Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Marriage is one of the greatest blessings — and one of the greatest refining processes — we can experience. But if we’re honest, many of us carry regrets when it comes to how we’ve treated our spouse, how we’ve handled conflict, or the words we’ve spoken in frustration.

We don’t always recognize how often harshness sneaks into our marriage, chipping away at intimacy, connection, and joy. But here’s the good news: God’s love can heal, restore, and transform even the most regret-filled moments in your relationship.

In a recent conversation with author and speaker Rhonda Stoppe, we unpacked the profound truth of living with “no regrets” in marriage — and the practical steps to get there.

You Can Break Free From the Regrets Holding You Back

Let’s be honest — we’ve all made mistakes in marriage, in parenting, in life. Those regrets? They can paralyze us. Rhonda reminded us that regret is often a weapon the enemy uses to keep us from becoming the women God designed us to be.

But here’s the truth — God’s love washes those regrets away.

Philippians tells us to “forget what lies behind and strain toward what lies ahead.” Even Paul had to lay his past down — his role in Stephen’s death, his persecution of believers — yet God still used him powerfully. The same is true for you.

Whether your regrets stem from the way you’ve treated your spouse, parenting mistakes, or deep wounds from your own upbringing, you are not disqualified from God’s call on your life.

 

The Destructive Power of Harshness in Marriage

Rhonda unpacked something so practical yet so convicting: how often our inner thoughts turn harsh long before words ever leave our mouth.

Ever had the entire argument with your husband in your head before he even walked through the door? I’ve been there! You play out the “you always” or “you never” narrative and boom — your harsh words fly the second he steps inside.

But as Rhonda beautifully reminded us, love “believes all things” (1 Corinthians 13). That means believing the best about our spouse — assuming good intentions — not assigning negative motives.

Harshness can destroy intimacy faster than almost anything else. It pushes our husband away emotionally. It makes our home a place he — and even our children — dread coming back to.

The Courage to Repent: Humility Over Pride

This hit me hard. Rhonda shared how pride keeps so many people from growth. It’s painful to look back and realize we’ve done things wrong for so long. But friend, God already knows it all — and still loves you.

When we confess, repent, and humble ourselves before Him, He transforms us from the inside out. David’s story is such an example. After his sin with Bathsheba, he didn’t make excuses. He repented with a broken, contrite heart — and God restored him.

If harshness, selfishness, or regret has gripped your heart, your story isn’t over. God offers freedom, but it starts with humility.

 

Are You a Harsh Spouse? How to Recognize & Change

Harshness is sneaky. Many of us don’t even recognize when it’s become part of our communication. Rhonda described it as trying to control or hurt with your words to get your way — whether out of fear, frustration, or habit.

Here are some signs of harshness in marriage:

• You regularly raise your voice or speak with a biting tone.

• Your family feels like they have to walk on eggshells around you.

• You replay your spouse’s flaws in your mind more than their strengths.

• You assume negative motives for your spouse’s actions.

If that’s you — take heart! You can change. It starts with repentance, inviting God’s Spirit to wash over you, and intentionally building new habits.

Building a No-Regrets Marriage: Practical Next Steps

Rhonda didn’t just leave us with conviction — she gave such hopeful steps forward:

1. Get in the Word Daily
   God’s Word renews your mind. Listen to scripture, write it out, feast on His promises like daily bread.

2. Find Godly Community
   You need women around you who love Jesus and will speak truth in love — especially older, wise women. (#OldLadiesKnowStuff — I love that!)

3. Choose to Believe the Best
   Make it a practice to assume good about your spouse. Remember how you did that when you were dating? Let’s bring that mindset back!

4. Apologize & Repair
   If your harshness has caused damage — humbly ask for forgiveness. Your vulnerability can open doors for healing, even if it takes time.

5. Cling to God’s Love First
   Your happiness isn’t dependent on your husband’s actions — it’s rooted in how deeply you believe God’s love for you.

 

The Legacy You Build Starts Today

I adored Rhonda’s reminder that the home we build today — with love, forgiveness, humility — shapes our children’s future marriages and their walk with God.

You don’t want to look back with regret because of harshness or pride.

But even if that’s part of your story, God’s grace offers a reset, starting today.

We are rooting for you! May God’s kind heart move your own heart to kindness today.

God bless you!

 

With love,

 

The Delight Your Marriage Team

 

PS – If you’d like to check out more of Rhonda’s resources (She’s great, isn’t she?!), podcast, and books, please visit her website: https://www.rhondastoppe.com/

 

PPS – If the thought of being ‘the harsh spouse’ made you tense up in defense (“That isn’t me! Besides, I wouldn’t be harsh if x, y, z…”) or made you tear up knowing that it’s true, we invite you to a book a free Clarity Call. Kindness, patience, gentleness, and love CAN be the first response. Your marriage does not have to be filled with criticism and harshness. Your home can be light and joyful. Let us help you. We’d love to chat: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

 

PPPS – Here is a quote from a recent graduate:
“Although on the surface, I would persuade myself I was ok, and that I was doing a good job as a husband, I knew deep down that something was wrong. My wife, though kindly and friendly (she is a lovely soul, who genuinely looks after my best interests), seemed apathetic to me at times, or unnecessarily critical…Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we’ve started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she’s begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open.”

Transcript:

Belah Rose (00:20)
Hi there and welcome. This is Delight Your Marriage and I’m Bella Rose, author, trainer, coach, and I am thrilled about today’s episode. Rhonda talks about ⁓ so many important elements of a wife towards a husband. So she’s this incredible author, but also a mom and a wife. And she talks about harshness and repentance and just recognizing

We don’t necessarily see the sin that we do frequently to our spouse and just this beautiful humility. So if I were to summarize my experience throughout, and you’ll hear me tear up several times as we’re talking, because it’s so powerful. She’s such a woman of God, and I just want to be like her, and I just love her. So I hope that you listen ⁓ with that kind of…

heart as well, what does God want you to hear through this? Because she’s just such a woman of the word and she’s lived it out. It’s profound and beautiful. So I look forward to you being blessed by her as well. Let’s get into it.

Belah Rose (01:45)
All right. Well, delight your marriage listener. I am thrilled that you’re joining and I’m thrilled to introduce you to Rhonda Stoppe. Welcome, Rhonda. Thanks for being here. Yes. So… ⁓

Rhonda Stoppe (01:55)
Thanks for having me.

Belah Rose (01:59)
For those of you that are new to Delight Your Marriage, we talk about intimacy, we talk about marriage, and Rhonda’s here to give us some insight specifically on biblical living. And I love the topic of the no regrets woman. That is such an amazing topic. So before we kind of dive into that, would you be willing to introduce yourself Rhonda to our listeners?

Rhonda Stoppe (02:20)
Sure, I’m Rhonda Stoppe. I am the author of, think, seven books. My new one is coming out in April, 2026. And I think I can tell the title of it now. It’s through Harvest House Publishers. It’s called, I love the title of it. Let me think of it. Moms of the Bible, The Fearless, The Flawed, and The Faithful. And it is probably my most favorite book I’ve written. I can’t even tell you how excited I am about this book.

Stay tuned for that one, it’ll be out soon. I already saw they put the book cover on Amazon. So I figure if they put the book cover on Amazon, I can tell the title. They never officially told me I could, so y’all get to hear it first.

Belah Rose (02:58)
hahahaha

Yay, that’s so cool. What are

some of the titles of your other books?

Rhonda Stoppe (03:07)
Okay, so moms raising sons to be men is ⁓ guiding them toward their purpose and passion. That’s my best seller. That one is the one that when I speak on that topic, standing room only, moms are crying. It’s like their sweet little boy that starts pushing them away when they’re adolescents or that little baby boy that they’re like, you’re never gonna grow up and leave me. And it’s like, they are. They totally are. But they come back and that’s the fun part.

Belah Rose (03:30)
Don’t tell me that. Rhonda, I didn’t hear that.

Rhonda Stoppe (03:36)
I was telling you before we started recording, I have 15 grandchildren. I have two sons and two daughters and they’re just the delight of my life. They’re all happily married to wonderful, godly spouses and they’re leading their families well. And it’s just the best gift you give yourself, your younger self that you don’t even know you’re giving yourself. I’m gonna cry as you pour into your babies how to love.

their siblings with Christ’s love, how to forgive, how to cover with kindness, how to believe the best about each other. That resonates in the way they treat each other, but it also spills over into their marriages one day. But you don’t know in the middle of it when the kids are fighting and you’re saying, knock it off, stop it, I told you, cut it out. You have to stop and know that your home is a laboratory of learning and you’re training.

them for their own marriages and for the way they’ll treat their spouses. yes, definitely one of my favorite books. I have some others out. Let’s see. Real Life Romance. I love Real Life Romance. It’s a collection of wonderful love stories that help you rekindle romance in your own marriage. It celebrates God’s providence in these love stories. And each one stands alone. It’s kind of like Chicken Soup for the Soul. But each love story stands alone. it’s just, I love that book. And then I have… ⁓

The Marriage Mentor, my husband and I, Steve wrote that together. It is called The Marriage Mentor, Becoming the Couple You Long to Be. And then my newest came out in audiobook, If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy, and Other Myths Wives Believe. So this is my latest. If you get the audiobook, you’ll hear my voice in your head as you go through the pages. And I’m sorry, I’m a little allergies today, so I’ll keep drinking my tea.

Belah Rose (05:04)
Wow.

Yes.

⁓

There it is, there it is. Rhonda, this is just wonderful. I love that. And yes, ⁓ that first book about boys becoming men, that is so powerful. It’s interesting, I’ve got little boys. so there’s, ⁓ yeah, what you just said, your home is a laboratory of learning is incredibly powerful. And I would love to focus in on this idea of regret. And I’m interested because,

You and I are both teachers and we, you know, God gave different insights through the Bible and through different things and then we share it with others. But I think there’s a challenge there because in being a grower and a learner and a, you know, wanting wisdom, wisdom, wisdom, but then when you, it’s so easy to look back and say, my gosh, how did I do that wrong for so long? I’m curious if you have any thoughts on that cycle.

Rhonda Stoppe (06:19)
Well, I’m the No Regrets woman. That’s my trademark. My website is NoRegretswoman.com because I help you build a no regrets life and I help you break free from regrets that hold you back. Because all of us can look back at those regretful ways that we responded to our spouse, the regretful things that we have done in our past, ⁓ those things that Satan wants to whisper in our ear like God can’t use you because remember you did that thing and he tries to keep us stuck. But regret is

is Satan’s scheme to keep us from becoming the woman, the person that God is calling us to be. So first and foremost, it’s breaking free from those regrets. And some of them are past regrets. Some of them are regrets about the way we were treated as a child, regretfully treated by our parents. Maybe you have a father wound, he wasn’t there for you, or maybe you had a mom that was harsh and you’re just trying to not be that same mom to your kids.

Any of those regrets that we hold onto ⁓ will be the focus of our life. And that’s not what God calls us to do. He calls us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. And I love what Paul says in Philippians. I have almost the whole book of Philippians memorized. And Paul says, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press toward the mark of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. What did Paul have to forget? Well, let’s stop for a minute. When he was Saul,

He stood and held the cloaks and cheered on the men who threw stones at Stephen, the young man with a face like an angel who had just preached a beautiful message about the Messiah. He cheered them on and said, throw those rocks, kill that boy. Do you don’t think those thoughts would haunt him when Satan wanted to make him feel like he wasn’t the guy that God could use? He.

dragged dads away from their families to be arrested for being believers, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. Fixing our eyes on Jesus is the key, it’s the answer. So whether it’s a divorce that you had in the past, a broken marriage that you had in the past, and maybe you look at it now and go, wow, I did contribute to that, or maybe you’re so regretful over the way you were treated in a previous relationship or even in one that you’re in now, we can get so stuck in that that

We cannot be the person of joy that God wants us to be. And Nehemiah 8.10 says, the joy of the Lord is your strength. So when they were building a wall and the ⁓ enemies were coming at them and they’re trying to rebuild the wall in Israel, they had a trowel in one hand and a sword in the other. The trowel is they were building that wall and the sword is they were fighting off the onslaught of the enemies. And that’s us.

when we’re building our home, we have a trowel in one hand building our home, building our life together with our family, and we have the sword of the word in our other hand, fighting off the onslaught of the enemy. And Jesus said, if you build your house on a rock, when the storms come and they will come, you’re not gonna fall apart. If you build it on the sand, it’s super nice, super nice to build a little hut on the beach right by the ocean. So romantic until the storms come and then everything comes crumbling.

So Jesus said, build it on the rock. And that to me, you the Bible says if you sow the wind, will reap the whirlwind. So we wanna sow on the solid ground of our savior Jesus Christ and break free from those regrets that hold us back because he is the only one that can take what was meant for evil and use it for good.

Belah Rose (10:01)
that is so powerful. Okay, so holding the sword and holding the trowel, so building your home while defending against the enemy’s attacks. So when real life happens and somebody is just going along their daily life and all of a sudden this attack from the enemy, this thought, and I would say more frequently than not, you don’t see a negative thought as, ⁓ the enemy is just

coming in my mind, that that’s not necessarily your first thought. And maybe it’s not always. What do you think about that?

Rhonda Stoppe (10:39)
I think that Satan doesn’t have to mess with most of us because our flesh is enough to mess us up, right? It’s like our thoughts, taking our thought captive to the obedience of Christ, really realizing where that thought is coming from. Is it from a deep wound that you’re holding onto that you need to repent of? And I know we don’t talk as much about repentance as I think we should in the church, but godliness, it comes as a result of being willing to say, search me, oh God, know my heart.

Try me, know my anxious thoughts. See if there’s any wicked way in me. Lead me in the way everlasting. And so let’s talk about marriage. If my husband comes in and he didn’t take the garbage out before the garbage truck came that day. So I had to schlep it out in the morning and I was in my bathrobe and the neighbors saw me and the lawn hasn’t been mowed. And he said he was gonna take care of this and he didn’t take care of that. And you’re at home and you’ve got all the record of all the things that he should have done.

and you’re gonna help him be good at his job, at being the dad and the husband that he needs to be, and he walks in the door and you blast him, right? I did this, I had the arguments completely played out in my head before the poor guy walked in the door, you always, never, this, this, this, and they’re like, hey baby, I’m home, and you’re like, dude, I couldn’t wait for you to get home to tell you everything that you’ve done wrong. And you know, no wonder they just grab the remote and go watch sports or go in the.

garage and watch NASCAR until the kids are all in bed and mom settled down or whatever. ⁓ So those thoughts, Satan doesn’t have to put those thoughts in my mind. I can do it very well myself because what am I doing? I’m thinking, I’m preferring myself above someone else. And it doesn’t mean you don’t ask, hey babe, I had to take the garbage out this morning before I took the kids to school and it was, know, blah, blah, blah. Can we somehow, how can I help you remember that? Whatever. And the Bible says that, you know,

We’re supposed to believe the best about others. 2 Corinthians 13, seven, says, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Believing the best about someone is not assigning wrong motives to their actions. You didn’t do that because you don’t care how hard I work. You didn’t do that because you think you’re so much, your schedule is so much more important than ours. That’s what we play over in our minds. And that’s where Satan gets a foothold in our marriages.

Because when we run with those thoughts, when we think, you know, ⁓ I’m better than my spouse because I would never do X, Y, Z. And we don’t say out loud, I’m better than you. But we make sure they know that we know they’re better than them because we’ve got it, you know, we’re handling it and they’re not. And let’s be honest, when I want to spend time with people, I spend time with people that I know believe the best about me.

You know, when I’m, mean, I’m a pastor’s wife, actually, Steve just retired this last week. So 25 years in seeing the pastor, just retired. Yeah. So I don’t know who I am anymore, but that’s who I was. Actually, if you’re a pastor’s wife, I have an ebook out called I sleep with the pastor. It’s a 52 week devotional for pastor’s wives. You can find it on Amazon or my website, but.

Belah Rose (13:33)
Wow.

You are

so funny, Rhonda. That is so funny. That’s so funny. Wow, okay.

Rhonda Stoppe (13:54)
But you

wanna spend time with people who believe the best about you. So even as a pastor’s wife, there are people in the church that I spend time with and I minister to, and then there are people in the church that I know, they believe the best about me. If I forget their birthday, they’re not gonna say, if you really cared about me, you would have remembered my birthday. Or if you really liked me, you would have stopped and talked to me as you passed me in the hall at church. That when I believe the best about them,

Belah Rose (13:58)
Yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe (14:20)
then I want them to believe the best about me. But what happens in our marriages often is we don’t believe the best about our spouse. Whether it’s a husband who’s on his way home, I know she’s gonna be, you I know what she’s gonna say, I know, I know, I know. Or a wife, like, you know, I can’t wait to pounce on him. We’re not believing the best about each other. And that’s, the Bible clearly says in the love chapter, love bears all things, believes all things. That means believes the best about the other person. So that’s where the battle.

Belah Rose (14:45)
No.

Rhonda Stoppe (14:50)
is one and lost. fact, falling in love is all in your mind. When you fell in love with someone, you fell in love with all the good stuff, right? You thought about all the good stuff and anything that you didn’t like, you thought, I’m gonna change him, which that doesn’t work. But after you get married, there’s a mental shift oftentimes where we stop focusing on the good and we focus on

Belah Rose (15:06)
No, ma’am.

Rhonda Stoppe (15:18)
what we want them to change, what we want them. And that’s why my book, If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy, and other myths wise believe, because my husband and I have done marriage counseling for years with couples, and when the wife can get her husband into the office, she’s secretly thinking, good, finally we’re gonna change him and then we can be happy. And the bottom line and the key to understanding your happiness, your love story, happily ever after love story.

Belah Rose (15:25)
Mmm.

Rhonda Stoppe (15:47)
It’s not the princess Cinderella, prince charming sweeping you off your feet so that you’ll be happy forever. That’s a lie. That’s a cultural lie that we have been conditioned since childhood that it’s the prince’s job to make me happy. And I remember as a young wife having a realization that I was putting my hope for happiness in how well I was loved by my husband. But the Bible says that yes, God did create us to long to find our joy and our happiness and our worth in how well we are loved.

but it’s not from another person. It’s from our creator. Yeah, he created us to say, I love you so much. In fact, God commended his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, he sent his son Jesus to die for us. Look how much I love you. when we stop and decide we’re gonna ponder God’s love for us, and how do we do that? By being washed with the water of the word.

Knowing him through the pages of scripture and then Jesus said the priority of life is to love God with all your heart soul mind and strength Your heart is your emotions your soul That’s what makes you who you are your mind is your thoughts and your strength is with what you do We just jump right in go I’m gonna love God with what I do and God’s like fall in love with me with your heart Go ahead. Sorry

Belah Rose (17:06)
No, these are so many good things. I feel like I need to digest them before we keep rolling. This is so good. I love that you said we are meant to get our happiness from being loved. That is true, just not by our spouse. It is being loved by our creator God who loves us and actually can make us happy. And we actually can get sustenance and contentment through. And you said, by being washed by the word. ⁓

There was a couple other things I just want to say before we move on. You said, I enjoy spending time with people that believe the best about me. And to your point, so often we believe the worst about our spouse and then we wonder why they don’t want to spend time with us and why they’re spending more time at work or as you said, on the couch or in the garage or what have you. But if we do believe the best about them, if we do see the good in them like we did when we were dating, then

All of sudden, that’s pretty fun to be around. ⁓ Yeah, this is really good. I think also preferring myself over someone else is when we get this all in our head. ⁓ So these are really good. Okay, so you said, I wanna kind of tie this of, when that jolt of, because here’s what I notice.

I noticed that there are some people who just love, love, love to grow and they go after it and they’re just like, Lord, you just show me, teach me. What’s the next thing? What’s the next thing? And there are some people that vehemently are opposed to it. And I think it has to do with all of the shame and embarrassment and guilt and regret they feel about having not known whatever they learn because it’s just going to wash into that. Because they don’t have almost like a category to put the past stuff that they didn’t know currently. So can you help us with that?

Rhonda Stoppe (18:59)
Yes, first of all, wherever you are is where you are. It is where the Lord has you. And he brings us through difficult times. I gotta be honest, I’m going through a difficult season right now ⁓ and I can’t share the details of it, but my heart is breaking over the actions of someone, not someone in my family, but someone who I have cared deeply over. And when this person was approached about a sin,

Belah Rose (19:03)
Well.

Rhonda Stoppe (19:28)
that kind of became exposed rather than them being broken and contrite. They responded in a way of blame and it’s just, it’s hard to watch. you think of Saul and Samuel went to Saul and said, what did you do when he made a sacrifice and he was supposed to wait for Samuel? And he said, well, you, where were you? You were late. I was waiting. You didn’t show up. And then,

The people, were, what was I gonna do? I had to do this, it’s not my fault. And God took his kingdom away. David, who had sex with a woman that wasn’t his wife, who murdered her husband, and then lied about it for about a year, pretending to be a godly king. And when Nathan finally approached David and said, David, you are the man, David wept, David broke. He was contrite.

He said, sacrifices and offerings you don’t want. You want a broken and a contrite heart. And he said, against you, God, and you only have I sinned. Doesn’t matter that that person was harsh, that person was abusive, that person, it’s all the things that God sees. He saw Hagar, how she was treated, he sees. But I can’t do anything about their sin.

but my sin is ever before me and I can respond either by blaming everyone else for doing me wrong or I can be like David and say, I am the man and I want repentance. And then he goes on to say, and then I will teach sinners your way. And then he has all this list of what he’s gonna do. I got goosebumps. All the things, it’s like a hundred and something outside today. I’m like goosebumps. He’s got like this passion for Christ again, this passion for God. I’m gonna.

Belah Rose (21:19)
Yeah.

Rhonda Stoppe (21:25)
I’m gonna do all the things that I haven’t been doing while I’ve been hiding this in. I’m gonna live for you in a new and fresh way and I’m gonna be used by you to teach other people about you. Well, if you’re married and if you’re a mom, you have been called to train others about our God. And so what’s at stake if you hold on to those regrets, those hurts, those pain, and I’m not saying it’s not hurtful. I’m saying you take those every time it comes to your mind, you take it back to the Lord.

And you say, know you know. I know you see. And just like Joseph, who said to his brothers, what you meant for evil, God used for good. I don’t know how this refiner’s fire is going to refine me, dear Lord, but I know that you’re good. And I know that in the end, it’s going to make me the person you can trust with the next thing that you want to do in and through my obedient, humble life.

Belah Rose (22:20)
Hmm, that’s so beautiful. So essentially, when we feel that resistance, I mean, I don’t want to put words in your mouth, I would, I mean, is it not pride? That’s like, I don’t, I want to blame, I want to have a self-righteous perspective. I don’t want my self-conception to crumble because I’m this bad person who did these bad things.

And so I can’t stand that. can’t handle it. So I have to point the finger. I have to avoid. I have to ignore it. I have to distract myself away from these things. But if we can realize, wait a second, God, you actually know everything already. Like you actually already know. And to your point earlier, like you actually love me already. You just want that humble heart, that humility, contrite spirit to say, I felt this out. Help me.

Rhonda Stoppe (23:10)
Wow, here’s James 4, 1 through 2 offers this insight. What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Consider that in the context of marriage. Is it not this that your passions are at war within you? You desire and you do not have, so you murder, maybe with your words, maybe with your thoughts. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and you quarrel. And here’s a quote from If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy. James says that ultimately selfish desires are the cause of quarrels.

And because one or both people in conflict are focused on what they wrongly believe they must have to be happy, they will fight to the death to get what they want. And for some, this means the death of their marriage. Do you feel so strongly about getting your way that you will fight for it no matter the damage it does to your marriage and your family?

Belah Rose (24:04)
Yeah, it’s powerful. Yeah, so often we really don’t take a step back to find out like, what are we actually fighting? And what’s the damage that’s being done? ⁓ You said something, go ahead, sorry. And what’s really the issue? I love that you brought up the word harsh a couple of times. Can you speak a little bit to that harshness?

Rhonda Stoppe (24:14)
Yeah. And what’s really the issue.

Who I can?

Man, I’ve counseled with so many women. We’ve been in ministry for so many years. And there are women, and I’m sure there are men, who are married to a harsh spouse. Just harsh. Just words that cut, that get the upper hand because they know if they can cut to your heart, you’ll shut up. Or you’ll do what they want you to do. Or you’ll give in to what they want to do. And I know…

the pain that that is. remember there was a season in my life, I had postpartum after my third child, and then I had PMS, and I had a hormonal imbalance that affected our marriage. In fact, I wrote an article for Focus on the Family, and I think it’s called When Hormonal Imbalances Affect Your Marriage. And I remember one day, my poor husband, his parents, we live on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, and he had to move his parents onto our property, because his mom had Alzheimer’s, and his dad had to take care of her, so he had to quit his job, so we built a house on the land for him.

But it ended up landing on me to have her baby sat at my house when his dad wanted to go to town or whatever. And I had small children and I had hormonal imbalances. And it was a rough season. And I remember he walked in one day and I’m like, you the whole you always and you never and you go to work every day and I’m here and na na na na na. And I was cutting with my tongue. I wanted him to feel what I was feeling. And I watched him standing in front. I can still see his face so clearly. This was 40 years ago.

And we’d been married for 43, almost 44 years. And I could see his face and he said, after I was done with my rant, he said, Rhonda, what do you want me to do? I will fix this, but how? And I realized he couldn’t fix this. This was just a hard season. He was grieving that his mom didn’t even remember his name. He was grieving the loss of his mom and dad’s beautiful marriage that they had.

Now his dad was just a caregiver for a woman who didn’t even remember who he was. And I was upset that it was imposing on my world that my workload got harder. And I realized the harshness and the pain I was causing a man who was already grieving and already in pain. And before the Lord, I said, I’m never going to do that to him again. I’m not going to be that person to him again. And I have to tell you, I’m sure there’s been times that I have messed up.

But for the most part, the Lord has helped me keep that promise. And it doesn’t mean I don’t go to him in tears and say, hey, I’m feeling this or I’m feeling that. But those conversations, let’s come to a resolution how we can solve this. And we did. We asked his dad to hire a woman that lived up near us to watch his mom so he could go to town on some of the days so that I didn’t have to have the whole burden of it. But we had to get to a place where we were hearing each other’s heart and not just harshness. So back to harshness.

⁓ One woman. Okay. ⁓

Belah Rose (27:27)
Can we define it for a second before we go

into it from there? I work with a lot of people who can’t, and I think it’s maybe, I would love for people to have almost like a better sense of what in the world it even is, because I think some of us don’t, we can’t see ourselves, so it’s hard to even notice when that happens and what it is.

Rhonda Stoppe (27:48)
That’s a good point. ⁓ Harshness, think, is trying to get your point across in an aggressive way that will hurt if it needs to hurt to get your will accomplished. And sometimes harshness is out of fear of what might happen if your husband makes a bad investment or doesn’t measure up at work or doesn’t hold the line. So you’re trying to help him and

Sometimes it’s just hormonal, I’m irritated, everybody bugs me, it’s everyone else’s fault. And let me just say, if you’re a wife or a husband who your family is walking on eggshells around you so that you don’t trigger, you need to fix that. That is not how a family should live. And it’s not okay. It’s not right. And honestly, like you said, you have to step back and say, am I?

Am I a person my family’s afraid of? And some people want that because they think if they’re afraid of me, they have their respect and they’ll do what I want. But you know, God doesn’t get us to follow him out of a fear of his harshness. He calls us to a healthy fear and respect and love for him, but God is not harsh. God is not, he is not hurtful. If he corrects us, it’s in love. So having a harsh,

person in your home creates an environment where nobody wants to be there. Nobody wants to be around the harsh person because they’re afraid they’re going to trigger. So what happens? The kids go in their room and watch YouTube on their on their computer until it’s bedtime. The spouse that is harsh is clanging pots and pans around the kitchen because nobody will help me and everybody scatters, right? And again, you’re sowing the wind and you’re going to reap the whirlwind.

My family, there’s nothing that I adore more than my children and their spouses and my grandchildren. And when we can have them all at our home and they’ll stay here for four or five days during a holiday, all of them. So we’ve got 15 grandkids and what is that? kids and spouses, Steve and I, all in our house under the same roof. Laughter and joy and not anyone triggering, not anyone’s feelings and you know.

The parents are on board with when the kids don’t get along, they help, you know, believe the best. My daughter, I’ve heard her say to, are you preferring yourself over your cousin? Maybe you need to let her choose the movie, you know, just having those conversations. But that doesn’t happen on without the training that when they’re in your home. So, so again, I’m back to that, but it’s because I’m the age that I am at hashtag old ladies know stuff, which is the name of my podcast, old ladies know stuff because tightest.

Belah Rose (30:42)
Amen.

Rhonda Stoppe (30:42)
the older women to teach the younger how to love their husbands, which means be a friend to their husband and how to love their children. So for however many years God, I just turned 64 years old. I told my husband I’m going to sing that Beatles song to him the whole year when I’m 64. But I don’t know how many years I have left to do what I get to do. I don’t know how many years I’m going to have my mind, but there’s an urgency. It’s kind of fun when you’re old. There’s an urgency to finish well. There’s an urgency to pass the baton to the next generation to say,

You don’t want to regret what you’re sowing in your home as a young family because you will reap the whirlwind later when your kids don’t want to bring your grandkids to your house because grandma’s going to trigger if you spill the sugar bowl or you know, and it has to begin. It has to begin with us. So back to harshness. One story of a woman whose husband was incredibly harsh and wow.

I can literally remember telling my husband, I’m not sure I would stay. And it wasn’t abuse. I’m not talking about abuse. If you’re in an abusive relationship, I’m not talking about staying under abuse. But I also know that there are women who want to call something abuse because it’s uncomfortable or they don’t like it and they want to get out. So they’ll say it’s abuse. So get outside help from a godly counselor, a biblical counselor. But this woman would call me and say, will you just pray? Because this, this

This father was very, very harsh to the children over safety, trying to keep them safe, basically. And ⁓ we would pray. And I remember one day she said, ⁓ I don’t know what God’s done in my heart, but he’s just given me a deep love for my husband. I’ve asked him to help me love my husband, and he has. And we just began praying for God to change her husband.

And over ⁓ many years time, God created a circumstance in this husband’s life, I’m not gonna define that circumstance, that caused him to not be as harsh. And never did this man go back to his children or his wife and say, I’m sorry, but do you know, because those children watched their mom forgive and cover with love.

Those children have grown up and married godly spouses and are raising their children in the nurturing admonition of the Lord and they come home. And they, what this woman had said was, I know children that are raised in wonderful, precious, godly homes with wonderful parents and some of those kids grow up and rebel against their upbringing. And she said, if God needed to take Joseph in the Bible from his safe, favored home from his dad who gave him the coat of many colors,

Belah Rose (33:28)
and

Rhonda Stoppe (33:34)
if God had to take him out of the security of that home and put him in a harsh environment as a slave and then in prison to mold in him what God needed him to become so that he could entrust him to be second in command in Egypt in God’s timing. It was a 17 year time of him living under that harshness. But she said if that’s what God used to bring this ⁓ in Joseph’s life,

Belah Rose (33:34)
Mm.

Rhonda Stoppe (33:59)
If that’s what God needed to do to show my children to validate my faith before my children, and they grew up to follow Christ passionately, and this is it, she said, I would live through it all again.

in a culture where we just want to always make sure we’re healthy, wealthy, and prosperous, that doesn’t resonate. But her testimony was validated to her children by choosing to forgive, choosing to cover with love, choosing to get good, godly counsel, she did. She pressed into her church family, into her women’s Bible studies, into her relationships with godly, godly relationships. But she saw the value of her suffering because it was visited on her children and now on her children’s children.

Belah Rose (34:46)
Yeah, yeah, that is really powerful. I keep tearing up as you’re talking. It’s really beautiful. There’s so many aspects. I’m just like, this is so powerful and hopeful, yet really hard to look at. And I kind of want to go back to some of these elements of, know, what if you look in the mirror and you realize that you yourself have been harsh? You’ve been harsh to your family, you’ve been harsh to your husband.

Rhonda Stoppe (34:51)
Me too! Me too!

Belah Rose (35:13)
You’ve been harsh to those that you love, that maybe you’re a grandmother and your kids don’t want to visit you. mean, how do you… Where you are is where you are. I think that’s a beautiful place to start. And as we talked about earlier, is it an attack from the enemy? One that you need to say, you know, get behind me, Satan! ⁓ Or is it a conviction from the Holy Spirit and one that we need to lean into and press into and gain…

forgiveness of and into this, know, maybe do what this man didn’t have the strength to do is go back and apologize to those that deserve that apology. So I would love your help in teasing that out.

Rhonda Stoppe (35:51)
Sure. If you’re a believer, the word of God will give you, it’s the path, right? It will direct your path. So you have to be a woman or a man of the word, because that is what is quick and powerful and sharper than a two-edged sword. That is what will pierce, asunder your thoughts, intents of your own heart. That’s what will reveal to you what God wants to transform in you, what he wants you to let go of, what he wants you to repent of, what he wants you…

to be healed of when we are diligent to spend time in God’s Word. And I read through the Bible every year and that has just, it started in 2008. I wasn’t doing it. And I was like, you know what? I’m gonna just start doing that. And now what I even start doing is I wake up in the morning and I listen to it on my phone, especially when you’re going through lamentations and all those, but.

But when I’m feeling like I need to get a reset in my mind, I listen to on my phone the Psalms. You just press play and it will play a Psalm for you. Psalm 13 is a Psalm of lament. When we come to a place of something’s in our life that’s wounded our hearts or we’re realizing something we need to let go of, ⁓ and then writing scripture. Sometimes I just will write out Psalm 119 and pray each stanza back to the Lord using your whole

Body into and taking in the word of God, right writing it you’re thinking you’re using your eye gate your ear gate when you’re listening It’s it’s just becoming I mean if Jesus said man shall not live by bread alone But by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God, I don’t know about you, but I love bread I crave bread and my husband was doing Weight Watchers and I was helping him so we were doing man when you go to a restaurant and they have some really yummy warm bread It’s like I’m eating that bread because I know how good it is and Jesus is giving us that word picture

because God always speaks to us in those word pictures that resonate with us. It’s like, the more you feast on the word of God, the more your soul will crave the word of God, and the more you will see that regretful situation or thought, is this from the Lord, or is this Satan trying to just guilt me? mean, let’s just talk about abortion. I just spoke at an abortion ⁓ clinic, not abortion clinic, I can’t remember the name of it, you know, like a place where they,

take in women that are considering abortion. And I spoke at their fundraiser and really just talking about how the regret from that, Satan just keeps women stuck and it’s their secret. No one knows, no one can ever know if anyone found out. My husband doesn’t even know. So Satan loves secrets. He loves to torture us with our secrets. So having a place to come before the Lord and saying, Lord, this was a sin against you if you’ve never done that.

This was a sin against you, but thank you that you have washed all sins as far as east is from the west and you remember them no more. And though my sin is a scarlet, you wash it whiter than snow. And I’m gonna believe that you have forgiven me. I am going to believe the truth that scripture says that there is no sin when I am in Christ that you will not wash whiter than snow. And then if your mental health just can’t get past that,

find an online biblical counselor. I love ACBC, it’s the Association of Christian Biblical Counselors. You can do it virtually while your kids are taking a nap. You can jump on a Zoom call with a counselor. And sometimes just having someone on the outside of your life speak truth into your life from a biblical’s perspective. I strongly recommend getting a biblical counselor. But when we get to that place of.

believing God has forgiven us, then we don’t let Satan lie to us and hold that over our heads.

Belah Rose (39:43)
Yes, yes, yes, yes. I think that’s wonderful. Would you be willing to, we’ll probably go into just a couple things before we wrap, but before we do that, would you be willing to pray and let the person on the other line maybe follow your prayer, ⁓ a prayer of repentance of what might be coming up as regret or guilt and give them the opportunity to repent with you? Would that be okay?

Rhonda Stoppe (40:10)
Yeah,

sure, sure. Let’s do that. Holy Father, you are a good and loving daddy. Jesus said we can call you Abba, daddy. Let that just sit with us for a minute. For those of us that had a dad that wasn’t wonderful, Lord, help them to know that’s not who you are. For those of us that have lived under harsh parents, help them to know that’s not who you are.

For that woman who is pondering a regret, a sin that she has been hiding for years, God, help her to believe. You are ready to wash it away. You’ve forgiven her. If she has given her heart to Jesus and repented of her sins as you as Christ her Lord and Savior, Father, then you already see her as righteous. Father, I pray you would just help this woman to pray this prayer. Dear Lord.

Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you, Father, that I don’t have to live with this regret for the rest of my life. Thank you for showing me how I can get free of it. Father, I leave it at your feet. I pray, Father, that I would just remember that you promise to wash me whiter than snow. And I pray, Father, that when Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy my peace,

and my joy that you, Father, would by your Holy Spirit remind me that that is not truth because greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world. And I pray, Father, that you would just once and for all help me to leave that sin at the foot of the cross, leave that hurt, that wound, that offense at the foot of the cross and to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. And I pray, Father, that you would help me run the race that you have set before me.

that I would be unshackled by any regrets so that I can run with endurance that race in Jesus’ name.

Amen.

Belah Rose (42:19)
You have just got me crying so much today. Praise the Lord, yeah. That is so powerful. Amen, amen. ⁓ Yes, please.

Rhonda Stoppe (42:28)
Can I just share something?

So my parents were teenagers when they got married. My mom was 17 when she had me, I was her second child. And they were married for 35 years, I think. My dad came to Christ when I was four years old and it literally changed the trajectory of our family. It was an incredible life change that I remember. I can clearly see the change in our family. My mom did not, she started going to church with my family but she did not come to Christ.

Belah Rose (42:34)
Mm.

Rhonda Stoppe (42:58)
And it was a difficult ⁓ marriage and it was the silent treatment. There wasn’t a lot of arguing. There was just a lot of silent treatment that happened. And after all the kids grew up, textbook, my parents got a divorce, which was not a surprise, but it still, man, did it break our hearts. Years later, my dad came to me and said, I need to apologize to you for leaving your mom. I never should have left your mom. And I was like,

I forgave it a long time ago, but it was his humility and his sweet spirit and humble understanding what that one thing did to our family that was just the most precious gift to me that my dad was willing to do that. I adore my dad, I always have. And it was just this new closeness because of his vulnerability.

And he’s still alive. He’s 83 years old. And I got to tell you, he is the best human on the planet. He lives in the town where 13 of my grandkids live. And he’s their great grandpa. My brother’s kids live there. And he’s got their three great grandkids. And the church family all calls him Papa. He is like the most loving, kind, generous, precious, precious man. And I believe a big part of his joy.

is because he didn’t get stuck. He let God do the work and then he entered back into our lives to say, hey, I wanna talk to you about this. And I know that’s hard. So if you were a harsh mother, if you were a harsh ⁓ wife, husband, father, and you know that’s why your kids don’t wanna come around or that’s why your grandkids don’t wanna come around, I speak for ⁓ the Legacy Coalition Grandparenting.

They had a summit last year. was their master of ceremonies. was one of the funnest things I’ve ever done to be an MC for a bunch of grandparents. And it was like all over the world, these grandparents are tuning in and I’m like, yeah. ⁓ But I met so many of them that are estranged from their children and grandchildren and they won’t even, the parents won’t even let their grandchildren be with them. And it’s the hardest pain to look back and know it might be because of some childhood pain that I caused my child. So yeah.

It comes to a place of offering humble repentance before the Lord and then humbly asking your child to forgive knowing they may not. And that’s on them and that’s between them and the Lord. And knowing that if they’ve had a lifetime of pain and resentment toward you because of, you know, real things, you can’t just say, apologize, they won’t forgive me. Then now they’re the bad person. A lifetime of childhood pain takes a lifetime.

of working through it. And can I just tell one more story because it’s so beautiful. My dad’s father was a harsh abusive alcoholic and there were five children in the family and all the kids grew up, didn’t want anything to do with dad. And after my dad came to Christ, not many years later, his dad came to Christ and his dad called my dad and said, will you forgive me? And my dad said, I can’t. And then my dad was working with a Christian man.

And my dad told this Christian man about his father calling and saying this. And this Christian man told my dad, God wants you to forgive your father. And my dad was hoping for this man to validate his resentment. So finally that resonated, resonated, resonated. And finally my dad told the story. And I just heard this story maybe 10 years ago. He said he called his father on the phone and he said, I was going to tell my dad, I forgive you. And instead my dad started to cry and he told his father, please forgive me for not forgiving you.

and they both wept and they both were able to heal that relationship. And my grandpa came back into our life and the only man I ever knew was this godly man who loved Jesus and loved us. And what a healing because he had the humility to come to my dad and ask forgiveness. And then my dad had the humility to say, yes, I will forgive you. Forgiving people raise forgiving people. And when you see it lived out in your parents,

that one day that’s going to resonate with you because one day you’re if you’re raising your kids and they’re seeing you living with forgiving others you’re going to need to be forgiven one day there’s going to be something your kids are going to have to forgive you and if they have seen it lived out it’s a natural part of our relationships with people we love is we choose to forget we choose to not hold and keep a record of wrong so ⁓ again there’s your sewing the wind don’t reap the whirlwind having the the reality in your life that

If Christ is in me, I can forgive and I can be forgiven.

Belah Rose (47:53)
So powerful. So, so, so powerful. Can you leave us with an insight, because we’ve talked a lot about harshness, which is beautiful. What ⁓ would be your next steps? If somebody, this is a pattern. I love the repentance that you walked us through. I encourage somebody listening to even just go back and go through that. If it’s harshness that you’re repenting of, if it’s an abortion, if it’s the way you’ve treated your spouse.

if it’s the way you left your spouse when you know you shouldn’t have, et cetera, the way forward. But just because we are talking about this harshness, do you have next steps that you would recommend somebody ⁓ to pursue if that’s their thing?

Rhonda Stoppe (48:36)
think that ⁓ it’s hard to go through something like this alone. I think finding a good, godly person, pastor’s wife, maybe a woman that you’re in a Bible study with. When I was a young wife and I was kind of nitpicky, and I knew I was following the same patterns of the women in my family, everybody’s divorced in my family. And I was like, I’m not gonna be like that. I’m gonna be the best friend he’s ever had and I’m gonna be his.

lover, he’s gonna have sex every day of the week till the day he dies and it’s gonna be awesome. And then when he’s like not measuring up to my expectations, I’m just picking, picking, picking. And I remember one day he came in and he said, I don’t understand what is wrong. And I was falling apart because he had made peanut butter toast on the counter in the kitchen and I was weeping over the crumbs. Because in my mind, it meant you don’t care what I do all day. I work full time, come home, take care of the house and you can’t wipe off the countertop.

But I knew I was literally falling into a pattern of what I had seen all the years I had grown up. And I knew I was in danger of perpetuating that pattern. And I knew I couldn’t stop it on my own. So Steve was in youth ministry at the time and I looked around at the marriages of some of our teens, the ones I wanted to emulate. And that’s my first point, is find some marriage you want to emulate. Find a wife or a husband you want to emulate.

And I just became friends with them. And I reached out to them because hashtag oldladiesknostuff. And I said, I need to know how to be a wife like you. And they’re hum, I’m not the best. you don’t even know. I had seasons, all the things. They were real. They were genuine. They’ve learned from their mistakes, which, you know, that to me is when I tell my stories of what I’ve done that I regret and I’ve learned from it, that gives hope to someone else. You don’t have to stay stuck there.

But these women, invited me to a woman’s Bible study. And I was like, I don’t want to go to another Bible study. I want to know how to be a better wife. And I got to tell you, I went to, was the book of Philippians, which is why I have almost the whole book memorized now because I live and breathe the book of Philippians. And these women invited me to the study. But while we were studying, it was a precept Bible study. We did five hours of homework a week to get through this. It was like no joke Bible study.

Belah Rose (50:51)
Wow.

Rhonda Stoppe (50:52)
I had little kids and I’m like, I can’t and my friend Gail’s like, you can try, it’s gonna change you. And you know what? Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good, acceptable and perfect will of God. As the word of God was washing over my mind, I was seeing life through the mind of Christ. And these women in those Bible studies were sharing their stories. They were sharing what they had learned, what they were convicted of, even at that season in their life.

And I grew as a woman of God, as a woman of faith, as a wife and a mother, because I made friends with old ladies, because old ladies know stuff. And I was the only young woman in their Bible study. Everyone else didn’t go. The 20-somethings want to have their hip cool Bible study. Awesome. But if you really, really want to learn, I can write a letter to my younger self. It doesn’t know when any good. But if I share it with you, now you can learn from my story. And that’s what you’ll get when you press in.

And then as you’re in a group, a Bible study with women that are sharing, the Holy Spirit will help you resonate with one or two of those women in a way that you’re like, I need you to be my friend and I need you to help me walk through this. Will you help me walk through? I have a hard time with harshness. I want prayer. I want encouragement. And my friend Gail just came to visit me. She just turned 83 years old and she’s like, I gotta come see you. And I’m like, yes, I haven’t seen her in a long time. They moved away. And it was just such a sweet time for me to thank her.

again for being that woman in my life that helped me pivot so I didn’t have to become a product of what I was raised to be. I got to become a woman of the word and a woman who loved with Christ loving through me as a result of their influence, their ⁓ counsel. And honestly, out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth speaks. So when I’m talking and rambling and my husband this and my kids that, the person who loves you with Christ love, a godly counselor is gonna say, I hear what you’re saying.

But what I hear is your heart and I hear your heart is exposing maybe this sin. What do you think about that? And then don’t get offended because the Bible says Psalm 165, great peace have they that love thy law and nothing shall offend them. If you’re walking around offended because someone’s trying to help you or you’re always picking up an offense, you’re not in the word enough. But if I’ve asked women to mentor me and then when they call me on my stuff,

Am I willing to humble myself and consider it or am I gonna get mad and not have coffee with them anymore because they don’t understand my situation? Look, they’re all judgy, which is what happens in, believe me, in the many years I’ve been in youth ministry and adult ministry. Yeah.

Belah Rose (53:28)
No. You’re

my gosh Rhonda, this is so powerful. Gosh, I just want to cry the whole time. Can we just, I’m just going to re-listen to it and cry just consistently. You know, but that’s the goodness of God and His word is true. And I love the amount of scriptures that you’ve memorized. I’m so inspired. ⁓ But His word is true and it convicts and it teaches and it inspires and it’s good and it cuts to the intents of the heart. just, I love that. So, ⁓

I think just kind of circling back to how we began, just thinking through no regrets being that we actually are supposed to be happy as a result of being loved, but that love is actually the love of God. And would you have any final insights before we close?

Rhonda Stoppe (54:23)
Yes, I, the way you find out, the way you fall in love with someone is you know their character. You spend time with them. And in, if Jesus said the priority, protos of life is to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. The second commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. And you can’t figure out how to love your spouse as yourself. It’s because you’re not loving God with all of your being. So how do we do that? Well,

Belah Rose (54:31)
Hmm.

Rhonda Stoppe (54:52)
God didn’t say just make yourself, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make yourself love me more. He said, this is who I am. I am Jehovah Jireh, your provider. I am the God who sees. I am Jehovah Nisi, the Lord your banner. I am the I am. And when I’m in the word and I’m like, and there’s a great Bible study, it’s an older one, but I love it. Lord, I want to know you by K. Arthur. And it takes you through the names of God.

And when I am saying, as I read and studied that name of God, Lord, show me your character in this study. Lord, show me who you are in this study of this name that you have given to us. God didn’t just say, figure out who I am and love me. He said, this is who I am. This is the one that you can trust with your heart. And as he is unveiling himself to you through the pages of scripture, through his names, and ask him,

Lord, I can remember saying, I don’t love you like that. I love you for what I can get out of you. I know I’m a selfish lover, but I wanna love you. And the Bible says you have not because you ask not. I know it’s your will that I love you with all my being. Lord, will you love you through me? Will you do this through me? And will you help me to see when I’m loving selfishly? And then when you do that, what spills over is his agape selfless love onto the world around you, beginning in your

and spilling over into the difficult people in your life, because that’s how we can love our neighbor as ourself, is only when our love for God is so deeply grounded in his love for me and who he is and my adoration for him, then I can love my husband for who he is and not, I don’t have to make him my God, he’s not my idol. Boy, I’m not happy, you better work harder, buddy. That’s idolatry. But saying, dude, I know you’re just a guy and I’m just a woman,

and I’m gonna trust God that he’s gonna give me a love for you and I’m not gonna keep record of your wrongs and I’m not gonna be harsh, but I can’t do it on my own. And I’m gonna do it with the washing of the water of the word and I’m gonna do it with other women who live like this. You surround yourself with women that are nitpicky and harsh and cutting down their husbands, the Bible says you become like who your friends are, so consider that. And then make friends with older women that will walk you through loving God in a deeper way through the pages of scripture.

and then ask God, spill out your love out of me onto those around me.

Belah Rose (57:21)
Beautiful. Beautiful, Rhonda. Okay, well, this was just so, so powerful. How can folks follow you and get connected to you as well?

Rhonda Stoppe (57:29)
First of all, you can go to my website, no regrets woman dot com and everything’s on there. My books and you can also ⁓ follow. actually, you’ll get a free chapter from my book, Moms Raising Sons to be Men, which is my bestseller. In fact, it was a 10 year anniversary edition. got to rewrite it in twenty twenty three because it was such a bestseller that Harvest House publishers came back and said, let’s breathe new life into this book. I’m like, yeah, the world’s changed in a decade. Right. And so that you can if you go on there and sign up for my newsletter, you’ll get a free.

chapter from the book and it is the highlight reel of the whole book. So if you get that chapter, even if you don’t read the book, you’ll get the everything. And I only sent out the email, the newsletter once a month, I won’t torture you. And it’ll just give you some articles that I’ve written, a link to an episode of Old Ladies Know Stuff and just to highlight, there’s always pictures of my kids and my grandkids, because I can’t not. And you can follow me on Instagram at Rhonda Stoppe. ⁓ Please subscribe to my Old Ladies Know Stuff podcast. I would love for you to connect with me there.

And then also if you text the word no regrets to the number 55444. So the words no regrets is a one word all caps. If you text no regrets to 55444, you will get a free ebook entitled The Marriage Money Myth. More money, does more money really mean less stress I think is the subtitle.

Belah Rose (58:49)
So cool. Rhonda, this is amazing. We’ll also have all that stuff in the show notes if it’s easier for folks to get to. ⁓ But this is amazing. I’m thrilled. I’m so excited that you do the work that you do. And when you came to Our Lady’s community, that was incredible. The women just loved you and talked about you. And ⁓ it was wonderful. OK, well, listener, thank you so much for tuning in. And I’m really grateful that you got to spend some time with Rhonda. God bless.

Belah Rose (59:25)
Amazing Rhonda, thank you so much just for sowing into us, myself included. I feel so edified and encouraged through the conversation, even in reflection. It’s been a beautiful, beautiful process that I know God is taking me on as well in different areas of my life. So it’s really special. If you’re a listener and you want that community of women to walk alongside and learn and grow, that’s what…

Delighted Wives are all about. That’s what our program teaches. There’s a lot of the principles that Rhonda shared, but also really if you’re looking to transform your marriage, that’s what we’re all about. But we transform marriages through transforming ourselves. That God has a lot to teach us as wives. And how do we become the women that God has designed us to be? But it doesn’t happen in a vacuum. God leaves us in community on purpose. And you’ll hear Rhonda talk about that.

She had to have women around her that were encouraging, spurring her on, inviting her to go to that next step. So if you’re looking to save your marriage, transform it, change it, the miracles happen over and over and over again, and we’d love to walk alongside you. So your next step is a clarity call with a clarity advisor who has been through it themselves, literally had a very difficult spot in their marriage, and then through this process, in a program, God changed it all.

So they’re just here to listen to you, to see if we’re the right fit. And if we are, we’d love to walk you through what that would look like to potentially be part of the program. But otherwise, it’s just a free call, an opportunity to be heard deeply and to get clarity. So you can go to delightym.com slash cc, or if it’s easier, delightyourmarriage.com slash cc. All right, God bless you. We’re praying for you listeners. We really love you. All right, we’ll talk soon. Bye.