Putting God First Will Change Your Marriage

Belah Rose  00:01

Belah, welcome to the delight your marriage podcast. You’re joining me. Bela rose, as I dive deep into the beauty power and truths about intimacy, learn not only the practicals, but the heart behind what making love is all about. Delight your marriage. We live in a world today where it is so easy to be distracted. There are so many things that can bring our attention. And what I find to be true always is that when I spend time intentionally seeking God, things starts to get clear and what I have to do in that intentionality is leave my technology at home, get out, maybe in nature, walking, moving, focused. Maybe it’s just in my room, in a certain spot where I can journal and pray, but I can’t have other inputs. I can’t have things crowding in. And that’s really important. It’s really important for us to take a step back and think about what are we really living for? What is our life really aiming towards? And as a marriage, professional author, trainer, coach, I think marriage is very important, and it impacts everything in your life. And I was spending time in a cemetery the other day, and it was really interesting that the name is included on the tombstone, date they were born, the date they were married, and the date they died. That’s how powerful marriage is like, it’s that important that on a, you know, I don’t know, two foot by three foot tombstone at most, like a big tombstone. And if it’s that, anyway, maybe one foot by two foot, it’s got three dates. And those are the three dates, born, married, died. It’s that big of a deal. It impacts everything in your life. People remember big dates, and weddings are usually one of them. You remember what your wedding was like. So here’s the deal. If you elevate marriage above God, things are unstable. Things are unstable. So I’ll just start talk to men. First of all, biblically speaking, you are to be the leader of your home. That’s just true. And it’s interesting, because some of us ladies have a very strong personalities, and I like to call this leading ladies, if you will. But in our home environment, in the context of the family, we’re not actually supposed to be the leaders. The interesting thing is, we might have a larger role, if you will, within the four walls of the house, meaning that some women, and I just honor and appreciate those women, because they do such incredible, hard work, but especially historically, they were full time people at home. They were taking care of the family. I mean, they are stewarding the next generation. They’re discipling them. And so it’s an incredibly noble, dignified, hard, very difficult work that happens within the home. And it’s important to recognize that at the end of the day, the husband actually leads the home. So if a husband is meant to lead the home, and yet, his marriage is more important than God, here’s what happens. He’s a very unstable leader. He’s a very unstable leader. If instead, his leader is God, then he’s not tossed around by the response results the way his wife interacts with him. He instead, certainly he’s he’s impacted it by it. He might be hurt by it, certainly. And yet, the thing that anchors him, the thing that causes there to be structure and a leadership, boldness and a courage, is that he’s actually anchored on the rock. Rock. That God is his strong tower. That God is his rock. He’s not pushed and pulled by the waves. He’s not built his house on sand. He’s built his house on the rock. Now if my you know, for those of you that may be leading a company or an organization or you’re in some level of leadership, if your team is who you’re trying to please, then you will be an unstable leader. But instead, if it’s a higher calling, you’re trying to please. So the vision, for example, you believe you’re supposed to be walking towards. Maybe it’s the vision of the person above you, the higher up, right? Or if it’s the vision you think God has given you, if it’s a ministry, if it’s the vision that you’ve feel you’ve walked with God, even if it’s a business, you know, the vision as well as the values within that vision. So, so it’s kind of the in a business organization, in a business context, you want to have the vision indicating where you’re heading, but you want the values that indicates the way you get there. So that’s the same with the home. Your vision is God’s way. Is God’s will, but the way you follow Him is all informed by the Bible. So being connected to the source, the rock, is God, having your time with him, getting clarity, day by day by day, getting getting reprioritized, realigned with God. What you you’ve got to have a time with God every day, and then you’ve got to have a time with God every week, and then you’ve got to have a time with God every month, and a time with God every quarter. What do I mean by that? Is the there have to be rhythms in your life that are intentionally taking a step out, taking a step back. This is not easy. This is a discipline. It is way easier to eat ice cream than it is to eat broccoli. Do the easy, fun, pleasurable thing, ice cream all the time. But you know, the long term results of ice cream all the time, even the short term results aren’t great. You feel bloated and gross and like a lazy log or slug. I feel like, I think those are my feelings after eating too much ice cream. But it certainly is easier, it certainly is more fun. But if you, if you go by just what’s pleasurable and easy and fun, you certainly aren’t leading others. You’re not leading yourself. You’re not leading your life, and it’s all dependent on what’s fed to you. Like it, you know, in that same metaphor, it’s, it’s dependent on what’s available at the supermarket. You’re not pursuing anything. You’re you don’t have leadership at all. You’re not pursuing it based on values or anything. You’re just you’re just like whatever’s pleasurable, whatever is easiest, whatever is right in front of me. Instead of I want to discern what’s right, what’s valuable, what’s important, what what’s priority right now I want to discern that, and then I want to go after that. It’s a lot harder. It’s a lot harder. It’s much easier to coast. It’s much easier to to not care and just plod along wherever the river of life takes you. And we actually have to go against the current to say, You know what? God, I’m not interested in being distracted by all of the things that are clamoring for my attention, the notifications on my phone, the emails that come in the social media. Oh, my goodness, if you’re on social media, it’s constant distraction, constant and personally speaking, I haven’t been on personal social media in, I don’t know how many years, but I just, it just wasn’t a it was not helping me get closer to God’s will. It just wasn’t. So I cut it out completely.

Belah Rose  09:46

I do use YouTube, but I’ll tell you, when I use YouTube too much, it becomes really clear, and I need to get off of that too. So there are times that I’m just like, whoop too much. Let me stop that. Another thing I. Stopped is TV shows. I can’t watch TV shows because once I watch one, I’m hooked. And then, you know, however many hours that they’ve produced, I can’t seem to stop it. And so I don’t know how many years it’s been since I’ve watched a TV show, because, you know, their entire aim in a show is to get you to keep watching. So I like to use recommendations for movies. Other people say it’s good, other people I know specifically, so then I go for it. But I also use a lot of just movie reviews, because I don’t I don’t like thoughts lingering in my head that are not valuable. My mind is just too easily distracted. I think other people probably have an easier time with distraction, but for me, it is a constant fight. And so I’m up for it, though. Come on, if anyone can do it, God’s gonna give me the grace to do it too. I believe, yeah, it might be a little harder, but my gosh, there’s a gentleman that I have had the honor of working with that had a significant, significant health crisis that happened just a couple of years ago, and he lost most of The mobility, if you will, the capabilities that I rely on as a human. He lost them, and watching him stay in the mindset of positivity and proactiveness and graciousness and generosity others, and charitableness to others, and pursuit of God and not willing, just not willing to, even for half a second, turn into victimized state. I mean, it is absolutely astounding, and it calls me higher every time I work with them. It is really something amazing, and I want to be like that for other people. No, I don’t have that level of difficulty in that realm, at least, but I want to be like that. I want, I want somebody to look my direction and say, Wow, with a with a hand you were dealt, you’re sure, hustled hard man, you didn’t give up. And truly, I want that to be God. I want him to know every detail, every temptation, every time I wanted to just play the victim. I wanted to hide in in in fear. I wanted to be dishonest rather than seek integrity. And I still make mistakes in that, oh my gosh. I wish I could just like, have the courage to every single moment, every single time, be honest. It’s so funny, if you’re particularly charismatic, it was very helpful when somebody a while ago, some years ago now, but let me in on a specific personality test. And my personality is prone to exaggeration, and when I learned that about myself, it was so helpful because I don’t want to exaggerate. Because here’s the problem with exaggeration, if I if somebody hears me exaggerate about one thing, it lessens their trust in me to tell them about another thing, and and I’m just not interested in the things that I need to say that are important to be watered down or to be less trusted because of the things that I say that are totally inconsequential, but I exaggerate about I wonder if that makes sense. So if you’re a lot of times people are kind of like me, which is why they’re attracted to my voice or my online presence or whatever, because we’re similar, and so they are like, Oh, I kind of hear myself in that it doesn’t make you a bad person, that you’re kind of like me. It means that’s natural. A lot of times we’re gravitating towards somebody who has a similar culture or similar way of thinking or similar personality style. But the point is, I am more trustworthy, the more trustworthy I am in all areas, and micro proclivity in my personality is to exaggerate. So when I’m like, Okay, that was an exaggerated let me Okay, back up. Let me tell that person I’m sorry. That was an exaggeration. I’m not trying to exaggerate. It’s just something I deal with that is a very low level, um, uh, thing that I have to die to over and over again just to follow Jesus, right? But what I what I want is I want God to look at means and be pleased with the little, tiny moments of seeking to honor him. And I want you to know. Precious listener, I get it wrong too. I get it wrong too. But that’s the whole beauty of Jesus. When when we follow Him, it is his kindness that leads us to repentance, which means he’s a good father, if he shows us the things that we have made mistakes on and how we’ve gotten it wrong. That’s his goodness, that’s his Hey, come a little closer. I want you to know a little bit more about me. I want you to gain a little more insight. I don’t know your background, dear listener, you might have come from a family background that was so dysfunctional, so non Christian, so non biblical. Maybe they call themselves Christian, but my goodness, when I look at the fruits of the Spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control, it sure wasn’t in the household that you grew up in. I mean, maybe that’s true, and so you you have been dealt a difficult hand. You’ve got to discern what is actual character. What’s actually the way to follow Jesus now, maybe as an adult, if you’re listening to me, however old you are, maybe you’re 6070, we have clients that are in that age bracket, and I’m honored that they’re not willing to stop growing because they know that’s God’s way. So if you’re a husband, you are the leader of your home, and the more trusted you are as a leader, the more trusted and effective you are at leading your family and influencing them and inviting the way that they need to go. What I think is true is the role that you have in your spouse’s life is to empower them to do God’s will. You want to be the one that empowers them to do God’s will. And so what does that look like? It might look in the short term like a disagreement, a calm, kind, willing to yield, happy to listen, disagreement, but it might be a disagreement that lasts for two months, not one that you have to handle two hours in the middle of the night. It requires patience. It requires long suffering. It requires kindness and giving the benefit of the doubt and having a charitable mindset to the other might be a disagreement the last six months or six years. Maybe it’s just planting seeds over and over again, just trusting God’s gonna water them if you just keep loving. So you plant a seed and you love like heck, between that and then the next seed three weeks or a month later. You just don’t know God’s way of doing it. But the point is, your success is tied to God’s perspective of you and how you lead your family. Success is not tied to results. Now the interesting thing is, at delight your marriage, I do tell you results all the time, because I want you to have faith that it can happen. But the way that it happens, the way that it happens is you become the kind of leader Jesus is. And I’ll tell you, the byproducts are incredible, truly incredible. A man of character, it’s incredible. So that’s why I tell you the results, because I want you to see that the way of Jesus is the best, but the actual way to get the results is by pursuing God’s way for your marriage. And a lot of times that looks a lot slower. It doesn’t look as direct, certainly not harsh, which hopefully you’ve heard the episode last week, which was so powerful about harshness. So the Bible says, Matthew 631 do not worry about these things. Saying, What will we eat? What will we drink,

Belah Rose  19:48

what will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs seek the kingdom of God. God above all else and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Seek the kingdom of God above all else and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need, carving out a little time every day to sit with God. What does that even look like? For me, it looks like having a journal and writing out things that I’m grateful to God for. I have a little acronym of a prayer that I pray, just to get me started. And praying acronym is faithful starts out with fear of the Lord. And I recently added, God help me to help me to fear you. Help me to understand you rightly. Help me to see you as you really are. But also because of your blood, Jesus, I’m fully loved and I’m fully accepted. So I’m praying both of those like, help me to see you rightly. Help me to understand who you really are, God, and help me to recognize you’re so good that you love me and accept me like what? So that’s my first thing, and that leads right into a which is adoration. I spend some time really adoring God, just as a discipline, as a habit, Lord, I love you. I love your ways. I love who you are, and sometimes in my gratitudes that I wrote ahead of that, those are some things just reflecting on his faithfulness, his kindness, his consistency, adoration, integrity, is I, I yearn for integrity, and I mess up so much my goodness, I love dollar Dallas Willard quote that says, and actually, I can’t think of the exact quote, but, and I haven’t been able to find it, but I remember listening to something He said around character, often is more so revealed in what you repent of rather than what you do. I think that’s pretty powerful, because let’s say we’re repenting of not having the courage to approach someone with kindness around some thing, and for somebody else, they didn’t even recognize the opportunity, and that has nothing to do with their character. Like their character is clearly not to the level of the person repenting for not having acted in the way that they wish they had right? Does that make sense? So somebody else is completely numb to the opportunity, someone else is apologizing to God for not going towards that. As Christians, we don’t want to be numb to the opportunities God is giving us when we’re distracted when we’re trying to please a person, even if it’s our spouse above God, we’re we’re being numb to that. So the thing is, you please God when you’re kind to your spouse, husbands, you please God by serving and dying to yourself and loving her well, being kind and being gracious and patient, you’re pleasing God. So if your motivation is the result of a changed marriage, yeah, that likely will be a byproduct over time and by God’s grace. But if your motivation is in her changing, you’re going to be disappointed, because day by day by day, that’s just not how people change. They don’t change in an instant. We change over time a little bit by little bit by little bit, and some things never change. Jack Nabbit, sometimes God has just given us good things in us, and that’s just kind of our nature, and it’s gonna be hard, and we’ve gotta come back to it again and again, and at some point we just gotta accept that God’s given us some thorns in the flesh, right? And Paul even prayed that it be taken away three different times, and it’s and it’s not, and we, and we have to accept that as a gift that helps us to be humble. So I’ve talked a lot about things to the husbands, but hopefully, as a wife, you’ve heard a lot of that and recognize it’s relevant to you as well. But the things that’s particularly relevant to you is respecting your husband. It’s not natural for me to do that either. I am. I’ve got leadership qualities. I enjoy being the leader. I want to be the leader. God wants me to be in this work. He has entrusted me with this work. I want to do it well, but the important thing is, out of the context of where I am supposed to be leading, which is here, out of that context and into the context of my home, I am not the leader. I. So it just doesn’t matter how mature or wise or spiritual or all the things, that’s not my role. It’s not my role in our home. So I suppose it would be helpful to think about it as a business or organization. Again, the CEO has a role no matter what, and the vice president doesn’t get to sit in the CEO spot. It just doesn’t matter how good or bad the CEO is it. It doesn’t the Vice President is not supposed to be making the last call they’re not supposed to be making the final decisions. And here’s what I know that’s very helpful. If everything goes hits the fan as the expression says, what I know that makes me feel so safe is that at the end of the day, no matter, no matter what the dynamic is with with how money comes into the home, no matter what I know, if everything hits the fan, if everything goes down, my husband will pick our family up on his back and make it work and walk. I know it at my core. It makes me feel so safe. He is ultimately responsible for our family and dear husband, you are ultimately responsible for your family and dear wife, if you don’t have that conviction that he is ultimately responsible for the family, he’s not going to stand up in, that he won’t, he won’t, because you’re ultimately leading the family, Dear wife, and that that’s emasculating, and that makes him less interested in trying, because you usurp his authority over and over again, I’m preparing for a family get together, and I was tasked with something in particular that I’m supposed to do. And so you know my again personality. I know this about myself. I embrace it, but my personality is that I’m all things over for a long time, and then right before it’s due, I produce it, and that’s just the way it goes. And I always produce it, and, you know, and it’s pretty great most of the time, because that’s the way I work. As I mull it over, I get an idea, I jot down notes over weeks and weeks, and then I produce then it happens. And so without not everyone works that way. And some people, when they get something assigned. They they actually start producing over the whole thing. So I think, think the person who is organizing this event, if you will, got a little nervous that I wasn’t doing anything because I hadn’t communicated what I had already produced. And so they started producing it themselves. And first of all, I don’t mind at all that that’s great, and whatever they produce is going to be wonderful, and I just support whatever’s going on. I don’t I don’t mind at all. I just want to be there to help. But I will say this is an example of immediately I felt that whatever I contribute doesn’t matter. And the reason I’m sharing that I again, I I don’t mind. It’s totally fine. They have great ideas. Let’s go for it. But I want you to realize as a as a wife, when you take the reins. Your husband is totally unmotivated to walk out his role, his god given, assigned leadership role. Now you might be saying, well, I’m I can’t trust my husband. He’s not a trustworthy man. There is an episode that’s called respect an untrustworthy man or he may never change. That’s an episode I would invite you to listen to, and you can go to delight your marriage.com and just use the Search button for 298, but the truth of the matter is, it, again, is not about competency.

Belah Rose  29:47

It is about the role. It’s about the role. We must respect the role of husband for him to grow in that role. I. So all of us are going to be bad at things, especially in the beginning. And so if you’ve been stepping into the role of leader in your home, there’s a process and a journey for you to get out of that role and get him in it. So if you’ve you know the VP has been standing in for the CEO, and the VP finally realizes, oh my gosh, the CEO is, you know, totally out to lunch because I’ve been doing everything. The CEO won’t come back and actually do the hard things and make the good choices and lead better than the VP ever could because they’re appropriately leading. It can’t happen in an instant. Can’t happen overnight. It can’t happen after one conversation. This is something that is a slow process of the CEO trusting the VP is no longer going to step in. And that’s over and over and over again. So it’s really it’s going to be a journey. It’s going to be a journey for you, dear wife, for you to not jump in and ultimately, disrespect not trust your husband. You but remember, if you’re here to please God, then you’re choosing to do this God’s way. And that’s God’s way is he’s the head of the home. We are the fragile vessel. Well, the we’re the weaker vessel. Let me tell you something really cool, though, if you, dear wife, are thinking, oh my gosh, yeah, this is the submissive stuff that I hate. And you know, it’s been it has not been used well in circumstances, not every circumstance, but in circumstances, it has not been used well, and men don’t understand it in a way that causes them to want to empower their wife, or take care of her, or treat her with gentleness, like the Bible says, and graciousness and in an understanding way. But I found this very interesting and helpful when I learned it. So I guess what I want to start with is recognizing the nature of men and women and how they’re different but complementary. So Genesis 127, so God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God, He created them, male and female, He created them. So that’s pretty powerful. The first chapter of the Bible, male and female, he created in His image. So we are both image bearers. In the New Testament talks about we’re co heirs with Christ. So there’s not a value difference in who leads or who is the who follows, like who submits. There’s not a value difference. So just like the VP and the CEO there, there’s not a value difference, there’s a role difference, there’s a behavior difference, there’s a responsibility difference. So here’s something very interesting, because then it talks about some of the role difference in chapter two of Genesis, verse seven, the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person. Then the Lord God planted the garden in Eden in the east, and there he placed the man he had made. The Lord God made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground. Trees were all beautiful and produced delicious fruit in the middle of the garden he placed the tree of life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. A river flowed from the land of Eden, watering the garden and then dividing into four branches. Then verse 15, the Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. So that’s a very active work role, to tend and watch over the garden. The Lord God warned him, you may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden except the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die. So God gives Adam that instruction, so he’s responsible not to do that. Then the Lord God said, It’s not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper who is just right for him. So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds, all the sky and all the wild animals. Animals. So that’s kind of cool. That’s His next role responsibility is to really discover the good things God has made and name them and tend to them. So that’s pretty cool. But still, there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and brought her to the man. At last the man exclaimed, this one is bone for my bone, flesh, for my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken from man. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man is his wife were both naked and felt no shame. Okay, so a few things. There is a helper in other translations, it’s called helpmate. And the actual original wording, so that helpmate or helper are two words in the original Hebrew, and it’s Azar conegdo. So it’s translated helper and a suitable or fit Now, the interesting thing about Azar is it’s translated two times in Genesis to refer to the woman created for Adam, three times for nations, used to describe nations that Israel turned to for military assistance, so they helped Israel, and then 16 times it’s translated in the Old Testament as a descriptor of God helping Israel, rescuing Israel, protecting Israel. So for example, the scripture you might know is, I lift my eyes up to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from you, oh God, maker of heaven and earth and so that’s really important to recognize that this Azar is actually almost like a saving role, a helper in like a savior role, not not in a made let me dust under your you know, feet of the desk that you’re doing the important work. But A’s are so if I really reflect on the relationship between man and woman, there’s a saving element to wives for their husbands and in all of the beautiful, wonderful ways that we are women, that we have a helping opportunity, but not to usurp their power and rule over them, but actually to invite in, in loving ways, in ways that attract, in ways that provide Help. You know, we know the frailties of our husbands. We know the the ways that God designed him to receive love through intimacy. We also know that admiration and respect are are like life energy for him, and we can give those things, and we can also help him process ways that are difficult, we can we can ask questions, and we can respectfully invite reflection without ever having harsh claims or forcing the matter, but having a respectful, gracious, sincerely Admiral admirers way towards our husbands, so Azar, helper, Savior, rescuer, that’s our opportunity as wives for our husbands. So we have a really important role in their lives and in the lives of our families, and that’s how husbands should even think about their wives, not as second class citizens, but as made in the image of God, and has a really vital role in his life and in His way of doing God’s will. Now, here’s the next thing I want to share, just because we’re in Genesis three, because here’s what didn’t happen this. Here’s the mistake Adam made is he didn’t have the courage when he was the one even told the responsibility of not eating the fruit his wife was susceptible to the surface serpent’s shrewdness, and he said, Did God really say

Belah Rose  39:43

so sorry. Let me say this, the serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals, and the Lord God had made one day, he asked the woman, Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden? Of course, we may. Eat the fruit from the trees in the garden. The woman replied, it’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, You must not eat it or even touch it. If you do, you will die. You won’t die. The serpent replied to the woman, God knows that your eyes will be opened, and as soon as you eat it, you will be like God, knowing both good and evil. The woman was convinced she saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious. She wanted the wisdom it would give her, so she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it too. So, so God gave the responsibility of not eating the fruit to Adam. Eve was deceived. She ate it. She gave it to her husband who was with her. So if he wanted to be the leader and make God proud of him, he could have and he chose not to. He chose to do what his wife wanted him to do, rather than what God would have wanted him to do. She chose to do what the serpent wanted her to do, rather than choose to do what God wanted her to do.

Belah Rose  41:20

So interesting. Verse nine. Then the Lord God called to the man, where are you? He replied, I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid, because I was naked. Who told you were naked? The Lord God asked, have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat? The man replied, It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit and I ate it? Yes, that woman, there’s a great book that I’ve been reading with, actually my boys. We’ve been listening to the audio book, and we’ve been listening to the version the young men we need. But there’s also a book The men we need by Brandt Hanson. It’s so good, but he talks about this story of men are supposed to take responsibility. That’s who they are supposed to be, taking responsibility, and that’s exactly what he did not do. Adam take responsibility. He just blamed the lady. Then the Lord God asked the woman, what have you done? The serpent deceived me. She replied, that’s why I ate it. Then the Lord God said to the serpent, and so God, you know, cursed the serpent. So the thing I think is most important for us to take from that is that men and women were made in His image. We have different roles, different responsibilities, but at the end of the day, the husband is the leader, which means he is responsible. The wife is to respect her husband, and both of you are doing that because you revere God, not because you revere the person next to you. It has to do with your relationship with God first, because, if it’s about because, if it’s about your relationship with your spouse, anytime there aren’t results. Anytime you work and work and work and try to do the thing that you’re supposed to do, and it’s not producing the results, especially short term, you blame your spouse, and that just adds resentment and bitterness. But instead, if you’re saying, I’m doing this because I want to please God, I want to hear well done, good and faithful servant. See, then it’s long term, then you’re motivated till eternity to do it the right way. And here’s the deal, the byproducts are really outstanding. So you seek first the kingdom of God, and it’s righteousness. You have to live righteously. We’ve talked about that a little bit. You have to actually focus. You actually have to do the thing that’s not easy. You have to pursue the thing that that yes, you want to be distracted and do whatever the heck it is that’s easy and comes to you. But if you discern what God wants you to do in this book, and you all, all the past is forgiven because of the blood of Jesus, but don’t keep sinning. Don’t keep doing the easy thing, like today is the day of salvation. I don’t care if you’re 75 today is the day to turn your life around, where there is breath and lungs, there is hope, there is hope. Miracles happen every day starts with choices that you make, repentance, choosing to turn towards Jesus. So honor God above your marriage. But because you honor God, you behave and love and choose good thoughts towards your marriage every day, and then, by God’s grace, you end up seeing things transform because of the order of the life that you live. Let’s pray Lord, you know this one that’s listening. You know their journey, their story, you know their proclivities, their weaknesses, and. You know their story. You know where they started from. You know the cards that they were dealt, and some of it makes you weep because they were not supposed to encounter the heart that they’ve experienced. And yet you are the perfect judge. You know exactly what has happened, and that is how they will be judged in eternity. It’s not, it’s not going to be, it’s not going to be the way humans think, Oh, this is fair. This isn’t fair. This, you know, you know it all. And so Lord I pray, in the silent, the quiet, the private, when no one knows, no one sees, no one hears, no one will ever know. That’s when, that’s when it really matters. I pray for this one to put you above what other people think about them, and the private and the quiet, and yes, we’re going to get it wrong, and that’s why we run back to your grace, Jesus, and your need, and our need for you is so intense. So in, in, in incredibly significant help us to truly put you above our spouse, and to walk it out, which is exactly why we love our spouse. Well, thank you, God for all you do we love you. Jesus. Name Amen. Oh, my goodness. So one thing I am so grateful for is that Jesus does change us, but he doesn’t change us in a vacuum. He wants us to do this with community. And if you are in a hard spot in your marriage and this just feels impossible, or you just don’t know, step by step by step, we got you covered, we can walk you through it. Delight. Ym.com/cc, if you get in here before July 15. Sign up for that clarity. Call if you sign up before July 15, you’ll be saving $500 and this is the perfect time to get in here. So I’m really looking forward to having you on the inside these coaching programs. It’s where people’s lives change. It’s where marriages are restored. It’s where people that were pursuing divorce turn around. It’s what marriages that were duty sex turned into passionate love affairs in months. People that have been seeking transformation for 30 years. God does it in months. In this work, if you work it, if you’re really ready and you don’t know how to do it, we’d love to help you. There’s scholarships for people in full time ministry. So keep that in mind. We’ve got significant scholarships for y’all, thanks for all you do for the gospel. You need a healthy marriage. You’re doing the hard work we want to help you and bless you. So delight. Ym.com/cc God bless you. Love you. We’ll talk soon. You