for you as you inch towards freedom in this area, Lord Jesus, I thank you for this wife listening. You know her heart, and you know her journey, and you know who she has been many years. I pray God that you would give her a grace to gain your insight and gain your wisdom through this conversation, God that she would ponder it in her heart. She would she would mull it over. She would pray about it. Lord, is it true that I am meant to have pleasure. I am meant to have freedom. You actually designed my body this way. And just like if I rush past a sunset and I don’t take the time to gain pleasure that you have given. It to me, it’s a gift. Why would I not enjoy the gift you have given? It’s almost an insult to the giver. Lord, you have given us sexual intimacy. Let us not insult you by rejecting it or allowing insecurity to to harm our ability to enjoy what you’ve given us. Lord, we want to enjoy everything that you have given in your way. God, so Father, give this woman the courage to step a little bit out of her comfort zone, to be a little bit more vulnerable than she’s comfortable doing and being right now for the sake of enjoyment, for the sake of pleasure, for the sake of loving you God and enjoying everything that you have gifted to her with her spouse. We love you. Jesus. Amen. All right, dear wife, I’m very, very proud of you for making it through this whole conversation. Look at you. Miss courageous. Really proud of you. Now, if you’d like to coach with me directly and really process this and really get to the other side of this. It’s a journey. It takes intentionality, it takes courage, but look at you. You’re already doing it. You’re already on your way. And I would say the first step, just move on with that inertia. You’ve already got some momentum. We’d love to come beside you and continue that. So a free clarity call is for us as a woman who literally has been through this journey literally. Can gets to hear your story, gets to hear your heart and encourage you and give you some clarity, ask the questions that maybe you don’t even know to ask yourself, and then maybe I would actually be the one to help you directly and you may want to, yeah, maybe that’s where God is inviting your next step. And if so, delight. Ym.com/cc we would love to serve you. Alrighty, dear sister. God bless you. Congratulations. You’re so courageous. We’ll talk soon. You