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Strength from Suffering

Let me start with this: the enemy wants you to believe that when hard things happen, you’re done for. You’re weaker. You’re broken. That you can’t be used by God anymore.

But that’s a lie.

The truth is—God uses the hard things. He doesn’t waste our pain. In fact, Scripture tells us over and over again that it’s through trials that our faith, character, and hope are built.

The God Who Sees You and Knows You

Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages because it’s such a clear reminder: God knows everything about you.

He knows your name.

He knows what you’re up against.

He even knows the number of hairs on your head.

Not only is God all-knowing and omnipresent—but He is with you in your heartache. He understands the depths of your pain. He is not far off.

 

When You’re Facing Trouble-Lean in, Don’t Run

In our home, we’ve gone through a season of back-to-back trials. Maybe you’re there too. But here’s what I’ve learned: running from pain doesn’t produce growth—leaning into it does.

Jesus promised us in John 16:33 that there would be trouble in this world. But He also promised us His peace. Not peace like the world gives—but peace in the midst of chaos.

 

Endurance is Grown in the Fire

I want you to really let this truth soak in:

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials… for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2–4

Another translation puts it this way: “Consider it an opportunity for great joy.” – NLT

It’s not automatic joy—it’s an opportunity. A choice. A lens to see your situation through.

That’s why we need Scripture deep inside us—it reframes the pain.

 

What Doesn’t Kill You… Can Sanctify You

Yes, this is hard. But what if you started saying: “This is hard—and I love a challenge”?

God allows us to struggle so we can grow the muscles we need—just like a good father teaching a child to walk. He doesn’t always swoop in. Instead, He gives us space to build spiritual endurance.

And when endurance grows? Character grows. Hope grows. That’s Romans 5. And hope, the Bible says, does not disappoint.

 

The Danger of Distraction in a Culture that Numbs

One of the biggest traps we face in hard seasons is distraction. Social media. TV. Scrolling. Escaping.

But that doesn’t heal. It delays. It numbs.

If we want to grow in God’s strength, we must lean in. Let the Scripture simmer in our hearts. Let the pain teach us.

 

What is the Gift in This Situation?

When things are hard, ask yourself: “What is the gift in this?”

Even if your spouse is rejecting you over and over again… what if this is the exact thing God is using to grow your spiritual resilience?

I tell my boys all the time, “You’re learning perseverance right now.”

And maybe, so are you.

 

You Can Grow in Love–Even When Marriage is Hard

Whether or not your spouse is loving you well right now, you can still choose to lean in. You can still love. Still serve.

Did you know that your brain actually releases happy chemicals when you serve someone else?

That means if you’re hurting—serving someone can literally make you feel better.

 

Final Thoughts

You have a choice today.

You can become bitter, cynical, disappointed in God—or you can say:

“God, I trust You. There’s something here I can’t see yet—but I know You’re good.”

We don’t get to tell God what He should’ve done. But we do get to trust that He’s a good Father.

And when we do that…

We find His peace, His presence, and His purpose—even in the midst of pain.

We are rooting for you. We know God has good things for you. And whatever is going on right now that seems to much to bear, know that God will, He WILL, use it for good.

With love,

The Delight Your Marriage Team

PS – If you’re interested in healing your marriage and learning more about our programs, check out our FREE Masterclasses: Women’s Masterclass & Men’s Masterclass

PPS – Here is a quote from a recent graduate:

“Biggest struggles were with being unhappy, feeling hopeless about a positive future with him, not feeling accepted or seen, feeling like all he needed from me was physical intimacy and admiration but didn’t care to know me or care about me. I felt unhappy and hopeless… (After Delighted Wife), I have had many celebratory moments! We are having more fun together, more intimacy in our sharing, much better physical intimacy…Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It’s a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again.”

Transcript:

Belah Rose  00:01

Belah, welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me, Bela rose, as I dive deep into the beauty, power and truths about intimacy. Learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. Delight your marriage. Hi there. This is Belah, Rose, author, trainer, coach, and I’m really grateful that you’re joining here, because what the enemy wants us to believe is that when hard things happen to us, we become weaker, we become less effective, we become less able to do what God wants us to do. And that is a lie. So today, I want to focus in on the truth that God gives us through His Word. So before we do that, if you are eager to get your marriage transformed so that you can do more for God in this world, you have more peace, you have more connection, more fulfillment. You can share a life of kindness and goodness and a legacy of connection with your family. Delight, ym.com/cc is your next step to learn more. It’s kind of a consultation call called a clarity call, and you’ll talk to somebody who’s actually been through the whole journey of transformation and healing in their own marriage, and they would love to talk you through the possibility that you might be the right fit to work with us and witness transformation for you, your whole marriage, your Whole life. All right, let’s get into today’s conversation. You So personally, in the Bela rose household, we have gone through several trials, kind of, one right after the other. And maybe you are in that spot too. Maybe you are like, yeah, join the club. I’ve been there for a while. And if that’s the case for you, I want to encourage you, because we serve a God who gets it. He’s not one who’s far away, who doesn’t understand what we’re going through. I love Psalms 139 it’s so clear that he knows everything about us. He is not far away, unable to see what you are up against. He knows your name. He’s got even the hairs on your head numbered. The thoughts he has of you are more than the sand on the seashore. He understands what you’re going through. He cares he’s he’s so ever present that, yes, the God of the universe, your father is omnipresent, knows everything, but also he is in you. He knows the particulars of your heart. He knows the particulars of what you’re thinking about. He knows what you’re going through. And so when we trust him as a good father, we’re actually saying, I trust you, just like a child says, you know, I don’t really like that. Walking is hard. I don’t like that. I keep falling down. But a good father will not go and pick up their kid over and over again, they will let the child endure some difficult things so that ultimately the child will grow. The muscles needed the hand, eye coordination, needed the leg, eye coordination needed to walk. Ultimately, a good father is going to allow a child to go through hard things so they have an opportunity to grow. And that’s exactly what Jesus tells us over and over again in Scripture. And I love that he specifically says you’re going to have hard things. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m with you in this you will have my peace, because I’m with you, even Moses, when he didn’t want to go do the hard thing that God was calling him to go do. God said, Fear not. I am with you. I go with you, Moses, and so Jesus even says in John 1427, peace, I leave with you, my peace. I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid his peace. That’s what we’re leaning into. Another one. John 1633, I have said these things to you that in me, you may have peace in the world, you will have tribulation, but take heart. I have overcome the world. So I just encourage you the pain you’re going through, the hard you’re going through. Take a moment. Take a moment. Take Take a breath. Let’s lean in. Let’s say, Jesus, I take you at your word. This isn’t easy, Lord, this isn’t easy. But I trust you’re the God of the universe, and I trust that you are who you say you are, I get to have your peace even in the midst of hard. So on the last episode you might have remembered, or if you haven’t listened to Jennifer’s story, she talks about the pain she’s been in for many years. And you’ll recognize that when we look at Scripture, James, one, two through four, I mean, it has been burning in me, especially in the midst of some of the these family challenges and just these things that seem to be piling up. But truly it says, count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing Another scripture translation talks about it says endurance rather than steadfastness. All right, I like my translation better, so I will go into it. What is it? It is new, Living Translation, dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. This is an opportunity for great joy. It doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily going to be something you choose joy around. It’s, it’s an opportunity. You know, this is, this is Paul, I’m sorry, this is James recommending some things to you. It’s, it’s not a automatic. This is why we need scripture in us over and over and over again, because it redirects us so it’s an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. It has a chance to grow. It doesn’t mean it’s automatic. It means your endurance can grow through this testing, so let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete needing nothing. Now that is not the story that the enemy paints in our society. If you are traumatized,

Speaker 1  07:43

you’re broken, sorry forever, you are gonna have trouble.

Belah Rose  07:50

Yeah? Well, guess what? Jesus does say there’s gonna be trouble in this world. Yes, there are pains. I’m not negating that these are serious, and you can cry and you can be heartbroken, and you can be in pain, and you can lean into that, you can recognize that, you can process that with sisters or brothers. You may very well need that season of grieving, but I invite you to not lose hope, because we know that if you look at this struggle, this pain, this difficulty, rightly, you have an opportunity to grow in endurance so that, as it is fully developed, endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect, lacking nothing. So I would like this opportunity to sing the you might call it an old, tiny spiritual hymn. Goes a little like this, what does not kill you makes you stronger. All right, that is all that’s all I had to say about that spiritual hymn. But the truth is, we really can see it that way, because biblically speaking, that’s a little more accurate than the the typical you know, you’ve been traumatized and so you have PTSD, and this is a forever burden. It might be a forever burden, but if you can look at this as an opportunity of joy, your endurance is going to grow, and the enemy can’t attack you in that way again, because you recognize the truth. I would love to share with you also, Romans, five. Therefore I’m going to start in one. Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ, through Him, we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Amen. So this is the key verse I want you to really clue into. Start paying attention. I’m not sure, not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. So I want you to just be encouraged that if you’re going through the hard right now, this very well may be God’s way of growing you. And it doesn’t mean you have to feel all these positive things the whole time, but if you can have hope in the midst, if you can recognize there is purpose. Here I am growing here. I’m growing in endurance. I am growing in character. You know, that’s what I try to tell my sons a lot when they’re in the midst of figuring something out that’s hard. Like, yep, you’re you just keep at it. You’re going to figure it out. You’re learning perseverance right now. You’re growing in endurance. I mean, that is true. So I just want to encourage you, if you are fighting for your marriage, if you’re in the midst of being rejected over and over and over again, what if? What if you could consider it great joy? What if you could consider it an opportunity to grow in endurance? Maybe God is wanting to teach you something important that you couldn’t learn any other way. Could you give God the benefit of the doubt? Could you say, Lord, I trust you, there’s something good here. I have a wonderful client. He says, he says, God’s right, I’m wrong. He’s like, I’m looking at it the wrong way, if I can’t figure this out. And yeah, let’s give God, the God of the universe, whose ways are higher than our ways, whose thoughts are higher than our thoughts. When I said, Let there be light, nothing happened. When he did, the whole world began. So maybe, just maybe, he’s got something going on that I can’t tell. And maybe this word is true. Maybe, just maybe it’s worth me trusting it. And the thing is, we are in such a culture of distraction. How do we even lean into God’s peace when we’ve got a constant screens pinging at us and constant scrolling and this and that. I mean, it’s real life. I can say all sorts of beautiful things, but if you don’t let this simmer, if the Scripture doesn’t simmer in you, growth is not going to happen. You’re just going from a hard situation to a distracted a distracted state. You’re not going to grow that way. You have to lean into the heart. You lean in to the strength God offers you amidst the heart. Running away from the heart isn’t an opportunity to grow. God may have really important things for you to learn right now, and because you’re running away from it one way or another, whether it’s an addiction, whether it’s even sex, whether it’s you yearning for sex, If only my wife would make love to me, this wouldn’t be so hard. Well, guess what? That’s not the only way to handle difficulty. There are good things about sex. You know, I’m on your side. Intimacy is wonderful in your marriage, wonderful, dear wife. Lean into intimacy. Lean into your spouse in this time in the heart. You being a unified team is so valuable amidst the heart. But I know, and you know as a listener, that the the people in the faith that that were absolutely incredible in what, how they followed Jesus. Not all of them were married. A lot of them are celibate. And so I know you can get through your hard leaning into Jesus and lean into your spouse, serve them in the midst of your heart, love them. Well, you know it’s really fun to know that your brain actually produces good chemicals in you when you serve somebody else. So if you’re going through hard figure out how to serve somebody else, and you’re going to feel better, it’s actually pretty wild that that’s true. So there’s different times that over years I share this. This. Comment that I’ve heard elsewhere, but it’s this comment of, this is hard and I love a challenge, and I would love that to be your mindset of like, this is hard and I love a challenge. What I’m doing right now is hard and I love a challenge. Can you think about the difficulties that way. There’s another question you can ask yourself that will help tweak it. And the question is, I actually have it posted in front of me, because I like to remind myself of this question over and over again. What is the gift in this situation? What is the gift? Or how can I see this as a gift? How can I see this as a gift? I love the opportunity to grow. I love reflecting on a bad situation and ask, How can I grow from this where’s the opportunity to lean in and grow? Let me tell you, if you know me, well, you know, I make a lot of mistakes, and I grow really hard when I make those mistakes, I have uniquenesses that you know, the more anyone gets to know me, it’s it’s one of those things they’ll see, which is great you do too. And if during the hard, you can say, this is hard, and I love a challenge, this is hard, and I get to grow in endurance. My character gets to grow when we see somebody’s life in a difficult spot, and we see them approach it with dignity steadfastness. They stay in faith and they stay in hope. Doesn’t that make you respect them more, doesn’t it make you want to admire them? So don’t run from the pain through distraction. Don’t whine through it, right? Don’t be disappointed at God. I’ve done that plenty, but, but don’t blame God, because God is a good father, and he’s all up in here like he gets it. Remember, we talked about Psalm 139, he gets your heart. He knows it. He’s in the midst, and he has an opportunity for you to grow. So we’re here for you. If it’s your marriage. We want to walk you through transformation. I’m ready for you to be on the podcast as the next transformation story. Come on. But whatever the challenge is that the enemy is putting in your path. Can you see that suffering as your opportunity for joy, a chance to grow in endurance. But you have to choose. You have to see it that way. You can see it as another opportunity to become more and more hopeless, hard hearted, disappointed at God, angry that he didn’t do what you expected him to do in this situation. And the sad thing is, I see people who have been walking, quote, unquote, with Jesus for decades, and yet that’s how they see God when He doesn’t meet their expectations. And sadly, that is such pride. We don’t get to tell God what he should and shouldn’t have done in a situation. We get to trust his character and know he’s good in the midst of the situation. And we get to look for the gift. We get to look for the opportunity to praise him in the midst, because there is so much opportunity, but it’s up to us to see it that way. All right, let me pray for you before we wrap up. Holy Spirit. I thank you that you are in this person. If they’ve surrendered their life to You, Jesus, you are with them. You’re in them. You’re guiding them, you’re comforting them. Lord and the hard they’re going through is their opportunity to have joy. Lord, even in the sadness, they can have joy. There can be moments of respite. They can laugh. They can have joy in the midst. They can have peace in the midst. So you are a God that gives us peace in the midst of tribulation. Help this one to see this as a gift, to see this as their opportunity to grow and father, whatever next step you want them to take, would you make it clear? Make it clear to them. I pray in Jesus name Amen. Alright, dear listener. God bless you. I look forward to talking to you soon, and if we’re your next step, delight. Ym.com/cc it’s pretty easy to type in delight, ym.com/cc, is the clarity call. We’d love to help you. Let’s get you on the podcast for the next transformation story. Come on. It does take some work for you to get there, but I know you got this and, man, it’s totally worth it to get on the other side. So delight. Ym.com/cc if you’re ready for that transformation, we’d love to walk alongside you. All right. God bless you. We’ll talk soon. You