Podcast: Play in new window | Download
How a Family Life Educator Took Her Marriage from Good to Great: Jen’s Story
Sometimes, the couples who join our programs aren’t on the brink of divorce.
They aren’t fighting all the time.
They actually have a good marriage.
But deep down, they know it could be better.
That’s exactly where Jen was when she found Delight Your Marriage.
“We Had a Good Marriage… But I Knew It Could Be More”
Jen and her husband had been married nearly 15 years. They had three young kids, a busy life, and no major marital crisis. As she put it, “We were not in conflict with each other. We didn’t have any major issues that we were dealing with from our past. You know, no unfaithfulness, nothing like that.”
Still, something inside her longed for more. She said to us, “I think the thing that drove me into it was knowing that our marriage was good, but understanding or having this feeling that it could be better.”
She remembered a pastor that had mentioned Delight Your Marriage to her and from there, took the leap of faith to schedule a Clarity Call. And what she discovered surprised her.
Through honest reflection and intentional questions, she realized that while her marriage looked peaceful from the outside, her heart was carrying something deeper: resentment.
She had no idea that this resentment had snuck into her heart, but once she saw it, she was set on rooting it out.
When Self-Pity Sneaks Into a Good Marriage
Not only did Jen identify resentment in her heart, but she discovered she had also been carrying self-pity. In listening to an episode of the podcast on self-pity before joining the program, she realized the topic was actually hitting her heart.
[For those interested: https://delightyourmarriage.com/393-the-sin-of-self-pity-aka-pride/]
In that moment, God started something new.
Through the program, Jen learned to let go of resentment and embrace gratitude. She began to see her husband not as someone who wasn’t “doing enough,” but as a man faithfully serving and providing for their family.
That simple—but powerful—shift changed everything.
The Power of Peace in a Great Marriage
As Jen walked through the program, she noticed a transformation in herself. Through the “heart” work, she found that her soul was also being renewed and that God was was reworking things her heart she didn’t even know where there.
And the result of that heart change?
Peace.
With Jen getting rid of the resentment, putting aside the self-pity, and bringing in appreciation, compliments, and admiration- it changed the atmosphere of their homes. Jen’s husband even came home one evening during his busiest season, wrapped her in a hug, and said, “Thank you. I’ve noticed how much more peaceful our home has been.”
She hadn’t been trying to get him to notice—but he did. What she considered a small change was actually impactful. “It was a change enough that he felt it too”
How God Turns a Good Marriage Into a Great One
When we allow God to transform us, our marriage begins to shift.
Jen said, “Our connection as a result of, I think just the peacefulness in the home and between us and our gratefulness for each other has brought us closer together in intimacy…”
Yes, even their physical intimacy changed! Before the program, intimacy was about once a week. Now? “Two or three times,” she said, smiling. And not only has the frequency been upped, but they are enjoying each other more (a major win!)
And it wasn’t a formula or manipulation—it was the result of a softened heart.
A Christ-Centered Marriage Transformation to Renew Her Soul
As a former family life educator in her church, Jen had led marriage classes before. So she was skeptical—could DYM really offer something new?
After completing the program, she said, “I haven’t encountered anything as beneficial, and that actually works as well, as what DYM does. And I think a huge part of that is because of, well, the commitment to Scripture and actually putting it into practice.”
Jen’s favorite part? The women’s small group.
“A place that’s safe, encouraging, and honest,” she said. “We prayed for each other, celebrated each other’s wins, and shared struggles without fear of judgment. I’ve never experienced community like that.”
There’s Always More God Wants to Do in Your Marriage
When asked what she’d tell another wife who has a good marriage but knows there’s more, Jen didn’t hesitate:
“I think I would just say…wherever you are in your marriage, if you think there’s room for growth, then there’s probably room for growth. So go after it, go after it, go after it…I would, for sure say, do it with DYM, because I think it’s… I think it’s a powerful, powerful program.”
Jen’s words remind us that “good” isn’t the goal. God desires great marriages—ones marked by peace, gratitude, and deep connection.
Wherever your marriage is at: whether you’re separated and not speaking or in a good place but wanting just a little more, we know that God is still working and He can change things for good.
With love,
The Delight Your Marriage Team
PS – Ready to take the leap of faith and make that Clarity Call? Don’t hesitate! Schedule a free call with one of our Clarity Call advisors at delightym.com/cc or
PPS – Interested in having this program at your church? Check out delightyourmarriage.com/ipt for more information on joining our Pilot Program!
PPPS – Here’s what (another) recent graduate has to say about our program:
“Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage… [Now] I’ve seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I’ve ever felt…I sincerely have a delight toward her that I’ve not felt in over a decade.”
Transcript:
Dana 00:01
Belah, okay, Jen, I am so excited to be here with you today. Thank you so much for for being here and sharing your story. It’s it’s a good one, and it’s super important for people to hear so I would love it, if you don’t mind, just to start off by telling us a little bit about yourself and how did you stumble on delight your marriage? Sure.
Jen G. 00:28
Well, my name is Jennifer, or Jen, my husband and I have been married for almost 15 years now. We have three children. They’re eight, six and three I am. I was a family life educator in a church setting, church ministry setting, and then turned stay at home mom when my third child was born three years ago. So that’s my life. Now, I heard about dym through actually pastor Kevin beltman, yes, who actually a new interview with him. So he ended up, well, he was at my church because his son is my pastor. So, well there, yeah, dym and so I started listening to the podcast first, and really liked what I was hearing, and heard some of the transformation stories. And mostly was curious, and so scheduled a clarity call and ended up joining the program. Wow, so
Dana 01:53
that’s awesome. Oh, that is so cool. We do love we do love Kevin. We had, I had a lot of fun with Kevin when he was here, a part of the delight your marriage team. So how cool it is to to bring you, know, such a world wide audience, down to something so small and connected, as Kevin’s son being your pastor. That’s really cool. Very cool. So if we could start by you just share a little bit with me, if you don’t mind about that clarity call, like, Was it hard for you to sign up for it, and then what was that process like for you?
Speaker 1 02:33
I think
Jen G. 02:35
one thing I wasn’t sure about when I signed up for the clarity call was whether or not the program would really benefit me, because my husband and I had a good marriage. Yeah, we were not in conflict with each other. We didn’t have any major issues that we were dealing with from our past. You know, no, no unfaithfulness, nothing like that. But I think the thing that drove me into it was knowing that our marriage was good, but understanding or having this feeling that it could be better, yes, yes. So that’s what really pushed me into the clarity call and then from there into the program.
Dana 03:30
So good, so good. So did that clarity call process help you to understand that you’re right there, could be more, and there’s actually a way to help you get there.
Jen G. 03:46
Yeah, it did. It helped me pinpoint some of the issues that I was having that I don’t know that I would have been able to express or articulate without that process happening.
Dana 04:04
Interesting, interesting. How did it? How did it help you pinpoint some of those, those issues?
Jen G. 04:10
I mean, in the call you guys, you know, did ask all kinds of questions, and it helped pull some things out that I think I wasn’t fully aware of. Oh, wow. Okay. Responses. It was like, oh, okay, there’s some stuff here. Some of it, really, I didn’t recognize it until I was into the program, and I was able to look back and go, Okay, that yes, this, what was happening here.
Dana 04:35
Yes, yes, yes, yes. So good. And so what was it like to be in the program, to be in front of Belah and her coaching.
Jen G. 04:49
It was, honestly, it was a lot of hard work, but it was also i. A really, I guess the word that’s coming to mind is soul renewing process, yeah, because Belah does such a good job of being rooted to Scripture and pushing, pushing me, pushing us into God’s word and into time spent with God that it just started. God used that time to rework some things in my heart that I didn’t even know were there. Yeah, and then besides Belah, just being in a small group of ladies who were there every week to cheer each other on and encourage each other. Was really powerful. And, yes, was an amazing connection that I don’t think I really experienced anywhere else. Yeah,
Dana 05:55
that that’s that’s really special. Can you tell me a little bit more about about being a part of that, that women’s community, I hold it very near and dear to my heart, but I would love to hear a little bit more about your experience.
Jen G. 06:09
Yeah. I mean, it was, it’s funny, because you’re talking with people who really you start out as complete strangers, yes, and then within a week or two, you’re talking about things intimacies and various other things that you would not talk about with anybody else, right? And yet, it’s a place that is safe and encouraging. We’re praying for each other, we’re sharing struggles, we’re sharing successes, we’re just cheering each other on to actually put into practice the things that we’re learning. And everybody comes in at different times. So you have some people who have been through more of the program that can kind of point the way to those who are working their way through. And everybody gets to be on both ends of that, as you’re starting and as you’re finishing. It was really neat to hear some of the other stories of some of the other ladies and where they were coming from and where they ended up. So they’re going to tell their stories here,
Dana 07:15
obviously, of course, not, because confidentiality is very we’re take that, yes, we take that very seriously. So it, it really is, means a lot to me, and I know to Belah, to hear that you felt safe in that community, that it that it was a place that you could really lean into, get the support that you needed and and really just kind of hold each other up. That’s awesome, excellent, very, good. So I just love it. I love that safe, that just that that word is perfect for the the atmosphere in in the women’s community, and it is, just like you said, it’s very unlike any other place you can be, where in the conversations that you can have and have them with confidence and safety and security, it’s so great. I’m so grateful. Praise God for that experience for you that’s that’s beautiful. How did the delighted wife program help you overcome the challenges you felt you were facing as you came in.
Jen G. 08:25
Well, like I said, there was a lot of hard work that happened. Really had to take a look internally at some of my habits and attitudes and challenged me to look at the ones that were less than helpful in my marriage. I came to realize that I was carrying some resentment toward my husband. He has a demanding job for a good chunk of the year that has him often gone for evenings or long hours. And, you know, kids were, they’re young, when they’re little, you
Speaker 2 09:14
know, yes, there is
Jen G. 09:16
um, and so I had some resentment. I had some self pity going on, in fact, like, right before the clarity call, I listened to Belah s podcast about self pity. She’s got, I don’t know what number it was, but it was her one about self pity is basically the same thing as pride, because it Yes, saying I deserve better than this. And I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1 09:42
okay, yeah.
Jen G. 09:46
And so I was able to turn away from that and away from resentment to appreciating what my husband did and encouraging him and what he does do well. And. And it sounds so simple. Did change a lot for
Speaker 3 10:08
us? Wow, how so? How
Dana 10:11
did it? Well,
Jen G. 10:12
I just I wasn’t so critical, or so like, upset every time he would be later than I expected, or had another meeting, or I just was able to be more at peace with what was happening and the schedule, and
Jen G. 10:34
I’m not sure how to describe it, honestly, that’s okay. If I come up with words later, I’ll let you know. Yeah, no, no,
Dana 10:42
I think, I think peace is, is a good word to use it, because we, if we boil it down to your home, you’re with the kids, they’re doing their thing. You’re a little bit at the end of your rope at the end of the day, if it’s late, and he’s, you know, having to work later, but him coming home to you feeling a sense of peace versus what I know, what the feeling is like, because I was in a similar situation as you. Before delight your marriage, there was more just anxiety and tension. And you know, where have you been? Why? You know, not necessarily even questioning, but just the atmosphere of that, yeah, that lateness and what and what’s going on. So to be able to replace that with more of a piece and understanding Yeah, must have had a significant impact. Is what I’m
Jen G. 11:39
Yeah, it was, I was nearing the end of the program, and honestly starting to wonder if my husband really even noticed anything. You know, I felt different. Did he see anything? Yes, and he came home one afternoon after school in the middle of crazy busy season. He’s gone all day long, plus a couple nights or more a week, and he he came over to me, I was cooking dinner, and gave me a hug and just said something like, thank you. I I’ve just noticed how much more peaceful our home has been and expressed his gratitude for that and for not making him feel guilty about his late nights. But just, I think he just felt incredibly supported. Yeah, he had me in tears
Dana 12:38
because I was just gonna say, Jen, like, I hear some emotion. Yeah, voice with this, it was big deal. What? What is that? What is that emotion?
Jen G. 12:49
What? Well, I was just overwhelmed with, I guess, a the timing of it, yes, because I had just been wondering, like, has he even, does? He even notice? Like that wasn’t. My goal was to make him notice, and yet I wonder, yeah. So yeah, I was just, I was grateful that he noticed, and thankful that it was a change enough that he
Dana 13:14
felt it too. Wow, that’s That’s huge. That’s huge. Did your husband know that you were going through the program?
Jen G. 13:24
He did. He knew I was going through it. He didn’t Other than that, he really didn’t know any details.
Dana 13:30
Okay, yeah, so he knew it was there, it was a thing, but not necessarily the the specifics around it. Yes, wow. Yeah, that’s huge. Jen, that is so, so wonderful. Oh, praise God. Super excited about that. Any other results or improvements that you’d like to share with us as a result of the delighted wife program,
Jen G. 13:58
our connection as a result of, I think just the peacefulness in the home and between us and our gratefulness for each other has brought us closer together in intimacy and
Jen G. 14:15
frequency, things like that is spilled over into other parts of our relationship for sure.
Dana 14:26
Wow, wow. So do you mind giving us a little bit more detail on that?
Jen G. 14:35
Um, I, I guess beforehand, we would be intimate, probably at most, twice a week. There’s probably more like once, okay, and so. Throughout the program, and since then, I would say we’re more on two to three a week on average, just enjoying each other more. And yes, our Yeah.
Dana 15:17
Wow. Incredible. Jen, you did good work here. You did Jim, because it takes that, right? It takes it takes commitment, and it takes really being able to lean in. Because, as you said in the clarity call you got, you got a little bit of an understanding that there were some, some things that were missing, but then getting into the program and really being able to to lean in and hear more of what the Lord was was calling your attention to. Clearly, you paid attention, and you put forth the effort to to learn those things and you know, and to to start to bridge, bridge the gap. And clearly, if your husband is coming home to a peaceful place and you’re more connected intimately, that is just, it’s huge.
Speaker 1 16:14
Really, it is, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jen G. 16:22
And I don’t know how this relates, but as as a family life educator in our church, I led marriage things, you know, marriage enrichment and used a variety of programs and resources, which was probably partly where I was like, well, well, will dym even be beneficial? Will it help? You know, yeah, but having gone through the program now, now I’m trying to figure out, how do I help people in my congregation learn more about the dym model and how to approach to marriage? But I haven’t encountered anything as beneficial, and that actually works as well as what dym does. And I think a huge part of that is because of, well, a the commitment to Scripture,
Speaker 3 17:18
yes, and
Jen G. 17:22
actually putting it into practice. And B the accountability, and not only with the group of ladies that you’re with, but with needing to, you know, I have to turn in homework, and I have to show people that I’m actually doing what I said I would do.
Dana 17:43
Yes, yes, yes. That’s incredible.
Jen G. 17:48
Really beneficial.
Dana 17:50
Really beneficial to move your good marriage into a space of of more, yeah, and growing, would you say,
Speaker 3 18:04
yes, yes, yes, yes.
Jen G. 18:08
We’re not. We’re not at a 10 out of 10 yet, right?
Dana 18:14
But to be growing in that in that direction, is so fulfilling, really, is, isn’t it?
Jen G. 18:22
It is to know that just feel like we have more tools to get through the hard
Speaker 3 18:36
Yes, yes.
Dana 18:40
So good, so so good. I love it.
Speaker 1 18:53
I
Dana 18:55
have here some some notes from your your clarity, call process, and it’s the dream portion that that stands out specifically to me, and that you’ve mentioned a couple times, the the scriptural aspect of the delighted wife program, and how really that’s the foundation of it. And one of the things that I love Jen about where you are now and where you were, then it was really you were looking forward to a closer connection to the Lord, so that you could, or excuse me, a closer connection to the Lord due to recognizing the need for him. That was, that was part of your dream. Would you say that you’ve moved incrementally closer to that?
Jen G. 19:49
Yeah, I think I’ve always been aware of that need. Yeah, it’s an ongoing one. You know, if you ever. Quit meeting that’s right, like we ever quit meeting God. But I think I was maybe made aware of a different way how it specifically can impact my marriage. Maybe it would be a good way of putting that,
Speaker 3 20:16
yes, yeah. That’s an excellent way of putting it, yeah, yeah.
Dana 20:23
Very good. So good. It all boils back down to that, that peace and understanding, I just love it. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Really means a lot. It’s a very impactful story, Jen, and we really appreciate your courage and your honesty, and in being here to share it, I know that it takes a lot to be able to put your story out there, so we really, really appreciate it. Before we finish, I’m curious if you would have any advice for a wife who may be in in a similar situation as you and as you were in prior to joining the delighted wife program,
Jen G. 21:09
I think I would just say, like, wherever you are in your marriage, if you think there’s room for growth, then There’s probably room for growth. So go after it, go after it. Go after it. Yeah, and I think I would, for sure, say, do it with dym, because I think
Speaker 1 21:36
it’s,
Jen G. 21:37
yeah, I think it’s a powerful, powerful program.
Dana 21:42
It says a lot. Jen, that says a lot coming from somebody who has, who has worked in this in this field, in this realm, in the past, that really, really says a lot. We’re so grateful for you. I’m grateful that when you were invited into the program, you were you were ready and committed. And clearly, as I said before, you really did, you really did dig in, and you leaned into that community. And all of it is just the results that have come as as a part of that commitment are beautiful, safety and peace. It’s just so, so sweet. Yeah, I
Jen G. 22:23
know that was Go ahead, going into it a concern I had to was the expense of it, because there’s an investment there, and we’re a single income family, you know, three kids, and so I had my concerns with that, but I I want my husband to go through I want to, like, you know, I would spend it again, in other words, to continue to benefit our marriage.
Dana 22:52
So that’s a big deal. That’s a big deal. Thank you for sharing that piece. Yeah, very, very important. Well, Jen, it’s been such a pleasure. Full circle moment. I just love it. Thank you so much again for for being here.
Jen G. 23:10
You’re welcome. Thank you. You’re welcome. My
Dana 23:14
pleasure.
Submit your review | |