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499-Sinful v. Holy Fierce Intimacy

I was confused.

There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage…

only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things.

Where did he get all this “inspiration” anyway?

Oh, I knew: sinful places.

So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt).

What’s your story?

If it’s even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex.

I wasn’t viewing sex from a biblical standpoint.

I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.)

I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God’s will.

Maybe you’ve gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you’re married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire.

Be washed by truth. That’s my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage.

When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it’s nice and warm (with your spouse 🙂 )

Biblical Sexual Boundaries: What God Says Clearly

God’s Word is not silent on sexuality. We’re called to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18), honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure (Hebrews 13:4), and rejoice in the wife (or husband) of our youth (Proverbs 5).

What does that mean practically? It means saying no to adultery, fornication, pornography, and lust outside of marriage. But it also means saying a big yes to intimacy within marriage.

God designed it. He delights in it. And He calls it holy.

Christian Sexual Freedom in Marriage

Here’s the good news: within the covenant of marriage, you are FREE. Passion, tenderness, variety—when it’s just the two of you, it’s not dirty or off-limits.

Too often, we add rules God never wrote. We act like Pharisees in the bedroom, burdening ourselves with shame. But Scripture doesn’t say you have to find every position or practice word-for-word in the Bible. It says to stay within God’s boundaries.

That’s it.

Inside those boundaries, freedom is His gift.

Masculine vs. Feminine Sexuality in God’s Design

I often talk about a helpful framework: feminine sexuality tends to be calming, connective, tender—while masculine sexuality is passionate, fierce, and energetic.

Neither is wrong! In fact, both are needed! But here’s the key: most wives won’t feel safe to enjoy masculine passion until the feminine is deeply honored.

Gentle connection lays the foundation for fierce intimacy. When both are present, intimacy becomes the oneness God intended.

One Flesh Marriage Meaning

When Scripture says the two become one flesh (Matthew 19:5), it’s not talking about shared bank accounts or chore charts. It’s talking about the mystery and beauty of sexual union.

That oneness is not only for procreation—it’s also for pleasure, connection, and spiritual unity.

You were designed to be “naked and unashamed.” That’s God’s original intention for your marriage.

Repentance and Sexual Purity

Here’s the challenge: what you consume shapes what you expect.

If your eyes are fixed on media that glamorizes lust, adultery, or pornography, your heart will follow. Jesus warned us—lust in the heart is adultery (Matthew 5:28).

But repentance is always available. God’s kindness leads us to turn back (Romans 2:4). His grace washes us clean and empowers us to start again. Inside His boundaries, intimacy is safe, holy, and life-giving.

Healing and Hope for Your Marriage Bed

If intimacy feels impossible for you—whether because of past sin, abuse, shame, or just exhaustion—please don’t give up.

You can heal.
You can rediscover joy.
You can learn how God wired you for intimacy, and how to give and receive love in your marriage bed.

I want you to know: fierce intimacy is possible, for men and women. And it is holy. Within God’s design, it’s not just permitted—it’s celebrated.

Final Thoughts

Friend, don’t let the enemy steal your freedom by pushing you into guilt—or into sin. God’s Word draws the boundaries, and inside them, He invites you to DELIGHT.

We are rooting for you.

 

Blessings,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS – Ready to take the next step? Schedule a free call with one of our Clarity Advisors today. This free Clarity Call will give you insight into the health of your marriage and your best next step. Whatever is hindering you from taking your next step, you are not too far gone. Sign up here for your free Clarity Call!

 

PPS – Need a little extra coaching on this whole holy fierce intimacy thing? Well, the timing could not be better! Our very own Belah Rose is a keynote speaker for Date Your Spouse’s 2025 Sex Seminar. All the nitty-gritty questions, all the understanding and support. Check out this link to register for this seminar and catch not only Belah’s teaching, but other intimacy experts as well! 🔥 (Want to catch up on the Sex Seminars from previous years? You got it. Click here to register for access for this year’s panel AND previous years!)

 

PPPS – Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“Before DYM, there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs and these were replayed constantly in my head even though one of them occurred 25 years ago… After going through the program, the stress is gone… I told him I have forgiven him and intimacy is something I desire now and enjoy with my husband. We are both so much happier in our marriage! I have also started back on my spiritual journey with God, that I have been away from for many years.”

Transcript:

Belah Rose  00:02

Belah, welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me. Belah rose, as I dive deep into the beauty power and truths about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. Delight your marriage. Hi, Belah, hi there. This is Belah, and I’m really excited to talk about today’s conversation, because I feel as though we need an understanding of exciting, aka fierce intimacy, and how that does work in terms of the way God set up the world. So I’ve got so much to share. I can’t wait to get into it, but this is probably something that you’re going to want to either listen to more than once, grab your Bible and look up the scriptures that we talk about, or maybe this is even going to be something that you send to a friend, because this is going to ask of you and give your permission there. There’s two aspects here, because we want to really look at scripture properly and not add to Scripture, because that’s what the Pharisees did, if you remember, that’s why Jesus was not okay with the way they interacted with the people who were not able or or weren’t as learned or were illiterate because they trusted what the Pharisees said. And so I really want to get a clear understanding of what is and isn’t okay, so that you’re not bouncing around in this oh my gosh, did I just sin by doing something in my bedroom, whereas it might actually be the gift that God is giving you so much to get into So, so let’s do it. Let’s dive in. You.

Belah Rose  02:06

All right? Well, this is an exciting conversation, because I’m hoping and really prayerful that this is going to free a lot of people, because God does care about sexual interactions. Your sexuality matters to God, it’s it’s really important in who you are as a human right. We we know that’s true. We know it’s true. We know we have to cover these certain sections of body, and if we’re not, there’s something weird and wrong going on. I mean, we just know that’s true. And so I want to talk about specifically, scripturally, how that’s true. First, Corinthians 618 says, Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit? Who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. So your body and what you do with it really matters. First, Thessalonians, four, three. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable and not in passionate lust, like the pagans who do not know God. And finally, the only other one I’m going to read right now, but there’s so many more. There’s so many more, but the one I’m going to read is, let’s see Hebrews 1314, marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. So adultery is having sex, having an affair with somebody who is not your spouse because you are committed to your spouse. That’s adultery. Sexual immorality is somebody who is having sexual relations with somebody who’s not their spouse, and yet they don’t have a spouse. So we know Adultery is wrong. Scripturally is clear, but also even our social norms, it’s clear, but sexual immorality, it’s what does that mean? That means sexual relations before marriage. With anyone outside of marriage. And so the the amount of scriptures, I mean, I’ve, I’ve pulled up in front of me 15 that are incredibly specific scriptures, but it’s only because I stopped, but in terms of, like, the actual boundaries of of sexual intimacy. I’ll I’ll give some basic rules summarizing many verses. So the first one is fornication, which means sex outside of marriage. And if you want to get all the Scripture references due, it’s just a mouthful to read all of them, but delight your marriage. Com, slash boundaries, and you can find all those scriptural backings for these boundaries. Second one is adultery, sex with anyone who is not your spouse in Act or in heart, in thoughts. Three, homosexuality, sex with persons of the same genitalia. Whether we like that scripture or not, I don’t get to to flip a page and point at one scripture and say I’m not. I don’t like that. I’m not going to follow it. So that’s just not what I do as a Jesus follower. I say you’re true, you’re right. And so somehow, someway, I get to go under your scripture and your truth, and God, give me grace to honor your word even if I don’t understand it. So if you’re in the camp of not understanding it, it’s okay. And he is still a good father, and we still get to follow what he says. We don’t get to change it. We don’t get to sidestep it. Fourth one, impurity, losing virginity due to living a pagan lifestyle. Lots of scriptures are on that, prostitution, paying for sex. There’s scriptures around that six lustful passions and sexual fantasies, unrestrained sexual passion for anyone other than the person’s marriage partner, sexual fantasies outside of your marital union. So imagining somebody outside of your marital union, even if it’s a figment of your imagination that is lusting after someone who’s not your spouse, so that’s not an okay thing. Next one, number seven, sodomy, which actually means unnatural sexual intercourse with someone of the same genitalia. So they have examples when they talk about sodomy in the Bible of temple prostitutes and to and animals. And that’s what it’s talking about, sodomy. Sodomy is not actually a certain act. It’s an act when it’s male to male, that same act male to female is not precluded in the Bible. It’s just not so I just need to be clear on what are the rules in the Bible? Because there are rules and it matters to God, and there are rules that we add, like the Pharisees, alright? So the eighth one is incest, sex with family members or relatives, nine orgies or swinging violates some of the other ones we talked about pornography, which is violating some of the other ones we talked about. So I would say, to summarize, the rules around sexual sexuality is sex is permitted by a husband, for a husband and a wife, in Act and in thoughts, everything’s on the table. I want to invite you to not add rules to your sex life. If you are with your spouse, you are free. You do have freedom, and you were built as a sexual being. It was the fall that we became ashamed of our sexuality. That’s when we put on clothes after sin entered the world. That’s when we became naked and ashamed. We used to be naked and unashamed. What did they cover with clothing? Their private parts, their sexuality, was covered. And so what God has done is said, This is not an appropriate thing out there. It is an appropriate thing in your marriage. You can have freedom within your marriage. Jesus is really clear in Matthew 19, where he says, For this reason, he made the man male and female. For this reason, he will leave his father and mother mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. He’s not talking about they’re, they’re going to, I don’t know, use the same dish towels. They. Going to drive in the same car. They’re going to share their budget. That’s not flesh. We’re talking about sexual oneness, unity. And I find even though procreation is definitely a purpose of sexual intimacy, pleasure is also a purpose. And we see that really clearly in the song of Solomon’s. We also see that in Proverbs, it’s really clear. We see that even when Paul says, Don’t burn with passion, but get married, it’s better to be married than to burn with passion if you can’t control your desires, be satisfied with the wife of your youth, as it talks about in Proverbs. And then it even says, it even goes further be inebriated by her love like what we’re supposed to get smashed. We’re supposed to be inebriated. We’re supposed to with with love making dear wives. We’re supposed to have as much desire for our husbands, as as the wife and the Song of Solomon,

Belah Rose  11:11

if you are struggling with passion, of burning with desire that is to be satiated in marriage. Paul did not say, cut off your member if you are burning with desire. He said, Let it be satisfied in marriage. That’s not the word he used. He said, get married. But the implication is clear, be satisfied in marriage. And so if you’re a husband or a wife, this is a green light to be satisfied in marriage. And Paul is also clear it’d be better if you didn’t get married. Like it’d be better, because if you and I both know that marriage is a cost, there is a cost to marriage. There’s a price you have to pay. You have to start serving your spouse. You can’t just think about yourself the whole time. But if you weren’t married, you wouldn’t be thinking about sex as much. You really would be focused on Kingdom work. You’d be able to do more for the Kingdom. Jesus even says because in Matthew 19, I just love looking at this scripture. I really, really do. And if you’ve heard me for any length of time. You know, I bring it up a lot because Jesus calls everyone higher in this scripture. Haven’t you read the Scripture? So they’re asking him about divorce and back then, right women, they didn’t have the rights, not even close to what we have now. He protected the women. Oh, my, oh, my. He reoriented women’s rights. And he had no business doing that. He had no reason to do that, aside from, aside from, he wanted to reorient the way people sought women, you know, powerful stuff, anyway, so they’re saying, you know, When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went down to the region of Judea, east of the Jordan River. Large crowds followed Him, and He healed their sick. Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question, Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason? Having you read the scriptures? Jesus replied they record that from the beginning, God made them male and female. So one thing to keep in mind there God made them in his image, male and female, like Jesus is referencing. Listen, this was, this was not a mistake. God made them in his image, male and female. He doesn’t say that specific thing, but we know the Scripture. We know he’s referencing in his image, it wasn’t a mistake that the wife was made the way she was made. Then it says they record that from the beginning, God made the male and female land. He said, This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. And obviously, in other translations, it says one flesh, but united into one. That’s what sexual intimacy does. Unites you into one. Since they are no longer two but one. Let no one split apart what God has joined together. Yeah, that’s powerful. Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away? They asked Jesus said Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. So I think that’s pretty powerful that we are actually supposed to aspire to what God originally intended, the naked and unashamed between a. Husband and wife is what God originally intended. Then it says, I tell you this, Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery unless his wife has been unfaithful. Jesus disciples then said to him, If this is the case, it is better not to marry Now, keep in mind, they didn’t say it’s better to never have sex again. They say it’s better not to commit just to one woman. Like, why go through all that mess? Just, you know, it doesn’t matter. And back then, there, there was so much promiscuity. Yeah, there’s a lot of context there. And I, I’ve read it from others, but I wouldn’t want, I can’t confidently give you all the examples. But as you remember in in First Corinthians, there was temple prostitutes. Was a normal thing. He actually had to condemn that and clarify, sexual immorality and and prostitution is not something you should go after. So Jesus disciples then said to him, If this is the case, it is better not to marry. Not everyone can accept this statement. Jesus said, only those to whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs. And I actually think that’s where either asexual folks, people that that really do identify. I mean, I just believe that there are, there’s a lack of sexual desire. I do. I believe that’s a case, because Jesus says they’re born that way. And we actually do know that there are people that are born with unclear genitalia, and it is a thing. It’s a very, very rare thing. So we shouldn’t, Matt, you know, make a policy based on the absolute vast minority of people, as unfortunately, the world is doing right now with transgender stuff, which is so confused and wrong because Jesus and God intentionally made them male and female in their in his image, and we’re denying God’s design by saying, I hate my body and what I was given so much that I’m going to try to change it into something else. It’s really bad, really wrong. So in any case, it doesn’t mean the people, we love, the people, but the philosophy, the ideology, is wrong. But anyway, just because somebody doesn’t have sexual desire does not mean they’re in the wrong body. It means that potentially, they were designed that way, as Jesus says, some are born as eunuchs. Some have been made eunuchs by others, and we know historically, at times they were eunuchs. Means that somebody was castrated for the purpose of guarding women. Often was because if they weren’t castrated, they might, you know, have sex with the women themselves and but the point is, because men are stronger than women, period, for the vast majority of cases, the men would guard the women, and so they’d actually have to remove their member or testicles so that they were not sexually active with these women they were guarding. So whether it was the Kings women or whatever, and then it says some choose not to marry for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. And I just think that’s powerful, because again, if you chose not to marry, you could have done more for the kingdom of heaven. But even Paul says, if you get married, you are going to be thinking about how to please your spouse. It says that, and it’s describing, it’s, it’s, I think there’s a prescription in there too, but it’s also a description. You will be distracted, and rightfully so, because now you if you are a husband, you are responsible for a human, a woman who is the more fragile vessel. That’s wonderful. It’s a privilege and honor, a sacred duty. And your wives, if you are entrusted with a male, you are entrusted with caring for him in intimacy, is a huge part of his heart, the way he was designed, he didn’t make up his sex drive. God has given that to him, and it is to be satisfied in sexual union. But Jesus continues. Let anyone accept this who can so basically. The people who got married raised their hand and said, I can’t accept this. I can’t accept going without sexual union, for even for the sake of the kingdom. I can’t Jesus says, you, you might not be able to accept it. And if you and if you can accept it, do it. And Paul’s saying that too. Like, if you can not burn with passion, satiate yourself with with just the grace of God, do it, but you it’s not an excuse to go towards sexual immorality outside of marriage. That’s not an option.

Belah Rose  20:38

So all of your sexual passion gets to be satisfied in marital union, alright? So hopefully I’ve convinced you at this point that I love the Word of God, that it matters to me, that I am interested in following what God prescribes in the Bible. I’m not interested in changing what it says to meet my carnal wishes. I’m not doing that. I put the Bible above my head. My thoughts are not higher than his thoughts. My ways are not higher than his ways. I mean, it’s so much pride to think that I’m just going to grab a portion of this Bible and just change it 2000 years removed, at least from when it was actually written, and I’m just so smart now that I’m going to just change it, but literally, that’s where we are at right now with so many people, even those who call themselves Christian. And I invite you if you’re in that category of taking scriptures and saying, some of these are relevant and some of these are not. Please, please be careful.

Belah Rose  21:52

So what do I mean by sinful versus holy? Fierce sexuality? Well, I will say that in our work, our programs, if you’re not familiar our programs, we do, we talk about this kind of framework, dividing masculine versus feminine sex, and it’s not a perfect framework, but it’s it’s something just to help us understand what often is the case. Again, we’re not talking about everyone, just because there are some people that don’t fit in this category. This category, that’s okay, it is still a helpful framework.

22:28

Oh,

Belah Rose  22:30

in general, masculine versus feminine. So feminine sexuality is generally what we talk about is is more calm, more peaceful, more restful, even meditative, spiritual. It’s may include orgasm, but might not. You know, lots of touching, skin to skin,

22:54

calm,

Belah Rose  22:56

relaxing. I’m thinking beautiful ambiance, candles, lighting, just that kind. And I would say masculine sex, which, again, is what we’re our framework is kind of this more

23:14

fierce,

Belah Rose  23:16

energetic, passionate, a lot of a lot of, yeah, I mean seduction and power and just this strong kind of, I don’t know, that energy and and the enemy has really had a field day on both sides of this. So I would say the Taoist, if you’re familiar with tantric sex, and you know those things, hopefully you’re not like deeply familiar with that. But I would say that’s the sinful aspect of what feminine sex might be. And then I would say the sinful aspect of what masculine sex might be is more like pornography and etcetera. That’s generally masculine type sex and even movies. I don’t know if you know this, but this was probably five years ago when I looked into this more so. But for the vast majority of movies, the directors and the videographers are male, and so when they’re pan, you know, when they’re doing these movies that are like, box office hits, they’re really focusing on what’s going to attract men. And so the sexuality that is presented in movies is basically that masculine type sex. And so even those women, you and I ladies that are we get into marriage and we’re like, oh my gosh, sex is like this, well, I hate this, but it’s because we’ve only ever seen and our husbands have only ever seen masculine type sex. They’ve never even potentially thought valid this feminine. In sex that really fills her up. Now, both are good, both are good, but I want to say really intentionally that if a couple does not have safety in the feminine sex department, like safety, almost like that is really good. She will not come on over to enjoy the masculine sex for the most part. Again, there are outliers, and there are also reasons for those outliers. I’m not going to go into you know, specific hypotheticals, but I have reasons for potential outliers of that. But for the most part, if dear husband, you’re like, Well, my wife never wants that masculine stuff and that feminine stuff seems I don’t know. I don’t even know what that is. That’s not sex. And maybe that’s, that’s not you at all. Usually, the men I work with, and that, listen to me, are very selfless men, actually, and they just, they just are curious and want, want curious in a in a generous way, like I want to love my wife. Well, how do I love my wife? Well, how do I help her heal? Maybe I have many mistakes in the past. How do I how do I fix that? How do I help her and so your wife really needs that feminine safety for her to ever enjoy the masculine sex that is fierce and good. Both of them are good, and ultimately, I would love for you to get to a place where both of these things are part of your sex life. I mean fierce, fierce, fierce, like I mean fierce. That can happen again in the context of your marriage, but it won’t be able to be there unless that safety is well established. So let me just put this into context. My husband and I, we’ve got a great, really, praise the Lord. We have a great marriage. Otherwise, hopefully I wouldn’t be talking to you, because that would be very bad if I was teaching about marriage, and I had a terrible one. No praise God, we have an awesome marriage. Very playful, very fun. Rarely have tension, pretty, pretty rarely, actually, thank God, sometimes, you know, but thank God, it’s rare. Anyway, the I was trying to tell you about playful, so I might give him a little slap on the shoulder like a joke, like, Are you kidding me? You just did that, you know. And I’ll give him like a,

27:41

you know, half

Belah Rose  27:42

half effort slap. Now that’s because we’re playful and we have a great marriage. If I had that exact same thing in the context of tension, and we’re at a five out of 10 marital health score, um, yeah, that would be awful, even if it was literally the exact same action, the exact same action, because we’re not healthy enough for that kind of behavior.

28:11

That’s what it’s like in your sex life,

Belah Rose  28:14

maybe assuming you are safe and your wife is healed, and you have a great, healthy marital score, she might be really into that masculine sex activity and pursuit. She might be super into it, but she will never get there if you are not in a context of safety and healing, it just won’t happen. There’s, there’s no way again. Think about if I slapped my husband in the midst of an argument, a fight that, I mean, that would start some kind of domestic abuse, wouldn’t it? I mean, I’m, I’m slapping my husband, except if it’s the context of playful, fun, joyful, I can’t believe you just did that, you know, as a joke. That’s that that’s fun, and we’re playful. And again, it’s, it’s not a hard slap, it’s like a, more like a, I don’t know, a pat. So I hope that helps clarify fear sex can be on the table for you and it can be interesting for your wife. If safety and feminine sex is a norm and is embraced by you and appreciated by you, it really it grieves me when men think that their wives preference in sexual intimacy again around this sexual feminine sex isn’t prioritized by him, isn’t even appreciated, isn’t pursued, just why? Why is your sex? His desire more important than hers. I think it’s because men have often a mindset that that’s not sex, cuddling, caressing, gentle, exploration, maybe inside, but never going towards orgasm. Seriously, I’m not kidding. That’s actual sex, that’s actually making love. And just so you know, between my husband and I, we don’t say sex. We call it making love. Almost always. It’s pretty rare that we say have sex. We’re talking about making love, because that’s what this is. That’s what we’re doing. That’s what the Bible’s talking about. It is about unifying. It is about loving each other. And are words allowed? Are slang words allowed? Again, I would say the feminine sexual phrases. And we teach this in our programs, a lot are more like, You’re beautiful, you’re amazing, you’re stunning, you’re gorgeous. Those are literally the phrases you should do in the bedroom. Literally write them down, gentlemen, your wife will thank you. You don’t have to tell her. I told you, this is a secret. Um, you’re beautiful, you’re amazing, you smell glorious, you taste amazing. She wants to know. It touches her heart. It turns her on in this feminine intimacy way. Now, the masculine slang phrases, I probably don’t have to say those to you, and I won’t, but some of them might be hot, smoking, sexy, and then all sorts of four letter words and those sorts of things you want to know what I think about those four letter words and your sexual intimacy, I know of three words that I would never, ever, ever say. The Bible is really clear, and it’s, oh, my God, it’s using the name of G, E, what is it? J, E, S, U, S, in in an improper way, and a similar thing with the Holy Spirit that’s taking the Lord’s name in vain. That’s what’s precluded. That’s what’s not allowed. Those of you that think it’s okay to put it in your normal speak? No, it’s not okay. No, don’t curse in his name. Don’t expletive in his name. We’re talking about the God of the universe. And when you pray to Him, you use his name. That’s the same name you use in normal speak. Talking to a friend about some cool thing that happened the other day? No, please, please, please, don’t do that. And also don’t do that in sex. Don’t use those words. Don’t use his name in sex, because I unfortunately know that’s a In fact, I’ll pull myself on the carpet. I never would say his name anywhere else except there. And I realized, oh my gosh, what am I doing? And then I realized that I know, I mean, I’m embarrassed to say I’m ashamed to say it, but Jesus, blood washes me clean. I can repent and accept His forgiveness so I’m not ashamed. It’s sad that I was, I was, but maybe, if I, yeah, anyway, God is amazing, and he forgives, but repent now, repent just like I had to with wherever you use His name in vain. Repent now. Don’t get to judgment day and be like, Oh, I, I somehow missed that scripture that clearly is there. Now it is in the Old Testament, but it’s also in the New Testament. So I want to, I want to talk about what you consume with your eyes. What I sadly experience a lot is women who would never go towards the masculine sex that I’m talking about, whether it’s seduction or fierceness or fantasy or just different unique experiences, different places, variety positions, they would never move into that masculine sex zone, energy, passion, desire. They would never move there.

34:22

However

Belah Rose  34:25

they watch sexually inappropriate content in media, whether it’s movies, TV shows, reality TV, and they’re like, Well, maybe it’s not pornography, but things like the bachelorette or housewives of blah, blah, blah or whatever they take sexuality in the wrong zone. We all know that let’s not pretend Jesus wouldn’t watch that

34:57

really

Belah Rose  34:59

if. We’re supposed to die to ourselves, pick up our cross and follow Him. We shouldn’t just do it on Sunday. We should not just do that on Sunday. What we consume, what we consume, should align. It should align. And if that’s not the case right now, great, now’s the day to repent. It’s his kindness that brings us to repentance, because if you associate all that masculine stuff with sin, that’s not because it’s sin. It’s because you, my dear, are bringing your sinful context to it, if you have seen masculine sex in a movie, in pornography, in whatever, it’s not because the act is sinful between you and your husband, because we just went through all the boundaries. It’s not but you yourself are bringing that context to your bedroom, and that is what is defiling that act, in thought and in Act, this needs to be between the two of you. It is very easy for somebody to look at my material and think, Oh, I’m just, you know, do whatever you want, all that No, within the proper boundaries, do whatever you want. Here’s, here’s another example. So my children are just wonderful, but if they do disrespectful things, if they get outside the zone of okay and appropriate in terms of the way our house operates, the rules we have set in place that are important for their growth and development and maturity as children and ultimately, adults following Jesus, if they get outside of those boundaries. Oh, that that’s rough. But within those boundaries, man, our house is fun. We have some fun. It’s a fun place to be within those boundaries, but outside of those boundaries, it gets rough, and they have chores to do, and we have have to deal with things. We have to have take things away, and it’s rough when they get outside of those boundaries. But in those boundaries, it’s great. It really is. It’s a great place to be. And that’s the same with God. We want to be in his boundaries, outside of his boundaries. We’re not safe inside of his boundaries. Oh, he takes care of you. He loves you, and he’s going to forgive you if you keep running back to Jesus, but if you rebel, and you get outside of those boundaries, and you want to just hang out there, because you’re just in going to be in rebellion, and you’re going to halfway follow him, please, Repent. Repent today. Today is the day of salvation. It is so profound that that it’s God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. I need it. I need it today. I need it this morning. You need it too, because you’re a human too, and Jesus didn’t say, be perfect, and now I’m going to go somewhere else. He’s ready to walk alongside you and help you. That’s why, from my understanding of the Trinity, that’s why the Holy Spirit is so important to be separate, but the same as God, because you walk with the Holy Spirit in you all the time. He’s not separate from you. He’s in you. He cares about you. He’s with you. And yet he is fully one with the Father and the Son, fully one, three persons, one God. And I hope I’m understanding that right. In terms of theology. I think it’s historic Christianity that I am trying to follow scripturally. But for me, when I’m thinking about the Holy Spirit, when I’m thinking about God, and I’m like, Oh my gosh, God controls the whole world. How does he have time for me? And then I’m like, wait a second, the Holy Spirit is in me. He resides in me, as we talked about in the very beginning of this conversation, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, a temple of the Holy Spirit. And we remember in the Old Testament how beautiful the temple was and how intentionally it was designed. Again. The Old Testament is teaching us who God is, and yet, now that’s my body. My body is His temple. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. So So please understand me God’s boundary. Are important. When I say yes, green light to all sorts of sexual things, it is in the boundaries of your marriage. Don’t go outside of those boundaries. Proverbs five says it will take you to the grave. He destroys himself in Proverbs six, it is so concrete that the wrong type of sex is not okay. Jesus, Jesus, who is famed even by non Christians, to be a good, a good, a good person, just all about love, and yet Jesus says about lust, you committing adultery with that woman in your heart. You should cut off your hand, pluck out your eye, or That’d be better than getting thrown into hell. That’s that good man Jesus, who’s all about love, and yet, that’s what he says about wrong sex. Right sex, which means within the boundaries of your marriage, honey. Have fun. Have fun. Go all out. Do the masculine? Do the feminine? Great. Enjoy it. Have fun. Have a great time. It’s awesome. Don’t be guilty for stuff you shouldn’t be guilty about, because that’s not what it was like at first. You were naked and unashamed between a husband and a wife, but don’t bring other people into that union that’s not in thought or an act. Don’t bring other people in there. Don’t even get close to the woman’s doors. It talks about proverbs five my son. Pay attention to my wisdom. Listen carefully to my wise counsel, then you will show discernment, and your lips will express what you’ve learned. For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil, but in the end, she is as bitter as poison and as dangerous as a double edged sword, her feet go down to death. Her steps lead straight to the grave, for she cares nothing about the path to life, she staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t realize it. So now my sons Listen to me. Never stray from what I’m about to say.

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Stay away from her.

Belah Rose  42:52

Don’t go near the door of her house. If you do, you will lose your honor and you will lose to merciless people, all you have achieved, strangers will consume your wealth, and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor. In the end, you will groan in anguish when disease consumes your body. You will say how I hated discipline, if only I had not ignored all the warnings. Oh, why didn’t I listen to my teachers? Why didn’t I pay attention to my instructors? I have come to the brink of utter ruin, and now I must face public disgrace. Here’s the hope. So that’s all that evil, bad, terrible, death, destruction, awful, shame, disgrace, that’s outside of the boundary, that’s outside of the boundary that that the wise Solomon is trying to give this, this, these young men, don’t do that. Son, don’t do that. Listen, don’t ever stray. Now, here’s inside the boundary. Get ready. It’s pretty good, really good. Drink water from your own well. Share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets having sex with just anyone you should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving dear, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always, may you always be captivated by her love. This is pretty explicit, but I’m going to say it. Why be captivated my son by an immoral woman or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? For the Lord sees clearly. What a man does, examining every path he takes. Please recognize the Lord cares about your sexuality. It’s not private. It’s not by yourself. The Lord, that’s what it says. The Lord sees clearly what a man does. He’s talking about in the context of your sexuality. It’s not your sexuality. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit. An evil man is held captive by his own sins. There are ropes that catch hold of him. He will die for lack of self control. He will be lost because of his great foolishness. So inside the boundaries, it’s glorious. Outside the boundaries, it’s rough, it’s bad, it’ll lead to your ruin and death because of a lack of self control. So, dear women, you heard the the challenge for you, an immoral woman, a woman who’s engaging in sexual fantasy outside of marriage, a woman who’s engaging in in sexual pursuits outside of marriage, a woman who I don’t want to extrapolate this too far, but in my book, for me, I’ll say for me, if I have an undisciplined mind around whatever it is around sex, I know I’m guilty, so when my mind starts going in the wrong zone, Let me loop my husband in. Let me give him a call. I don’t have to tell him I’m worried about something, necessarily, or thinking about something or struggling with something. I don’t necessarily have to say that, you know, I don’t tell him about plenty of private things that happen in the bathroom. Why? Why do I have to tell him every other thing? I don’t have to tell him everything. Maybe it’ll help, but likely, just hearing his voice and giving him a compliment, serving him seriously, giving him a compliment, when I’m the one who is struggling like that, gets us out of ourselves, when I’m the one struggling with the sexual thought, giving him a compliment, it maybe that doesn’t seem like it connects, but it actually will get you outside of yourself. Thank him for something, show him you care about something. And if you’re a wife, that’s like, I don’t have any sexual desire at all. Well, maybe you haven’t pursued some activities you could have in sexual, feminine or masculine sex, and that would actually help your desire. It would actually inspire you. But because you haven’t recognized it as important, you don’t even want to check it those things out, or maybe you just didn’t know the boundaries, and you thought the things I was describing in masculine sex were off the table, or maybe you were doing things that were outside the boundaries, like consuming media that are clearly wrong and lust filled and truly disgracing. I remember this is really awful, and maybe you guys know who I’m talking about, hopefully not. But I remember listening to something and they were like, I love Jesus and the Bachelorette. And it was like, kind of a famous person. And I was just like, Jesus would never approve of The Bachelorette. That is an entire program about seducing a man or seducing a woman and and there’s promiscuous sex, and there’s all this non appropriate sexual content, even if they’re just talking about it, there is absolutely no way, biblically speaking, you can can, you can say that’s an appropriate thing to pursue, to view. So please know that’s what I’m talking about in the boundaries, there is freedom. But if you’re like Belah, just by telling me the freedom that masculine sex is allowed in your marriage, I am scandalized. Well, please be scandalized of the media you’re consuming, because that’s the evil. What I’m talking about is biblically positive. We don’t need to add to the list of rules that are there. And you know what? You don’t it. People don’t add to to normal things. I’ll give you an example. What happens sometimes is men or women. I would say mostly women. In my experience. Usually women are the ones to say, well, it’s not in the Bible. We shouldn’t do it around sexual intimacy, and that’s confusing. Here’s why. I bet you have eaten peanut butter before, and I bet you’ve even had chocolate before. I bet you use a computer, and I bet you even drive in a car, and none of those things are in the Bible. Not one, not one. Believe it or not. So we are not clearly, logically speaking, we are not confining ourselves to only do and use what’s in the Bible. No within the boundaries that the Bible gives us, we have freedom stay within the boundaries. You’ve got a lot of freedom in this world, a lot, but when you’re going to go outside of the boundaries, that’s the issue. So with sex, dear wife, you don’t have to find it in the Bible for it to be okay for you. What you do have to do is abide by the boundaries that are there. But then, like, the amount of freedom you have is significant. For example, do not burn with passion. Get married. It’s pretty clear where the sexual freedom should be in marriage. So if it’s not happening in your marriage, if there’s not freedom in your marriage, I just invite you, sister, go the next step, do the next thing. And if, if all of this kind of scandalizes you, it just means you’ve got to get a deeper understanding. That’s what our programs work on. We focus on that you can you can get freedom here, and you can actually pursue sex. You can desire sex physically. You can push yourself. You can have more freedom. What do I mean by push yourself, I mean that there are plenty of things that I used to be really not icked out by exactly, but like, I didn’t know they were on the table. And then it was like, Oh, they’re on the table. Okay. Again, a fantasy with just your husband, it’s on the table. Husband’s a fantasy with just your wife, it’s on the table.

Belah Rose  52:50

I recommend it’s that fantasy happen when you’re with each other, so that it it moves you towards unity. And this goes also with intimacy accessories, which some people call toys or vibrators or whatever. If it moves you close, closer in unity, it’s on the table. I actually have some great recommendations that we recommend to our clients all the time. I’ll put that at I’ll put it at, delight your marriage.com/accessories that’s where it’s going to be to light your marriage.com/accessories. There’s some links you’ll get to it inexpensive. Buy it on Amazon. Easy.

Belah Rose  53:41

It’s okay if this is hard for you. There’s a lot that we talked about. I ask you to pray about this, because I can absolutely understand that the enemy wants to undermine your freedom here. He does not want you to be naked and unashamed with your husband. But Jesus is clear, the two become one, united, one flesh, deeply, deeply connected in all ways you Belah, sexual intimacy is vital for your marriage, for your health, for your spouse.

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You were designed that way,

Belah Rose  54:35

and I invite you to pursue it. If you are a person that has no libido, I invite you to pursue it. And dear husband, if you’re not sure how to bring your wife to pleasure, that’s okay. I invite you to pursue it. You know, we’ve made what I believe is the best program out there, only because I guess I don’t follow all the programs, so I’m sure there

54:59

are other options there. It,

Belah Rose  55:01

but we want to help you. We don’t want this to be a stumbling block anymore. We want this to be a blessing.

55:11

Let’s pray for you. Let me pray father,

Belah Rose  55:18

you know this one, this husband, this wife. You know the power of sexual intimacy and and how you watch how it matters that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I pray God that this one would have a revelation that their intimacy between their husband or their wife is undefiled, that they have freedom. They have just as much freedom as they do to drive in a car. And I pray Father for a deep conviction of the sinful that they are consuming, whether in a media pornography, just allowing their mind to wander into ways that are absolutely not your your desire for them and Father, for those that fight those thoughts, I ask for a greater measure of grace, Lord, we have thorns in our sides, and when Paul requested that it be taken, it was not a punishment that he had that thorn. It was because God, you wanted him to stay humble. You wanted him to stay humble. So I ask you, God, to empower this man or woman who struggles with the thought life, not to add a dollop of shame to what they’re already struggling against, but to say, God, your grace is sufficient. Your grace is sufficient. Get back down there. Get back on the horse. Don’t Don’t give it up. And Father, I pray for the wife who this, this is tough. This is tough for her to accept, and maybe her own painful background. Maybe it’s sexual abuse she has had to walk through. It has tainted her from all sorts of things in sexual intimacy because of the evil of someone else

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that they did to her

Belah Rose  57:28

or maybe for him. There are lots of men who have also walked through sexual abuse. Father, I I know you care about this one. You have not forgotten them. You’ve seen every tear and it has hurt you too. You care. You do care. Father, I pray for a brand new healing in their marriage, God, in their intimacy, in their view of their freedom. There, that what you designed from the beginning is what would be in their marriage, God in Jesus, name Amen. Okay, dear one, sit with this for a while. Pray, ask God. The Bible is the thing that informs our conscience. So maybe this scandalizes you, and your conscience is just going crazy right now, I ask you to sit with it and get into Scripture and find out if there’s truth here, maybe, maybe it’s not. Maybe there’s some truth and not no total truth, and there’s some things you need to think about, and some things you don’t, and some things you can just throw on out, and that’s okay. That’s okay with me. But I moved towards my insight around sexual intimacy and even insight around my own pleasure, because I love my husband, and I know me having pleasure helps him to feel more loved. It matters to him, and I know that if I chose not to get married, I’m just not I don’t have the the natural, spontaneous desire that he does. And if you’re in that camp wife, I think the way I see myself is that I have a responsibility to learn about my sexuality and what desires turn me on in order to love my husband Well, in order for him to be satisfied in the wife of his youth, in order for us to be One and Unified, I get to pursue my own, my own turn ons and pleasure and the things that that i. Uh, the way I was wired. And so whether you’re a client already, or whether you are praying through maybe joining us, I hope that you have been inspired to continue to integrate your sexuality with your spiritual your spirituality, your your relationship with God and your sexuality, to integrate those it’s there’s a lot a lot of interplay there that I I invite you to integrate within the boundaries, not without the boundaries. Alright? I love you, and if you’re ready to talk to our clarity advisor, she’s just wonderful delight your marriage. Com, slash CC, we would love to have you. I’d love to meet you personally and work with you, help you get freedom here. Alright? God bless you. You

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you.