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How a Farmer Learned to Lead & Love in His Marriage
On the outside, Jake looked like a happy-go-lucky farmer. But inside, his marriage was falling apart. Control, years of infertility struggles, alcohol abuse, and pornography created a wall between him and his wife. Even counseling couldn’t break through the scar tissue of pain she carried. At one point, she said her willingness to work on the marriage was zero—she was ready to leave.
Jake was out of options. Yet, in God’s kindness, what seemed like the worst day became the turning point. His confession of addiction cracked open the first door to healing.
What a Farmer Learned About Love in Marriage
As a man who worked with horses and cattle his whole life, Jake knew how to communicate safety and calm with animals. Yet God showed him—through the story of David, Bathsheba, and Nathan’s rebuke—that he wasn’t doing the same for his wife.
The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.
4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”
5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”
7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’
– 2 Samuel 12:1-10
The revelation was life-changing: God entrusted him with His daughter. Loving her meant creating safety, trust, and gentleness. Jake realized that real leadership wasn’t control—it was love.
Learned to Lead by First Laying Down Pride
When Jake finally joined the program, he discovered what he had been missing for years: a biblically based roadmap for marriage. The forgiveness modules were the breakthrough.
He had carried anger for so long that it felt like part of his identity. But through forgiveness, Jake experienced freedom he had never known. Old wounds didn’t need apologies to be healed—he released them to God. His wife noticed almost immediately. For the first time in years, she felt safe with him.
From Walls to Sanctuary: A Marriage Transformed
The changes weren’t just in Jake. His home transformed. He stopped reacting in anger—even when a box fell on his head in the garage. His kids froze, waiting for the outburst that never came. That moment opened his eyes to the unsafe environment his rage had created—and the freedom God was now building in its place.
His home shifted from a place of survival to a sanctuary of love. He began looking forward to coming home, slipping away with his wife for time together, and seeing joy reflected in his children.
Leading with Love in Everyday Life
Jake learned to lead as a husband and father, not by demanding respect but by modeling Christlike love.
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When walking in after a long day, he chose to bring joy instead of frustration.
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When tension rose, he chose reassurance over arguments.
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When intimacy came, it was no longer duty—it was connection, passion, and contentment.
Jake also says he has never felt so sexually satisfied, not because of more encounters, but because of the depth of love in his marriage.
A Legacy of Leadership
The transformation didn’t stop with Jake and his wife. His children are being raised in a different household than they were 12 weeks earlier. His daughters now see how a husband should love his wife. His son now has a model of godly leadership to follow.
Generations are being changed because one farmer decided to learn how to lead with love in his marriage.
Final Thoughts
Marriage was never meant to be endured—it was designed to be a sanctuary of love, trust, and joy. Jake’s story shows that no matter how high the walls are, God can dismantle them brick by brick. True leadership in marriage doesn’t come from control but from gentleness, safety, and sacrificial love. And the care that you give in other areas of your life is worth investing your family as well.
For any husband who feels stuck, hopeless, or unsure of how to change, remember: you can learn to lead. And when you lead with love, everything changes—your marriage, your family, and your legacy.
Blessings,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS – Ready for the next step? Our team of Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you. Call
PPS – Here is what (another) recent grad has to say:
I was blindsided and stuck in my own self righteousness. He has wronged me in many ways in the past too but the course allowed me to see my own behaviour too, and I have forgiven him for the past and I feel we can really start afresh, looking at him with new eyes again. I am very hopeful for the future and I enjoy the weekends spending time with my family. Even if we may go through bad patches in the future we now have a framework to use. Nobody told us any of this before.
Transcript:
Belah Rose 00:01
Belah, welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me, Belah rose, as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truths about intimacy. Learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. Delight your marriage. Hi there. Delight your marriage. Listener. I’m thrilled that you’re here. Oh my goodness, you are going to hear from Jake. And I have got to tell you, when he came into the men’s program, he looked happy, go lucky, but inside was suffering. And I don’t know if you know somebody like this who seems fine and yet really difficult things are going on underneath the surface. And maybe you’ve got friends in this situation, or maybe you are in this situation. So here’s the story of Jake. There’s hope. That’s ultimately what I want to share with you, that there actually is hope for your story, for your situation, and I know that because I’ve seen that, and you’re about to hear Jake’s story, and it didn’t start off in the way that he wanted it to be. He wanted to know and do the leading of his family the right way. And yet, there was a disconnect. One part that I want to specifically invite you to listen to, and this was something he brought up on his graduation call as well. Was this really specific insight that he believed God showed him about his own work as a farmer, as a man who deals with horses, we bonded over that I love horses, but how he didn’t even understand that that God had entrusted him with a wife who needed to be well cared for, and he was missing it. So I’m really looking forward to you hearing how to lead and really connect maybe something else in your life that you know really well, but it doesn’t make sense to you and your marriage yet. And I think Jake is going to show you the path there, and I’m excited to dive in. So our wonderful clarity advisor, Dana, is interviewing him, and I’m excited for you to hear the story. Let’s go Belah,
Dana 02:29
Hello, sir. Dana, how are you? I’m doing well. I’m doing well. How are you, Jake, I’m doing great. Thank you. Oh so good. I am incredibly excited to be here with you to hear your story. We’re going to go from beginning to now. What I love most about testimonial interviews is that it’s not a beginning and an end. This is eternity work, as you know, and so we really get to just see where, where the Lord has led you up to this point. And we know there’s, there’s always more to come. But thank you for being here. Thank you for being willing to share your story. It takes courage, Jake, it takes a lot of courage. And so we just, we just want to honor that
03:16
great. Thank you. Glad to be here.
Dana 03:18
You’re very, very welcome. Okay, good. Well, I would love to start if you would just tell us a little bit about yourself first. Yeah.
Speaker 1 03:28
So I’ve been married for just a little over 20 years. My wife and I, we have three kids, a boy and two girls, and yeah, we just live in a small town and in, in the middle of the United States, I guess, and farm and ranch and and, yeah, just doing our best to raise our kids and, you know, a good, godly manner, and love each other.
Dana 03:55
So good, so good. I love it. Thank you. And in terms of coming here to delight your marriage before we get to the moment where you learned about us, I’d love to hear some of the challenges that you were facing personally. Jake, in your marriage, specifically?
Speaker 1 04:15
Sure, yeah, so I would say the challenges for us started really immediately after we got married. Looking back, I would say I was very controlling. Had a lot of growing up to do, which I guess is probably fairly normal for newlyweds in their early 20s, but really kind of just started a pattern of pushing my wife away and not allowing her to feel safe in our marriage. Early on, we tried to get pregnant, and it took us five years, and it really just took the took the joy out of the sexual. Relationship for us. Early on,
05:02
we were ultimately able to have three kids, but there was a lot of
Speaker 1 05:09
trying and spacing things out, and different medical interventions to make that happen, and we’re so blessed to have them now. But it did. It did really make things a challenge for us and that, and within that, I just continue to not be a very good leader in our home or a safe place for her.
Dana 05:29
Wow, wow. How did that affect you personally? I would say
Speaker 1 05:36
it really just started building a wall between us. You know, I’ve talked about that to people at different times since I’ve received some healing through the program. And, you know, it really was, it was just me building a wall between my wife and I just brick by brick, and it was extremely difficult. You know, I felt alone. I know she did too, and it drove me into some things that I’m not proud of. I got to the point, over years, that I was drinking way too much, abusing alcohol, addicted to pornography, again, just a lot of things that that were there to just just really building the wall and just a lot of selfish actions on my part.
Dana 06:25
Incredible. Wow, wow. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, that takes it, takes courage and vulnerability. Jake. I really do appreciate that, and I hear, I hear the pattern of pushing away the walls. That’s very, very familiar. Wow, incredible. How did, what did you find to let your marriage in the midst of all that?
Speaker 1 06:56
Well, it was around 2020, actually. So it’s, it’s been a while. That’ll show you how hard headed I am.
Dana 07:03
Dana, well, the old me will join you in the heart. Yeah, gotcha.
07:12
My wife and I were just at just the lowest point in our marriage. By far,
Speaker 1 07:21
I knew some things were really not right with her, and I confronted, confronted her on some things, and she had told me that she was ready to leave, ready to end the marriage. And we started doing some counseling, and just had very little success there. What I would say is that I had built enough scar tissue in my wife that, you know, I was an open book. I was happy to talk about anything, but I had her so wounded that anytime that, you know, the counselor would start to address an issue with her, she just couldn’t handle it. Just was so closed off and I didn’t understand. And I remember there was a turning point during the counseling that he asked us, How willing are you to work on this marriage? And she said, he said, one to 10, you know? And she said, zero. And he said, Okay, when you consider the kids, how willing are you? And she said, I’ll try for the kids, but she was 100% done with me, ready to walk out the door. So the good, the good part, the part where things started to turn up here, a little bit, was that was also the same point when I confessed to my wife that I’d had a pornography addiction. So our worst day in our marriage was also one of the best days, because it was one of the points where it started to heal some for us, and I was able to let go of that sin pattern in in our marriage, which was
08:52
huge, incredible.
Speaker 1 08:55
So I started as the counseling wasn’t working. I started listening to different marriage podcasts, and one of them that I came across was delight your marriage. So yeah, it’s been five years, I guess, to listen to podcasts on and off and stubbornly finding excuses why I would not do the program.
Dana 09:14
Okay, what were some of those excuses? Jake, I’m curious.
Speaker 1 09:19
Oh, I didn’t know what, what it would cost was one. I’ve got a pretty inconsistent schedule, should I say, with the farming and stuff, so it’s pretty hard for me to put just a really regular schedule together. So I had convinced myself that I wasn’t going to be able to find time to do it. I mean, you name it, I was reading books and I was doing some self help stuff. So, you know, I was thinking I was getting the answers on my own or through things I listened to or read. So, yeah, that just just several things, but the main one would be, probably, I just told myself, I just flat didn’t have the time to do it,
Dana 09:56
right. Okay, okay. Probably. Easiest excuse, yes, yeah, wow. So try to go it alone. Counseling, really not, not working here for several reasons, one of which is, you know, your wife was done. She was, I think what you said was, there was a lot of scar tissue. So when there, the opportunity arose for the counselor to work with her. It just, it just didn’t work. So, so you go out, you find resources and start to to work on it on your own, and, and that’s the the course I hear you took for quite some time. So, Jake, what, what shifted? What? What made you say? Okay, maybe the time thing, the the finances thing, are just surface excuses I need. It’s, it’s time to do something for real.
Speaker 1 10:54
So, yeah, so, like I said, I stayed pretty curious, and when I would, I would check in every now and again on the delight your marriage website. And I don’t know, I just, I just kind of got a little stirring in my heart here this past spring, and I started researching things, and I had found that there was a masterclass, and so I took that, and I got to the end, and I had the option to sign up for a clarity call. And the full full disclosure here is my wife was going to be gone for the was gone for the weekend, and we had gotten into a pretty major fight for she left, and I was really, really done,
11:41
but I was already partway through the masterclass, but I was, I was ready to be done, as done as she was.
Speaker 1 11:49
And so I get done with it. I’m not going to do the clarity call, and I’m just, you know, ready, ready to just move on and forget about the whole thing. And my phone rings not too long after I finish, it’s a number I don’t recognize, which normally I don’t answer, and so I don’t not long after that, I get a text and it says, This is Charles from delight, your marriage. I’d like to talk to you sometime. Can I give Can I give you a call again? And I’m like, I’m not answering this text either. Well, it’s probably 10 or 15 minutes later, and I get another text from Charles, and he’s really like to talk to you, you know. And normally I would be extremely annoyed at this point, but I wasn’t. I really felt like God was just really knocking on the door and asking me to answer. So just a few minutes after I ignored that text, my phone rang again with that same number, and this time I knew I couldn’t say no, so I answered it, and it was Charles, and I guess that was the start of the delight in married, marriage journey. Wow, yeah,
Dana 13:08
a stirring in your heart, yeah, for sure. And some phone calls and a text message, yeah, we’re we are a little persistent, and for this exact reason, this, this exact reason, I mean it, it really does We care. We care deeply, and so I am really grateful, praise the Lord for your, your willingness to not be so annoyed by that, but but to lean into it really and truly. I love that. Yeah, I love that you did, especially after essentially five years of of listening and gleaning, you know, information, but then realizing, hmm, okay, I need some help. And here, here, here’s Charles calling you. I just love that. Thank you so much for for sharing. I I’m curious how that process was for you, so you’d held back for quite some time. So what was the clarity call process like for you? Specifically, it
Speaker 1 14:11
was great. You know, through counseling and stuff, I told my story several times, so that wasn’t really an issue for me. I know for some people, maybe it could be, but I will say, you know, everyone in the in the program is so welcoming. They’ve been there, they’ve seen it. So it’s just from the word go. It was like family, honestly. I mean, I felt so welcomed, and just felt the peace of God and God’s hand in it. And so it was, it was interesting, because I would say our marriage changed, not when I started the program, but the day I made a clarity call.
Dana 14:49
Oh my goodness, Jake, that’s incredible. Yeah, it really is. That’s incredible. And I will, I will say. Say that you are not alone in that. The clarity call process is, it’s a good one. It’s so good, it’s a I don’t want to, I won’t interject my, you know, my opinion of it, because I guess I’m a little biased, but, but that’s that is the power of the opportunity to shed light on your story, to speak it out. And so that’s where your marriage started to shift. That is so beautiful. Yeah, incredible. So how was Was there any hesitation in you at this point through the clarity call process to accept the invitation that you were extended to join masculinity reclaim,
Speaker 1 15:42
I would say some you know, I mean, he Charles made it very clear that I needed to be pretty invested to do the program. And so, you know, I didn’t really know for sure what I laid ahead for me. So there was some hesitation there. But as far as starting to fix our marriage, I was 100% all in I was so done Dana that I I had tried every angle I could think of. I talked my wife to death. We went through the cycles that we’ve all been through of, you know, trying to connect and not being safe for each other, and the duty sex, and feeling wounded from that, and just restarting the cycle, and the anger bubbling up in me so much and trying to just read the books with my wife, or, you know, convince her to do this or that, that it, none of it worked. And so I was so ready to start the program, because I I didn’t have anywhere else to turn. I was just out of options.
Dana 16:45
Yeah, incredible, incredible. So you dive in, you come into the family. I love that you said that, because we are certainly a family there to support each other and and see this, see the Lord work in this, in this process. So I love that you recognize that I am. I’d love to hear just as your, as your journey progressed, what are some of the the results that you saw as from you know, from the beginning start Sure, to grow within within you, within your marriage, maybe even your family,
Speaker 1 17:21
yeah, early on, so one of the early modules is forgiveness module, and I was just harboring so much animosity in my heart for, really my wife, but a lot of different areas in my life. And so really, the healing started immediately for me on that I just felt lighter. I had prayed so much over the past several years that God would release me from some of my anger, and there were times it was better, but it never lasted more than a month or two, really. And with those forgiveness modules, I really was able to let go of so many past hurts. I mean, there was things that I really felt like I will never be able to move forward with this until my wife apologizes. She hasn’t apologized to this day, and I am so over it. I mean, it just the heart change that this program has made, has made me is unbelievable. The things that bothered me so much before that I couldn’t move past i i mean, they’re just not even a thought in the back of my mind at this point.
Dana 18:30
Yeah, I completely understand you are you are speaking my language, for sure. How did that? How did that feel?
Speaker 1 18:38
Oh, I felt so free. And still, do you know? I mean, it’s it just continued to build off that, but it was freedom. I I don’t remember feeling ever in our marriage, and it was within the first, probably two weeks, my wife started making comments too, that, you know, what’s going on? I don’t, Where’s this coming from? You know? Why are you saying these things? And she just really started to feel safe, almost
Dana 19:02
immediately, incredible. Now, did she know that you were going through the program?
19:08
She did not, she did
Dana 19:10
not no, no and and yet she was recognizing changes. And you even just said here that she was beginning to feel safe again. Yep, yes, wow. Talk about feeling free. I mean, that must have been such an incredible motivator.
Speaker 1 19:31
Oh, it was definitely guided, guided me through, because there’s some parts in the program that, you know, you’ll run into a roadblock here or there. And, yeah, it was, it was so motivating to me, just knowing that the way that I handled things, without any changes in her, would change the whole household, not not just her, but the kids and everyone around me.
Dana 19:54
Wow. So what kind of changes are you talking
Speaker 1 19:57
about just coming home? And you know, you you walk through the door after a hard day’s work, and you expect everybody to have a smile on their face. But the reality is that’s a lot of times not how that goes. And so just realizing that I had a choice to join them in that, or to lead them, and as God designed me to do. And, you know, just to try to bring joy to the family and make life easier for them, instead of adding to the misery. And you know, it was interesting almost every night that happened within 20 or 30 minutes, if not less, you just see the whole attitude in the house shift, just pivoting off my reaction to them. Incredible, a release of tension. Yeah, I would say, so, yeah, there was, there was one moment that was just really impactful to me, that there, there was just a lot of times in the program that God would just open my eyes to different things from the past and would allow me to apologize to my family for one thing or the other, for the way that I acted that I had never seen. But we were working in the garage, my wife and all the kids and I, and I took a box down off the top shelf, and I had a propane regulator fell, hit me on top of the head, and
21:20
everyone just froze, and they were just waiting for me to react, and I didn’t, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 21:37
I think that was the first time in our marriage, and for sure that my kids had ever seen something like that happen to me and me not react and rage in some way, in some way, and God just really allowed me to see how it hurt their hearts and had not been a safe place for them over the years. And honestly, as I look back on it, that moment was just such a blessing, and I was able to apologize to my wife, and that was one of the times that that she just said, you know, I don’t know. I don’t understand how you’re seeing these things.
Dana 22:08
Jake, incredible. There’s emotion here. Yeah, in that, in the end, thank you for sharing that, that that story, that example of what you’re talking about. But it is, it’s emotional for you. What? What brings the emotion to the surface in that,
Speaker 1 22:29
oh, my heart was just so hard and and, I mean, God has just opened, opened up my heart in so many ways, and just my capacity to love my family is so much greater. And I just again, I look at those things, and the reference back to the wall, I mean, he was just allowing me to just slowly take bricks out of the wall and and see my family and have relationship with them again. And I’m just so thankful for that. And yeah, that’s the emotion is I just am so grateful for the program and the work that God’s done in my heart,
Dana 23:01
praise God, so incredible. That is a huge shift. That’s a huge shift that is so incredible. Wow, any other impactful moments that you’d like to share with us?
Speaker 1 23:20
Yeah, probably the, probably the biggest one for me would have been, you know, I really, again, the forgiveness modules were huge, and there’s apologies in there that you work through and and those were, those were probably the biggest as far as healing the old wounds. And those were also the hardest ones for me to do, because I really didn’t want to open up those old scars. I felt like I might be doing more harm than good, and Belah made sure that I understood that that needed to happen before we could move forward, and she was 100% right. But for me, the biggest moment in the program was the night before I graduated. I was sleeping, and we had a thunderstorm roll through, and there was two just extremely loud claps of lightning woke me up. And the amazing thing is, my wife slept normally. I’m the one that sleeps through everything, and she wakes up, I mean, so easily. And I was awake, and I could not get back to sleep. And God just was just heavy on my heart,
24:31
and what he put on me that night was just the story of David and Bathsheba,
Speaker 1 24:40
and I just couldn’t get rid of the thought as much as I tried to go to sleep. And finally I thought, you know, I just need to, I just need to get up and write this down. And I got up and wrote, wrote it down. And by then the thunderstorm had passed. But as soon as I started writing this down, it just started. The most gentle rain started. And just. Such a peaceful moment and just one of the biggest shifts in my life. But what God told me was, you know, I have ranched and raised cattle and worked with horses and animals my whole life, and I’ve trained people to do it, and I’m communicating with these animals, you know, non verbally, and trying to keep them so they feel safe and not threatened. And I’ve watched other people do this, and, you know, it’s interesting to me, because a lot of people it is professionally, have had marriages that struggle, and I’ve never understood that. You know, how can you be in such in such good communion with something like that, and be their safe place and a place of trust, and not be able to do it for your wife? And as I thought back to the story of David and Bathsheba, I thought about when Nathan, the Prophet came to him and was telling the story of the man that raised up the sheep and raised it up like it was one of his own daughters, and a rich man came and took the sheep. And long story short, Nathan was telling David about this, and David said, well, that man should be put to death. And Nathan said to him, Well, it’s you, David, that man is you referring to him stealing uriah’s wife, right? And God, just laid it so heavy on my heart that that that was me. I was the one that that knew full well how to take care of my wife and love her, but wasn’t doing it. And it was the most impactful moment I’ve ever had in my life, and it completely shifted my heart to one of just realizing that I am married to a daughter of the king, and it is my responsibility to love her and protect her.
Dana 27:08
Incredible, incredible. And as you said, that’s that’s an impact, an impact on your entire life. Yeah, that’s all encompassing. Absolutely incredible. Praise, God. Oh, he’s so kind. Oh, just so kind to relate to you in that way and to give you that story, Wow, it’s beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I You had talked earlier about the fact that counseling really just wasn’t it wasn’t helpful. It was, it was difficult. And then five years of trying to do things on your own, what would you say was was so different about dym or to let your marriage to give you this, this new
Speaker 1 28:03
I would, I would say there’s just such a biblically based roadmap there that, you know, it just, it just really illustrates the point of the more we know and the more we learn, the less frustrated we are, you know. And it just really gave me answers to problems that continue to reoccur in our marriage, and when one would pop up, I knew how to handle it. And then, obviously, Belah is amazing. I mean, her, her in that group of men, I just, I just can’t say enough. I mean, she is just truly gifted from God to heal marriages and the way that she interacts with those men. I mean, it’s, it’s not uncomfortable at all, and she holds her space so well. And just just really has a feel for every man in there, in their marriage, and it really just just started to shift, you know, almost immediately. And then the group of men in the accountability group, when I signed up, to be honest, I wasn’t sure what I would think of that. I thought, well, I’ll probably get a lot of the coaching, but the accountability group, I don’t know if that’ll do a lot for me. Take it or leave it right. I tell you what I can. I can’t say enough good about that, that group of men,
Dana 29:34
yeah, why? So what made it? What made the difference?
Speaker 1 29:38
Well, for one, I mean, and not just in that group, but the whole program. I mean, the men that are in there, they’re ready to be worked with. We’ve tried it and we’ve failed, and so we are truly clay that is ready to be molded and and you see it immediately. But the men in my accountability group, especially, I. They’ve been there, they’ve seen it, and they’re living it with you, and they are willing to hold you accountable, in love, but just so much support and just the help that they give you, because so many of these problems, I mean, they’re not they’re not new, you know, we’ve all experienced them, so they they’ve been there and just just really help you grow and and hold you accountable to the LTPs and just the regular practices of the program.
Dana 30:32
So it sounds like that accountability group became as important to you as as the coaching call. Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. Excellent. Excellent. Jake, how has this, this work that that you’ve done, that the work that the Lord has done in your heart impacted your your family as a whole,
Speaker 1 30:54
oh, as a whole. I would tell you that I look forward to coming home to my house at the end of the day, seeing my wife and my kids, and my wife and I have take every opportunity we can to slip away and spend time together. And it’s just the attitude is so much better. You know, we’ve got little ones, and you just see, you just see the joy reflected in them, but also just just the way that they communicate is so much
31:29
happier and less cutting and mouthy, I guess I would say,
Speaker 1 31:36
just because they they’re reflecting my leadership, you know. So it truly is just a place of joy. And it just was not before it was it was a place that I survived until the next work day before, and now it truly is a sanctuary for me,
Dana 31:51
sanctuary. Oh, that’s a beautiful word, really beautiful word. How about your faith? How’s that been impacted?
Speaker 1 32:02
And it’s been really positive. I would tell you that I have been a man of faith for a lot of years, but I feel so much closer to God, and the way that I feel the Holy Spirit is just unbelievable. And, you know, it’s really witnessed even, even when my wife and I do have a disagreement over something which is so rare compared to what it was, we’ve gone four months with, I think, one small disagreement now, and we couldn’t go four days before. So you just see that relationship that we have with each other and with God, and it’s just allowed us to trust each other and trust him so much more,
Dana 32:46
so much more trust, safety, trust. I also hear leadership. You’ve You’ve mentioned a couple times that you know, taking the lead in this work has has really been important for you, recognizing that that leadership role in your family, the reaction to the box falling on your head, an opportunity to lead right coming in the door at the end of the day. I can lead in join them, or I can lead and shift this. I just want to, you know, I want to highlight that that’s that that takes diligence and ownership, right? Yeah, and I believe that you, sir, really, truly stepped into exactly that and recognizing what God had for you in store for you, it’s so beautiful. Yeah, absolutely beautiful. Yeah.
Speaker 1 33:45
That’s been one of the biggest things I would say, is the leadership is just realizing that I was designed to be the leader of the home, and I think that that’s why the program works too. You know, when it when it’s one sided, and your wife doesn’t know, is because you’re just truly working in God’s design there, right? And so when you’re working in God’s design, God’s plan starts to work in your home.
Dana 34:09
Yes, amen, you are. So right about that. So Right? Was there anything that you didn’t necessarily expect to happen, but you’re grateful for.
Speaker 1 34:27
Yeah, I mean, and I’ve, I’ve mentioned it, I guess indirectly, but yeah, I mean, I did not expect relationships outside of my marriage to get better. I thought, you know, a lot of the reason I signed up was for the intimacy part of this, and that is that that is probably the most unexpected part to me, is I with some of the sexual addiction and stuff that I had before. I mean, I had just a hunger that couldn’t be quenched. Wow. And. Belah, I am so content in that now. I told my wife just about two weeks ago that I have never, never felt this sexually satisfied in my life. It’s just not in the back of my mind all the time. When we are able to make love, it’s just so much better. There’s so much more passion. We are truly connecting with each other, and it just makes me feel so fulfilled. I never thought that would happen. I would never thought I would be be released from from that addiction completely. I thought I would always fight it and and granted, I know that as a man, that’s it. There will be battles there, but it is just so much better, and it’s just changed relationships, not not just in the marriage, but the way that I view my kids, the way that I view people I work with, yeah, my heart is just so much lighter, and I’m just so much more content and satisfied.
Dana 36:07
Incredible, absolutely incredible. Praise. God. Wow, so so good. Does your wife know now that you’ve graduated from the program, does she? Is she now aware of what of the world
Speaker 1 36:23
she is? So that was, that was part of the night before the graduation deal. I’d been praying, and I’d had the men in our in my accountability group praying for me too, on how, if and how I should disclose the fact that I’m in the program with her. And after I had that revelation from God, I just laid there in bed and just wept and wept uncontrollably, and I just knew that I needed to tell my wife the next morning. And so I did, did tell her the next morning. And I again, threw up through through a short apology. I started it with that, um, just apologizing for the husband that I’ve been and not recognizing. And she said again to me, she says, I don’t understand where this is coming from. She says, I just feel like this is supernatural. And I said, Well, it is supernatural, but there’s another layer to it too. I said, I’ve been taking a program. And she said, Well, I knew I had to be supernatural or you got hit in the head. So she says, but I wasn’t complaining. Oh, I said, Well, having said that, when, when I, when I told her that she just put her head in her hands and just sobbed, oh, she just was so thankful that I made the effort for her. And you know, she’d seen the change in our family over months, and she said since then, you know this, that our marriage is better than the day we were married.
38:02
Praise God.
Speaker 1 38:04
So it really just shifted us so much. And and after that, I said, Well, I got to graduate in 10 minutes. So I got on the phone with Belah, and in a way, we went. So yeah, she is, she is aware now, and, yeah, we’re just doing great, and she’s so appreciative, and we’ve listened to a few podcasts since, and she’s gained some interest in the program, and we’re just just so happy.
Dana 38:32
Oh, that is so incredible. I sense some emotion in you again in this piece, what do you mind sharing what, what that emotion was under the circle? Yeah, I just,
Speaker 1 38:47
I was nervous, you know, I was nervous when I, when I told my wife that maybe she would feel like I was living our life off of a script, you know, instead of it coming from my heart, and she didn’t feel that way at all. She just was so thankful and and, yeah, the emotion is I just, I just, I didn’t think we would be here where we’re at ever, and we’re here in 12 weeks. And I look and I mean, there’s just so much more to build off here, too. I just really believe it’s just going to continue to get better and but having said that, if it, if this is as good as it ever got, I just would be thrilled.
Dana 39:31
So incredible. There is so much more. It’s exactly what we talked about here at the beginning of this our time together. This is eternity focus, absolutely this is, this is an opportunity to deepen your relationship with the Lord, to deepen your relationship with your wife and your children and beyond the kingdom. It’s extremely exciting.
39:55
Well, the generations
Dana 39:56
are changed. Oh, excuse me, yeah. No, no, it’s okay. Go ahead. What were you gonna.
Speaker 1 40:00
Okay, yeah, just the generations that are changed. I mean, I see, I see my kids being raised in a different household than they were 12 weeks ago. And you know, I was prior to delight your marriage. I was not a husband that I would have been proud if my daughters had married someone like me, and now they see how a husband should be, and my son sees how he should behave as a husband, and it’s just the trickle down effect is huge.
Dana 40:28
It’s incredible, yes, absolutely incredible and unstoppable when you take the lead, Jake, which is exactly what you did. You took the lead, you humbled yourself in so many ways, in so many ways, to allow the Lord the space in your heart to transform it, to bring you to exactly where he wanted you to be to start this journey. Absolutely, yeah, you said it. You said it earlier, becoming the man that that God really intends for you to be in the context of your marriage. So incredible. Anything else you’d like to share?
Speaker 1 41:10
Oh, I would just say, anyone that hears this and is thinking at all that they can that they have any role to play in changing their marriage, don’t wait five years. Great message, start tomorrow. Yes. And you know, if you’re like me and don’t think you can change your marriage, join anyway. Belah will convince you that that as a leader in your home and as a man of God, you can, and you absolutely will be able to,
Dana 41:46
yes, ah, amen, amen. What an incredible story, really, truly. Thank you so much for for sharing all of this with us, and including the the really difficult and vulnerable pieces here, Jake, the story is real and it’s, it’s, it’s prevalent and the but the story of hope that follows is Absolutely a grace by by God to bring about in in your life. And as you said, for generations to come, this is beginning,
Speaker 1 42:30
and just everyone in it, and just the change that it’s made, I’m, I’m, as you said, totally humbled and just just thankful in a way that I never thought I could be
Dana 42:40
Yes, amen, so good. Thank you. Thank you yes from me and the entire team. Thank you so much for sharing.
42:52
Absolutely thanks, Dana, you’re so welcome. You
Belah Rose 43:07
Belah, oh my gosh, thank you, Jake, for sharing your story. Powerful. Praise the Lord. I think multiple of us on the graduation call were in tears. So it’s just amazing to see what God has done, and he gets all the glory for these transformations, truly. So if you are in a situation, maybe as Jake was, and you’re ready, you’re ready to learn to lead and actually walk it out in your highest human assignment, you know maybe you’ve walked it out in other areas of your life, but not knowing how to do it in your own marriage. Now’s the time use this as your sign to get moving, to do something heroic and change yourself, ultimately changing everything in your marriage and in your kids and ultimately your legacy. So go to delight your marriage. COMM, slash, CC, get on a free clarity call. We’ll walk you through your own journey. You’ll talk to someone as compassionate as Dana, a clarity advisor, who will walk you through that and and then discern if this is the right thing. If we are confident that you could have the story and the turnaround like Jake, and if so, we’ll invite you in and you can see if this is the right fit for you as well. Let me finalize this just by praying Lord Jesus, you know this individual, and you know their story, and you know what was stirred in them, in hearing you work in their brother, Jake, father. I pray in Jesus name that you would meet this person, meet this listener, even now, touch their heart. Help them to know that you hear them, you see them, you know them. They’re not alone. They can have hope too in every bit of their story, in every bit of their experience, they can hold on to your hope in Jesus name amen, alrighty. Listen. Listener, if your next step is to work with us, we would love the opportunity. We’d be privileged to help you out. All right. God bless you. We’ll talk next week. Bye. You.
45:09
You.
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